Don't own.
So thank you to all my readers and reviewers. You are so great, seriously.
Special thanks to Doni, who's a constant reminder that I don't suck, and Happy4eva1996: I read your review twice to make sure I didn't miss anything. I am so, so happy that you're enjoying it. I…I just have no idea what else to say; I'm speechless.
Enjoy.
… … .. . .. … …
Things didn't fall apart on the bridge as soon as Jim left. Nor did they collapse an hour later when everyone took their lunch. It was fortunate, considering no one really wanted things to start going wrong. It was on a dull note that Spock realized they did have a habit of not being on the bridge. Surely that was at least one violation of Starfleet policy.
Most of the bridge crew was mingling, darting between tables and enjoying their lunch as a whole. Spock was sitting across from Uhura, perplexed by the silent stare she levied at him.
"May I inquire as to why you are regarding me silently?" Spock asked casually between bites of his salad.
"We don't have to constantly speak." She informed him politely, something he wasn't too fond to hear from her.
"I am aware. You have not, however, participated even in a customary exchange of words before the commencement of our meal. I suspect you have something you wish to discuss, but are not doing so perhaps out of a misguided assumption that it would be uncomfortable or unwelcome." He was watching her carefully, gauging her response.
She blinked at him, careful not to glare. Yeah, she wanted to talk. She wanted to discuss the Vulcans, and Jim, and Jim and Spock. She wanted to confront him on what he was doing the other day, skipping out again, especially right after having spoken to his old bully. She knew, though, some things weren't her business, and she wouldn't know where to start even if it were.
"I was enjoying the quiet. We don't spend much time together anymore. Why? Was there something you were hoping to discuss?"
They both stared at each other for a moment before returning to their meals.
They both finished in silence, clearing their trays and carefully watching each other. It was on their way out the door when they ran into T'Pring and Stonn, very nearly literally. Uhura was very careful to back away and not touch anyone.
"T'Pring, Stonn." Spock inclined his head in greeting.
T'Pring tilted her head to the side, regarding him in interest. "Where is your Captain?"
Spock didn't bristle, by some miracle of Vulcan training, but a strange defensiveness settled in place. "He is currently participating in discussion with the class being held in the observation decks."
"No doubt an educational venture for both parties." Stonn replied almost pleasantly.
"I do not believe we have been introduced." T'Pring leveled her eyes on Uhura.
"I'm aware of who you are." Uhura said, only a touch bitter. "I'm Lieutenant Uhura, head of the communication department on the Enterprise."
"I see. It's a shame I knew nothing of you." T'Pring said offhandedly. "It seems the only people concerned enough to meet with the people staying on this ship that do not have to work with us are the Captain, Spock, and the Doctor."
Spock quirked an eyebrow at their behavior. He was caught slightly off guard as Uhura slipped her hand into his and tugged. T'Pring and Stonn looked like they had been struck.
"We should go." Uhura told them tersely, well aware of what she just did, but decidedly annoyed with the flippant way she had been dismissed.
Stonn very nearly scowled. "You're behavior is indecorous."
T'Pring looked livid for a Vulcan. "That you could do such a thing to your Captain…"
Spock blinked in confusion, completely blindsided by the current events. What were they talking about? Uhura flushed, realizing what T'Pring was implying. She couldn't help herself, she started laughing, drawing her hand back to join the other around her waist. T'Pring and Stonn regarded her with equal looks of near astonishment and disapproval.
"I should go." She giggled, wiping at her eyes. "I'll see you on the bridge, sa-kai."
She was aware of the mildly puzzled looks she received as she traipsed off. Spock watched her, feeling more confused than before. Stonn looked just as confused, for all that he understood she had called Spock her brother. T'Pring felt a bit out of her depth, unsure how anyone could logic out spending so much time with humans.
Back on the bridge, Uhura informed Sulu that T'Pring and Stonn had caught on. She then spent a few minutes explaining who they were. Sulu was falling about himself in fits of laughter when Spock entered the bridge. Chekov was pouting, not having caught on and only witnessing half of their discussion himself. It was equal part hilarious and down right sad. Fortunately, they needed a good laugh, so they chose to focus on the amusement in the situation, and not how badly it could end.
Half an hour later, Jim returned to the bridge, grinning ear to ear. That, the crew assumed, was a sure sign of the impending apocalypse. Apparently he had enjoyed his discussion with the children.
"I presume you found your time productive."
"Yup." Jim beamed at him, slouching into his Captain's chair. "I learned all sorts of things."
"Fascinating." Spock returned to his station, feeling more at ease.
"Like some really interesting words." Jim continued heedlessly, watching as both Spock and Uhura straightened. "Like, say…K'hat'n'dlawa…"
He watched Spock's ears turn green as he turned to give him and incredulous look. He'd spent some time learning to pronounce those words. The kids had been eager to teach him about Vulcan relationships, since he seemed so ignorant, and they were a huge part of their culture. He wasn't quite sure what they meant when they said it roughly translated into 'half of my heart and soul', but he had a pretty good idea.
"Or Ne Ki'ne…" Jim liked that one, understanding the concept of a shield partner quite well. "There are a few more they taught me."
Spock shook his head minutely. "I have no doubt you convinced them to teach you a few indecorous words as well."
"Yeah, at least I'm finally pronouncing them right. You're language is hard." Jim pouted playfully, catching the eye roll from Uhura with a well timed glance. "There were a couple words they wouldn't translate for me though. Not surprising. The teacher got all awkward and told them they were being impolite. I'm pretty sure this one kid was calling me some pretty derogatory names. If it weren't undignified, I'd have slapped him for it."
And suddenly Spock was very pale. He stood quickly, excusing himself, to the bafflement of everyone present. When Jim gave Uhura a bemused look, she shrugged. He cast a look around the room, receiving the same unsure look from everyone. Groaning, he slipped down in his chair a bit.
"Okay, so we're all in agreement I did something wrong there?"
"Uh…sure?" Sulu shrugged, not really sure what to say.
"Wonderful." Jim rolled his eyes, glancing at the door for a second and sighing. "This'll have to wait until my shift is over. I don't have time to chase after him every time I screw up."
"Iz mature option, no?" Chekov offered helpfully. "Iz not your fault child vas being rude. You did not do harm, da? If respecting the rulez iz not vhat they are vanting, I do not understand."
Jim tsked in agreement. "I guess."
In the turbo lift, Spock balled his hands into fists, taking deep, labored breaths. He was furious, something that wasn't really necessary, but certainly felt good. He had known something would go wrong. Young Vulcans did not have the emotional control or etiquette that they developed later in life. As had already been proven, even adults became snappish. So it stood to reason he should have been there to keep some close-minded teacher and a group of children from insulting his Captain. How much of a failure was he that he couldn't even stop children from insulting Jim?
How bad was it that he needed to?
Spock hit the controls for Sickbay, wondering what it was about James Kirk that made him the target of such misguided emotional fluxes.
… .. .
"I get it! Now go back to work!" M'Benga called desperately, sending a pleading look McCoy's way.
"I do not suspect you do." Spock continued to follow him, prepare to delve further into the many, many ways M'Benga was wrong in his actions.
McCoy snorted, coming over to interrupt. "Out of my Sickbay hobgoblin or I'm hypoing you into next week."
"That course of action is unnecessary. I am simply stressing the importance of considering all the facts when requesting our captain participate in any venture. Further, as a human working with Vulcans, M'Benga should be aware of the difficulties involved in cultural barriers." He turned his nose up ever so slightly, haughty look in place.
M'Benga rolled his eyes. "He can take care of himself around a few children."
"That is not for you to decide." Spock fixed him with a dark look. "He had more pertinent things to do than spend his time attempting to familiarize himself with a culture he has no need of knowing."
M'Benga was staring at him, mouth hanging open ever so slightly. He'd have laughed at the absurdity of it, but he had visions of his throat being ripped out by a furious Vulcan. Not that Spock would go that far, but wow. McCoy did have the audacity to laugh, protected mostly by the fact that he was Jim's best friend. Spock glared at him.
"Are you listening to yourself? You have more important thing to be doing then spending your time down here ranting about how Jim's fragile emotions could have been hurt by some kids speaking a different language to insult him."
A full second after he finished speaking, they all fell into an awkward silence. McCoy, because he remembered where Spock was coming from and why he detested the idea of someone being insulting in Vulcan. Spock, because he realized how foolish he was being assuming something like that would be Jim's largest concerns in dealing with children. And M'Benga because he recognized an awkward situation for what it was and wisely kept his mouth shut.
Finally, Spock glanced back at the door. "I have other duties to attend to. I would request you confer with me before any further decisions to subject others to Captain Kirk's madness."
With that, he left, headed back for the bridge. M'Benga stared after him a moment, skeptical look on his face. McCoy sighed, shaking his head.
"Welcome to the Enterprise." McCoy snorted, turning back to his work.
"I've worked with Vulcans for years now, and this place seems to make everyone act crazy." M'Benga shook his head. "I've never seen anything like it."
"That's Kirk for ya." He rolled his eyes, picking up a PADD to finish a few…extra…documents. "Love or hate him, he drives you crazy."
"And the people on the sidelines?"
"There are no sidelines with him. Here, take a PADD. You can help with some of these forms. Leave the tongue depressors to the nurses." McCoy passed off a PADD to him.
M'Benga looked at it in horror. "These are some of the most convoluted paper's I've ever seen. Don't tell me you always have to fill them out."
"Oh no, those are worse than the regulars because you aren't Starfleet." McCoy grinned wickedly. "They're about seven times worse for the Admirals though."
"This seems malicious." He said suspiciously, settling in for a long day of paperwork.
… .. .
When Spock returned to the bridge, no one asked where he had gone off to. It was safer to just keep quiet. That didn't stop Jim from sending him suspicious looks every few seconds, much to the bridge crew's chagrin. There were a couple hours left, and he couldn't even keep his eyes on his paperwork. He wanted to know though, so very badly, what he'd managed to do this time to screw it all up.
After an eternity, their shift finally ended. Jim was going to wait for Spock, but didn't get a chance. Spock approached him immediately, arms behind his back, his eyes the only hint that he was feeling sheepish. They regarded each other a minute, before heading to the turbo lift silently.
Everyone else wisely held back, heading to a different lift or meandering about to waste time.
In the lift, they didn't even bother starting it, just telling the door to remain shut. They exchanged terse looks, each waiting for the other to speak first. Finally, Jim sighed, shaking his head.
"Are we ever going to make this work?"
"I suspect not without a modicum of effort on both of our parts." Spock admitted.
"Okay. Fine." Jim huffed, crossing his arms. "I don't know what I did back there to upset you."
"You did nothing. I…overreacted to the admission that they were behaving inappropriately." Spock glanced away from him, slightly ashamed of his own behavior.
"Oh. Oh, Spock." Jim shook his head, sighing. "I can handle a few insults. It was never as bad for me as it was for you, so I'm conditioned differently for it."
"I understand. I also understand your discomfort with children stemmed from your own abuse as a child."
Jim inhaled sharply, eye going wide. "Shit. Was it that obvious? I mean, I didn't think I…I never actually told you about that, did I?"
Spock tense, suspecting there was something he missed, but Jim continued to ramble.
"I mean, I told you some about that one thing, but…not about Frank. How did you know….did you ask Bones? I swear to god if he told you about Frank I'm going to kill him."
"I know of no one by the name of Frank."
"Oh…good, okay. Wait, then how did you know I'd been abused?" Jim scowled. "You didn't, did you? You were talking about the other…uh…incident."
"I was." Spock was watching him closely, trying to keep a hold on the ridiculous anger he was feeling.
"Okay, before you freak out, it was only one time." Jim told him quickly, noticing the tight jaw and slightly narrowed eyes. "Frank got drunk. He felt like shit afterwards. Like, bought me and Sam ice cream and spoiled us for a week because he backhanded me. But…it just freaks me out that adults can act like that with children."
"Even once was far too many times." Spock replied forcefully. "It would appear you have suffered a rather abhorrent childhood."
Jim laughed bitterly. "You don't know the half of it."
"I would hope you will someday trust me enough to share your past." As soon as he said it, he kind of wished he hadn't.
They both stared at each other blankly, embarrassed and awkward from the admission. Jim offered a half-cocked smile, shrugging.
"Just, not in a turbo lift, okay?"
"Of course." Spock nodded in acquisition.
"So…" Jim looked over the panel with mild interest. "Want to have dinner in my room? We can sneak out later to spar or something."
"That would be acceptable."
… .. .
It was about the time Jim settled in next to him, as close as he could get without touching him, that Spock realized something. Jim was purposefully avoiding touching him. He had been since the Vulcans arrived on board. It was decidedly just him, because he had seen Jim patting other, human, crew members on the back and shoulder and not being overtly cautious with the distance between them. He knew he should be pleased Jim was attempting to help him maintain some semblance of propriety. Instead, he was illogically displeased. He wasn't even sure why, but he was.
Deciding it was far too concerning to focus on it, Spock turned his attentions to Jim's room. It was decidedly bare without the now relocated decorations. In his musings about the now much safer space that was Jim's room, he missed the question he was asked.
"Spock!" Jim yelled in his ear, glaring. "Quit ignoring me."
Spock blinked, momentarily considering rubbing his ear before dismissing the pain. "My apologies, Captain. What were you saying?"
"First of all, don't apologize. If I can't then you can't." Jim announced stubbornly. "And I asked what you wanted to do now that we've finished dinner."
"I see…" Spock chose to ignore the apology comment, already knowing he'd get nowhere with it. "You mentioned…sneaking out?"
Jim grinned. "Well yeah, but it takes a bit of the fun away when I can probably get away with it without having to sneak around."
"Very well. What would you prefer?"
"Well, if we just go spar, Bones will find us…" Jim scowled, considering his options. "Hey, I know what we can do!"
"Jim?" Spock watched him stand.
A wide, genuine smile sat mischievously in place, blue eyes twinkling with mirth. "Come on, it's a secret."
"I suspect that it would be far more productive if you were to tell me where we are going." Spock pointed out, joining him.
As they wandered through the halls, Jim continued to insist it was a secret. Even when Spock realized the only place they could be heading to in the general direction Jim was taking them. Still, he humored Jim, feigning ignorance until they came to a stop.
"The holodeck?" Spock asked dully, knowing he probably wouldn't receive a response.
On cue, Jim winked at him. "You'll see. Come on."
Inside, Jim poured over the console a moment, looking for something specific. Spock waited patiently, hands behind his back, watching Jim. He was looking better, still tired, defiantly, but he had color back in his cheeks and his eyes no longer looked dull and lifeless. It was…relieving. The world around them erupted in dark, luscious green and the dim light of a full moon. Spock glanced down in surprise, surveying the waist high grass.
He missed the wide grin on Jim face right before he was tackled. After a short struggle, he succeed in pinning the blond man. Jim beamed innocently up at him, noting the curious flicker in his eyes and the amused twitch of his lips.
"Jim?"
"I think this'll do." Jim said confidently, glancing around.
Spock mimicked him, noting how their struggle had flattened a small circle of grass. He released Jim, moving to the other side of the clearing, just far enough away that they no longer touched.
"See, the only way to make a clearing in grass is by wrestling." Jim explained offhandedly, settling himself back, head pillowed on his arms as he gazed upwards. "It's tradition."
"I was unaware. Grass was uncommon on Vulcan. In addition, it was particularly sharp." Spock joined Jim, laying down.
The night sky was above them, a beautiful expanse of stars and moon, framed by the tall grass that easily hid them. A soft breeze whisked through the tall strands of grass, causing them to dance. Jim sighed glancing over at Spock.
"What do you think?" He cautiously didn't pry into the previous comment.
"It is…beautiful. I have often found myself amazed by the diversity of nature available on Earth." Spock didn't turn to look at Jim, staring up at the sky.
"Yeah. It's a shame the only beautiful thing left from Vulcan is you."
Full stop.
What?
Jim nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized what he said. Where had that come from? He wasn't even sure what he meant by it, let alone how it should be interpreted. He suddenly felt very cold, dizzy from the blood rushing away from his head. Spock sat up, turning to look at him with unfeigned interest.
"An inaccurate statement, given the existence of numerous species of plants and animals that, due to various studies and private collections, were off planet at the time of its destruction, that are no doubt aesthetically pleasing. As well, of course of the existence of other Vulcans…" Spock noticed the deep blush of red rising to Jim's cheeks and let the slightest of smiles touch his eyes. "Your sentiment is, however, appreciated."
Jim glanced away, embarrassed. "Uh…you're welcome. S-so what…uh…what was the most beautiful thing about Vulcan?"
"The sands." Spock answered immediately, without hesitation. "They were a magnificent red, like nothing else. It is a shame the sands of new Vulcan are far more yellow. Future generations will only know the red sands of their home world as a memory."
Jim turned to watch him, sadly, as Spock gazed out into the dark sky. There was so much he wished he could do. He wanted to heal the pain he could feel. He wanted it to be alright. It never could be, though. The only way to heal was to move past, and he'd never been good at that himself. He couldn't help others if he couldn't help himself, let alone open himself up for to the kind of trust he would be asking for.
"Frank was my uncle." Jim whispered, looking away before he could see the surprise in Spock's eyes. "Is. Is my uncle. He's still alive. He…after what happened before…well…shit. I always have trouble knowing were to start."
"You may tell me what ever you are comfortable." Spock whispered. "It does not need to be…logical."
Jim glanced back to see the understanding levied at him, and smiled weakly. "Okay. After…what happened before…my mother needed to be off planet. I think it was her version of therapy. She had us, my brother Sam and I, stay with our uncle, Frank. He didn't know anything about what happened. And I do mean anything. He got frustrated with us easily, constantly yelling. Despite what Bones has got in his head, I never got a chance to try and make friends with him, and I never had a lack of attention from him. He really was always yelling."
Jim sighed, slumping his shoulders a bit and giving Spock a weary look. In return, he could see the slightest touch of sympathy and anger in the other man. Spock was less than pleased to hear about the verbal abuse. That Jim had, at any point, tried to defend that man infuriated him. He felt a touch of relief though, to know that Jim had not behaved with this man as he had with others.
"Sam finally got fed up and decided to run away." Jim's tone got a bit bitter and he looked down to hide the anger in his eyes. "He told me that no Kirk could live in that house. He told me I was no Kirk. Said he'd come back when I proved that either of us could be. So I stole my dad's car, an old classic, drove it right past him and into a quarry, barely jumped out in time."
Spock jolted at the wistful look on Jim's face. It was not what he was expecting. McCoy was right, Jim had a tendency to put himself in deadly situations, only to get out a the last second. He found himself wondering if Jim's decision to provoke him was fueled by the same twisted logic. Had he known someone would interfere before he would be killed, and so chose that method specifically to provoke an emotional reaction from him?
Jim didn't notice the momentary surprise that passed through his features, shrugging carelessly. "I was twelve at the time. Afterward, Frank sat down with me and we talked it out. We both knew I couldn't stay there any more, not like that. He offered to let me go anywhere I wanted, as long as it was supervised. Me and Sam both. Sam chose a boarding school. I…well, that's how I ended up with Garrovick, anyway."
Spock could tell there was something being left out. The tale felt like it were meant to be the middle of a story. He wouldn't press, though. It was clear that Jim was actively choosing not to tell him.
"When I was seven, I was told I would be bonded to T'Pring." Spock met Jim's eyes, acknowledging the surprise he saw there. "I ran away, to participate in my kahs-wan early, without my parent's permission. A kahs-wan is a trial, where a youth must survive for ten days in the wilds of the Vulcan's Forge, it is-"
"The hottest desert in Vulcan. The kids told me they were…displeased, that they couldn't participate in their own." Jim nodded thoughtfully, listening.
"Yes, well…when I returned, I was bonded to T'Pring. My parents were displeased by my attempt to prove myself, but the success was acknowledged. Upon T'Pring's twelfth birthday, we fought. She demanded kal-if-fee, which was not her right until our wedding." Spock paused, about to interrupt when Jim rolled his eyes.
"Kal-if-fee is the combat part of marriage or combat. I get it. I told you the kids taught me things. It's cool, because Vulcan's are being a lot more open about their ceremonies now. Though I certainly got a few glares for even hearing anything about the terms…" Jim smiled, hoping it didn't sound disparaging.
"Indeed." Spock nodded. "Perhaps it would be better to simply let you stop me if you do not understand."
"Don't worry, I will."
"Very well. Rather than subject myself to her presence longer, I…ran away." He noticed the quirk of Jim's lips as he tried not to smile. "A humorous as you find this, it was a foolish decision on my part."
"Sorry." Jim didn't particularly sound like he was.
Spock fixed him with a narrow look momentarily, before very nearly rolling his eyes as he glanced away and then back. "I chose to participate in my Rite of Tal'oth, a four month long trial in the Vulcan's Forge. Once again, it was premature and without the permission of my parents. When I returned, successful, I forcefully broke my bond with T'Pring and rejected her as my mate. My grandmother supported the decision fully."
"Wow. That…uh…that's hard core."
Spock almost smirked. "T'Pring erroneously believes my decision to join Starfleet was similar in nature, due to it occurring rather shortly after the announcement of her choice to be bonded to Stonn."
"But it wasn't." Jim stated it more as a question than anything else.
"It was not. The decision was based upon the elders' treatment of my mother."
"Oh…" Jim trailed off, glancing up at the stars. "I guess we both had…what was the word…abhorrent? Childhoods."
"Indeed." Spock followed Jim's line of sight, gazing up at the stars.
"Okay, now that we've got that awkwardness out of the way…" Jim threw himself sideways, attempting to pin Spock to the ground.
They grappled a moment, ending with Jim once again being held in place under the stronger man. Spock quirked an eyebrow at him, firmly holding his wrists in place.
"Fascinating."
Jim chuckled. "I almost got you that time."
"I admit, I am perplexed." Spock continued to speak, keeping Jim in place. "You have been avoiding contact with me, even in private, ever since the arrival of our guests, and yet now you choose to initiate contact."
Jim flushed, wriggling his wrists in an attempt to free them. "I…well, it isn't like we actually exist here. I know you left the protocol in place. I'll stop, if that's what you want."
Spock stilled, releasing him and furrowing his brow. "I am unsure."
It was his turn to nearly jump out of his skin when he realized what he said. Jim was gaping at him. It was perfectly honest. He didn't know what he wanted. He just hadn't quiet realized that himself. He had pointedly been avoiding the thought of whether he was comfortable with the contact he maintained with Jim. It did not displease him, like it once did, but to say he wanted contact with him…
"Do not concern yourself with it, at present." Spock finally told him. "I do not ask you to modify your behavior, even in the presence of my Vulcan peers."
Jim frowned openly at that. "But I know how stuffy they are, even if you don't mind, it's inappropriate, because you're a Vulcan."
"I am also a human." Spock pointed out. "Vulcans must learn to adapt. If they can not accept that I choose to be closer with you that one normally would, then they are at fault."
Jim grinned in pleasure. "Got it. I hope you realize this means I'm going to pat you on the shoulders again and throw fruit at you."
Spock straightened a bit. "I am not surprised."
Sighing, Jim flopped back down, closing his eyes momentarily. Spock settled himself next to him, well aware that something was sitting between them, unsaid, unrecognizable, but there. Jim was aware of it too, equally baffled by the strange tension just around them, but willing to bet it had to do with their tentative friendship and the awkwardness of revealing their pasts. Intimacies of that nature tended to be awkward. Eventually it would smooth over and they'd be comfortable with each other.
Or, at least, that was what he was hoping.
… .. .
Jim buried his face in his pillow, screaming in frustration. Things had been going so well. They'd managed to fall into a comfortable silence after their awful admissions and enjoyed the view. When he was finally tired, Spock insisted Jim return to his room, as the holodeck was not suitable for sleeping in. Naturally, they 'snuck' back to their rooms. Jim was well aware they had caught the attention of a few crew members that time, but he didn't mind. There was something excitingly pleasant about sneaking around with Spock, like they weren't supposed to be together.
He decided not to focus on that for too long.
Just when they reached their rooms, they were caught. Jim had, all while laughing, been leaning on the wall between their rooms, saying his goodnights. Before Spock could turn to go, Jim insisted a slap on the shoulder. He supposed, looking back on it, he could understand how, from the right angle, it could look like he was going to hug him.
He wasn't. For the record. But that didn't mean that Chapel hadn't thought that was what she was seeing. Which is why he was subsequently glared at, even though Spock looked just as baffled as he did. Chapel helpfully reminded him that it was rude to be unnecessarily physical with Vulcans. Hypocritical, as he'd seen her repeatedly trying to get herself close to Spock over the last few months. But that was Spock's business, not his. So he just rolled his eyes and turned to go. Judging by the scandalized look on Chapel's face, she wasn't expecting Spock to respond by grabbing Jim's wrist and asking her to mind her own business.
"W-what was that about?" Jim felt like he was slowly becoming a tomato with how much he was blushing over the course of the night.
Spock stared at him blankly, as if he hadn't been entirely sure of himself when he grabbed him. "I believe I just told you not to adjust your behavior with me based on other's opinions."
It wasn't like he had forgotten. He had just been ready to leave anyway, so decided it was easier not to argue with Chapel and try to explain to her that Spock had given him permission. Some of the crew still didn't favor him and while most wouldn't say anything to his face, people on every ship talked about their Captain.
"Sorry. I just didn't feel like starting an argument." Jim shrugged, glancing at his door, and then his wrist, which was still in a vice grip.
"Very well." Spock answered quickly, retrieving his hand. "I will see you in the morning. Good night."
And just like that he ran into his room, leaving Jim in the hall, completely confused. Mostly because he was almost entirely sure that Spock was upset, but he had no reason to think that. But Spock felt furious, so he had somehow managed to go and mess up again. Just. Like. Always. Happy bonding moment where they learn something about each other and get along; Going to bed angry. It was too frustrating.
Spock slumped against his door, holding his hands in fists against his pants. Things had been going well. Things were alright. And then Chapel interrupted them, upsetting Jim. Without thinking he had grabbed Jim. And he'd heard it, all at once the feelings, a medley of depression, and that single, awful thought Jim had.
'I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.'
… … .. . .. … …
Oh Jim. Your pessimism is just too much. Now enjoy a multitude of language lessons.
sa-kai -brother
K'hat'n'dlawa-half of [one's] heart and soul
Ne Ki'ne-Shield partner
kahs-wan -don't make me explain it again…
kal-if-fee -fight to the death over the right to mate with a certain girl, or if a girl doesn't want her specific mate…just watch amok time.
Rite of Tal'oth -see kahs-wan add twenty days and multiply by four…or something like that. I don't actually know how months work on Vulcan…