Although moving from one room to another made him tired, Johnny wanted to go to one of our favorite places; a grassy hill on a trail where we used to walk the dog.
One weekend afternoon we decided to go, Mom coming with us to supply extra help for Johnny.
We stopped repeatedly; Johnny needing to rest every couple of minutes. Finally, we made it to the bottom of the hill. The climb looked even steeper than I'd remembered.
"We don't have to do this," I told Johnny, who was looking up the hill worriedly.
"Yeah, we do," he replied, as he started to ascend. I told Mom we'd call her later when we needed to be picked up, and she left more easily than I thought she would. I put my arm around Johnny's shoulders, to support him, while we slowly climbed to the top of the hill. He was breathing so heavily, but when we made it to the top, his eyes lit up.
"It's just how I remember it," he breathed, staring wondrously across the broad field of grass. The sun was just beginning to set to the right, and to the left was a panorama of all the houses nearby. Golden rod was growing in the grass. Johnny sank down and just looked at the sky, his eyes as enraptured as a baby's, discovering everything for the very first time.
I lay down next to him, and we just stayed like that for a while, neither of us talking, both understanding what an absolute crime speech would be at that very moment. The sky above us was endless. I wondered absently who the owners of the houses were. Who had kids? Who hated their jobs? Who actually did something, ever did something, that made them happy? Who was in love?
Then I stopped thinking.
I sat up and put each of my legs over Johnny's. He didn't ask anything. He just kissed me gently and lifted my shirt over my head. I undid the button and zipper of his jeans, as he undid mine. I smoothly removed his shirt, careful not to hurt him. He unhooked my bra with astonishing ease, throwing it in some direction. I looked down and was relieved to find that I wasn't wearing a silly pair of underwear. At some point we both said "I love you." Blackbirds flew above us.
I know the first time's supposed to be awkward and disgusting, but it wasn't. I'm not going to describe it more, because I really can't.
To know how it felt, you would have to lie on the top of a grassy hill under the just setting sun with blackbirds flying in the sky and houses in the distance, and have sex with your favorite person in the entire universe, who's enormous black eyes are staring at you, when you both know that he might pretty soon die and your mom is probably worried about where you are. And I don't care if adults would say that we were committing an unseemly act or whatever. I loved Johnny more than fusilli with six layers of parmesan, more than The Lumineers, more than the Harry Potter books, more than any other person, more than hot glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts, more than The Breakfast Club, more than Snoopy.
It was the time, the place. I'm not going to use the word perfect because nothing's perfect and if it were that would be boring.
All I can say is that with my nonexistent religious beliefs, that was the closest to heaven anyone could ever get.
This is one of my favorite chapters. I hope you enjoyed.