A/N: I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED RECENTLY! I so wanted to sooner, but the keyboard on my laptop has quit, leaving me to use an external keyboard. It isn't so bad at home, but taking both my laptop and the keyboard to the library would be too much to carry, and there's been a lot of family time lately, so I just haven't had the chance to get online to update. THE UPSIDE: I have two chapters for you this weekend! :D

Also, to HarrylovesGinny09, I'm so sorry I couldn't update on your birthday! I really wanted to, but my sister had been in town and my sleep schedule was all screwed up :(. I hope these chapters make up for it though!

Chapter 25

When I Fall Asleep I Feel You With Me

Aria yawned as she stared out the window of her and Ezra's apartment, into the small backyard area. She was desperately hoping that wherever they lived when they moved to New York would have a window seat like her old bedroom and his old apartment had each had. There simply wasn't anything exciting about staring out the window to think if she had to stand to do it.

"Reinventing the wheel?"

Aria looked over her shoulder at Ezra and smiled. "No. Trying to figure out how they make the chocolate coating to M&M's."

Ezra chuckled before turning his attention back to his laptop. He was still diligently working on the story that he'd started well over a month ago, and still had yet to show her even a single sentence. Aria was beginning to wonder if the work he claimed to be doing was just a blank page, like that episode of the Golden Girls with Blanche and her notebooks.

"A watched pot never boils, babe," he said as his fingers moved across the keyboard.

Aria looked back at him once more. "Hmm?"

Ezra exhaled a sigh, clicking on his touch pad a few times before he looked up at her again. "I mean that you've been on edge ever since Adriana told you she got her transfer letter from NYU. There's no use worrying about this when it's not going to get you anywhere. Either you got in or you didn't, but you're not going to know until that letter shows up in the mail, and it's not going to just because you stare outside and will it to."

Arai sighed and her shoulders dropped, frustrated. "I just want to know if I should be looking for places closer to home already," she replied. "I mean we're so set on going to New York next year. I hadn't really considered until recently what would happen if I didn't get in."

Ezra stood and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head, staring out the window with her. "If that were to happen, and that's a very small if, then we would cross that bridge when we came to it. Whether you wanted to stay in Rosewood or go to New York and work…Whatever it is you want to do if that happens, we'll find a way to make it work."

Aria shook her head, unable to shake the pout that had settled over her face. "I don't want to stay in Rosewood. Why was I dumb enough to put all my hope to get into one school?"

"Everyone has a choice school. You're not wrong for wanting things a certain way. And you applied to Berkeley as a safety, right?" He asked.

Aria huffed. "Yeah, but it's not-"

"I know." Ezra kissed the top of her head once more, resting his head there for a moment as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo. "Forget about school for now. Your birthday is in a few weeks. Have you thought about what you want to do?"

Aria turned, looking up at Ezra. "There's not really anything special about it. My whole focus is going to be on studying for finals. Unless I don't get into NYU. Then I'll probably be too depressed to do anything but sulk."

Ezra chuckled, tightening his arms around her. "You're not going to spend your birthday depressed. You will get into NYU, and we'll all be happy in New York."

"You have so much faith," Aria murmured, resting her head against his shoulder. "Share it, please."

Ezra laughed. "You'll find it somewhere." He loosened his grip around her, turning her around to face him completely. "Go do something fun. Have dinner with your friends, go shopping…You're not going to get cheerful by staring out the window and trying to will a letter to come in the mail."

Aria chewed her bottom lip for a moment before nodding. "I need to buy a present for Spencer's birthday anyway. I'll call Hanna and Adriana and see if they're interested in a trip to Philadelphia."

"Bring me back a cheese steak," Ezra teased as she headed towards the bedroom.

.,.
We all learn to make mistakes and run from them
From them, with no direction
.,.

Aria carded her fingers through her hair as she walked through H&M, determined to find something that Spencer would like. There was always a toss-up on who was harder to shop for – or Hanna – but for the moment, it seemed to be coming up that Spencer was. She had no idea what Spencer could possibly want that she didn't already have. It made Aria feel even worse that she couldn't come up with anything that she could do on her own.

"Any luck finding something for the girl who has everything?"

Aria looked up as Adriana walked around her, looking at the rack of clothing in front of them. Aria shrugged, pushing aside a sweater she'd been eyeing.

"Not really. And I don't really know that there's a way for me to get my hands on a Princeton acceptance letter, so that doesn't really help."

Adriana nodded, pulling a pair of jeans off the next rack over. She held them up against her body and then checked the price tag. "What'd you guys get each other for Christmas?"

"She got me a cardigan with skulls on it, and I got her a book in Latin. I saved up for it for weeks." Aria exhaled in a frustrated manner, looking around the store – or at least the part of the store she could see.

"Well what if you don't get her something that costs money," Adriana offered. "I mean you guys are about to separate and head off to college in different states. What if you did something she could take with her. Like a collage or something?"

Aria chewed her lip, considering the option. She supposed she could write something like a poem, or find something similar online, and make a collage to surround it. "But you don't think that wouldn't be cheating? I mean I've done that a lot lately."

"In my experience, people like something that is from the heart more than they do knowing you spent money on something. There's more value in words or something you did with your hands than there is in spending twenty dollars on a book." Adriana replied. "Besides, wasn't one of your favourite gifts last year the scrap book you got?"

Aria nodded affirmatively as she pulled a cardigan off one of the racks and looked at it for a few moments. That scrapbook had definitely touched her heart a bit more than anything else she had received as a gift since Alison's death. Regardless of the fact that her memory of Alison was a mix of love and hate, she still had been one of her best friends, and Aria still loved and missed her.

"So I guess I'll make Spencer something," she said as she placed the sweater back on the rack. "Now that that's solved…how's married life?"

Adriana shrugged, grabbing a t-shirt off of another rack as they made their way further into the section of clothing they were looking at. Aria found an empty bench and sat down on it while Adriana continued to look through clothes.

"Hardy is already talking with a lawyer about Valerie," Adriana told her.

Aria's brow furrowed. "Moving day is almost two months away."

Adriana nodded, casting a glance over at her before she grabbed a t-shirt and looked it over. "He wants to be absolutely sure that Valerie can move in as soon as we move, and unless his parents sign over custody, he actually has to fight and have proof and all of that good stuff."

"Do you think they ever would actually just do that?" Aria asked. "Sign over custody, I mean."

Adriana shrugged again, holding a shirt up and looking at it. "I mean anything's possible. Considering they seem to see their kids as a nuisance more than anything else, it wouldn't surprise me. But who knows." She glanced down at Aria with a haughty expression. "They could suddenly grow hearts."

Aria shook her head, sickened by the idea. She knew that it was nowhere near the same thing, but she could sympathize with Valerie in her current situation, given all that she'd been through in the past year with Byron. "I wouldn't hold my breath."

Adriana snorted derisively. "Trust me. I'm not."

They continued to shop for a while, eventually making their way out of H&M and into another boutique. Aria continued to simply browse while it seemed Adriana was set on getting an entirely new wardrobe.

"Are you going to prom this year?" Adriana asked as she picked up a pair of black wedges from the small section of shoes in the store.

Aria looked up at her, considering the question for moment. "I hadn't really thought about it. I mean I kind of wasn't really planning to because Ezra would have to sneak in, and even at that…it feels like it would be such a chore. Besides, we had a good time at the gala earlier this year. I think that counts kind of like prom."

Adriana gaped at her. "You can't not go to prom, Aria. Especially your senior prom. That's such a rite of passage."

Aria groaned, dropping her head back against her shoulders. "But it's such a feat just to even get over all the obstacles to actually get to prom. It doesn't feel worth it to me to jump over all those hurdles just so I can dance in uncomfortable shoes for a few hours."

"But there's the pre-prom parties, and the post-prom parties…" Adriana said, practically salivating at the words. "You have to go. If you don't go, I'm stealing your school ID and going in your place. We look enough alike."

Aria chuckled, shaking her head. "How are you going to get Hardy in?"

"The same way you'll get Ezra in," Adriana replied. "Make 'em watch this hand instead of this one," she said as she gestured being sneaky with her hands.

Aria laughed, shaking her head. "Even if I did want to go, there's so much going on next month. There's my birthday, yours, graduation, finals… I feel like prom is crammed in there so tightly, there won't be any room to breathe until June."

"Nonsense," Adriana disagreed. "Just work out a study schedule for yourself starting like…now, and you won't be so swamped when it gets here. Also, I read this tip that if you chew gum while studying and then chew the same flavour during the test, it helps you remember. Just an idea."

"You're so crazy," Aria giggled. "Somehow I don't know how we ever became friends."

Adriana shrugged off the comment like water. "I made you love me."

.,.
Heartbeat, don't beat too loud; it might just break you
Follow you, follow you, it follows you
.,.

Aria sighed as she pushed her computer aside, frustrated. She'd been trying to write for more than an hour, but everything she came up with, she didn't like.

Ezra looked up from his own laptop, over at her. "What's up?"

Aria shook her head, swinging her legs over the bed to stretch. "At the moment? Nothing. I don't have any words to give at the moment."

"Maybe you're distracted," he replied.

Aria raised an eyebrow. "By what?"

"Well this week is kind of symbolic," Ezra replied.

Aria's forehead crinkled in confusion. She picked her phone up from beside her and checked the date. She continued thinking about it for a moment. "I'm lost. What should I be remembering?"

Ezra stared at her with a slightly surprised expression. "We told your parents about us this week last year."

Aria's eyes widened. Even as it hit her that it had been a year since they had gone public with their relationship, the events of those few weeks felt as though they had only happened a few days earlier. She remembered all the conversations, and the tears, and how much it hurt every time her parents made her feel like she meant nothing.

After several long moments, she looked back up at Ezra. "I can't believe I didn't realize that."

"A lot has changed in a year," Ezra replied as he sunk down onto the bed.

Aria nodded. "I can't believe it's been so long since it all happened, though. There were times when I honestly hated my life in the middle of all of that, because it sucked."

"I guess that's proof that life doesn't always stay the same," Ezra replied. "Being happy or unhappy can always change."

Aria curled her fist around his t-shirt and pulled him down on the bed next to her, laying down in the middle. "Promise me that we'll stay this happy, at least for a little while."

Ezra pressed his lips to her forehead, chuckling. "Well we've just come through the storm of the century with Hardy and Dre, and there's graduation and moving to look forward to. I think you're going to be happy for a while."

"If I get into NYU," Aria murmured softly, sighing quietly.

"Have a little faith," Ezra reminded her. "Just trust that everything is going to fall into place like it's supposed to, and it will. There's nothing you can do about what's already happened."

"Really? Because I was watching TV this morning, and I saw this TV show where this family had all these magical powers and the husband could rewind time-"

Ezra laughed. "I've seen that show. He loses that power."

Aria sighed again. "Damn."

Ezra continued to rub his fingers up and down her back as they laid there. He had become well versed in her college fears when he had applied to schools years earlier, and even more recently when Adriana had applied. He knew well enough to know that regardless of anything he said, she was still going to worry until the day that the letter showed up. And even after that, he was sure she'd find something else to panic about.

"Are you gonna fall asleep?" He asked after a while when she hadn't said anything.

Aria giggled, shaking her head as he lifted her head up off his chest. "No. Just laying here thinking about the future and silently panicking."

Ezra shook his head at her as she finally looked up at him. "I promise you all the things you're scared about, aren't going to be as terrifying as they feel. You'll only be two hours away from home, and you won't be alone. I'm sure you'll see your mom and your brother more than you think."

Aria pouted, snuggling closer to him. "When did we get so old?"

Ezra laughed, rubbing her back again. "Apparently right this second."

.,.
It feels like the first time
It feels like the very first time
.,.

Aria closed her notebook lazily as other students rose around her, heading for the door to go home. For as much as she wasn't enjoying school lately, she was feeling even more lethargic about it than usual. She knew that majority of why she felt that way was because of the stress of final exams coming up, and then graduation. There as no help at all coming from the fact that she still hadn't finished the poem she was trying to write for Spencer's birthday.

"Is something wrong with you?"

She looked up from her desk to see her mother standing in the doorway. Aria shrugged, moving out of her seat and stuffing her things into her book bag. "No…I've just been really distracted lately."

"By what?" Ella asked as she waited for Aria to reach the front of the room.

Aria shrugged, hiking her bag further up her shoulder. "A lot of stuff. School ending, graduation, finals…" She sighed as she reached the end of the aisle of desk, and leaned back against the one at the front of the row. "I'm afraid of not being happy when it's all said and done."

Ella stared at her for a long moment. "When all of what is said and done, exactly?" She questioned.

"All of it," Aria explained. "Graduating, moving…what if I don't get into NYU? Or worse, I do, and I hate it? Em, Hanna, and Spencer aren't going to be there to convince me to stick it out. And you'll be here."

A smile crossed Ella's face as she walked over to where Aria was standing. She wrapped an arm around her daughter, brushing her hand up and down Aria's arm. "It's okay to be gun shy, kiddo. To be entirely honest, I don't think you're going to hate it as much as you think you are. And there's no reason why you can't come back home every now and then."

"I just feel so dumb being scared by it," Aria admitted as she looked back up at her mother. "I mean I've been dreaming about this for so long, and now it's here, and I feel like I'm diving head first into something I'm not really ready for."

Ella chuckled. "You are. I know you are. You're just crumbling a little under the pressure. I have faith that soon enough you'll decide to just go with the flow and forget about everything else."

Aria rolled her eyes, laughing a little, though it was haughty. "Can it happen sooner?"

"For your sanity, I hope it happens very fast," Ella said, though Aria could hear the slightest sound of amusement in her voice. She exhaled a long breath and brought a hand up to her face, covering her eyes for a moment, as if she was weary from the weight of the world on her shoulders.

It was silent for a few moments longer, and then Aria lifted her head up as she was sure she heard Ezra's voice. Confusion washed over her; why in the world would Ezra be at the high school?

Before she could move to walk out of the room though, he was standing in the doorway. He paused there for a moment, seeming to pause to catch his breath, before he spoke.

"I tried your cell three times when you didn't come home." He commented.

Aria nodded. "I stayed after to help Spencer with ideas for the expo. Is something wrong?"

Ezra looked to Ella, and then back at Aria. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out an envelope. "This came in the mail today."

Aria gulped, looking down at the thin envelope in his hand. "Is that what I think it is?"

Ezra nodded silently.

"It's thin," she commented as she stared at it for several long moments. "Thin usually means-"

"Thin doesn't always mean rejection," Ella said, cutting her off.

Aria's hands began to shake at her sides as she stared at the envelope once more. Suddenly she felt like she was in a staring contest against it, trying to be the object that survived longer.

"I can't open it," she said after a few long minutes. "One of you do it."

Ezra looked at Ella, moving his hand just a few inches, but in a manner that offered the envelope to her. Ella didn't move though, leaving the duty to fall on his shoulders. Ezra looked down at the envelope, and all at once, he could feel Aria's nerves getting to him. With shaking hands, he turned the envelope over and tore through the seal before pulling out the papers inside. He unfolded them and found the top page before his eyes quickly began scanning the opening sentences. His lips moved but made no sound as he read.

After a few moments of watching him read, Aria lost her patience. "So? What does it say?"

Ezra looked up at her. "How set were you again on moving to New York?" He asked.

Aria glared at him in a way that she never had before, and Ezra nearly balked at the sight of it.

"You got in," he said quickly. "From what I read, they're offering a partial scholarship. All you have to do is accept it."

For ninety long seconds, nobody moved or said anything. Ella and Ezra stood in silence, waiting for Aria to react, while the younger woman seemed to soak in what she was being told. When the weight of it all finally seemed to hit her, a grin broke out across her face. She moved away from Ella, but only far enough that she could do a variation of a victory dance, laughing and squealing as she repeatedly pumped her fist in the air in excitement. She had gotten what she wanted, and she was going to the college she had dreamed about attending for years. Even in the mess of everything that had happened in the past year, she was still getting her dream. And as if it was meant to be, the knowledge of that allowed most of the weight she'd been carrying around on her shoulders to simply float away, because things were falling into place after all.

.,.
This distance cant distant my heart from yours tonight
But I'm wide awake now and I'm holding your picture
.,.

Aria brushed a hand through her hair as she stared at herself through the window of the grill. She was still waiting for the other girls to show up, but she knew she'd been early. Most of the reason she'd left home so early was because she was too full of energy to sit at home.

"I really hope your gift doesn't top mine."

Aria turned her head to see Toby walking up carrying a wrapped box. She chuckled.

"Mine is home-made, but it's also for Hanna and Emily too, so…" She shrugged. "Besides, you're the boyfriend. I'm sure whatever you made is bound to be better."

"I'm just sorry we couldn't have a real birthday party for her," he replied.

Aria laughed. "I don't really think she would let us cut into her study time with finals coming up in just a few weeks."

"No, I wouldn't."

Aria and Toby both looked up to see Spencer walking up, quickly followed by Hanna and Emily. Their cars were parked further down the street. They all greeted each other with hugs before heading into the grill. They walked over to one of the tables. Aria, Hanna, and Emily sat on one side while Spencer and Toby sat on the other side.

"Please say you're doing the expo again this year," Spencer begged Aria. "I swear half the student body hates me because they are refusing to fill up the time slots."

Aria chuckled. "I'm sure you'll find some people. And what could I really do? I feel like I would just make people bored. No one likes me, remember?"

"People like you," Hanna said, disagreeing. "I don't know how many girls I've seen say they have mounds of respect for you for what you did last year."

Aria raised an eyebrow at her. "Seriously?"

Her three girl friends nodded, which only served to shock her that much more.

"Didn't you and that Holden kid once do something for the talent show in middle school?" Toby asked.

Aria nodded, if not a bit reluctantly. "Uh, yeah. But he's kind of dating my brother right now so…"

"Mike is dating a guy?" The question, or a variation of it, came from each of her friends as she sat there. For a moment, it occurred to her that maybe she shouldn't have said anything, but Toby was quick to cut in.

"I saw them at that new coffee shop the other day together. The one your mom's boyfriend owns." He said. "I don't think it's any kind of secret."

"I'll talk to him," Aria said dismissively to Spencer after a long moment. "I make no promises, though. Besides, I thought we were here to celebrate the fact that you're officially old enough to drink in Europe."

Spencer grinned, shaking her head. "No, we're here to celebrate the fact that I got into Princeton."

Aria's eyes widened and she noticed in her peripheral vision that her friends had the same expressions. "That's amazing, Spence!"

Spencer smiled happily, accepting the fresh round of hugs from her friends. "My parents are pretty excited too. They want to throw a party, but I managed to talk them down to a dinner party next weekend. You guys better come so I don't have to spend the whole night talking to fifty year-olds about why they're called the Ivy-leagues."

"I can't," Hanna said with a frown. "I agreed to let my parents take me to a college tour in Pittsburgh."

"Aren't you planning to go to UCLA with Caleb?" Spencer asked.

Hanna nodded. Before she could answer though, a waiter finally walked up and gave them glasses of water before taking their orders. Once he'd walked away, the girls turned their attention back to Hanna.

"What gives?" Spencer questioned. "Why the useless college tour?"

Hanna shook her head, brushing a hand through her growing blond hair. In the six months since she'd cut it, it was now just reaching past her shoulders. "They've got this crazy idea that they're going to convince me to stick around and live here in-state. And to be clear, he applied to UCLA. I applied to FIDM."

"Would you do it if you didn't get in?" Aria asked.

"Hell no," Hanna replied without missing a beat. "Do you know how many different places I could intern for if I don't get in? There's nothing keeping me here in Rosewood – especially without you guys."

Their returned a few moments later with their drinks, and friendly conversation moved among the five of them as the night continued on. When their dinner had been brought to them and they had all eaten enough, the girls each pulled out their gifts. Hanna being Hanna, she had bought Spencer a pair of 400 dollar shoes that weren't even out yet in the states. How she managed to get her hands on a pair of them was beyond Aria, but she was sure that it had taken a lot of tenacity for her to not suddenly decide to keep them for herself.

Emily gave Spencer tickets for a two day trip to a spa. As Aria watched her friends hand over the pricy gifts, a part of her worried that maybe she'd gotten off too easy by doing something homemade and simple.

"I really hope this doesn't suck for you," Aria said as she pulled three boxes from the bag resting next to her feet. "I actually made one for the three of you that I figured you would like."

She passed the correct boxes to her three friends, though Hanna and Emily waited respectfully as Spencer opened hers. Upon opening the box, she pulled out a black wooden photo frame. Inside the frame was a collage of photos – both of just she and Aria, as well as group photos. In the center was a short poem.

You never know what you really need
Until it's all that you can see

You never know what you've got
Until it's what you haven't lost

You never know how much you can love
Until you've seen the flight of a dove

Thanks for being my friend/ninja/partner-in-crime/sister
In this life. I love you.

Spencer looked up from the frame to Aria as she finished reading for a brief moment before she placed it on the counter and moved around it, wrapping her arms tightly around the smaller girl.

Aria chuckled, hugging her back. "I love you too Spence, but I can't breathe."

"Just a few more moments," Spencer said, refusing to let up on her grip. "Aria that's literally the best gift anyone's ever given me."

Hanna and Emily must've opened their gifts after Spencer had dove at her, because instead of the grip on her body being loosened, Aria felt her friends envelope her even tighter, while Toby laughed from the other side of the table.

"Seriously you guys, I can't breathe," Aria said, trying not to laugh.

"You should've have made something so sweet and cute then!" Hanna cried as she only hugged her tighter.

"Hanna your elbow is in my ribs," Emily said a moment later.

"Your elbow is on my spine," Aria said to Emily.

The girls finally released her a few moments later, though it was clearly a reluctant move on their parts. Spencer and Hanna returned to their seats while Emily simply moved hers back to its proper spot.

"What inspired these?" Spencer asked as she placed the photo gently back into the tissue paper inside the box before she covered it again.

Aria shrugged. "I was struggling to think of what I could buy you, and then someone suggested I make something instead, because it would mean more. But I couldn't come up with anything until yesterday." She paused for a moment to take a drink of her soda. "I got my letter back from NYU and found out I'd been accepted, and it hit me…we've only got a little more than a month left with each other, and we'll all be leaving. I just want you guys to know you're taking part of me with you when you go."

"You're so destined to be a writer," Hanna giggled.

Aria shook her head at her blond friend, though she smiled. Shortly thereafter their waiter returned and they requested takeout containers for their leftovers before they began to argue over who would pay the bill. Spencer wanted to pay for it all, while each of the girls insisted they wanted to cover the tab equally. Toby ultimately won however, paying for the meal while they were arguing.

As headed out of the building, Aria paused, reaching the street. She turned and looked at Toby. "Didn't you get her anything?"

Spencer chuckled. "He made and built me a vanity table."

"Aww," Aria commented. "That's so sweet. I'm jealous."

"Of what?" Spencer said, poking Aria in the ribs. "Ezra writes you poems."

Aria opened her mouth to make a comment that Ezra and Toby combined could be a culmination of the perfect man, but her phone ringing in her pocket stopped her from doing so. She exhaled a soft sigh, realizing she should probably get home. She enveloped Spencer quickly in a tight hug.

"I love you dearly. Don't you ever forget that," she said to the taller girl.

Spencer hugged her back, nearly pulling Aria from the ground as she stood on her tiptoes. "I love you more. And don't you ever forget that."

Aria laughed, holding on to her best friend just a few moments longer before they finally parted and Spencer headed down the street with Toby while Aria walked over to her car. Once she reached it, she opened her door and settled inside it. She took several deep breaths, feeling tears burn behind her eyes. She was extremely excited for the things that were coming her way in the next few months, that was for sure. But ultimately knowing that she would be leaving her friends was pulling her heart apart in ways she hadn't realized until that very moment, and it hurt like hell.