P O V: Haley's

Brooke stared at me as I sat on her bed her eyes were wide in what fear, shame, pain. I don't really know I took her hand which was small cold her nails gleamed in the brilliant purple and sliver that Quinn had painted them. She didn't look like the Brooke she had last week the cancer had already ripped away her healthy glow now her skin was pale sweaty, her lips held a blueish cast from her struggle to breathe, her eyes were sunken in, dark circles red rimmed blood shot.

"Brooke I forgive you, you need to forgive yourself I'm not saying I will forget what you did to me how you made me feel, what I will do is stand by you, help you but you have to help yourself" "I don't deserve your forgiveness Haley, I'm not worth it" "Yes you do Brooke you did some awful things your not an awful person, you didn't mass murder anyone, rape anyone" I saw her flinch as I said the words rape which made me curious if she had ever been sexually abused as Dr. Scott hinted at it "I beat you up Haley I made you feel small I tore you down, I laughed at your pain" "Now make it up to me Brooke Davis" "How?" "Live, fight, believe, laugh and love but live"

She stared at me hard so I moved closer to her wrapping my arm over her shoulder. "Brooke let me be a friend to you, you don't seem to have many" She wanted to protest but I spoke faster. "Your popular I get it but no offense have any of your team mates other than Quinn and Peyton even been here?" She looked at me she couldn't say anything "True friends don't run when the going gets tough Brooke, they stand by each other they fight with each other for each other sometimes with each other"

"You'll need someone here you can count on let me be that person you don't want to tell Peyton fine, you need to have someone besides Nathan. I mean he's cute he's funny but he's a guy he can't understand what it's like to be a girl, I can I do, I am a girl so stop acting like a bad ass touch cookie, even the toughest cookies crumble, but if you're good I'll give you some milk to soak the crumbs up"

She laughed hitting my arm but I could see the sadness in her eyes "I know you miss Peyton, I know you feel like everyone has left you, what you need to know is that what happened to you as a kid it is not your fault, you didn't deserve the way your parents treated you" "You didn't deserve the way I treated you Haley" "No I didn't but I'm okay" She laid her head down on my shoulder, I felt her breathing start to relax as I ran my hand through her hair. That's when I saw the bag sitting on her counter reaching for it I saw it had Peyton's name across the front. Opening it I pulled out a note along with an ipod preloaded with a playlist. Opening the letter I watched her eyes following me taking a drink from her cup, I started to read the letter.

"B. Davis you know I love you I have since we were nine you my dear one are the sweetest funniest kind hearted sassiest of girls I have ever known.

"I hate seeing you hurt or sick I wish I could change things for you. I know I can't I want so bad to be there for you the way you have always been for me. My dad is being a total prick though he says you're a bad influence on me lol oh how true is that...if only he knew but I love you anyway my little bad ass bitch.

"You know Ellie is sick you also know how much I have always wanted to know my adoptive mom ever since I found out I was adopted. It's because of you that I have learned to open my heart to this idea to being brave strong like you are, so I am going to go with Ellie for a month or so I need to get to know her, I want to, I deserve that, I hate leaving you though Brooke without knowing what is going on.

"So please keep in contact with me talk to me tell me the truth, don't shut me out for my own good. I know you want to. In case you need reminding how much I love you I made a playlist for you every song on it holds a special memory of you and I. Even those god awful Britney songs."

"Oh my god Brooke she hates Britney!?" "Yea with a passion" "How could anyone hate Britney? She's a goddess" "I know right Haley uh it always annoys me how Peyton dismisses her like she's not totally talented I mean she's worked her pretty manicured country ass off" "Exactly Brooke"

Running my hand over her arm I found it funny that we bonded over Britney Frigging Spears. I kept going with Peyton's note which was sweet. "Music has always held such a special place in our lives, for me the melody is sometimes even more therapeutic than the lyrics, you can close your eyes get lost in the rhythm create your own lyrics with your memories"

"Sometimes though the lyrics are so powerful they can reach into your soul and make you feel like the song was writing just for you, like somehow the songwriter was watching you stalking you trying to speak for you" "For you Brooke it's always been about the beat anything that helped you fly"

"Brooke you are a diamond you sparkle the brightest the loudest like a thunder storm on a hot summer day. I told you before Brooke Davis you are a storm, you roar the loudest roll the farthest you create waves that will rock shores across the world. I know you love to watch Storms Brooke. I remember as a kid laying with you in a tent in the backwoods watching as the storms tore across towns coming towards us. I use to think you were crazy well I was right lmao how could you look into the eyes of a storm? Well easy be your own storm. So Brooke I need you to be strong brave like you always are. I need you to fight whatever this thing is. I need you to be there for me when I come back I will come back to you B. Davis I promise you that"

"To do that you need some amazing tunes to help you laugh, sing, scream cry and fight. I know our taste of music is worlds apart but you babe are one of the most open minded people I know so please give my bands a chance. Keep reading this as you listen with each song I have enclosed a special memory of why I chose this song"

#1

Artist: Britney Spears

Song: I'm not a girl Not yet A Woman

This song brings me back to summer days when we were like 12 or 13 blasting Britney god she truly is awful Brooke, I am sorry but seriously the girl has no talent. Sorry babe this isn't about how much I hate pop singers, this is about us sunbathing, swimming, gossiping about cute boys, reading pop magazines, watching you move your sexy body as you created new dance moves infusion them with current moves. Even at that age Brooke all the boys were drooling over you I mean why wouldn't they? You were smart funny kind sexy and an amazing dancer.

I used to think
I had the answers to everything

When we were kids we thought we knew it all I remember when we 12 and you wanted so bad to date Ethan Simmons everyone told us he was a bad boy good girls shouldn't date bad boys. You thought he was so cute though so you marched right up to him planted one on his lips in the playground. Everyone was gossiping about it he was so embarrassed he pushed you down everyone laughed. I know how horrible it was to be rejected but you held yourself strong never crying, just turned your head around flipped your hair calmly told him. "I'm the best you'll never have someday you'll be sorry"

But now I know
That life doesn't always
Go my way, yeah
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize

I remember when we were thirteen your parents threw you out when they caught you and Sebastian making out on your bed, you swore that you knew how to handle yourself, they told you that you were a slut a stupid hormonal mess, you ran to my house so upset but my dad threw you out as well, I am so sorry Brooke please know I had no idea I was in the basement playing my guitar I would've been there for you.

Do you remember how you sneaked into Sebastian's house how you told me he held you kissed you, that he made you feel safe even if there was a five year age difference he made you feel mature equal how he listened to Britney with you sung with you. That this song was the song you made love to him with, how he didn't treat you like an object how he treasured you"

"I always thought he was too old for you Brooke but I am grateful because he gave you confidence he made you feel sexy loved and valued something your own parents never did"

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl

Brooke were not women yet we may have womanly bodies but we're still kids we're still learning growing, we have so much left to give so much left to be given. Chose wisely babe you're body is precious, so is you're heart, mind and feelings"

"I like to think back to those summer days when our biggest worry was learning a new dance move worrying about if we fit in with the cheerleaders, things were simpler than, we were truly happy than we laughed we danced we sung. We were kids.

#2

Artist: New Found Glory

Song: My Friends Over You

"You were everything I wanted
But I just can't finish what I've started
There's no room left here on my back
It was damaged long ago"

This song brings me back to last year we were 14. I was totally crushing over Simon he was hot older and a bass player a bad-ass skateboarder. You told me that you thought he was just playing with me, we fought so hard over him, I told you that you were jealous and a spoiled needy brat.

I never knew how bad you're parents fighting was that you were so scared to go home because your dad was drinking he was hitting your mom and you, that you were burying your pain with drinking too much.

I should of though you're my best friend Brooke you were always there for me when my mom died when I was nine you stayed by me everyday you wiped my tears, kissed my face tickled me made me laugh, you danced silly dances for me, told me stupid jokes made me dream again.

When we were ten and Bryan made fun of me he made fun of my moms death so you punched him in front of our class. You got suspended for me! When I failed English you tutored me you made me feel less dumb. So how do I treat you? I dumped you as soon as a cute guy winks at me.

Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you
(My friends over you)

I'm sorry Brooke I will say it a million times it won't make it any less painful to look back and know the damage I did. I left you at that party alone Nathan was making out with some girl you were drunk stupid drunk! I knew it and I left you so I could make out with Simon, who turned out to be a total creep he didn't want to just make out, he knew I wasn't ready yet he tried to take it too far. To this day I am not sure how I escaped but I managed. When I came back to the party to vent to my best friend I was so scared I had lost you with my harsh words.

I had no idea I almost lost you for real not till I got to the house and saw the ambulance. I lost it seeing you on that stretcher not breathing. Seriously Brooke what were you thinking drinking and skinny dipping? If you ever do anything that stupid I will kick your skinny ass!

I promised Brooke "Hoe's over Bro's" always from than on and I mean it!

#3

Artist: Spice Girls

Song: Oxygen

"There will come a time
I know I'm gonna need
Someone I can trust, someone who'll fight for me
That's the way I love"

Just reinforcing that I love you my little hoe the way I love is deep it's powerful, sometimes scary. I will fight for you with you about you but always by you. You are stuck with me.

I know I can trust you I remember when I was 12 and got my period I was scared cause all the other girls were making fun of the girls who had it. They could never keep a secret they were always whispering about each other. You never did that with me, sure you talked shit about everyone else but never me. You just wrapped your arm over my shoulder, smiled and told me "Bitch you ain't special I got mine last year"

I hate leaving you Brooke because I know you need me yet you love me enough to put my needs first and your right I need to do this.

"This is my time to work things out
What I want from this life
There will be someone out there for me
That's the way I love"

You are my someone B. Davis always and forever.

#4

Artist: Simple Plan

Song: Welcome To My Life

"No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me"

Hello Teen angst not everyday is sunny Brooke we both know that we've already been through more shit than most girls our age will ever read about in their horror stories. Most days I am angry sad moody as fuck I drive people away I scare people. I remind them of that Chucky doll, not you my dear B. Davis you laugh roll your eyes and dance crazier sing louder make me piss myself. We all hate our lives sometimes you say, like when your parents fight when the teachers think your dumb when in fact your just lazy. When your parents forget your birthday because business ranked #1 not their only child. When they weren't there to see you win your first award in choreography we were only seven Brooke you were the youngest to ever win that award they weren't there. You smiled you said you were fine I know you weren't.

"To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life"

When I was ten my dad told me he was leaving to go on a ship for six months leaving me with a nanny I was so angry.

I wouldn't budge form my room for days so you armed yourself with magazines, music and a flashlight a tent and we camped out in my room. We laughed we cried we had an epic pillow fight. We blasted the radio we screamed at the top of our lungs we danced on the bed we cried we smashed shit we broke down we laughed we hugged we lived.

#5

Artist: Fall Out Boy -ft. Demi Lovato

Song: Irresistible

Count me in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile
I just follow your scent
You can't just follow my smile

So this makes me remember when we were 13 you got me tickets to see Fallout Boy you know how much I love them! Only my dad refused to let me go with you. So you asked Sebastian to take me, my dad loved him he was so polite. Dad had no idea he was 18! He thought he was our age. As soon as we got to the concert Sebastian ditched us, you started drinking and dancing but I felt awful lying to my dad. He was still my dad I knew he wanted to protect me even if he was misguided.

All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine
Cutting me to the bone
Nothing left to leave behind

We got into a huge fight Brooke I stormed out in true teenager angst drama knowing you were drinking. I confessed everything to him he grounded me. I was so mad I never even thought about you not till you showed up after midnight covered in bruises ripped clothing. You swore he didn't but I still suspect he did. God Brooke I am so sorry.

You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon
I didn't come for a fight but I will fight till the end
This might be your battle, might not turn out okay
You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA

You always smiled assuring me your fine but I know what lies behind that smile B. Davis I will always be sorry.

#6

Artist: S Club

Songs: Have You Ever/ Show me your colors

Have you ever made a mistake we all have Brooke I will regret how crappy of a friend I have been to you all my life.

"Have you ever loved and lost somebody?
Wished there was a chance to say "I'm sorry"
Can't you see?
That's the way I feel, about you and me, Baby"

I made so many mistakes in my life I'm only 15 so it makes me slightly afraid of the mistakes I'll keep making. I apologize in advance to whoever I hurt.

"Now I finally realize
It was forever that I found (Forever that I found)
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round, tell me"

I use these songs because you B have one of the purest hearts of anyone I have ever met. Even though I left you so many times each time you got hurt worse than the last. You always stood by me came back to me loved me harder. You got beat up you almost drowned you bought me tickets to my favorite bands bought me presents, took me to dances, you made me laugh.

"Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I'm in
Please don't break my heart
Show me
Show me your colours baby
Tell me who you really are"

Also because I know you love to dance to this group you watched their shows, went to their concerts you wanted to be Rachel! Brooke you're better than Rachel your you never stop showing the world your magical colors!

#7 Artist: Good Charlotte

Song: The Anthem

Sometimes I hate being a cheerleader I mean it's all so fake, it has no real meaning in the real world. Being a cheerleader won't get us good jobs it won't get us a man who truly loves us for us not our rocking bodies, yes our bodies rock. Everyday it's the same we got to school tear others down so we feel better about our crappy lives.

I want more I am more. I am so close to quiting this shit everyday than you B. Davis come up with some crazy ass scheme some killer dance routine that makes everyone envious of us. Like when you were pissed because your parents suspended your money so we all dressed up in pure black painted our faces white pretended to be mimes so we could entertain the crowd outside the concert we were so good we got into the concert for free and ended up dancing along the stage we couldn't talk at all. Imagine seventeen teenagers not talking for three hours. But damn did we dance did we flirt and fuck we had a ball.

I do it because I know in the end we are creating beautiful memories ones I will carry with me my whole life, ones I will proudly tell my kids and my grandkids about how crazy beautiful their auntie Brooke is.

Like when You, Me, Quinn were so drunk we stripped inside the home of what we thought was Quinn's crush Anthony it turned out to be Mr. Rickert's house our fifth grade math teacher, we ran like the wind onto the beach butt naked into the water we laughed so hard we peed. That's the night Quinn dunked us into the ocean baptizing us B. Davis and P. Sawyer."

Gross they stripped naked in a teachers home? These girls were truly insane! One of them was my sister! Looking at Brooke though I saw she was lost in the memories, the music taking her back. A slow smile was spreading across her face. Maybe we all needed a little insanity in our lives.