Jaal was alone with the drone camera in a small room. The Angara Nations' flag behind him. He was glad Evfra wasn't here, Jaal didn't think he would be able to testify under Evfra's scrutiny. His report to Evfra after the Moshae had stabilised was fraught. "Your mind is clouded by that human!" he shouted.
Jaal didn't speak. He accepted Evfra's scalding words. He deserved it for his incompetency. Being distracted by that reporter was a rookie's mistake through and through. He had lost his instincts as a Resistance fighter. Letting his guard down, assuming Meridian was safe, believing she was who he thought she was. Jaal gritted his teeth.
"Are you even loyal to the angaras? Or have you deserted your roots?"
His downturned eyes flicked upwards to meet Evfra's. This was a grave accusation to an angara. Family was everything, to desert one's roots was to never be reborn into your family, to never better your clan. "No!" Jaal answered forcefully.
Evfra glared at him. Neither backing down. "Don't think this will be the end of this." he rebuked. "You are to testify before the Leadership at the trial of Sara Ryder."
Evfra practically spat her name, forcing the defiled name through his teeth. "You know what to do."
Jaal nodded. "I'll speak the truth."
"Good."
Next came a list of instructions, the first of which was to resign from his position on the Tempest. Thankfully, the trip back to Aya was uneventful. He spent his time on the shuttle reading article after article, watching news reel after news reel. The Bloody Blade was everywhere, there was no avoiding it. The Moshae had looked at him with pity but she didn't stop him.
It wasn't enough to have his loyalty called into question, he had to testify at her trial. Jaal endured. He didn't break his cool under Tann's questions. Throughout the questioning, he only had audio to go by. Nobody thought to provide him with a visual link and he was grateful. Jaal wasn't sure what he would do if he saw Ryder. The anger and sense of betrayal was still too raw for him to process. However that comfort was torn away quickly when a buzzing came through his omni tool. At first, Jaal was confused. Then a familiar voice came through.
"SAM."
Jaal froze. It was Ryder, his darling one. No… Not any longer. Not after what she had done. He stabbed at his omni tool but the connection remained stubbornly live. Short of ripping the implant from his arm, Jaal had no choice but to listen in. With every passing minute, he felt more and more like a filthy spy.
"There is no precedence to transfer Pathfinder authority when the Pathfinder isn't dying or dead," SAM said.
They're taking the implant from Ryder. His eyes widened. Logically, he knew Ryder's actions would have consequences but he never really thought about what it actually meant. She's Pathfinder no longer.
"I can't be fixed."
Jaal's heart broke. Tears pricked his eyes as he sat heavily down on the chair behind him. His hand trembled a little as wiped his face with it. No. She's the enemy. She… she almost killed the Moshae.
His connection remained live even when it was clear Ryder wasn't speaking anymore. There were voices, so many voices, each speaking in turn. He flinched when Evfra called for Ryder's life. Jaal only let his breath out explosively when an unfamiliar voice refused his demand. His emotions were an utter mess. His mind warring with his heart. By the time the connection died, he had heard every single nitty gritty detail. Brain surgery, imprisonment, solitary confinement. Ancestors, why? Why let me know? Why are you so cruel? How did things go so wrong so fast?
He stumbled out from the room, looking distraught. Jaal didn't want to return to his apartment. The memory of that one perfect day still lingered there. The perfect day was now all ashes. His legs moved on their own accord, Jaal wasn't in control. In the end, he found himself at the Moshae's door. His hand hesitated for a moment before finally knocking.
"Come in."
The Moshae took one look at Jaal's face before bridging the gap between them. Her arms opened wide as Jaal bent to sob into her shoulder. "Hush child," she soothed. "Grief, grief for the love you once had. Cry, cry for the girl you once loved."
Jaal's hitched breaths were the only sound in the room.
Days later came news of Ryder's escape.
It's just cruel.
Turned out, it wasn't that hard to get a job but Umi only needed her for the weekends when Kralla's Song got crowded and rowdy. She's throwing in a free dinner on the nights Ryder worked so there's that.
So what the hell am I going to eat on the other days?
One free meal for two days of the week was nice and all but that's really no way for a biotic to live. Ryder knew she could survive, making the food last, but it wasn't going to be pleasant. She shuddered to think what would happen if she didn't have the strength to defend herself on a place like Kadara.
I need more credits.
There were only a few ways to make credits on Kadara. You either work for Sloane or you scavenge. There were other job opportunities like dancing at one of the clubs but Ryder didn't think she was cut out for such work. She'll sooner kill her clients than make them drop more credits. Working for Sloane was out of the question, even with her radically changed appearance Ryder didn't want to take a chance. Sloane was involved in all manner of unsavoury activities. She had to draw the line somewhere. Even now, she still had some standard. Beating up handsy guys at a bar was fine, outright punching shop owners for protection money tasted bitter to Ryder. So scavenging it was for Ryder.
She had to survive the next five days before her next confirmed meal. It was a study in endurance. Scavenging was hard as she quickly learnt. The good stuff were all far from the port, Ryder had no mode of transportation. She couldn't afford to buy one so she was tied to the port. With no equipment or ability to survive out in the badlands, she had to be able to make it back to the port by night fall.
The scraps she managed to gather weren't even valuable enough for anyone to actually want to buy them. Her heavy legs took her to the last place in the port to try and hawk her scraps. Instead of knocking on the door and shoving the scraps into the proprietor's face, something else caught her eye.
There in that dinky little workshop was a pristine sleek hover bike. The bike was mostly black with red fairings and chrome accents. That particular hover bike was small, not large and brutish like the others she had seen. It looked a tiny rocket that packed a punch under its frame. Her hand twitched involuntarily as she remembered her beloved bike she left back in the Milky Way. Gods, I could really use a ride now. Wind on my face and all that.
"See something you like?" a gruff voice asked.
Ryder jerked her attention from the bike. It wasn't like her to allow herself to be distracted like this. It's little things like this that could get her in trouble. Her father frowned at her, a look which she studiously ignored. Yes, your failure of a daughter is lusting after a hover bike. Priorities right?
She took in the salarian standing with her arms on her hips, wearing only a pair of dirty overalls and nothing else underneath. By Ryder's gauge, she was definitely old. the mechanic was mostly a moss green colouring. Her two horns were slightly shrunken and no longer smooth skin like younger salarians. She had black lines marking her face that looked like an inverted Y. It stretched from her forehead and down the middle of her face before splitting into two going around her mouth in straight lines. Everything about the mechanic shouted old, almost in the grave, but her eyes were filled with a fire Ryder had seldom seen. Ryder blinked almost drawn into her eyes for a moment.
"You made that?" she asked almost reverently.
The salarian nodded. Ryder shook her head slightly to shake herself from the thrall of the bike. Instead she thrust the bag of scraps at the mechanic. "Anything you might be interested in?" Ryder asked.
The salarian took a cursory glance at her scraps and just turned to head back into her shop, completely ignoring Ryder. Well, that was clear enough. Her stomach growled and it hurt. Fuck, I really need to eat. Ryder promptly dumped her scraps into the nearest recycler. Her entire day's work earned her a mere ten credits, not enough to eat.
By the fourth day she caved. Ryder used the credits she had left to buy a box of expired ration bars. Three months passed the eat by date wasn't too bad. Even then, the bars weren't an infinite supply. Ryder had taken to carry her entire load of bars around wherever she went. Sleeping on the streets meant you can't stash food somewhere and expect it to stick around when you get back. That box was the difference between starving slowly or quickly. Ryder didn't know which she preferred.
By the time Saturday rolled around, working for Sloane was starting to have its appeal. Can you eat your morals? Can your ethics feed you? She had added a pounding headache to her list of minor aliments. Those were things she could fix, what she couldn't was her very own spectre hanging around. Ryder turned her head and met her father's glare head on. He was frowning harder than ever. What he was so unhappy about she had no idea and there was probably nothing she could do.
The night's rest was a bust when she had another nightmare but it was close enough to dawn that it didn't really matter. She tried to rub the image of the faceless man from her eyes. That worked well enough in the day, it's the nights that were the issue. Her sleep had not been nightmare free since leaving the Nexus.
Ryder was leaned against the outer walls of the port. Her legs stretched out ahead of her. Though it was dangerous to be beyond the walls out so early but Ryder had taken a liking to the spot and the early hour. It's quiet and there was nobody else to content with, well other than her own father. The pre-dawn wind picked up and Ryder shivered. I really need a jacket or something. Her eyes rested on the sun that's peaking up from the horizon. At least it's pretty here.
By the time the sun was fully up, her stomach had gave up growling. Ryder dusted herself off and headed in. Maybe I can bum an extra meal from Umi if I head in early. She walked slower than usual, looking rougher than usual. By the time she reached Kralla's Song, Umi was already there. The place was still dark with only a couple of lights on. Was she getting ready for morning service? Did Kralla's Song have a morning service? Ryder realised she had no idea.
Umi was busy doing something, Ryder didn't know what. She sat down on a stool and unwrapped a ration bar from her dwindling supply. The bar tasted like cardboard, slightly sour ones. The rough texture scrapped against her tongue and got stuck at the roof of her mouth. Ryder worked her tongue over the stuck piece and growled in frustration. Even the food is fighting me. Still, it was food. Umi popped her head up from behind the counter and glared at her. "What?" her headache getting the better of her mouth.
"You look like shit," Umi said.
She shrugged. "Where have you been sleeping? You stink."
"Here and there."
"I can't have you working here, smelling like that." Umi tsked and said, "Go to the public baths and shower."
Ryder raised an eyebrow, she never heard of a public bath here in Kadara. But then she was never this fucking broke. "Broke," she just replied.
"Fuck, you are more trouble than you're worth," Umi said.
Ryder expected that. She wouldn't bother with herself too. There goes the job.
Instead, Umi tossed her a credit chit. "Get yourself and those clothes cleaned up. I want you back here as soon as you're done."
A chance to get clean wasn't anything to turn her nose up at but she had a more pressing need other than staying clean. "Breakfast?"
"Goddess! Yes, fine but it's coming out of your pay."
Ryder almost leapt to her feet but she realised she didn't really have the energy for it. Instead she settled for a shuffle. She left her precious bag of expired ration bars at Kralla's. On her way out she saw the mechanic approach and entered. The salarian didn't even looked at her. Ryder sighed.
Tucked between a cramped dance club and a weapons stall was the public baths. The entrance dark like it was open for business. Ryder hesitated outside. Then a turian pushed passed her to enter. A pair of faux paper door covered the real ones. She followed the turian in.
Inside, Ryder realised the place was styled like a traditional Japanese bath house, with stools and low shower heads for cleaning up and a large hot tub for soaking. Her heart leapt at the thought of a good soak but Umi's credit chit was good only for a quick shower and a quick wash of her clothes. Ryder sighed. It was still a chance to get clean. Stripping out of her clothes and dumping them into the decontamination box, Ryder took a clean towel from the rack and heading to the showers.
The hot muggy atmosphere hit her the moment she walked in. The air was harder to breath inside as water condensed on her skin. She looked at the options available. There were a bunch of tough brushes. Those were probably for krogans and turians. Those bristles looked like it would cut a human's skin easily. A bunch of bottles that were labelled oddly. Ryder didn't think they looked particularly ideals for a human's skin. Finally she settled on a bar of soap, that seemed to a universal for every species. She headed right to an empty spot at a corner. Beside her was the turian attempting her best to sit on a very human stool. It wasn't going well.
Ryder ignored her fellow bathers. She turned on the shower and a hot spray of water hit her skin. A display started a countdown from five minutes as soon as the water started. Shit. No long hot showers here. Running the bar of soap over her body, her hands worked to get the grime and dirt that accumulated from days of rough sleeping out of her skin. Her hair was next. Hot water hitting her scar helped to ease her headache a little. There was a quick beep and the water cut off. Ryder sighed as she towelled off. Her clothes were also done with the decontamination cycle.
Ryder walked out of the bathhouse, fresh and cleaner than she was in days, maybe weeks.
In the end, Umi and her came to an arrangement. Ryder would give Umi mornings on the weekdays and nights for the weekends. Umi would provide her with breakfasts on weekdays and dinner on weekends. Sleeping on the streets was off limits so she had taken to sleeping in the stock room at Kralla's. It wasn't fantastic but it's workable and at least she made more credits and had one dependable meal a day.
Ryder preferred working the nights. She wasn't required to talk at all. Mostly she communicated in grunts, growls and glares. Plus, she could take out her aggression on patrons when they pissed her off. Umi didn't seemed to mind her style though there had been way more cuts, bruises and broken bones on the clientele since her arrival. The morning sessions were ok for the most part. Other than for the fact, the workers heading out to scavenge would rather their server actually spoke to them. If she had a bad night, Ryder would be glaring her way through morning service. People were beginning to think that she was mute. The mechanic was a common fixture for the morning service not that either of them had paid much attention to each other. At least the ignoring had matured to a stoic nod as greeting.
Two weeks into the arrangement, Umi was getting ready for morning service when she received a call. "Hey, clean up the bar for me. I need to see to something. Wrench's coming in to check out the generator for me. Just let her in and she'll do her thing," Umi said as she hurried to the door.
Umi frowned when she was properly looking at Ryder. "You look rough. Anyway I'll see you in a bit."
Ryder sighed, rough was right. It was one of those waking up from a nightmare to find yourself still having the nightmare shit show last night. Ryder woke up with a pounding headache and her judgemental father again. Why doesn't he disappear like he used to? Her headache was getting worse. Her eyes flicked to the corner of the empty bar. "Shut up," she said.
Her father didn't reply. He just stared disapprovingly as usual. "Shut up," Ryder repeated. "I can hear what you're thinking. Your daughter is incapable to do anything right. I'm doing my best here, okay?"
Ryder let out a hiss of frustration as she went behind the bar. Grabbing a rag and a pail of water, she started cleaning. When the bar was clean, she tidied up the rag and pail and settled down again. The comms came alive and Ryder heard a gruff nasally voice came through. "It's Wrench. Let me in."
Ryder tapped her omni tool and the door unlocked. The door took a long time to open and when it did it hissed loudly. She probably need to get someone to look at that too. What's not falling apart on Kadara? Everything and everyone.
Wrench turned out to be a salarian, the salarian. She nodded at Ryder and just headed off into the corner to work on the generator. There was nothing else left to do unless you count having a stare down with her ghost father. Those contests he'll always win, her eyes would dry up way faster than his. Ryder rubbed the back of her neck and somehow her headache managed to intensify. Fear seized Ryder as she realised what's happening. She scrambled quickly behind the counter.
Where are the cuffs? I remember seeing them here. Where are they? Where are they? Fuck!
Finally she found them. Ryder slipped one over one hand and activated it. Then she looked around for a likely place to cuff herself to. There were some study looking pipes just off in the corner of the back room. Ryder looked at her hands, they were starting to flare. Fuck! Wrench's still here.
Ryder ran into the back room where Wrench was working. She pulled her omni tool off her hand and tossed it over to Wrench. As she worked quickly to cuff herself to the pipes, she shouted. "Use the omni tool to get yourself out of here. Lock the door behind you!"
Wrench just stared at her as if she was crazy. Ryder shouted louder, "Go! It's not safe h-"
The familiar pain came from the back of her neck and she blinked.
Ryder groaned. Her arms felt sore as if she had been struggling against a monster for who knew how long. Opening her eyes she realised she was still cuffed to the pipes. How long this time? Did Wrench leave? Was Umi back? Fuck, there goes my fucking job.
It was a bad episode, Ryder could tell. Her gorge raised and she emptied her stomach onto the floor. "Are you back?"
Ryder opened one eye and looked around. Wrench was still there holding her omni tool. She groaned. "What the fuck are you still doing here?" Ryder asked. "I told you to go."
"You're back I see."
Ryder just closed her eyes and leaned against the pipes. The bone deep weariness was back and now all she was good for was sleep. "Hey!" Wrench shouted.
She just groaned in reply, then she heard Wrench tapping on something. Her cuffs disengaged and Ryder's arms came loose. Pushing herself up with her hands, Ryder stood up and she dusted herself off. She stretched a hand out towards Wrench. The salarian cocked her head at her. "Omni tool," Ryder clarified.
Wrench tossed the tool back to her, Ryder immediately pulled it back onto her arm. Checking the chronometer, she realised she lost only an hour or so. Kralla's Song was due to be open soon. Fuck, she got to get through the morning service somehow. Ryder yawned and trudged her way to the main room. "Are you ok?" Wrench asked warily.
Ryder didn't bother answering. She didn't know which was Wrench asking about. Was she asking about her episode? Or was she asking about her current status. The answer to both was no but what's the point of burdening the salarian with the answer. It's not like anyone could do anything. Ryder could barely keep herself from hurting others. This was the first time any kind of measure worked. Ryder returned the cuffs where she found them. Maybe I'll have to look into getting a pair myself and to think it's for kinky shit.
Ryder let out a breath through her clenched teeth as she stood. Her boot slipped and she came crashing back down behind the counter. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath and suddenly found a pair of arms pulling her up.
"What the hell are you doing?" Ryder asked, realising Wrench was pulling her arm over her shoulder.
It was Wrench's turn to ignore her questions. The salarian half drag half carried her out of Kralla's Song, all the while ignoring Ryder's questions. "Hey I need to get ready for morning service! Where are you taking me? Let go of me!"
All of it fell on deaf ears it seemed. Regardless, Ryder just didn't have the strength to put up a fight, apparently she was rather helpless if someone called her on her bullshit. The lack of control galled her but she didn't think Wrench was about to smack her on the head and rob her. She had nothing to take anyway.
Eventually they made their way back to Wrench's workshop. Just behind the shop front was an entire living quarters. The place was larger from the inside than it seemed on the outside. That wasn't the surprising part. The surprising part came in a large furry package that came barreling towards Ryder and knocked her clean off her feet. At first she was scrambling away and ready to send a Shockwave in its direction. "Stop!" Wrench yelled as she picked up her namesake ready to clock Ryder on the head.
Ryder had the wherewithal to realise the large white furry thing that's heading towards her was harmless. She allowed the energy to dissipate as Wrench dropped the wrench. "Why the fuck do you have a husky?"
For some reason Wrench looked tired. "Long story."
Ryder got back on her feet, the husky satisfied with its greeting ritual and was content to just walk between her legs. It's probably a malicious attempt to kill her via tripping. Wrench opened the door to a room and the lights came on via motion sensors. "Sleep."
"Umi."
"I'll handle her," Wrench said. "Sleep, you look like shit."
"So everyone tells me."
The bed in the room looked too inviting. Ryder trudged in and fell face first into the bed. Within moments she was asleep, she didn't even wake when the husky curled up next to her in the bed. Wrench watched for a little while before turning off the light and closing the door.
She was tied up, the faceless man throwing the acid again. She screamed and opened her eyes to find herself in a cell. Her hands cuffed behind her back and a trio of men rushing her. She hunched to take the rush but nothing came, she turned and realised she was standing in front of Raeka and the Moshae. Her omni blade dripping with blood and she was laughing. She was laughing so hard her lungs burnt. She was in the room one moment and the next she was standing among charred and burning corpses on a blood soaked field. "Stop!" she shouted. "Just stop!"
It didn't and it never did. The field was gone and she was lying on the operating room. Needles was here again with her syringe. "No!"
Ryder jerked upright. The shout still echoing in her head. The door was flung open and Wrench came in. A pistol in hand she cleared the room professionally, not something that escaped Ryder's notice. "Nightmare."
Wrench nodded and left the room. A deep booming bark came from beside her. She turned and realised the dog was looking at her. Ryder patted the dog. Walking out of the room, she realised Wrench was sitting down on a sofa. The dog followed her. Ryder took the arm chair opposite Wrench. As she sat down, Wrench tossed her a ration bar.
Ryder unwrapped the bar and started chewing, noting that this bar tasted marginally better than the expired ones she had had. She waited. Wrench didn't speak, eating her own bar. The dog barked and looked meaningfully at her. Should dogs even eat this? It's not even good enough for human consumption. I think it'll poison the dog. Ryder shook her head at the dog and somehow it managed to look disappointed.
"Her name is Kiba," Wrench said. "She never take to new people that quickly.
Ryder turned to Kiba and said, "I'm honoured."
The salarian barked a quick short laugh. "You're funny. What's your name?"
Ryder just shrugged in reply. She could have just say any damn false name but it didn't feel right. Wrench had been kind and she didn't deserved to be repaid with lies. "That's fine if you don't want to tell me. I understand. People come to Kadara for many reasons and none of them good."
Wrench leaned back into the sofa. "Everyone here is stuck one way or another. A prison of their own making. I sense you bring yours wherever you go," Wrench said.
Ryder looked away. Truer words were never spoken. "I just want to wake up one day and not regret it," she whispered, her own words bitter on her tongue.
Ryder couldn't bring her eyes to meet Wrench's. She was afraid the salarian would see too much there. It's bad enough she had an episode and Wrench was there to see it. Instead Ryder asked, "So do I still have a job to go back to?"
"Sure, why not," Wrench replied. "I told Umi the generator needed more time and you were helping me. Kralla's Song is closed for the day. The first time since it had opened."
Ryder stood up. "Thanks for your help," she said. "I'd appreciate it if this remains between us."
Wrench shrugged. "You know if you need a place to crash, I have a spare room."
Tempting as that was, Ryder shook her head and ducked out of Wrench's workshop. She wasn't here to make friends. She was there in Kadara to get lost, to bury herself so deep even she can't find her way out. Maybe it wasn't deep enough.
She tapped her omni tool and music started playing. A blending of a clear female voice with a lower male's. It filled her ears and provided a soundtrack as she made her way back to Umi's.
Just 'cause I predicted this
Doesn't make it any easier to live with
And what's the point of knowin' it
If you can't change it? You can't change, can't change it
Lyrics taken from To be Human by SIA
I've commissioned art for my Sara Ryder and now OC too! Check them out if you're keen.
Sara Ryder, art by Lukreva
Sara Ryder, art by Noctuaalba
Sara vs Krogan, art by Palavenmoons
Wrench, art by Palavenmoons