Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight.

So guess what Ms. Jessica Cullen got for Christmas? Something that made her very happy. I got a new computer! So that's also good for you guys because it means that I won't have to make any more trips to the Geek Squad, which means chapters come out faster! Yay!

Also, I'd like to thank everyone who's been recommending this story, it makes me happy that more people are reading it.

Reviewer(s) of the chapter-

VOTE FOR PEDRO-

Iwishiwasesme (mybigteddybearemmett)- for keeping me entertained with her FanFic recommendations. Thanks!

Cries In Her Sleep –just so you know, I fully intend on answering your awesome reviews and PM later tonight, so I'm not ignoring you by posting this haha. But thanks for all of the awesome reviews! No, I never have a goal that has to be met before I write, but I still loved it!

Last on Matchmakers-

Carlisle turned off the TV and looked at the camera in my hands, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing's wrong. You see… I just got Edward's Christmas present together. Um… this is really embarrassing, but I took some pictures of myself for his present."

I hoped he understood, and from the look on his face, he understood. He smiled, obviously happy with what I decided on for my present to him.

"And…"

"And… I kind of need someone to go get them developed, but the thing is, I don't want the guy who works there looking at them because, you know, they're for Edward."

He grinned, "Okay," he took the camera from my hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Going to get them developed. Trust me, Bella, I'll make sure no one but Edward will ever lay eyes on these," his tone was genuine and so was the look in his eyes, so that put me at ease.

I knew I could always count on Kink-lisle.

Currently on Matchmakers-

"Do you think she's cheating on me?"

I stroked her soft, artificial fur and listened for an answer that I wouldn't get.

"No… she wouldn't cheat on me. We got past that. We're it for each other… but something's up though. First, she has mysterious Friday night plans and then shows up with her hair and make-up done to see my dad. Nothing's making sense."

I tried to think through it, but Bella Gator wasn't helping me make a solid decision as to what she was up to.

"Maybe she wasn't busy until last night, damn, I had wrestling practice so I couldn't hang out in the afternoon, and maybe she was mad at me? But that doesn't explain the hair and make-up… and the wanting to see my dad."

I sighed, coming to the unsatisfying conclusion that I would just have to trust her. I went downstairs on my way to wrestling practice after I changed into the practice clothes.

I saw Bella drumming her fingers on our coffee table in the living room, waiting impatiently for something. She smiled at me when she saw me pause in the entryway.

I had about five minutes before I really needed to go and I sat down beside her on the couch, "Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head and smiled, kissing me again, resting her hand on my chest, "Of course not. Nothing's wrong. In fact, after wrestling practice, why don't we go see a movie?" she asked.

A dark theater with Bella? "Sure," I said with a bright smile.

She groaned and started kissing me again, sitting on my lap.

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie wo-r-ld, it's fantastic, being plastic! You can-"

She grumbled and took out her phone, holding it up to her ear. She blushed, "No, Alice, I'm sorry, I didn't let him out of the closet…"

I heard Alice yelling on the other end and I quirked an eyebrow at Bella, brushing my thumbs against her sides.

She looked down at me with bedroom eyes, and then got rid of Alice, "Um… on the bright side, there's nothing that can whip a guy into shape other than sticking him in a closet without food, water, human contact, and the ability to move or see… I'm sure Rose let him out. Buy!"

She closed the phone and leaned down to kiss me again.

"What was that about?" I mumbled against her lips, trailing them down her neck.

She gulped, "Nothing."

I heard the garage door open and Bella jumped up from my lap, leaving me with an uncomfortable hard on.

"Oh, Kink-lisle's back!"

"What did you just call my dad?" I asked, amused. 'Kink-lisle'? Oddly appropriate.

"Uh… Carlisle? Have fun at wrestling, sweetie, call me when you get out!"

BPOV

I have no filter system… I guess I was glad I didn't call Carlisle 'Kink-lisle' to his face…

After I heard Edward leave, I went to Carlisle to get the pictures that he had so kindly gone out of his way to develop for me.

He handed them back to me with a smile, "Here you go, Bella, unviewed by everyone but yourself."

I gave him a grateful smile, "Thanks, Ki-Carlisle… um, how much do I owe you?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. I'm happy to fund anything that helps your relationship."

I blushed and thanked him again, heading home.

EBEB

Wrestling practice was odd today. Jasper and Emmett kept looking at me like they were jealous, but happy.

Mike was as stupid as he usually was, bringing a girl with him to watch, she ended up leaving after humiliating him. He 'accidentally' left out the fact that he was only the water boy.

"Why do you guys keep looking at me like that?" I asked while we were doing push ups.

Emmett smirked, "You're the luckiest fucker in the world. That's why."

Jasper gave him a look, "Rose shouldn't have told you, Em, you're going to ruin it."

I looked at them and sighed, exasperated, "What?"

They chuckled, "You'll see…"

I ignored their odd behavior for the rest of the practice, and I saw Bella show up during the last five minutes. She kept crossing and re-crossing her legs, biting her lip as she looked at me and I smirked, pretending not to notice how she was ogling me.

Mike shot daggers at me with his eyes. It was a good day.

Once practice ended, I waved goodbye to the coach and wiped my face with a towel, hanging it around my neck when I was done.

"Do you do that on purpose?" Bella asked me as we walked out to my car.

"Do I do what on purpose?" I smirked, "Make you horny while I work out? Nah, that's just an added bonus," I said cockily while opening the door for her.

She blushed, "You noticed?"

I laughed boisterously and drove to my house to take a shower before we left for our movie date, "Anyone with eyes noticed, baby."

"It isn't my fault… your uniform looks really good on you…" she said, looking out of the window.

I smirked, "Really? I much prefer you in a wrestling uniform."

She giggled as she recalled the memory.

" I hope you don't mind, but I have to take a shower before we leave."

"Mind if I join you?" she asked.

I chuckled, "You don't want to hang around with 'Kink-lisle'?" I snickered.

She coughed, "Uh… I said Carlisle."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Sure you did."

We went straight to my shower when we got to my house, and she didn't seem to mind getting close to me even though I was all sweaty from practice. It turned out though, that she was just teasing me. She had no intention of having shower sex, deciding to be a safety nerd.

She moaned when I lifted her up and pushed her against the shower wall, inadvertently causing more friction, "See how stable this is? Babe, I'm not going to let you fall."

"Being all wet feels so good," she shivered, kissing my neck. I had to agree with her, feeling her entire body rub against me was almost more than I could take.

Was that a yes?

"Mm, yeah, it does," her breath was uneven as she bent down to kiss my neck, "But if you drop me and give me a concussion, you'll be a lonely man at night," she warned.

I smirked devilishly at her, knowing my balance would be just fine. I disentangled myself from her, and she whimpered from the loss of friction. I put my hands on my hips and spun her so that she was facing away from me.

"Bend over and grab onto the edge, okay baby?" I asked.

She shivered- even though the shower was steaming hot- and bent over. I let a guttural groan fall from my lips at the sight before me.

I was a lucky fucker.

Eagerly, she wiggled her ass and I couldn't stay still any longer. I held onto her hips and pressed my erection against her. She moaned and I saw her grip tighten.

"You ready?" I asked, and on hearing my voice, she pushed back against me.

"Y-yes," she said, "Please…"

I loved hearing her beg me.

"Please what?" I said, bending down to kiss her back, holding her back against me. Her breath came in pants, although I'd barely touched her.

"Please fuck me, Edward, I need you to f-fuck me," she moaned when I bit down on her neck lightly.

I stood up straight again, positioning my cock at her entrance. I hissed when I pushed all the way into her. She was tighter from this angle, squeezing me so hard I had trouble pulling out so that I could pound back into her.

She felt the difference too, and kept moaning my fucking name like it was the only thing keeping her sane.

I growled when, only after a few more thrusts, her moans became loud screams, and I felt her squeeze me impossibly tighter.

"That's it, cum on my cock like I know you want to," I said through clenched teeth, pressing my thumb on her clit. With one last scream of my name, she milked me, causing me to fall into that sweet oblivion soon after.

We both lay panting on the shower floor for a few minutes, her leg hitched over my hip and her hand on my chest. I reached up and turned off the shower when it started to get cold, kissing Bella's head.

Even though practice ended at three, we didn't end up getting out of the shower until six.

She sighed, still not having opened her eyes yet, "I don't think I can move."

I chuckled, standing up with her cradled to my chest. I carefully stepped out and toweled us off, handing Bella her clothes again and watching unabashedly as she dressed. I noted, with intense pleasure, that her legs were shaking and she was having more trouble than usual walking. I smirked after I changed and kissed her cheek, grabbing her hand to go downstairs.

Before we got downstairs though, my dad started yelling.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! You used up all of the hot water! Why were you in the shower for three hours, that's very-"

My dad stopped when he saw our wet hair and lazy smiles. His lower half was covered by a towel and it was clear he was trying to take a shower when it turned cold.

"Oh, Bella, how nice to see you… never mind about the water," he smiled, as if he were thankful for the cold water, and left us alone.

I rolled my eyes when we walked out to my car, "I think I could get straight F's and say it's because I was having too much sex, and he'd be perfectly fine with it."

When we got to the theater, Edward asked me what movie I wanted to see. I blushed when he asked, because truthfully, I didn't exactly care what movie we saw- I was more flustered by the setting. Edward smirked when he caught onto my train of thought. We were obviously both recalling one of the chapter I'd written about a movie theater.

Damn, it seemed like everywhere we went, I had a stupid fantasy about it.

Just when I was about sure that Edward was going to start teasing me about it, I heard a desperate plea coming from the secluded part of the parking lot we were in.

"Please! I… I'll pay you double than what you normally make doing this."

Edward and I both looked over towards the voice and our mouths dropped open. We saw Mike Newton talking to some woman in a tight outfit that looked to be made out of cotton and spandex.

It took me a moment to piece it all together… the woman was a stripper, and Mike was beggingher to have sex with him.

See? Even the strippers have better taste…

She looked disgusted by the sight of Mike and his desperation. She didn't even know him and she was a good judge of character.

I thought it odd how Mike didn't even know this woman, and he was so desperate to have sex that he was prepared to pay her double than her usual profits.

Edward looked at me incredulously and we got out of the car, walking into the movies. I huffed. Thanks for ruining my little fantasy, Mike.

BEBE

I was having a surprising amount of trouble figuring out how to give these stupid pictures to him. I looked through them a couple of times and went through some doubt as to whether or not I had the nerve to give these to him.

But I tried not to think about that too much as I looked at the pictures inside of the golden box that Rose gave to me to wrap them in.

This was insane… I've never done anything like this. And what if we got in a huge fight someday and I ended up seeing these pictures on the internet?

I sighed, knowing I was being irrational. Edward would never do anything like that and I knew it. Hell, he'd probably give them all back to me if I asked for them.

I narrowed my eyes and counted the pictures… just making sure.

Yeah, this was how I was choosing to spend my Thursday night. At this point in time, most teenage girls were excited for Winter Formal in two days, but I wasn't even sure I was going. Edward hadn't exactly made a move to ask me, and I didn't really know if I wanted to go.

What I was worried about was much more complicated- Christmas presents.

Would he just laugh in my face about the whole thing? Maybe these pictures wouldn't be as good of a present as I thought… maybe-

"What's up, babe?" I heard from my doorway.

I screeched, surprised that he was here and shocked that the pictures were just in my hand. With wide eyes, I slammed on the top and gave him an anxious smile, putting the box back onto my bed where he hopefully wouldn't question me about it.

He looked at me oddly, "What's that?" he asked, moving towards the box.

I blushed and shook my head, "Nothing important."

He quirked an eyebrow, wrapping his arms around me, "You know I can get that information out of you, right?"

I nodded and sighed, "I know, but I really wish you wouldn't try. Please?"

He chuckled and nodded, "Okay."

"Hey, how'd you get in here? Did I leave the door unlocked?"

"Beverly let me in," he said, leaning down on and grasping the gold box, grinning at me as he held it high above my reach.

"Edward, give me that!" I said, trying to jump up and grab at it while he just looked at me with an amused expression, knowing I wouldn't be able to reach it while he was holding it that high. He reached his other hand up to take the lid off of the box, a smile still on his face when someone opened the door, thankfully saving me from this humiliation.

But… wait, wouldn't I be going through that same humiliation? And on Christmas?

I was forced out of my thoughts by Beverly, who had opened the door.

"Auntie Bella? Did you take back the picture I had?" she asked.

"Um… no?" I said, trying to avoid having this conversation. Maybe I could get her to think she lost it.

She frowned and left, and Edward went back to going to open the box.

"Stop… Edward, that's your Christmas present!" I said. At last second, he frowned, and then gave it back.

"Okay, well, at least I'll get to open it eventually. You really didn't have to get me anything," he said.

I cradled the box to my chest and then put it up on my shelf.

He snickered, "You looked really embarrassed about whatever was in there, though, I'm kind of anxious."

I'm kind of anxious too… just not in the same way. I changed the subject, "Anyways, what are you doing here this late?"

He shrugged, "Wrestling practice ended early and I was thinking…" he said, trailing off when he started kissing my neck. I gave him more access by tilting my head back, giving a slight moan.

And I thought he was going to continue by saying 'that we should fuck', or something, but apparently not.

"-that we should go swimming."

I blinked and lifted his head up, looking him in the eye, "You okay?"

He nodded and gave me a devilish smile, "Yup. Perfect, why is it so odd to want to go swimming?"

"Um… because it's 10 o' clock at night, when most pools are closed. Seriously, what's up?"

He smirked, "Is it so out of character for me to want to see my girlfriend in a tiny swimsuit?"

I shook my head and blushed, "I suppose not, but not right now… I'd feel weird breaking into a public pool. Maybe if you had a pool at your house, but…"

He cocked his head to the side, "Hmm… I'll have to talk to my dad about that," he said playfully, and winked.

"So do you want to tell me why I'm the luckiest man in the world? Emmett and Jasper were telling me that I was today. Not that I disagree," he trailed his fingers up my thigh suggestively, causing me to shiver, "-but any particular reason that you know of?" he asked.

I blushed again.

He chuckled, "Does it have anything to do with my Christmas present?"

"I think you've used up your quota of questions for the day," I said, and changed the subject, "I wonder how Mike did with that prostitute today."

"Hopefully, he didn't do that well, because if he did, we'll have to hear about his odd sex stories tomorrow."

BEBE

"Edward, that doesn't make sense. You're moving out in a year and a half- it'd never be used after that. You've never wanted a pool before, and I think it's just irrational."

My dad was really not getting the point of the pool. We'd been arguing about it for the last twenty minutes. I was going to have to tell him why I wanted one.

I groaned, realizing how awkward this was about to get, "Bella said she wanted to have sex with me in a pool."

I averted my eyes from his, because I thought he might actually say no to this request. Sure, he'd spend thousands of dollars on lingerie and help us evade the principal to have sex, but get a pool for it seemed a little irrational even to me. It didn't hurt to try though.

But when did my dad ever let me down?

"Oh… well, I'm sure we can work something out then. I'm sure Esme would like a pool too," he said with a smirk on his face.

I smiled, only realizing what his answer meant after a few seconds.

"How about a hot tub, actually? Edward, we live in Forks, let's be reasonable."

Translation- sure, I'll buy you a hot tub to have sex in, but let's be rational.

BPOV

"Alice, I don't know if I can give him these pictures… it just… isn't me."

She rolled her eyes, "Actually, it is you, and Edward will love them! He's the one who suggested it, isn't he?"

"Not exactly… I think Beverly actually gave him the idea before he talked to me about it…"

"Beverly gave him an idea about sex?" she asked incredulously.

I nodded, "Long story… anyways, Alice, I just don't think this is a good idea."

She huffed, "You have a pretty screwy idea as to what's a good idea. You tied my cousin up in a closet for God's sake."

I rolled my eyes, "Alice, let it go… it was bound to happen eventually. What was a bad idea was telling Emmett! He's going to tell Edward," I said anxiously.

"Bella, honey, he's going to find out in a week anyways. Emmett can manage to contain himself for a week- have some faith."

EPOV

"For fuck's sake, dude, stop looking at me like that…" I said to Emmett. He was looking at me and bobbing his leg up and down anxiously.

Jasper glared at him, "Emmett, stop thinking about that for a moment. I should've told Rose not to tell you."

Emmett huffed, "I can keep a secret!"

"What secret?" I asked, and then realizing that they were talking about Bella's Christmas present to me. I smirked, "Emmett would probably tell me if I gave him some beef jerky."

"Mmm, beef jerky."

I raised my eyebrows to Jasper, "See?"

"Don't ask about it, Edward."

I rolled my eyes, "You should know me better than that, Jasper, now that you said that, I'll have trouble not tempting Emmett."

He shrugged, "It's your Christmas present you're ruining."

I grumbled, "Fine."

"Good," Jasper said, "Can we move onto something else now?"

Emmett was happy to provide another topic and gave both of us a pouty face, "Do I still get my beef jerky?"

CPOV

"Carlisle Cullen, get your ass in this room right now!" I heard from the kitchen. Esme was using her stern voice and I shuddered, wondering what was wrong.

I reluctantly went into the bedroom to see what was troubling my wife. She had on her reading glasses and was looking at my checkbook.

"What is it, dear?" I asked, running a hand through my hair.

"I thought you said you weren't cheating on me," she said in a voice that was soft and hurt.

"Esme, honey, where would you get a stupid idea like that? Why would I cheat on the most wonderful woman in the world?"

"Don't lie to me," she said, and pointed at the checkbook. More specifically, she pointed at the investment that Edward had made last month that entailed lingerie for Bella.

I gulped, "I can explain-"

"Explain what!" she snapped, "How you bought lingerie for some woman that definitely wasn't me?"

"Yeah, I bought lingerie for another girl, but I'm not interested in her that way."

"Girl? Oh, so she's younger, huh? And you aren't interested in her but you bought her a shitload of lingerie?" she said in a defeated voice.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her, "So much younger that it would be pedophilic to be interested in her that way."

She blinked and shrugged my arm off of her, "You bought lingerie for someone who isn't eighteen?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Well, yes, but-"

"But what, Carlisle? There's nothing you can say to fix this."

"Well, if you let me finish, I would be able to tell you that the lingerie was for Edward and Bella."

She looked contemplative, "Really?" she asked, looking at me with wary eyes.

I nodded, "Of course. You can ask him and he'd tell you the same thing."

"I'm sorry," she sighed, leaning on my shoulder, "I overreacted."

"It's okay. So… Esme, honey, I was thinking we should get a hot tub?" I asked her. She quirked an eyebrow up at me.

"You've never wanted a hot tub before. I'm not completely opposed to the idea, but what brought this on?" she asked, facing me with a delighted smile.

Oh nothing, just trying to get my son laid…

"I thought it might relax you," I lied, "-you've been so tense lately," I said, kissing her cheek.

She smiled, "Yeah, I think I might like a hot tub."

Merry Christmas, Edward.

BPOV

"Bella, stop freaking out about it. He's going to love them. Besides, he's so in tune with you sexually that he won't laugh at you, if that's what you're worried about."

I huffed, "It isn't my fault, Al, I'm just worried he won't like it."

She rolled her eyes, "Bella, you had Rose and I about to be lesbian for you, Edward's going to love it. He jumps at any opportunity to make things sexual with you and you know it. In fact, he would probably be able to tell if you were masturbating over the phone without telling him."

I blushed and coughed, "Alice! No he wouldn't. I don't sound that different."

She smiled, "Okay, I have an idea. How about you don't complain about giving him the pictures anymore if you try it out. Try to be as quiet as you can though, so it's fair."

"Alice, there's no way I'm going to do that!" I exclaimed.

"It's your only way of getting out of giving him those pictures," she taunted.

I groaned, "Fine… I'll call him now, but you have to go!"

"Okay, I'll show myself out," she said and winked.

"What the fuck is that?" Alice asked from downstairs. I confusedly went over to the stairs to see what was wrong.

I groaned when I saw her looking at the big easel that held Charlie's interpretation of what Edward would look like as an old man.

She looked up at me with a horrified expression on her face, "Bella, what's wrong with you?"

"I didn't do it! Charlie did!"

Yeah, Bella, because that sounds so much better.

"Um… I mean he made it to show to Edward."

Alice still didn't seem placated, "What the fuck?" she repeated.

"Never mind," I sighed, knowing there was no way I was going to be able to make this look good and she left with an odd look on her face.

I rolled my eyes and picked up my phone to call Edward.

"Hey, Bella," he said and I sighed in contentment.

"Hey."

"What's up?"

"Oh nothing. Alice just saw what Charlie thought you would look like in forty years. Pretty tame compared to my regular day. What about you?"

"I decided what I was going to get Emmett for Christmas."

"What?"

"Beef jerky."

"What, why?"

I heard him chuckle, "Long story."

Okay, it was either I was going to do this now or never. It was my only way to get out of this embarrassing Christmas present.

I unbuttoned my jeans and slid my hand inside, feeling an intense blush on my face as I touched myself to the sound of Edward's voice.

"It was a long day, and even longer without you," he said.

I tried to keep my voice even as I replied to him, "Y-yeah," I said breathily, "I know… urgh… what you mean," I gulped.

I slid another finger into my aching core and gasped. Shit, I was really bad at being quiet.

I heard him cough, and I noted that his voice was deeper, "Baby, are you touching yourself?"

I automatically slammed my hand on my bed and blushed, absolutely mortified. I only said one sentence and I blew it.

"Damn," I cursed, "I… um, didn't think you would notice."

He blew out a breath of air and his voice was deeper still, "I think about those goddamn moans every day, Bella, I think I'd be able to notice."

I moaned softly and felt the urge to reach down again.

He chuckled with a dark humor, "You did say you wanted to add phone sex to the list… you sure you want to get into this right-"

"See, Bella! I told you he'd notice!" I heard Alice-Cockblock-A-Lot yell from downstairs.

I wanted to address an issue, I've been getting lots and lots of PM's from very worried people about when I'm ending this story. I don't know who gave you the idea that this story was going to be two hundred chapters long but sadly, I'm not that awesome. It will go on until about thirty chapters. But don't freak out, I have a million other ideas swarming around in my psychotic head.

Oh, and also, I'm sorry this took a while. Yeah, I'm on break and everything, but I've been spending some time watching scary movies and I've been irrationally scared. And if I would've tried to write, my characters would be dead, and let's face it- life isn't happy with a dead Kink-lisle.

And yes, I'm well aware that all of you are yelling at me for not writing the phone sex scene. All in due time, Dirty Twerds, all in due time.

Song of the chapter- Trouble by Never Shout Never. That's my new favorite song for a very good reason : ]

MWC- Christmas! XD My favorite holiday made better.

Chapter question- WHAT WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT YOU GOT, OR ONE YOU HATED? I loved my computer, and I hated my friends' crude present.

REVIEW!