a/n: sigh. its been so much longer than i intended since i posted a new chapter for this. i think it was worth the wait though. this whole chapter, while way shorter than the rest, is 100 spike goodness. reveiws are much appreciated and much loved.

Chapter 24

He knew where he was. He was back in the basement but there was no red magical bubble this time. Now he was just chained to the wall. He knew all this, could feel the cold brick against his back. Only, his mind was floating elsewhere. Long gone where the groans of Nikolai as his men tried to reattach his arm. No more could he hear the warlocks in front of him, muttering and chanting as they attempted to keep him immobile. He couldn't feel the burning hot poker as it burnt into his flesh. Nothing physical existed to him anymore. He was trapped in his mind.

There were screams. Tears. Blood. So much blood he could smell it, feel it beneath his feet. It squished between his toes covering his feet in blood. His hands too. Everything was red. So much blood. And the screams. The sound of thousands of people. Those he'd killed crying out in agony. Hundreds of thousands of loved ones crying out for justice. The pain and fear smothered him, constricted his chest so he couldn't breathe. Tears were falling down his cheeks and he cried out. No one could hear him over the screams of so many dead. Humans. Demons. Half breeds. So many voices. Slayers.

So many dead, so much pain. And that song. The words traveled to him across the blood and screams. A song his mother used to sing. She was here somewhere. Another of his victims screaming and crying out. It hurt, god it hurt so much. He wanted to shout out. There was a name on the tip of his tongue but it had no meaning, nothing meant anything but blood and fear and pain and grief.

Dru was in front of him singing about baby fish and ashes.

Angelus was before him laughing about satisfying Dru.

Darla stood before him sharing a brief moment of solidarity as she had done so many times before when they found themselves out alone while Angelus had his way with Dru.

Cecily was before him, cold eyes informing him he was beneath her.

Halfrek was before him, smug and amused as they watched Buffy and Anya dance. Laughing as she informed him that maybe he wasn't so beneath her but she wouldn't mind being beneath him.

The Chinese slayer watched him with a steely expression, no fear, no regret, a job well done even as all the blood drained out of her neck wound and she died unable to say goodbye to her mother.

Nikki Wood glaring at him, yelling at him for leaving her son alone. For taking her life when she had others to protect.

Faith stood silent and strong. She wasn't covered in blood like the others; she was covered in tears and light. A beacon to show him another life, another person he had taken away. She held no anger. No fear. She nodded as he moved passed her into the sea of his victims.

His heart felt like it was being ripped out. It hurt so much he though it had started to beat. He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his feelings. If only Angel could see what a vampire without a soul could feel.

Angel.

What a joke. He stood before Spike, all souled up and self righteous. And for the first time Spike felt no fear or regret. No guilt. He had done nothing to Angel that Angelus hadn't done to him a thousand times over.

There was a spark in the darkness. A light forcing its way through the blood and death. A bright light that washed warmth and hope over Spike. And then she was there, standing before him.

One of the few people in the whole world he never wanted to hurt.

The only one he had never hurt.

He called out to her, his voice breaking on a sob as he fell to his knees before her. She reached out, a smile on her face, and placed her hand against his cheek. He leant into her touch and breathed in relief as her voice washed over him.

'Daddy!'