Subject: Edward Cullen aka the Womanizer
Chapter Twenty-Five – Toxic
Alice
"Bella!" Edward cried out, reaching for her as Rosalie and I carried her out into the night.
"Take me…back," Bella gasped, one of her hands clenched at her chest. God, she was in pain, so much pain.
"No Bella, we're taking you home," Rosalie spat, she was angry. I couldn't imagine what was running through her head after what we'd seen.
"No…he's going to feel guilty." Bella tried again, looking up at me, begging me with tear-filled eyes. "He just held me too hard." Her body trembled as sob after sob escaped her. Falling to her knees she continued and said, "We both had last night."
"Edward didn't hurt you last night?" Rosalie asked softly, weaving some of Bella's hair behind her ear.
Bella shook her head harshly and cried out. "He forgot everything! He asked –" She sobbed and twisted her palm up, opening her left hand out – oh my God.
"Esme, isn't that Elizabeth's ring?" I asked. Esme nodded as tears pooled in her eyes.
"It doesn't matter now, he's beyond reason," Rosalie whispered, pulling Bella to her feet. "You can't go back there." Rosalie led Bella toward my Porsche, and I noticed Bella leaning heavily onto Rosalie.
"No…take me back…" Bella pleaded again as tear after tear fell from her bright, glazed eyes.
"You're both so angry and you both need to calm down," I reasoned with her.
She sobbed harder as we helped her into my car. Rosalie and Esme walked over to another call and followed me as I drove toward Bella's apartment. Turning on my Bluetooth, I looked for Dad's number. Bella had gone exceptionally quiet phone, which after everything she'd been through lately was not a good thing. When I looked over, I felt relieved to see that tears streaked down her cheeks. At least she was there with me, and not lost in her thoughts.
Edward was the only one that could help her return to reality, and I feared he'd never be there for her after what happened. What would happen to her if she slipped into one of her catatonic states again? What the hell was he thinking by doing what he did?
"Carlisle," I said as he answered.
"Alice, Emmett had to take Jasper out of here before he hit Edward again."
"Oh God, is Edward okay?" I felt Bella's fingers curl around my thigh when she heard his name, even after what he'd done, she still worried about him. I gave her a small smile, letting her know that he was all right.
"He's out cold, but he's coming around," Dad said softly, he sighed deeply before he continued. "Alice has Bella said anything…about…what," his voice trailed off.
"Yes, it's not what it looked like. It was mutual and consensual, just rough from what I understand."
He sighed deeply again. "What have we done, Alice?"
"I don't know, but I'm worried about Bella. She's –" I looked over at her again, she continued to look out of the window. "She's not doing well."
"Stay with her, sweetheart. I'll take care of Edward."
"I will." I slipped my phone back in my purse and touched Bella's arm to let her know I was there for her. We flew across town to Bella's apartment. I took a few deep breaths, wishing there was something that could be said to help ease the pain. There was nothing that would help. Everything that occurred at the Gala happened, because we all couldn't face the truth.
We hired Bella, and she asked more than once that she needed to step away. We made her stay.
I wanted Edward back, because I had grown tired of the man that hurt everyone with his choices and actions. It seemed that I'd become like him, making choices that hurt people. My decision to seek Bella out had two people I loved in terrible pain. It wasn't something that would go away in instant. No, their pain was deep. The type of pain that clawed into their very heart and soul, and it was my fault.
"Stop blaming yourself," Bella said softly. Her forehead rested against the window of my car, looking out into the dark sky as it started to rain. Her were tears silent, etching little paths down her pale skin.
I sighed, letting a few tears escape my eyes. God she knew me too well. In Bella, I didn't see only a friend; I saw my sister. Her pain tortured me because of something we did.
"Everyone had a little part in this," she whispered, shaking her head. "But mostly it was me, and I know that now. I should have cuffed him to the bed to make him listen to me." What could I have said to that? After a moment, she broke the silence again. "Alice, I don't feel so good," she said, her voice cracking.
"Of course you don't, Bella. You ju…" I tried to continue, but she cut me off.
"No, Alice," Bella gasped, clawing at the door. "I mean I don't feel good. Pull over."
I looked over at her; she looked so pale and her hand was clamped over her mouth. My eyes widened, barely managing to bring the car to a halt before Bella swung the door open, losing her dinner in a nearby trash can. I groaned, feeling worse. Esme and Rosalie pulled up behind me, both climbing out of the car to help Bella.
When she collapsed into my mother's arms, I got out of my car quickly. Together we helped Bella back into my car. Her breaths were ragged, and it seemed that her eyes threatened to roll back into her head. "What do we do?" I looked to my mom for answers.
Bella whimpered, moaned, clutching my arm. "Take me to the hospital. I might be pregnant," Bella gasped in between breaths before she completely passed out. Oh shit.
"Oh, God," Esme gasped. I stood there with my mouth wide open. Can things get worse? Hello, yes they can, Alice. Bella is unconscious.
I kicked it into high gear and ran to the driver's side and climbed into my car. Esme and Rosalie both ran over to the car they were in as I peeled out of the space, nearly hitting a minivan. I winced at the loud horn and quickly dialed Carlisle. I told him what was happening and casually left out the fact that Bella might be pregnant. After reassuring me that Edward was all right, he said he'd join us later.
A few minutes later we arrived at the local hospital, and Rosalie coaxed a large male nurse, who helped us bring Bella inside the building. My mother thankfully had already called Bella's cousin, Nessie, who said she'd call Jordan. While we waited for someone to see Bella, Rosalie made calls to Jasper and Emmett.
"What's going on here?" A doctor in his mid-thirties listened to a couple of nurses that were working on getting Bella's vitals.
"Umm, she was sick after a dinner party we were having," I said softly, taking Bella's jacket from the nurse. "She got sick and kept slipping in and out of consciousness since then. She's been having iron problems and she said that she might be pregnant."
The doctor nodded at something the nurse said, ordering some blood to be drawn. "Do you know how bad her iron was?"
I tried to remember a conversation we had during lunch that we had a couple of weeks ago. "I think it was pretty bad. Enough to scare her."
The doctor nodded and started to give more orders to the nurses. Since we weren't family, they asked us to wait. Thirty minutes later my father, Jasper and Emmett arrived, waiting for the doctor to tell us something. I held a sobbing Nessie as Jacob ran his fingers along her back to soothe her.
"Miss Wolfe," the doctor called out toward us. "Hello, I'm Dr. Wright." He extended his hand out toward Nessie. The poor thing looked up at the doctor, looking lost and helpless. "We can discuss your cousin's condition in private if you'd like?" Nessie shook her head, clutching my hand tightly. Thank God, she wanted us there. If she wanted to keep us in the dark, I'd go crazy with worry. The doctor nodded. "All right. First of all, do you know why she has so many bruises on her?"
Nessie's eyes widened. Jacob and Jasper growled beside us. Over-protective asses, the minute they arrived I told them exactly what Bella had said about the bruises. "Doctor, it's not what you think. Her and her boyfriend got carried away last night," I said. Someone had to say something to clear the suspicion.
"She said something like that when we tried to do a rape kit."
I shook my head. "It's not like that, sir."
He nodded. "I still have to report it, but right now, we have other concerns. We're going to start a blood transfusion. She's well below the norm for iron. She was a five-point-four moments ago." Nessie gasped beside me. "But she lost consciousness again," the doctor continued, "We need consent."
Nessie nodded. "Her brother and I are her only family left."
"She has a wedding ring on her finger. Is she not married?" the doctor asked.
Nessie looked at me and all I could do was shrug my shoulders. I had no idea what was behind her wearing the wedding ring. Had Edward ask her last night? I shook my head. Edward and Bella were the only ones who could tell us that answer. However, it seemed as if Edward hadn't remembered anything. Bella had indicated that he'd been drunk.
"If we sign the paper work, you can get started, right?" Nessie asked.
"Is her boyfriend or fiancée here?" The doctor looked at the rest of my family. When Nessie shook her head, he continued. "She asked for us to check if she was pregnant. She is, but there's a problem."
Holy fuck. Guilt twisted in my gut and by the look in everyone else's eyes, I'd say I wasn't the only one. What the fuck have we done? Not only have we hurt two people, who may never recover from this, but they may be tied to each other forever. It could destroy them further. Fuck!
"Oh God. What now?" Nessie asked, looking sick.
"Her records indicated problems with cists and fibroids," he said gently. "And I know she'd been taken off the medication a few short months ago before her moving here. Unfortunately, they returned."
"Is she going to lose the baby?" Nessie whimpered as tears pooled in her big brown eyes. God, she looked so much like Bella.
"There are options," the doctor informed us.
"This is not our decision. This is her and Edward's child, they need to discuss it," I said, looking at my family. They all nodded in agreement.
"We have some time to see what we can do, since we can't do anything until we can get her iron back up. However, we can't wait too long. The longer we wait the more danger to her and the baby."
We had to call Edward. The question was whether he would answer.
Edward
I left shortly after my discussion with Julian at the club. He left me with a lot to think about, but still thoroughly confused. With no destination in mind, I drove around the city in circles—lost.
I had to leave Seattle. I couldn't remain there and maintain a reasonable distance from her. If I stayed I risked losing the battle. The battle to run back to her and say the words that said I'd forgive her if she loved me. Does she love me? The question felt as if would remain on repeat until it was answered. There was only way that it could be answered, and I couldn't risk myself further by going to her.
With that in mind, I made the call for the company jet. Though I was positive that Carlisle would not appreciate the use of the company assets for personal reasons, I'd hope he understand why. All the emotions and confusion in my head couldn't be straightened out when I knew she was close.
My first thought was Vegas. There was nothing better than to drown myself in liquor and lose a shit load of cash at the fucking tables to let go. To forget all the crap I'd been through in the last few months, even if it was only temporary.
However, I couldn't make my fucking mouth say Vegas to the pilot. No, I said Carmel, for some reason, my gut said I needed to go there. I drove through the rainy streets of Seattle toward my apartment to grab a bag and leave as soon as possible.
My damn cell phone kept vibrating in my pocket, and I seriously considered throwing it out the fucking window. Yet, I knew I couldn't ignore it. The need for information about her made me feel damn pathetic. Why couldn't I be stronger?
My whole fucking body was aching to go find Bella. My fucking heart was even screaming at me to go find her. But my mind—or at least a part of my mind—told my softer side to fuck off.
I sped toward my apartment, weaving in and out of lanes to get there faster. "Slow down, champ."
I stiffened as I heard her soft soothing voice as it'd come from the passenger seat beside me. I looked and exhaled, a little disappointed to not find her there. For a moment there, I thought I lost it.
A green light that I swore changed straight to red was overhead as I passed it. "Go right!"
On her voice alone, I weaved to the right barely missing a car. Holy fuck, I'm so mind-fucked. I pulled over, trying to catch my breath and restart my heart. I was so fucking confused that there was suddenly the little voice in my head sounded like Bella. I laughed, you're fucking losing it man.
"Don't worry, you're not losing it."
How could I feel so many emotions toward one person at the same time? I hated her, I loved her. I felt guilt and pity. I felt angry and I felt sad, but for some fucked up reason, I didn't feel regret.
I had loved her. Fuck, I still do. Despite the truth, I couldn't regret the time I spent with her. She showed me things that I had never thought I'd been capable of. It wasn't about the sex with us, never had been.
It was about all the little things. She showed me how to be myself, something I hadn't done in a long while. Something I was never really comfortable with since I was kid. How could I forget our first breakfast together? After my parents died, I hadn't eaten one, opting to skip it. Even when one was offered, I couldn't conjure up my appetite for it, until Bella.
That was one thing I always woke up to every morning, breakfast. My mother's French toast, waffles or pancakes and my father's omelets. They loved cooking in the kitchen together.
Bella had me enjoying breakfast again. It was a small detail, but I really liked that I could do that again. She showed me that I had a loving family. How they loved me and missed me. Most of the time, I spent with them was at the club and occasional dinners. Bella helped me get closer to them.
But then they went and fucked it all up. I didn't want to fucking spend time with them anymore.
They hurt and lied to me!
I switched the stereo on, hoping to block the "Bella voice," telling me to go find her. I pulled onto the street and sped my way toward my apartment.
"What if I wanted to break, laugh it off in your face? What would you do? What if I fell to the floor? Couldn't take all of this anymore? What would you do, do, do"
I laughed at the irony and the fucking timing. "What fucking perfect song!" I growled. It was exactly how I felt right now. I had every reason to.
"Come, break me down. Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you!"
Was I really ready to be finished with my family? I knew that it would take time and that my family was all I really had. Should I forgive them? Could I forgive them? And Bella? What could I possibly want with her? Did I want her back? Would she want me back? Could I erase the pain?
Does she love me? I pounded the dashboard with my fist. The Kill, the damn song fucking mocked me.
"What if I wanted to fight? Beg for the rest of my life. What would you do? You say you wanted more. What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you."
It was exactly what I planned to do. Run, to leave and never look back.
"Come, break down. Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me. All I wanted was you."
Bella had been what I wanted all along. She was my dream, my angel that occasionally dressed like the devil. She was my little vixen. She is mi vida.
From the moment I saw her, I wanted her. She was everything I didn't know I wanted and so much more. But I didn't even know if the Bella I fell in love with was even real. What if my Bella and the real one was not the same person? What if the real Bella never loved me?
Does she love me? I shook my head. I couldn't think about this, I had to get out of town before I couldn't fight to stay away from her any longer. She fucking hurt me, too much. Too fucking much. I parked in my space of my apartment complex a few minutes later, and finally made it up to my apartment.
I ran to the closet, trying not to look at the bed, or the couch, anywhere else Bella and I had made love. Fuck, thinking about those things wasn't helping my resolve. I grabbed my suitcase and went to my drawer for my socks, t-shirts and boxers. I came up empty handed. Nothing.
Shit, all my clothes were at Bella's place. I laughed, had I not a few weeks ago thought of her apartment as ours? Fuck. I thought for a few minutes, pacing my hallway, trying to figure if I should go over there for my things.
Fuck it. I could buy some more things once I landed in California. Then again, I know I wasn't any condition or mood to spend a day shopping. I was going to have to go back there – to our place.
I sighed, grabbing my suitcase, taking the elevator down to the lobby. I walked briskly and tried to tell myself I was going into the apartment, grab some clothes and I was out. There was nothing else there for me, she wasn't there anymore.
She's at the hospital.
Oh fuck, the painful thought of her in that place again hit hard and sharp in my chest. One thing was certain there was no way she had faked her visit to the hospital when Tanya poisoned her.
My girl was in the hospital and I wasn't there with her. My breathing started to become erratic again, the panic attack I had early resurfaced. I closed my eyes, my salvation were Bella's eyes. With her in mind, I slowed my breathing as best as I could.
Once I reached the cool Seattle air, I breathed deeply. My head spun for a moment, but still an image of her in my mind helped me get back into control. I walked the short distance to Bella's building and wondered briefly if our being neighbors was a coincidence or not. Shit like that fucked with my head. I had to stop myself for finding reasons to stay.
Derek, the doorman to Bella's building greeted me with a smile and quick nod. I didn't even acknowledge him. A part of me knew that after tonight, he'd never see me again.
When the elevators came into view, my memories sprang forth. Fuck. Hell. I was in fucking hell. I made it to the elevator; my memory and the "Bella voice" reminding me of what transpired within or around the area since I met Bella.
Once in the elevator though, Bella attacked me. I mean attacked me. She placed her hand on my chest and pushed me against the wall of the small elevator. With a look of lust, longing and determination, she plunged her tongue in my mouth.
I moaned as her arms wrapped around my neck and she hopped up. I had to grab her ass to catch her. Her legs wrapped around my waist as her warm sex pressed against my abs. My cock, which was still at attention since we left the club, was straining against my jeans. "Bella, love, you're driving me crazy."
She hummed in agreement while kissing and licking my neck. The elevator dinged as we reached her floor. The doors opened, and I walked us into the hallway with her still attached to me. Not that I was complaining.
The voice in my head reminded me, "That's the first time you called her 'love,'" the voice whispered as if she was right beside me. I shivered, my palms sweating, and I felt myself straining in my pants.
Fuck! I shouldn't be feeling that way when I'm this fucking pissed! She was everywhere. Her scent, her things were everywhere I turned. In my car, my building, my room, my office, the elevators of our buildings. Every-fucking-where, there was no escaping the onslaught of memories. I had to get out! I closed my eyes; one fist clenched beside me and the other around the handle of my suitcase. The elevator dinged and I had finally reached our floor. "I guess it's not your floor anymore, is it?" I roared internally at my own warring mind in anger and pain.
More memories assaulted me the moment I walked into the hallway that led to our apartment.
Bella locked the apartment door behind us, a small gym bag in hand. We were heading to workout at the gym, one of our favorite things to do together. Besides sex of course.
She looked fucking glorious in a tiny pair of red shorts and a white tank top. I wanted to grope her as we walked toward the elevator, but she kept swatting my hand away. "Behave or we're not going to do what I have planned."The sinful, yet playful smirk on her face told me I'd like what she had in mind.
I stopped, pulled her by her hand toward my chest. I wrapped my arms around her small waist, kneading the skin at the small of her back.
"And what do you have planned?" I asked, kissing her along the length of her slender neck, hoping for an answer. She moaned as she always had when I nibbled there.
"Mirrors," she gasped when I bit gently at her collarbone.
Oh fuck. My eyes practically rolled in the back of my head as image after sexy image sprang from my imagination. Fuck, what the hell had I ever done to deserve this woman? I threw her over my shoulder, taking both our bags and ran to the elevator, desperate for our sparring session to begin.
Gasping for breath, my vision blurred from the tears that stung in them. I clutched the door know, barely managing to unlock it. Upon opening, I was assaulted with the scent of her perfume and her. She was everywhere. My vision blurred further. Does she love me? The question repetitive within my own confused mind, as it was important. Wasn't it? I took a few tentative steps inside, closing the door behind me.
"You seriously don't fucking remember last night, do you?" Her words, both said in anger and hurt, the memory so clear. I shook my head. It was only a few hours ago that she said those words to me, yet it felt like a lifetime ago. I clenched my fists a few times trying to control my breathing.
I walked toward the bedroom with my eyes closed but I remembered the small step up toward that section of the apartment. I opened my eyes and I regretted it instantly.
It was like a movie playing in my head. A movie I hadn't seen before, but I knew I was a part of. I saw myself push Bella against the wall, my nose grazing her neck and jaw as my fingers curled around the ring as I tore it from her neck. The look she wore of pain on her delicate face was torture. I sobbed, falling to my knees, my face in my hands as I tried to stop the images in front of my eyes. Half of me wanted to remember what happened last night, the other fought against it.
I taunted her, wearing the ring on my finger showing it to her. Tears filled her eyes, whimpering but her gaze never wavered. She stood there, and she hadn't fought me. She hadn't tried to defend herself after taking the ring from her, tear after tear fell from her eyes.
Despite the state of drunkenness I'd been in, I knew that my mind switched from love, hate, anger to sadness. The emotions were dizzying and all encompassing. I whispered to her to love me. She answered, and when I seemed to be satisfied by her answer, I slid my mother's ring on her finger.
"Marry me," I whispered in her ear, laying small searing kisses across her collarbones.
Without hesitation she answered, "In a heartbeat."
I let out a strangled cry because of the loss of memory. Nothing further came to me, but I had asked her to marry me and she said she would. Was she still wearing the ring?
Does she love me? If we worked it out last night, why hadn't she told me?
I stood on shaky limbs and took slow deliberate steps toward our bedroom. Once I passed the bedroom door, I ran to the dresser and started to grab clothes. The force I used to open the door caused it to bounce back and close with a thud, stirring more memories.
I had pleaded with her not to leave me. She said she would always be with me. I pleaded with her again, her answer the same: she wouldn't leave and she felt the same for me. I picked her up and slammed into her. Both groaning and our bodies moved together, I told her that the discussion would need to continue.
I asked her to marry me, to love me and to never leave me. Then I slapped that discussion in her face by doing what I did at the Gala. Why hadn't she said something before we left? Why did she not remind me?
"You wouldn't have believed her." Stupid "Bella voice."
I shook my head, trying to dispel the images of our bodies pressed together and the way held on to her, as if my life depended on it. Against the door, the floor and the bed, I'd been relentless and hungry for only what she could give me.
"You both were."
I shed my tux, still trying to clear my head. Once in the bathroom, I started to grab my toiletries, stuffing them into a travel bag. I passed the full length mirror in the corner and noticed bruises. It seemed as if I hadn't been the only one that held on too tight. I examined a large bruise at the small of my back. A few started to show up around my arms, smallish as if were fingertips.
I had to leave before I gave in – I had to go. Dressing quickly in jeans and a t-shirt, I zipped my suitcase closed and made my way down the hall when my cell phone rang again. I grabbed it checking who it was – Carlisle.
I answered. "Edward." I didn't say anything, but listened. "Son, you need to get down here." I remained silent. "If you're there, it's more serious than I thought."
I sighed and replied, "I'll be right there." Despite everything, I loved her with all of me and the thought of her being sick made my stomach twist in knots. In the office, I found my laptop on the desk along with my charger. It appeared to be still working. I scanned the CD shelf, though I had no clue why I wanted it, but my file weren't amongst her collection.
With everything in hand, I was ready to leave. However, I first had to face her, even if only long enough to make sure she was all right.
As I walked back to my building to grab my car, I called the pilots to delay my flight for a couple of hours. I arrived at the hospital in less than fifteen minutes, my suitcase tucked away in the trunk of my car. As I made my way through the hospital, my heart filled with pain and dread, I could see most of my family waiting. Alice approached me, but I shook my head, I had nothing to say to her. I stared straight ahead and walked into the room a nurse said Bella would be in.
There, on a small bed, Bella laid, the fluorescents making her skin look ghostly pale. I took a few deep breaths and with each one my resolve to leave her crumbled, brick by brick.
Her dark lashes lay on the apples of her cheeks, her chest rising and falling steadily. Though it was obvious that she slept, I could see that it wasn't peaceful—far from it. Her brow scrunched, lips parting in tiny gasps, in obvious pain. I wasn't sure if it was only physical or if she hurt as much as I did.
To see her like that again, reminded me so much of the night I had almost lost her. I almost lost her in the cruelest way, the cruelest until the truth had been revealed. The steps I took further into the room were almost as if I walked in quicksand. Fear of more truths, pain and the love holding me back as I fought to move forward.
There was a machine and IVs attached to her. Blood, but why was she having a transfusion?
"Edward," she whispered in her sleep. I stopped a few feet from the side of the bed when I heard the door open behind me.
"Edward," I heard behind me.
"Don't say anything, Alice," I said through clenched teeth.
"You need to know what's happening to her."
"Well there's blood there so I'm guessing she's have a transfusion. Her iron must have been dangerously low," I said without looking back at her.
"Yes, but do you know why she was so sick?" I sighed and shook my head. "She has fibroids on her uterus."
I tried to remember what they were – a type of benign tumor, not cancerous. Damn it, she should've told me. "Does she need surgery?"
"Maybe, she's…um, it's complicated Edward," Alice said, stalling on whatever she was trying to get at. Of course it was complicated, hadn't it been that way since Bella had come into my life. Something Alice and the rest of my family made sure of.
"Spit it out, Alice," I said, seething at this point. How dare she keep something like this from me? I had every right to know what was going on with Bella. I turned to glare at her.
Alice's eyes bore into my own before answering, "She's pregnant."
Dozens of thoughts ran through my mind, but the one that stuck the most was the one vision of our daughter, sitting on my shoulders, walking hand and hand with Bella. Then suddenly the image felt like it was ripped from me. I tried to remember any reason that she would be pregnant with my child; I'd seen her take her birth control pills before. There were several times she could've been with someone, another subject perhaps. Hell, when I left to take care of a project in California and she couldn't join me. Maybe that was the real reason.
I stood there for a few minutes stunned and hurt more than ever. Alice glared at me and her eyes narrowed. "I swear to God, Edward. If the next words out of your mouth are 'Is the baby mine?' I will fucking kick that pretty face of yours!" I looked at her and smirked. Ah, she knew me too well. "The baby is yours," she spat.
I rolled my eyes. "Why am I here?" I asked, turning back to face Bella again. I was so fucked, I had no idea what to think or do.
"Well you two need to talk," she said, the edge in her voice still there. "That much is fucking obvious. The surgery or even the medications could hurt the baby."
"Tell her to take care of it," I said indifferently, shrugging my shoulders. "She doesn't need me."
"What did you say?" Alice asked in a low whisper, trying to stay quiet, likely so she wouldn't disturb Bella. I turned toward her and I noticed she took a few more steps closer to me. I shrugged my shoulders and repeated my previous statement. She slapped me, damn, my poor fucking cheek. "What the hell do you mean 'take care of it?'" Alice was angry almost trembling from it.
"Get out," a raspy voice said behind me. Alice gasped, looking toward Bella. I turned and saw her dark eyes were on me. Her jaw was clenched tight and her breathing labored. "Get out."
"What, Bella?" I asked, trying to decipher the emotions in her eyes. Anguish. Anger. Pain. Do you love me?
"Leave," she said. Her gaze left mine as her hand ran over her stomach. A pang of pain hit me as she rubbed a few circles around her abdomen. She had no idea how much I wanted to touch her there, too. But the thought disappeared in a flash of anger, reminding me of the truths I had recently learned. "You're right, we don't need you."
"Of course not," I said, unable to keep the venom out of my voice. "I'm sure you have your next subject already lined up to give you a hand."
She snapped her eyes back to me. "Take your fucking ring and go," she said angrily, almost gasping out of breath. Tiring easily, her words softened as she continued. "I'll make the decision to risk surgery or not on my own. I don't need you." The moment she tried to remove the ring from her finger, the pain in my chest increased.
"Fuck!" I ran my fingers through my hair, thankful that Alice had left. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing or saying, much less what I was thinking. "I didn't mean it that way," I said in a frustrated tone. "I meant to do whatever you think needs to be done. You know… to ensure your health."
"Sure you did," Bella said menacingly.
"What the fuck do you want from me?" With frustrating tugs on my hair, I started to pace again. "Less than twenty-four hours, I come to find out that my family and the love of my life betrayed me." I thumped my fist on my chest, a way for her know where I hurt so fucking badly. "You've all been lying to me." The words ended in a desperate gasp and as I breathed in deeply, she needed to know how the trust had been obliterated. "How the hell do I know if you're really pregnant?"
A soft sigh fell from her lips, shadows already forming beneath her eyes. "I'm not going to answer that question, and you know the reason why. I'd never use a child as an excuse for you remain in my life." The words were said in her softest of voices, a tone I had only heard whenever she whispered she loved me. It was truths and fears, whispered in the most intimate of moments.
It was then I realized that she wouldn't lie, not about a child. The rest hit me even harder; Bella was irrevocably tied to me forever. A part of me, a rather large part, couldn't deny the desire I had for it to be true. However, she was right. A child shouldn't be the only reason to be in one each other's lives. What the fuck are we supposed to do?
Before I could form a coherent thought, so I could talk, Bella continued, "You need to watch the rest of the videos. They'll explain everything I was feeling throughout the first week that I met you."
The fucking videos, the ones that analyzed and pointed out how much of a fucking asshole I'd been. Still was. "What the hell is that going to prove?"
When her eyes met mine again, all of the anger was gone in her glistening brown eyes. "That I closed the case because I fell in love with you."
I blanched and literally recoiled from the words, stepping away from her. I hadn't been ready for them, not when the drama had unfolded merely hours prior. My reaction caused her beautiful eyes to widened and fill further. A sob escaped her, and it took what little control I had left to remain standing and not taking her hand.
Shaking my head, I gasped, "I can't…don't say that." Though my eyes were closed, afraid to see the broken look upon her face, I could hear the despair in her soft spoken reply of "okay."
I had to put a stop to that conversation, though the next one would prove even harder. "How far along are you?"
There was no hesitation in her answer. "Almost eight weeks."
Quickly, I calculated, thinking back to when it could've happened. And again, I was thrust in memories I hadn't been ready to explore. I groaned in both frustration and pain. A mere memory turned me in knots. "The week that Daniel died," I whispered. Unable to stay away any longer, I took a few steps closer to her.
She nodded in confirmation. "I was already taking St. John's Wart for two weeks and with all that happened, I completely forgot about the drug interactions." I remained quiet, unable to come up with anything to say. I was going to be a father; the reality of that still hadn't hit me. "It wasn't on purpose. I'm not trying to latch on to you and I'm not after your money."
"I know, Bella," I said softly. And I did. "You don't need the money or the family name. But –" I trailed off, unable to say that I wasn't sure what it meant for us.
"I'm not asking you take me back," she said, dropping her eyes to her lap. "Right now, I don't even know if I want to go back." That last part hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. I hadn't even considered that possibility. Do you love me?
"It's not because I don't love you, because hell, I do – so much," she said, but that time her words were firm and fucking real. At least a part of me believed them to be. "However, I can't handle it, Edward. I can't handle you walking away when things get tough. Not from me and now my baby."
Despite the firm tone in which she spoke and the fierceness in her eyes, her words struck me harshly as if I'd been punched.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! And I strike out at the one of the things she said that scared me. "Our baby, Bella," I snapped. It was our baby, not only hers.
Her eyes snap back up to look into mine and I could see the small wince of pain. The idea of her hurting clawed into me. "Are you…going to take her from me?"
Oh God. "Bella, fuck… I wouldn't do that to you."
She shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks. The softness returned to her eyes. "Don't do this, Edward," Bella whispered, her tone was desperate.
"Do what?"
"You're leaving again," she said. "I know you are. I need you here."
"You fucking said that you didn't know if you wanted me back," I lashed out, throwing her words back at her. "What the hell do you want from me?"
"I'm as confused as you are!" she screamed, closing her eyes. Dark lashes fluttered for a moment against the pale skin of her face. And for a moment, I was lost in her. God, how I wanted to turn back the clock. I wished I hadn't found that CD, to have remained in the dark, but still in the light of her. Now lost in the darkness of the ugly truth, I was her subject. A part of me believed that had she revealed the truth in a way that hadn't been so harsh, that we'd be at home, working things out.
"Love me," she whispered, repeating my own words from the previous night.
"Always," I answered.
"Don't leave."
My voice was hoarse, as my throat tightened. "I can't stay."
"If you leave," she said as she closed her eyes and lay back onto the bed. "Don't come back—to me." The implication in her words was clear. If I left her there in the hospital, I couldn't back to her, only to our child.
"I need to think, love," I whispered, though her pet name felt almost foreign in the light of the truth, it hadn't felt bitter. However, she needed to understand. "Everything in my head is all jumbled up. I have to put some of those pieces back together to see if I can make sense of them. I can't do this here!"
"You hear that I have to have surgery that may put our baby in danger and all you can think about is running!" she screamed, causing her heart rate to increase. Her eyes and brow furrowed and glared at me.
"I can't…I don't want…fine," I said giving in.
"Yeah, whatever," she muttered, closing her eyes, shutting me out.
"Look, I said fine," I snapped. "I'm fucking staying and you're response is whatever?"
She opened her eyes, and finally I could see the vulnerability there. Something I hadn't seen since Daniel's death. "What do you expect me to say? Thank you? It's obvious you don't want to stay. I don't want to force you then, so go run and hide." I glared at her, even if her accusation was spot on. My entire life I'd run from everything that hurt me. "What, Edward? It's what you're good at."
I ignored her, since in her eyes I could see a semblance of truth. She was as confused as I was. Taking a chair in my hands, I brought it closer to the bed. Unable to resist the temptation to touch her, I took her hand in my own. My fingers glided gently over her knuckles and palm. I kissed the ring still on her finger. I could pretend for a little while. Does she love me?
"Tell me, what are our options?" I asked softly.
"There's medication to shrink them, but that can harm the baby. So that option is out," she said almost robotically. That should've been my first warning that she was on edge of falling apart.
"There are a few types of surgeries that they can perform. All of them present some danger to the baby. But it's better to do it now before the baby gets too big. There is also waiting, sometimes the hormones during pregnancy can make them go away on their own. But in my case the fibroids are too big so that can be dangerous to us both."
Not only did I stand to lose the baby if we waited to see, but her, too. That wasn't an option. Though the pregnancy happened without a warning, I knew deep down, losing the baby would destroy us both. "What do you think is the best option?"
"Surgery through small incisions, the doctor said he believes that they are outside of my uterus, so that would be easiest and less evasive for the baby."
"But that would require more recovery time for you," I said. She nodded in confirmation. "How soon can they schedule surgery?" I asked kissing her knuckles again.
"Tomorrow morning after my iron goes back up," Bella said quietly.
"I think that would be best, too," I whispered. "If I had more time to research, I'd be able to give you a more reassuring answer." I smiled sheepishly, her eyes softening further. She pulled her hand from mine and gently ran a fingertip over my mouth.
God, I fucking loved her so much. "Why didn't you tell me, Bella?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't want to scare you."
I shook my head in disbelief. We both remained quiet, avoiding the elephant in the room. We had to stop pretending. "Why, Bella?" Even though they were only two words, my voice cracked with unspeakable pain.
"Are you sure you want to hear this now?" I nodded. She sighed. "I wanted to help your family, by helping you."
"It's not about the money," I said, stating it more like a fact that a question.
"I never asked for anything more than expenses," she replied. "Julian's brother offered to pay for my monthly expenses so I could devote my entire time on Julian."
I thought about that for a moment. "Jacob," I said. I knew he had to be the first.
"We dated off and on in high school. But after I left for college, we never broached our relationship again. Then I made him a school project at first," she said, shaking her head, grimacing. "I was doing a paper, a study on how men act differently toward different types of personalities. A sexy confident woman versus a sweet innocent girl. Sweet and innocent worked for him, but we hadn't actually tried to date again. I hadn't allowed it to go further than flirtation. However, Sam asked me to help him; he said he noticed a difference in Jacob since we started seeing each other again. I tried to explain that we were only friends, but he told me how Jacob was sleeping with everyone on the res and it was causing problems.
"At the time I didn't want him to become like my brother. So I started to seriously date him, but it was also an extension of my study. I know that sounds cold, but that's how I saw it."
I nodded, silently asking her to continue.
"Then all hell broke loose," she said, her voice quivering. "Brianna died and Jordan almost did. I leaned on Jacob. I tried not to analyze everything, but I did, allowing me to keep up with his file. I thought of it more than journals at the time, at least that was my excuse.
"Over time, I wanted to see what would happen if I was more like myself. By then I had already been clubbing, dressing differently and was taking dance classes. I was much more confident. I used that in my study with him. I started leaking my own personality into the person I had created for him. He didn't like it, because he found me too aggressive. I broke it off with him, and I was cold. I was a bitch. I used his line that he'd given to other woman. 'It's not you it's me.'"
Bella paused and pointed at a plastic cup on the table beside me. I grabbed it and helped her take a drink of water. She whispered her thanks, handing me the cup before continuing.
"He came back a few days later, begging me to take him back. I told him I couldn't and then I showed him his files. He was angry, of course. I didn't see him for almost a month. Then suddenly, he was there at my door asking me for help. He had slept with Sam's wife and felt horrible. He felt the guilt associated with his actions. He saw what he had become and hated himself for it."
"You helped him realize that there could be more to sex than just sex. And that sex can sometimes come with consequences."
She nodded. "He dated for a few months and he was much happier about it. Much more fulfilled. He developed feelings for a couple of women but he still couldn't find his match. Then the barbeque."
"That's where he met your cousin."
"Yes and the rest was history. I had no intentions to continue my study any longer, until Maria."
"Julian's wife?" I had no idea why I wanted to know these things, but I felt I had to know. I had to know if there really was a difference between them and me.
She nodded. "Maria was my roommate in college, and we took a few dance classes together. Julian was our dance instructor, and Maria's best friend. He made several passes at me, but I completely ignored him. I knew Maria had feelings for him and what he was – a player. Then one night Maria and I were on our way back to our apartment across campus when we were mugged.
"One of Julian's many girlfriends thought Maria and me were distractions. Her brother held me up and I had to watch my friend get beaten. Then it was my turn, the brother I think he wanted to do more to me," her breath caught, and I knew she was reliving those moments. My free hand clenched in a fist, wishing, even after everything, that I could find the asshole and hurt him. "I was knocked out, so I don't remember much, but someone found us before he could do anything. It was Julian's brother, David."
I looked at her noticing the pain and sadness in her eyes. "He took me home and we both helped Maria, since she refused to go to the hospital. Then David found my journals about Jacob. While Maria slept, he begged me to help his brother. I told him I couldn't do it again. That it takes too much time, and I had to work through college. My parents' life insurance was barely covering Jordan's medical expenses. He said he'd pay for all my monthly expenses."
"Maria?" I asked curiously.
"I couldn't do this without her consent, David and I told her. At first she was angry but a few days later she agreed. Julian didn't believe her when she told him who it was that beat her."
"Why did you ask my family for money, if you hadn't anyone else?"
She sighed, averting her eyes from mine. For a few moments she seemed to gather her thoughts. "You were the first that I asked for actual compensation and were going to be my last. I knew that you were going to be a handful. I had done research and you were the worst case I had ever seen."
I nodded, not in understanding, but in agreement. "What about the location of your apartment and where you went to the gym?" I asked.
"That was a coincidence," she said, looking at me. "I had found my apartment weeks before taking your...case."
"I should hate you," I said firmly. The words however, burned in my mouth. Not even with the truth causing a hole in my chest to form, I couldn't fucking hate her.
"You should."
"I should be yelling at you now."
"You can." And I knew she'd allow me to, just like the night before. She felt she deserved it, but why?
Fuck, all of it was so damn confusing. I had no idea what was real and part of the charade. "Why am I not doing that?"
"I think it's because you're worried about me," she said quietly. I nodded. "You don't want to hurt me despite everything."
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked, laying my head on the bed, her hand still in mine.
"If you need to go, then go, Edward. I won't force you to stay here," she whispered a light sob, escaping from her lips. I remained quiet. "Go home and sleep. I'll have them schedule surgery tomorrow. If you need to leave then go." Her fingers ran hand through my hair, in a gesture meant to soothe. Instead it was painful to know that we might never be together again. Not like before.
I sobbed lightly, causing her to do the same. "Do you love me, Bella?"
"I do."
A part of me believed her, but the other wondered if she'd record about that conversation in one of her fucking video journals. I nodded, quickly rising to my feet. For a moment I closed my eyes, unable to meet her eyes again. I knew if I had, I'd never leave. I bent forward, where I knew her face lay on the pillow, and kissed her forehead. I turned swiftly and fled the room, leaving her behind. In a show of extraordinary strength from Bella, I didn't hear her cry until I was down the hall. Even though I hadn't turned back, I knew Nessie and Alice went into the room after I left.
Jacob and Jasper attempted to stop me, but Carlisle stood between us, and motioned for me to leave.
"Fucking coward," Jacob hissed as I passed. And I was, because I had done it again. I left her, even though I knew in some way she was hurting over me. But I was hurting, too, and I needed to think – to breathe. Though a part me felt I'd never breathe again, not without her.
~oOo~
For over a week, I'd been running and swimming to the point of exhaustion daily. It was the only way to keep the dreams and nightmares at bay. Even then, more than once I'd woken up in a cold sweat.
I thought that leaving Seattle, that I'd be able to breathe again. However, it seemed futile without my fucking heart. It hadn't gotten easier, because I still couldn't breathe. All the more obvious when only several minutes earlier, during my last jog, I had bumped into little Becky again. The same little girl that Bella and I had found, while hiking near the falls.
"Edward!" she cried out, wrapping her little arms around my leg. Her mother caught up with her and apologized.
"It's fine. It's good to see you, Becky." I smiled down at her bright smile. She grinned and motioned for me to pick her up. I looked at her mother who nodded, indicating it was all right.
I lifted Becky into my arms and she wrapped hers around my neck. "Where's Bella?" she asked, looking behind me, as if she expected Bella to be wherever I'd be.
I sighed but kept my smile. "She's at home, in Washington."
"She should be here with you, Edward."
"I agree," I told her honestly. And it was the truth, she should be with me. God, how I wanted her to be with me – for real.
"So…" she trailed off.
"So," I repeated, cocking an eyebrow in question.
"When's the wedding?"
I sighed and almost lost it then. I had tried to keep my emotions in check, but the pain I felt from her words lanced through me.
"We're not getting married, Becky."
"Yes, you are. You have to look, see, and listen."I looked at her curiously, wondering where I had heard those same words. She smiled, placing her tiny hands on my chest. "With your heart."
When I returned to the beach house, I went straight to my laptop. It sat on an end table, taunting me secretly. I had to see. Pressing a button, I turned it on and noticed that there was a disc in it. I opened the drive, finding my CD file inside. On it, in Bella's script were the words, look, see and listen.
Placing it back in the drive, I waited for it to run and I clicked on the Daily Log file. Though I had seen the first few videos, and hated them, I needed to know. What? I had no clue. There was an entry for the same Friday we met, time stamped 2:32 in the morning. It was after we saw each other at the club where I had made a colossal asshole out of myself by being jealous of her with someone else.
I clicked on it.
In the video, Bella sat in front of the computer in a blue silk robe. "I got back from the club where I met Edward and his family. The night started like I thought it would. But I'm getting too close to Alice and Rosalie, they insisted on dinner. They asked the question everyone asks. Why I'm doing this? I refused to answer, because they didn't need to know why. They seem genuinely worried about me, but they have nothing to worry about. I'm a big girl."
She sighed and shook her head, smiling. "Now about Edward, there's something there I hadn't expected. No, that's not true. I had felt it the first time I'd met him. I just hadn't expected it to remain. When he arrived at the club, I could feel when he entered the room. I felt him. And hell, it fucking scares me. I brought in Mike, former subject number nine, and my client Tyler to help with me tonight. I had no intentions to use a complete stranger to grope me. It was only to see if Edward is capable of jealously or a need to protect me. I hadn't intended to so early, but he shown some with James and even Emmett."
Bella ran her fingers through her hair then continued. "I have to admit that I felt a twinge of jealously when he started to dance with someone else. However, he didn't take his eyes off of me. I liked it, a lot. It was the way he looked at me, causing chills throughout my body. I had to get off the dance floor before I did something stupid."
She smiled deliciously, a smile I'd seen countless times. "Like mount him," she said, laughing softly. I groaned, loving the idea of her doing that. "I left the dance floor, but had to touch him once at least. It was way too soon for me to show my hand so early, but I couldn't resist the urge. It was only a brush of my fingers across his strong back, but there was promise in that simple touch. I think he knew it, too." She rolled her eyes, cursing under breath, shivering visibly. I chuckled, no one could fake that shit.
"I left the dance floor and met a Strawberry Tart named Tanya. What the fuck was he thinking? How could he sleep with someone that would see him leave with woman after woman? A part of me refused to believe that he was that fucking cold-hearted. But his reaction showed no remorse, only worry about my reaction to her. I did some research on Tanya before, when I talked with David before about Edward and his family. I remembered her name from somewhere. She has a history of mental illness, and a patient of a local colleague. She may pose a threat, so I made arrangements with David. She'll no longer serve the Cullen's."
Tanya had a history of mental illness, fuck. I had no fucking idea. Christ, how many times had Alice warned me to ignore Tanya's flirting?
"Only as a precaution," Bella continued on the video. "Anyway, after a little chat with Edward, discussing what I knew about him, he tried to use a clever line. I almost fell for it. Unfortunately, his nose twitched. He's not ready to get too close, all in due time. We did dance, but I went too far, too fast. Fuck. I couldn't help myself. I never danced the way we did with a subject so soon." Bella sighed, shaking her head.
"I wanted more, thankfully Edward wanted a drink. After we sat with his family back in the VIP room, I decided to set the trap. I signaled Mike and Tyler. And I must admit that I was not expecting Edward's possessive nature to be unleashed after only a day. I thought the morning incident with James was nothing more than a territorial battle between them, like first dibs or something. Men! But at the club, Edward clearly showed that he didn't want me leaving with Mike and actually told me I couldn't go with him. We argued in the end, and he showed a touch of vulnerability. He was genuinely concerned but he didn't know why."
In the video, Bella rose to her feet and started to pace. "It's too soon to have him meet Jacob. Way too soon, because if he showed this much jealously with a stranger, I can't imagine what he'd do once he realizes that Jacob is an ex. I need to make a call to Jacob. I need to know more about what happened between them. Okay, that's enough for now, until Monday."
The video stopped and the player automatically went to the next video to Sunday's video. The day we seen each other at the gym. I clicked play.
She was pacing the room in her blue cotton shorts and black sports bra, fuck. "Oh God, I almost…shit. I just got back from what was supposed to be my first time in my new gym and who is there? He's there. Edward. Shit. I was not prepared for this encounter. I almost left. Jacob and Nessie were supposed to meet me for sparring, but they cancelled. Thank God. It would've been a disaster if he saw Jacob. Shit. Edward looked nothing short of breathtaking. I wanted to lick him. I'm fucking serious. I wanted to lick the sweat off his chest. Shit. I'm in too deep and it's been three damn days! I need to step away. I'll call Alice tomorrow after work and set up a meeting or something. I can't do this. He's… fuck. I'm too attracted to him. I mean, it's happened before. There has always been a level attraction with the others before. But this is off the freaking charts."
She turned toward the camera, grabbing something from the side. She brought a bottle of water to her mouth, drinking deeply. I cursed my reaction to a supposedly simple act as I watched a trickle of water down her chin and onto her chest.
After she finished, she wiped her mouth with a few fingers. "Then I come to find out that we have another thing in common – sparring. Damn. I thought it would be a good thing to test his protective nature again. It worked when he thought he hurt me. He actually tried to comfort me, so there is some compassion in him, he was sweet. I wanted to see his competitive nature and see if he'd hold back because I was a woman. He had no problem showing off even against me. Good, but I was quick to show him what I was capable of. It surprised him when I mounted him." A smiled twitched at the corners of her mouth, looking wistful, lost to the memory. "He seemed impressed then and I noticed how much he liked me." Her lips lifted to a sweet smile. "I almost kissed him."
She wanted me as much as I wanted her. I continued to watch the videos. Monday's mentioned our lunch and that she had some suspicions about how Jacob just happened to show up when we were at lunch together. She also said she told my family that she wanted to quit, but they convinced her not to. She seemed reluctant to continue. She also indicated that we shared our first kiss too soon. She hadn't expected that I would destroy my sim card to date her. She explained how I was the first to successfully pass the Drunk Bella test.
Tuesday's consisted of our day together, including lunch and our encounter with Daniel.
"He seemed worried about me. Once again, his protective nature shined through. When we started to talk about last night, I found I couldn't lie to him. I told him the truth, that I tested him. I didn't tell him the whole reason I tested him, but he took it pretty well. We made arrangements for dinner at my place. Then there was Daniel. Edward actually threw a punch to protect me. I found it incredibly arousing, but it wasn't necessary. Daniel was already scared to death." She made a note somewhere off screen, muttering something about making notes in Daniels' file.
"We shared an intimate dinner together where I fed him because of his hurt hand. Honestly, I wanted to have a reason to stare at his mouth. The night progressed nicely, and I was happy to give him a little dance. Once again, I have to note, a reminder. I'm in way too deep. I'm…" she shook her head and fanned herself.
"I like him. I like him a lot. The way he looked at me drove me insane so I let myself give in. I wanted him so bad, and if it wasn't for my brother's phone call, I would've given in completely. I have no idea what would've happened if we had slept together. Would he have tossed me aside?" In the video, her smile fell and she wrapped her arms around her chest and knees. "I'm scared."
I watched all the videos for the rest of the week. Until Friday morning after I left to get ready at my place before we left to work. The day we left for the falls.
"This is Bella Swan. Subject Edward Cullen will be my last subject. After I speak with his family on Saturday, the case will be officially closed. I won't allow them to talk out of it. The reason for closing this case, I love him. Somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and in less than a week. I see something in his eyes. I think he feels the same or maybe he's almost there, but he's not ready to admit it. I hope he does this weekend. Today I will give my heart to him. If after this weekend, he chooses to still toss me aside I will…oh God –" She sobbed, tears falling from her eyes as she reached to turn off the camera.
I ran the fingers through my hair. She loved me. She loves me. Why would she pretend on a video? She wouldn't. Would she? There was one more video. The night I left her after Tanya almost killed her.
Bella sat in her bed, this time she used her laptop. Her eyes red and puffy from crying, wiping as more tears fell. "He's gone. He left. Why did he leave me? I let him. I didn't even fight him after what happened with Tanya. I let him leave because at least he's leaving still in love with me. If he knew the truth – if I told him he'd hate me. At least this way, I know he loves me.
"I found out something Friday. Jacob and Alice had planned this. They wanted Edward and me to fall in love. The entire family had motives, and I knew it when I started this. But those two made sure to move it along faster. The gym that first time, Jacob canceled because Alice had called that Edward was going to the gym and that was the same one I went to. They knew Edward wouldn't resist the chance to talk to me. Sparring had intensified our physical relationship faster. Then that Monday, where Edward and I had lunch together, Emmett had called Alice to tell her. Alice made Jacob bump into us, which caused Edward's jealously to surface, which in turn made him want me more. Even fucking Margarita Monday was planned. They didn't tell Edward I was coming, and I hadn't known he was. Even Wednesday was planned. They planned it all.
"I am so fucking angry. If they hadn't had interfered then maybe Edward and I would've met on our own terms. Perhaps we would've bumped into each other at the club, or the gym even work. I had already had planned on contacting Esme about my project and foundation." For a few minutes I watched as she cried. "I love him and now I have to let him go."
The video ended, and the anger coursed through me harshly. I threw my computer against the wall. My family tried to fix me and I may have lost the only chance at love. They not only broke me, but her, too.
Would she recover? Did she hate me now? Does she love me?
There were so many fucking emotions, and so much pain and anger. And it was all because my family fucking meddled with my life, our lives. They sent me the woman of my dreams to break my heart so that I'd learn my lesson. Instead they broke two souls, who were going to be tied together for the rest of our lives because of a child. I'd have to endure the fucking pain for the rest of my life. And I had no doubt that I'd never recover from this. I know I'd love our baby with everything in me. But there was Bella.
Bella. Does she love me? The video indicated she had. Why do I still doubt it? Slowly, I rose to my feet and walked up to my mother's painting. I stared at it, trying to get myself to settle down.
The last time I stood there, Bella was beside me. I shared my thoughts and memories of my past with her. She laughed and cried with me, and I loved her then. Had she? I opened the safe and pulled out our picture from what seemed like a lifetime ago.
They say that a picture was worth a thousand words. Looking at our picture, the delicate features of her face and the look in our eyes, there was only one word that picture invoked in me – love.
I had to go home, to Bella. I ran through the house, stuffing clothes in my bag. Then I called the pilot as I readied the house for me to leave. I left a message with Ruth that I had to leave suddenly, and that I needed her to clean up my mess and take whatever food I had there.
Less than a few hours later, I returned home. Once I was on the tarmac, I turned on my cell phone, finding my voicemail box and text messages were full. I listened to the last message as I got into my car that I left in the long-term parking.
"Edward, I know you're ignoring your messages," Jasper said quietly, as if he was afraid he'd be overheard. What the fuck was going on? "But you need to get back here. Bella is not doing well. She's…fuck. She's going to be fucking committed into the psyche ward. If you fucking love her, you need to get her out of here." I checked the time and it was only from an hour earlier.
Fuck. I flew toward the hospital, and once I reached it, I ignored my family as I strode to her room. Carlisle and Alice were talking amongst themselves as a doctor looked Bella over.
My body automatically walked to her. Bella's eyes were blank and wide open. She lay on her side, staring at the ceiling. It was if she wasn't aware of anyone in the room. She closed herself up as she had done dozens of times after Daniel's suicide.
"How long has she been like this?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Since you left, Edward," Alice whispered from behind me.
My fists clutched at my sides, fucking hell. "You could've fucking went to look for me." Had I known, I would've returned in a heartbeat. No matter the pain I'd been in.
Alice ignored me. "After surgery, she stopped eating and has been like this. No one can get her to snap out of it."
"She's a danger to her and the baby, we're waiting for a bed upstairs," the doctor indicated.
"She's going be taken care of upstairs, son." Carlisle said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I jerked my shoulder away from him.
"We're just trying to do what's best for her," Alice said.
"By having her fucking committed. Are you crazy? That will kill her," I growled. I had enough of their fucking help. She had enough of their fucking help. I swept Bella up in my arms, thankful that she no longer had an IV in her hand.
"Sir, you can't take her like this," the doctor said.
I glared at him. "Like hell I can't. Try to fucking stop me."
"Who the hell are you?" the doctor said as I turned toward the door, walking out into the hallway. My family watched us as I continued toward the exit.
"Her fiancé."
"Edward, think about what you're doing." Alice pleaded as I made it to the car. I managed to open my door with the tips of my fingers. I took a moment to look at Bella; her face was still blank, staring up at the darkening sky.
"Son, she needs to stay in the hospital for her and the baby's health," Carlisle said in a calm voice as I placed Bella in the passenger seat.
"You've all done enough" I hissed. "I saw the video journal when she found out she was played too. If you hadn't have interfered, we would've met on our terms." I closed the door after I secured Bella in her seat.
Alice shook her head. "We were just trying to help you both." I opened my door, looking at Jacob and Nessie and along with a few members of my family. I climbed in my car, but lowered the window and glared at them all.
"Fuck off, Alice. I can take care of my family."
AN: Phew, that was tough.