Chapter 25

"Shepard . . ."

"Mmm . . ."

"Love . . ."

"Mffrrggrrrrr . . ."

"Wake up, my silly commander."

"I don't wanna."

"Do it anyway so I can look into those wonderful eyes of yours."

Shepard reluctantly (and willingly, given that it was Liara) opened her eyes. Her slight crabbiness instantly vanished when Liara's blue face came into view. Though their relationship was most definitely still in the honeymoon/bunny phase, Shepard knew she would never tire of waking up to the beautiful sight above her. She sighed happily when Liara's lips lightly brushed her own.

"Do I have to wake up? Can I just stay like this forever?"

"The caterer you hired to serve breakfast is here," Liara said, running her soft fingers over the scar on Shepard's face. "Hungry?"

"Only for you," Shepard replied with a dreamy smile.

Liara giggled and kissed Shepard's nose where the scar ran across it. "You are such a shameless flatterer."

"I was expecting you to say 'cheesy.' Shameless is definitely a step up."

"I'm still not sure what 'cheese' has to do with anything. You humans have some very odd sayings."

Shepard thought about it for a moment. "Yeah you're probably right. Cheese has nothing to do with it."

"Especially not when you're showing me how much you love me," Liara said with a coy smile.

Shepard put her hand behind Liara's neck and pulled her down for another kiss. "Definitely not."

"You're all terrible friends," Shepard declared when she saw the state of her apartment. Apparently at some point after she had disappeared with Liara, Aethyta had a bunch of paint ball guns sent up to the apartment because the walls, floors, and furniture were positively covered in pain splatters. "And what the hell do you have to say for yourself Bailey?!" she continued. "You're supposed to be a cop!"

"Hey, you told me to leave the uniform at the door," he replied unapologetically.

"Aren't you gonna ask who won, Shepard?" Grunt demanded, though judging the triumph in his voice, Shepard had a pretty good idea.

Letting out a deep, dramatic sigh, Shepard decided to humor the adolescent krogan. "Okay, Grunt. Who won?"

"We were on teams. I was on Blue Team because I had all the asari. Wrex was on Red Team because he's got red armor. BLUE WON!" he bellowed happily.

"That's nice," Shepard said flatly. "And your prize is . . . what exactly? I'll tell you what. Y'all get to clean my damn apartment."

"Oh relax, Kid," Aethyta drawled. "I rented some cleaning mechs. They'll be here later."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "That's not the point. The point is, you big lot of ruffians fucked up my apartment without permission."

"From the sound of it, you were too occupied to ask," Aria drawled from the couch. What was it with that damn asari and couches?!

Shepard stole a quick glance at Liara (who was in the kitchen, desperately trying to pretend she hadn't heard the comment by stuffing her face with a bagel), and felt a surge of protectiveness. "Shut it, You," Shepard snapped at Aria. "And you, Councilor Tevos, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Tevos looked up lazily from her position lying atop Aria. "I did not participate. Therefore, I am not responsible for the actions of these 'ruffians'."

"Oh why so grumpy, Shepard?" Wrex said from the kitchen, taking a swig of coffee right out of the pot. "It's not like you were on Red Team. If you were, we would have won. As it stands, while you were Embracing Eternity, you left your squad to die at the hands of the Evil Bitch Queen of Omega."

"Evil Bitch Queen of Omega who kicked your ass," Aria corrected. "All you losers may now refer to me as 'Queen of the Universe,' as per our agreed upon arrangement."

Shepard stared in disbelief at Wrex. "You actually agreed to that deal?!" she demanded.

"Wait 'til you hear Wrex's side of the deal," Vega called from the floor somewhere.

"I told her-" he started but was suddenly cut off.

"Told who?" Aria interjected with an expectant wave of her hand.

Wrex sighed heavily in resignation. "I told the 'Queen of the Universe' she'd have to personally spray paint 'Wrex is better than Aria' on the walls of Afterlife for all her adoring patrons to see."

Shepard chuckled. "Too bad you lost. I'd love to see that plastered all over the walls of Afterlife as a constant reminder that Aria isn't as godly and amazing as she seems to think she is."

"If you were anyone else, Shepard, I'd Warp your face," Aria snapped.

"A rose by any other name . . ." Shepard trailed off with a smirk. Ashley snickered but none of the other humans seemed to get it.

"Oh I get it," Aria drawled. "You want to make obscure Earth references because you think it's funny. I can do that, too. 'An Illium sunset is best served with ice.' Anyone?"

Liara started choking in the kitchen on whatever she was currently shoveling down her throat, Aethyta laughed harshly, and whatever Aria meant earned a smack on the chest from Tevos.

"I highly doubt what Shepard said was anywhere near as insulting as that, Aria," Tevos scolded.

Shepard peered curiously at Liara, but as soon as Liara saw her inquisitive eyes, the asari shook her head violently and staunchly refused to explain.

"Never mind," Shepard said with an amused roll of her eyes. "I don't want to know. And for the record, Aria, I was quoting Shakespeare, a classic Earth writer."

"I was not quoting anything classy," Aria replied with a proud smirk.

"Wait, wait. Grunt, why weren't you on Wrex's team?" Shepard suddenly rounded on the adolescent krogan. "You said you were on Blue Team and that they won. Wasn't Blue Team composed of the asari?"

"Wrex and I were the team leaders, and we played a quick game of Quasar to see who got to choose their team first. I won and chose the asari over the humans because humans suck. Except you, Shepard. But you were otherwise occupied."

"See if I ever trust this fucking asshole in battle again," Zaeed grunted, jamming his thumb in the direction of Wrex.

"I will kill you, Grunt," Jack snarled from her perch at the hearth.

"Aria cheats!" Wrex bellowed in his defense.

"Of course she cheats," Shepard replied. "It's Aria."

"I don't cheat," Aria retorted. "I just don't follow pointless rules laid down by cowards who are afraid to get their hands dirty."

"I demand a rematch. Only this time we agree on only one rule: there are no rules," Wrex barked.

"I believe there is only one rule from here on out, Old Man," Aria said with an even bigger smirk. "And what is it?"

Wrex put a talon to his plated forehead in controlled frustration and rage. "Don't fuck with the Queen of the Universe."

"Thaaat's right."