Liberation
The following days ticked by slowly. The physiotherapist visited every day to get her to move her knee. The therapy sessions were excruciating, but at the same time, it felt good to move her leg after four days of restriction. It felt even better to be able to focus on something she could at least tell herself she could fix, or at minimum, improve. It was something tangible and safe... Her knee.
A few days after her surgery she'd been allowed up on crutches. Ren had been initially a little disappointed in her lack of strength and how easily she tired. But it only took her a few days to start swinging along the halls at top speed.
Each day, as she got stronger, Jake accompanied Ness to new locations in the hospital. They visited the cafeteria, the hospital coffee shop, entrance doors of the hospital where the appeal of fresh air was too tempting to ignore.
One afternoon, when the appeal of the cool, crisp air and the feel of the wind in her hair was too much to bear, Ness dressed in normal clothes and they snuck out of the hospital walls. The pair gingerly made their way to the river that ran behind the hospital. They sat on the grassy banks of the tributary for over an hour. Ness simply enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine all wrapped in Jacob's arms. She closed her eyes and let the warmth of the sun filter into her skin. The heat of the hard body behind her warmed her soul as well. It was a perfect afternoon… until her pain meds started to wear of. With Jacobs help she hobbled back to the ward, determined that her pain wouldn't dampen the joyful afternoon they'd had. They truly were treasuring the smaller things in life. Sunshine, fresh air and soul replenishing love.
But… like pretty much every good moment in her life so far, there had to be something or someone to mess it all up.
Ness and Jake arrived back to her hospital room to find two police detectives waiting by her empty bed. Jake sat there, holding her hand, as, for two grueling hours, the police got a detailed statement from Renesmee.
They'd had questions for her in relation to the night of the assault and all her other dealings with Nahuel over the past two years; in both her experiences with the stalker and with Nahuel in person.
Ness felt like she'd detached from her body, the words came out of her mouth yet there was no feeling behind it. It was as if she was merely retelling a story of a horror movie that she'd seen in the cinemas. Only it was in the first person. She had really lived it. She had the scars to prove it.
The police informed them both that they'd most likely be summoned to give evidence at the hearing. Ness hated the idea of being in the same room as the man who'd beaten and tried to sexually assault her. She didn't want to be forced to have him looking at her as she retold her story in the court room. She buried that feeling of nausea and overwhelming panic down, giving her perfect smile to the police.
Jacob saw her textbook, seamless smile that she presented to the world when she was really breaking apart inside. He knew she'd barely managed to hold it together that afternoon. It was then and there that he vowed to himself to get Ness talking to a councilor as soon as they got back to Seattle. She was such a good actress, with years of practice up her sleeve, even Jake sometimes forgot she was internalizing it all. It wasn't healthy. She had to deal with this shit.
The arrival of a Friday morning spelt the departure of Renesmee Masen form the Sacred Heart Hospital. After fourteen days in hospital both of Ness and Jake were going a little stir-crazy. She couldn't wait to feel the wind on her face as they drove home. She couldn't wait to get there.
With an orderly pushing Ness down the hall, her belongings piled on her lap, the little wooden bird clutched in her hands and Jake towing the other bags, they made their way towards the elevator.
The soft ding of the opening doors brought a sincere smile to Nessie's lips. She looked up as they entered, her smile fading and her mood souring as her eyes met with the woman already standing in the corner. Her strawberry blond hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail as she lent her sketcher shoes against the mirrored metal of the box. Ness felt her excitement evaporate. Dr Aston – Lizzie.
"I heard you were headed home today," she smiled. Jake shifted uncomfortably, maneuvering himself to the far opposite corner. Ness could see his jaw working, as the orderly wheeled her into face directly towards the young doctor, making any avoidance of a conversation nearly impossible. It's not that Ness despised the woman, she seemed like a really likable person. Renesmee understood why Jacob had found her easy to talk to. She had been a friend to Jake when he was on the edge of a cliff trying not to fall over, beside himself with worry and grief. And for that, Renesmee would be eternally grateful. But she couldn't get past the way the doctor had tried to take advantage while Ness had been lying semi-conscious in recovery after surgery. It might not have been on purpose, but the doctor had crossed a line. And they all knew it. Rouge-gorge plastered her perfect smile across her face and looked up the other woman. "Yep, headed home. It's a good few hours to sit but we'll make sure my leg is elevated."
"Yeah, make sure you keep the joint straight, or at least set the brace to no more than twenty degrees." Renesmee nodded, she'd already gone through this with Dr Knight, and the physical therapist, and the nurses, but it was easier to just nod and agree.
"It's going to be so nice not to look at the four walls of this fine establishment for a change," said Ness pleasantly, making simple small talk as the doors opened and they all piled out onto the ground floor.
Jake had been silent through the whole exchange and he entered the conversation as he sat the bags by Nessie's wheelchair. "Yeah, I can't wait to just get home and sleep in our own bed," he said as he brushed his hand under Nessie's hair, over her neck. He stressed the 'our bed' in his words, sending a clear message to both girls who he wanted to lie next to. It wasn't necessary. Renesmee was actually fine with it all, Jake's love, patience and devotion over the last week, hell, over the last six months, left no doubt in her mind how committed to her he really was. And Ness was convinced Dr Aston had already got the message, crystal clear. She had come to see Renesmee a few times during her recovery but was always very distant and professional. Jake had been avoiding her like the plague. Ness had begun to think he was over doing it a bit.
"Well... I guess… have a safe journey," she mumbled. "It was nice to meet you Renesmee. Sorry it was under such terrible circumstances, but I wish you nothing but the best and a speedy recovery."
Renesmee saw the apology in her eyes. "Thanks Lizzie," she replied. "Nothing is ever going to be the same, but with this one by my side," Red Robin reached up and wrapped her arm around Jake's forearm, leaning in on it, "I'll just find something else to be the best at."
Ness smiled openly at Lizzie, and the doctor looked between both Jake and Ness, it looked like she was trying her best to hold it together. Her eyes were glassy and Ness could see her lower lip was trembling as she shoved her hands into her pockets. A little frown settled on Renesmee's brow. Surely she didn't like Jacob that much? The tension between the trio was palpable.
Nessie was trying to figure out what the hell was going on in Lizzies mind when Jake sucked in a loud breath. "Okay," he interrupted, "I'm gunna go get the car. You wanna just wait here?" Ness nodded as he leaned over and gave her a long and not-very-appropriate-in-public kiss. "I'm taking you home and I'll show you what you're best at," he whispered in her ear, his breath sending a hot shiver down her spine. The man was well and truly over doing it. But she was fine with it. Ness was telling herself she was looking forward to whatever he had planned when they finally got to lie in bed together tonight.
Trying very hard to distract herself by her mental images of Jake with his shirt off, Ness wiped a little of the saliva from her lips as she watched him run off through the large double doors to the car park.
She'd seen him jogging away from her in that same blue checked shirt before. Last time it had been pouring with rain, the only light in the sky were the flashes of lightning as the thunder had roared through her chest. Today, it wasn't raining and it was the middle of the day and now they were in a quiet hospital foyer. Ness couldn't help but remember though, the last time Jake had left her to go get a car. She tried to push it down, but the flashes of memory kept forcing their way up. A face she was trying to forget flashed into her mind.
'I came to watch you run,' he'd said.
Ness felt her eyes start to well, her chest tighten and her hands became soaked in nervous sweat. Her hand was trembling as she brought it up to her mouth, gnawing on her thumb nail.
'You look like a slut tonight whoring yourself to that stupid Indian.'
Her breathing was picking up and she was starting to feel her throat close over. It felt like that dam rope was across it again and it was twisting off her air supply.
'I'm finally taking what's mine.'
Ness was desperately trying to calm herself, she felt like such an unhinged fool spiraling into a panic attack in the middle of a hospital foyer. Dr Aston knelt down in front of her, her eyes full of concern. "Hey, Renesmee. Are you alright?"
Ness nodded, she'd forgotten the doctor was still there, her voice stuck in her throat along with her ability to breathe. She finally sucked in a gasping breath as the tears trickled down. "Sorry, it's just last time I waited for Jake to get the car…" she looked down to her braced leg and placed her hand on her swollen knee. "This happened," she said, focusing on the tangible, the physical… the knee.
"Oh, Renesmee," she said placing her hands on top of Nessie's. "I really wanted to help you through this. I just got a bit lost on the way. I can't really know what you're feeling but… I lost someone very important to me under very similar circumstances and… and… I don't know," she filtered off. "I couldn't help her and I thought I might be able to help you and Jake, and then inversely help myself. I'm sorry I blurred the professional lines. Dr Knight took me of your case. It was all getting too personal," she admitted. "In every kind of way," she whispered ashamedly.
Temporarily winning the battle with her own inner demon and firmly pushing the memories down, Ness sat up straighter and looked at the woman crouched in front of her. "I don't know what to call you. Lizzie is too personal and Dr Aston is too formal. I'm just gunna go with Dr Lizzie, if that's okay?" said Ness.
Lizzie let out a stifled laugh. "Yes, that's okay," she said as she leaned back on her heels.
"Tell me then, Dr Lizzie, how do you think you could help me? I'm fine one minute and the next, something seemingly insignificant triggers a flash back and then I'm strangled by a crazy suffocating panic attack."
"I can't help you with that, Renesmee. I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an orthopedic surgeon, and you need professional counselling to work through those issues, lots of it. I'd say Jake will too. But I know what it's like to be the relative of someone who has been attacked and violently assaulted. I treated you in the Emergency room when you first came in. Your injures were so similar to…" her head bowed down and she wiped a tear from her lid. She looked back up, facing Renesmee square on, she lifted her chin. "They were really similar to my sisters injures. Except her attacker was a random asshole who just followed her home one afternoon. He strangled her with his bare hands as he assaulted her and she didn't have a boyfriend to save her. He left her half naked body in the alleyway for a busboy to find when he took the trash out." She finished her recount, her eyes brimming as she tried unsuccessfully to blink them away.
Renesmee just sat in her chair, stunned. "Oh Lizzie, I'm so sorry about your sister. That's… God…It must be so hard to think about how horrible her last few minutes were. I can't really imagine," she didn't want to even try. She pushed it down further, burying it under what she imagined was a nuclear bunker.
"I'm not telling you this for sympathy. I just thought," she shrugged. "Maybe, it might help to know there are other people out there that have gone through the same thing. Help you realize how lucky you are that Jacob was there." She stood abruptly. "Luckier than my sister, anyway."
Ness felt this was really blurring the lines between professional and friend. "I do know how lucky I was. It's too much to explain, but, let's just say I had a pretty shitty childhood. And finding Jacob has been the single most important thing to happen to me in my life so far. I know, all too well, how lucky I am." Ness licked her lips, dry still from her earlier panic. Renesmee's eyes were turning glassy as her mind now filled with the image of the side street in Eugene she found herself in only two weeks earlier, and what might have happened if Jake hadn't heard her scream. She really wanted to shove that shit down, all the way down. God-dam bunker wasn't doing shit.
Dr Lizzie nodded then started to shake her head back and forth. "Sorry. Oh Lord. I didn't mean to burden you with that. I'm really bad a keeping a professional distance."
Ness raised her eye brows. "I noticed," she mocked, trying to smile. Ness took a deep fortifying breath, using the air held in her lungs to hold her emotions together.
"Dr Knight's going to have a fit if he finds out." She looked at Renesmee with an unspoken plea.
"Your secret is safe with me Dr Lizzie," replied Ness, too tired of fighting herself to retort anything closer to what she actually wanted to say.
"Maybe I should think about changing specialties to psychiatry?" she joshed, using her first finger to make some little circles to the side of her head like she was crazy.
"Or if Jake's praise is anything to go by, maybe you should look at becoming an intensivist?" Ness was joking a little— it took a crap load of study to become a specialist in ICU— but mostly she meant it. Blurred lines aside, she wanted the attending to know how appreciated she was.
"You did help, you know. You helped Jake. From what my family were saying he was a fucking zombie mess." Dr Aston was nodding her agreement. "He said you took the time to explain things to him. It helped. Through all of this, know that you did at least help him for those few days." Ness could see the hurt still in the young doctors' eyes and she hoped giving her a little compliment could help. "Otherwise I think he might have gone all Romeo and Juliette on me and done god knows what," she added, rolling her eyes at his tendency to jump to the worst possible conclusion.
"That is a good man you have their Renesmee," she said with seriousness.
"I know."
"Good, I hope you do. Look after him. I can see how much he loves you. Make sure you love him back at least half as much as he deserves."
Ness shifted in her seat, the good doctor was more than blurring the lines, she was erasing them out now. Red Robin had started to feel sorry for Dr Aston, but now her defenses were up. Like, right up... Like a ram rod she wanted to shove up the audacious doctors... The woman didn't know when to give it up. Rouge-gorge reeled herself in. Ness arched a single brow, giving Lizzie a challenging look. "I love him more than my own life. He is the other half of me. I don't need you to tell me how to love my life partner."
"Sorry. Professional distance problems."
"You reckon?" Renesmee had had just about enough of the woman assuming Jacob was only being trailed along by Ness or maybe she thought Ness wasn't in his league or something.
She didn't know Renesmee and she didn't really know Jacob either. Any interaction she may have seen between Jake and Ness wasn't a true representation of how good their relationship was. All Lizzie had seen was a stressed-out, faded, exhausted copy of their love for each other. The minute they got out of the hospital that would be amended. They would both relax, have the confines of the hospital lifted off them and they could really start to re-build their life together. Always together.
She was starting to wonder if the Doctor would ever go. They were just standing – or sitting— there in awkward silence. Ness sat, irritated, thinking she was probably waiting for Jake so she can tell him how in love with him she is. Ness was grinding her teeth together as she sat staring out to the glass doors, Ignoring the medic standing next to her.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, she saw Jacob walking back inside. Ness caught sight of the huge, shit-eating grin that he had pasted across his gorgeous face.
Nessie decided to forget all about the stranger standing next to her. She let it all go, sending it off in to the universe in a loud, dismissive exhale. She had enough of her own shit to deal with, she didn't need to hold on to this too. Releasing her simmering anger towards the female standing next to her, Ness simply smiled back at the love of her life as he strode up to her. "What are you smiling about?" she asked, purposefully giving her undivided attention to Jake.
"It's a surprise," he grinned back, his perfect white teeth gleaming. "You ready to go?"
"More than ready," she said with an exasperated drawl, turning to Lizzie as she stood with her crutches. "Goodbye Dr Lizzie. It was great talking to you. Thank you for all your advice too," she added, a little snarky.
"Drive safely. Goodbye Renesmee, good luck with your rehab," she said, tight lipped. Her eyes shifted to Jacobs as he carried the bags. "Bye Jake," she added quietly.
He smiled as he picked up their bags, too happy to be finally taking Ness home to hold a grudge. "Bye Dr Aston."
"Yeah," she mumbled as she turned on her heels and hunched away.
"What was that about?" asked Jake as Ness slowly limped outside.
She shook her head. "Nothing. We just had a little heart to heart while you were gone."
He chuckled at Ness's 'put up your dukes' tone. "Kind of glad I missed that."
"It was probably better you weren't there. It might have ended with some hair pulling."
"Shit. Really?"
She shrugged, dismissing the run-in. Renesmee forced herself to lift her spirits, let the last of that residual anger go. They were probably never going to see Lizzie Aston ever again and Ness didn't want to waste any more time thinking about her. Renesmee knew she loved Jake, he was her soul mate. Everything they'd been through had only brought them closer together, the bond of trust forged in blood, sweat and tears: plus, some black spray paint, charred ashes of a fire, and a dozen other unwanted 'gifts' including a busted knee and the flash backs to go with it.
She loved Jacob so much, her heart ached at how full of love it was. Ness just shook her head again, Lizzie nothing but a memory, "Let's not worry about her any more. All that matters are you and me. And being together."
"And going home," he smiled, his eye browns wiggling before he added cryptically, "in style."
Ness took a few more strides and stopped at the curb looking for the car. Jake was grinning that incredible shining smile again. "Surprise!" he said motioning to the shiny black sports car in front of her. Ness just gawked at him, confused "This is how we're getting back home."
"Did you steal a car Jacob?"
"No, you dork, I hired it."
"We can't afford the hire something like this!"
"Yes we can. Embry put me on to it. These smaller luxury companies get people to drive the cars back to their original area and it only costs a fraction of the price! Isn't it beautiful?" he asked as he ran his hand along the trunk to open it.
"Are we going to even fit our bags in there Jake?"
He gave her a dismissive wave of his hand. "It's an M6 , Ness, we'll find a way." He called her over like a kid in a toy shop showing a parent what they wanted for their birthday, "Come and have a look."
She swung a few steps to the car, she had to admit it was an incredibly sexy vehicle. All shiny and compact, the leather seats looked like they would hold you in as the car cornered easily around tight bends. She knew Jake was going to love seeing what it could do on the highway.
Jacob moved to the passenger door and opened it for Ness. "Your chariot, my lady," he said with allocution as he gestured in a sweeping arc for her to follow. He really was like a little kid. She smiled at his act of chivalry, and she shifted the crutches to one arm and hopped the few feet to the car, trying to lower herself elegantly, her eyes on Jake's as she playfully batted her eyelids. It wasn't as graceful as she'd hoped. The car was so low to the ground that, as she lowered herself backwards, her leg –weakened from disuse—gave way so that her butt fell heavily into the seat, a loud "oomph" rushing involuntarily out her lips.
"Such a lady," he laughed noisily. She glowered at him and hoisted her leg into the cabin, her ears coloring a light pink.
Red robin crossed her arms in front of her in a pout, she was trying to at least act at being shitty at him for laughing at her. She was such a pansy, she couldn't even pretend. That damn smile, it got her every time. Her lips, which were pursed into a pout, began to twitch, then gradually spread into a smile as she started to laugh at herself. Jake was so happy; his enthusiasm was contagions.
"You shouldn't laugh at a cripple when they fall," she giggled. "It's rude."
He leaned over to her placing a firm kiss on her smiling lips. "You love me any way," he said, not apologizing for his amusement.
"Just get the bags, you ass," muttered Ness, her cheeks now a bright pink.
Renesmee twisted in her seat as she watched Jake pile the bags into the trunk. Then he came to the driver's side and pushed another bag into the back seat. "Told you I'd make everything fit," he said as he lowered himself into the drivers seat, closing the door. He started the engine and turned to Nessie. "Let's go home," he smiled.
She nodded, biting into her bottom lip as she grinned. "Let's."