Disclaimer: I disclaim Harry Potter. Draco Malfoy is an entirely different matter ;-)
A.N. I actually have the next chapter already written, apart from a few details. I'd love people to guess what Hermione's present is, and if anyone gets it right, the next chapter will be dedicated to them! All reviewers still get cookies, though, right or not.
With Ron's wonderful luck (and because the author was missing him) it couldn't be anyone but Malfoy. Ron was crushing Malfoy slightly. Neither was a happy bunny. 'Mudblood, anyone could be along and see you. Get the hell off. I know I'm hard to resist, especially when you've only got the Weasel, but I just don't do that with scum. Sorry to disappoint' Malfoy managed to seem utterly superior, even whilst being squished. Ron glared viciously, kicking Malfoy as he got up. The trained goons that trailed after Malfoy everywhere he went cracked their knuckles at Hermione. Apparently even they wouldn't hit a 'girl'.
Hermione laid a placating hand on Ron's shoulder to prevent him ripping Malfoy's aristocratic head off his shoulders. 'Leave him' she murmured 'He's not worth it'. Ron settled on glowering at the blond. 'Cleverer than you look, Weasel, keeping her on a lead like that. This is a last warning before you sneak back to whatever hole you live in. You're not to be in Britain after boxing day until the day before start of term, ok? Unless of course you want your pet mudblood to…entertain my father and his friends. Although I understand Severus will be there, so there should be at least one friendly face' he laughed evilly.
Hermione's grip tightened on Ron's shoulder. 'Malfoy' Ron growled 'Not that I don't appreciate the details, but the delivery could use a little work. That basically means: Lay the hell off, uh, me, if you don't want Ron to rip your stinking guts out of you and use them to string you from a tree.' Hermione stared slightly incredulously at him, as did Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy just laughed. 'Now, now, Weasel, keep her to heel or I might just accidentally let it slip that I know where you're going for New Year at dinner tonight. Yes, I heard you talking' he waved away their horrified expressions 'Mudblood, don't boss around a pureblood like that, even a poor excuse for one. Weasel, either stop her pretending she's on our level or, if you can't control her, I'll take her for myself'.
He sneered at Ron's utterly sickened expression 'Oh, you know I could if I just snapped my fingers, Mudblood. Later' he stalked away, followed faithfully by his gormless oafs. Hermione grabbed Ron's shoulders just in time as his legs wobbled, then collapsed underneath him. 'You're all right now, Ron, come on. He's gone, don't worry'. Ron shook his head, disgusted. 'First one on the list, 'Mione, and he treats you like that. He encouraged me to treat you like that! Lavender said he was a candidate for…you know' he blushed 'Promise me what he said was lies, please, 'Mione'. Hermione smiled at his hopelessness. 'Ron, I can't believe you think anything Lavender says is worth your time. Same for Malferret. She only thinks that because YOU tried to seduce him, anyway' she sighed, at which Ron shuddered.
'Please, promise me that once we switch back you'll obliviate me. Promise' Hermione smiled and promised, leading him towards the other end of the train, far away from the Slytherins. They spotted Harry and Ginny in a compartment, chatting, and Hermione stopped him, looking serious. 'Ron, I've decided we should tell them' she said, rather nervously. Ron's eyes widened in utter horror. 'No way, 'Mione' he said, pacing up and down 'I won't do it. My brothers will never let me live it down. Everyone will know I tried to seduce that blond bastard!' he cried, looking decidedly green. 'Besides, it might get out of the family. Someone could hear us' he whispered darkly 'This switch is the best thing that could have happened to us, with Mister Malfoy after you. This way, he's actually after me. If Malferret does rat us out, you'll be ok, you're pureblooded now. Or at least people think you are, so you'll be safe. My family'll look after you. I'm not risking this'. He glared defiantly at her, daring her to question him. 'Ron, I was just saying perhaps we might let them know we're not really dating?' she suggested tentatively, at which Ron blushed bright red. Hermione laughed 'I love you, you idiot', ruffling his messy brown hair, causing him to blush even brighter.
This decided, they joined Harry and Ginny. 'What took you two so long?' asked Harry, his eyebrow quirked 'As if I couldn't guess'. Ron and Hermione blushed, as Ginny slapped him playfully. 'Stop teasing them!' she admonished 'But seriously, why WERE you so long?'. Ron rolled his eyes 'We ran into Malferret. Again' he sighed. 'Ah' said Harry tactfully 'Which eye can he no longer see out of?'. They ignored him and sat down opposite.
The rest of the train ride passed fairly uneventfully. Apart from, of course, Ron and Hermione calmly informing Harry and Ginny that they weren't really dating. Harry groaned. 'Oh, guys, not 'friends with benefits'? Please no! That's just such a mistake!' Ron and Hermione turned pink in embarrassment and anger. ''Ron' would never take advantage of 'me' like that' Ron hissed, furious. Hermione smiled briefly at him, before adding 'Besides, Harry, You ought to know 'Hermione' better than that by now. She doesn't do that with just…friends. We never did anything!'
Ginny glared at the pair. 'You know mum's gonna be crushed, don't you, Ron? I already sent her an owl. She's been waiting for this to happen since she met Hermione in second year. You're an idiot, Ron!' Hermione looked angrily at the petite redhead. ''I' am not, Ginny. You just don't realise how clever I can be sometimes' Ron stared at Hermione, flattered and confused. Ginny just rolled her eyes.
'So why were you two pretending to date then? You seemed pretty natural to me' she asked. The ex-'couple' filled them in on the whole Malfoy plot, which was met with appropriate horror. 'At least he warned us about that Death Eater meeting' Hermione said fairly. 'That's why we're going to stay with uh, 'Hermione's parents for the New Year'. Harry became serious. 'Do you want me to come, Herm?' he asked. Ron shook his head. 'That's ok, Harry. We'll be fine. You should be too, I got the impression this was a muggle-born hunt rather than a proper attack' he scowled.
'So you're really not together?' asked Ginny, disappointed. Hermione smiled sadly and shook her head. Ginny sighed 'Mum's wanted Hermione in the family since she met her. Harry too, obviously, but I'm already working on that' she smirked, and laid her hand on Harry's thigh. 'You'd better watch out, Herm. Mum figured you'd want Ron, but if you don't, she'll set you up with another option. I've got four other eligible brothers. Who'd you want? Fred? George? Percy? How about Charlie? I can recommend him, very cute, excitingly dangerous, charming smile' she offered, grinning.
Hermione blinked, shocked. She had never even thought of Ron's brothers that way. It was very flattering of Mrs Weasley to want her as a daughter-in-law that much, but…they weren't Ron, she admitted to herself. Ron was in an equal state of shock. Ginny was joking. Of course she was. None of his brothers could handle Hermione. They didn't know her. That was his job he thought, glaring moodily. Ginny noticed their stony expressions and chuckled. 'Come on you two, stop being so ruddy miserable. We've stopped, look' she pointed outside the window to the train station, where the Weasleys were waiting cheerfully for them to get off. The no-longer-'couple' shook their heads, collected their suitcases and trooped off behind Ginny and Harry.
Mr and Mrs Weasley, the twins and Charlie were waiting outside, holding a muggle newspaper. 'Come on, you lot, get round the portkey' chided Mr Weasley gently, after everyone had had their hug from Mrs Weasley. The four underage students crowded around the newspaper with their trunks, vaguely hearing the pops as the others dissapparated. They were jerked off their feet with a familiar naval tug, and landed unceremoniously in a heap in the Weasley's sitting room. Mrs Weasley was already in the kitchen, preparing dinner. 'Trunks away, clothes changed and down for dinner in an hour!' she called. Ginny rolled her eyes. 'Levitating charms, people' she said, making her trunk float in front of her up the stairs. Harry followed suit, then 'Ron' and 'Hermione'.
Ginny flung herself into her room, Harry into Ron's. Ron was about to follow him, when Hermione grabbed him by the back of the shirt. 'Ron!' she hissed 'You're me! That's my room now, you're bunking with Ginny' she pushed him in the appropriate direction, and followed Harry. Luckily she already well knew which bed was Ron's and plonked his trunk down on the bright orange duvet. Feeling vaguely as if she was spying, she opened Ron's trunk and began putting 'her' clothes away, chatting amiably to Harry ash she tidied. 'You're being awfully neat, mate' observed Harry 'Hermione must have finally had some effect on you'.
Hermione blushed with pleasure, folding and ordering Ron's clothes, picking out a smart t-shirt and jeans to change into after she had finished unpacking. Quite soon she had done all the clothes, reaching a second layer of stuff in his trunk, obviously everything else Ron thought he might need over Christmas. There were a few spell books chucked in any old how, a framed picture of him, her and Harry waving at the camera cheerfully, spare parchment, a few quills, and what could only be Christmas presents. There was a box of Honeydukes' best chocolates, carefully labelled 'Mum', a Swiss army knife labelled 'Dad' (she smiled-Mr Weasley would love it), a heart bracelet labelled 'Ginny', a set of seeker gloves for Harry, a burns kit for Charlie, an earring for Bill, some boring book or other for Percy, two dog-tag necklaces, one saying 'Gred', the other 'Forge', and a sparkly gold paper bag with a matching label saying 'Merry Christmas Hermione, love Ron'. The 'love' had been crossed out and re-written twice.
This was DEFINITELY spying. Hermione glanced at Harry, who was still stuck with his clothes, and, feeling immensely guilty, stuck her hand inside.
What has Ron got Hermione for Christmas? How will she handle sharing a room with Harry? How will Mrs Weasley take the news about our favourite non-'couple'? Am I insane for writing Christmas into a fanfic at this time of year?