It all comes back in flashes, you know? Often I'd see a certain colour or an arrangement of light and shade that reminded me of the ship. I usually saw fluorescent lights in fancy restaurants and the feel of the bed sheets in Adam's.

When a flash came, my body would just freeze and take in as much of that moment as I could. I wanted to feel from the past. The flashes brought me closer to Khan. Although I slept alone, Khan's laughter sneaked into my dreams. He'd be standing there, as if he was always waiting for me. His hands would feel so real and his hair would glimmer exactly like I remembered it. We would never say much, or not that I could recall what we spoke of. I usually only remembered him and what he looked like. Or how he was always so inviting and welcoming towards me. And then, as quick as it started, it would end.

For a long time, I actually became quite spiritual. I used to believe that it was Khan, in heaven or in another form of afterlife, reaching me in my dreams. I used to think it was the only way he could communicate with me. Of course, this made me sleep very often.

The dreams, though, I don't know why, but they left. Khan began to be in less and less of them. I started dreaming about my Dad, old friends I used to have, too. I dreamt of Starfleet, a past volleyball coach, once. Khan and my mind parted, and that's precisely when I stopped believing in spirituality. It was all just a sham.

Adam and I ended up going on many outings together. He took me to little fast food places, swimming pools, museums, movies, parks and so on. I felt quite like a child with him. It was like a parent dragging you around on their daily antics, except I was actually enjoying it. Adam was real funny, too. He made me laugh in the most peaceful, innocent way.

I was constantly comparing him to Khan.

Adam never talked about what happened to me until I finally agreed to have dinner at his place. Adam lived in a large condominium near lovely fields and greenery. I loved the fresh air all around me as we walked into his lobby. The red carpets made me feel special and the way Adam said 'come on' made it even better. I remember scurrying after him onto the elevator. Adam lived on the top floor, the nicest place in the whole building.

"Mi casa," he said, smiling. Adam pushed the door open, revealing a very spacious, large room. The floor was carpeted with a blueish colour, a bland couch straight in the middle of the room, a bit slanted towards the widescreen, thin television. Off to the left was a kitchen, the floor turning tiled. White and glowing. I shook away that thought and stepped forward. Noticing Adam shrugging his shoes off, I did the same, the soft carpet feeling softer against my clothed feet. To the right, a big, dark red fireplace sat.

"It's nice," I murmured.

"It's not much, you know. But it's home." He was being cliché on purpose. I giggled, walking closer to the sofa and feeling it with my hands. I sat up on the top and dropped myself backwards, sinking into the cushions. I wore a simple dress today with black leggings. In a way, I really wanted Adam to look at my legs. He walked past me, slightly nudging my foot playfully. I tried to kick him back but he was too far. I grinned.

He, once, liked to be playful.

I watched from my warped view as Adam got the matchbox from the concrete topping of the fireplace, leaning against the wall, and threw a lighten one into the wood. After two tries, a little spark burst and he immediately moved the wood around for the fires advantage. He stood up from his crouched stance and sat next to my upside-down form, looking down. I swung my legs gently across his legs, careful not to hit his face in the process. Resting my head against the side of the couch, I felt my pace quicken. It was quite, just the sound of the crackling fire. He laid his hand against my left foot, slowly feeling it up.

Without another word, I got up casually, hopefully not making it seem urgent, like the way I felt it to be. A sense of guilt came upon me; I was the one who edged him on, and there I was, again, cancelling. I couldn't help myself.

It reminded me too much of Him.

I made my way to the wall, where two large bookcases surrounded the fireplace. They were covered with two glass doors each, keeping all the dimly lit, coloured books hidden, along with some trinkets thrown in there. I opened one door up, skimming the titles.

"From Earth to the Moon, Five Weeks in a Balloon, The Mysterious Island. You must really like Jules Verne," I said slyly.

"He's a god," Adam smirked.

Yes, He was a god.

"His writing is a gift from the heavens. His books are amazing," Adam continued. I read some of the other titles, like The Secret Garden, Huckleberry Fin, along with some others by Edger Allan Poe.

"You got a soft spot for the classics?" I asked. I heard the couch groan as Adam got up and stood next to me. He stood close, his features becoming well and clear for me. I could see out of the corner of my eye, the way his blue eyes shone, a lively, excited colour swimming in them. I could also see the way his hair curled and crunched, despite how short it was cut. The collar on his right side wasn't straightened properly but I couldn't utterly care less. Brushing my fingers on the books' spines, I picked up the photograph that stood there.

"That's my brother and I. We were, what, in our early twenties."

"You look so young. So cute," I laughed. His face in the photo was lighter, not as hardened. The way his clothes hung on him also showed how his body wasn't done growing yet. I could see the change now as Adam finally shaped out.

"What's your brothers name?" I asked.

"Will."

"You look like him. He's the older one, right?"

'"Yeah." I out the photo back and reached downwards for the next one. It was a huge family portrait.

"That's Will's wedding," Adam told me, taking another picture from the right. I put one I had back and looked down at his.

"That your family?"

"Yeah. My mom, my dad, Will, my dad's mom and her boyfriend and then his brother." Every single person in the photo was smiling. It made me insanely jealous and insanely even more affectionate towards Adam.

I couldn't keep holding myself back anymore.