Chapter 25: Push in the Right Direction

Disclaimer: I don't own HP. I own Gen. And her family. And some of her friends.

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Gen could only stare at Sirius when he finished talking. The sea of students had thinned out and she shifted uncomfortably.

"Um, thanks Sirius," she said again, unable to think of any other phrase to capture this moment.

The first time he had told her they were friends was somewhat unexpected. But, this time around it was just plain weird. Why was he making such a point of telling her? Why did he want her to know that he thought Remus was an idiot? Gen felt herself begin to fidget, uncertain of what to even do.

"Relax, Proctor, it's not like I'm proposing," he said gruffly, returning to himself. Gen felt a familiar snap in her attitude and she looked back up at him.

"Don't flatter yourself, champ," she retorted. She turned, pulling on her sweater. She heard a grunt of some kind emit from Sirius, but she didn't plan on lingering.

That night in their dormitory had been rather awkward, but Gen didn't really care. She knew she was right, and she hoped that Georgina was smart enough to keep her mouth shut. The feelings carried over through the beginning of the month, and when it came time for their study session Gen was relieved to have somewhere she could go without Georgina following. It was with some satisfaction that she walked to the study room that day, toting her bag and books. It wasn't until she crossed the threshold of the doorway that her heart started pounding.

"Hey, Gen," she was greeted, and she smiled at her peers in return.

All right, so far, so good.

She took a seat near Marlene and Edmond, placing her bag in her lap, waiting for the rest of the group members. This included Lily and Remus, which wasn't much of a surprise to her. When they walked in together Gen turned her eyes down to her bag and began picking off her nail polish.

"All right," Marlene began, "everybody's here. What are we working on today?"

"Potions essay anyone?" Edmond asked, but no one responded.

"I need some Defense Against the Dark Arts notes," Lily said. Dorcas Meadows opened her bag to get them for her.

"Edmond, I'll do the essay with you. Gen, do you need anything?" Marlene asked. Gen thought about it, but shrugged.

"Not really, I'm good," she replied softly.

"Okay, Remus?" Marlene asked. He peered into his bag.

"Transfiguration, again," he said.

"Cough 'em up, Gen," Edmond said with a smile. Gen forced a grin that looked more like a wince and felt her mouth go a little dry. She opened her bag and reached for her notes anyway, holding them out for Remus to take. She averted her eyes out of every uncomfortable emotion rampaging through her body, and recoiled her hand quickly as soon as she felt him take them.

"Have you finished your potions essay?" Marlene asked, and Gen looked at her. She nodded, and smiled.

"I'll help you guys if you want," Gen said. She followed Edmond and Marlene as they went to an empty table for some space, and she helped them out for the entire hour that commenced. Gen had forgotten how much she liked Marlene and Edmond, and the hour that she spent with them was fun. Though they didn't finish their essays, they seemed all right with it at the end because they had all talked and laughed so much. Standing after their session, Gen, still laughing about a story Edmond had just finished telling them, walked back to the main table to grab her bag. She was greeted with a smile from Lily, and Gen smiled back.

"Thank you," Gen said, "for inviting me back. I forgot how much I liked this." Lily stood up as well to pack her bag, and she continued to smile.

"I'm sorry that you thought you weren't still welcome," she replied. Gen nodded, relieved to hear her say that.

"Lily," she said quietly so only the redhead could hear, "can I ask something?" She saw the window of opportunity in that moment to ask Lily what had been going on with she and Remus. She didn't know when Lily would speak to her again like this, and she didn't want to waste another month fretting over what was going on.

"You want to know about what Remus and I have been doing," Lily whispered back, meeting Gens eyes again. Gen merely nodded. "I figured you would want to know. Wait for the rest of them to leave and we'll walk back together. Then I can tell you everything you want to know."

That's it? Much easier than expected, Gen assessed. She nodded once more to her friend and Lily walked away to speak to Dorcas. Gen pulled her bag up on to the table and she felt a body near her. Turning to see who it was, she was confronted with Remus.

He was closer to her than he had ever been since their break up, and Gen wasn't sure what to do. She felt her heart stop beating, and she thought that if he spoke she would die.

He held out her notes, and she felt the moment fall into the "anti-climactic" category of her life. She let out a soft "oh" and reached for the parchment. She looked up at him to smile, and pulled the papers from his hands. She turned away, not expecting anymore, satisfied that she had taken a step forward in this whole mess.

"Thank you," he said. Gen paused and snapped her head back at him. Their eyes met once more, but for once there was very little expression on his face. Gen opened her mouth to say something, and all at once the millions of things she wanted to yell and scream and cry to him about rushed to the tip of her tongue.

It took an army of will power to stop herself from saying those things. She let out a breath and then answered.

"You're welcome, Remus," she replied. He gave her a nod and she turned back to her bag.

Go Remus, she begged, listening intently to hear him walk away. Go, before I start freaking out.

She heard him turn and walk away, and she let out the breath she had been holding. Gripping her bag to steady herself, she went to work filing away all those things she had wanted to say.

She said her goodbyes, waiting for Lily to finish packing up her things. When Remus realized that Lily was waiting for Gen, he quickly exited the room.

"Are you putting those away?" Lily asked, gesturing to the notes that Remus had returned to her. Gen snapped out of her daydream and shoved them back into her bag, reminding herself later to go through them and make sure they were all there. She pulled her bag on and together the two of them left the room.

"What do you want to know?" Lily asked. Gen smiled to herself, thankful to not have to bring up the subject again with her.

"What's going on, I guess," Gen replied, scratching at her face.

"He needed a friend," Lily said. Gen looked at her in confusion.

"But the boys…"

"The boys think that he is wrong. They don't understand how Remus feel about what happened that night," Lily said. Gen nodded, looking away.

"That he can't be in a relationship ever again because he's afraid of hurting them," Gen stated, rather flatly.

"It's more than that, Gen."

"What else is there?" she asked, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. Lily sighed and her pace slowed some. She seemed like she was regretting her decision to explain to Gen what she had been doing the past month or so.

"He thinks he doesn't deserve a relationship," she said. Gen's shoulders fell as she realized the implications of that statement, and sighed.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," she replied. "He's fantastic."

"I know he is. I've been trying to show him that. But, he's so hardheaded that when he gets something into his head he can't let it go," Lily explain. Gen smirked to herself, knowing that about him.

"Yeah," Gen agreed, "I know." The two continued on for some time without speaking, Gen mulling over the things that Lily had said. She was fighting urges to ask more personal questions about their time together, but wasn't sure if she was ready to face Lily's judgment.

"I appreciate you doing that for him," Gen said. It was true. She knew that Remus would need someone, and Lily was volunteering herself for that position.

"I knew you would see it that way," Lily responded. "I'm sorry if you felt like we couldn't be friends anymore. I just saw how everyone was taking care of you and worrying about you, and knew that this was going to be hard on Remus."

"You're incredibly kind, Lily Evans," Gen said with a smile. Lily smiled back, folding her arms over her stomach.

"He's always been such a good friend to me," Lily said. Gen nodded.

"Would you judge me harshly if I asked something really girlish?" Gen ventured, unable to contain her curiosity anymore.

"He thinks and talks about you all the time, sweetheart," Lily answered. Gen smiled at her guess, but felt a strange pang in her gut at hearing the response.

"But he's never going to come back to me," Gen said. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed anymore.

"I wouldn't count on it. He's made up his mind," Lily replied. Gen nodded, expecting that answer. It provided some closure for her, and she watched her feet as they hiked up the stairs to the tower.

"Does he know that it was my fault?" Gen asked as they paused on the landing, waiting for the staircase to finish moving. Lily looked at her and considered her answer.

"I'm not sure," she replied. "All he sees is what happened – he hurt someone he loves because of his condition. He doesn't see it as an accident or that we never should have been there in the first place. I'm not sure what I was thinking that day. I never should have let you go down there."

At that, Gen laughed.

"Lily," she said, "I was going to go down there no matter what. It's like one of those fixed points in time that would never change even if I had a time machine." Lily gave her a smile and Gen sighed. "We just weren't meant to be, I guess."

"Which is the worst thing I've had to admit to myself," Lily replied. "I wanted the two of you to be together until the very end." Gen shrugged and began up the stairs again.

"It's all right. I just hope he and I can be friends again someday."

"You will be," Lily replied. "We're working on that part." Gen gave her a smile and then they parted ways. Gen to the Common Room and Lily back to her own dormitory. Gen was quiet when she returned to the common room, and took a seat in the nook by the fire. She slid her shoes off and tucked her legs up underneath her. Opening her bag she remembered to check her notes to make sure that Remus didn't take a page on accident. She pulled out her Defense Against the Dark Arts book as well to get some more studying done.

As she thumbed through the pages of her notes she thought about what Lily had told her and she felt bad that Remus had convinced himself of such folly. She wished for him to find someone that was stronger than she was; someone that would fight with him in order to have him. Gen was just too weak to deal with him in any way other than trying to be acceptable in social situations.

Her eyes combed the pages, hoping that somewhere he had left a small message for her. A message that consisted of a few words that made her feel better. She wasn't so much upset anymore than just tired. She was tired of trying to understand him, and she just wanted something that showed her he was healing, too.

Of course, there was nothing.

February passed without much more drama. The dormitory had divided but everyone was co-existing nicely. Of course, that may have had something to do with how Georgina and Sirius were fighting more than they were making out. Gen and Alice mostly kept to themselves, laughing about it when they had a moment to themselves.

When March arrived her fellow seventh years started to go into a studying frenzy. There wasn't that much time left at Hogwarts, and the NEWTs were approaching faster than they all had planned. One March morning the group was sitting at breakfast, listening to James and Sirius talk about their upcoming match with Slytherin, and how they needed to beat them in order to secure a place in the House Cup. Gen was eating a slice of toast and reading something out of her Ancient Runes book when the familiar screeching and hooting of the mail arrival made her pause. McNutters swooped low to drop her mail, and she smiled up at him as he flew out of the hall again. She pushed her newspaper aside when she didn't see a letter from her parents, and returned to her book.

She didn't notice when all of her friends went silent. She was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice her sixth sense telling her that large quantities of people were staring at her. When she looked up to reach for an apple she noticed her friends looking at her in anticipation. Gen furrowed her brow as her eyes darted to Alice. Her expression was pale and somewhat frightened, which naturally made Gen feel concerned.

"What's wrong, hun?" she asked, putting the apple down and pushing her book aside. Alice opened her mouth to answer but no words came out. Gen looked at the boys, and Sirius picked up her copy of the Daily Prophet. She looked at him, registering the concern written in his eyes, and looked to the headline.

NEW YORK, CHICAGO, BOSTON ATTACKED

DARK MARK SIGHTED IN SKYLINE

Gen didn't have to read any further.

Her whole world stopped in front of her. The breath was literally knocked right from her and the paper fell out of her hands.

Oh my God.

"Gen," she heard Alice say quietly.

The elephant, she thought. Her mind flashed to the tiny porcelain elephant sitting up in her room in a drawer in her nightstand. Gen looked at Alice and then stood up, running from the Great Hall in order to get back up to the dormitory. Somehow she managed to get up the stairs two at a time, her heart threatening to pound out of her chest. When she reached the Fat Lady it took her a few moments to get out the password so that the Fat Lady could understand.

She tore up the stairs to their dorm, and threw open the door. She knelt down in front of her nightstand and pulled open the drawer, gasping the moment her eyes found the tiny gift from her father. Instead of it being frozen in its happy stance, it was dashing about in a circle, waving its trunk frantically. Gen gasped and picked up the tiny figurine, clutching it fiercely. She scanned the room hurriedly, looking for parchment and something to write with. She needed to write to her mother. In fact, she was surprised she hadn't gotten something from her this morning with the post. She found a bit of paper under Catherine's bed and found a broken black eyeliner pencil on the rug. She flattened the paper on her chest and wrote quickly.

Who is hurt?

Elephant is freaking out.

Headline of Prophet this morning.

Love, Gen

She looked around and remembered that her bag was still in the Great Hall. She decided she should go grab it before she went out to the Owlery. Dashing out of the dorm again and slamming the door behind her, she ran out of the portrait hole and down the stairs. The halls were filling with students again as they left breakfast. This wouldn't slow Gen down, however. She fought her way through the crowds and made it back towards the Great Hall.

"Gen!" she heard one of her friends call. But, Gen didn't have time to talk to them at the moment. She had to get this message on its way to her mother.

"Gen!" another cried. "I have your bag!" Gen stopped and turned towards the voices. She saw Alice standing on the landing of a staircase, holding up Gen's bag for her to see. Gen went back to her swiftly, taking the bag.

"Thanks," Gen said.

"Are you all right?" Alice asked. Gen looked her friend in the eye and shook her head.

"I don't know. I have to get McNutters and send him with this," she said. Her voice sounded strange to her own ear, but Alice nodded and Gen turned back up the hallway. She raced out through the courtyard and across the bridge, the cold air biting at her skin. She made fresh tracks in the snow, wishing that she had thought about her shoes before she had come outside. Her bag bounced as she raced up the stairs to the Owlery. Once in she searched for McNutters, hoping that he wasn't sleeping.

"McNutters," she hissed, not wanting to disturb the hundreds of birds there. Then, her beautiful brown bird flapped down to one of the perches in front of her. He wagged his head at her and she reached for his leg. "I need you to get this to mom, as quick as you can. I'm sorry, I forgot some food for you from breakfast, but this is so important." The bird merely held his leg out for her, and she tied the note to him. When she stepped back he took off, and Gen watched as he flew out the large set of windows behind her.

Wrapping her arms around her body, she hurried back into the castle. She knew she was late for her History of Magic class, but she hoped that Professor Quinn wouldn't mind. Perhaps if she just snuck into the back she wouldn't notice her. When she finally made it back inside she spent a few minutes stamping her feet and trying to dry them off. They were miserably cold, and wished that the hurried intense worry about her family would make her ignore the cold again. However, now that she had sent off her message all she could do was wait. She remembered having the elephant in her hand, and she opened her palm to see it.

The small figure looked at her, and waved its trunk in a sense of urgency. Gen sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

What am I going to do? she asked herself. She had never considered that her brother and father would be in danger. She had never thought that they would ever have anything to worry about. How had she been so naïve about all of it? Of course they could be in danger, they work for a government where people are not average. She set her head back straight and ran a hand over her face, exhausted from her worry already. Trudging forward, she walked to her class with a very heavy head. When she walked into the door her classmates turned their attention to her but no one said anything. Professor Quinn paused in her lecture to give Gen a strangely sympathetic smile and then continued like there was nothing wrong.

Gen was a near zombie the rest of the day. She knew it would be at least two days before McNutters returned with a reply, and that was if there was someone there to answer her. She imagined her note sitting on the kitchen table for some time before anyone got around to answering it. Her rational side knew that it was an implausible situation because if something was really wrong someone would have to tell her. She was family.

The stress wore on her for the two days that followed. She waited for McNutters for what felt like hours. Breakfast the next morning was particularly tense. She waited to see her owl fly in with a letter explaining everything to her. But, nothing came.

No one broached the subject with her, either. Everyone just avoided complaining, and Alice and James were being extra cheerful in hopes of getting Gen to relax some. Of course, it didn't work. She really just wanted them to shut up. The Daily Prophet didn't help the next day, either. There was a tiny article on the fourth page about the damage that the New York branch and the Chicago branch had received. There was one line about Boston, saying that more information would be provided in coming days.

Gen tore the newspaper up on the spot.

That second morning she sat at the table trying to force herself to eat. Her stomach was filled with cramps, but she couldn't tell if they were from hunger or they were from her fear. Regardless, she piled her plate with foods that looked delicious and took slow bites. She had a harder time fighting the urge to stare at the ceiling. She had readily convinced herself that she would hear from someone this morning. If she didn't, she would demand to be sent home.

She had been the first one down to breakfast, which wasn't unusual for her. Her hair was less than pulled together and her shirt tails were hanging out from under her sweater that she truly despised. She took a seat somewhere along the length of the table. She set her bag down quietly and began piling her plate with food. Like the day before and the day before that, Gen tried to eat but continually failed. She tried to keep her eyes on the table, and then on her friends when the eventually joined her. She even kept her eyes down when she heard the familiar screeches of the owls as they flew into the ceiling space above her. Her hand gripped around her fork and waited.

"Gen," Alice said softly after several long moments. Gen looked at her, barely turning her head, and noticed what Alice was calling her attention to. Gen snatched up the innocent looking envelope that was resting by her plate. She tore it open, finally shaking the paper out of it and read it swiftly.

Gen,

Just got your letter.

We got attacked by a group of people calling themselves Death Eaters. They've been everywhere in Britain, and I guess people here are turning into followers.

Some of them worked for the Ministry.

We all started fighting. I got out but I couldn't find Dad.

He's been hurt, Gen. Badly.

A curse missed him and caused a part of the North East wing walls to explode and his arm to get trapped under the rubble.

Bottom line is that he is going to be all right, but they had to amputate his hand. The people at St. Mungo's couldn't do anything for him.

Mom says hello and she's sorry that she didn't write sooner. She's been stressed out, as you can imagine.

Love,

Marcus

Had it been any other day, under any other circumstances, Gen would have been surprised to see such a closing from Marcus In fact, all their correspondence would close that way from that day on.

However, she hadn't been prepared for the peculiar arrangement of emotions that followed the imparting of the news about her father.

At first, she was of course sad for her father. Her father had lost a hand. That was somewhat drastic.

And then, she felt relieved. He was all right, and was going to stay that way. No one had died, and while the loss of a limb was a harsh blow to be dealt, it was better than what Gen's mind had been allowed to invent.

Then, suddenly, Gen's free hand was flexing and clenching together into a fist. Her teeth gritted together and she closed her eyes for a moment as the letter fell from her fingers back to the table.

"Well?" Lily asked, anxiously. Gen cleared her throat and then looked up.

"The bastards hurt my father," she said. With that she stood. She had made up her mind. The singular thing that had been plaguing her for as long as she could remember had been made up in that precise moment.

She collected her bag and climbed over the bench. She had left the letter somewhere behind her, and she faintly heard the familiar gasp of Alice. She must have read what happened. Gen continued out of the Great Hall, hurrying to catch Professor McGonagall before the day began. Her Head of House hadn't been seated at the head table in the Hall. Dashing up the stairs to the office she had visited but once before Gen approached the door with a confidence that something like a family event could provide.

She rapped on the door loudly, hoping that she hadn't missed the strict woman.

"Come in," replied the familiar voice. Gen opened the door somewhat aggressively, and stood her ground in the doorway.

"Good morning, Professor," Gen said curtly. She didn't wait for the lady to continue, and she opened her mouth once more. "I know I'm late in deciding this, but I want to be an Auror. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but that's what I need you to help me to do and I won't take no for an answer."

Of course McGonagall's face was stuck in a moment of surprise. Gen wanted to believe that McGonagall had seen it all – that she had been a teacher long enough to basically expect anything from her students. As Gen stood there waiting, she realized that she had not only caught Professor McGonagall at an awkward moment, but she had interrupted something.

Professor Dumbledore peered over his shoulder at her, a familiar knowing smile on his face.

"I assure you, Miss Proctor, Professor McGonagall will be more than willing to assist you," he said. Gen trained her eyes on him and didn't bother to mask her surprise. "And if she doesn't, rest easy that I will help you myself."

Enjoy.