Interlude – Zada

Jehanna still stands. We killed a general of Grado, and Jehanna still stands. It is bleeding, wounded, but it didn't fall. It's rather impressive, considering everything. Of course, it doesn't mean that this is a victory. Queen Ismaire is dead, for instance. Jehanna's sacred stone was broken. All of us are exhausted. I would call this Grado's win, but at least we made them pay for it dearly.

When the rain cleared up, a couple days after that very long day, Cormag and I flew patrols to see if Grado really did leave. We found a lot of them had drowned in the flooding, and those that survived ran like hell. Part of me felt sad, but the rest of me is relieved. We can rest, just for a little bit. It's a rest we all need desperately.

I walked slowly and carefully through the halls of Jehanna Hall, carrying my tray as if it was made of glass, mostly because there were two drinks and a plate of food on it that I really didn't want to fall. When the rain ended, and the floodings stopped, the people of the city threw themselves into cleaning the place, meaning we all moved in here, for easier access, since the mercenaries and the civilians had many questions for us. And then there were the tailors. Every single person in our little group had fittings and new clothes made, partially to help us deal with the heat and partially because ours were getting a little threadbare from all the abuse we'd put them through. My new clothes ended up being based off of Queen Ismaire's clothes, both her practical wear for fighting and her looser, flowy stuff like what I wore now, long skirts with high slits up the side and light long-sleeved shirts with trailing sleeves. Wonderfully comfortable given the heat, though it was certainly more expensive than anything I wore before the war. Same with the new boots I'd gotten, knee-high and with a bit of a heel, much like riding boots. I felt like a princess, truthfully, and it added a bit to my nerves as I made my way to Joshua's study. I felt like I had to somehow live up to the feeling, and that wasn't something I knew how to do.

When I reached the study, with everything still thankfully intact, I walked in without knocking. I had his permission to do so, one of the three people he allowed. Natasha, Gerik, and me. Natasha and me because we were Joshua's family, and Gerik was helping him clear the Guild of corruption and the like. Because, of course, despite it only being a week since everything happened, Joshua was neck-deep in paperwork. I worried he was using the work as a way to escape grief, but I also knew that others more qualified were keeping an eye on him, so I just tried to be the supportive little sister. And hoped desperately that I wouldn't fail at it, like I had with Orson.

"Time for a meal," I half-sang to catch his attention, setting the tray down on the corner of the desk so that I could pointedly place a plate of food right on some papers he was working on. I also set the utensils on top of his spare pens. "And some tea. I know you'd probably want something different, but the tea is on Natasha's orders."

"Meaning it's got some sort of medicine hidden in it," Joshua sighed. Still he smiled up at me and did put down his pen to take the mug. "Ah, the new clothes finished then?

"Yep, all of us are wearing the brand new clothes, and are very happy for it."

"They suit you."

"Do they?" I looked down at the clothes and smiled. Regardless of how nervous I felt, I did like the cut and I did like how I looked in them. "Well, they're perfect for this weather."

"I'd hope so, since we've had over 800 years worth of time to adapt clothing to said weather." He sipped the tea and made a face. "Ugh, there is definitely medicine in this. Bitter as all hell."

"Which is why I got you some water too." I carefully set the glass on one of the few places not covered in papers. "But tea first."

"Yes, yes." He studied the mug, likely calculating how much there was, and whimpered. "Ugh… why does medicine have to taste bad?"

"To deter dependency." As always, I was tempted to ask just what the medicine was for, but I didn't. I figured it might've been for some infection he'd picked up, considering the number of times he reopened his injury, or maybe with everything going on, he'd managed to get himself sick. If I was was wrong, well… Natasha knew what she was doing. "But I am under specific instructions to make sure you drink all of it."

"Ugh…" Joshua pouted up at me before sighing and taking a huge gulp of the tea. "Your sunburn seems to have finally cleared up."

"Yep. I didn't even freckle. Unlike Tana, Neimi, and Amelia." A week of careful tending had led to us all mostly recovering from the fighting finally. Though some, like Joshua, were still dealing with injuries. That wound Carlyle inflicted on his side just refused to heal. "How are you?"

"Hmm? I'm fine."

"Sure." I brushed the hair out of his face and studied him. He did a good job hiding it, but I could see the dark circles under his eyes, and how gaunt he was. He wasn't sleeping still. "Well, I brought you food. I thought it might help take the taste of the medicine out of your mouth."

"Yay, you're the best." He downed the rest of the tea, and pulled the plate a little closer to him, using his fork to poke at it curiously. "Is this a fruit omelet? With dates and figs? I'm surprised you got the cooks to make a Renasi dish."

"Er… well… I didn't." I fidgeted a bit with my hands, nervous again. "I made it."

"You did?" He gave me an incredulous look. "They let you? They wouldn't let me even grab a bit of bread."

"I bullied them into it, and they gave up when they realized I'm far more stubborn than they are." I scowled at him. "Go ahead and eat, brother. Like I said, I made it just for you."

"Sure, sure. I don't know why you're nervous. I've eaten your cooking before." He took a big bite and smiled warmly, humming in delight. "And, what do you know! It's delicious. Like all your other things. Seriously, why were you nervous? You're an amazing cook. That's why we have you and Neimi cook all the time."

"Well, it's a dish I haven't made in… oh, gods, over two years now, and it's with fruit I haven't used before." I smiled and made myself relax, clasping my hands in front of me to try and hold them still. "The family story goes that whenever Father was back home, he would make fruit omelets for the family. When he died, Mother would make them whenever Monica or I needed a little pick-me-up meal, because we associated with so strongly with 'family' and 'warmth'. When she died, Monica and I kept up the tradition. Whenever one of us was particularly sad, the other would make it." Hers were always better, though. I'd loved them. "But, like I said, I haven't made it in two years. However, I also thought you'd need a little pick-me-up too, considering everything, so I did my best."

"…" Joshua stared at me for a moment, apparently in shock, before he stood up suddenly and hugged me tightly. "Thanks, petal. Really, that's…"

"You just promise to be careful and to not push yourself too much." I leaned into him, hugging him as tightly as I dared. I was very worried about his lingering wounds. "I lost one brother to grief. I'd rather not lose a second. But, so long as you truly are fine, I won't push, okay?"

"Thank you, petal." He kissed the top of my head before resting his cheek against it. "I am doing fine. Mostly."

"You're not sleeping."

"Well, no, I'm not, but I do get some. And I do make sure to take breaks. I just need something to do or I freeze up."

"I figured." I stepped back and poked his cheek, smiling and hiding my worries. Most of them were simply being terrified I'd lose him like I lost Orson anyway. "Make sure you eat all of it, okay? I'll be by later to get the dishes."

"No, I'll actually handle that for my break." He ruffled my hair and I made a face. "But yes, I'll make sure to eat all of it."

"Okay." Not really having more to say, I simply smiled again and left the room, shutting the door behind me to give him privacy. I lingered a bit, still worried, but I reminded myself that I trusted him to watch his health. So, I made myself walk away, heading to the balcony nearby. It had the best view of the city, at least in my opinion.

I hadn't had the time to really appreciate it before we moved into Jehanna hall, but Zada was a beautiful city of reds, yellows, and whites. Though most of the buildings also had black decorations, ribbons and banners mostly, to mourn not only King Raphael, but also Queen Ismaire. The people grieved for her bitterly. They reeled from Carlyle's shocking betrayal. And yet, despite that, there was something hopeful to it all, as everyone ran about doing their normal daily routines. They received some much-needed rain, enough that the Vrep was almost at its normal levels for this time of the year, and Joshua had returned after years of waiting. They believed that the future would be better. It made me worry all the more, though, because I feared their expectations weren't quite letting Joshua grieve the way he wanted, and needed. But he made his choices, so I'd just be there for him, as much as I could.

"Oh, Emma." Innes's voice dragged me from my thoughts, and I turned to see him walking towards the balcony, some papers in hand. "I'm not sure why it's a surprise to see you here," he commented, smiling slightly. He was a bit pale, like he hadn't slept much. I had a feeling most of our 'leaders' weren't getting the sleep they needed. "I suppose I expected you to have gone with Eirika on her market trip."

"She's with L'arachel, Neimi, and Amelia," I replied. I'd been invited, but I'd opted instead to make that fruit omelet for Joshua and to make sure his medicine got to him. I really did think he needed that pick-me-up. "If those papers are something for Joshua, do you mind waiting a bit? I just dropped off a meal for him."

"Yeah, it's not immediate, just the most current information on Grado's movements." He walked onto the balcony too, studying me closely. "Jehannan clothing suits you."

"That's the second time in less than an hour I've heard that. I suppose it must be very true."

"Well, at least from another's point of view. The sleeves will get in the way of shooting a bow, though."

"I've much more practical clothing for fighting. We're just not expecting a fight." I nodded to where he normally wore a chest-guard and an archer's glove for emphasis. Instead, he wore a simple long-sleeves shirt and pants, with a sleeveless surcoat over it. All new clothes from the tailors. "Do you mind if I ask about the information?"

"I don't. It's mostly unchanged. Grado seems to still be deciding whether or not to try and gobble up the desert again." He thumbed through the papers, eyes narrowing. "The more interesting, and surprisingly, bit of news is that it seems Prince Lyon's information was very accurate."

"So, Orson is leaving Renais to rot, and there are next to no soldiers except in the capital itself." I closed my eyes briefly. It hurt my heart to think of Orson. He'd wanted to become a knight to save people, and yet now he… "I'm sure Eirika and Ephraim will be happy to hear that."

"I can hear the 'I told you so's already." He sighed gustily and I had to laugh. "What do you think?"

"About Renais?" I looked back over the city, thinking on it. "Well, my first instinct is relief. I'm relieved that Lyon told the truth and that Eirika and Ephraim don't have to deal with another betrayal. I'm relieved that my home country might be freed, and that we can get a much needed morale boost. Not to mention potential soldiers and supplies."

"And your second instinct?"

"Well, after thinking about it, I can't help but wonder if it's another trap. Something to lure Eirika and Ephraim back to Renais in the hopes of either killing them for the bracelets or…"

"Or to snag the sacred stone after they've retrieved it."

"Precisely." I sighed, and brushed my hair behind my ear. I was wearing it down for once, just to really emphasize to myself that I wasn't fighting. "Still…"

"Still, liberating Renais can be tactically sound, providing we can come up with a good strategy."

"True." I glanced at him, a bit surprised at how quickly he said the words, before smirking. Considering how he was, I had a guess as to why that was. "Of course, you just really want get Eirika and Ephraim home."

"That's…" He scowled and I laughed, amused that I'd been right. "Not a word. I won't do it if it's not tactically sound."

"Of course."

"I mean it."

"I know."

"Seriously, not a word."

"I wouldn't dream of poking holes in your façade. Your social awkwardness does it for me."

"That's…!"

"Oh, hey, is it time to tease Innes silly?" Tana jumped out onto the balcony, grinning. Like Innes and me, she was in her new clothes, which looked a lot like what Marisa wore. "And there you are, Emma!" she laughed, latching onto my arm. Innes simply rolled his eyes. "Sorry for just appearing out of nowhere. Cormag and I were heading for a flight, and I was wondering if you'd like to come along. Vanessa's helping Lute with something."

"Mmm… sure, that does sound fun," I replied. More importantly, I knew Brynhildr would sulk if I didn't take up the offer. "But do you really want to save Innes from teasing?"

"It's a hard choice." She playfully began thinking about it, and Innes glowered. "I know! I'll join in, so that we can cram more in a shorter time!"

"Now that sounds amusing."

"Doesn't it?" She grinned and hopped over to Innes's side, to hug him. And pin him. "No escaping! I've got you now!"

We didn't actually tease him too long. Cormag was waiting and I had to change into more practical clothing. But it was hilarious to make him stammer and attempt to defend himself. It was even more hilarious when he retaliated, and made Tana squeak in protest. All in all, it became good fun.

"Managed to get that evidence, the forged ledgers among some other things, so I went ahead and got them dragged to the prisons for future conviction." Gerik lounged in his chair, reporting the latest results of his investigation to Joshua, but he took the time to smile when I handed him a mug of beer. "Thanks, lass," he murmured before focusing on Joshua again. "You don't mind I did that, right?"

"Nope, if anything, I think it'll save me some work," Joshua replied. He accepted the tea I passed him without a word. Whatever medicine Natasha had him on, it apparently mixed badly with alcohol, so he was forbidden to have it. I wondered if it was a way to cut off a potential 'drowning sorrows' thing. "Since I don't have to get involved, I won't have to oversee the judgment."

"Good. I was afraid they'd skip town, or try to." Gerik nursed his mug and glanced about the room. "So, why are we in a sunny parlor instead of your study? Don't get me wrong. It's lovely, with very comfy chairs and lots of pretty colors for the curtains. But I'm curious."

"Petal insisted I get out of the room and dragged me to the sunniest room she could find." Joshua shrugged and sipped his tea. It wasn't quite the truth. While I had indeed dragged him out of his study, he'd actually picked this room to rest in. It had been where he'd eat breakfast with his parents every morning, and the 'comfort' of the room was perfectly intentional. It was designed to be a room where the rulers could relax. I thought it telling that the room had been very dusty just a week ago. "So, here we are."

"Good choice, lass." He brought his mug up to silently toast me, and I smiled before busying myself in the corner, setting up the snacks I'd brought. Mostly just pomegranates, and a couple of other bits of fruit. I didn't want them ruining their dinner. "Though, lass, we can handle that stuff. You don't need to play waitress for us."

"She's portioning things out to make sure I eat properly, and sticking around to make sure I obey the healer's orders like a good boy."

"You better. That healer is also your lover."

"Yes, so petal is making sure I don't accidentally double-damn myself." Joshua's voice was light, so I knew he was grinning. "Slight subject change, but I never did ask how mad you were about my dramatic reveal, by the way. I've been told second-hand, but..."

"It still annoys the hell out of me. I suspected you. I very much did. But then I decided that there was no way. You would've at least changed your name or something!"

"Nope! To be fair, I was thirteen when I ran. What thirteen year old is smart?"

"None. You think you are at the time, but then you look back and wince at all the idiotic things you did and thought." Gerik smiled at me when I returned with two plates. "Oh, wow, pomegranates. Fancy."

"Welcome to the castle." Joshua shrugged and casually began eating the fruit. "To be more accurate, though, it was Mother's favorite food. Seems the servants hoarded them for this time of year to try and cheer her up."

"Aren't pomegranates associated with the Queen-Goddess of the Dead?"

"Well, if you listen to Grado's beliefs, She blessed Mother. Same with petal and me. But, really, she just liked the taste."

"Right…" He frowned at Joshua worriedly and glanced at me. I smiled slightly and he nodded, trusting that things were going to be okay. He wouldn't say it aloud, but he was very concerned for Joshua's mental health, same as the rest of us. "Anyway, that more or less ends that bit of investigation. I think I'm almost done with the list of suspects, so I think I need to pass on a message."

"From?"

"The Guild." He downed the last of his beer. I took the empty mug and handed him some tea in return. "Lass, you're fussing."

"She's also here to relay any important information to the others." Joshua grinned and Gerik sighed, but nodded. I think he understood the real reason. Joshua just wanted me around for moral support. It was a lot easier to do what you needed to do when family was near, and it wasn't like I had anything to do. I'd honestly probably be running errands for the others if I weren't here. "So, message?"

"Guild wants to know what you're planning." Gerik's expression became very serious and Joshua closed his eyes. "I'll admit that people are a bit uneasy ever since you made it perfectly clear that you planned on staying with the army. I don't think they quite understand the full threat. I know I didn't until I joined on. I thought it was a simple war, just on a grander scale. There's far too limited information coming in."

"I figured. Jehanna's gossip network relies on mercenaries traveling, and no one would tell a simple mercenary the true goal. But I know how to make them realize how deathly serious everything is." Joshua opened his eyes and straightened in his chair, strangely dignified for someone who looked like he really needed a nap. "The answer to the Guild's question is that I'm ordering a Full Call."

"You… well, shit." Gerik glanced down at the tea and then at me. "I don't suppose we have anything stronger than tea?"

"Not anymore," I replied, smiling apologetically. "I was balancing too much as is, and didn't really expect you to drink it so quickly." The Hall was on skeletal staff for mourning, and I didn't want to inconvenience the ones still here. "But what's a Full Call? I do believe that's one of the few mercenary terms I actually don't know."

"Full Call is basically when whoever is ruling Jehanna goes 'I need an army and I needed it yesterday'," Joshua answered. He finished off his pomegranate and set the plate on the table before going back to his tea. "All contracts are nullified, with some exceptions, and all mercenaries are technically employed by the crown. It's the Jehannan equivalent of drafting."

"I see." I frowned, seeing a potential problem immediately. "You'd have to balance quite a few things, calling that. I imagine the former employers would be mad and you'll lose quite a bit of gold."

"Yep. Wars are profitable. I imagine that's why Mother didn't order it. However, I think the danger makes the potential loss worth it. More to the point, I think calling it should emphasize the dangers that come."

"When the crown sounds the Full Call, find a place to hide and pray to all the gods," Gerik muttered, like he was repeating some sort of saying. He downed his tea, and I refilled his mug. "When was the last time one was called?"

"276 years ago," Joshua answered instantly. He smirked when Gerik gave him a dirty look. "It is a testament to my tutors that I remember all this after ten years of being a mercenary. But, regardless, do you mind if I leave the potential explanations to you and yours?"

"Of course not. Tethys has been fretting that you work too hard as is." Gerik smiled and, after a moment, Joshua smiled back. I knew he was grateful for all the fussing, though he'd never say it. It was nice to know you were loved and respected. "So, message out, Guild coded. If they're not within three days of Zada, they should head to Frelia?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." Joshua sighed and finished up his tea. He shook his head when I went to refill it, so instead, I just rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'm also ordering the evacuation of Southern Jehanna, and for them to remove any and all road signs along the way. We can't really stop Grado, but we can at least make it difficult for them to return."

"Hopefully, the Full Call will make them listen."

"Gods, I hope so too." A knock on the door startled all of us, both because of the sound and because no one else was 'scheduled' to meet with any of us for a few more hours. "Who the hell?"

"I'll get it," I volunteered, already moving. I opened up the door cautiously, just in case, and saw one of the servants, sadly one of the many I didn't know the name of, looking rather nervous. "Hello, do you need something?"

"There's a visitor for King Joshua," they explained quickly, sounding a little panicked for some reason. They pointed down the hall where a cloaked figure waited by a window. "Is he busy?"

"Well…" I glanced back at Gerik and Joshua. The two of them shared a look and nodded, both tensing up. If this was an assassin, they were fairly confident we could handle it. "No, it's fine." I stepped out briefly and waved for the cloaked figure to come inside. "Thank you. I'm sorry to cause trouble."

"It's fine, Lady Emma." The servant bowed and ran off, likely to return to whatever task.

I bit my tongue to keep from protesting the title, and simply opened the door further to let the visitor inside. They glanced at me curious as they passed, and I couldn't see their expression due to how the shadows of the hood fell over their face. However, without hesitation, they unbuckled the sword on their belt and handed it to me before stepping fully inside and bringing the hood down to reveal an older person than I expected. They were graying at the temples, for instance, and had noticeable lines on their face. There was some tiredness in their eyes, a weariness to the stoic expression they wore. I didn't recognize them. Not at all.

Gerik frowned and tensed up more, not recognizing them either, but Joshua stood straight up, like he'd been stabbed, and he simply stared at the person. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he finally managed to whisper, "Mordred? Mordred, is that you?"

"Hello, little prince," 'Mordred' replied. He smiled slowly, and the lines around his eyes and mouth deepened slightly. Smile lines. This was a person who normally smiled a lot, no matter how tired he seemed. "How the hell did you hide for ten years? You look almost exactly like your father."

"So I've heard. Carlyle thought he'd come back from the dead." Slowly, Joshua sat back down. Noticing him struggling to regain his calm, I went to his side and rested a hand on his shoulder to remind him that he wasn't alone. He smiled gratefully at me. "Well, you're not who I expected. Gerik, Emma, this is Mordred, one of the Knights of the Oasis."

"I know the name 'Gerik'." Mordred nodded to Gerik and Gerik cautiously nodded back. "The Desert Tiger, yes?"

"Yes," Gerik replied. Keeping his eyes on Mordred, he held out a hand towards me. I passed him the sword without hesitation, knowing that if this turned into a fight, it was far better for him to be armed. "You'll forgive the suspicions, I'm sure. Given what one of your fellows recently did."

"Of course," Mordred reassured, unbothered. He turned his attention to me, frowning slightly. "Emma… if I remember correctly, Lady Tabitha's youngest was named that. You look like her."

"So I've been told," I replied. I thought for a moment before deciding to go with a smile. Gerik would be far better at being the 'suspicious one' than me, and Joshua was still reeling a bit, so I figured I'd be the polite, keep-things-moving one. And perhaps be a tiny bit passive-aggressive. "So, what brings you here? I understand that you haven't so much as visited Zada in ten years?"

"Yes, well…" Mordred looked to Joshua, and Joshua had recovered enough to at least pretend to be totally calm. "First off, little prince… sorry, King Joshua, I'm sorry about Ismaire. I'm sorry one of my fellows betrayed her and you so completely."

"Carlyle's choices were his own," Joshua replied neutrally. He reached up to briefly squeeze the hand I had on his shoulder. "I appreciate the sympathy, though. But if you do not mind my asking for the 'second' thing? I am afraid I have quite a lot to do before I leave to fight again."

"You're your mother's child. She never left things half-done." Mordred sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, to be blunt, I'm here for probably very selfish reasons."

"If it's to be released from your oath, I will point out that the oath was nullified when my father died. You have no obligation to anyone but yourself."

"Technically, yes, but that's not what I meant." Mordred fell silent, clearly trying to pick his words. "My running away from the pain of losing Raphael, all of us running… it meant we weren't here when Ismaire needed us the most. It meant we weren't here when you needed support the most, as a child confused by all the sudden changes, leading you to run. That's a failing of the oath I swore, at least in my eyes. That's failing Raphael, because I, one of his knights, did not protect his two most precious people." He bowed then, and I got the impression that if we'd been in the throne room, he would've actually knelt. There just wasn't really enough room between where he was and Gerik's chair for him to kneel without some awkward shuffling about. "So, while I'm uncertain on swearing myself to you, I will swear myself to your cause. I, and all the other Knights of the Oasis, swear this."

"…All of the others?"

"We're all back in Zada, for the first time since Raphael's funeral. I'm just the one who volunteered to speak to you." He looked up and smiled slightly. "So, what do you need, King Joshua? I understand if you have difficulties trusting a Knight of the Oasis, but…"

"Meh, if you betray, I'll just kill you like I did Carlyle." Joshua shrugged, apparently unbothered. I knew he was holding back tears, though. I could see them. "You guys will also be watched by… oh, probably everyone. It would be a bad time to pull a betrayal. I'm pragmatic enough to know that I need the help, particularly since I will be marching to war."

"Then leave Jehanna's defense to us." Mordred straightened, his smile growing. "What is the current plan?"

"Well…"

"You were supposed to meet with L'arachel about easing relations between Jehanna and Rausten in a few hours," I gently reminded. Joshua's expression blanked briefly before he smiled apologetically. This was more immediately important, and he wanted to jump in on it now. "Okay, I'll let her know that it'll need to be moved to tomorrow due to unexpected reinforcements." I glanced at Gerik, a bit worried, but Gerik nodded, reassuring that he could handle things. "I will be back when it's time for your checkup, though. You're still badly injured."

"Thanks, petal," Joshua murmured. His smile grew and in it, I saw reassurance. He'd be fine. "Love you."

"Love you too, brother. I'll see you later."

In addition to the clothes, Joshua also offered to have our armor and weapons fixed and, after some checks, all of us took him up on said offer because our weapons and armor badly needed it. Especially our armor. Gareth, being Joshua's friend and favorite blacksmith, ended up with a lot of extra business, to the point that he actually had to pass a few on to others. All good fun, though Joshua had used the offer to hide that he had commissioned a brand new set of armor for me, one made of black and grey leather to be easier for me to move around in while providing more protection than my heavily banged up chest armor. I'd get him back for it later.

"I know I'm supposed to be helping you make sure everything fits, but I have to say that you cut a fine figure with that one," Eirika noted. We were in my room, since she actually wasn't busy for once, checking out my armor. And marveling at how professional I looked. "Jehannans know their leather."

"Clearly," I replied, staring at my reflection. I couldn't help it. I looked like someone who actually knew what she was doing, and that just startled me. "It's not even stiff."

"Lucky." She poked the armor a bit and messed with the buckles for me. "I'd say go through a couple of training session in it, but honestly I think it fits perfectly."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." I adjusted my gauntlets and smiled at my reflection, noting the difference between this one's design and my last one's. This new armor was based a lot off of Cormag's armor, but it also made sure to guard the upper arms and my stomach, exactly where I'd gotten two of my worst wounds. There wasn't much I could do with my legs, because I had to buckle myself in when riding Brynhildr, but this armor would keep me far safer than the one before. It was even reinforced to make sure it could stop, or blunt, animal bites. "You sure you don't want a set?"

"Considering I fight mostly on the frontlines, and I'm not as skilled at dodging as, say, Marisa, it's probably better that I keep the metal armor. But I am tempted, I must admit. Sorely tempted."

"If you're certain." I had to make myself stop fussing with the gauntlets. They'd finally been properly resized to fit me, but they'd also been touched up. Bits of leather that had worn away had been replaced, for instance, and the hand part, particularly the fingers, had been completely redone, to better suit my archery and lance. The compartments had also been fixed up, to be even more secure yet easier for me to open up. "I forgot to ask, but how is Joshua paying for all of this?"

"I actually did ask, and it turns out that he's not footing the bill. L'arachel is." She grinned when I gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, I know. I was surprised too. But it's apparently part of their grand master plan to improve relations between the countries."

"By having L'arachel spend a bunch of her uncle's money?" My first honest thought was that this was Joshua humoring L'arachel. But then I remembered the loss of profits from the Full Call. "Oh, wait, of course. Jehanna is low on money and food. This is high quality work, which is expensive as hell. Rausten paying for it means that Rausten is helping Jehanna in a way that they, in their pride, can accept."

"And the people are aware of that, so it might make them more amicable to Rausten in the future. Plus, the soldiers of Rausten have to interact with the Jehannans a lot, hopefully softening their opinion." Eirika laughed, nodding. "I was impressed when L'arachel explained it, even though we're both worried Joshua is overworking."

"He's been sleeping finally." I studied her face and, after a moment, poked her cheek. "You, however, look like you haven't. What's up? Nightmares?"

"No…" She shook her head, cheer falling so fast that I actually glanced at the ground to see if it had shattered on the floor. "No, it's silly. Nothing to worry about."

"That's only going to make me worry more." I started taking off the armor, now that we were certain it fit. "Come on. It's just us here, and it's the safety of my room, meaning that if someone comes barging it, it better be a pretty damn big emergency."

"True." She helped me with a couple of the buckles, eyes sad. "Oh, fine. I've been thinking on Lyon."

"Should I have grabbed him and made him stay?"

"No, I wouldn't want to force him. I just wish he had stayed anyway." She and I got the armor off, and I set it up in the corner to be properly put up later. "I'm relieved he's still the same. I'm glad his information proved true. But it just makes things more complicated for me."

"Because you're not only his friend. You love, or loved, him." I looked up at her, and saw her pointedly looking away. "You're not sure anymore. Seeing him again made you even more unsure on whether you love him or you love your memory of him, because everything is so different."

"That's a very good summary." She gave me a dirty look. "How do you figure it out so fast?"

"I know you, and we've talked about this previously." I smiled reassuring, leaning down and looking up to catch her eye. Just to make sure she saw it. "I do try to remember things. Just like you try to remember things."

"True…" She smiled back, but it was tired and bitter. "None of this is helped by… well..." She fidgeted a bit, embarrassed. "Okay, so, I'm finding Saleh attractive?"

"Saleh?" My first instinct was 'really?', but then I thought about it a bit and decided I could see the appeal. "Well, he's easy on the eyes for certain. Patient and quietly kind."

"He's also incredibly intelligent, always willing to teach, even more willing to learn. He and I talk a lot about history. Remind me to tell you about Nada Kuya. It's really a fascinating story."

"Of course." I thought a bit more, mentally noting Saleh's attractive qualities, but also realizing a bit of a pattern. "Oh. I think I get it now. He's like Lyon." At the least, based on what I'd been told, I saw a lot of similarities.

"Exactly!" She sat down on the bed, posture drooping. "So, I don't know if my confused head is trying to 'replace' or if I just have a type or if it's real or if it's fake or… or anything, really." She sighed heavily and flopped back on the bed, covering her face with her arms. "Then I feel horrible for getting so tied up over it because there's a thousand and one things to do, and we might be marching for Renais, it's still up in the air, but there's a chance and…"

"Eirika, remember to breathe." I sat down next to her and ran my hand through her hair reassuringly. "I'll admit. I'm in over my head when it comes to giving advice on something like that. I'll support you and listen, I'll help you piece it together, but I don't know how to help besides that."

"That's enough for now. Just having someone to listen is enough."

"For now."

"For now. And if it becomes 'not enough', I'll… find someone who can hopefully give advice?"

"Tethys might be the best choice. At least, for something that confusing. Besides, she knows Saleh." I continued running my hand through her hair. "Do you want me to give her a head's up?"

"Mmm… actually, yeah. Tell her I'm not looking for advice quite yet, but I might need it in the future."

"Of course." I was already piecing together what I needed to say in my head, but stopped when I realized how much time had passed. "Much as I'm sure you'd love hiding in my room, I do think you have a meeting soon? You were only on break."

"I do." She whimpered and turned onto her side, like she was ready to just curl up and go to sleep. "Ugh… I'm so tired."

"I know. But the sooner you're done, the sooner you can enjoy a very long nap without having to time it."

"True." Reluctantly, she pushed herself up and rested her head on my shoulder. "Thirty more seconds to regain my calm."

"Of course." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "I'm here for you, Eirika. Always."

"Thank you. I'm here for you too, okay? Always." She looked up at me. "Speaking of which…"

"I've been worrying over so many things I haven't thought about it." I grimaced and she smiled, understanding. "I'll get on that, promise. We'll see if I get all confused. But, here, I'll walk you to your meeting. Who's it with?"

"Tana and L'arachel."

"Then I'll definitely walk you there. Up and at 'em."

"Meh… fine, here we go."

After getting Eirika to the meeting, and making sure they were set up with plenty of tea and snacks, I decided to take a little walk to simply move around a little bit. While I walked, I decided to just immediately keep my promise and, thus, thought about my feelings for Ephraim, but just as always, I hit the same wall. Being with him meant accepting the possibility of being queen. I didn't want to be queen. I liked my quiet. But then I thought of what Natasha suggested. Not necessarily what I wanted, so much as could I be happy. But as I thought about it, guilt flooded me, almost drowning me. After all, what right did I have to be happy? Mary and Jacob and the others didn't get to be happy. My parents lost their happiness quickly. Monica died with all her dreams unreached. Orson went mad, and I couldn't save him. I killed people and inflicted pain to thousands. I didn't…

But, at the same time, even as I thought all that, I knew that it wasn't quite true. Yes, I did do all those things, yet I also knew that...

"Either there's something very wrong outside the window there or you're thinking some bad thoughts, lass." Gerik's quiet observation nearly made me yelp and I whirled to see him standing a short distance away. "So, which is it?" he asked. I wasn't sure why. His expression and tone screamed that he knew the answer anyway. I wondered how long he'd been watching me. "Something wrong or bad thoughts?"

"Um…" I began, not quite sure what to say. After all, until I looked around, I wasn't even aware that I'd been by a window in the first place. "Well…"

"Second then. Thought so." He joined me by the window, looking out. This window had a view of the city, blocked a bit by some buildings. "Definitely the second. The only thing odd outside is how peaceful everything is."

"I suppose." I looked out the window too and saw how quiet it all looked. But it didn't feel like a quiet before the storm. It just… felt like quiet contentment, like Rosewatch or Caer Pelyn. "Um..."

"You want to talk about it, lass? I can also take you to Tethys if you'd prefer talking to her. I think Natasha is dealing with a patient, but if you need a healer's opinion, Moulder's free."

"Mmm…" I debated for a moment before shaking my head. "Actually, I think you might be the one with a possible answer."

"What's the question?"

"How do you convince yourself that you deserve happiness?"

"Ah, so you do have that part of survivor's guilt." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him and closed my eyes. I knew he'd understand. "I wasn't sure, since you manage to laugh. I always found it hard to laugh when I was at my worst."

"Laughing has made me feel like I'm 'winning', but I don't know against what."

"Life. All this chaos. Your own depression. Any or all." He sighed and patted my shoulder. "Now, lass, I will admit everyone is different and even when you have a technique, some days, you just have to fake it or take that leap of faith. With that said, considering how you are, my trick might help you."

"What was it?"

"Logic. You can admit that the people you love deserve happiness, right?"

"Of course. Always."

"Now, aren't they happy when you're happy?"

"I… yes?" It took a second to piece it together. "Oh. I deserve happiness because my friends deserve it, and they are happy when I am happy. Or, they believe I deserve it, and I love them, so I believe in them."

"Yeah, that's how I got through the worst of it. And after a while, it became simply 'I deserve to be happy'. Some days, I relapse. You always do, no matter how much you heal. Those days, I remind myself that I'm surrounded by people who want to see me happy, and I'm able to push through it."

"I see." I nodded, opening my eyes. Thinking like that, I could make it pass that stumbling block in my head. Maybe. I'd have to think about it, just a little more. But I had the tools I needed, at least to help me climb past that wall. At least, I felt like I had one more tool, and that it might be enough. "Thanks, Gerik."

"Of course." He let go of me and ruffled my hair. "Now, of course, such introspection means you should have a bit of fun first. We're sneaking Joshua out to a tavern. Why don't you come along?"

"Sure, sounds good." I grinned, feeling a lot better already. I'd come up with my answer later, in a couple of days, when my mind was a little steadier. For now, fun and hilarity awaited. "Let's go!"

It took a few more days, but it was eventually decided that, based off the number of mercenaries Jehanna could already field (with the promise of more arriving in Frelia), the remaining Knights of the Oasis handling Jehanna's defenses, the number Rausten soldiers, and the continued lack of Grado soldiers in Renais, we would actually march into Renais and attempt to liberate Ivroria. Which resulted in a lot of running around for extra supplies, a lot of extra training sessions, and discussions for the best route and marching pattern.

"Scale of one to ten, how scared do you think the Renaisi are going to be with two more wyverns flying about and how confused are they going to be when they realize we're helping them?" Cormag asked with a bit of a laugh. He and I had just finished some flying practice, mostly to make sure my new armor would work out in a combat situation. It did, marvelously. "Well, I'm assuming there's some wyverns in Ivroria. Even when on skeletal guard, there are wyverns to scout."

"I imagine the same reaction that everyone else has," I replied, petting Brynhildr's side. We were lounging in the outer courtyard with our wyverns, with Brynhildr and Genarog dozing behind us as backrests. "Please don't eat me, oh wait, they're allies, yay, please don't eat me." I grinned with Cormag laughed outright. "I don't know if the reaction will be worse or better with Renais compared to, say, Jehanna. It all depends on what all happened." My eyes darkened as I remembered something. "That said, Valter was part of the initial assault. I think he chased fairly quickly after Seth and Eirika, though."

"I hope so. Otherwise, there might not be much of Ivroria to save." He glanced at me, growing serious. "How are you?"

"That's out of nowhere."

"Not really. I've been told about Orson, and I know he's there."

"Oh. That's what you meant."

"Yeah." He crossed his arms and leaned a little more into Genarog. Genarog sleepily crooned and shifted his wing over Cormag. "He's your brother, right?"

"Brother by marriage, technically. He and I share no blood. He was married to my older sister, Monica." I closed my eyes, trying to fight off that pain. "I'm surprised it came up. I was under the impression that no one really talked about it unless they had to. Then again, perhaps they're just quiet on the subject when I'm around."

"You, Seth, Forde, Kyle, Prince Ephraim, and Princess Eirika. Garcia was the one who told me, but he'd hush up whenever one of you passed near."

"That's kind of everyone." I opened my eyes again, and then looked up at the cloudless sky not quite showing the signs of dusk yet. It would soon, though. "Orson lost his parents when he was young. Officially, he lived with Elder David, like most orphans, but unofficially, he lived with us. Dad took him in, you see. I wasn't even a year old when it happened, so from my perspective, he was always there and always family. Of course, he was around less when he became a knight, but he wrote daily letters. One to me and one to Monica, and both would have little gifts. Trinkets, dried flowers… something he thought we'd enjoy. It was enough to make me smile, even when I was at my lowest point."

"But then your sister died."

"But then my sister died, and someone decided to degrade her and turn her into a damn carrot dangling on the edge of a stick for Orson to betray everything. And he, the idiot, went for it." I spoke the words slowly, each one more bitter than the last. I couldn't decide who I was angry at more. I knew who I hurt more over, but I couldn't decide if I was angrier at the tempter or at Orson. Or at myself. "And now he's in Ivroria, letting the very country he swore to protect fall into anarchy and chaos for whatever doll he's pretending is Monica."

"A lovely telling, but none of it really answers my question of how you are doing."

"Right…" I sighed, leaning more against Brynhildr. She cracked an eye open and shifted around to lick my cheek before settling back down. "The answer is 'I have no damn clue'. Which rather summarizes my approach to most of this. I'll have plenty of time to think on it, though."

"You will." Cormag fell silent for a brief moment, trying to pick his words carefully. "If you need a flight to clear your head, feel free to ask. I know no one will allow a solo flight."

"…Thanks, Cormag." I smiled, touched, and playfully nudged his side. He simply smiled back. "I appreciate it." I was also rather embarrassed by it, but thankfully, there was a very easy out before things got awkward. "We should probably get inside."

"We should. I just wanted to let you know." He stood up and offered me his hand. I took it without hesitation. "Now, to wake the two sleepers. This'll be fun."

Amusingly, Genarog apparently really disliked being woken from naps, as it took quite a few tries to even get him to consider getting up. A couple of times he pinned Cormag and me with his wings as if to say 'stop working and just take a nap with me'. Brynhildr was a bit easier, but when she saw how much trouble we were having with Genarog, she went straight back to dozing instead of helping. The result was a lot of laughter, a lot of fond exasperation, and the sun actually setting by the time we actually did manage to make it inside to go do whatever.

I decided, after a quick bath and a change of clothes into something less practical but oh-so-pretty, to walk through the castle gardens. On the way, though, I ran into someone I'd assumed would be busy. "Ephraim?" I called. He stopped walking and turned to face me, waiting for me to catch up. "Are you on break?"

"Actually, I'm surprisingly done for the day," he replied, smiling. His smile grew when I gave him a skeptical look. "By healer's orders. Moulder and Natasha decided that we were all working too much and gave us an ultimatum. Rest for the day, or be confined to the infirmary for observation."

"Ha!" I had to grin at that, mostly because it was so easy to see. "Well, in that case, would you like to walk the gardens with me? They're quite calming, or so I think."

"I… sure!" He grinned back, looking rather lively. "I haven't actually gotten to visit the gardens here."

"In that case, follow me." I led the way down the hall and he fell in-step with me easily. "Have you all determined when we leave?"

"Innes wants to wait for one more report from his spies, just in case, but that should only be a day or two. So, we'll likely leave in three days."

"Three days, huh?" I sighed mournfully and looked down at my clothes. "I'll only be able to wear these for three more days. That's rather sad."

"You can wear them more."

"I can't wear these with my armor."

"No, I meant in Renais. When we free it."

"When, huh?" I smirked at him, debating whether to poke fun. I decided against it. It was far too easy to mock him for that boast, and there was no reason to run a joke into the ground. "Well, I'll consider packing some if I have room."

"You should. They look nice on you."

"Jehannan clothing must really suit me considering the number of compliments I've gotten." I laughed a bit, amused, and turned the corner to enter the gardens. "Here we are."

"Oh, wow…" Ephraim's eyes widened as we walked through, his head turning this way and that. "I'm not quite sure what I expected, but…" He smiled, eyes settling on the pond in the center. "Is that how they water the plants?"

"They irrigate as well, taking water from the Vrep, though the garden is also designed to drain water easily and to collect the rainwater for future use." Thanks to the recent rain, the flowers were especially vibrant. I particularly loved the chrysanthemums, but the poppies were also lovely. "The flowers floating in the water are lotuses, by the way."

"That was going to be my next question." His gaze went to the trees along the edges of the gardens. "I don't think I've seen a castle garden with trees before."

"It's for shade, and to have a ready supply of fruit. You've pomegranate, peach, dates, figs…"

"How do you know all of them?"

"Joshua. He used to pick fruit with his parents." I shrugged and started walking around the pond. He followed, and nearly fell face first into the water. "Careful, the ground is soft."

"I noticed!" He scowled, but it softened when I laughed. "Well, come on! Show off your knowledge some more."

"It isn't that much."

"It's more than me. Please?"

I debated it a while longer before I told him a bit more about the garden, and the other gardens attached to the castle, like the vegetable and herbal. Renais's castle relied on the farmlands for such things, so the concept was likely a little foreign to him, but that just it more fascinating for him. He listened closely, eyes sparkling, and it was all just strangely adorable. I found myself relaxing and laughing without even thinking about it, a 'quiet contentment' settling over me, and as we continued talking, I found myself thinking again of my 'romance problem'.

'Can you be happy?', Natasha had asked. So, I asked that of myself. 'Can I be happy?' It was a bit of a struggle, but with the trick Gerik taught me, I was able to find an answer. Surprisingly, the answer was 'probably'. I didn't want to be queen, but if I was, I could still 'probably' be happy. At the least, I knew that even though I did want quiet, I would not be miserable. It wasn't the most concrete of answers, of course, but that didn't matter. It was another leap of faith. I took a leap and dropped from a flying wyvern onto a mountain. Taking a chance here? Not scary in the slightest.

"Say, Ephraim?" I began once I had my answer. I stopped walking and waited for him to face me. He was smiling. The wind caught my hair, so I brushed it behind my ear. "I love you."

"You… wait, huh?" Ephraim replied. His expression completely blanked for a split second before he began blushing. Badly. "Huh?"

"I love you." I shrugged, appearing nonchalant. While I was a touch nervous, I was more amused by his reaction, but I didn't want him to see either. "It's a fairly straightforward sentence, really."

"But that's… you…" He stammered and sputtered a couple more times, gesturing as he apparently attempted and failed to string together a coherent sentence. "I… wait… that's…"

"Wow, I don't think I've seen you taken so off-guard before."

"W-well, I don't exactly have people confessing to me every day! Particularly…" He looked away, red all the way up to the tips of his ears now. "I mean…"

"You know; traditionally speaking, there's three options for responding to a confession of love." I leaned forward slightly, clasping my hands behind my back, and somehow, his face went even redder. "So, what's troubling you? If you're worried about letting me down gently, just be bluntly honest. I won't mind."

"That's not it!" He faced me again, eyes almost painfully sincere. "That's the farthest thing from it, actually!"

"So, do you love me?"

"I've been in love with you since we met!" He blurted out the words, and I knew my own expression blanked at that. The logical part wanted to call 'bullshit', but again, his eyes were so sincere that it almost hurt. "And I've… attempted… flirting, but gods, I have no idea how, so I just seized any excuse to be near and I've just been falling harder ever since!"

"You… you have?" Now my own face was going red, and I looked down in a vain attempt to hide it. "Wait, didn't I yell at you when we first met? And threaten you?"

"I love your honesty. I love how fiercely you protect your own." He hesitated before resting his hands on my shoulders. They were warm. "Even when you were annoyed, you still warned me to be safe. Even when you were reeling from Orson's betrayal, you desperately shouted to not only save my life, but beg me to get Eirika safely away. Even though you were hurting so much, you refused to simply go along with Orson, tearing apart his argument, and doing what you could to try and save him from his own madness."

"That's… um…"

"You throw barbs and poke at my ego, yes, but it's rarely to be simply mean. It's just that honesty of yours, urging me to improve. You never abandon anyone, not even those you don't quite get along with." There was a bit of a laugh to his voice. "You're also incredibly beautiful, by the way. I should probably mention that in this ramble."

"Um…" I couldn't look up. I was blushing so badly that I thought I was sunburned again. "That's…"

"You went on a dangerous, ill-advised mission to help Eirika and kept her safe. When you knew there was danger back at Frelia, your first thought was to warn all of us, even though you were covered in blood. You braved arrows and magic time and again to rescue civilians during the siege. You used yourself as bait to help take out the greatest threat to their safety. And after that, even though I wasn't your favorite person, you forewent immediate medical treatment to help me. Just because you thought I was in danger."

"You… mentioned something about love then, now that I'm remembering."

"I did. I was being completely honest then. But it was a bit of a clichéd line." He squeezed my shoulders. "And after that… like I said, I've just been falling harder the more I've gotten to know you. I love you."

"That… um…" I still couldn't look up. "That was a much longer answer than I expected, truthfully. And I hope you're not expecting my version of why I fell for you because I can guarantee you, I am way too embarrassed to say that."

"It would be fair play, you know."

"Well, if you're very good, then perhaps I'll tell you later." I did finally muster up the resolve to look up and smile at him. He was already smiling, still blushing madly, but his eyes warm with affection. "But, for now, may I kiss you?"

"Pardon?"

"You. Kiss. May I?" I grinned as his blush darkened and he looked away in embarrassment. "Do you need me to walk you through the steps?"

"You're enjoying teasing me."

"Very." I laughed and reached up to cup his face, turning it back towards me. His cheeks were warm. "But I would enjoy kissing you more, I'm sure. May I?"

"Ah… sure." He smiled back shyly and leaned forward just a little bit. Strangely uncertain, given it was him, but I found it endearing. "I'd… like that too."

That first kiss was a bit clumsy. Bumping noses and accidentally clacking our teeth, among other things. He was embarrassed, but I just laughed and kissed him again. Because no matter how clumsy it was, that kiss was still the sweetest, and it was perfectly sincere. And it was him, and I wanted to kiss him.

A little part of me screamed. 'You don't deserve this', it wailed. 'You who survived… you don't deserve any of this!' But the happiness in his eyes made it easy to ignore, because Gerik was right. I might not believe I deserve it, but my friends, my loved ones… they believed it. And I believed in them. So, I'd grasp my happiness with both hands, and cling to it with everything I had, especially given the coming days. Liberating Renais would be emotional for many of us, myself included.

But we'd get through this, and I'd find my happiness. I was sure of it.

Author's note: Well, isn't this a relatively lighthearted chapter? Sort of. Yeah, Ephraim's been in love with Emma since basically the siege in Frelia. Yay?

Now, in-game, post-Scorched Sand didn't have to worry as much about Jehanna's defenses, since Grado was crippled due to Ephraim's actions. However, since Grado still remains a threat, I figured it needed to be brought up and addressed. 'Mordred' is a character from Arthurian Legend, the son of King Arthur who betrayed and led to his death. This Mordred isn't going to betray Joshua, though. I just went with the name for hilarity's sake.

Next Chapter – Ruled by Madness