From: LTS
To: Shepard

I know you would not do what you did without a reason Faith.

I am here for you.

Liara

'No tests on anything capable of calculus. Simple rule. Never broke it.'

Please, make it stop!

He could do calculus... he just couldn't tie his own shoelaces...

Mordin continued to rattle off facts about human genetic diversity, and she vaguely heard herself prompting further information; what was going on here, possible reasons, anything.

But her thoughts were elsewhere.

Faith Shepard had seen some horrible things in her life. Ever since her home had been attacked by slavers... her parents butchered, her friends and sisters kidnapped, life had been blood, pain and horror. Her superiors routinely sent her to the worst pits of the galaxy, to face the horrors other soldiers would not, without caring how it affected her. Seeing your parents lying in pools of their own blood had a way of deadening a person.

But something about that... that simple man, barely a boy really, strapped up, tubes forced down his throat, eyes stapled open, wires dug into his skin, the wounds still bleeding...

Quiet! Please, make it stop!

Batarians were usually the worst. Something about the deadness in their slaves' eyes, the few times they were actually rescued alive, terrified Faith. There was nothing there. They were treated like meat, and came to accept themselves as such. Their masters argued on a galactic stage that it was their "culture", and it made her sick. She had no qualms putting the horrible creatures down. They looked like monsters, they acted like monsters. There was no moral quandary there.

Her allies were struggling to keep up with her. Anger pounded through her, and since she couldn't direct it at the one who deserved it, she tore the Blood Pack apart, dissolving vorcha with her shotgun, gutting krogan in close quarters with her omni-blade, snapping the necks of varren with her boot.

They were all part of this horror.

She had been forced to re-evaluate her opinions as she finally reached the core of Project Overlord.

That her species, her employers no less, could do this to somebody... the project lead's own brother... unable to even look after himself...

Are we even worth saving?

'Never killed with medicine.' Mordin sounded outraged at the suggestion his work caused death.

'Say that to the piles of stillborns.' It was unfair to take it out on Mordin. His work saved lives, she knew. She knew the genophage was necessary.

'You had better have a damned good reason for this.'

She knew he did. She saw David controlling the geth. Not just the temporary hacking Tali could sometimes pull off... controlling them.

How many millions, billions of lives could be saved if they could avoid war with the geth when the Reapers came?

How many more could be saved by using them as front line troops, bending the machines to their will, rather than sending soldiers to die?

The cost would not be so high, in the grand scheme of things.

Please, make it stop!

'Dead krogan. Female. Tumours indicate experimentation. No restraint marks. Volunteer.'

Volunteer...

The genophage drove the krogan to this. Sacrificing themselves to horrific experiments because they had no hope, no future.

It became difficult, to see right and wrong, in times like this. The human corpses dumped outside the hospital... no problem there. But this?

'Rest, young mother. Find your gods. Find someplace better.'

They were all dead, in the end.

That might have made the choice easier.

One life lost, countless saved.

But he wasn't dead. He was hooked up to that nightmarish contraption, looking down...

Look at him!

She looked up, and saw him gazing down at her. Tears were running down his cheeks, from eyes unable to blink them back.

There was hope there, that she could end the torment he did not understand.

Please, make it stop!

Swallowing back the bile, she turned back to Doctor Archer, trying not to imagine... anything. Anything other than the lives that would be saved. 'Did anything useful come out of this?'

He looked just as sick, as torn, as she felt. Was it worse, that he was a man with some semblance of a conscience, rather than a cold, monstrous scientist? 'Yes. We have proven the geth can be controlled. With time, we will be able to manipulate this control.' He looked up at his brother, splayed out in a perversity of the crucifixion, the sacrifice her mother taught her about. 'Perhaps... perhaps even remove the need to use David.' He sounded resigned. He did not believe that David would ever be free from this.

'Maelon. Alive. Unharmed. No sign of restraint, no evidence of torture. Don't understand.' Mordin sounded genuinely baffled, when for the first time Shepard could see clearly what the scientist could not.

'He's here voluntarily.'

The weight of it all was crushing. Why was she the one who had to choose? She was nobody special - an orphan, in the right place at the right time often enough to be forged into something useful, for the Alliance, the Council, Cerberus.

What made her any more qualified than anybody else to make these kind of decisions?

She pulled Mordin's enormous M-6 Carnifex from his grasp as it was shoved into Maelon's face. 'You're not a murderer, Mordin.'

His amphibian features frowned, before relaxing in relief. 'No, not a murderer. Thank you, Shepard.'

She hefted Mordin's weapon, pushing past the salarian who realised her intent just a second too late. She jammed it into Maelon's chin and squeezed the trigger. The heavy calibre shot blew his head into pieces off, splattering vivid green blood across the nearby consoles, across the face plate of her helmet. She wondered if she should feel something at the action. 'He would never have stopped, he would have just found another clan to experiment on.' Maelon... just another one in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It wasn't even him she was imagining shooting.

'Grab the data, no point letting anything go to waste. Move out.'

'He'll be a lab rat, forever.'

'But a well cared for, lab rat.'

She forced herself to look up into David's innocent, pleading gaze. Condemning one man, who could barely understand what was happening to him, to a life of pain and agony, to save millions? She would not see him as the lab rat his brother did. She would see him for what he was, for as long as she lived.

'Keep him. Send all findings to me as well as the Illusive Man.'

That shot should have been aimed at herself.

Things were busier at work, without Nyxeris.

Whatever her ulterior motives, the woman was incredibly efficient and diligent at her job, and Liara found herself spending more and more time on administration rather than with her networks with her gone.

I need a new assistant...

It would take some time, though, to vet the applications she had received. Nyxeris' application, references and even the repeated, deep checks she had performed came back clean, and she could not be so lax again.

She was looking over yet another one when her door slid open, startling her. She practically jumped out of her chair, beginning to reel off her standard business welcome, eyeing up her calendar; no appointments; before actually looking at her guest.

'Welcome to T'Soni- Shiala! It is good to see you, my friend!'

She looked a lot better than the last time they had met. Her colour had improved somewhat, and her eyes had more of a sparkle. With any luck Baria Frontiers' experiments were the cause, not to mention the man she had been seeing on Feros...

'Liara, it is good to see you too.'

Liara's joviality disappeared. Shiala might look healthier, but her voice was raspier, and tinted with an exhaustion she could only guess at.

'What is wrong, Shiala?' she crossed to her friend, concerned. 'Is there something I can help with?'

The asari, still green tinged, said sadly: 'I'm not sure, Liara. Baria Frontiers have done a wonderful job with the colonists; their sickness has dissipated and they are actually finding some benefits to the side effects that have been left over; for example they are able to sense each other, in a manner not dissimilar to the joining. It is much weaker, but it allows us to sense each other's positions, moods and so on...

'I apologise, that is not what the problem is. The problem is actually with me. As you can see, they have not been as successful in treating me.'

Liara frowned. 'Is it because you are asari? Are they... treating you differently?'

Shiala shook her head. 'Oh no, they have been very courteous to all of us. Well, until their treatments were not working on me. That is when I found out about a clause in the contract... it allows them to perform... invasive tests. You... I know you warned me to have a lawyer look over it, but we are not a rich community, Liara.'

'Oh, Shiala, you should have said something... I would have helped!'

'I couldn't do that, Liara, you have already done so much for us! Anyway, it is done. I... they cannot force me as such, but if I do not acquiesce they can force us to pay for the whole treatment. I do not know what to do, Liara! I have found something of a place at Zhu's Hope, I cannot simply let them pay for this, after all I was part of in destroying most of the colony!'

Shiala sat down and dropped her head into her hands. Liara sat beside her, and placed a supportive hand on her friend's shoulder.

'But... that's not the worst of it, Liara. It's always possible to get money, or maybe even to convince somebody at Baria to change the contract. But... they suspect that I am different, because of what happened with Sovereign, with the indoctrination. They actually believed me when I told them about it; I guess what happened with the Thorian opened their minds to the possibility. But they say that with my help they can understand it, that what happened with the Thorian... might be the key to helping other people like me!

'Goddess Liara, I just don't know what to do! I don't even know if I trust this company... they could just be saying that... taking the knowledge of indoctrination for themselves... but what if they are telling the truth? What if they could help indoctrinated people; when the Reapers arrive it could save so many lives!'

'I...' Liara's protests stopped short, for much the same reasons Shiala was tormented. What did Shiala want from her: reassurance? Guidance in what path to choose?

Goddess, was this what Faith felt like, when people came to her, asking for assistance, when the stakes were this high?

She tried to delay the decision with an idle question, barely hearing herself ask it. 'Do... you know what kind of procedures they would be?'

Shiala looked to the floor.

'I came straight here after my first "round".' She took a deep breath. 'They wanted more blood and... tissue... samples, but...'

Liara looked up, recognising the horror in the tone of voice.

'They had an asari... meld with me... try to figure out what... what had happened to my brain...'

Liara's eyes widened, and she began to tremble.

Nyxeris...

'I... I let her in, as much as I could, but the brain resists these kind of things, Liara!' Shiala shuddered. 'It was horrible, and even... even when I cried out she... she didn't stop, she apologised afterwards, but... Goddess... they want to do it again... I don't know if I can!'

She looked up at Liara, pleading.

'I don't know what to do, Liara! I don't know if I can... stand that, again! What can I do?!'

Why must she ask me!? I cannot be objective in this... not after what happened...

But... to actually understand, reverse indoctrination... my mother could have been saved with this knowledge, how many other daughters could I save the agony of...

What was she thinking?

She would recommend her friend, be violated in that way?

And if it saves lives? Wins the whole Reaper war? You heard Vigil on Ilos... indoctrinated agents were such a threat...

'Goddess, Shiala, I am so sorry... I do not know what to say'

Coward...

How does Faith do this?

Shiala looked so disappointed, heartbroken, that the responsibility she had hoped to abdicate remained her own. 'T... thanks for your time, Liara, I'll speak to you later.'

She stood and left, not looking back.

Coward...

A/N: Thanks to Jay8008 for beta reading.