Love, Draw Your Swords
"You can't do this." I said dully. I was glaring at Peter but my voice sounded weak, even though the anger I was feeling should've been coming out by now. But I only felt defeat and the worst kind of fear. Peter couldn't fight Miraz. I wasn't doubting his ability to fight because those were remarkable, but if he fought... I couldn't even finish that thought, the aftermath far too gruesome to deal with. Even though I had gone through it before, it was different. Because this time. He truly would be gone. I let out a shaky breath. "Please." I pleaded, my voice a mere whisper and Peter turned his blue eyes on me.
We were standing near the Stone Table, feeling the massive grinds beneath my hands assured me of my balance but I wasn't sure how long I could hold on to it. The chamber was slowly emptying and I could feel Peter's urge to flee but I wasn't going to let him. I grabbed hold of his wrist, holding on to him tightly and I pulled him back into me.
"You can't do this." I echoed again. It felt like a mantra in my head. One that was being ignored by him so skilfully that I wondered whether I had voiced my thoughts at all. "He'll kill you." Peter's blue eyes narrowed at me and I realised I had not only offended his manly ego but doubted his abilities as a skilled swordsman.
"It seems you already made your mind up about the fight." He retorted sharply and I let out a sigh.
"I didn't mean it like that." I told him quickly, shaking my head. "I know you're a good fighter but I don't think that'll be enough."
"What do you mean?" Peter asked and I was glad to see that we were alone now. It was quiet except for our soft breathings. Mine that seemed to accelerate by the thought of Peter fighting.
"He'll do something to sabotage it. And it won't be a fair fight. And you can get hurt real badly and what if something truly terrible happens and we just have stand by and watch how you'll get..." I trailed off and I put my hand on my forehead. "I don't want to see you die again." I bit lip fervently, feeling the moisture well up in my eyes. I tried to keep them at bay but when I looked at Peter they spilled over. His eyes softened and despite the confusion in his eyes there was affection. He grabbed hold of my hand and I tightly clutched his hands.
If this was all I was going to get I was going to milk it.
"I'm not going to die, Ana." Peter told me and I let out a small sob.
"You don't know that." I retorted back. I dropped my eyes to the ground. "You can't know that."
"Ana, this fight isn't optional. I have to do this." Peter told me firmly. "Besides, you saw me when I was twenty-two and healthy in London."
"But that's not the same." I argued.
"How is that not the same?" He asked tightly. "You saw me Ana." He pointed out again. "Obviously I made it out of Narnia alive." I shook my head.
"When I saw you, you had no clue who I was. Me being here has tampered with a lot of things." I informed him. "What if it'll influence the outcome of this fight? Nothing is set in stone, Peter." I dropped my eyes to the ground. "I just don't want to see this end badly."
Peter put his hand over mine and slowly eased the grip I had on his wrist. "This isn't negotiable Ana. I don't have a choice."
"Can't you let Caspian fight?" I asked desperately. I had seen Caspian fight and he was skilled. Perhaps more so than Peter. But who I was to judge?
Peter scoffed. "I'm not going to let the future king of Narnia fight. He's the one that'll have to rule Narnia when we go back." Peter pointed out and I exhaled sharply. I could hear the contempt in his voice but I didn't want to react upon his. This testosterone fuelled arguing was completely unnecessary.
"Can't you do something?" I had now resorted to pleading.
"I am going to do something, Ana." He dropped my hand. "I'm going to fight Miraz. And that's final." I suppose he finally found the opening to leave because when I looked up he was halfway across the chamber and closing the remaining distance in a few strides. I rested my back against the table and let out dry sob.
Why wouldn't he just listen to me?
But then something else crossed my mind. Why did I wanted him to listen to me that badly? Just because he was Peter? Or because he resembled a Peter that was long gone. I blinked a few times. Not knowing what to think or feel.
"Ana?" Susan's voice was loud and I swiftly turned around. My eyes wide.
"Susan." I exclaimed. My throat scratchy. "What's wrong?" I asked her and she frowned. Her pale blue eyes concerned.
"Nothing. I just wanted to know if you were alright." I nodded quickly, answering her immediately.
"Yes, yes. I'm good. Thanks for asking." She nodded slowly, yet the frown never disappeared. In fact, the creases were only more prominent and I turned around, already moving out of the chamber.
"Are you sure?" She persisted. "Because I couldn't help but overhear your conversation-"
"Have you been eavesdropping?" I asked Susan, trying to keep the air light I added some amusement in it but I wasn't fooling her. She rolled her eyes.
"Yes, yes I know. But, it was kind of hard not to listen. The two of you were awfully loud." I swallowed thickly and the smile left my lips as I eyed the dark Pevensie.
"Well, yes I suppose so." I answered back. Not truly answering anything.
"Has something happened between the two of you?" Susan continued. I shook my head.
"No, 'course not." I lied. "What could've possibly happened?"
She looked thoughtful. "I don't know. You tell me."
"I'm really tired, Su." I made up an excuse as the tension was becoming far too personal. "I think I'm going to go to bed." Susan nodded slowly.
"Goodnight." I gave her a brief smile before running out of the chamber, closing the distance quickly. I moved through the many corridors of the How and as soon as I reached my room and had slammed the door shut I breathed.
My feet dragged to the bed.
I was too tired for this. Too tired for all of it. The pillow was soft and I wondered if it could dull the headache I had. If it could dull anything in fact.
XXXXXX
I turned around wrapping the thick blanket around my shoulders, trying to keep the warmth inside as the morning light shone and coloured my eyelids orange. In the background there were the sounds of a typical morning in London city, voices of the pedestrians rising to the sky. I could feel the rustling of the sheets as someone next to me moved. A warm hand touched my shoulder and my eyes snapped open.
Hang on? London sounds?
The first thing I saw was that everything was so incredibly bright. Almost white and I let out a spluttering sound as I sat up straight. I blinked a few times as the familiar bedroom in Peter's apartment burned in my eyes. I blinked again. I turned to the figure next to me and saw Peter's confused blue eyes peering down at me.
I let out a relieved sigh. "Pete." I murmured and he gave me a small smile and I reached out to him, grabbing his waist and nestling my face in the crook of his neck. "I had such a strange dream." His hand stroked the length of my hair.
"Tell me about it." He responded gently and I pressed myself closer to him. The dream had felt so real.
"I went back to Narnia. And oh God!" I exclaimed, dread filling my stomach. "Oh God, you died." His arms tightened around me. "We were at the platform when there was this crash and I was taken back to Narnia but you were dead. Only I saw the old you, remember when you found Prince Caspian." I started to ramble. "And you didn't remember anything we had. Or at least, not before I was taken back. And it was so horrible, because I thought you were dead but I couldn't tell anybody."
"It's alright." Peter soothed. "Don't worry. It's going to be alright." I frowned and looked up, seeing his chin.
"What do you mean it's going to be alright?" I asked confused. "It was a dream, Pete. It wasn't real." I gently pulled away as Peter's arms slackened and glanced at him. I looked around and was surprised to see that despite the curtains the light was incredibly bright.
"What is going on." I asked confused. His room seemed normal, but there was something off about it. I could feel it. I turned my eyes back to Peter. He looked the same like always. Sharp blue eyes, pale skin. Golden hair. Yet I felt off. This felt off.
"Ana, it did happen." He said slowly. It looked like he was talking to a frightened animal. "It wasn't a dream."
"That's impossible." I gasped out difficulty. "If it wasn't a dream then you'd be dead." Peter dropped his eyes.
"I am."
"Oh God!" I exclaimed. "I'm dead too." I blinked. Oh God, I had truly done it now. I was dead. But how did I die? I just went to sleep.
"No, no!" Peter said immediately. "You're not dead. Calm down!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. We were sitting upright now. His arms around me like a cage. A pleasant cage. "You're not dead. I just wanted to tell you something."
"But you can't do that!" I said frantically. "You're dead! It's impossible! Unless I'm dead too."
"But you're not!" He interrupted. "Ana, listen to me. I had to talk to you."
"Then how?" I trailed off as I turned around and looked at him.
"I don't know either. I just woke up here. So I might as well use this opportunity." He responded. I nodded slowly.
"This is not healthy." I murmured. "I swear to God that I must be mental. No sane person can think up all of this!" Peter let out a small laugh. "It's not funny!" I brought out. "I'm insane." He rolled his eyes.
"You're not. You don't have the imagination to think up Narnia. So no, this is all real." I sighed, dropping my head to the pillow.
"Well, whatever this is. I don't want to go back. You can't make me." Peter laid down next to me, his warmth jumping onto me.
"It's not your decision to make, Ana." I shrugged.
"It bloody will be." I responded firmly. "I'm tired of this."
"I know you are." Peter conceded.
"Do you know how big of a prick you were in Narnia?" I demanded. "Honestly, Peter! What were you thinking? You were such a self-righteous prat." Peter blinked at me confused. "I told you, the younger you or the other you, whatever. What I mean is that I told the Narnia you that I was sent back to London and at first you didn't believe me. Then you mocked me. And then you turned into this pompous arse and I wanted nothing more but to kill you but I couldn't because I was scared."
"Why were you scared?" Peter asked.
"I knew you weren't the one and the same. But I suppose there was a part of me that was afraid that if I did anything it would ruin everything."
"Like what?"
"I don't know." I admitted. "I don't understand any of it."
"It seems like you do, Ana." Peter responded. I turned to him.
"What do you mean?" I asked him, feeling more than just confused.
"I may not be the Peter in your world but there is a part of me in him, somewhere." Peter told me gently. "And I do think I can imagine what kind of a prat I was." He gave me a lopsided grin and I rolled my eyes.
"So, you're telling me you are the same Peter." I looked at him and Peter nodded thoughtfully.
"We are."
"But I don't want him." I exclaimed outraged. The idea preposterous. "I want you."
"But we're the same." He persisted.
"No you're not." I shook my head. "You're not. He's everything you could never be."
"Ana. That's because you don't want him to be me." I frowned.
"I don't get it." I told him. "You're telling me that even though you're not him he is in fact you?" Peter nodded. I raised my hands to my hair, refraining the urge to pull it out. "That's not possible."
"Ana!" Peter interrupted. "There will always be a part of me in him. Look for it. Be patient. And don't give up."
"But I just want you back. I don't want to look for you. I just want this." I could feel the tears set in. I bit my lip to keep them at bay but it seemed they had a will of their own. "I just want you like this. Alive." Peter let out a small sigh and reached out to me. Pressing his lips against mine gently.
"But you have me already. Just not in the form and shape you want." He clarified. "Not yet."
The tears were now falling rapidly. "Why did I have to go through all of that just so I would be stuck with the same Peter again? Why was I sent back to London then? It doesn't make any sense?"
"It was never meant to make any sense Ana." Peter insisted. "Just meant to happen." I frowned and pulled away gently.
"So that's it?" I asked. "It was meant to happen. Is that an excuse?" I continued. "Peter you died! I saw you die! And in Narnia you're being stubborn by fighting Miraz, which means you can die. Again!" Peter laughed. "And why are you laughing? It's not funny!"
"I'm sorry, love. It's just, you're referring to the other me in Narnia and me in here as one and the same person. Doesn't that say something?" He asked me and I rolled my eyes again.
"I'm not in the mood for games, Peter. Just say it!" I told him firmly. I wiped away the damp tearstains and glared at Peter.
"Fine." He conceded. "You will find me in Narnia." He said finally.
"What do you mean?" I blinked. "You're coming back with me?" Peter shook his head slowly and my heart stopped beating.
"I'm already there." I frowned as my throat constricted.
"That doesn't make any sense." I brought out and I turned to Peter again, only to see the space he occupied to be blank. My eyes swept through the room frantically. "Peter?" I said cautiously. "Pete?"
"Ana!" That was Susan's voice. "Ana? Wake up!"
XXXXX
"Ana!" My eyes snapped open and I sat up straight in bed. Susan quickly moved backwards as I eyed her with wide eyes. "Are you alright?" Susan asked me and I nodded quickly. Too afraid to speak.
"Alright then." She continued. "Well, just wanted to tell you we're all outside. I brought you your breakfast." She showed the tray that stood on the night stand.
"Wait, where's Peter?" I demanded frantically. I jumped out of bed and found myself running to the door.
"He's outside. Edmund just got back." Susan replied, the confusion in her voice obvious.
"Wait, doesn't that mean?" I trailed off slowly and eyed Susan. She let out a sigh and nodded.
"The fight is tomorrow." I blinked before grabbing the doorknob and swinging it open.
"Ana!" Susan's voice was hollow in the dark corridor. There weren't many Narnians there but the few that were there were eyeing me with surprise and confusion. "Where are you going?"
"Outside!" I yelled back.
"But at least change your clothes!" She cried out. "Ana, you're being ridiculous. Come back!" I halted in my steps. She was right. I should at least be properly dressed and I spun on my heel, running back to my chamber again.
"What's the hurry?" Susan inquired and I shrugged.
"No reason." I responded back and she gave me a sour look, one that said that she didn't believe at all.
"Fine." She clipped. "I'll see you in a minute." And I nodded as she left the room. The door closing on its own accord as her footsteps faded away in the distance.
I didn't even glance at the tray with food. My stomach far too much up in knots to even think about eating something. So I quickly got dressed, made myself proper as I could. Although the frantic motion in my eyes wasn't to be missed. It was everywhere. The way I walked, talked and probably even looked as if I was going to burst at the seams. I closed my eyes, I could faintly taste the air in Peter's bedroom. He was here. Or, I was there. With him. With my Peter. I blinked again and a sharp stab hurt me in my chest. How many times did I have to lose.
It didn't matter that I had a Peter here in Narnia. Alive and well. It didn't matter that there were similarities in looks and sometimes even behaviour. It didn't matter there were feelings involved. I had already given my heart to someone. To Peter. To the one that wasn't here anymore, but in fact dead. And it was easy for him to say that he was in Narnia too. Because I carried him everywhere.
Maybe that's what he meant with looking for him.
I let out a sigh and turned around, walking out of the chamber with calculated steps. The pace quickening as I neared the entrance of the How. It was a nice summer day. That was obvious as the sun shone brightly. I was immediately reminded of my dream, or rather, my brief reunion with Peter. It was just as bright then as it was there. A stab of familiarity hit me and I blinked shocked. A gasp escaping my mouth.
He was here. Wasn't he?
I quickly started to run and as I got outside, the wind blowing softly, I could see Peter in the distance. Clashes of metal against metal, blade against blade, penetrated my eardrums and I eyed him for a second before quickly moving towards him again. From where I was I could see the ghost of a smile on his face as he pulled back his sword. Edmund said something and the smile disappeared and he nodded grimly. I blinked again. Oh God! There was a stab of longing as I realised that there was so much of Peter in him.
Of course, that was supposed to be this way. Cause this was Peter too.
And this massive mess had created this headache and I was so incredibly tired because of it all. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Whether that was with him or not, I wasn't sure which one I want. If I could go back without the Pevensies, without the constant feeling of loss and love, then I would gladly take that. But if I could go back with Peter. Then I would take road in a heartbeat. Rather the latter than the former.
Suddenly Edmund nodded towards me and he said something before turning away. Giving me an opportunity I was searching for. I quickly walked to him again. My eyes set on his frame as he moved to the other side and sheathed his sword. I bit my lower lip for a brief second before calling out his name.
"Peter." I had reached him now and I grabbed his hand turning him around. His golden hair clung to his forehead, which was damp with an almost invisible layer of sweat. Ignoring the curious look in his eyes I searched for something. Something that would indicate my Peter's presence. When suddenly his eyes dropped to the floor and a sharp stab to my stomach brought me to the realisation I needed so long.
He was already here.
"Pete." I choked.
"The fight's tomorrow." Peter said shortly. He pulled his hand out of mine and wiped the back of it across his forehead. "We don't have much time to spare." I nodded without realising. My eyes still stuck on his face. "So just say whatever you have to say."
"How long have we been here?" I suddenly asked. Peter looked taken aback and gave me a calculated stare, laced with confusion.
"Longer than a month or so." He said slowly and I nodded quickly.
"How long have we known each other?" Peter frowned.
"About a month, why? How long have you known me then?" The last bit wasn't mean to be taken seriously. However, it was just the part I was searching for.
"About six months." I responded back. Peter raised his eyebrows and sighed, a scoff laying on his lips.
"Right, I forgot." He muttered lowly and I grabbed hold of his tunic. The fabric clenched between my fingers as I pulled his closer.
"Is there something you'd like to say to me?" I asked him carefully. Wondering what would come out of his mouth. I knew what I was searching for. Did he?
Peter frowned again. Lines marring his forehead as he shook his head slowly. "Ana, I don't even know how to answer that question." He responded honestly. "What do you want me to say?" He asked carefully and I shrugged.
"What crosses your mind first?" I told him and I eyed his chin before turning my eyes back to his. "Cause we can do this so much differently."
"How?" He demanded and I dropped my eyes to the ground again.
How were we able to change whatever had happened. I couldn't forget it. Nor could he forget what I had told him. We were two strangers stuck in a world with our own experiences telling the opposite. That wasn't natural. We needed something new, a clean slate to change things so we would be able to do it in our own way.
"Ana!" Peter interrupted. "There will always be a part of me in him. Look for it. Be patient. And don't give up."
"But I just want you back. I don't want to look for you. I just want this." I could feel the tears set in. I bit my lip to keep them at bay but it seemed they had a will of their own. "I just want you like this. Alive." Peter let out a small sigh and reached out to me. Pressing his lips against mine gently.
"But you have me already. Just not in the form and shape you want." He clarified. "Not yet."
Those words echoed in my head. That's what he had said. Peter. I turned my eyes to his again, searching for that thing he had told me to find.
And that's when it hit me.
A clean slate.
A new beginning.
I moved away from him, my hand not holding onto his tunic anymore.
"By starting over." I told him simply, befuddled myself. I held out my hand to his cautiously. "I'm Ana."
Peter rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I know who you are Ana."
"Do you?" I fired back sharply. "Because I have a feeling, we don't know anything. Or at least, not now. Or not yet." I whispered the last bit and didn't even bother whether he had heard me in the first place. "I think we should start over." I told him. "We might surprise ourselves." Peter turned his back on me and ran his hand through his hair. When he turned around there was an air of frustration all around him.
"I don't know what you're looking for but I can tell you now that it's not here." He told me harshly. "Starting over is not going to resolve anything." He finished and I let out a weak smile, my hand dropping to my side.
"I know. But I'm willing to try." I began. "And I don't know why but I have a feeling that we should at least try." I continued. "What do we have to lose?" I asked him softly. Peter's eyes met mine.
"I can't give you what you're looking for." He told me softly and I was touched by the honesty.
So he was here after all.
"You just did." I whispered back and I raised my hand again and waited for his. "I'm Ana." I said softly and I eyed Peter's reaction.
Reluctance was all over him but a shimmer of determination was there as well and he raised his hand grasping mine tightly. And I guess I found that little piece of Peter in him after all. I swallowed away the tight lump in my throat, relief washing over me like a wave of water.
"My name is Peter." I smiled at his gruff tone and he gave me an amused smile back.
"I know." And I took a step towards him reaching to my toes, surprising him with the sudden change of distance. My hand was still in his and I tightened the grip before gently closing the gap between our lips.
And this time, there was going to be more to it than before.
Disclaimer: Nothing was mine except the plot and the characters you don't recognise.
A/N: And it's over :O This was the scene I had pictured from the start. Although I have changed it a bit to fit the story. But I'm finally done. I'm relieved and sad at the same time. Especially because I never thought it was going to end. But it took me 1 1/2 years to finish this and it is over :O I want to thank every single one of you for being so loyal, patient and supportive throughout this whole fic! I guess you're the real troopers after all! I hope you guys liked the ending, or at least are able to come to terms with it. You can intepretate the happy ending for yourselves, or if picture it to be a not so happy ending, whatever strikes your fancy, because this story is OVER! No sequel is planned and nor do I intend to write more about them. I think this is their ending :) So thank you again for being plain brilliant! You guys are amazing!
For the last time. Song used Draw Your Swords by Angus and Julia Stone
Let me know your thoughts ;) I love them!
ANNOUNCEMENT: NEW NARNIA FIC! "KING OF ANYTHING" IS UP :) I would love for you guys to check it out!