"Please don't tell me that anything has happened to Leah. Just kill me now," Ian said. His heart had sunk to his stomach.
"No, she is fine. When I left, she was sleeping. Can I come in?" Cristina asked.
"Sure," he said. "Just got a little distracted there. I thought something had happened to Leah and you were coming to tell me the bad news. That would have been the worst news of my life." He looked at his former wife's face. He could see the tiredness and worry on it.
"Hey, what has happened? Why are you here? Did something happen between you and Owen?" he asked.
"Kind of," she said. She headed to the kitchen. She needed a large cup of coffee after that 40-mile drive to Ian's house. Ian sat down at the kitchen table, as he watched her make them two cups of coffee. She knew where exactly everything was – the coffee, the mugs, the sugar from the cupboards and the half and half in the refrigerator. After all, she should know, she lived there for most of her twenties.
She turned around and gasped. "I am sorry. I forgot to ask. Is Miranda here? I really don't mean to intrude."
"No, Miranda is not here. We had a fight and we're taking a break," he said, ruefully.
"I am so sorry to hear that," she said, as she brought the cups of coffee to the table.
"Well, our fight was the same usual fight. Well, I had to drop off Leah on Saturday night to your house so she could be there for Elyse's birthday party. Miranda called and asked if she could come along," he said. "I asked Leah, who naturally refused, as I had expected. When I came home that night, Miranda and I had a blowup about how I was allowing a six-year-old child to dictate my social life. I mean it is true, but Leah is the apple of my eye."
"And boy, does she know that. She has you wrapped around her little finger," Cristina said.
"Yeah, but she is the only little girl that I have. Girlfriends can come and go but I will always have Leah," he said, wistfully.
"Yeah, but suppose Miranda is the one for you. You have to think about yourself, too," Cristina said. "Little girls do grow up."
"Yes, I know. I really like Miranda, maybe even love her but I think we need a cooling-off period right now," he said. They both sipped on their coffee. "So what brings you here on this early morning visit? Aren't you supposed to be going to work, about now?"
"Yeah, I am but I e-mailed my boss and told him that I won't be in, today. I am in crisis, Ian," she said.
"Crisis? I thought you had everything all together. You have a beautiful house, three wonderful children, a loving partner and a great job. I am the one who is in a mess, right now," Ian said.
"Do you notice anything different about me?" she asked. She stood up and turned around.
"No, you look fine. A little tired around the eyes but fine," he said. She sighed.
"I am pregnant," she said, as she sat down.
"Again?" he said. "I am sorry, that was the wrong response. It is just that your last baby just celebrated her first birthday. I really should be offering my congratulations." She didn't look at all happy. "Or should I not be offering my congratulations," he added, when he saw her face.
"I mean I should be happy about this, right? Women are supposed to be happy when they get pregnant for the man they love," she said.
"I should think so. What's wrong? You have got your whole life together. I am sure Owen is happy about this turn of events," he said.
"Yeah, he is. Ecstatic, in fact. He always wanted more kids. Me, I was happy with the three we have living in our house," Cristina said. "And you know the worst part is – I am having twins."
"Oh, my word," Ian said. "Now that is a shocker. No wonder you seem so out of it. Ooh, five children. That will be quite a handful. I sometimes find Leah is difficult to deal with. I cannot imagine what it would be like with five children."
"Exactly," Cristina said. "If you know the pressures that I have been feeling for the past two months, with the upcoming wedding and then we had two birthday parties plus I have Owen's mom, hinting rather loudly about me having more babies."
"Ah, she has cursed you and you became pregnant," Ian said, triumphantly, as if he had figured it all out.
"No, you idiot," Cristina said, laughing. It felt good. It was the first time she had a good laugh in weeks. "I was already pregnant when she broached the topic of more children. Little did I know then that I was already knocked up."
"You do seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat," Ian said. "You are rather fertile. Your womb is like a mecca for babies."
"Will you stop going on, Ian?" Cristina said. "I am here for advice."
"Okay, tell me what you are feeling," he said. "The psychologist is in. Since Lucy from Peanuts charges five cents, that is my charge, too." Cristina solemnly took out a nickel out of her purse and placed it in front of him. They both grinned. It was something they used to do when she used to come to him for advice, when they first met.
"I am afraid of losing myself. Am I just going to be someone's mother for the rest of my life? Or Owen's wife? What has happened to Cristina Yang, the girl who was going to conquer the world? You are the only person who knew me then, before our marriage, before all of these babies. Am I the same person?" she asked.
"Cristina, I met you when you were 20 years old. You were young, carefree, no responsibilities. You lived life by the moment. But you are 30, now. You have three children, a job, a man, a house. Life has given you responsibilities. Life changes you and makes you different. But you are still the same in here," he said, pounding his chest. "In your heart. The essence of you is still the same. The young girl who I fell in love with, is still within you. She is still there but she has matured. You're still you."
She had a doubtful expression. "Now you make me sound like an old geezer."
"There is nothing wrong with getting older, Cristina. We're all getting older. We've grown up. But you haven't lost yourself, Cristina. Yes, you are going to be Owen's wife. Yes, you are Matt, Leah and Elyse's mom. And you are going to be the mom of these beautiful new babies. But these are all great things. Can you imagine your life without them in it?" he said. She shook her head.
"Then, you shouldn't be running away from them. You were a wonderful girl but you are an amazing woman," he continued.
"Do you miss her – the girl that you fell in love with?" she asked.
"Sometimes but I also love the woman she grew up to be," he said.
"You still love me?" she asked, a little bit surprised.
"Cristina, I will always love you. You are the mother of my child. You were my first love. Those things never go away. Maybe we don't have romantic love anymore and it has morphed into something else, but it is still love. I am glad that we are friends," he said.
"You know you've grown up, too," she said.
"Yeah, I did. I made some horrible mistakes and it made me grow up," he said. "I kinda lost everything that was important to me. I was forced to look at myself and realize that I had to grow up."
"You know you are a good dad. Leah is lucky she has you to come to, when she has questions. If only she would let you date," Cristina chuckled.
"Yeah, well, that is an ongoing struggle," Ian admitted. "But I love my baby girl. So what are you going to do now?"
"I am going home to see my fiancé and my kids," she said. "Thanks." She gave him a hug as she left.
Owen had changed his mind and decided to stay home with his older children, while Nina looked after Elyse. He had just finished laying out the children's lunch, when Cristina arrived home. It was Matt, who saw her at first. "Mommy," he screamed. "Daddy said you had gone away." He ran to hug her, followed by Leah.
"Mommy, why did you leave without saying goodbye?" Leah asked, accusingly.
"I left very early this morning and I didn't want to wake you up," Cristina said, kissing them on the top of their heads. Owen looked at her. He was grateful that she was back but he was still mad at her.
"So how was your trip?" Owen said.
"Productive," she answered.
"Kids, I want to talk to Mommy, so come and have your lunch, so Mommy and I can go talk in the study," Owen said.
"Yes, I need to talk to Daddy, too. But Leah, Matt, we have something really wonderful to tell you," Cristina said.
"What? What?" the children screamed.
"Remember when we told you about Elyse growing in Mommy's belly before she was born," Cristina said. The children's eyes grew wide as saucers.
"Another baby in Mommy's belly!" Matt screamed. "It is going to be a boy this time. Even out the numbers."
"Well, we don't know if they are going to be boys or girls," Owen said, trying to temper Matt's enthusiasm.
"They?" Leah said. She really was an astute little girl.
"Yes, Leah. They. We are having two babies," Cristina said. The two children started jumping around. "Two babies, two babies," Matt yelled. The children gave Cristina a hug. They were so excited.
"Settle down, now," Owen said. "You need to have your lunch. The babies are not going to be here in several months. We will be back in a bit." The two children went and sat at the table and started eating their lunch. Cristina followed Owen to his study.
"Well, that was a surprise that you actually told them," Owen said, as he closed the door behind them.
"Yeah, well they had to know, some time," she said. "The babies are not going away."
"So where did you disappear to?" he asked. "I was very worried."
"I went to see Ian," she said.
"WHAT?" he was incredulous. "You couldn't talk to me but you could talk to your ex-husband. How do you think that makes me feel?"
"Yes, I am sorry about that. But I needed to get away to clear my head. I was feeling overwhelmed with everything happening at the same time," she said.
"So clearing your head means you go back to your ex?" he said. He was upset.
"I went to Ian because he was the only one who knows me from way back when. Before marriage, before babies, before working. When I was 20 years old and still hoping to take over the world," she said. "I was afraid that I was losing myself."
"So being with me and having my babies is you losing yourself," he was hurt.
"No, I love being with you and I love all of my babies," she said. "Ian reminded me that even though I have grown older and life may have changed me, I was still me. He also asked me if I could live life without you or the kids and the answer to that is no," she said. "I can't imagine life without you. I may have yearned to be that 20-year-old again but you and the kids have made my life that much better. People need me, now. The kids remind me that I am loved and wanted, every day, without question."
"I love and want you, every day without question, too," he said.
"I know that. I am sorry. I just freaked out," she said, as she went to him and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her. They stayed in a tight embrace for what seemed a long time.
"I was thinking," he said. "If you just want to go down to City Hall, we could do that," he said. "I know you are not crazy about the big wedding."
"It's okay. I am ready to marry you and I am ready to wear the white dress and walk down the aisle and become your wife, in front of everybody," she said.
"Are you sure?" he said.
"Yes, I am sure," she said. "We are going to be husband and wife."
A/N: Please leave your comments. Reviews are love.