He woke up the way he'd always wanted to. He'd slept with his face in her hair, and her back rested against his chest. His arms were wound around her, one around her waist, the other hugged her from underneath, resting affectionately under her breasts. He took a deep breath in, inhaling the wonderful smell that was uniquely Natalie. For the first time in five years, waking up didn't make him sad, but instead he believed for the first time in five years that this would be a good day.
A few minutes later, she turned her head towards him. She kissed him.
"mm Good morning"
"Good morning"
"I haven't slept so well in so long"
"Same here" he said.
"I tried to remember what this felt like, on the weekends when we'd sleep in and you'd hold me like this and we'd look out our bedroom window, the view was always so nice, and you'd bring me coffee-"
"I remember"
"Was it hard to stay there?"
"Yeah. Mom and Dad didn't let me go back right away, but the house was just as bad"
"Do you think we're going to be okay?"
He pushed her hair back, "Do you want to be?" he asked and she nodded, "Me too. That's enough for me to believe we'll make it"
"God, I missed you. You always believe in me. In us"
"We've been through enough to make it through this, too"
She smiled, kissing him, "I love you"
"I love you, too" he said.
"There's still things we haven't talked about"
"You don't have to rush-"
"No, um, before we see Eve-" she started, looking down and then into his eyes, running a hand through his hair, "I'd like to know what happened to Thomas"
She watched his face fall, and he held her a little tighter, but he looked back at her.
"I thought you knew"
She could see the tears forming in his eyes, and they were in hers, too, "Not much. Just that he came back one day and after he untied me, said that he'd shot him and finished him on the operating table and that no one would ever figure it out"
"Yeah, that's the gist of it"
"But what about you? How did you handle it?"
"You know me"
"John" she said, "I do know you. And I know you probably didn't handle it so well" she could feel her tears starting to fall, "You love your dad. You looked up to him-" she stopped and took a breath, "Tell me what happened, I want to know, I should have been with you-"
John took a breath, held her a little tighter and began to recant the tale.
It was almost Christmas again. He didn't remember the last time he'd seen his mom so happy, with both her boys home for Christmas again. He and his dad sat at Rodi's, having a drink after a long day, and he was telling him about all the preparations that were already happening.
"It sounds like old times" John said.
"Yeah, this will be one for the books, that's for sure"
"It'll be good, I think, to have it like it was"
"Do you want to bring Evangeline?"
He looked down. He couldn't believe his dad was asking.
"No, she's going out of town for the holidays"
"Oh" he said, "Well, anyway, we're glad you're back, Johnny"
"Me, too"
"I think about Natalie a lot this time of year"
"It was her favorite" John said.
Thomas smiled, "I remember. She used to make you take her to tree lighting in AC every year"
"Yeah, she loved it. I hated the crowds, but it was worth it to see her so happy. She'd jump and down like a little kid while they counted down"
"She did get pretty excited about Christmas"
"Yeah, she did"
"I bet you miss her a lot this time of year"
"Yeah, I do"
"We'll make a good one, John, she'd be proud of it"
"Yeah" he agreed.
"Well, your mother want me to pick some things up on my way home, so, I should get going"
"Alright, Dad, thanks, I'll see you tomorrow"
He walked home with memories playing out in his head. The tree lightings, the shopping trips, decorating, she loved all of it. She made the season, which sometimes felt far too cheery for him, seem much more comfortable. If he closed his eyes, he could still see her wrapping on the floor or helping Michael decorate the tree. Every Christmas he remembered how they'd promised to make love when they woke up in the morning. Not for the first time in the five years she'd been gone, he opened his door surprised she wasn't waiting for him on the other side.
"I'm home, Natalie" he whispered to the empty room, feeling more alone than ever.
He shut the door and headed to his kitchen to find something to eat. He had barely stepped foot in the kitchen when he heard his phone ringing. He answered.
"McBain"
"John" Michael said, "You have to get to the hospital"
There was something in the way that Michael was talking that made John react before he asked questions, he was heading back out the door before he even answered him.
"Mike, what's going on?"
"It's Dad, he was shot, they just brought him in"
John stopped dead in his tracks, and he swore his heart stopped.
"John?"
"I'm on my way, Mike" he said, and got into his car and drove.
His mind was going so fast, a million thoughts racing around. Had his mom gotten called? How had he been shot? Who shot at him? What were his odds? He couldn't lose his dad. He couldn't deal with that. He was without Natalie, he shouldn't have to face the world without his dad, too. He didn't know if he could make it through that kind of loss again. He parked in the first spot he found, walking into the ER in a huff.
"John" Michael said upon him entering.
"Hey, how is he? Where's Mom?"
"He's in surgery, they got him in right when they got here. Mom's here, c'mon"
"How long?"
"He's been in for a few minutes, there's no telling how long he'll be in there"
"How's she holding up"
"Not good"
Finally, they arrived at the waiting room their mom had been shown to.
"Oh, Johnny" she went to hug him.
"Hey Mom" he said, into her hug, "Dad's going to be okay"
"You don't know that, John"
"He's going to pull through" he said, "He has to"
"Your father said the same thing when you got shot" she said.
"I'm still here"
She nodded.
"Do you need anything?" Mike asked.
"No, I have my boys, what more could I want?"
The three of them sat, mostly in silence for what seemed like hours. John prayed and cursed and hoped. Even now, he found himself wishing Natalie were here. She'd hold his hand and hug him close. She'd know what to say to his mom, weeping silently. She'd hold him so he could fall asleep when this was all over. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. The look on his mom's face would haunt him for many nights to come, and he felt guilty knowing that he was the reason she'd been through this before.
"I wondered if this would happen so many times" she said, "I thought when we left AC it was over, he was in a higher position he wouldn't be in danger so often- he wasn't even on duty-"
"Mom-"John started.
"I know, John. I know this was the life he chose, I know you chose it, too. I'm worried. I always worry, about the both of you"
John looked up to see Bo coming towards the three of them. He stood to greet him.
"I came as soon as I heard, Eve, I'm so sorry-"
"What happened, Bo?" she asked.
"It looks like he went into an alley because he heard something suspicious. He had his gun drawn and he flashed his badge, we don't know what happened between the two, but whoever was there shot him"
"We have a perp?"
"No, ran away" he said, "Eve, I-"
"He wasn't on duty, Bo. There was nothing you could have done"
"I'm going to go to the station, try and find anything out, I'll call you if I find anything" he told John.
"Thanks, Bo"
"That's just like Dad" Mike said.
"Yeah" John agreed.
His mother looked more worried than ever. It seemed like the night would never end. The three of them waited for what seemed like forever. Eventually, a nurse came to them.
"Are you here for Thomas McBain?"
"Yes, I'm his wife" she was on her feet in an instant.
"I'm sorry to tell you"
"No" Eve said, already knowing what was following that, "No, no, no"
"Lutenint McBain didn't make it through the surgery" the nurse finished anyway.
"NO" Eve yelled, and John and Micheal caught her as she collapsed.
Briefly, they looked at each other, both already crying. Their dad was gone. They got their mom into a chair and then sat on either side of her, each holding one of her hands, and the three cried. They waited for their mother to speak, not knowing how best to help her right now. John felt like he couldn't breathe. After what seemed like an eon, she spoke.
"It's late" she said, "We're going to have a lot to deal with tomorrow. Let's all go home"
"Mom, I don't think you should be driving right now" Micheal said.
"Yeah, let me drive you home" John said.
"Don't be ridiculous, John, I can get myself home"
"Mom, I would feel a lot better if you let me drive you home"
"Fine" she said, and the three of them headed towards the parking lot.
She wiped away the tears that fell from his face.
"I'm so sorry, John" she whispered, "I should have been with you"
"I sure could have used you that night, and lots of nights after that"
"I knew you had be in pieces it killed me-"
"Hey, you must have been in pieces, too. You loved him, too" he said, wiping the tears from her face.
"Yeah" she said, "I miss him. I hate that I couldn't go to the funeral, that I knew you were hurting and I couldn't-" she paused, "I needed you"
"I needed you, too" he said, "But you're here now"
"Too late"
"Never"
"Is there anything I can do?" she asked.
He shook his head, "You're doing it"
She smiled, "How's Eve been?"
"Awful at first, but, she's getting better. She started going through his things without any help, that's how I got that picture on my desk"
"I wonder what else she'll find"
"She might have some of your things, when I got shot, she packed up the apartment for me"
"I didn't even think of that, I have no clothes"
He raised his eyebrows suggestively, "No complaints here"
She laughed, "Well, I guess I can wear what I was wearing yesterday, I guess I probably don't have any shower stuff either?"
"No, sorry"
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised" she said, "I'll have to run by a store"
"You want to shower?"
"I'd like to rinse off"
He nodded, "Do that, then how about I buy you breakfast and we can go see Mom"
"I'd love that" she said, and went to kiss him.
Once seated at the Diner, Natalie ordered pancakes and John ordered eggs and toast, and each got a cup of coffee. John watched Natalie excitedly drink her first sip.
"Good?" he asked, taking her hand across the table.
"Very" she said, "That's the first coffee I've had in five years"
He kissed her hand, "I would have brought you coffee in bed this morning, but I couldn't bring myself to leave you"
"You have coffee in that place?" she asked.
"I don't know" he said, "I haven't been spending much time there recently. but maybe I will be now"
She smiled, as he kissed her hand again.
"So is this place any good?"
"Yeah, I like it. Mostly for the coffee"
"It is good"
"He really didn't give you-"
"No, and I asked" she said, "He knew everything about me, he knew I liked it, so-" she shrugged, "He said he'd watched me for a while'
"Son of a bitch"
"I agree" she said, "but he's going to rot in prison for the rest of his life"
He lace his fingers through hers, "He will" he said.
She smiled, watching their hands, "This is nice. I could get used to this"
"You better" he said, kissing her hand again, then readjusting their hands so he was looking at the Claddagh ring.
"I remember when you gave that to me, and your whole family was on edge"
"It's been awhile"
"I'm still a fan"
He smiled, "It was meant to be a placeholder"
"I remember" she smiled, too.
Their food came at that moment, and they let go of their hands to eat.
"So what have you been eating over these last few years?" he asked as she greedily dug in.
"Toast usually, sometimes I'd get room service for dinner, but usually he gave me a soup"
"No wonder you lost weight"
"I managed" she said.
"I can't believe you did" he said.
"Hey, I'm here" she said, "And I'm not leaving you again"
"I know" he said.
"I've dreamed about food like this"
"And here I thought you dreamed about me"
"A girl can't help but dream about food every once in a while" she said.
John finished his eggs and drank his coffee, watching her, smiling. She really was enjoying her breakfast. He'd missed this about her, how excited she got over little things like this.
"You like it?"
"Yes, I do" she said, "and apparently, it's amusing to you, too"
"I just miss you"
She smiled, "Thanks for breakfast"
"The first of many to come, I hope"
"Mm, I think I prefer it when I get breakfast in bed"
He smiled, "We'll have to go shopping before that happens again"
"Bachelor life ruined you"
"I don't think I'm cut for it" he said.
"Good" she said, smiling.
John threw some bills down on the table and they headed out.
"Ready to go see Mom?"
"I'm so ready" she said as they got in his car.