25.

Lips wandered up his shoulder blade, hair tickled his nape, fingers ghosted on his side… Haymitch's eyes fluttered opened, a smirk already on his lips.

"Forgot how much I like waking up like that." he mumbled sleepily.

She chuckled against his back, her hand leaving his side to roam on his backside. "I am all sore."

He could imagine. His own body was screaming in protest and he didn't think it had anything to do with the previous night's gala or the weeks of training she had forced him through. There were worse things than having sore muscles because of sex though and he simply rolled on his back, watching her in the semi-darkness. The sheets were pooling around her waist, she had propped her head on her hand, her hair was a mess and there was a small pout on her lips that was begging to be kissed. Her fingers danced over his hip and on to parts of him that were quickly responding to her touch.

"Still up at the crack of dawn." he accused, not exactly protesting.

"I booked the rink for training this morning." she hummed. "We can't lose half a day of training and the flight isn't until three thirty."

He looped an arm around her waist, tugging her closer. "Tell Mags to take up the training. I coached Finnick. She owes us one. She can take the kids with hers."

"That's an idea…" she grinned. "But what will we do, I wonder?"

"'Got a few ideas, Princess." he chuckled, pulling her over his chest, guiding her leg over his hip and leaning in to kiss her at the same time. He didn't know what was turning him on more: the dirty way she used her tongue when they kissed or the slow rotation of her hips…

The shrill ringing of her phone startled them both and she glanced in the direction where her purse had been tossed the previous night. He placed a hand on her cheek and nudged her head back down, in a moment they were kissing again. The ringing stopped and her hips became more insistent, his own hands wandered up and down her back, eventually looping around her thighs…

Her phone rang for the second time and she broke the kiss, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Ignore it." he demanded.

"It could be the children." she argued.

"The kids know where we are." He rolled his eyes. "If they need us, they will come knocking. And Peeta's clever so they will make themselves scarce until we go get them first."

Her phone stopped ringing but only for a second, then it started again in earnest. And his own phone echoed it from the jeans he had discarded the previous day.

"Okay." he admitted. "That's weird."

She climbed off him and wandered to her purse, still naked – and he appreciated the view – crouching to rummage around until she found her phone.

"All missed calls are from Finnick." she told him, wandering back to the bed, picking up his own phone on her way. "Yours is from Johanna."

He checked the time and shrugged. "Must have finished their jog and want to get together for breakfast." He wrapped his arm around her waist when she sat on the edge of the mattress. "Come back to bed."

"In a moment." she said, her voice a little strained. "Let me…" She was calling back before he could tell her to let it go. He sat up, pressing his mouth against her back, nibbling on some spots, leaving reddish marks and stubble burn in his wake. She didn't react. "Finnick? Yes, I was…"

There was a short bout of silence and he let his hand wander to her front, he played with her breasts in the way she liked but she covered his hand with hers and they fell in her lap. Her breathing quickened but it had nothing to do with arousal. She had gone rigid.

He kissed her neck, hoping to get a reaction. "Effie?"

"Of course." she said eventually, in answer to Finnick. "No, I will be right here. I will be right here, don't… I will take care of it. There will be paperwork and we will need to plan for… I will take care of it, do not worry. I will be right here."

The call disconnected but he couldn't tell if it was Effie or Finnick who had hung up.

"Paperwork for what?" he asked. "You're doing their PR now?"

He waited for her to lean against his chest but she remained sitting with her back straight, tension radiating from her in waves.

"Mags is dead." she whispered.

The words made no sense and he scoffed, instinctively recoiling away from her. "Bullshit. She was fine last night. They're playing a fucking sick joke on you."

"Finnick found her this morning when she wasn't on time to send them on their jog." she explained, her voice completely detached, flat. "He called a doctor but… They think it was another stroke. It happened in her sleep. She didn't suffer."

"She was fine last night." he snapped.

"And now she is dead." she countered in the same flat voice, standing up to grab some clothes from her suitcase. "She is at the morgue now. We can't leave her there, of course. It is… We can't leave her there. There are papers to fill… We need to organize. She would like to be buried in her hometown, wouldn't she? By the sea. She loves the sea. There are papers somewhere… I know she left plans with her lawyer for me in case something like this happens. She made me sign a lot of papers after her last stroke… Everything is with her lawyer and his number is somewhere in my phone… I need to call him. Annie is having a nervous breakdown and Johanna is no help… I told Finnick I would come to take care of things. I need to call the lawyer. I can't remember his name…" He watched her pulling on panties and black slacks, stunned into silence. "You will need to take care of the children. I booked the rink under my name… Tell them to call me if they don't want to let you use it. I will keep my phone… I need to call the lawyer anyway."

"I'm not training the kids." he heard himself say.

"We can't afford to lose a day." she argued, putting on a black bra and a white woolen sweater. It showed. It was probably telling she was even doing something like that because he was sure she would never have put a black bra under a white sweater on purpose.

"Mags's dead." he repeated, the words foreign in his mouth. "I'm not training the kids."

She froze, her hair pulled up in her hand, the hair tie stretched between her fingers, ready to secure the ponytail in place…

"Mags is dead." she echoed.

It sounded just as absurd in her mouth.

"Mags's dead." he said again and it didn't make any more sense.

°O°

Mags opened her door with a puzzled expression that soon turned into a worried frown. "How is she doing?"

Haymitch shrugged and walked in his trainer's apartment when she stepped aside. His eyes were burning and he could have killed someone for a shower but going back to their room was more than he could take.

"Cried herself to sleep." he mumbled. "The dragon called. Didn't help."

He dropped on the small couch – everything was small in Japan – his eyes going to the CNN news the TV was displaying in a low background noise. It was all about the winter Olympics.

The silver medal was still around his neck. It felt heavy and out of place but he hadn't found time to take it off yet. He had been too busy standing there helpless while Effie was having a complete breakdown, not accusing him but not quite saying their loss wasn't solely his fault. He had drank before going to the rink and it might only have been a sip, it might not have affected their performance but she would never forget and she would never forgive. And perhaps he was glad for that alcohol excuse because… Maybe he was simply not good enough to match her.

She was amazing. She was talented. She could do so much… And at the end of the day he was just a hockey player turned figure skater. He couldn't match her. He wasn't pushing her higher, he was dragging her down.

And his own dreams weren't matching her ambition.

He was a simple guy with simple needs.

She wanted the world on a golden tray.

He wanted her, a nice life made of laughter, love and maybe, eventually, if he could go past his apprehensions he would like kids, he wanted the competitions too but he wanted her first.

"How are you doing, boy?" Mags frowned. "Silver is good. You two are still young. In four years…"

"She'll get her gold in four years." he cut her off. He believed it with everything he had. "Just not with me."

"Haymitch." she sighed, taking a seat on the couch.

He wondered if she had seen this coming. He wondered if it had been obvious for everyone but him. Elindra had never made a secret of how she felt about them, Tadius had been polite and nice but never openly welcoming, Chaff had expressed concerns sometimes… He wondered if they had been doomed from the start and he had just not wanted to see it.

"I wanted to tell you first." he said, his voice detached. "I'm leaving."

"Do not be an idiot, boy." She shook her head. "A loss doesn't end a career. This is not the end of…"

"It's not about my career." he scoffed. "Hell, it's not even about… Look, she wants an Olympic title."

"Of course, she does. So do you." Mags shrugged. "So do I for that matter. And we will all get it in due time."

"No…" he scowled, averting his eyes. "You don't get what I'm saying. She wants a title. That's what she wants in life. That's…" He clenched his jaw. "That's not what I want."

"Haymitch, you are being an idiot." she declared.

"She loves the sport more than she loves me." he muttered anyway. "It's fine, I guess. I always knew… She's driven, I like that, but… Look, I can't be second best. And she deserves more. She deserves to get her dream and she can't do that with me dragging her down." He licked his lips, trying to ignore the hole in his chest. "I'm leaving tomorrow after the gala. Clean break, it'll be easier. I'll tell her in the morning, I just wanted to let you know first."

"That will be the biggest mistake of your life." Mags warned. "You will regret this."

"She deserves…" he insisted.

"What do you deserve, boy?" she snapped. "Because I'm telling you, that girl is your one in a million. You don't waste that."

"I'm not wasting it." he argued. "I'm doing what's best for her. I'm doing what she will never have the guts to do. I'm taking myself out of the picture so she can be as great as she wants to be. And don't turn this into some selfless romantic gesture… I'm also doing this so we don't wake up in ten years like her mom and her dad. I never want to resent her and I don't want her to resent me. We won't work, Mags. We won't…" His voice broke and he turned his head away. "Don't tell her any of this. Ever. She'll never let go if she knows… Let her hate me. Easier all around."

She pursed her lips in disapproval. "Easier for whom? I can guarantee it won't be easier for her. She loves you, Haymitch, and you love her. Do not be an idiot."

"I was being an idiot when I let her in." he chuckled bitterly. "Should have kept my distance. Should have…" He closed his eyes. "I'm doing what's best for her."

"You are taking the coward's way out." she argued. "And you are better than this, boy."

"Rule one." he whispered, rubbing his face with his hand. It was ridiculous but he couldn't stop thinking about Casablanca. It was so deeply linked to what they had shared in Paris… And they had been so happy in Paris… He couldn't stop thinking about how many times he had criticized Bogart, had called him a coward and an idiot for letting the love of his life go. Well. It seemed like Bogart had a point after all. And Effie too probably. There was no greatest proof of love than leaving the one you loved because you knew it was the best thing for them. "Can I crash on your couch? I don't want… I can't go back in there tonight."

Mags stared at him. "She needs you."

"She needs space." he countered. "She doesn't want me in there. She can't even look at me. I let her down."

"There were two of you on that rink. And she wasn't one hundred percent in that performance either." she stated. "If anything, losing was team work."

He shrugged. "She still doesn't need me."

"But you need her." she sighed, clearly infuriated with him. "It is alright for you to need her."

"Need to learn not to, right?" he snorted without any amusement.

"You won't leave." Mags declared, standing up and patting his shoulder on her way to her bedroom. "You love her too much, you won't leave her."

She sounded so confident…

It was because he loved her too much that he would leave her.

He was trying to do the right thing.

For her.

For them.

°O°

Effie paced back and forth in front of the nondescript building, her black heels hitting the sidewalk with brutality. It was a hot day and she was slowly cooking in her black outfit, she was at the end of her tether and she felt as if she hadn't taken a proper breath in days – which was the case.

She had sent Haymitch and the children back to Aspen and she had followed Finnick, Johanna and Annie back to the west coast with Mags' body. There were too many things to organize and take care of, things Finnick wasn't in any state to do. There was Annie to look after and Jo to watch like a hawk, lawyers to call, banks to notify, obituaries to be sent… She had planned those funerals from start to finish, burying herself in the organization to better hide from her grief but now…

She punched his name on her phone's screen with her thumb for the third time and waited for the call to go through. She had no real idea about how Haymitch had been dealing for the past week. They had called and texted, she had talked to Peeta and Katniss who had nothing special to report about their coach's behavior – he jogged with them in the morning and he hit the gym too, was all that Peeta had to say about him. He exhausted himself, she understood, it was his default coping mechanism to grief when liquor wasn't available.

She was worried about him. She was worried Mags' death would trigger back memories of his family's death and she wouldn't be there to help him through it but at the same time she selfishly wished he would be there for her because she had never gone through something that personal, that…

The call, like the two previous ones, went straight to voicemail.

"Where are you?" she snapped "The children arrived hours ago. They have no idea where you are, no idea…"

"I'm here, stop shouting."

She turned around and there he was, in a creased black suit, with a crooked tie, bloodshot eyes and hair all over the place. She crossed the distance between them before she could even think about getting mad.

"I thought you would miss the service!" she exclaimed with relief, locking her arms around his neck, relieved when he wrapped his around her. She finally felt grounded. She had missed him. She had missed him so much. "Where were you ? The children said you left them at the airport without so much as an explanation and…"

"I had to go home for a bit." he sighed. "Needed to fetch something. Mags said something in Paris… Never mind that now." He shrugged. "I'm here."

"Home?" she repeated, puzzled. "But you had just left home. Did you forget something or…" She stopped abruptly when she realized home didn't mean Aspen. "You went to Richmond?"

"I caught two planes and I had to rent a fucking car to be on time." he mumbled. "Drop it, sweetheart. I'm here, that's what counts."

"Did you drink?" she frowned, leaning back to look at him but not breaking the hug. "I won't pretend I won't be mad if you did but given the circumstances, I can understand."

He rolled his eyes. "I didn't drink." His grey eyes studied her, too intense. "You thought I had taken off."

"I didn't know where you were." she replied defensively. "I didn't know if… I didn't know if you would come back. I couldn't reach you."

"My phone died." he sighed. "Didn't have a charger."

She wasn't entirely satisfied with that but she let it rest, stepping back to turn to the building's entrance. "We should go. It will begin soon."

He wrapped his fingers around her wrist before she could go far, holding her back. He waited until she looked at him to speak. "I'm not taking off again, Effie. I'm here to stay."

She relaxed and nodded, briefly leaning against him. "I missed you."

"Yeah." he breathed out. "Me too." It didn't make her feel better but, to be fair, few things would have given the circumstances. "How are the kids holding up?"

She shook her head. "Annie is a mess. Finnick is doing his best to keep up a front, and Johanna… Johanna is in full anger mode. She is lashing out, don't mind anything she says, she is simply hurting."

"Sounds fun." he mumbled.

The service went well and it was beautiful. There were a lot of people, a few people talked about Mags, a lot of people cried… It took everything Effie had to keep it together. The arm Haymitch stretched on the back of the bench behind her didn't help. It was meant as comforting, she knew that, but it encouraged her to let go, to lean against him and let him carry her grief and she couldn't do that.

She needed to be strong for Finnick, Annie and Johanna.

The actual burial was almost her undoing though.

Haymitch and Johanna hated every second of it, she could tell, both of them kept shuffling on their feet on either side of her. Watching the coffin being lowered in the ground… Throwing flowers…

"I hate fucking white roses." Haymitch muttered to her afterwards, as they got ready to leave for the wake that would take place at Mags' house.

The wake itself was unbearable. So many people wanted to offer their condolences, hug her or pledge their support… Haymitch and Johanna disappeared early enough and when they eventually wandered back, they reeked of cigarette smoke. She tossed a disapproving glance at Haymitch but he simply shrugged. "Don't look at me. You know I hate the stuff."

"Jo…" She clicked her tongue. "You are an athlete. You know…"

"Not my mom." Johanna reminded her in a snarl. "Mind your own fucking business."

"Effie, I'm going to take Annie back to our apartment." Finnick cut in before she could answer. "You can deal alone here, yes?"

She opened and closed her mouth but before she could nod or agree, Johanna was sneering that if Finnick was allowed to slip away then she was taking off too, they started bickering, Haymitch cut in with unhelpful sarcastic comments, and she could see Annie, rocking on the balls of her feet right behind them and it was just… too much.

"Enough!" she snapped, loud enough that several heads turned in their direction and most of the discussions in the living-room died. She flushed crimson, embarrassed by her own outburst. She muttered an apology but thank god it also spurred people into action. Plutarch and Peeta took a hint and started herding everyone out.

The last one to leave was Plutarch. "I will see all of you in Canada." he offered, after a few last anecdotes about Mags that were just painful to sit through. No one but her even tried.

"Sure." Jo drawled out as soon as he was out the door and it was only the seven of them. "Canada."

The young woman dropped on the couch, imitated by Annie and Finnick. Katniss perched herself on the armrest of an armchair, clearly having been feeling out of place since the beginning of the day. Effie appreciated that she had come to the funeral. She knew the girl would have rather remained in Aspen to train – truth be told, Effie would have offered for them to stay in Aspen and train but Peeta had assumed she wanted them there and since Haymitch was coming anyway…

"You are still going to Canada." Effie declared firmly, gathering dirty plates and glasses, eager to escape the house where too many memories and mementoes made her think about Mags. It was suffocating.

She wasn't impatient to tackle the task of emptying the house and sorting through everything and she was somehow certain she would get roped into doing it for the children.

Mags had left the house to Finnick, Annie and Johanna but Effie had already told Finnick she was bringing the poster in the upstairs corridor back to Aspen with her. It was a huge black and white reproduction of a picture of Haymitch and her on the rink. Mags loved that poster. Effie wanted it.

"Yeah?" Johanna scoffed. "You think? How?"

"We have no trainer and no manager." Finnick added, more subdue. He was petting Annie's hair who seemed calmer now that there were not so many people around. "We have no one to represent us."

Haymitch flopped in the armchair Katniss was using as a perch. Effie felt his eyes on her, insistent and inquiring all at once. She didn't look at him. She looked at the girl who was toying with her dark braid and the boy who was going out of his way to help her by piling dirty dishes. They had a duty to those children. She had a duty to those children.

But she also had a duty to Mags.

And, to some extent, to Finnick and Johanna.

"Do not be ridiculous." she huffed. "Of course, you have a trainer."

The entire room seemed to freeze. Except for Haymitch. Haymitch simply watched her with a blank face, absolutely not surprised, turning the golden bangle around his wrist distractedly.

"You're coming to Aspen." he said eventually when the silence stretched a little too long. "Annie too."

"You can't represent us all, can you?" Peeta frowned. "I mean… Is that legal?"

"I honestly have no idea." Effie confessed. "I would need to look it up but if it comes down to that I will represent Finnick and Johanna, you and Katniss will compete under Haymitch's name."

"You're jumping ships." Katniss accused.

"I… No." she frowned. "Katniss…"

"We can all be a team." Finnick cut in. "I mean…" He sounded a bit unsure, looking from Peeta to Katniss. "We're mostly ready. All we need is to rehearse and someone to handle… Well, us. Talk to sponsors and journalists, organize everything…"

"Yes, you need Effie. We got that." Katniss sulked. "But we were there first. I'm the one who had the idea to get her."

"And there you were, swearing you had nothing to do with that…" Haymitch snorted, rolling his eyes and swatting her thigh once. "Stop it already, sweetheart. It's not going to impact on your training, you're not the ones changing coaches three weeks before the Championships."

"But we will have to share you." the girl argued. "You and Effie. And Effie already has her hands full with representing us. She always complains about having to phone someone or other…"

Effie rubbed her forehead. "If you would prefer a clear separation then… By all means, we can make it official. Nothing forces you all to train together. I will handle Finnick and Johanna, and Haymitch can take care of you…"

"Haymitch is useless at PR." Katniss retorted.

"So good to feel loved." Haymitch scorned. "Fine, then. I'll take Finnick and Jo. Effie will keep training with you."

"That's not what I meant." the girl scowled. "Peeta and I want you together."

"So what do you want to do then?" Peeta asked, a tad ironically. "You want to leave Finnick and Jo to look for another coach? You want them to forfeit? Right after they just lost someone very important to them?"

Katniss opened her mouth and immediately closed it, dropping her eyes with a slight flush. "No… Obviously not."

"Are we done fighting over Mommy and Daddy then?" Jo spat. "'Cause I'm not going to Aspen."

"You are going to Aspen." Finnick replied.

"Why?" Johanna snarled. "So you can live your dream of having Fire and Ice coach you?"

"No." her partner snapped. "Because that was what Mags would want. Why do you think Effie is doing this?"

"I can help Effie." Annie offered before the argument could escalate. "I used to help Mags. Like an assistant."

"Of course, dear." Effie smiled. "That would be most appreciated."

She waited for more objections but none came.

They finished to clean and tidy everything in a friendly silence often interrupted by comments or chitchat. Johanna and Katniss started bickering at some point, it made Effie's head buzz with a disagreeable headache but it was normal behavior for the girls and she was happy to see Jo acting like her usual self so she kept her peace.

She was relieved when Johanna offered to give Peeta and Katniss a tour – even if it was more an excuse to get out of there than politeness on her part – and when Finnick and Annie left for their apartment. She didn't last five more minutes before locking the house and starting to walk away, barely aware that Haymitch was following her, hands in his pockets and a small scowl on his face.

It wasn't long until they reached the pier and the beach that went on for miles. They wandered on the wooden planks stretching over the water, her heels drumming an erratic soundtrack to what felt more and more like a flight. She went all the way to the end of the pier, briefly leaning against the wooden railing.

There were a few people around laughing, taking pictures, enjoying the view…

It wasn't until Haymitch leaned against the railing next to her, turning his back on the spectacular sight of the ocean, that she realized her sight was blurred by tears.

"How are you doing, Princess?" he asked.

"How are you doing?" she retorted.

"Not good." he offered honestly, his eyes trained on the group of teenagers sitting on one of the benches placed at regular points of the pier. They were loud and careless and she felt like it had been a lifetime since she was like that. "I want a drink. Been craving it since that morning."

"But you haven't drunk." she pressed. He had said he hadn't.

"No." he shrugged. "Got my reminder that I've got important things waiting."

He pulled up the sleeve of his jacket a little, showing her the golden bangle.

"Well…" she chuckled. "At least I didn't buy it for naught."

"Yeah." he snorted. "I guess so. You're going to answer my question at some point?"

"The children need me." she whispered. It was an answer like another.

"They're not here." he pointed out. "It's just you and me, here."

"You need me." she added, hastily brushing away the tear that had just escaped her.

"Yeah, I do." he admitted plainly. "But it's okay for you to need me too. Two way street."

She closed her eyes, hating the fact that they were in public and that she could feel her composure slipping with every passing second. Going back to the house to have her breakdown wasn't an option though. That house… She didn't want to go back to the house in the near future. The loss was too fresh, too raw.

She leaned against his chest, burying her face in his shoulder and trying hard to swallow back the tears.

"It's okay, sweetheart…" he whispered against her ear, cradling the back of her head in his hand. "Just let it out."

She did, muffling her sobs against his shoulder. Crying in silence was second nature. Elindra had never accepted tears.

Eyes bright, chin up, smile on.

However, never mind how many times she repeated her mother's favorite motto, it was overpowered by the memory of a gentler voice, a warm motherly one.

Good job, girl. You made me proud.

You hate me now, right? haha. Sorry. Hey, it's the Hunger Games! Well sort of. Don't hate me. I love you.

Only three chapters left!