Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Takeshi Obata and Tsugumi Ohba do. Anything else I make reference to is not owned by me either, but it'd spoil the fun if I listed them all here.
Episode the 23rd: Friend Z
L and Light are watching Misa's commercial, L licks his lips and begins eating a banana.
Light: L calm down it's just a commercial.
L: At least I'm attracted to women.
Matsuda: And so I'm in a hotel room drinking with them
Announcer: And you started picking up some odd vibes
Matsuda: If I gave you anymore details I think the people who were there that night would figure out which one of them is gay.
Announcer: Okay, I won't press too far it was quite an ordeal for you.
Higuchi is watching in his car
Announcer: And so at that party you were hit on by one of the members of Yotsuba
Matsuda: Yes but at that time I thought he was just friendly I had no way of knowing he was gay.
Announcer: And so you came here despite the emotional trauma he put you through, and the fact that he could out you as gay as well, you're very courageous.
Matsuda: In order to out someone as gay, he needs two things.
Higuchi: A name and a face.
Matsuda: But he only knows one of those two things about me, so I'm safe.
Higuchi: So you think you're safe huh? You won't be feeling so safe when I take your Philosopher's Stone
Rem what do you think?
Rem: You actually care what I think?
Light: Rem who's that? Is he hiding a midget in his coat?
L: Perhaps, but a midget would produce a visible bulge, it's possible it's his imaginary friend.
Higuchi: Not especially, but I'm pretty screwed right now.
Rem: Well it doesn't matter to me one way or another.
Higuchi: You're a supernatural being and he's a supernatural being shouldn't you be natural enemies?
Misa: Mayb hez torking 2 Sultan?
L: No, no one in this show has the same religious beliefs as another character.
Rem: What does he mean supernatural being? Homunculi are man made, I'm otherworldly. I can't even begin to tell you where you're wrong on that one.
Announcer: Only one hour left until we out him!
Rem: Have you considered that he might possibly not be a homunculus?
Higuchi: How else could he have survived that fall? I saw him go splat! He has to be a homunculus!
Misa: Homunculus? Whut izz he talking abut
L: Man made humans, he's not far off he's referring to Matsuda, we did make him with science but he's only a clone, I didn't feel like losing my cake eating hand for him.
Light: What about the other one?
Rem: What if he is some other form of immortal, like a vampire or Christopher Walken?
Higuchi: That's a good point Rem, I should pick up a silver cross and a stake, oh and what kills vampires?
Light: In fact I don't think I've ever seen you establish a preference for eating out of one hand specifically! It's not even possible! You need to hold a fork and the plate!
L: That's just the point, they're both my cake eating hands. This however is my banana eating hand. Eats banana right handed.
Rem: How about returning the Note to me, you will lose all memories of being gay.
Higuchi: No, the damage to my reputation will be done already. Even if I have live torrid sex with a girl everyone will think I'm gay.
Announcer: So what would you say if he was watching right now?
Matsuda: I would tell him I'm pregnant with his love child!
Higuchi: What the hell? Is that even possible? I didn't even have sex with him…and he's a man! No, this is anime, I can't count out any possibility I have to kill him and his child, but I'll need an expert's help for that.
Stops car.
Light: Where is he now?
L: The address of Kotonoha Katsura, owner of a Nice Boat and a master at performing unlicensed abortions.
Higuchi: No one's here, Kotonoha must be off on another date with Makoto's severed head. I'll just take her trusty aborting butcher's knife. I think it's in this drawer.
L: Now show me how you're going to kill Matsuda.
Mogi: In position ready to bring that limp wrist sonufabitch down.
Higuchi: Now to write in my journal, dear diary, today is about to be a FABULOUS day! I'm going to kill that m-pregged vampire humonculus and no one will know my secret, no one except you.
Light: What the hell is this? A butcher's knife doused in holy water with an alchemy drawing on it? What is he planning to do?
Mogi: So do I tackle him?
L: No, this is getting interesting I want to see what he does with his genre bending superweapon.
Light: You know seeing that multipurpose murder weapon reminded me of something
L: Yes I feel we're over looking an important detail about Higuchi as well.
Higuchi: I'm gonna kill you so bad.
Matsuda: That man is a cold blooded buttrapist who won't pay my child support, I can't wait to out him.
Higuchi: THAT'S IT! I CAN'T STAND THIS GUY! You wouldn't think Kira would have to go to all this trouble to kill someone!
Light: Kira, what's a Kira?
L: The name does seem familiar, what a minute, it's all coming back now, we're trying to catch Kira, not prove someone's gay or not. You'd think I'd learn not to fall for this trick a second time.
Light: Well it's not too late, we could still try to catch him, that was pretty much a confession.
L: Fortune has smiled upon us, not only will I out a high level celebrity, but I catch Kira as well. I should celebrate, but which variation of cake should I have?
Announcer: We'll out him in 15 minutes
Higuchi: Damn, there's not much time left! Okay let me think about this, I don't have time to dilly dally and figure out what kind of mythical unkillable beast he is, but if I get the Shinigami eyes I should be able to at least see if he's still human enough to kill once I know his real name. Of course, it's so simple, I got carried away with these grandiose nightmares of vampires and Christopher Walkens. He's probably just a plot protection hero who's able to stand up to comical abuse.
Rem let's make the deal.
Light: So Ryuzaki, are we pursuing him as Kira?
L: I like angel food cake, but perhaps a dump cake would work as well.
Light: Ryuzaki?
L: But dump cake doesn't have a bottom so it will spill all over the place, maybe an ice cream cake? Though you can't count out the merits of a well blended marble cake.
Higuchi: Now that I have the eyes nothing can stop me! This truly is the best deal I've ever made!
Police car chases Higuchi
Policeman: Pull over
Higuchi complies
Policeman: You were speeding I'd hate to bring you downtown, maybe we can resolve this?
Higuchi: Kyosuke Higuchi commands you, die!
L: Then again I'm not that hungry, I could deal with maybe just a shortcake or two….
Policeman: What?
Higuchi: I command you, kill yourself! Go on, say "yes my lord" and go off yourself.
Rem: Higuchi, I gave you Shinigami eyes not a Geass.
Higuchi: Oh yeah writes policeman's name down.
Policeman: Hey! I would have settled for a bribe!
Policeman tries to pursue but his head ASPLODE!
Mogi: the policeman is dead.
Light: He killed him? How?
L: I think for sure I can say I don't want a carrot cake, I don't feel like anything remotely healthy.
Light: Ryuzaki quit spacing out, some series shit is going down!
L: I should get some for Light to-Huh? Oh uh, everyone Higuchi is Kira….and uh he can kill people just by seeing them, take precaution. I hope that was relevant.
Commercial Bump
Misa Speek for Dummies
Misa suffers from a rare disease which jumbles up all the words she says and makes them unintelligible to everyone. The others simply act like they know what she is saying to mess with Light. Misa is currently being researched by the top Shinigami scientists, however attempts to remedy the situation were halted when Mayuri Kurotsuchi's proposal of a speech filter implant was voted down upon discovery that it also contained a rider which included detailed plans to add rocket boosters to her feet. Kurotsuchi defended the necessity of such an addition when he said "But it's for science!" Longtime friend Orochimaru agreed with Mayuri but said he voted against the proposal because "it lacked a provision for funds to invade Konoha and kidnap young boys."
End Commercial Bump
L: Watari, put me through to the director of the NPA.
Watari: Yes sir
L: This is L, I'm about to apprehend Kira, bet you wish you'd stuck around now, but none of you did, not even Xehanort.
Xehanort: To be fair, I had more pressing matters involving catching the Keyblade user, who's far more dangerous than Kira with his Triangle button.
L: So now you can all just sit back and watch as I bring him to justice, bitches
Light: Okay dad, during the next commercial break commence operation Chucky.
Soichiro: Mr. Jameson, prepare to switch Matsuda and the announcer's body with mannequins, then play "Love in an Elevator" by Aerosmith, the mannequins will come to life and either seduce or kill Higuchi.
L: Come to think of it Light, how can we be sure the mannequins will come to life? We never actually tested that theory
Light: We should make sure beforehand.
L handcuffs Misa and ties her to chair
L: Sorry Misa, you're the only test subject left, now don't go anywhere while Light and I take the rofL-copter to the department store.
Misa: Whut! Butt dat's nut cool!
In the rofL-copter
Light: Hell yeah, this feels like freaking Ghost in the Shell!
L: I have yet to encounter a problem that can't be solved with helicopter theft.
Light: Screw the mannequins let's go scare the shit out of Higuchi with this thing.
L: Now you're using your head. Come in Wedy, is this little blip on my helicopter's map supposed to be Higuchi?
Wedy: No that's the location of Willy Wonka's Delivery Van.
L: Decisions, decisions, eh I'll always have time to get that van, switch it to show me Higuchi's car.
At Yotsuba
Higuchi: Damn, who taped over all the security cameras with episodes of the Flavor of Love? How am I supposed to see his name now? And why didn't New York win in the second season if she came back? No I can't waste time thinking about this, I've got to get that name.
Drives off
rofL-copter
Light: Dad, Higuchi is on his way to Sakura TV, are the mannequins alive yet?
Soichiro: No son and we've played every Aerosmith song we can think of, we're just gonna ambush and shoot him the old fashioned way.
At Sakura TV
Wedy: Are you ready Mr. Yagami? Here have this gun.
Soichiro: No it's against the law.
Wedy: Aiber doesn't like guns and you won't take one, how the hell are we supposed to ambush and kill him if we're unarmed? Fine don't blame me if you take a bullet.
Higuchi: Yes I made it, hey why is no one here? Oh screw it, it's probably not a trap.
Enters studio
Higuchi: Dummies, no way, I've been tricked.
Soichiro: Stop right there Higuchi
Wedy: Don't move, Higuchi is surrounded, Give it up
Higuchi: Easy Darth Vader, why the hell is only one of them armed? They really don't plan to take me on with just their fists? I think it's really admirable that you all want to follow the gun control laws, but you forgot one essential detail, I DON'T!
Higuchi whips out his piece and fires at Wedy, Soichiro takes the bullet and bolts out of the room
Wedy: This is why I told you we all needed guns, here Aiber, don't be a pussy and shoot him this time.
Aiber: Damn, I didn't want to reveal this but I have terrible aim. Fires and hits Soichiro again. Oh come on that shouldn't even be possible.
Mogi: L, Higuchi has a gun, he shot the chief twice.
Soichiro: Oww, the first one only hit my arm but I think the second one got a leg, damn that Higuchi, I'll get him for this.
rofL-copter
Light: He's escaped Sakura TV
L: This leaves us no other option, we're gonna fly this helicopter right up his ass, Watari, set your marksmanship skills from badass to epic.
Watari: Yes
L: Here Light have a gun, Watari can shoot the wings off a fly and I know capoeira but you're defenseless.
Light: No thanks, guns aren't allowed in Japan.
L: Fine, just don't come crying for me to save you when Higuchi shoots you.
The car chase continues through the city
Higuchi: Hell yeah, this is like Grand Theft Auto, I gotta be up to three maybe even four stars, oh shit ROADBLOCK!
rofL-copter
Light: I thought we told the police not to get involved
L: That's not the police, it's the Afro Brigade
Cut to Aizawa sitting in a police car.
Higuchi stops his car and does a 180 only for his wheel to be shot out by Watari from the helicopter. Higuchi puts the gun to his head
Higuchi: Stay back all of you or I'll kill myself and you'll never know how I did it!
That too is shot out by Watari
Light: It's finally over
L: At long last the Yotsuba arc is over.
Author's Note: It's over! Next week evil Light returns.
Okay, to all of you who took the whole, no Death Note after 25 thing seriously, I guess you weren't aware that fans of L or haters of Near (which I am both) sometimes refer episode 25 as "the end of the series." I'll carry on. Not sure if I'm going to do the recap part of Episode 26, I'll determine that when I watch it tonight.
Besides if I stopped at episode 25, you wouldn't get to see the Pokerap or the Pokemon theme song (I haven't forgotten your request Akatsuki Ferret) or the other ones I've had written forever but put off using because they're about part 2 characters.
Boogiepop
Shippuden By the way, were you calling me nee-san?
'Cause
I'm a boy.
I was merely referring to what Kon's habit of referring to Rukia as that
And since you hate
Near's victory..please change it.
Have Light use the scrap of
paper in his watch to activate his Bankai and pwn them all.
The working idea is to come up with a few different endings and let you all vote on them
Walking around in
underwear, is that an Eureka Seven joke?
Lol!
By the way, do we
know that Espada tea is magic?
Sure they have no water in Hueco
Mundo, but maybe they're just getting all their water from the real
world.Or maybe they get their tea from Walmart?
Anyway I love this
story!
I don't remember when I said anything about underwear. And at any rate regardless of where they get it from, Ulq can still drink it despite having a hole in his neck
So they really are
swearing?
I thought it just sounded that way?
What I posted for the first episode they use it is the official correct translation as far as I know
Imcannedfruit Lol, I read My Immortal (or tried to, anyway), and it all makes sense! You got the inspiration for MisaSpeak from the author, right?
I got the inspiration from her, that I did.
Also my beloved readers, the new season of anime in Japan has started. All you subbies out there rejoice at the new crop of animated wonder.
So far I'm following the following (ouch redundancy) and recommend you all do the same.
Code Geass R2: really a must, Death Note with mechs! Next week the dub starts on as too! ALL HAIL BRITANNIA!
Macross Frontier: This is the first Macross I'm watching, so far it's pretty good, I love Ranka's mood reacting hair!
Soul Eater: Kinda generic shoneny, more Shinigami, but the fights are good and it's ecchi, I loves me a good ecchi!
Kyouran Kazoku Nikki- Funny dysfunctional family, if it doesn't work the world ends. Normal guy, insane cat girl, robot, lion, okama, and a moe girl.
Kure-nai- This one's kinda slow, but it looks interesting, Kurenai is a dispute resolver (basically means he goes and beats people up for his clients) and a high school student who gets a job to guard the kidnapped spoiled daughter of a rich family.
That's all I'm following so far if I see something else that's good, I'll let you know, read and review