As promised, the latest installment of my increasingly stupid story.

On a side note, please, stop mentioning my errors. I know they are there, I will fix them once I get my computer back. I die a little inside each time anybody says a thing.

SO BEAR WITH IT!

And quit making me yell like that, it reminds me of somebody I don't like very much.

I'm sill feeling quite sad, so I apologise for the late update.

I was allowed back into my home, but at what cost?

You could probably say that at this point I had pretty much sold everything that made me feel... real.

I'd given u all of the poor people things which I loved; arcade games, outlet stores, malls, fast food and buying stuff off of the back of a truck.

I had given up any sense of civil pride I had ever had to this cause, which I had been told so many times before was a hopeless one. I had given up school barely an hour ago, even if I hated it all anyway it was still a huge loss if I was never put into another school, though I was fairly certain that my father didn't want to see me grow up to be a drop out.

I had even often considered giving up my right to choose a bride - because in the world I lived in it didn't matter that I wanted to marry a man (or to be somebody's bride, as my mother would've said.)

I was considering it right now.

Aiko wasn't too bad, was she?

It would get me the one thing I had been wanting ever since I was old enough to know a baby comes from both a woman AND a man.

Marriage meant I would have to have kids.

I was the oldest - and only - son of the Iwa family and I stood to inherit everything because of a drunken mistake.

My kids would inherit everything.

I would likely become a bitter old man, out to get my kids because I wasn't given the ideal opportunities when I was younger.

Basically if I didn't make the right decision now, a bunch of kids I didn't even want -

No, I wasn't like my father!

I would never allow myself to become that way!

But how can I be so disgusted with a man I so admire?

At that point there was only one thought zooming through my mind.

I'm scared.

And as we all know, I'm a firebug. When I get scared I -

"Deidara, can I come in?" Ino's voice floated through the door and into the swirling torrent of misery which had taken the form of my bedroom.

I was still getting used to her using my real name. Danna had done something while in my body and things were so different now.

"Yeah un, come in."

Having been granted permission, Ino entered the room tentatively.

"Hey," she said meekly. I had never known her to be that way before. "I heard about what happened."

Of course she had, why else would she be here.

"I was just thinking it all over when you decided to stop by, un," I said quietly. I hadn't even thought of looking up at her, lest she see the utter defeat in her big brother's eyes.

She looked up to me - like, apparently anyway - and she didn't need to now just yet that even her strong, brave big brother can be broken down from a ten foot tall wall, to a single chipped brick.

She didn't need to know.

"Do you know what choice you'll make?" She asked.

with a sigh I told her I had already promised two different courses of action to two different people.

"So then you go for the first one, right? A promise is a promise and we have to honor our words!"

"But un, we have to consider that blood is thicker than water."

"And plastic is thicker than paper," she said, "but that doesn't mean I should fold plastic into origami."

"What does that even mean, un?"

"It means that once you and Aiko are married, father will be sending both of you away."

"Wait a minute un, away where?"

I had made sure that no school abroad should want to take me in, and I wasn't even a junior in high school.

Father just wanted to get rid of me?

Ino looked around the room carefully and I remembered that the walls have ears.

"I heard mum and dad talking an well... when you get married, you'll have to sign a contract stuffed in with your marriage papers which says -"

"Ino! Come down here please!"

Our fathers voice filled the room and probably the whole top half of the house.

Ino never got to finish her sentence and for the rest of the weekend, she was too busy to be able to speak with me.

But whatever she had been about to say, didn't put a single doubt in my mind because I had already made my decision.

I lay awake in bed Sunday night just thinking about the people I was going to upset with this choice.

I was left only to wonder whether anything in my life up to this point, had ever been worth it.

I didn't realise it right away, but Deidara being forced to leave school, meant that I had no job, and no job meant I had no way to support my family, which ultimately meant my court case went from a definite winner, to a complete dud.

I was going to lose my cousins because of this, I knew it.

I met again with my lawyer on Saturday, right before I had to pick my cousins up so we could head to Deidara's house - I couldn't fathom any reason why we has been invited but it would be rude not to turn up. We had also been invited to the wedding next week, though I already had plans that day to sit at a table in the school gym and watch happy couples be happy together in the highschool dance atmosphere. I could only hope that Deidara was there with me instead of standing at an alter waiting to seal his own fate.

"You no longer have a job?" My lawyer asked. He seemed thoroughly annoyed at this point.

"I lost it on Friday. It won't take me long to find a new one," I told him.

"And in the event that you don't?" He asked. I didn't answer because I knew it was rhetorical. "I have no problem taking a case like this, even if there's no guarantee that I'll get fully paid back, but right now it isn't looking very likely that you'll be able to support your family any longer. I know you and your cousins are very close, but I wouldn't feel right if you were awarded custody and were unable to provide any type of life."

"So what are you saying?" The words came out even though I knew what he was saying.

"I'm not going to go through with this case," he said.

Now this was Hidan's lawyer and if he was nice enough to deal with Hidan, he was definitely nice enough to know that this was the wrong decision to make. It was one that would only hurt the people involved.

"I can't abandon my cousins like this! Do you have any idea what that will do to them?" I said.

"They've got a wealthy, loving grandmother willing to take care of them," he told me, looking as though he wanted to choke on his own words.

"You defended me last year! You of all other people should know that that isn't true!"

He looked away guiltily.

"Can't you just fight for a continuance or something? Give me two weeks and I can find another good job."

"Usually I would agree, but word has been travelling fast about you and its likely that you won't ever be able to find work in this town again."

Word?

"What do you mean, what have people been saying about me?"

By now, he was getting ready to leave, having no business left here, he said, "it appears that you have made an enemy out if Iwa Hideki."

I had to say goodbye to my cousins.

They would cry and then i would probably cry as well.

Temari would more than likely attack me and call me a liar and they'd all accuse me of abandoning them.

I could see it now.

Temari would scream, "if you hadn't taken us in n the first place, this wouldn't be happening! You shouldn't have tried to care for us all by yourself!"

And Kankuro would add, "I can't believe your letting that old witch take us!"

And Gaara would be pushed out to play the guilt card but he would only stand there and look at me with sad green eyes, silently begging me not to go.

That would be my undoing.

I would crumble and there would be nothing that I could do!

What did they expect me to do anyway?

I couldn't move to a new town and take them with me! Not to Iwa - coincidentally where both halves of Deidara's family had come from - since we would end up in only the same situation as Deidara had been in. I couldn't take them to kiri because it was too damn cold and not to Sauna because that was where Chiyo was already taking them and where we had all used to live before their father moved us and abandoned us here in Konaha.

Wow when you really think about it, our luck really sucks doesn't it?

Now we couldn't go to Ame, since both Pein and Konan were refugees from there and according to them, Ame was a hellhole (depending when you asked them) and we couldn't go to Taki since their schooling system sucked. That really only left Yuga as a main choice but none of us wanted to liven a tourist town.

Konaha was the my place that could sustained us and now, that was no longer an option.

I wouldn't tell them though. No until the last minute.

I wouldn't want t spoil their night with the news that we ma never see each other again.

This would be the last time the four of us were together smiling and laughing and thinking that maybe things were going to be alright.

but they weren't.

They just weren't.

I had been forced to borrow clothes from itachi; nice rich people clothes which were annoying to wear or to even look at. But Itachi had insisted, since a lot of Hideki's important rich people friends were going to be there, giving gifts to the happy couple - Itachi had also said most of them and even his own father were shocked that Hideki had finally found somebody to marry that mess of a boy.

Itachi said that when Deidara was married, along with a bunch of papers he was going to be signing - apparently standard rich people procedure - he would also be made to sign a paper which dissolved all and any rights he had as the first born son of the Iwa family, and any legal tie and obligations. It was basically Hideki's way of disowning his child.

Deidara and Aiko were to be sent away, the Haruno's and their daughter were to be given a large sum of money and Deidara would never be able to see his family again.

I had never hated rich people more, than in that single moment.

Itachi drove me to the orphanage. His entire family, as well as Kisame - who had become quite popular in their separate little world - were all attending.

When I entered the orphanage I realised that pretty soon, this would be my only choice of a home.

"Aw, you look just like one of them!" Konan exclaimed when she saw me. She ruffled my already messy hair and hugged me tight.

Her and her psycho mummy complex.

When I didn't as anything or even try to get away, she loo,end a me seriously and said, "uh oh, what's wrong?"

Now I had a choice; I could either tell her my problem and listen to her unhelpful solutions, or I could wallow in self pity for approximately the rest of my life.

Hmm... forever was starting to look pretty good right about now.

"Nothing,"I lied.

She smiled sadly, because she knew there was something really bothering me, but she didn't poke at it.

"Well you look nice," she said, her smile falling, "your cousins are through here. I had them borrow some clothes from some of the other kids their age. The four of you could be just like a family of them, a least with the way you all look."

Yeah, tonight we could pretend.

It would be wonderful, for just one night, to pretend that the world wasn't trying to systematically screw me over.

When my cousins came out, could instantly tell that they were uncomfortable.

Temari had worn dresses before, but usually they weren't so... well at this point it was finally clear to me that Temari was actually a girl - how I had managed to not notice that for this long, was far beyond me.

As for Gaara and Kankuro, they were the epitome of stiff and awkward. It was like they didn't know how to stand.

Temari seemed to have gotten the hang of how to stand, but it seemed she couldn't stop adjusting her dress.

"Can't I wear shorts or something?" She asked, in a way that seemed unfamiliar and wasn't as demanding as her usual tone.

"No, you look perfect!" Konan exclaimed . "Boys stand up straight, it's never going to work if you relax like that."

"Aren't clothes supposed to be comfortable?" Kankuro asked.

"Yeah' for poor people," Konan said, "do you want to be poor for the rest of your life?"

"If it means I can wear sweats for the rest of my life, then yes," Gaara said.

"Too bad. The three of you are going to be Konaha's biggest success story, I can already see it, everybody will wish they had shit parents and an idiot caregiver once they see how awesomely you turned out!" Konan exclaimed, oozing enthusiasm.

Yeah, that might be the case if they were going to be staying in Konaha.

"You kids ready to go?" I asked.

It was like they were noticing me for the first time.

"Sasori looks just like one," I heard Temari say. She received a murmur of general agreement. "I think when you and Deidara get married, you'll surely suit being a rich man's wife," she said.

I didn't know what to take from that.

Firstly if anything, he would be my wife.

Secondly, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a part of that backstabbing community.

Thirdly, I didn't even now if I wanted to marry Deidara... or at least if he wanted to marry me.

This was insane.

"Shut up and get in the car," I said.

"You sound like a paedophile," Gaara commented.

How he even knew that word was beyond me.

The three of the rushed out, perhaps excited to get another chance at playing make believe.

Perhaps still under the impression that the word was fair and kind and just.

But it wasn't.

"Have they been okay?" I asked Konan.

" They've been wonderful! I wish I could have them live here with me all year round!"

I wish as well, but the only way that was going to happen was if Chiyo were to suddenly die.

We all piled into Itachi's small car. It was only supposed to seat five people but the unspoken rule was that if you could fit six, then why the hell not?

We spent the drive making small conversations, not the awkward type, but the kinds that seemed to die down quickly when one person. - in this case me - had nothing to really say. Eventually I withdrew myself from everything and watched my cousins laugh and joke around as if I wasn't there.

I could only really hope that it would be the same when I truly could no longer be there for them.

So, so, so sorry to have made all my lovely readers wait!

I have finally sought help for my overwhelming sadness and am now on pills which help me to sleep. They'll probably also put me on antidepressants when my blood tests come back in two weeks...

Anyway. Wanted to have this done sooner rather than later, but between work and homework - which I haven't completed yet - there was simply no time.