Aug. 14th

Mother has shared with me some rather upsetting news. Jack according to paper work from the divorce gets visitation for me. I swear he's done it just to make me angry!

I protested but Mother says that since it's in court papers I must do it.

Sadly it will be Mother that is in trouble if I don't. I can't allow that.

I must deal with this fool who has the unbelievable nerve to call himself MY father, for Mother's sake.

Vince thinks I should try to put it behind me because Jack doesn't know any better, I try very hard to be forgiving, sometimes it's easier said than done.

I am also forced to take his phone calls once a week.

I shall do my very best to make these conversations brief. After all, what do we really have to talk about?

We had such a conversation today. He called me from his office.

"Hello Son, it's your father I just wanted to check in and she how you and your Mother are doing." I was silent trying to keep myself together. Eddy was visiting and attempted to calm me down.

"Jack, you are making this really difficult for me" I hissed angrily.

"you have no business calling me 'son' let's get that straight right now Mister. Further more to say 'this is your father' I don't know where you get the idea that it's okay to call yourself my father. That being said let's try to get this call over with as quickly as possible." I said

"Relax Double D, remember you're doin' this for your mom." Eddy whispered

"Alright Eddward, it's going to take a lot of time for us to get through this and I have been patient with you and I am trying to keep in touch with you. I know what I've done-"

"You know what you've done, do you really, then explain this to me Jack, if you want to keep in touch and want to be such a part of my life, where are you now, why would you leave if I meant so much to you Jack?"

"Eddward, it's complicated" he said angrily.

"complicated, of course it is Jack. You as such a fool Jack. I have no more words to say to you, this conversation is done. Goodbye Jack" I hung up and walked into the kitchen.

"Double D, you okay?" Eddy asked me.

"yes Eddy, I'll be just fine., I just can't stand Jack. I just can't do it." I raged.

"I know Double D, I can imagine. I'm sorry I can't help."

"it's alright Eddy. I just need to focus on the future, on the wedding and my family. That's all there is to it."

"why don't we go and get Ed and the three of us could go to a movie and have some lunch, get your mind off of it." I agreed and I talked to Mother about Neo. She promised to look after him.

We soon found our way to the theater and had a nice time out.

Then we ended up at Jimmy's house for one of his favorite films.

Ed and Gravy left early to help with Sarah. Ed never leaves Gravy anywhere he loves him so much.

"gee Double D, it's nice to have you and Eddy over" Jimmy said offering us some cookies that he had made himself, He makes some very chocolate chunk and sugar cookies.

"nice to be here Jimmy. " I said taking a bite of one of those cookies.

"Have you heard about Nazz, Double D?" Jimmy asked. It had been a little while since Nazz was around the way she used to be.

"Nazz is still upset about Kevin putting her after that bike. I feel bad for her. She still loves Kevin and I'm sure he loves her. Do you think they'll be back together again?'

"I don't know. Kevin would have to take a step back from his bike and Nazz would have to be reassured that she comes first. Perhaps she's a tad bit sensitive." I said.

Jimmy nodded.

"What's been going on with you guys?" Jimmy asked pouring some iced tea into glasses.

I explained Mother's engagement, Jimmy expressed his happiness.

"Not a lot's happenin' with me Curly, same old stuff." Eddy said

We departed soon after our tea and upon returning home, I received even worse news, Jack had asked to see me this weekend and Mother could not refuse due to the papers.

Without saying a word I came up to my room and I haven't been back down since.

Jack is without a doubt the main irritant in my life.

I resolved to stay in my room all day tomorrow, perhaps Mother will tell Jack I'm not feeling well and I won't have to go.

Life would be better if he would just give up his rights. I can imagine what visits will be like.

I won't even see him, just like when he was with us. There will be no point.

Perhaps I'll just go to sleep early tonight and be done with it.

I've put up with enough for one day.

I fell asleep and I was surprised to find that It is now the next afternoon!

Mother came knocking on the door to check on me.

"Baby, are you okay, you've been asleep for a quite some time, it's worrying." Mother sat down on the bed next to me as I attempted to sit up. Mother wouldn't allow it until she checked for a fever.

"Well, you seem cool enough. What's wrong Eddward?" She asked as I sat up and yawned.

"Oh Mother, I just, I'm upset that Jack would want visitation when he couldn't even see me while he was with us and then suddenly he wants me around." I replied.

"I know it's frustrating Love, I do, I can understand why you wouldn't want to go too. But the papers say to allow visits and unless they find him to be unfit to have visits they have to be."

"But he is unfit, he's never around.. Suppose I go over there and He's not even there and doesn't bother to show up and I get stuck with Melody.' I said hoping Mother would see it my way.

"well if that happens you'll simply come home and I'll talk to my lawyer about it. You call home and either myself or Vince will get you. But you have to try. I'm really sorry you have to feel this way. Will you come down and have some lunch?' She asked.

"Mother, I'm not very hungry I'm sorry. I'm just to annoyed to think about food."

"I understand, if you decide you 'd like to come down stairs, Vince is coming over soon. He's worried about you too. " She left and I laid down again.

Oh dear, curse this drowsiness. I've done it again. This time it was Vince that woke me when I heard the knock.

"Come in," I called out sleepily. Vince came over to my bed and knelt on the floor beside it.

"Hey Pal, your Mother says you've slept all day. I just wanted to come up and check on you. I heard what happened with Jack today. I'm sorry. I know it's not the same but, you know when I was just little older than you, my parents weren't together, My mom asked my dad to leave and it really hurt me. It's extremely difficult to not have both parents. When one leaves by their own choice, well I'm sure it's a lot worse. Have you ever done this before, sleeping like this when you're feeling sad, all day?" he asked me concerned.

"a few times, but this is the first since you got me Neo. I suppose he wandered down to get something to eat."

"that he did, your Mother took him for a walk before he comes back up here. Eddward, can you tell me if you've been feeling anything else that maybe unusual for you, anything at all?" He too had to check my head. I thought.

"I can think of a few things, a little while ago I was invited to Jimmy's house but I felt so sad and down that day I told everyone I was sick. I had no wish to go and subject him to my mood. I almost didn't go to the pet store the day I got Neo, I just didn't want to leave my room, I had some trouble sleeping Sometimes I hurt a little but nothing major. Vince, is something wrong with me?"

even at that moment I could feel a cloud of sadness come over me.

"Well Buddy, it very much sounds like you're depressed at times. Have you noticed any triggers for it?" "Jack and and any mention of him causes me anger and sometimes when he talks about wanting to be near me I feel both sad and angry and that's when the sleepiness and irritation happens."

"Have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself Bud?" I couldn't believe he'd ask me that but I suppose he had to.

"No, of course not. I couldn't do such a thing, not to Mother. " He smiled.

"Good, Forgive my asking but I just had to check. Sometimes with depression people do things like that. Could I make a suggestion to you?" I nodded yawning softly.

"Will you talk to your Mother about this, If you'd like I'll help you through it, I think it's real important though so it doesn't get any worse. Also I'd really like you to come down and have something to eat. We were waiting for you, hoping you'd join us. Will you try?"

"yes , I'll try and I'll talk to Mother, I don't mean to be such a problem for any one." I said getting out of bed.

"Hey, you are not a problem, not at all. Anna worries about you because you're her son. Mother's are natural worriers. If she were not the slightest bit concerned I would be inclined to think she was not at all a good mom. You're certainly no trouble for me, I love you very much, enjoy spending time with you. Now, let's go down to the kitchen and surprise her, she'll be happy to see you out of your room. She took the entire day off just to be here for you. That' how much you mean to her." We did in fact go down to wait for Mother and Neo. Upon their return I told Mother that I would like to have a talk with her after dinner.

I couldn't eat much but Mother was glad I had something. After the table was cleared I sat down with Vince and Mother to discuss the situation. Mother seemed to feel guilty as Vince told her his opinion.

"Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry." She walked around the table and hugged me tight.

"It's okay Mother, It's nothing you did."

"Thank you Eddward but it's not okay, I shouldn't have allowed this to hurt you so much. I won't allow it to continue. I love you so much baby." She said as Vince got up and walked to the freezer.

"this calls for some ice cream and cake, don't you think Anna, little comfort food should lighten the mood?" He was already getting the bowls and spoons. It was almost like a scene out of one of my favorite shows. Late night sweets and talking.

Vince was right, it did make us feel better.