I know. I know, I'm sorry. You have no idea what I've been getting up to, its crazy.
QUESTION: Should I split Howl up into to stories so its not so long or do you guys think it would be okay to have a 60 chapter -something long story? PLEASE ANSWER IN REVIEWS OR PM!
DISCLAIMER: I own Sienna, and Tyler and Tess and any other character or storyline not Twilight associated.
"You promise you will call me everyday?" Tess questioned me for the millionth time. I pulled back from our embrace with a couple of sniffles, smiling at her comment.
"That is so cliché to say," I laughed. She looked me stern in the eyes and I couldn't refuse her question.
"Of course I'll be calling you. Have to update you on the drama in some way," I giggled sarcastically. She smiled gently, pursing her lips as we looked at each other.
Almost as if my arms had a mind of their own, my hands encased her small figure into me once again, not wanting to let go of the girl I had concurred everything with since the day we met in kindergarten.
"Oh, I almost forgot to ask," she bounced out of my arms and took a step back with a joyous smile across her face. I tilted my head quizzically, not exactly knowing the cause of her sudden energetic behaviour.
"Remember that time you forgot your history homework, and I gave you mine to prevent you being sentenced to an after school detention?" she questioned enthusiastically. It took me a moment to recall the memory, but suddenly the image came together in my mind.
"Yes…?" I dragged out my response.
"Remember how you said you owed me?" she rocked back and forth on her heels in a childish manner. I rose an eyebrow and let silence convey my confused state.
"I'm cashing in my proposal," she smiled brightly but sardonically. I crossed my arms as a smirk crossed over my features.
"And what would this 'proposal' be exactly?" I asked as I leaned on the car frame, interested to find out what this was all about. She smiled blithely and took a small number of steps forward; reaching out to grasp my hands.
"I want you to tell Jacob how you feel," she spoke softly. I immediately laughed aloud and pulled my hands out of her clutch. Giggling amused by her comment, I picked up the last box and placed it in the truck.
"You're real funny, Tess," I shook my head walking back into her house.
"I'm serious. I will not leave today until your promise me that. This has gone on for way too long and I will not let you pass a moment like this by," she marched behind me with her fists clenched in a passionate approach.
"I don't have any feelings for Jacob, Tess. Nor does he for me-," my hand was suddenly yanked back, causing my figure to spin around rapidly.
"He kissed you, Si. Don't stand here and tell me he has no feelings for you," she looked sternly in my eyes. I stared with a blank expression, taking her words in. As much as I may have disapproved of what she was saying, I couldn't help but reconsider where I may lay in Jacob's heart.
"Don't…just-," I sighed deeply shaking my head. "Let's not go into this. Okay?"
"Get into what?" a husky voice spoke from behind us. I swivelled around to face Tyler holding 3 boxes stacked on top of each other. My eyes popped out of their sockets; curious as to how he had the strength to carry so much, but most of all frightened that they'd tip on top of him.
"Tyler! Are you crazy, they're going to fall on you," I spoke frantically, trying to reach up and grab the top box.
"Leave it, Si. I'm fine, really," he chuckled walking to the truck and placing the boxes inside. I glanced at Tess momentarily, making sure I wasn't the only one to have witnessed that. She simply shrugged her shoulders and shook her head; signalling she was just at lost for words as I was.
"So what are you girls gossiping about now?" he strutted forward, his perfect, pearly white teeth shining at us. I couldn't help but linger on his tall frame for a small moment; admiring his lean, built body structure. How was this guy not off the market?
"Ty, if you liked a girl and she kissed you, wouldn't you use that opportunity to your advantage?" Tess questioned him, crossing her arms interested to intake his response.
"Yeah, why not?" Tess clapped her hands together and then pointed at Tyler with a grin on her face as she looked back at me. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms unthinkingly.
"See, even he said so. I'm telling you, do it. It will be the best decision you've made in your life," And telling her about this was the worst. Regardless of what anyone may of said, I knew what I needed to do before anything else occurred.
Talk to Jacob.
And I would…eventually. But I had the feeling that we both needed to take a break from each other for a while. We were constantly stuck together, and it was not healthy for anybody to be around someone so much. Even if I didn't mind.
"Who are we talking about exactly?" Tyler frowned quizzically, habitably running a hand through his brown, shaggy hair.
"Jacob Black," she slipped out effortlessly. My eyes literally popped out of my head as my head snapped to where she stood. I glared at her with heatedly, my hands clenching together so tightly I would have been cutting out the circulation. Her lips mouthed the words 'whoops', and she stared at the ground uneasily.
"Ahhh, so is he first kiss guy too?" my eyes shifted over to Tyler who had put the pieces together and figured out my secrets. A smirk rested across his features but his eyes showed a different emotion I could not pin-point. I nodded my head to answer him; not wanting to lie to him and also uncomfortable by his sudden knowledge of my personal life.
"Well, he seems like nice guy from what you've described," he started walking forward back into the house, stopping next to me before he continued on. "I say go for it, Si," he whispered, patting me on the shoulder encouragingly and made his way inside.
I took in a breath after a few moments, glimpsing up at Tess once again who was avoiding eye contact. I pursed my lips and crossed my arms, unfriendly towards her small frame. Finally she looked my way, her head bowing a little under my stare.
"Sorry," she spoke softly. I shook my head as I continued to visually burn holes through her head as my livid state
"You should be happy your moving states,"
It's a painful feeling, the emotions that rush through you as you say your final goodbyes. People who you love and treasure are forced out of your life, and its not something you can control. You just have to accept it, and deal with it as you may.
But how? How can you let yourself go about your day-to-day life without those people in it? There ought to be a book, written in the perspectives of people who have lost loved ones; maybe I could deal with situations like this a little better. I'd never been good at goodbyes, it was my forte.
"You'll be fine, everyone loves you. You'll be sitting with coolest kids in school before you know it," I hugged Tess encouragingly; knowing this was the last embrace I'd be squeezing out of her for a while.
"I just want to stay here," she cried as her face was buried in my shoulder.
"You'd prefer to stay in Forks where nothing ever interesting happens, rather than go to Seattle where opportunities for your future are just waiting outside the door. Really?" I smiled amused. She shrugged defeated and continued to stay in my arms. A laugh couldn't help but escape my lips; the cause of her memorable and childish behaviour.
These were the things I knew I'd miss about her. Her gullible nature and innocent comments that would entertain you all day. I didn't know how I was going to cope without her by my side. She was the only friend I'd really had all my life besides Jacob. Not seeing her everyday was going to take some getting used to.
"Everything will be great," I said after a moment, pulling her back from my grasp. "I promise," I smiled assuring. Her lips expressed a small grin as she let go of me, turning to Tyler who stood patiently.
"Take care of her," she gestured over to me as she spoke, wiping the tears off her cheeks.
"Of course," Tyler chuckled and wrapped his huge frame around Tess. It was almost funny to witness the change of relationship between the two. I still remembered Tess being incredibly nervous around him, and talking about how handsome Tyler was only a few months ago. Now they reminded me of Quil and Embry somewhat; always mucking around and planning some evil scheme, towards me unluckily. An unexpected change, but I preferred them this way.
The sound of the car's horn bounced throughout the street; reminding us that the time had finally come for us to depart ways. I looked at her one last time, trying to hold back the tears that were just waiting to flow out. But I had to be strong, not just for me but for her. She would break apart if she knew how much I was hurting inside, and I couldn't let her back out now. So I did what I did so well, and put on a brave face; reminding myself that all things happen for a reason, even if they do tear you apart.
And before I knew it, my hand was swaying back and forth in the breeze as I farewelled my dear friend; a tear escaping my eye as the car disappeared around the corner. And just like she had vanished, so did my facade.
I collapsed to the floor, my emotions taking control as the realisation that I was now alone hit me hard. I cried out in sadness, I cried out in selfishness, I cried out everything that had been creeping up my spine the last few days. Everything from finding out Tess was leaving, to the difficulty in Jacob's and I relationship that I would have to face eventually. It consumed me, to the point that I had no more self-control to keep it inside.
Suddenly I felt hands manoeuvring their way around my torso, reminding me I was in fact not alone. Tyler's melodic voice whispered soothingly in my ear; ensuring me that I didn't have to face this alone. Of course I had Tyler, and phone calls with Tess would keep us in contact. But it was still different, everything had changed. And if there was one thing that I hated more than anything in the world, it was change.
"It's not the end, Si. You'll see her again soon," he spoke softly. My cries still continued, disobedient to me to put them to a stop. I wanted to stop, I didn't want to show my weakness, I knew I was stringer than this. So why was I breaking so easily?
But unfortunately, my life had just started to ascend up a steep roll coaster hill, and it was only a certain amount of time before I was to tip over that small bend and plunge into my misery. I didn't know it yet, but things were about to get a lot worst than that day. So no, this was definitely not the end. It was just the beginning…
Sunday 23rd November
The ceiling stared down at be from above, letting my imagination run free as I gazed at its plain state. It described my life in the current moment perfectly though; plain, boring and colourless. I felt drained, no real motivation brewing inside of me to do anything. So I just stared. But it wasn't too long till he drifted into my mind once again.
He was all I was all I was thinking about, and not talking to Jacob was tearing me apart by the second. Every day that passed was a day that our friendship was at risk of not connecting once again. Neither of us had spoken a word to each other since the day of Sarah's anniversary.
I knew he was embarrassed to speak to me; the Jacob I knew would be thinking by now that I am no longer part of his life. It was a different scenario for me though. It wasn't that I didn't want to speak to him; I would have seen him days ago if that were the case. But the thought that held me back was telling him a lie….again.
If I saw him, then I would not be able to tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him how that kiss was the best moment of my life; I couldn't express my deepest and darkest feelings for him that had lingered within me for years. And it scared the life out of me. Because really, how do you tell your best friend that your in love with him?
Love.
Even the thought of the word made me gulp in fear. I'd fallen so easily, so fast that I didn't even identify it till the night he kissed me. I'd always loved Jacob, but it wasn't till recently my love began to grow and blossom into more than I'd expected. I sighed and sat up from my still position, rubbing my dry eyes to as I took in my thoughts.
Thanksgiving was coming up in the next few days to top it off; a holiday we always spent with Jacob and Billy. And I knew regardless of our relationship, Dad and Billy would carelessly go ahead to join our families for the holiday. So I had to fix this before then, I was not prepared to spend several hours in a room with Jacob and I not talking. It would kill me, and I knew our fathers would catch on to our awkward behaviour immediately and interrogate us till we told them the truth.
I stood up off the bed and quickly got changed into leggings and an oversized jumper, slipping on some black boots in the process. I made my way to the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. I grabbed my makeup bag, applying a bunch of products on my face hastily. I groaned irritated, as a frizzy kink in my wavy hair caught my attention. I grabbed my brush, about to pull it through my hair before I froze.
"What am I doing?" I spoke aloud. I stared wide eyed at myself, dropping the brush suddenly out of fear. I took a few steps back, sitting on the edge of the bath and took in deep breaths.
I'd never cared about my looks, a kink in my hair was just an everyday situation. Makeup, clothes, anything that involved time to alter my looks was never appealing to me; I wasn't that type of girl.
So why did I care about all that now?
The answer was obvious in my head, but it was intimidating to accept. The amount of times I had turned up to Jacob's with my hair in a messy bun and dirty clothes were beyond me. But now as my feelings towards him changed, I had changed. Physically, emotionally, my life was now altering as Jacob consumed my thoughts. I was eager to impress him; for him to notice the way my hair caught the light. Or catch me out when I'm laughing; not to see me happy, but for him to possibly fall in love with my smile just as hard as I'd fallen for his.
I ran out of the bathroom in panic, making sure not to catch myself in any mirrors as I walked out of the house. I grabbed my belongings and headed out the door at a quick pace; knowing that once I was on my way there would be no way for me to talk myself out of going and turn back home.
As I sped down the windy roads, my mind rushed just as the wind that passed me; confused and worried about how I would approach Jacob. I didn't know what to say or do, and unfortunately the ride down wasn't long enough for me to prepare. Before I knew it, I was parked outside his small house; staring wide-eyed in terror.
My eyes shifted over to the metal shed at the side of the house. The door was opened and I could hear the faint sound of music playing; which could only mean one thing. Jacob was home.
"Damn," I muttered under my breath as I hopped of the bike; secretly hoping in the back of my mind that he wouldn't be home. As previous events in my life had shown, I'd never been one to have luck on my side, and it didn't seem to want to hang out with me today.
Regrettably, I took my first few steps towards the shed; nearing closer and closer till I was metres away from the door. My eyelids shut tight for a moment, wishing that by the end of the day things could go back to how they used to be. I didn't want to do this anymore, I didn't want to dwell on the possibility that our friendship might end over a kiss. I wasn't willing or prepared for that to happen, and I was going to fix it one way or another. And so I opened my eyes, stopped wishing for the best, and took another few steps forward.
And there he was, bobbing his head up and down and humming in time with the soft music playing. A small smile crept upon my face as I continued to watch him attentively, my eyes focusing on the small things he was doing. The way he bit the side of his lip in a concerned state of mind as he leaned into the engine of the car. Or the way his arms tensed up every time he turned the wrench clockwise; I could even see the small veins running through his defined arms. I was that fixated on him.
Which is exactly why I didn't notice him staring at me. I immediately jumped in fright; embarrassed that I had been caught gazing at him. His surprised stare gradually turned into his playful smirk and he turned his soft eyes back to the engine.
"Long time, No Si," he beamed brightly looking down. I smiled gently at his joke as I leisurely walked forward into the shed; also feeling a lot more comfortable at his playful behaviour. He pulled with all his strength on the wrench one last time, and dropped it by his side after he finished. He grabbed a cloth; covered in oil and grease as his hands ran through it, and made his way over to me.
"Hi," he beamed brightly standing in front of me. His contagious smile was all I could stare at, and somehow made my lips creep to reach the side of my cheeks.
"Hi," I responded, growing more nervous under his stare. We continued to watch each other with stupid grins plastered over our faces; the only sound echoing around us was the slow melody emerging from the radio in the corner.
"The car looks great," I stated after a moment, breaking our gaze and walking forward to the bonnet of the Rabbit. He followed behind me, observing his new work; both of us trying to keep a conversation flowing as silence was something we didn't want to sway into.
"Yeah, I got a lot done considering it was just me," I saw him staring at me from the corner of my eye as my concentration was directed at the car. I looked up and heaved a sigh; knowing his comment was addressing the fact that I had made no contact with him the past few weeks. Though I felt culpable, it wasn't just me that hadn't reached out; he had the opportunity to speak to me too. And this whole thing was taking place because of his actions.
"Jacob…-" I turned to face him as I prepared for the speech that I was about to expel. But he held up a hand pausing my oncoming sentence.
"I'm sorry," he said blankly. His chocolate eyes reflected the ground as he bowed down at them; the urge to pull his face up to meet mine burning within me as I watched him.
"I didn't mean to. You were just there and I wasn't thinking; about anything really. And I know you are mad at me for it and you should be, you can hate me if you want. I'm just-," his face rose to look at me, his eyes pouring out guilt and regret.
"I'm really, really sorry, Si," he apologised over again. The look on his face almost made me want to cry out; he was more conflicted over this than I was. And worst, he thought I hated him. He thought I hated the fact that he presented me with one of the most breathtaking experiences of my life. I stepped forward, not uttering a word and encased his figure around my arms. His torso relaxed under my touch and I felt his hand move around me waist slowly.
"I don't hate you. I don't hate you at all, Jake. I was just…" I let go of him and met his eyes. "Confused," I smiled slightly. He nodded understandingly and let his eyes fall to the floor once again with a blameworthy exterior over his features.
"Look, it happened, we-…we kissed," I shook my head in slight disbelief at my words. It was still new and fresh in my mind that I no longer was the girl that had yet to be kissed. "You weren't thinking straight and we were both in vulnerable positions and I guess we turned to each other for comfort…or a little more than that," I muttered.
"It happens, but I'm not going to let this ruin us. You're my best friend, the only person I share my food with, or wouldn't care if you threw up all over me," he chuckled amused as I spoke.
"Nice, Si," I grinned vibrantly at his joyful manner.
"Its something rare, Jake, and I'm not prepared to let you; or any of it go," I know what I was stating was true, but I couldn't help but think of the possibility of telling him how I really felt.
"So, we're good?" he questioned, slight uncertainty lurking in his voice. "Oh, yes, we're absolutely fine, Jake. Actually, I really enjoyed when you kissed me, it was probably the best moment of my life. And I think I'm falling in love with you," Yeah, I don't think that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
"We're great," I smiled reassuringly. His face lit up almost instantly and soon his long arms were lifting me off the floor and spinning me around in the air. I erupted in a fit of giggles; feeling as if I was glowing out in happiness.
We were back, just like nothing had ever happened. Though, within my heart a different feeling was brewing. I was now permitted to pretend like nothing had ever happened; that his lips on my own had no importance upon me. I'd always been good a casting a sheet over my emotions, but this was different. This was Jacob.
Would I be able to resist the temptation that my heart held for him, or fall into the beautiful but deadly trap of love?
.
Well, personally Sienna, I'd stuff all the rules and kiss Jacob all day. But that's just me ;)
I know im just a tad delayed on this chapter (try like two months), and I know nothing spectacular is happening. But these next few chapters are actually quite important.
I'm focusing mostly on Jacob's and Sienna's relationship. I really want to emphasise how important they are to each other because their love and protection for each other is really what makes the story. The whole, moral; I guess you could say, for howl is about friendship and what you'd do for another loved one.
So really try and grasp where Sienna is coming from. Put yourself in her shoes, try and envision the scenes before you. I think it will help for later on.
OH, AND HOW FREAKING AMAZING WAS BDP2! I cried, I was juts so shocked and me and Mariama (Ms M.E.B.S) were just sitting in the cinemas crying and screaming in shock. But, wow it was amazing. I'm actually extremely sad that its over…what do I wait for next year?
Anyways, Merry Xmas and a happy and safe New year to all of you wonderful and supportive people. I'd be nowhere without your love and support for the story.
Love you all xoxoxox
Ps: Did you know that on the 30 of November, Howl turned 2 years old! Wow, this story is getting old. Better get a move on then and finish…see ya!