Chp 24: My Final Demise

We walked along an alley, looking for invisible werewolves, basically as far apart as the wet grimy walls would allow us. I didn't know why I hadn't asked myself why we were still on the same shift still. We'd been apart what seemed like years to me. It probably didn't even matter to him. I'd hurt him.

I looked at him confusedly, frowning at him. His eyes smouldered with repressed emotion –that looked like it might have been sadness.

"What's wrong, Damian?" He shook his head slightly.

"I can sense something coming. It's not a big deal," I looked away, trying not to let everything bother me too much.

What had gone wrong? What had I done? Though I knew it wasn't really my fault, I still felt it was my fault.

I was numb again –I only vaguely felt like ripping Chris's throat out for doing this to us.

I knew I shouldn't have let him take me out of that numb state I had been in, in the very beginning. I had been tempted, dragged out, and now I was stuck between numbness and awareness was again. He didn't love me anymore. It was my entire fault anyway for letting Chris get too close to me. Life had been worth living when I had been with him. But now… I just didn't know anymore. Emotions suck.

"You don't need to worry so much –I can take care of it." I don't know what possessed me to say that, but I immediately regretted it. I shouldn't say another word to him.

"I really hope so…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

I slapped myself mentally. I had to let the numbness incapacitate me again. It was the only way I was going to survive the rest of my stupid, moronic, too long, eternal life.

Suddenly a shiver ran down my spine, and my eyes flashed to everything ahead of us. I sensed something.

My first reaction was to reach for his arm, but I managed to stop myself before I could. It would appear that may arm only twitched. It agonized me that I couldn't hear his thoughts anymore, not just because I was still selfishly in love with him, but because I wanted to know if he had noticed my reaction and what he had thought of it.

The emotion that followed that was almost crippling. But my face remained indifferent. As always. I would show no one my pain again. It wasn't anyone else's problem. Damian should've listened to that in the beginning. It would have saved us the heartbreak. Or maybe just save me the heartbreak.

I really had to ask myself if he ever really loved me. Was it only because he was a gentleman, and he wanted to make a broken soul feel better? I could see him doing that. But would he have carried it out as long as he had?

My second reaction was that I started sniffing the air discreetly. And the emotion –or rather, the instinct– was I wanted to kill. I wanted to rip the something that smelt so bad apart into tiny little shreds. A werewolf. We learned this in class. This was the feeling that you should get. Werewolves were approaching us. Not just one – there were eight, plus someone or something much smaller. It sounded like a person's steps.

You could hear them padding their way across the pavement now.

It seemed I couldn't contain myself, couldn't keep myself from wanting to kill them.

All of a sudden I was in stalking mode. I heard the footsteps get closer. And something appeared in the darkness. Glowing red eyes.

Massive déjà vu swept over me, but my instincts took control of me. I knew in the back of my mind, this was exactly like my dream. I would just pray to god that this wouldn't turn out like my dream. True, I was broken when Damian and I weren't together –when he told me he didn't love me. But if he was dead… I would die too.

The surprise that Chris stepped out first, his eyes blood red, couldn't even faze me and distract me from the temptation, the seduction to kill. My eyes quickly shifted from him to the two giant beasts who took their place beside him. I could hear the panting and breathing of all the animals behind him too.

Everyone stopped. Damian stepped closer to me, and I didn't know if I felt like flinching back or not. I was focusing on holding back, trying not to lunge at the huge dark greyish wolf that was the closest to me.

"Hello brother." Chris saluted coldly. I started to twitch, and I hissed. Chris smiled evilly, his eyes matching his stance –cold, icy, malevolent.

My hesitation was waning. It was becoming much harder to stop myself.

Damian actually stepped right up to me now and wrapped is arms around my waist securely, restraining me as he began to talk to his brother. Everything was so surreal. I was beyond understanding or acknowledging what he was doing. He was giving mixed signals. One minute he never wanted to talk to me, to be around me. And now he was holding me.

But my instincts, the pure monstrous animal inside me had me completely taken over. I didn't care about that at the moment. I wanted to massacre the wretched beings. I continued to shake in his arms.

"Hello Christopher. You know what we're here to do. Don't make me have to kill you –my own brother." All of this was irrelevant to me. I now attempted to jerk away from him, trying to attack the nearby werewolf. It growled loudly, a rumbling sound, and raised its lips, baring its razor sharp teeth at me. I did the same, growling low in my chest, and I almost snapped then. He tightened his arms around me, restricting me even more.

"You know which side is right Damian. I've chosen my side. What you do here will decide yours,"

My eyes glazed over as one of the werewolves jutted out slightly from the pack of them, hackles raised, muzzle dripping with saliva, glaring straight into my eyes. Its fiery eyes reflected my image, and I could care less about how much of a vicious animal I looked in the mirror of its eyes. I wanted to kill.

I lurched forward, unyielding now, trying everything to get out of Damian's strong arms. Even he, who was probably stronger than me, could barely keep a hold of me. He pulled me back roughly, holding me to him.

"Don't do it," He whispered in my ear seductively. I wouldn't listen to that tempting voice as much as I wanted to.

"Not yet," He murmured more urgently. But that was it. I couldn't hold back anymore. I lunged, and finally got free of his arms in the same instant that the werewolf charged at me.

"No!" He screamed as the wolf and I met in mid air and slammed into each other with a loud bang. I think I heard a crack coming from inside its chest.

It pinned me down to the ground. I growled, snarled and hissed, trying to bite its paws and face off. And no matter how strong I might have been, it was way stronger. This was going exactly like my dream. But this thought was only vague in the back of my head. Instincts overpowered everything else. It whimpered slightly as I dug my teeth into its paw, and it growled ferociously, baring its teeth and lowering its head more.

Then suddenly it disappeared from on top of me, and I was momentarily stunned, lying on the wet ground. But then I was pulled up into the security of his arms, and was quickly placed beside him.

Hideous snarls came from the end of the alley –he'd thrown the werewolf off of me. Forgetting completely about the situation we were in, I turned and looked directly into his eyes. He stared right back, his eyes slightly sad. I didn't know what to think –what to feel.

All of a sudden we were surrounded. There was no way we could get out. My eyes widened. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't…

Damian had my hand clutched in his, but then he squeezed and let go.

No.

"Get out of here." He said it with no emphasis, no emotion.

I was astonished –shocked to the point where I couldn't react to anything. He pushed me out of the circle of werewolves, and how he managed to get me through all the furry legs I would never know.

The wolves moved in. I wanted to do something. But I couldn't move my deadened legs. I was too stunned. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a dream.

Suddenly I heard a shredding sound –grating, ripping metal and or shattering glass would describe the sound perfectly. But I didn't hear a single scream.

"No…" I choked low under my breath. Pearly coloured blood collected and pooled in a river towards me.

With a devastated expression, translucent tears of my own blood running down my face, I finally forced my frozen legs to move and sprinted, knocking one of the wolves in my way to him off its feet.

I grappled with a few others, desperately trying to get to him.

"Damian!" I screamed, tears rolling down my face. What had I done? Why had I been so stupid? Why was I so awful?

I threw the last werewolf in my way down the alley and dropped to my knees beside his mangled body, lying in a pool of blood on the pavement. My eyes couldn't get wider or more horrified.

I leaned down, lifting him into my arms. He was dying. I could see the life slipping from his eyes as they slowly began to become hazy. I did not care that he did not love me. I still loved him, and I would for the rest of eternity if eternity didn't end here.

I bit my wrist, drawing blood, and quickly placed it at his lips. But he turned his head, and with one of his hands, weakly pushed it away. What was he doing…?

"Damian… I'm so sorry. But this is the only way you can–" He cut me off by pulling my head down and pressing his lips lightly to mine.

"Don't Marie. Get out of here… Take care of yourself." He murmured softly, his voice faltering. I shook my head, more tears rolling down my cheeks. He closed his dark eyes. His body went limp in my arms. And I shattered.

I let out an ear-splitting scream, cradled him in my arms, burying my head in his chest. No. No. No. This wasn't real, this wasn't happening…

Footsteps seemed to echo in my ears as I heard a lone person approach. I held him for a few minutes, the thoughts in my head incomprehensible even to myself. Nothing made sense. Nothing added up. He couldn't be gone. He couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't…

I didn't cry anymore though. I was dead.

Then seemingly out of the blue someone touched my shoulder. Forcing myself to look up from where I had my face planted in his chest, I saw Chris standing over me, his eyes hard as he watched me. And my reaction was instantaneous. I couldn't stop myself as I lurched up from where I had been kneeling and punched him in the jaw. A splintering sound rebounded around the alley and he flew back a couple feet, holding the place where my fist had struck.

"He was your brother!" I screeched at him, glowering at him mercilessly as he held his jaw in place. I was so angered I was shaking. No words could really describe how I was feeling.

It looked as if it had been broken.

"He was your brother and you let them murder him! What kind of abject creature are you? If what I was told about werewolves is true, you are worse than them!"

He glanced away, getting to his feet slowly, pushing himself up off the ground. The werewolves began to form a circle around me again, growling and glaring at me, and blocking my view of Damian as they pushed me away. One of them picked him up in its giant, vicious jaws. My eyes widened further and I pushed back, trying to reach him again. I would not let him become one of their trophies.

"No… No! Put him down you bastard! Let him go!"

One of them pushed me back even further… and that's when I heard the yelling.

"Marie! Oh my god, Marie!" Someone screamed. Kathy. I was just about ready to burst then.

And then, all of a sudden, they started to retreat into the darkness, taking my love with them. I fell to my knees again, not able to breathe, clutching my chest, as Chris stopped to look at me a moment longer. His eyes held no emotion. They were cruel and now hard onyx as he stared at me. I looked down to the ground, his looks reminding me too much of him.

And then he vanished.

In the next second two people had their arms around me, kneeling on the ground in front and beside me. Kathy and Will.

I collapsed into whoever was in front of me, and since it felt like a man's hard chest I knew it was Will. My body gave out on me then. Everything was too much to handle. He wasn't gone. He was not gone…

I felt someone moving and then I was turned over to see Will and Kathy's faces. Will held me to his chest, and Kathy stroked my face, brushed my hair away, her eyes wide and frightened.

"Marie? Marie, are you all right? Please give me an answer," She kept up this begging for several minutes but I felt dead –trapped inside my own body, not able to move or speak, feeling nothing, but also the pain of losing him coming and going.

I felt that my face was frozen in a somewhat horrified, blank expression, my slightly wide eyes staring up at the dark sky, or rather, what Kathy didn't block of it with her face.

"William, what do we do?" She asked anxiously. She only said his full name was she was extremely uneasy.

He didn't answer. He only proceeded in picking me up in his arms and began walking. Kathy watched me worriedly the whole time.

"Is she going to be fine? What's wrong with her? And where's Damian?"

Will just looked at her. And awful realization dawned on her face in the next moment, causing her jaw to drop in shock, and I heard a whimper come from her.

"Marie… Oh my…" I heard her choke back a sob, and Will moved closer to her, attempting to comfort her even from his position. She buried her face on his arm, the sleeve of his light shirt.

I guess they knew now. But it didn't really matter. He was gone forever. And there wasn't anything anyone could do about –anything that could make me whole again.

x

Kathy and Will had rushed me back to our dorm. They tried to get a reaction out of me, saying many different things, some things that might have even stung, but I didn't feel anything. I went through periods of awareness and then periods where I sort of blanked out. My eyes were open the whole time, and I never really went to sleep.

I don't know how long exactly I was like that. But I knew I was on my bed, and Kathy or Will was always by my side, trying to get me to 'wake up'.

"Do you think she's in a coma? Or just in shock?"

"Well, from my guess I think she's just in shock. She wasn't hurt when you found her, she didn't lose any blood. It's probably just the shock of seeing a friend die."

I was actually hurt when she found me. I had been shattered into a million pieces.

"When will she be okay, then?"

"I don't really know. It could be when someone says something she needs to hear… or possibly when she's ready to come out. But right now she's healing herself; the comatose state she's in is only a protective cocoon for now. She'll be all right. Just give her time."

I think I recognized the voice, and it almost made me feel something. It was Nathaniel.

"Well, I hope she'll wake up in time for his funeral. I'm sure she wouldn't want to miss it…" She trailed off, and I heard her start to dry sob.

Poor Kathy. She was going through a hard time, and I was only making it worse. I wish I could feel something, so I could wake up and help her, but I couldn't.

Some other people came to see me, including my closer acquaintances.

Even Bridgette went with Jason and set aside her usual resentment of me to come see me. Taylor came with Kayla apparently too and it seemed she was somewhat concerned while Taylor conveyed his sadness and anxiousness over me more apparently.

Pat and Miguel came as well, to see me and also to comfort Kathy. She was going through a hard time coping with his death and the state I was in.

Suddenly I felt someone sitting beside me, and other people hovering over me.

"She flinched again," Kathy said slightly in awe.

I flinched…?

"Again? Does she do it often?"

"Sometimes… There's probably something going on in there. Hopefully she'll wake up soon."

I was starting to feel things now… or rather, pain. As much as I wanted to wake up and help Kathy, and relieve everyone who was worried over me, I couldn't help but miss the numbness. I don't know why they even cared so much; why they didn't give up on me and dump my lifeless body in a ditch somewhere. I wasn't useful to anyone in the state I was in.

After they left Kathy and Will sat down on the bed beside me.

"I really hope she wakes up soon… His funeral is tomorrow." She said unsteadily.

All of a sudden I felt alive –and then I was finally able to do something. I choked out, and blinked, anguish running through me.

"Marie! Oh my gosh, we were so worried." She leaned down and hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around her lightly as she squeezed me.

"How are you? Are you all right? You can talk to me about anything you want."

I blinked a few times, clearing my eyes. Will and Kathy stared at me anxiously, and I sighed. I was beginning to feel the numbness return as it always did and I was thankful.

"I'm all right for now Kathy." My voice was a little bit strained and rough from lack of use.

Her eyes widened at the sound and smiled slightly in relief.

"I'm so glad to see you awake Marie, you have no idea. Now… you look like you need to go hunting. Do you want me to take you now?"

I bit my lip and grimaced, trying not to let tears and sorrow resurface.

"Not now Kathy… I have to tell you something about that. And I need time to–"

She held up a finger to silence me, a small smile on her accepting face. I could see the apparent, abnormal grief in her eyes though. It was strange to see Kathy sad and or depressed. She was too happy of a person to see that emotion in her expressions and actions.

"I understand completely. Don't worry about it… You just need to relax for now. Like we all need to…"

I glanced behind her to see Taylor sitting with Kayla on the couch. He had an apprehensive, eager expression as he stared in my direction and Kayla had a resentful look on her face –as always.

Kathy leaned in more to whisper in an irritated tone into my ear, "He hasn't left this room since we brought you back here and he found out what happened."

I couldn't feel anything, where in another case I would be severely aggravated with him, so I just nodded.

"Do you want me to usher him out of here?" I inclined my head slightly and she smiled a little wider.

"Come on Taylor, she needs to rest." She shoved him towards the door lightly as soon as he had stood up. But he craned his neck to look at me, me who was lying behind Will on the bed. He sat almost protectively in front of me.

"Can I just talk to you for a moment Marie?" Kathy huffed, agitated and pushed him once more.

"She needs to be alone right now if you can understand,"

Suddenly he was standing at the foot of the bed, and sitting down as close as he could get with Will sitting beside me. It seemed as if Will was glaring at him.

"I am so sorry… I know it was probably very hard for you to lose Damian. He was a good guy, a good friend that you lost right in front of your eyes, and I just want to let you know that I'm here for you. Anything you want, you just come to me." I noted the way he enunciated certain words like 'good friend' a little time too intensely.

Once he had mentioned his name I almost lost it, and I gripped the pillow hard. Will laid a hand on my shoulder and continued to glower at Taylor.

"Thank-you Taylor –I appreciate that."

"But we need to leave her alone now," Will finally added in a hard, concluding tone. It was so weird hearing his voice because he wasn't one to talk much, though his voice like many other men I knew now was low and attractive.

Kathy was instantly beside Taylor again and tugging him almost roughly up by his arm.

I saw Kayla, tapping her toe anxiously by the door, staring at and waiting for Taylor anxiously, obviously wanting to give me the much needed privacy Kathy claimed I needed, who was letting Kathy now shove him across the room again.

Kathy opened the door for both of them and they exited, Taylor exclaiming loudly, "I'll see you later Marie!"

I sighed, and tried not to let the tears fall as I sat up. Will, surprisingly, put his arm around me comfortingly.

"I can't imagine what you're going through Marie. I'm so sorry I can't do anything –I can't imagine a world without Kathy…" He murmured in my ear and I nodded. He was just trying to comfort me.

She sat down cross-legged next to me on my other side and put her arm around me also.

But then she sighed.

"So… do you remember anything? Were you aware during any of the time?" She almost whispered her words.

I knew what she meant, and I exhaled heavily.

"I drifted in and out at some times. And yes. I remember everything in perfect detail."

You would think I had to. My life had basically ended with him.

I felt Will's hand squeeze my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Marie. I think all of us are devastated… But not as equally devastated as you. I couldn't comprehend what you're feeling." Kathy murmured in my ear, winding both her arms around me now.

"Actually, I'm not really feeling anything right now." Kathy's eyes widened before she grimaced.

At that moment I wished I could tell them that Damian and I hadn't been together for the last few days of his life. I wished I could tell them the truth, but I was only protecting them. They didn't need to know that.

"You know what's happening tomorrow then," She asked hesitantly in a pained voice.

I sucked in a sharp breath as tears sprung to my eyes. I shut my eyes tightly to prevent them from spilling over.

"I know. It's so hard… you don't have to go if you don't want to." I shook my head forcefully.

"I'm going. It would be awful of me not to go."

Kathy shook her head, somewhat in wonder, and pulled us down so we were lying down on the bed. We talked little, and Will always joined in on our short conversations from where he sat, looking down at us. She was trying to distract me from the disheartening event that was coming.

I didn't go to the next days' classes. Kathy stayed with me as the hour got closer and closer. It was in the afternoon. I had to choke back all emotion while I was there, or I didn't think I would make it. I had to pull through this, so I could live the rest of my dismal immortal life.

"It's almost time… we should be getting ready…" Will muttered monotonously. Kathy sighed roughly, looking almost as if she was going to cry, and pulled us up off the bed.

We stood awkwardly hand in hand. She looked to the ground.

"Umm… I wouldn't think you have a black dress suitable for… Come here, I have a few." She muttered, pulling my hand lightly, guiding her over to her closet again. I'd never seen Kathy so cheerless.

She picked out a plain black dress for me and her, and then I quickly slipped it on in the bathroom, looking over myself in the mirror.

Well one thing was for sure… I did look awful. Kathy was right when she said I needed to hunt. I had deep purple bags under my eyes and my eyes were coal black. True, black for an eye colour was not that conspicuous but it was still better to have my natural colour.

I looked extremely sick. But I could care less as I moved to apply my own eyeliner and makeup. Kathy had shown me a few things before, in our spare time.

When we emerged in our black dresses I saw Will sitting upright, waiting patiently in his suit and tie with a solemn look on his face. He stood up when we entered.

Kathy crossed the space between him and her quickly, sauntering into his arms.

I looked away. This sight was almost too painful, though I knew it was fairly selfish of me to think like that. I and he wouldn't be like that even if he were still alive. Remember…? He didn't love you before he died. He still wouldn't love you if he were alive right now. Maybe he never even did love you, I reminded myself this almost all the time, though it didn't really help at all. It just brought me back to the harsh reality.

She walked over to me as she saw the look on my face, and wrapped her other arm around my shoulders, Will's arm still around her.

"It's okay Marie. We're going to make it through this,"

I let that comment slide, thinking nothing of it.

She gave me a half hearted reassuring look, and then we were walking out the door and through the hallways. I knew they were familiar, yet they seemed new somehow. It was probably because I was walking through these halls now an altered person.

We slowly walked out of the building, mainly looking at the ground. It was a dreary, dark day –a grey mass of clouds blocked the sun out, and it seemed that at any moment it was going to rain. It was just as well. I don't think the sun shining brightly with a baby blue sky would make me feel any better.

Kathy led me over to a fairly large procession of people, all huddled and moving towards something. I presumed that something to be a coffin with no body in it, and the tombstone that marked where it would be buried. I choked back another sob and forced myself to remain calm –to be indignant. It was the only way I would be able to get through this. Kathy squeezed me as we continued to walk over to the crowd of people. Finally when we caught up to them, they stopped, and I saw a fairly large cross with his name on it. I took a deep shaky breath and then exhaled, willing everything to shut down. I stopped walking for a moment, closing my eyes to collect myself.

He never loved you. There is absolutely no reason you should be feeling the devastating loss you're mourning over. If you had have died instead of him, he would not feel anything whatsoever. He never cared. He never loved you.

"Marie –are you coming? Are you all right?" Kathy murmured more monotonously than anxiously.

Huh. What a question to ask at a funeral.

"Sorry –and yes I'm fine." My voice held absolutely no emotion, and I could tell it scared the few people that heard around us. Kathy even seemed a little affected. But she moved her hand so she held mine tightly.

People began to file into rows and sit down on chairs that I swore hadn't been there a moment earlier. Maybe I just didn't notice them in my now numb state. Or maybe my mind was going to betray me now and play tricks on me.

Kathy, Will and I found seats in the front row. And then the ceremony began shortly after that.

I sat through it numbly, watching Nathaniel act as the priest. Some people went up and said some memorable and nice things about him. I would have gone up and said something. But I'd just gotten into this relieving deadening state, and I didn't plan on leaving it soon. If I went up I would end up freaking everyone out by crying, breaking down and going into a hysterical fit most likely.

When it was time to lay flowers and other various things on the coffin, everyone rose including Kathy, Will and I. Somehow red roses and one white rose had materialized in his hands. Or maybe I hadn't noticed them too.

He handed me the white rose. And I took it from his extended hand. He handed me a red rose next. These roses represented something, and though I knew their meaning I did not want to delve into it. I didn't even know if I believed that.

We got in line, and we were soon at the front, laying the roses on the coffin so the coffin and the body that was not inside could be laid to rest forever. First I put down the red rose. Then the white. And then touching it one last time, though this really had no meaning, Nathaniel walked over to talk to me.

"You're a brave soul Marie. I know you're torn up over it, as you should be. But it was for the best –he was corrupted."

I turned to look at him full on, staring deep into his eyes. I knew I unnerved him slightly at least. I could see my expression in the mirror of his eyes, and it was eerie even to me.

"Did you think you could keep him forever? Silly, silly Marie… You're lucky I pitied your relationship with him as long as I did. The werewolf ended up doing my job for me,"

That was enough out of him. I didn't want to hear anymore.

"I haven't a clue as to what you are talking about Nathaniel. But if I had have been in a relationship with him, I would have counted myself lucky to be with him for any amount of time. He was a very interesting man, very humble, very gentleman. I don't know what you're talking about; him, a corrupt man? He was too loyal a person to betray anyone or do anything of the kind. And everyone should honour his memory for these things,"

A few people around me that heard my little cool speech approved with agreeable nods and murmurs. Nathaniel narrowed his eyes on me and turned to walk away, talk to the next person. That had been less horrible and piercing than I had thought it would have been. I came out of that conversation still numb. It was lucky for me and everyone else.

Soon everyone began to walk away, leaving me Kathy and Will, standing around the tree the grave was. The coffin had been lowered and buried. Now I was standing in front of the tombstone, fiddling with something on my wrist that I'd never taken off for a moment.

Kathy touched my shoulder.

"Marie…? Do you need a moment?"

I nodded sullenly and she turned, leaving with Will. They disappeared quickly… just like everything good in my not-life.

I sat down in front of the tombstone, crossing my legs native style and stared at his name.

I never thought I would be sitting here, on the foot of his grave ever. But I guess I really was naive to think it could've lasted forever.

My finger traced his name engraved into the stone cross tediously. Then I sighed, reaching for the clasp on the bracelet. I'd never deserved to wear it anyway.

Rain droplets began to fall, splattering on my cheeks and hair, turning the white stone a greyish colour.

I touched my lips to it softly then fastened it around one of the many intricate patterned adornments on the stone, somewhere where weather couldn't reach it or harm it in any way.

It would remain here forever and always, as a part of me always would.