Do not own Orange Is the New Black or any of the characters.
I just want to say thank you to all the lovely messages you guys left in a review on my last update. You guys are the sweetest. :)
A frustrated sigh escaped Piper's mouth as she stared down at the blank screen of her phone. She had no miss calls or texts.
Well, she had one text, but it was only from her brother Cal asking about her upcoming art show. Other than that, she'd had no contact from anyone else. She had debated about calling Alex all day, but resisted the urge. She knew that Alex would call her when she was ready to do so.
She just had to be patient that was all.
Piper tried to keep herself busy all day with running errands and such that she usually saved for the middle of the week. However, since her and Alex sudden spat? argument? she wasn't really sure what to call it. It hadn't really been a fight, a proper one at least, she had tried not to worry about it, thinking that Alex would call her eventually. She always did.
However, the wait was killing her.
She knew it was silly for her to worry about the state of her relationship with the brunette over one phone call. But from a early age, the blonde had been somewhat of a worry-wart. And here she was, worrying again about something, she wasn't sure she should be making a big deal about.
Placing the phone down onto the floor, she reached down for the open bottle of white wine beside the tub.
Piper sank herself lower into the soapy water of the bath as brought the bottle up to her lips and drank greedily from it. The wine was lukewarm as it hit the back of her mouth and slid down her throat. She didn't care if it was lukewarm, she just wanted to get drunk and to stop thinking about her girlfriend. She just wanted to numb the pain that was currently filling her heart.
They've had fights before.
The couple was constantly disagreeing on things, but they were stupid little fights that always ended with them laughing and forgiving one another. But this was different and the blonde didn't know how to fix it. She wasn't sure if there was really anything to fix. Alex, just clearly needed space from her. And maybe that was why she was so worried. Not because she feared that Alex was mad at her in anyway, but because, she was worried about her girlfriend. She had only known Alex for a short while, but this was the first time she had seen Alex so, not vulnerable, that wasn't the word. Alex just hadn't been her usual self today, she guessed was the best way to describe it. Piper wanted Alex to be open with her, but she couldn't blame her for not telling her right off the bat.
Placing the bottle back down onto the floor, she wiped her lips with the back of her hand, and stared intensely at the chipped pink nail polish on the big toe of her right foot. Her pulse picked up slightly as a wave of nerves came over her.
She immediatly brought the bottle of wine back up to her lips and took another swig from it.
Carol Chapman's face suddenly filled her mind as she thought about a random memory of her mother telling her about the proper abdicate of a lady. Her mother, if she were here would probably frown at the sight of her daughter drinking wine straight from the bottle like some alcoholic.
She didn't know why she was thinking about her mother all the sudden, but she was. Despite calling her folks every few days, she hadn't seen them since she had moved to the city. She hadn't been up to the Chapman's summer house to visit like she had promised she would. She dreaded going up to the Cape. She felt, no she knew she had changed since moving to the city and everything. And she didn't want to fall into old habits again like she always seemed to do when around her family. All that being said, she knew she couldn't tell her parents about Alex. No one knew about her, other than Polly who she had sworn to secretive for the moment. Piper knew she would have to come clean eventually with them, but she honestly wasn't ready for that conversation. She didn't want them, especially her mother to come between the good thing she had going with Alex. She knew Carol would just frown and say something judgmental like she always did. Her mother would just say it was some sort of rebellion she was going through like she was some teenager and not a grown woman living on her own, able to make her own life decisions.
Her laughter filled her ears.
A glistening smile hung over her face. White pearl teeth. A half moon smile. The Cheshire cat and she was Alice lost in the wonderful world of Wonderland.
She stared at those lips hovering over her face. They were fucking perfect, she thought.
God, she was happy.
Nothing got better than this. Just her and her girl and heroin.
She stretched her neck and kissed this beautiful cheshire moon smile hanging over her. A sensation of pureness washed slowly through her bloodstream as the kiss developed and the effects of the drug set in.
This was happiness, she thought. The heat and softness of her girlfriend's lips against her own. The mellowness that overcame her every time she injected the needle into her arm. The feeling was very similar to that sleepiness right after a powerful climax. That dreamy mellow blissful state after sex. When all you want to do is curl up next to the warm body of your partner and fall into a deep deep sleep.
That feeling knowing that you are loved.
That was what she was feeling exactly right now as the sweet slipperiness of her girlfriend's tongue darted into her mouth.
A cold sweat drenched her body as her eyes fluttered open.
It took Alex a moment to figure out where she was as Fleetwood Mac's Dreams played in the background. She was in her bedroom. And she was alone. Her eyes darted around the darkened bedroom as if expecting to see a needle of sorts lying around.
However, there was nothing around her, expected for a pen and a empty pack of cigarettes.
She immediatly buried her face into her hands as a slight relief washed through her. Her dream had been brief, but it had still been very vivid for her. It had been a while since she had dreamed of the past. A lot of her past was a dreamy fog. Half of her memories she couldn't recall had actually happened or had been something she dreamt of happening when she was high.
It had been a while since she had seen Cori's face. Allowed for herself to think about the person who had gotten her into this whole mess in the first place. Her ex had been her first love. Their relationship had been brief, not lasting more than a couple of months or so. But it had been so intense and fast burning in the moment. Alex had and would've done everything for her. She had been young when she had met her. She had been extremely attracted and obsessed with her the moment she introduced herself.
The image of her ex lingered in her mind for a few moments longer before being replaced with the face of her current girlfriend.
Guilt washed through her as she lifted her head and looked immediatly at her phone which was resting beside her. She still hadn't called Piper after promising to do so earlier.
There wasn't a night that hadn't gone by that the two hadn't talked to one another since getting together. If they weren't at least spending the night together, they made the effort to phone one another. Even if it was just for five minutes or so. It had become a habit for them to say goodnight to each other before going to bed.
She glanced down at her phone, staring at the time displayed on it. It was now two in the morning. She couldn't possibly call Piper now, it was too late. However, she desperately was overcome with a sudden need to call her girlfriend and hear her voice. She didn't know if she would be sleeping or not. It was a toss up. Piper was sometimes like a old grandma who fell asleep at 9 in front of the TV with a tea in her hands. Or a complete night owl, wanting to stay up to watch the sunrise over the city.
She sat there, staring at the small digits displayed on the screen before looking down at the screen saver. It was a picture of her and Piper. She knew it was cheesy to have a picture of her and her girlfriend as her phone display, but she liked the photo. Piper had been the one to take it, complaining that they didn't have enough photos together. In the picture Piper's cheek was pressed up against her own. Alex was wearing her usual half smile half smirk on her face. Her eyes weren't looking into the camera but at Piper, who seemed to be about to laugh at something. Her eyes were closed in the picture.
The blonde had detested the photo after it had been taken and demanded a retake where they both were looking at the camera and smiling. However, this had been Alex's personal favourite over the other ones that had been taken on that day. She loved the candidness of the shot.
After talking to her mother, she realized that she shouldn't shut Piper out. Maybe, she didn't have to tell her everything just yet about her past, but she didn't have to push her away either. She hadn't explained all the details to her mother about what was going on with Piper and or especially what had arisen at the bar. She knew her mother would assist that she quite her job at Coyote after hearing about the now issue of drugs being there. She didn't want to quite her job though. She actually liked being a bartender. Customers weren't always her favourite, but she enjoyed the people she worked with.
After swiping her finger across the screen, she immediatly brought Piper's number up in her contacts. She knew there was a good chance that Piper wouldn't even take her call. She had been an ass to her today.
Letting out a deep breath, she pressed the phone to her ear, listening as it began to ring.
The blue folky tone of Joni Mitchell filled the room as Piper painted away at her easel. She had started a new piece that night. Not that she needed a new one. She really should be finishing up the painting for her upcoming art show. However, since it was a painting of Alex, she wasn't really in the mood to work on it. So after finishing her bottle of wine in the bath, she decided to start a new painting. This one was an abstract piece.
Running her paint brush across the canvas, she heard her phone go off. The blonde immediatly froze as she turned her attention away from the canvas and over to her phone which was resting just a few feet away on her coffee table. She didn't know who was phoning her, but she had a pretty good idea, or so she hoped. There was really only one person who would dare to call her so late into the night.
Her pulse began to race as she continued to sit there listening to her ringtone. She knew she should answer it. She wanted to answer and talk to Alex. She hated how they had left things. She didn't want to go to sleep without hearing Alex's voice, wishing her a good night. She had become so accustomed to their nightly talks over the past months. That was probably why she was still up now, painting a new masterpiece instead of in bed like a normal person would be.
Piper didn't move an inch though as the phone continued to ring. It seemed that as much as her heart wanted to answer the call, or mind and body were thinking something different.
A few moments passed before the phone stopped. Joni Mitchell's voice was once again the only thing filling Piper's ears.
"Fuck," she cursed.
She really should had answered it. Taking a deep breath, Piper threw her paint brush down and stood up. She slowly then made her way over to the coffee table, finally finding the strength to stand it seemed. She reached for the phone, which happily informed her that she had a new voicemail message. She typed in the passcode before bringing the phone to her ear. A moment later, Alex's voice was filling her ear.
"Hey...it's me. Alex...I'm sorry for calling so late...I hope by not picking up that you are just sleeping through this call and not just ignoring me for leaving you earlier...I just...I needed...I...I. Please just call me back, kid."
Piper, found herself once again unsure of what to do as she stood there listening to the message end and the automatic voice telling her opinions. She could easily redial if she pressed 1 or listen to the message again if she pressed 2 or delete the entire thing if she pressed 3. Or to exit and not have to deal with the entire thing, she could just press 4.
The blonde could easily be a bitch about the situation and not call Alex back. Teaching her girlfriend some sort of lesson she wasn't even sure she wanted to be teaching her. In the past, she might had considered this opinion. Giving her partner the silent treatment. However, she was trying to be less selfish these days and more understanding. Plus, Alex seemed to need her space at the moment. Piper knew that Alex was struggling with something and as much as she wanted to know what it was, she didn't feel like it was her place to stick her nose in. She wanted her to come to her when she was ready to.
She decided that it was time for her to stop playing these silly games like she had in high school. If she wanted to call Alex back and talk to her, she should. Collapsing onto the couch, she pressed one.
Alex awoke groggy the next morning.
She could hear Leanne in the kitchen as she rose slowly from the bed and reached for glasses on the nightstand. The room smelt strongly of smoke and her teeth needed a good brushing. However as much as she should open up a window and go to the bathroom.
She didn't.
Alex stretched liked a cat against the pillows. Her plan to get up had suddenly vanished from her mind. She was now too lazy to get out of bed and start the day. She technically didn't have to be up until a few hours later. It was Monday, so she didn't have anywhere to be for the day besides at Jones' class to model.
Throwing her arm over her face, she let out a sigh.
She hated this.
She felt exhausted and hung over, even though she had only consumed one beer last night. She felt like shit. Her heart felt heavy with sadness and guilt. She hadn't felt this shitty in a while. It just seemed that everything that had been going well in her life had suddenly crumbled into one big fucking mess. First with her job and now with her relationship with Piper. Not to mention her own self of mind. She with this inner struggle with addiction would go away. She hadn't gotten high in four years. That should be good enough. Weren't thing suppose to get easier as time went on? Or was that just for broken hearts and grief and not heroin addictions.
Deep down, Alex knew she was stronger then she thought she was and would never go back to that life style. She liked her life for the most part now and thought she had a good sense of herself not like she had back then. She had been young and stupid when she had first started using. She had thought like every other junkie thought, that they weren't addicted. That the drug didn't have this powerful hold over her like it did over everyone else. But wake up one day and you realize that you can't function normally without it. You demand on it like you do oxygen and food. You need to shoot up in order to survive.
With her face still covered, Alex reached for her phone, which was resting on the nightstand.
She was overcome with the need to talk to her girlfriend, even though they had talked mere hours ago. She had picked up on the first ring after Piper had called her back. She just wanted to hear her voice. It was the same need she had last night to hear her mother's voice. She just wanted to hear the sweet laughter of her girlfriend's voice. To hear her go off talking about some random thing she saw on TV or read about in the newspaper.
The phone rang twice before a sleeping sounding Piper answered.
The blonde had barely looked at the number as she answered it. She had just woken up a few moments earlier. So she was pretty much half a sleep still as she pressed the phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey," whispered Alex, turning onto her side.
"Hey," spoke Piper.
There was a brief moment of silence between the couple as they both waited for the other to speak first. The only noise that could be heard was the sound of their own breathing and the brief ruffling of sheets.
"I'm sorry if I woke you," murmured Alex, not being able to take the silence.
"You didn't."
"It sounds like I did."
"I was already up," explained Piper. She had made an effort to clear her throat to try to keep the sleep from her voice.
Alex couldn't help but chuckle slightly in response to hearing the blonde's quick reply.
They were both quiet for a while after this, not really sure what to say. They both wanted to talk and see each other, but saying it out loud seemed hard to do at this moment. So they just seemed to lay there in bed, listening to the sound of each others breathing. In some weird way it was like that they were there together, laying side by side instead of in two completely different beds on different sides of the city.
"Can I see you?"
"I would like that," whispered back Piper as she turned onto her side.
The softness of rain could be heard from the open bedroom window as the couple fell onto the bed. After hanging up on each other, Piper had gotten out of bed and headed over to Alex's apartment. It was usually, Alex heading over to her place. However, this time it was Piper who came to her.
Alex's roommate had long ago left before the blonde had showed up. The couple had greeted each other shyly before Alex was leading the blonde to her bedroom. It wasn't in a sexual, I-need-you-right-now action. It was more in a gentle caress of fingers as they intertwined together like school children playing a game. It was filled with tenderness.
They barely spoke a word to each other as Alex, who was still in her pyjamas curled her body around Piper's. Her hand slid underneath the blonde's loose t-shirt and rested against the flatness of her stomach, just at the edge of her ribcage. She kissed the back of Piper's neck before pressing her face into the soft spot between her shoulder blades. The brunette immediatly closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of her girlfriend. A warmth of calmness flushed through her from head to toe. It was the same feeling she got whenever she got a quick wift of something that reminder of home. It scared her a bit to think that something as simple as the scent of her girlfriend's clothes could immediatly put her at ease like it was now. She wasn't use to this. Sure, certain scents and smells had a effect on her in the past. Perfumes of old flames causing desire within her, but what Piper's scent did to her was much more than a lustful feeling.
Piper didn't say anything as she felt the heat of Alex's body press into her backside. She held her tongue for once as she allowed for Alex to cling to her like a security blanket. This was nice, she thought. With the sound of rain falling from the window and the warmth of Alex's hand against her skin. It was nice.
The peacefulness of the current moment was too nice to ruin. So instead, they continued to cuddle on the bed, listening to the rain and just enjoy the presence of each other's bodies.
Neither of them remember falling asleep, but they must have sometime after Piper had come over. It was late in the afternoon as the couple awoke from their slumber.
"Hi."
"Hi."
The couple looked at each other for a second before sharing a tender kiss. Their lips pressed ever so slightly into one another in the briefest of touches before pulling away.
"Are you hungry?" asked Alex as she moved into a seated position on the bed. Her eyes gazed on at Piper for a second before reaching for her glasses which had fallen off at some point during their nap.
"Sure," replied Piper, sitting up herself on the bed. She tucked her hair which had fallen out of it's ponytail behind her ears. She smiled nervously at Alex, who continued to look at her. She tried to read her girlfriend's mind, but was having difficulty doing so. The brunette's face was blank of emotion it seemed at the moment. Whatever it was that Alex was feeling and thinking about, she was keeping it hidden from her.
Alex adjusted her glasses before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Piper's cheek. "Stay here," she whispered. "I'll be back."
"Kay," whispered the blonde as she watched Alex leave the room.
It had stopped raining and a weak ray of sunlight was trying to pour in through the window.
Piper brought her legs up to her chest and just stared pointlessly at this small weak light cascading into the room. She tried not to allow herself to over think and begin to worry. She admitted, she was a little scared to hear what her girlfriend had to say to her about her past.
The blonde's previous relationships had been pretty safe to say the least when it came to the other person. All her exes came from the same upbringing as she had. First with Larry, who was really nothing special. He was a safe average guy. The perfect first boyfriend. Then there had been Liam, who despite his bad boy movie star good looks, claiming he was misunderstood and loathed any type of authority, a lost soul. He had turned out to be just like any other preppy boy she had gone to school with. He was just rebelling, using up every ounce of his youth before he was forced to join the family business for good. Despite, his bleach blonde long hair and five o'clock shadow, Carol had actually approved of Liam. Of course, it was probably also do to the fact that both their parents knew each other from their own college days. Liam had lasted six months or so before Piper had gotten bored.
There had been a few suitors after him.
Each one, Piper had claimed to be the one. However, how great they had been in the moment, they were all now grey and dull in comparison to Alex.
She cared deeply for her. Cared for her more than she could ever really remember carrying for someone so early on in a relationship before. Their relationship was still very much new. Just like her life in New York was. There were parts of the city she had yet to discover, just like there were parts of Alex she was still learning about, like her past. Piper had her own thoughts and suspicions on what this past consisted of. But she had no real idea. In this way, Alex was still very much a mystery to her. However, she didn't seem like a mystery, despite this big factor of the past.
She felt like she knew Alex pretty well. Maybe not about what she had done two or three years ago. Or what her relationship with her exes had been like. However, she did know other things about her girlfriend. Present things like how she liked her eggs scrambled in the morning and her taste in music and books.
Alex returned a few minutes later with two steamy plates of leftover Indian food from the pervious night.
Piper couldn't help but smile as she breathed in the familiar scent of butter chicken. Just then her stomach grumbled, making her realize how hungry she actually was. She hadn't eaten a single thing that day.
"Thanks," spoke Piper as she took the plate of food from Alex. "I'm surprise you have this left over. You love this stuff."
"I thought about eating it," replied Alex as she got into bed. "But Leanne hates the smell. So I can only eat it when she not here."
Piper nodded her head in understanding of this. She remembered Alex mentioning something about her roommates deep hatred for Indian food and loathed it even more when Alex brought it home. It was things like that, that made Piper happy that she lived on her own and could bring home all the smelly food she wanted without anyone complaining.
"Well, I'm glad. More for me then," chuckled the blonde in attempt to lighten the mood.
The corner of Alex's mouth curled up into a smile at this. She had thought about eating the leftovers last night, despite her roommates hatred of the smell of the stuff, but had changed her mind, knowing she wanted to save it for when she saw Piper again. It had seemed a little pathetic at the time with not knowing when exactly she would see her again. But now, she was happy she had waited to eat the leftovers with Piper.
"You don't have to tell me," began to speak Piper.
Alex looked up from her food at this and cocked an eyebrow.
"Like...I know I already said you didn't have too, but I just want to make it clear," ramble on Piper, who had yet to touch her food. "I don't care."
Alex dropped her fork onto her plate before placing it down beside her. She figured they were going to talk about it now.
"I don't care if you snorted cocaine with Lindsay Lohan or killed a man in Reno. I don't care what you did," continued Piper. She could tell that Alex was hurting and she just wanted to make it right between them. She didn't want to judge Alex for what she had done in the past, way before her. She didn't want to be judgemental like her mother. As much as it was killing her not to find out, she would go there. She would be patient, she told herself. She would wait as long as she had to for Alex to feel comfortable enough to open up about her past.
"Who do you think I am? Johnny Cash?" asked Alex in amusement at hearing song reference.
"You know what I mean," whispered Piper. She hadn't meant to do a Johnny Cash reference, but she was just trying to make a point here and Alex was ruining it.
"I didn't kill a man if that's what you were thinking," spoke Alex in all seriousness. "My past isn't that dark. You should know that I'm much more of a lover not a killer."
Piper just rolled her eyes at Alex's remark. They would never have a proper serious moment with each other, she thought. She shook her head briefly before beginning to eat her chicken.
Alex's roommate had returned some time ago from work, however that didn't stop the couple from their activities in the bedroom.
Alex kissed the side of Piper's neck, slowly making her way down to her chest. Her movements were slow and tender. She wanted to cover every bare inch of Piper's flesh in kisses. She wanted to savoir her like a fine meal.
Piper seemed to have the same idea as Alex did. Her hands roamed Alex's chest and ribcage. She wanted to touch and feel every part of her body.
They both seemed to be acting out on some sort of deep desire and need. It wasn't sexual release that they wanted, but simple human intimacy.
Their bodies moved together in a slow dance. Pleasure and passion building ever so slightly.
It was hard to describe what was ultimately happening between them. The plates of their relationship were shifting. They were becoming one in not only in a physical being but an emotional way. Sure, they had declared that they were in a relationship and things were moving forward for them. But something more was happening.
It had a name.
However, they didn't dare to voice it.
They knew they could no longer keep on denying what was happening here. They were falling in love. They both needed each other, in different ways but the need was still very much the same. Alex as much as she tried to deny her need for love and just plain acceptance. She knew that deep down she needed Piper for a lot more than just a good time in bed.
Piper had ended up coming suddenly into her life with her slightly ditsy deer in headlights ways. She was not only hot and a talented artist, but she was smart and could be just a big goof ball at times. She was complicated and flawed and she liked her even more for this. Alex had been attractive to her and had first just thought of her as some new challenge, having just ended her relationship with her previous girlfriend, who had turned out to be a bit of a nut case. But since starting their relationship and realizing it was much more than just a fling, Alex was also kinda realizing she hadn't really been happy until now.
The brunette had never really given her issues of not committing to a long term relationship much thought before. She had just always figured she wouldn't be that type of girl to settle down really. She wasn't one who looked for love and romance. She had always been that girl who just want to have fun. Life, she always thought was way to short to commit to one person. And now, she was maybe thinking that she had just used that as an excuse to what she actually really truly craved in life. Love.
Sure, flings were fun and had their moments.
But her mind set had seemed to shifted without her really taking notice of it.
Like Alex, love was the last thing that Piper had been looking for when she first took notice of Alex across the street at Starbucks. At that point, she had just been looking for a job. Some sort of way to making a living. To support herself in this strange new city. However, love is what she found, along with a job. Her feelings for the brunette had cause her much confusion at first. This being her first ever real, girl crush if you would. But it was much more than a crush as things soon developed further from innocent flirting, and now she deeply cared for this woman stretched out on top of her.
Opening her eyes, she looked up at Alex, who's face hovered inches above hers. Titling her neck up, Piper pressed her lips hard against Alex's, drawing her into a long kiss.
Thanks for reading and please review.
Julie