A/N: I know a lot of you were stunned by this revelation and now we finally learn the truth. The real truth! This chapter I decided to split into two since this will be told in Erik's point of view about his marriage to Luciana. There are parts where it goes back and forth from the past to the present. I have it separated so it's not that confusing. And thank you for those of you who checked out Love Never Dies! I'm glad you liked it! Don't forget to review after!
Chapter 24
Everything around us was silent. I didn't hear the wind howling outside, I didn't hear the waves of the sea. The only sounds that could be heard was our heavy breathing, my heart racing, and the little tick tick of Erik's watch. I had to muse how that each light 'tick' meant a second had passed. I counted about sixty ticks that indicated it was sixty seconds and sixty seconds equaled one minute. It was one minute that passed after Erik's explosive exclamation.
The body in the sea… it wasn't someone else. Luciana did not travel with someone after all. How could she when it was really her body?
Her body…
The words did not seem to register in my mind. To hear the shocking revelation that it was your husband who killed his first wife and identified a stranger's body as his wife's so she would be buried and forgotten. The news was numbing and I could not feel anything. I could not feel my feet, my hands, nothing.
It couldn't be true.
Erik loved Luciana. They were a couple madly in love and when she died… Erik was the grieving widower. He mourned her loss. He was so depressed that his family and friends were worried he would take his own life.
And to hear the truth from his lips… to hear that what he said contradicted everything?
I had no reaction.
And I thought… would anyone? If there was another woman in my place, what would she have done? What would she say? Would she run out of here screaming for the police? Or would she stay with him?
Would she love him? Or would she hate him?
One hundred and twenty ticks. Two minutes. Two minutes of my silence and Erik's secret. Two minutes.
And I could not speak.
My lack of response spurred Erik to react. And like tonight, it was nothing I expected to have happened.
He kissed me.
He kissed me!
I was wide-eyed and frozen stiff when Erik's arms embraced me, pulling me to his chest, as his mouth took mine in an ardent kiss.
This was not real. This could not be happening!
The scraping of his mask against my cheek assured me this was very real and I was not imagining this at all.
Erik pulled back, his forehead falling to mine, as he murmured, "I love you Christine. I have always loved you."
Once more, I was struck dumb with this declaration.
First, Erik murdered Luciana and now he loves me? He has always loved me?
This didn't make sense! Erik couldn't have loved me. He never said so in our time spent together. And now… now…
He kissed me again. This time with such tenderness and affection that it made my body sway and I found myself returning his kiss with the same kind of tenderness he was bestowing me. At last! At last I was granted with what I have always longed for… what I have dreamt to happen…
But as these thoughts passed my mind, I remembered where I was and what was spoken between us, and I found myself pushing him away from me. Erik took this as my need to breathe and put a little space between us so I could recover.
The look in his eyes were of pure joy and love… yes love!... and I was overwhelmed by it all.
"Do not cry, my love," Erik cooed, wiping a tear from my cheek. "I do not deserve an angel's tears, but you have cried for me too many times and it pains me! Yes! It kills me every time to know you are suffering and I know it is my fault. I hurt you when it was not my intention and I must atone for this sin I have committed. So let me repeat myself again to right this terrible wrong. I love you! I love you so much Christine! So much my darling! My love! My angel!"
With that pronouncement, I saw the walls he had kept up tumbling down to reveal that love he had felt for me all along. To see it, to actually see his heart, and to hear what I have always wanted since Monte Carlo… it was happening, I realized. This was actually happening. This was real. This was not a dream or a wild fantasy of mine. Erik was in my arms, declaring his love for me, and he was kissing me! Those sweet, wonderful kisses!
It was too much. My mind was dizzy and I lost my balance as I collapsed in his hold.
But Erik was steadfast.
He held me for dear life, pressing kisses at the top of my head, murmuring over and over again, "I love you. I love you. I love you."
But lost in my shock of it all, Erik realized I had not said a word. I have not uttered those very same words he was now telling me.
Grasping my arms, he stared deeply in my eyes, searching for some sign or clue that my feelings have not changed.
"Please tell me it's not too late. Dear God! I do not think I could survive if I lost my opportunity with you! Speak to me Christine! End my torment!"
"No," I spoke the one word.
His eyes roved over my features and then he said, "It must be. It has to be late. You don't mean it."
"It is not too late Erik," I said again, this time louder so he could not mistake my words. "I love you Erik. I love you more than life itself."
A shaky sigh wracked his large frame. "Oh God!" he cried. "It is not too late!"
"No," I said, smiling at him. "I love you so much Erik. How I longed for you to say the same! I cannot believe this is real! I feel like it's a wonderful dream I cannot wake from!"
I was expecting smiles, but I did not expect the horror that crossed his countenance. "No, not a dream! This is a nightmare Christine. One that we cannot escape. Luciana has been found! They will know soon enough and what we have will be over. We will be parted and I am powerless to stop that from happening."
"Don't say that!" I scolded, my turn to shake him. "You cannot say that Erik! It will be true if you let it."
"My angel," he said. "My Christine. If you only knew how much I want to believe that. But in a few hours the truth would be revealed and everything I have fought to protect will be ruined. You do not want to tie yourself to a murderer. You should leave. You should condemn me."
"I will not and I will never!" I declared. "Erik, I vowed to be your wife for better and for worse. I will not leave you during this dire time of need."
"Such pretty promises even when you still do not know the whole story."
"So tell me," I demanded. "Erik, you kept yourself in this darkness for too long. It is time that you step into the light and tell me all. I will not leave you. I will stay as long as it takes. Even if the police should come knocking on this door. I will stay and fight for you. My love… release these demons that have kept you chained from me!"
I reached him and I saw his fear resurfaced. This poor man! How much he suffered! But I will not fail him.
To prove this, I took a seat on the settee and settled myself for what will be a lengthy tale and one I was desperate to hear. For both our sakes.
Erik took a deep breath.
"I should start from the beginning. Many years ago, when I was a boy, I thought I would never find love. I thought I would be doomed to be a bachelor for the rest of my days. It was not until I was twenty-seven that I first saw her…
xXx
I had been walking down the road outside of Kerrith when I came across this heavenly creature galloping at full speed.
Her hair was the darkest black I have ever seen, long and whipping against her pale face from the wind; her eyes was this deep violet, so wide and expressive and full of life. From one look I was enchanted by this nymph's beauty and I was stupidly standing in the middle of the road where she was coming.
To my amazement, she stopped her horse as soon as she approached me, and lifted a brow at my direction.
"Excuse me sir," she said and what a voice! There was this lilting tint that was curious and amused. "But I do believe you were wishing I should run you down."
"Why do you say so?" I asked.
She laughed. "You were so mesmerized that I felt you were looking for death! Tell me that is not so."
"Indeed, it is not," I told her. "Forgive me."
"You are forgiven," she said, smiling brightly. "Goodbye."
With a flick of her riding crop, she was off again and I realized during that brief exchange there was not a single trace of fear or disgust due to my mask.
xXx
For days I was haunted by this nameless beauty. I knew I must be bewitched for how else could I explain my constant musings?
The sensible reason was to actively look for her, to find out who her friends were, her family (for she had the appearance of someone distinct and her dress was expensive looking, despite the sport she was engaged in), and to find out her name.
Yet, I was timid to do so. I had not an easy life with my mask and while I was doing my best to prove that I was not what everyone thought… I still had enemies in my circle who were looking for a way to destroy me. So I was destined to keep her in my thoughts and I eventually convinced myself she was only a figment of my imagination.
However, Fortune decided to smile upon me.
There was a ball that was held in the spring by Lord and Lady Kay and it was there I met this dark fairy again.
While my heart was bursting with joy that I found my object of desire, I was also lamenting for she was surrounded by suitors, who I believed, were far worthy to share her smiles and conversation than I. So I remained in my own company, watching bitterly at those insipid men, and of course, wishing I was one of them.
"Erik," Nadir said, coming to stand next to me. "Be careful, my friend. With that piercing look I fear that this whole room will evaporate for no reason at all."
"Oh, shut up," I muttered and the Persian chuckled. "Come on Erik. Lighten up. We are at a ball are we not? Two eligible bachelors, one of us who has a promising career ahead of him, and one who is quite wealthy."
"Please Nadir, you are too kind and yet I did not hear anything about you," I teased.
"Your sister is having a pleasant time," Nadir commented.
I saw Ayesha and her newly wedded husband dancing around the floor. I turned to my old friend with my brow cocked. "Is that jealousy I detect?"
"Pish-posh," Nadir grunted. "You know Ayesha does not love me."
"But you love her."
"I did. As in past tense."
"What's the difference?"
"Erik, I fancied myself in being a good husband to your sister. But… it was not meant to be. We are better off as friends and… Giles Lacy is a good man for her. She is lucky to find a man who is willing to put up with her wits."
I laughed. "Is that what they're calling it these days? Well, I do have to agree. Giles is an excellent match for my sister. She is happy, which that counts the most."
"Ah, but I detect some forlorn in that statement. Has some woman caught your attention?"
My gaze drifted back to her and Nadir whistled softly to himself. "I see. She is beautiful there is no doubt."
"Yes and look at all those men," I said unhappily. "So handsome and perfect. She will choose one of them as a husband."
"She could but what of you? You are enamored with this young lady and you have a good fighting chance like any man. Go on. Introduce yourself."
"In a way I did. But she does not know my name Nadir. I am nothing but a stranger."
"Your pity act is boring me so Erik. If you do not go over there, then I will!"
Knowing that my old friend would make a fool of himself and me… I decided to brave it and confront my insecurities and learn her name. As I drew closer, I heard one of those fops ask her to sing.
"We must hear you sing Luciana!"
"Yes! Sing for us!"
Luciana… so that was her name. I rolled the name off my tongue and found it pleasing. It was Italian for "light" and I thought it was fitting since I was feeling the first sparks of light in my soul.
"If you insist!" she giggled. Rising on her dainty feet, she commanded the attention of the maestro and ordered he play "Printemps qui commence" from Camille Saint-Saëns' opera Samson and Delilah.
Looking back, I see the irony in the song she chose, but I was a young man who was passionately in love for the first time. Or what I thought was passionate love.
Once Luciana opened that ruby mouth of hers, I was swept away by her voice. To my musically-trained ears, I knew there were some technique defects, but that instrument she possessed was a gift to behold. I knew I could mold that voice to fit my scores and I believed I not only found love, but the singer I was searching to be my Aminta.
When she finished, I was a man on a mission and I immediately took her wrist and dragged her away from her adoring fans. She went with me willingly and when we were alone, I fell to my knees and professed my adorations for her and her voice. I begged she would allow me to court her and train her for she held the happiness of this mortal's future.
As I laid my heart and soul bare, she pursed her lips in thought. "I shall think about it. Will you be so kind as to tell me who it is who strongly feels I hold the key to his happiness?"
"Erik de Winter," I tell her, blushing that I should not reveal my identity first.
"Erik de Winter," she repeated and with a twist of her lips she added, "Not the Erik de Winter who owns Manderley?"
"The one and only," I replied.
Then with a twinkle in her eyes, she said, "I grant you permission, sir, to court me."
Under normal conditions, I would have spoken to her father about my intentions. However, Giovanni Belmonte past away a year before I met Luciana. So Luciana asked if I would request permission from her maid, Mrs. Danvers, for she was her guardian and friend.
Mrs. Danvers did give me the permission I needed and our courtship followed soon after.
Luciana was unlike any young lady of my acquaintance. Her mother was English descent, but it was her Italian blood that flowed through her veins. She was a free spirit, an independent woman like I have never met. But above all, she was an enchantress who could capture a man's heart with a single look. In some ways, she was an unearthly being, never shying away from challenges that most men would find disagreeable and dangerous. Of course, I was immediately concerned about her choice of wild leisure, but I soon realized that she was untouchable. Nothing bothered her and she always won every game, defeating any man who was willing to go up against her. I had every reason to be proud of her and it only enthralled me to her charms even more…
xxXXxx
"Of course it was what she wanted me to believe," Erik said scornfully. "Luciana was clever. Very clever and deceiving and wicked. She knew exactly what I wanted to hear, what I wanted to see, and how to tug on my heartstrings. She knew of my misgivings and insecurities and she played me with the trained deception of luring the prey into a trap. For I had something she wanted and I was too blind to see what she really was and what she was after…"
xXx
When I proposed it was a day of bliss for me. For the woman I loved had agreed to become my wife!
But that was not all.
Luciana knew my soul's deepest secrets and dreams, but there was one thing about me she was not privy to and it was one I dreaded fiercely.
From the early days of our courtship, I knew she had heard whispers about what was beneath my mask. It was a popular subject amongst the ladies and from the other men who felt I was a rival. Many a night I hardly slept in fear that Luciana would want to see and then run away if she did… I had vowed from the start that she should never see and hoped that my love would be enough to sustain our life together.
However, while she never once mentioned my mask I knew that every social gathering and party we attended, people would often whisper about her. She had not lost favor from her class, but they were questioning her taste in men. I could see that this upset her greatly and though she would brush their so-called concerns away… I knew it was eating her alive to know why her lover was hiding from her. She did not have to speak… her eyes did all the talking and it was a matter of time, I feared, that she would have request I reveal myself.
Nadir and my sister told me I should. If Luciana loved me as much as she claimed… then my appearance should not matter. As much as I wanted to believe them, I knew that while her love for me was pure and glorious… Luciana loved beauty. She was always surrounded with the latest fashions and jewels and objects that reflected man's perspective on what beauty is. Even my music was a creation of beauty that Luciana loved to sit and listen for hours.
There was one evening that I have overheard her telling her friends (after cautioning her about me) that she could not stand to hear anymore lies that were spread about me.
"Hold your tongues for if you breathe another word about my Erik, then I will never forgive you and will never speak or see that you will never receive an invitation from those who love and trust me well. Now, I will say this only once and will be done with the idle gossip that you are determined to share. It does not matter to me why Erik wears a mask. I can look into his eyes and see the man that is there under it all. He loves me passionately and adores me with every breath. He worships the ground I stand upon! How could a woman ever be lacking from such ardent affections? If he was truly a monster as you say… then how could a monster woo a woman when his heart is always present with every look and every touch? Are not monsters so ugly and corrupted that they do not know how to interact? Let alone make a girl feel like she is the center of the universe? No… Erik is a good, kind-hearted man with nothing but beauty flowing from him. You have heard him play and sing. You know that a monster could not do such a thing or have the kind of voice that will cause people to weep. He is the embodiment that we all strive to achieve with our clothes and make-up and talents. He is beauty! And I bet that he has to wear a mask because we are not worthy to behold such utter perfection that it was God's wish for him to do so. Now, why don't you think about that for a while rather than assume he has a darker reason."
Hearing that little speech only enflamed my ardor and heart even more. I knew she was a saint and a warrior wrapped in one. How she defended me so fervently! While her speculation about my face was wrong… I could not lose the chance that she might change her mind about me. And I knew it would be a sin for me to ruin that illusion that she created in her mind. She believed I was the embodiment of beauty and I rather have her believe the fantasy than ever know the truth. I had to move quickly to ensure her love for all eternity.
It did not take long for me to shop for a ring and confide in my best friend and sister on what my intentions were becoming. Nadir, naturally, was happy for me and already gave me his blessings before I had even proposed.
On the other hand, Ayesha had her misgivings. She thought three months was too soon for me to propose marriage and while she had been in Luciana's presence a few times… it was not enough time for her to know the woman I loved and to determine her character. She advised me to wait only long enough for me to make sure that this was the decision I wanted to make.
"I hate to see you make a mistake or worse… have you become disappointed that this life was not the one you expected to have."
As much sense Ayesha's words carried… for a besotted man who never knew love, he did not want to waste a single moment.
I ignored Ayesha's warnings and went ahead with my proposal. It was three nights after that party where Luciana stood against her friends that I finally laid my future happiness out and waited for what my fate will be.
The response was not what I had expected, although I should have known it would happen.
"I will tell you my answer Erik," she said, "but you need to do one thing for me. I must insist and you cannot deny me this for if you do… then I know you do not love me like you claim so prettily and eloquently too."
"I do love you Luciana!" I exclaimed. "Name anything and I will do it! I am your willing servant!"
"Remove your mask," she declared.
"No," I refused instantly. "Anything but that I beg of you Luciana."
"You just said to name anything and that you were my willing servant. This is what I request and you are denying me. Then you must not love me as you say!"
"I do! Oh Luciana! You must believe me! But this thing… I cannot honor it for if I do… I cannot bear to see that pure love in your eyes turn to fear, hate, and disgust."
"How can you assume that is how I feel? I love you Erik. I see your soul and heart and that is beautiful. Allow me to gaze into the face of my future husband. If I should accept you, then I want to accept all of you and not this unemotional mask. Remove it or I will never see you again for as long as I live!"
To hear the finality in her tone… it broke my heart. I wanted to please her, but I was afraid if I did this, I would lose what I wanted for so long.
I thought that my mask did not matter to her and that she could live with the false image of her handsome husband. But that had been a fool's hope and the last thing I wanted was to spur Luciana away from me.
So with a heavy heart, I knew what I must do and if it cursed my happiness, then it will be done. I would have only myself to blame.
I just prayed that she and God will be merciful.
I tugged the string kept hidden by my hair and peeled off my mask. Holding it between my fingers I waited for her judgment.
"That's better," Luciana said. "Erik, look at me."
I was astounded by the turn of events as she did not scream or curse me or demand that I leave. So I looked at her and she continued to smile at me with that loving façade.
"Yes Erik. I will be your wife."
xxXXxx
"Our wedding took place within a fortnight. Luciana insisted she couldn't bear to wait any longer to have my name and had to become my wife as soon as possible. What could I do but obey her wish? In that short period of time it was a grand affair put together and our guest list was impressive. Not only did we have the locals invited, but some of the wealthiest and noblest families in England. I was known as the luckiest man in the world and I felt it. For I thought Luciana was my other half, my angel of lightness. She accepted and loved me despite my face.
"Oh yes… I was a fortunate bastard. The only plight at my wedding was meeting Luciana's cousin—Raoul de Chagny."
xXx
The reception was a gay event and I needed a short break from the festivity. I went to the bar to share a drink with my best man.
"So Erik. You're a married man. I never thought I live to see the day you wed before me."
"Cheer up Nadir. I'm sure you found one lucky lady to bask in your charms among Luciana's friends."
"In fact, several. Luciana has many delightful friends. But I fear they lacked what your wife has and I find them to be boring."
"Boring? At my wedding? I'm hurt. I thought all young ladies will be searching for the next bridegroom at these things. Ayesha! Isn't that true? Are young ladies on the prowl for a potential mate at these gatherings?"
"I suppose," my sister laughed as she came to stand next to me, her husband behind her. "Of course I believe that makes one quite desperate. Heed my advice Nadir. Run for your life or you will find yourself attached to a leech for the rest of your life."
"Always the romantic, my dear," Giles teased. "Don't let her fool you. There are some fine ladies who will be glad to be Mrs. Khan."
"I appreciate the pep talk," Nadir said. "But I might take a page in Erik's book and wait. He did and what a catch!"
"Or near death experience," I corrected as I searched for my beautiful bride and when I caught sight of her… I frowned at the dashing man whose arms she was entwined in.
Now, I knew Luciana could be a flirt, and it normally didn't bother me for I knew it meant nothing, but the way she looked at this particular fellow… my blood was boiling.
I purposefully pushed my way through the merry guests and tapped on his shoulder, clearing my throat so my wife knew it was I. The boy turned around and gave me this amusing grin that I found to be quite annoying.
"Ah, the man of the hour!" he chirped. "You must be Erik de Winter, Luciana's husband!"
"You are right sir," I said tightly. "Who the devil are you?"
"Erik!" Luciana chuckled like this was some grand joke. "Don't be so dour, especially on our wedding. There is no need for that attitude for this is the very person I have longed for you to meet! May I present my dearest cousin—Raoul de Chagny."
"Cousin?" I repeated. "I thought he was a former flame of yours."
The two exchanged looks and laughed. "I would have to say who isn't when it comes to my precious Luciana," Raoul said. "It is nice to meet you at last. My cousin has spoken about you incessantly."
"Oh?" I thought it was strange that he should know me when I knew nothing about him. "I did not know Luciana had a cousin."
"Of course I have a cousin. Everyone has cousins! But I am sorry I had not mentioned Raoul. It was wrong of me, but you must see, I was rather cross with him. Raoul left me for months to the Continent and had not written to me. Not even once!" Luciana wagged her finger at him. "Naughty, naughty Raoul! I feared the worst and here you are at my wedding of all places! Is this how you treat me after playing together for years as children?"
"Forgive me cousin," Raoul bowed, taking her hand and kissing it with penance. "I was a fool to worry you, but I see you found yourself a husband so you couldn't have been as worried as you claimed. I couldn't be more happier! Luciana made the wise choice in marrying you Erik. I know the two of you will have many happy years together."
xxXXxx
"He had been part of the plot, but although I was not aware of it yet, there was something about that man that bothered me. The way he looked at my wife… and the way she behaved around him. I should have confronted them from the start! But I was a newlywed and such a dark suspicion I refused to cross my mind. I could not accept the implications if it were so. However, I found it odd that Luciana never once spoke about her dearest cousin whom she was fond of calling him. To hear of their history… shouldn't that be something told to her current lover?
"She knew my family, but I was not shown the same respect. And for good reason I learned. For on the fourth day of our marriage, in Monte Carlo during our honeymoon, I discovered the true character and nature of my wife…"
xXx
We were picnicking on that very same cliff I shown you and where I first heard you sing. It was there Luciana confessed all to me and that love I thought I felt for her turned to hatred.
"Erik, I need to tell you something and as we are married, you should know the real reason I married you.
"First, I must confess I do not love you. I never had and how could I when I saw your face? That's right. Your face is hideous and loathsome and it sickened me to keep a straight face. I wasn't until you left I vomited as the bile was too much for me. I called Raoul to come over—yes Raoul—the cousin you thought left me. On what fun it was too! You believed me when I told you I loved you and when I said Raoul was gone traveling. What a fantastic joke! But after seeing you, I needed to see a human face—perfect and flawless—to keep my memory of you from not returning. Do not be crossed Erik for you must know I did you a favor. A very kind and generous favor some might say and I am nothing but a generous soul. No woman in her right mind will be willingly tied to you. And it would be crime against nature to allow that stately Manderley to go to waste and without a feminine touch.
"So I propose this deal that even you cannot refuse. Think carefully, my dear, for this is the only chance you have to ensure Manderley's survival and I know how much you love your dear home. I will make Manderley famous than what it is already. I guarantee that with my touch and guidance, your home will be praised by not only England but the whole world! Visitors will flock to Manderley from all over and you will be revered as the man who has everything he could ever ask for. Not only that but I can ensure you will have everlasting friendships with those in my acquaintance, and as you know, I am friendly with the royals.
"In return, I will play the role of the doting and loving wife. I will be the wife you wanted in appearances and you must be the loving husband to me. We will be the happiest and loving couple in England. People will be envious of our love and they will wish they could have what we share. But you must remember that this will be part of the charade. We must act like a couple in love otherwise it would be exposed. And if anyone should comment about your mask, I will defend that you have the handsomest face in the world and it must be hidden to protect you.
"Now if you should go against this proposition that I have laid out for you, and it is a very good deal you must admit, I will promise you that I will destroy you. I know the truth behind that mask and I know how much you want to preserve your reputation and character. If you were to cross me, then I will reveal to the world the demonic visage you have and how I was tricked in becoming your wife and how you raped and abused me to keep me under your power. Yes I will do that. You know of my high connections and it will not be difficult for me to persuade them what a monster you truly are. Your friends will defend you, of course, but their pleas will be drowned out by the pitiful woes I will make. And I will have friends who will come to my aid to rescue me. Mrs. Danvers will agree with anything I say and there is my dearest cousin… he will vouch for me. And since I am beloved in this community… I will certainly win Erik while you will lose everything you fought for and loved.
"What will it be my dear?"
TBC…