Disclaimer!! I own nothing! Except my wonderful Ipod and my own ideas for One Tree Hill. Everything belongs to Mark and whatever going on inside that mind of his. All I did was use quotes from the show sometimes. : )

Hey guys! So for some reason fanfiction was jacked up yesterday and i couldn't log in and update for you all, so here I am now. Now I've read over this about a hundred times and I'm officially about 80% OK with it. That's more than half so I think it's OK and I hope you enjoy.

Song by The Goo Goo Dolls.

Chapter Twenty Five: Can't Let it Go

Thich Nhat Hanh once said: "If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people."

Some days I can't believe


Others, I'm on my knees


Trying to be heard

The bell above the door rang, signaling that there was a customer. Millicent was off on the other side of the store putting clothes on the rack or whatever it is her job title is. Brooke didn't bother to look up from her work, deciding that she would help whoever it was later. She continued to draw up her new designs, looking up from time to time to check up on Millie and to see the blonde hair woman admiring several outfits.

"That'd look great on you." Brooke complimented the red dress the woman held, finally breaking the silence in the room. "And I'm not just saying that 'cause it's my job." She said making the woman blush a little.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" Brooke asked setting down her things and devoting her full attention to her customer.

"Yes, there is one thing." She said setting down the dress in her hands. "I'm looking for Brooke Davis. Is she by any chance here?" The woman said making her way over to the counter.

"I'm Brooke Davis. What can I help you with?"

"My name's Grace. I'm Kimberly's mother." Brooke looked at the woman shocked waiting for her to say 'just kidding' and then they'd all have a big laugh about it. But it wasn't a joke. Brooke glanced over to Millie, who was now back behind the counter, and she had the emotionless expression on too.

"I was wondering if we could talk."

Usually, Brooke wouldn't have given her the time of day. But something about this woman, whether it was her past, the way she came back or the way Kimberly had described her made Brooke want to know what she had to say. And somewhere along the way she planned to throw in her two cents.

She looked over to Millicent, and she nodded signaling Brooke to go ahead and that she would be able to handle the store for awhile.

"Let's go."

Some days I can't believe


Others, I'm on my knees


Hoping I belong

There was something about the quietness of the school that brought calmness to Kimberly. Whether it was the emptiness of the halls that did it for her or the fact that she was free to roam them as she pleased. She remembered a time when she walked these halls in the middle of the night with nowhere to go. It felt like a lifetime ago, and to her it was.

But no matter how long or how hard she tried, she couldn't bring herself to forget the fact that her mother was here. Kimberly told her to leave, but would she? She told her to stay away from her and yet here she was, playing mom to a little girl that just so happened to be her sister. Her sister. She was a sister. She told herself it wasn't real, that it all was just a dream, and any minute now she would wake up. But you can't wake up from reality.

Kimberly turned down a random hallway and walked a bit further before seeing Principle Turner walking her way. She ducked into the nearest open door without getting caught. She watched as Turner walked by the door and let out a sigh of relief.

"Skipping class?"

She opened her eyes and saw that she was standing in Lucas' office and there he was sitting behind his desk wearing an amused look.

"Not exactly." She smiled pushing herself off the door. "I have study hall this period and I didn't really feel like studying, so I took a little walk. You're not gonna tell on me are you?"

"Your secret's safe with me. Remember, I used to be young once too." He said as he saw a smile on her face quickly appear and disappear within a matter of seconds. She turned to leave but Lucas stopped her. "You want to talk?" He asked standing from behind his desk.

"I didn't do anything wrong." She quickly said thinking she was in trouble.

"It's not like that, Kimberly. It's just I know about your mom and everything and you look like you need someone to talk too."

"How do you know about my mom?"

"Brooke told Peyton and Peyton told me. You know when you live with Brooke; you're living with the conductor of the gossip train." He simply answered.

"Great. I might as well have passed out flyers detailing my life." She muttered.

He decided to ignore the last comment and move on. "I'm sort of disappointed you didn't tell me. You know you can talk to me."

She fidgeted. "Yeah I know, but I didn't want you guys to worry or anything. Sorry."

"It's fine. So you want to hang here? I mean until you really have to go to class." Seeing her discomfort in the subject he decided to change the subject.

"Might as well. I don't have anywhere else to be." She chuckled before sitting down in front of his desk.

I was your anger


And you were my fear

"OK, I just want you to know that I'm trying really hard to not scream at you right now. And I'm also containing myself from bashing your face against a wall." Brooke admitted while distracting herself with her coffee. They had walked two blocks before Brooke broke the silence, now they sat at a small table outside of an old restaurant.

Grace chuckled and looked down to her own cup. "Honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you did. I probably deserve it. And I appreciate you for letting us keep this civil."

"Can I just ask you why you left Kimberly lying on the floor and went off to raise another kid?"

"I was in a pretty dark place at the time." She sighed. "My son had died, my husband just went to jail, and I took it out on Kimberly and I shouldn't have. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time for me. I regret that day and I wish I could go back and change it." She said looking Brooke in the eye with all honesty lacing her every word, and Brooke could tell she was telling the truth.

"If you've regretted that day, how come you never bothered to come and find Kimberly?" Brooke asked trying to find something in this woman to give her a reason to hate her. The woman left her daughter that should be reason enough to hate her.

"I had just had a baby by the time I realized my mistake. When Katy was born I looked into her blue eyes and I was terrified that I would make that same mistake to her that I did to Kimberly." She deeply sighed. "I guess wanted to prove to myself that I could be a good mom before I ever saw Kimberly again."

Hearing that lame excuse pulled a trigger in Brooke's mind and something inside of her exploded. "You have no idea what kind of crap she's been through. You could have saved her from it all. You don't know her life, you don't where she's been, who she's met, or where she laid her head down at night. You don't know what kind of trouble she's been in and do you even care? Did it ever keep you up at night wondering where your daughter's at?"

"Of course it did!" Grace said also becoming angry. She shut her eyes, trying to calm herself, and reopened them approaching her next words carefully. "But I wanted to believe in my mind that she was truly OK and by the looks of things she is."

"She is now. Now." She growled. "But seven months ago she wasn't. And where were you then?"

"Look, I came here to make sure she's OK and she is." Grace said making her point. "I'm not here to get her to come and live with me. Would I want her too? Yes. Do I want the three of us to be a family? Yes. Do I want my daughter to forgive me? Yes. But is any of that going to happen? Probably not. I love Kimberly, I do, and it breaks my heart to see her treating me like this, but I guess I deserve it."

Brooke stared at the woman before her. She saw her in a new light. Before she had just thought this woman was just like her own mother, not giving a crap about her daughter and just leaving her be. But this woman was nothing like her mother. At least, when she came back it was for the right reason.

"You've done a great job with her, Brooke. Thank you." Grace said patted her hand as she stood to gather her things.

"Where are you going?"

"I think my welcome here's worn out. So Katy and I are going to head back home." She said with a sad smile. She walked a few inches and stopped when a sudden thought came to mind. "I know what I did to Kimberly was inexcusable and by saying that I'm sorry is not going to change anything. I know that. I just hope that one day we can move past it all and Kimberly can get to know her little sister because Katy really wants to know her, and I feel horrible that the mistake I made is keeping her from doing that. And maybe somewhere along the way Kimberly and I can get to know each other again." Brooke nodded at the woman's last words and watched as she walked away, leaving Brooke with the remainders of their conversation.

Now that it's over


Of course it's so clear

"Do you ever imagine a different life for yourself, Lucas?" Kimberly randomly asked after one of their laughing fits.

It was lunchtime and neither one dared to get up or speak of how Kimberly had to go soon. They were too busy talking about books and music and whatever else they talked or joked about. But randomly she asked a serious question and then the room fell silent.

"I'm not sure I understand the question." He stiffened.

"Like if you had done a certain thing or something had happened to you, do you ever wonder how different your life would be?"

"Like what?"

She sighed, searching for an example. "Like if Dan had claimed you as his son."

Lucas glanced away as old thoughts he had as a child returned to his mind and chuckled. "When I was younger I would see all the great things Nathan would get for birthdays and Christmas. Basketball tickets, jerseys, new car, and any girl he wanted. And he looked so happy with all of it. I would be so jealous, but I'd never admit it. And then once I got to know him, I found out that it was all just an act. He didn't care about all those things. He just wanted to be free of Dan. So I realized I got the better life because I was free of Dan."

"But don't you ever think about it?"

"I have a feeling that we're not talking about Dan, but about your mom." He said leaning forward in his chair and placing his elbows on his desk. "What's up, Kimberly? You've been avoiding the subject since you walked in here."

"I just…" She sighed. "I can't help but wonder who got the better bargain here. My sister or me." She paused staring down at the floor. "I got Brooke and Tree Hill and everything here. She got the version I always wanted of my mom."

"What are you trying to say, Kimberly?" He asked not fully understanding.

That was a good question, because Kimberly herself didn't fully know what she was trying to say. What did she want besides to avoid this whole situation all together?

"After everything that she's done to me, is it wrong to be somewhat jealous of her?"

"I don't understand." He squinted.

"I hate what she did to me. I hate her." She grunted. "But I see the person that she is when Katy's around and I see how happy she is, and my stomach just turns when I see how happy she is. She doesn't deserve that! I do! After everything that's happened to me…and she gets what I've always wanted." She screamed; tears rushing to her eyes.

He saw the tears in her eyes and he himself felt the pain she had right now. He wanted to help, say something to cheer her up, but what was there to say? For a writer he couldn't find the words, and for a father he couldn't find a way to comfort her.

"I see how happy those two are together and I can't help but feel left out, like I'm no longer part of that family, and…God! Look at me; I'm jealous of the person that left me. I'm pathetic."

"No you're not." Lucas finally muttered out.

"Yes I am. I mean, I look at them and they have each other to lean on and no matter what, and I feel like have nothing or no one."

"Hey, that is not true." Lucas stood from behind his desk and took the seat next to her, wrapping his arm around her; he pulled her closer to him, letting the tears fall as they pleased. "You have some of the greatest people here for you, Kimberly, and it's about time you realized it. You got me and Peyton, and Haley and Nathan, and Jamie and too many people to name right now. You got a boyfriend that loves you and would do anything for you. God, he loves you, Kimberly, and I know that you love him just as much as he does you."

"Yeah." She whispered as her tears subsided and a small smile came.

"And Brooke. Most importantly you have Brooke. And if I know Brooke, which I do, I know that she will always have your back and never let anything come between you two. So I think it's about time you start realizing how many people you have that love you."

"I know. It's just that I've gone through most of my life without having anyone and then all of a sudden I have this huge group of people that love me and it's still hard to believe that I really have you guys."

"Well believe it, because we're not going anywhere. And as far as your jealousy over your mom goes, don't be. I'm pretty sure that she's jealous of what you have here."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" She asked glancing up into his icy blue eyes.

He looked down to her and smiled

"A family."

But you were no angel


And I was no sin

She told Millicent she was feeling sick and that she was going home, which was a lie at the time, but now as she stood against the kitchen counter thinking about the events of the day she really did feel like she would be sick.

Her knees were about to give out so she put all her weight on the counter. Her arms felt like Jell-O and she bet if she tried to walk she would fall flat on her face. The only movement going on in her body was her eyes blinking periodically and the thoughts running rampant in her mind. She didn't bother to look around the room, but instead focused on one particular thing that she sort of zoned out on long ago.

The things that Brooke should have said to Grace floated in the air. All Brooke wanted to do was yell at her. That was the reason why she agreed to speak to her in the first place. But the generous and kind way Grace had spoken to her flushed away all those horrible emotions Brooke had for the woman. Now, standing here in her house, all those emotions came back.

Grace reminded Brooke so much of her own mother. Never around and the last thing Kimberly remembered of the woman was a heartless bitch. Kimberly had every right to hate her. And so did Brooke…right?

Yes, no…I don't know.

This woman hurt Kimberly, so yes, she hated her.

But she came back to apologize and make sure she was OK, so no, she didn't hate her.

But she had a daughter and never bothered to tell Kimberly about her, so yes.

And she's leaving again, so yes, she hated her. Definitely yes.

But she knows Kimberly is happy here and doesn't want to affect that. And she knows the mistake that she made and said she was sorry, and she's a good mom to Katy.

So no, she didn't hate her. Because unlike her own mother, Grace came back. Grace came to make sure Kimberly was OK. Grace is being the mom to Katy that she could never be to Kimberly. She's giving her more than a gold card and everything she ever wanted, she's giving her a life that she knew that she could never give to Kimberly.

Or maybe she could.

Seeing how she takes care of Katy and how happy she makes her, maybe Grace could've given that to Kimberly if she had tried. Maybe she still can if Kimberly would let her.

"Hey, Brooke! I'm home!"

Maybe.

Somehow I can't let it go

I can't let it go

Next chapter is on it's way. I'm not going to tell when the next update is because I don't even know. Let's hope soon.

Thanks for reading and please review.