It's Sunday evening right? Tadam!

Chapter 24: Feelings

Edward

To say the last few months have been crazy, would be an understatement. After my first therapy session with Eleazar, I hit rock bottom. I spent every single day trying to climb out of it, only to fall back into the pits of hell. It was maddening, frustrating and most of all, exhausting. Top that with sleep deprivation because of the incessant nightmares and you have the equation of my life.

But things were finally starting to look up again. Bella was definitely making progress and so was I. We were well on our way to getting our lives back on track. We had both discussed that we wanted to look for other jobs. I obviously needed to, because I didn't think I'd ever be able to fly again. Bella had realized her job had killed her entire social life and she didn't want to give up the new friends she had made.

Friends.

Yeah, that's what we are. Or at least, that's what she calls us. Well, I called us that, too, even though I wish it was more. I won't deny that from the start I've been attracted to Bella, but given our predicament, it hadn't really seemed like a good idea to look beyond that. But now that we were back in New York, I had learned all about this fascinating, strong woman. I learned her little quirks and what made her tick. I knew her favorite color and what kind of food made her feel better. And even though she wasn't perfect, I couldn't help but fall more for her with every single thing I learned about her.

And the most frustrating part of it all? She was completely, totally and blissfully unaware of how I felt. So yeah, I felt like I was stuck in one of those cheesy chick flicks. Only our story had already had some tragedy to it. I guess that's exactly what would sell in Hollywood.

On top of that, my mother, ever the psychic, quickly figured out that, for me at least, Bella was more than just a friend. So every time I'd stop by, she'd ask me when I was finally going tell her how I felt because she just knew that only then would Bella realize that she felt the same way for me. I always had to scoff at that. I had never even caught onto any sign that she would like me more than just a friend, and believe me, I was watching. Unfortunately, I saw none, so I kept my feelings to myself and was happy to spend some time with her every day.

The week in which in the first snowflakes fell down, we finally started working again. Bella had taken a part-time job as a secretary, while I found myself working at a small bookshop near my apartment. It wasn't what we once had mapped out for ourselves when we were in college, but it worked for us now.

"You really don't want that chocolate chip cookie?" I asked Bella after I had ordered our sandwiches and we had taken a seat in one of the booths. We were having lunch in the local Subway, as it was the closest place with decent food for both of us.

"No," she laughed. "I probably won't even be able to finish what I have now."

"But you want the cookie?" I challenged. She looked at me in amusement.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said before getting up and buying her one of those big cookies that make your mouth water just by looking at them.

"Edward," Bella chastised as I took my seat again and placed the cookie in front of her. "I told you I won't be able to eat it."

"Then eat it first, and the rest of your sandwich later," I said, taking a bite of my cookie first and leaving my sandwich untouched.

"And why would I do that?" She crossed her arms in front of her, trying to look stern, but I knew she wasn't mad.

"I once saw this movie, and the girl always had her dessert first, because she wasn't sure what would happen the very next second in her life. If I recall it correctly, she said it was out of fear for meteors." I explained, highly amused. "I kinda like that way of thinking so I've started doing the same. Only not really in a restaurant, because that's just weird."

"You're just weird," she refuted, but took a bite of her cookie anyway. I couldn't help myself from grinning at her.

"Stop that," she said, waving her cookie at me, but unable to hide her own smile.

We spent the rest of our lunch having random conversations about everything and nothing, although one topic gets avoided as usual. We talk about our time alone back in the Amazon Rain Forest a lot, but usually in the safety of our own homes. We tell each other our fears and the things that keep us up at night.

It was only a few days later that we had had one of those nights again. On the couch of her small apartment we had talked more about the guilt that we survived when the others didn't. And even worse, they hadn't even received a proper burial yet because none of the bodies had been found yet. Neither had the plane. It was something that kept both of us up at night. We wanted this story to come to an end, so that we could have closure.

We ended our night on a good note, with a movie and some snacks, but before the movie was even halfway in, Bella had already fallen asleep on my shoulder. I watched the slow rise and fall of her chest for a while and wondered how long it would take for the horrible images to take over. It wasn't a nightly occurrence anymore, but usually when we had talked about it the evening before the chances of it happening were bigger.

After a few minutes of staring at her, I gathered her in my arms and moved her into her bedroom. She woke up for a split second, but when I softly told her to go back to sleep, she was out cold instantly. I tucked her in and watched her peaceful form before going back to my own—much colder—home.

A/N: Thank you for reading/ reviewing :) Your support means everything. Thank you especially to those who review every single chapter. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see your names pop up every week.

+ I don't know if I'll be able to keep to my updating schedule the next few weeks, as I'm busy planning my trip to New York. (Visiting those two over there myself *grin*) I'll try my very best though.

Until next time,

With love, Ellen