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This is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

Word Prompt: Maintain

"Earth to Edward," Mike said, waving his hand in front of my face.

"What?" I said, snapping out of my daydream. I couldn't focus on anything except the fact that it was my last night with Bella, and I had no clue how to go about saying goodbye or what the future would hold, for that matter.

"What is with you today, man?" Mike asked, a little annoyed. "You've been distracted from the moment you walked in this morning, and I'm pretty sure you haven't heard a word I've said in the last five minutes."

"I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind." I let out a long breath and ran my hands up and down my face, trying to get my head back in the game.

"Is everything okay?"

I nod. "Yeah. No. I don't know. It's personal, actually." I really didn't want to go into details at the office. As a general rule, I liked to keep my worlds separate. It was easier when things didn't work out, and it also meant I didn't bring work home.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked, his concern genuine.

"Nah. But thanks." I paused and then looked right at him. "Actually, if you don't think you need me, I'm going to take off. I'll check in with the team before I go, but I need to take care of some stuff. I can't do that and be here."

Mike shrugged. "Fine by me. We've got it under wraps, and you and I have already talked about our plan for the remainder of the week and early January."

Feeling relieved for the first time since I woke up, I thanked him, finalized things with the team, and packed up my stuff. I went straight to the hotel and packed my bags – or at least packed them as much as I could before my flight the next morning. After changing into a pair of jeans, I grabbed my coat and scarf and left the hotel.

All morning long, I'd thought of nothing but Bella. The memory of her soft smile and beautiful eyes as I'd pulled out of our hug the night before had been on a constant loop all morning. Things had ended exactly as I'd hoped, and I was excited to spend my last night with her, if not a bit apprehensive about really saying goodbye, not just for the night but for the next who knew how long.

I knew I wanted to make our last night special, but I also wasn't sure what she had planned. In some ways, I didn't want to do anything; I just wanted to be with her, to spend time with her. I thought about the coming holiday break and wondered if there was a way to see her. I knew I could fly back to Seattle, but I wasn't sure if she'd be open to spending more of her holiday break with me. I had no real clue what her Christmas plans entailed, other than spending time with her dad, but I really wanted to find a way to stay connected.

As I passed a sign on the highway pointing me to Pike's Place, inspiration struck. I wanted to get her something, a little gift, for Christmas and to remember me by. There were a few shops last night that had fun holiday memorabilia, and I decided to see if maybe something there caught my eye.

~*WS*~

When I got to Bella's house, I could hardly contain my excitement. I'd spoken with her late in the afternoon, and we were both on the same page. I'd picked up the ingredients for pizza, and we were going to spend the evening in kitchen rolling dough, making sauce, and then devouring our little creation.

I thought about the things in my coat pocket, wondering when I could sneak my gift for her under the tree. I didn't want her to see it until after I'd left. I still couldn't believe my good fortune when I'd walked into the first store and found the snow globe with the Pike's Place tree all decorated and lit up. I knew the minute I saw it, I wanted to get it for her. I hoped when she opened it, she would smile and think of me.

Dinner came and went. The pizza was delicious. We overdid it on the cheese and couldn't stop laughing at the strings of melty goodness that practically hung from our mouths with each bite. At one point Bella reached over and wiped a bit of sauce from my chin, her eyes dancing with mirth as she made some wisecrack about me being a slob.

It was like time raced by. One minute it was seven and the next it was ten. We'd spent the entire evening talking and laughing, both feeling completely relaxed. As the evening had worn on, Bella and I had moved into the living room and onto the couch. We'd started out at opposite ends but at some point, she'd scooted closer, and was leaning against me, my arm wrapped around her. It felt like she just fit there, and the fact I was going to walk out her door later that night and had no clue when we'd get the chance to do it again left me feeling empty inside.

I thought about the envelope in my coat pocket and felt my fingers itch. I wanted to give it to her, but I was nervous about her reaction. She had always loved surprises, but this was… well, this was big.

"Bella," I said as she refilled our wine glasses.

She looked up at me. "Yeah?"

"I was wondering what your plans were for the holiday break." I said, trying to act way more nonchalant than I felt.

She set the bottle down, the bottom clinking against the surface of the table, and scrunched her face up in thought. "Well, I'm spending Christmas with my dad in Forks, but after that, I'm not really sure. What are you doing?"

I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I didn't. "My parents are coming into town for a few days and then after that, well, I was sort of wondering if maybe… hang on," I said as I stood up and made my way to the coat closet.

I stuck my hand in and immediately felt the cool paper between my fingertips. My heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I took a deep breath, trying to remind myself that a "no" didn't mean the end of us, that it might just mean she couldn't come.

Her eyes were on me as I slowly walked back to the couch and sat down. She was tucked into the corner of the couch, her feet flat on the cushion and her knees bent, and I slid across it until I was right next her, my thigh resting against her feet.

She laughed nervously. "What's going on?"

I bit my lip and just went for it. "Would you come to Princeton for New Year's Eve?" I asked, my words sort of running together.

Her eyebrows shot up, and her mouth opened and closed in what I hoped was surprised excitement. "What?"

I swallowed and slowly extended my arm until I was holding the plain white envelope with her name on it out for her to take. She took it and untucked the flap, her eyes bouncing between me and it. She peeked inside, and her head jerked up.

"Just hear me out," I said quickly, wanting to make sure she understood my intentions. She glanced back at the contents of the envelope before she looked at me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, and I wished I could read her mind.

"I know it's a lot, but I was thinking, if you're free, that maybe you might want to come to Princeton and spend some time there. I know you might have plans and that this might be too much too soon, but I just…" I blew out a breath. "I just thought maybe I could show you who I am, give you a glimpse of my life… like you've done here with me."

She didn't say anything, so I pressed on. "I have a guest bedroom. Or I could get you a hotel room. Whatever you'd be comfortable with. I don't want you to feel pressured. I just wanted to figure out a way to see you. I'm not even gone, and I'm already trying to figure out how to get back to you."

Damn, that was the truth.

"You don't have to say anything. Just tell me you'll think about it. Please," I said, my voice pleading, and worse or maybe not, bordering on desperate.

Please say yes. Please.

Her fingers were brushing across the paper, and I could tell by the furrow in between her eyes that she was wrestling with the idea. For whatever reason, I took that as a good sign. I had to, otherwise… well, I couldn't think about the otherwise.

"Bella," I said softly, my fingers stilling hers. She looked up, and I could see all the indecision, the confusion, the want and fear there. I hated it, but I understood it.

"You don't have to say yes now… or at all," I said, the last three words coming out in barely a whisper. "But please just give it some thought. I would really love to show you Princeton, more about my life, my friends… but I get if it's too early. The ticket is refundable and changeable, so whatever you decide is fine."

She nodded her head. "Thank you. This is… this is so generous and thoughtful, Edward. I just need a bit of time to process it, if that's okay."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I knew deep down that was the best I would probably get, but the disappointment was still difficult to stomach.

We tried to climb out of the weird mood that had descended around us, but everything felt heavy. I was at war with myself, frustrated that I had taken the perfect evening we'd been having and twisted it into something that left us feeling vulnerable and any number of other emotions.

She was deep in thought, almost oblivious when I decided it was up to me to change things. I couldn't leave with us feeling unsettled. I didn't want to maintain what we'd started. I wanted it to grow and flourish, even with the distance. All the signs told me we were on the cusp of something amazing and special; if only I could make her see that, make her see that I wasn't the same person I was ten years ago, that she could trust me not to walk away, to break her heart all over again.

The silence was eating at me, and slowly, just like the night we'd had the talk, I realized some music might be the answer. I quickly scrolled through her music and settled on something soft but hopeful.

As the chords of the piano began to play, the delicate tune floating through the air, I walked over to her, held out my hand, and waited for her to look up at me, to take it. When she did, I pulled her up off the couch and hesitantly placed my hand on her waist and wrapped my hand around hers. I took a step closer to her, until she was up against my chest, and slowly began to move.

Beat by beat I moved us in a small circle in her living room, allowing the music, my touch, to communicate what I felt I couldn't say.

i surrender who i've been for who you are,

for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.

if i had only felt how it feels to be yours,

well, i would have known what I've been living for all along.

what i've been living for.

As the music began to build, her head pressed against my chest and she let go, her arms sliding around my waist. I pulled her closer, running one hand through her hair and tightly holding her against me. We danced through two other songs, all slow but hopeful.

When she pulled back, her eyes were soft but alight. In all my life, I would never forget the way she looked in that moment – hair sort of mussed, lines from my shirt on her lightly pinked cheek, lips wet from the quick sweep of her tongue.

She was breathtaking.

She was almost mine.

I lightly brushed my thumb across the apple of her cheek, relishing the smooth peach skin, and opened my palm when I felt her lean into me and her eyes briefly flutter closed. Her hand reached up and pressed against mine until she had intertwined our fingers and dropped them down by our sides.

She leaned forward, slow and deliberate, and gently pressed her lips against mine. They were hesitant but inviting, her mouth soft and warm. It was nothing more than a whisper of a kiss, but it was everything to me.

I felt like my entire body was a live wire, coursing with so much energy and intensity. I could have stayed like that, completely lost in the moment, lost in her, when she pulled back. A small smile had formed, and then she uttered the one word I'd wanted her to say all night.

"Yes."

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