Warning: (Graphic) Spanking in this chapter. If that upsets you, do not read this chapter, skip it or the story altogether! Otherwise, enjoy.

Sirius flinched, his brother' words practically forcing him to step back in shock. He couldn't keep the hurt from showing on his face. For a few long-reigning moments, pointed silence ruled in the small bedroom, the only sound consisting of raindrops that angrily hammered in thousands against the window.

Sirius opened his mouth, trying to say something but the words got stuck in his throat. So he simply stared at his brother who sat on the bed, breathing heavily with his hands clenched into tight fists.

"So that's why you're pushing me away," Sirius mumbled eventually, more to himself than to his brother. "I thought you wanted this family too, Reg. I thought you loved me too." The last bit he forced out of his throat, his voice raw. "But if you don't, say it now. I deserve that much honesty at least."

"I do… love you." Regulus didn't look at his brother as he spoke. "But sometimes, I don't like you. You're never on my side, you're always taking James' side. You don't need me. You've got many other brothers now, James, Remus, Peter, whoever. You've been everyone's brother the last years, just not mine. You only put up with me because you have to."

Sirius felt a tinge of hope at the words I love you, but only for a few seconds. "Do you even hear what you're saying?" he ground out.

"Do you? No, don't answer, I bet you haven't even listened. Why do you make such a fuss anyways, it's not like you need me as a brother on top of all those perfect Gryffindors."

Slowly, Sirius managed to get a look behind all the hurting words and Regulus' dismissive attitude. "So you're being jealous?"

"No!" Regulus straightened up, indignant that Sirius would even think such a thing. He wasn't jealous of James!

"You are," Sirius concluded nonetheless. "All this, just because you're jealous of James? Really?"

"I'm not being jealous! I'm not!" But the intensity of Regulus' protest spoke volumes.

"Uh-huh. I thought we agreed on being honest."

"You don't get it! I knew you wouldn't, I knew you couldn't understand, that's why I never told you!"

"Oh, I get it alright. You're being a brat who thinks the world revolves around you and when people don't act the way you want them to, you immediately take it personally and blame everything on them."

"I'M NOT!" Regulus was yelling for real now.

"Yeah you are. It's always been this way with you, hasn't it? I've always been the one who had to run after you, who had to clean up your mess. Always! And what do I get for it? Accusations. Attitude. You're being an ungrateful snot, and that's it," Sirius hissed, his pulse quickening as anger and hurt intermingled and created a dangerous rage brewing in his stomach.

"I NEVER ASKED YOU TO!" Regulus jumped up and stood, straightening up to his full height, wanting to be on eye level with Sirius though he had to tilt his head back to look into his brother's eyes.

"Yes, you did! Remember that time you smashed Mother's vase and let me take the blame for you? Or remember that time you ran away when we were at that playground and I promised not to tell Mother and Father? I've always been covering for you. I've always loved you, cared for you, been the only one who cared about you, and you took it for granted. I've always been there for you. Always!" Sirius spat out the hurting truth. It felt like knives in his mouth and he was relieved that it was out. A small part of his mind knew that, later, he would probably regret saying all this, but right now, he only felt rage and relief.

Regulus stared at him, bitter tears rising in his eyes. "You haven't! You've left. Me. Alone! How's that being there for me?"

"AND I SAID I'M SORRY!" Sirius yelled into his face, losing every last bit of restraint, throwing his arms up in the air. "What else am I supposed to do? I CAN'T TURN BACK TIME! I CAN'T! But I'm trying to make up for it, don't you see? Does nothing I do count in your eyes?"

Regulus averted his eyes. Sirius would never understand him. And even though he loved his brother, he felt such an amount of dislike for him at the same time that it was like he was getting torn apart on the inside.

Regulus' unresponsiveness angered Sirius even more. In his eyes, it looked like outright disrespect. "You always expect me to be perfect. You never forget any mistakes, you use every chance you get to rub them into my face. Just because I'm the oldest. But you know what, Regulus? You haven't been there for me either. You've left me too." Sirius reached out, taking hold of his brother's shoulders who instantly tried to wind himself out of Sirius' grip. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Reluctantly, Regulus lifted his gaze and met his brother's eyes.

Long thought forgotten feelings of hurt and betrayal broke free inside of Sirius that very moment. "You've always sided with them. You've left me all alone too. You've never really been there for me." Sirius' voice was like iron, sending shivers down his own spine. "You've chosen them over me even though I was the one who cared for you, dried your tears, hugged you, loved you. You've always loved them more even though they didn't do anything to deserve it." The words spilled out of Sirius, feelings he'd held back, had buried in the depths of his mind and had almost forgotten about, they came to the surface, and for once, Sirius wouldn't hold back for his little brother's sake. "Who made sure you got fed? Who helped you change into your pyjamas, brush your teeth, cared for you when you've been sick? Who sneaked into your room and read you a story every night even though it wasn't allowed and when someone saw me I caught hell for it? Who took the blame for everything you did because I couldn't bear the thought of them hurting you?"

Regulus stared at his brother, his grey eyes glistening with unshed tears of shock. Sirius had never spoken to him like this before. He felt Sirius' fingers bearing into his shoulders, hard, but didn't find it in himself to struggle anymore. Instead, he simply stood, stone-still, Sirius' words replaying in his head over and over. Sirius obviously waited for an answer so he finally breathed "You, it was you."

Sirius nodded. "I didn't have to do it. It wasn't my responsibility. You weren't my responsibility." Sirius got a little choked up. "But I wanted to. Because I loved you. Because you were precious to me." The grip on Regulus' shoulders intensified as Sirius tried to push the lemon size lump at the base of his throat down with a deep breath. "I loved you from the moment I first saw you, Reg."

Sirius sounded so vulnerable. And Regulus knew, he knew, that Sirius spoke from his heart right now, the deepest, most vulnerable part of his heart. I loved you. Sirius had always been there, from his first memories on, like the sun, a warmth in that cold family, a beloved face that accompanied Regulus through most of his childhood memories.

"Before you were born, I was all alone. I only remember always wishing for things I couldn't name, a genuine smile, a hug, things I never knew but I missed them regardless. But after you were there, I wasn't alone anymore. And even though you were still a small baby, not doing much besides crying and sleeping, the way you looked at me, the trust and the love in your eyes, it was enough for me to know that I would do anything to make you happy as long as you would only love me." Sirius was almost crying now. "As long as you'd be there and love me back, everything would be bearable."

Regulus leaned forwards, against his brother's chest. "But you left me. You left me and then I was all alone," he whispered in a strangled voice of emotion, laying his heart out as well. "I don't even know what I did wrong! What did I do wrong, Sirius? Why have you left me?"

Sirius folded his arms around his brother's shoulders, one hand on the back of Regulus' neck, keeping him close. The words he'd just said now came crushing down on him. Merlin, he shouldn't have said what he'd said a minute earlier. Regulus was not to blame. He'd only been a small child. "You haven't done anything wrong, Reggie. It wasn't your fault." He hid his face in his brother's hair. It was so difficult to explain, he didn't even fully understand it himself and he was not sure how he was supposed to make Reg understand. "It was simply too much. And with being at Hogwarts, suddenly seeing that there was such an easy way out of this horror house… I couldn't help but run, Reg. I needed to. Had I stayed, I would've ended up broken, destroyed. And I didn't realize that you… that you were simply scared. And confused. And a child, too. I never realized that you never stood up against them because you didn't know how. I had to my entire life, always created a barrier between them and you and when I returned from Hogwarts, I had forgotten that you were still so fragile when I left you. I only saw my brother who had transformed into the perfect child they always wanted. And I felt like you had betrayed me, had turned your back on me. It was like you were getting along with them, the way they praised you, the way you wanted to make them proud... made me feel like a stranger. Made you seem like a stranger. I thought it was only me who didn't fit into your family so I chose to leave, having no reason to stay anymore after you seemed to belong to them now..."

Regulus listened with his eyes closed, his face hidden against Sirius' shoulder. An answer, finally. Was it a satisfying one? He wasn't sure yet. Made it things better? Not really.

"I don't want it to sound like a justification, Reg. There is no justification for what I did. I threw away the person I loved and cared for my entire life and the only thing I can do now is hope that one day, you can forgive me. I can't ask for it but I can at least hope for it."

Regulus still wouldn't say anything. Forgiving Sirius? At first, that sounded strange. And not possible. There was still such an enormous amount of pain. Shouldn't the pain go first and then, later, forgiveness could be given? Because… forgiving, it also sounded scary. Like he'd draw a line. Like he wouldn't be allowed to hurt anymore afterwards. It sounded like stupidly trusting someone, like something a Hufflepuff would do. Forgiving appeared to be a lot like surrendering, like giving up the only argument he had that he could hold against his brother and with which he could sustain a certain amount of control in their relationship. Sirius was supposed to atone for what he had done. He'd said so himself, he'd said he tried to make up for leaving him, that's why he had taken guardianship of him. And that thought made forgiveness sound even scarier. Would Sirius leave him again if Regulus forgave him? Because wouldn't forgiveness mean that Regulus set a point in time after which Sirius was free of the need to make up and in conclusion also free of Regulus?

It would mean that Sirius could leave him again. Because didn't forgiveness mean that Regulus granted absolution, what meant that Sirius was free to do what he wanted. And Sirius wouldn't want to be burdened with Regulus.

Regulus sneaked his arms around Sirius' waist, holding onto his brother a bit tighter. He would forgive Sirius, later, he thought. When he didn't need him as much anymore. When he could bear to be left again. When he was older, an adult, could live on his own. When he wouldn't need his big brother to care for him. When he felt like he could let go of him. Felt like forgiving him. Because what would he get in exchange for forgiving Sirius? Right, nothing. It would be a completely stupid thing to do.

"I can't forget it," Regulus whispered instead.

"I know," Sirius whispered back. "I know…" Caressing Regulus' hair. Holding him, standing there, simply holding him. "But you need to trust me, at least a certain amount. You can't put your life at risk for reasons that are…" he shook his head, not finishing the sentence. The reason Regulus had given could barely be called a reason. "I can't allow that. I simply can't."

Regulus stood motionless, listening to his brother. Back to talking what had happened at the Whomping Willow, weren't they? He didn't want to talk. He only wanted to continue hugging his brother. And never let go. How could he ever have thought that staying away from Sirius would be easier?

"I could've lost you, Reg. You could've been killed. Or Remus could've bitten you. Let alone me or James, but on the foremost, you. Do you have any idea what that would've done to me? Do you?"

"You should've told me," Regulus mumbled. "About you being an animagus at least."

Sirius pulled away, keeping his brother's at an arm's length, holding his upper arms to keep him in place. "That's beside the point. The point is that you put your life in danger, Regulus. Damn it, there's nothing in this world that's worth to die for if you don't even know what it is! And simply to get back at me for not telling you everything, Regulus, I can't even…" Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, feeling that feeling again, losing ground, the image of his brother in Remus' claws on his mind, he needed to recollect himself before continuing.

"I still think you should've told me." Regulus' voice adopted that tone again, that defensive, snot-nosed tone.

"Maybe I should've told you, but it's really none of your business."

Regulus looked at him incredulously. "Of course it's my business! Don't you see how stupid I felt, all your friends knew about this, are part of this, even Severus knew, only I didn't and I'm your brother!"

"No, it's none of your business. That Snape knows was a mistake, nothing else. I'm not discussing this now, Regulus. We're discussing YOU going to the Whomping Willow, putting your life and everyone else's at risk, for no reason at all. You could've simply asked me –"

"As if! You would've lied to me anyways."

"I don't lie to you, Regulus. I might've told you that it's none of your business but I wouldn't have lied."

"Yeah, great. That's so much better."

"So you don't think it was wrong to do down there? Didn't you say that it had been stupid, earlier?"

"Yeah. But it was the only way to find out about you."

Sirius shook his head at his brother's stubbornness. "You don't want to understand, do you?"

"I'm understanding everything just fine. You're the one who has to talk things over and over and won't stop until everything's in a muddle."

"I'm trying to get you to understand!"

Regulus rolled his eyes and when he spoke, his voice dripped with attitude. "I dooo, duh!"

"Okay, enough." Sirius' patience gave out. He took Regulus by his wrist, quickly walked them over to the bed and sat down, pulling his surprised brother to stand between his knees. "You don't want to get it into your head. So we're doing this another way. You knew you'd get spanked for what you've done, so we're dealing with that first. Pull your trousers down."

"What?!" Regulus quickly yanked his hand away from Sirius, taking a step back. But Sirius was fast, having anticipated Regulus' actions. So the older boy lunged forwards and grabbed both of his brother's wrists, tugging him back towards himself.

"I said," Sirius took a deep breath, "trousers. down." Sirius knew that he would have to make this spanking memorable. This was way worse than everything Regulus had ever done in his care and his brother would feel the difference. Sirius would make certain that he would have to have this conversation only once with Regulus.

"NO! Are you nuts? I'm not some little child! And anyway, we haven't finished talking!" Regulus' voice gained a higher pitch as he tugged at his hands again but wouldn't get them free this time.

Sirius shook his head. "We're going to finish talking later. I feel like you need this first to understand that I absolutely mean it. I haven't come here to discuss with you whether it was wrong what you did. It was wrong, stop, full stop, finish! There's nothing left to discuss in that matter."

"B-but I understand! I do! I – I just mean, Sirius, come on, it's not like I'll do it again, so –"

"I believe that you wouldn't do the exact same thing again. But this is about risking your life in general. This is about you learning that I won't stand by and watch you getting yourself killed. There are limits on what you're allowed to do for a reason and you overstepped them by far. So you're going to have to accept the consequences. Words are worthless, Reg. I've had to learn that myself. My word that I mean what I say is obviously not enough, actions speak louder."

Regulus felt his tears beginning to form in his eyes and they hadn't even begun. How pathetic. "B-but Sirius… please? Not like this," he begged, trying for the sad puppy expression that had always worked so well when they had been children.

Sirius' expression didn't waver, instead, it only became more determined. "Exactly like this, Regulus. Now, you can pull them down yourself or I'm going to do it for you. But they're coming down for this."

Regulus tugged at his hands again. "Please! I promise I won't do it again, I promise I'll never endanger myself again, really!"

Sirius only looked at him. Then reached out and started unbuttoning Regulus' trousers.

"Nooo! Come on, Sirius!" Regulus took hold of Sirius' hands and tried to keep them away. "I'm not a child!"

"Then do it yourself." Sirius' voice, like stone.

Regulus swallowed hard. There was no sign that Sirius would relent. The only possible way for him to maintain a pretence of dignity was to pull his trousers down himself, so Regulus nodded and tried to work his trousers down, his hands starting to tremble. This was really going to happen. Merlin, he'd never been so embarrassed in his entire life.

As soon as Regulus had unbuttoned his trousers, Sirius shifted back on the bed and motioned for his brother to get over his lap. "Same story, Reg. You can do it yourself or I'm going to pull you over, but it's going to happen."

A stray tear that had lingered on Regulus' lower eyelashes got free and dropped down his cheek. His gaze flicked over to the door for the split of a second, could he make it? But what then? "Please," he whispered, "Please don't." Regulus wasn't even sure why he was reacting like this but at the moment, the prospect of Sirius punishing him, the sight of Sirius being so disappointed and stern, it was worse than anything else. If he'd had the choice, he'd rather face the werewolf again than this version of extremely stern, parental Sirius.

Sirius had trouble keeping up the stern exterior. Everything inside of him begged to only allow himself to take Regulus into his arms and forget about the punishment. He couldn't help himself, his little brother's tears got to him. "Look at me," he said, his voice softening a bit. "You knew this would happen. And you know you deserve it. This is no fun for me, believe me. But I cannot allow you to act like you did. I'll do anything, Reg, to keep you safe, even from yourself."

"B-but… please," Regulus begged again, his world a blur of tears by now as he looked down at the bleared shape of his big brother. He felt like a toddler, standing here like this, trying to avoid the inevitable.

He saw Sirius shaking his head. "Come, I'll help you," he said, gently but firmly guiding Regulus, who felt completely unable to move, over his knees. "There you go."

Instinctively, Regulus put up a struggle, bucking, trying to get up again, but Sirius held him down firmly.

Then Regulus felt Sirius hook his fingers into the waistband of his trousers and the next thing he knew was that his trousers were pooling around his knees, a warm hand steadying his lower back, another one gently patting his shoulder. Merlin, he wouldn't be able to survive this. He surely would die from embarrassment. Regulus hid his face in the pillow whilst wishing the ground would open and swallow him up.

"We're getting through this together, Reg," Sirius said softly, not finding it in him to be stern anymore. This was going to be bad enough anyways. "I'm here, with you. This is going to be a lot worse than the other spanking you had, but I promise I won't harm you, I never would. Okay? There's no need to be afraid." There was nothing Sirius feared more at this moment than that his brother would be afraid of him. Yes, this was a punishment, but he'd never really hurt Reg. He wouldn't lose his temper, he'd only use his hand, he'd be careful. He'd make it as bearable as possible.

Regulus felt Sirius shifting again, positioning his body, and then Sirius nudged him with a pillow. "Hold onto this," the older boy advised him gently. Regulus grabbed the pillow and wrapped his arms around it, pressing his face into the soft cushion. He felt Sirius wrapping his left arm around his waist and winced, bracing himself.

"Ready?"

The question ignited a fire of indignation in Regulus. Was Sirius trying to be funny now? "NO! What do you think?!"

"I simply didn't want to catch you off guard… but I'm going to start now. Just wanted you to know," Sirius explained.

"Very considerate of you," Regulus hissed, the pillow swallowing half of the aggression in his voice but it still came out extremely rude. He tensed up, fearing that he had made Sirius angry now. But Sirius only gave him a last pat on the small of his back, as if to reassure him, and then Regulus felt his brother taking a deep breath.

Smack! Regulus jumped forwards, scrunching his eyes shut. Merlin, that had stung! He'd forgotten how much this hurt!

But before he could think too much about it, another spank landed on his underwear-clad bottom, and another and another. Soon, Sirius fell into an even rhythm, alternating cheeks, working from the top of Regulus' cheeks down to the crease where his bottom met his thighs.

And soon, Regulus couldn't keep silent anymore. He hadn't realized that his brother had such hard hands! At first, only a few low groans and yelps escaped him, mostly muffled by the pillow, but as the spanking went on and his bum began to sting in earnest, he couldn't keep from hissing and occasionally yelping. "OW," he yelled out at a particularly hard smack, tears of frustration streaming down his cheeks, creating wet spots on the pillow, making it uncomfortable to rest his face on it. "Ow-ow! Ah! Sirius – Stop! Owww!"

Sirius wouldn't react to the pleas that became louder and louder. He knew they still had a lot to cover and a long way to go if he really wanted his message to stick this time. So he chose to overhear the pained sounds and distressed pleas, he might've crumbled right then and there if he hadn't. Instead, he started to increase the speed, ignoring the painful stinging sensation that built on the surface of his palm as each spank he delivered increased the feeling of thousands of small needles that were jabbing into his skin.

Regulus released the pillow, frantically throwing his hands back to cover his backside while trying to roll off Sirius' lap. "It's enough, Sirius, I – Owww! I get it, please, you can stop!" They had surpassed the twenty smacks mark by now and Regulus wondered if Sirius had gone crazy because his brother obviously didn't notice that he couldn't take it anymore!

Sirius caught Regulus' hands, held them together at the wrists while landing a faster flurry of spanks to the undercurve of Regulus' bottom where the skin was most sensitive, then he threw his right leg over his brother's flailing ones, effectively pinning Regulus down. In that moment, he was thankful that he was still a considerable amount taller and stronger than Reg for it made it easier to hold him down, however cruel that sounded.

Regulus started to cry in earnest, pitiful now, high-pitched weeping-sounds coming from his throat, intermingling with hitched breathing and Regulus tried to voice yet another plea that Sirius knew he'd have to ignore. "P-please stop, Sirius, pleeease! It h-hurts!"

"I know it does but it's supposed to," Sirius responded in a low voice. He could feel how much it hurt, his own hand was on fire and he had to force himself to lay down each smack for it hurt him just as much, not to mention having to cause his little brother pain. This was Reg, his little brother, the child he'd sworn he'd protect, the one person he loved more than anyone else. And he was hurting him. Sirius forced himself to recall the memory of finding Regulus in the tunnel, of how scared he'd been, how close he'd come to losing his little brother. And it made him hit harder, caused him to move on to the still untouched area of Regulus' upper thighs, colouring the white skin until it had changed to a rosy red. Regulus was bawling into his pillow, his legs were twitching helplessly but otherwise, the boy had ceased every attempt to get away and had miserably succumbed to his fate.

Sirius wasn't quite sure yet if he should pull the underwear down as well for the last part of the punishment, he felt like it was deserved when one was considering his brother's misconducts, but then again Regulus wasn't a small child anymore and Sirius really didn't want to take away that last layer that preserved Regulus' dignity, and when looking at the crying boy, he knew he didn't have the heart for it. It wasn't like it provided any protection anyway. "Tell me why you are getting this spanking," Sirius said, trying to hide the exhaustion and pain in his voice but failing miserably. All he wanted to do was to break down and cry as well but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't be weak in front of his little brother, not now. So he straightened up, summoning up all his strength for this last part. "Answer me, little brother. I need you to answer me," he said in a softer voice, resting his right hand on the small of Regulus' back, allowing him to calm down a bit before speaking.

Regulus tried to swallow his sobs down but failed. "I-I c-can't!" he wailed. He couldn't speak now, not in the state he was in, all he wanted was for Sirius to stop! His bum was hurting awfully, stinging and pulsating with pain even though Sirius wasn't even spanking him right now.

"Take your time," Sirius mumbled, patting his little brother's back gently. He felt like a monster, having reduced his brother to the pitifully sobbing wreck he was right now. But if it kept Reg alive, he knew it would be worth it.

Regulus needed a few more attempts before he could speak. "I'm s-sorry," he cried. "I'm s-so sorry for going to the Whomping W-willow! I'll n-never do it a-gain, I s-swear!"

"I'm glad to hear that. And for what else are you being spanked?"

Regulus tensed up, not having expected his response to be wrong. "I'm s-sorry! I don't know!"

"Think about the way you treated me the last weeks."

A bulb lightened up inside of Regulus' head. "I-ignoring y-you! I was m-mean and ins-solent and ignored y-you!"

"Mh-hmm. That's the reason all of this happened in the first place, Reg. 'Cause you wouldn't talk to me."

"'M s-sorry!"

"I know. But I want to be sure nothing comes between us again, if you've got a problem, you'll have to tell me, talk to me, not push me away. No ignoring me, no being all cold and dismissive if there's something worrying you, you need to talk to me. Clear?"

"Yesss! P-please…" Regulus ruefully sobbed into his pillow. Please just stop!

Sirius sensed that Regulus was almost at his limit. He looked down at the quivering backside over his lap, he could feel the heat radiating from it. And he felt slightly unsure on how much longer he should continue. Mr. Potter had always exactly known when it was enough, how, well, it was most likely due to his years of practice. But Sirius didn't have that advantage.

So he grimaced in sympathy for his brother as he reached out and quickly lifted the waistband of Regulus' cyan-blue boxers a bit up to inspect the colour beneath it.

He instantly wished he hadn't looked. The skin of Regulus bottom was coloured in a dark, sore red, and Sirius' heart clenched at the sight of it. I'm so sorry. He felt the beginning of a struggle coming from his brother as Regulus realized that he was fumbling with his boxers. But before Regulus knew it, Sirius arranged the boxers back to how they had been. "W-what are y-you –" was everything Regulus got out.

"I want one thing to be very clear here, Regulus," Sirius said, hardening his voice again, knowing that he had to in order to get this over with, deliberately using his brother's full name, "if you disobey me again, if you put your life in danger again, I promise you, you can expect this to happen all over again but on your bare bottom. Am I understood?"

Regulus nodded frantically. "Y-yes!" Merlin, he was fifteen! No way in hell would he do something that urged Sirius to paddle his bare bottom! He would surely die from embarrassment then if he was lucky enough to survive this spanking!

"Then we're almost finished. Just a reminder for you that I mean what I say. Because when I say I'm going to punish you, I'm going to do it properly, when I say I'm going to keep you safe, I'm going to do that to the best of my ability, and when I tell you that I love you, I mean it with all my heart. When I make a promise, I'm going to keep it. And I never want to hear you saying that you don't think I care about you ever again. Nor do I want to hear you saying that I only want to meet you, hang out with you, care for you because I feel that I have to. It's not true and it's the most disrespectful and hurtful thing you can say to me."

With that, Sirius raised his hand once more and delivered a last set of fifteen fiery spanks to his brother's sit spots. Regulus yelped and wept through it and at the end, Sirius felt himself yearning to join in on his brother's tears but he couldn't, not yet. "It's over," he choked as he released his little brother's legs and wrists.

As soon as those words reached Regulus' ears, the boy pushed himself up, awkwardly stumbling onto the floor, his bum hurting like nothing he'd ever felt before and he just wanted to get away, away from those punishing hands, quickly scrambling out of Sirius' reach, not wanting to touch Sirius, not wanting to be near him. His face was as red as a tomato and he felt the tips of his ears burning as he got to his feet, pulling his trousers up as fast as he could, hissing as the waistband scraped across his sore bum. Tears were still relentlessly flowing out of his eyes, blurring the room, his brother, everything was a mess of tears and pain. He brushed the back of his hand across his cheeks, trying to get rid of the embarrassing signs of weakness, but the old tears were instantly replaced by new ones.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw that Sirius was getting up from the bed and he instantly stumbled a step backwards, keeping his hands ready to fly back and shield his backside if necessary.

Sirius' heart clenched at the sight of his little brother. "It's over," he repeated, keeping his distance, "over and done with."

A sob escaped Regulus' lungs. He felt as if he'd been deceived. This punishment had been way worse than he had expected, he'd expected about twenty smacks on his fully clothed bottom like the last time, what hadn't been so bad then and now seemed like love pats in comparison. There had been no warning at all that this spanking would be so much worse.

But at least it was over now. And Regulus wanted nothing more than to crawl into his bed and hide under the covers forever. The only problem was: Sirius was standing in the way and Regulus didn't want to be near him right now. Not that Sirius smacked him again when he walked past him.

Sirius seemed to be able to read his brother's thoughts. "Don't you want to lie down for a bit?" Lunch could wait. Noticing the hesitation, he took a few steps aside even though he wanted nothing more right now than to be near Reg, to comfort him, to tell him that everything was okay now.

Regulus tapped over to his bed and cautiously lowered himself onto his stomach, not looking at Sirius as he did so. But then he turned hid face, since, even though he would've rather faced the wall, he decided it would be smarter to keep an eye on Sirius, just to be safe.

Sirius stood there, in the middle of the room, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other, unsure of what to do. Regulus didn't want his comfort, that much was obvious. But he wanted to give it so badly. "D-do you want a second blanket?" It was cold in the room, Sirius noticed that just now. A sudden shiver ran down his spine. He couldn't leave Reg like this, crying, hurting, in a cold room… No.

When there was no answer, just another sob, Sirius went over to Reg's trunk and opened it, then summoned a pair of sweatpants. He should've thought of this before, should've heated the room, should've had Reg changing into his sweats previous to the spanking.

As he approached the bed to hand his brother the sweatpants, a spark of outrage could be seen in his brother's eyes. Sirius bit his lip, not sure what he'd done wrong now. "I thought you might want to get out of those jeans…" Sirius voice died away.

"G-go away. I'm not changing with y-you here," Regulus said, trying to harden his voice.

"Of course," Sirius replied but he couldn't help the faint smile that played over his face. Regulus had spent the last three minutes over his lap with his trousers around his knees and now he acted self-conscious around him. A second later, the smile froze and fell off his face like a mask. This wasn't funny! This wasn't the time to laugh at his brother. If Reg didn't want him here, he had every right to tell him so. "I'll be looking for a second blanket," Sirius mumbled quickly, leaving the room, giving his brother some privacy.

He entered the living room, snatching up that horrible copper-coloured blanket from the couch. The fire in the fireplace had warmed the living room up and Sirius stayed here for a few moments, listened to the raindrops that drummed against the windows like dozens of small fingers and then ran down the turbid glass, like the tears on his baby brother's face.

Sirius looked away, stared at Regulus' door. He felt like he had messed everything up, like he'd had a chance to make Reg understand and had wasted it. You can't expect him to be keen on being near you right now, a biting voice said inside of his head. You embarrassed him. Hurt him. Spanked him like a little child over your knees, and then you expect him to let YOU of all the people comfort him?

"What else should I have done," Sirius murmured to himself. "He didn't want to understand, he didn't listen, I can't ground him, don't want to take his broom because that would only take away his joy and that's not fair." But all the reasoning was futile for the guilt sat not inside his brain but on his chest, nagging at his heart.

Hesitantly, Sirius knocked at Regulus' bedroom door and shortly after, turned the knob and opened it. Regulus had changed into his sweatpants and was lying on his bed, on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, his head hanging deep whereas his shoulders were shaken by violent sobs which the boy tried to muffle with his hand. Sirius immediately dropped the blanket, rushed to the bed and placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Shhh… Reggie, everything's okay. There's no need to cry so hard, little brother," he whispered. Had he spanked him too hard? Because, seeing his baby brother being wrenched by such heart-breaking sobs was an absolutely horrifying sight for Sirius.

"I'm s-sorry," Regulus managed to get out in between the sobs. "I'm s-so sorry!"

"You need to calm down, you're going to make yourself sick," Sirius said in a low voice as he started to rub his brother's back. "All's forgiven. No need to feel bad anymore."

"I-I c-could've killed you…"

"What?"

"H-had Remus bitten you, it w-would've been all my fault," Regulus clarified under tears.

"Oh Reg," Sirius sighed and knelt down in front of the bed. "You've been punished for going down there and it's over now. No hard feelings." He tried for a lopsided smile. Regulus didn't smile back, instead, he buried his face in his pillow.

"Listen, I was down there at my own risk. Whatever happened to me and James, it's our responsibility too. The only reason you got spanked for going down there and not me," Sirius smirked a bit to himself, "is that you went there for no reason at all and completely unprepared. See, I wouldn't go near Remus in my human form when he's transformed. Never. And James wouldn't either, and we never have. We've only been with him as soon as we'd figured out how to become animagi. So he wouldn't be alone out there. You know, it helps him when we're with him. Somehow, it helps."

Regulus had turned his head and looked at him then, his eyes puffy yet there was a spark of interest glittering in his tears. "For h-how long h-have you been able to transform?"

Sirius' expression softened and he caressed his brother's cheek, using his thumb to wipe the tear streaks away. Maybe it was really time to tell Reg a bit more. It couldn't do any harm anymore anyway. "Since I've been about sixteen… sometime during my fifth year, I think." He thought for a moment, inwardly counting the years. Yes, it had to have been their fifth year. Because in their early sixth year, he had sent Snape into the tunnel.

Snape. So that's the reason he sent Regulus down there. He wanted to get back at me for that, Sirius thought bitterly. Poor Reg. Snivellus had used his little brother to get his late revenge. I'll get you for that, Snape. When I'm done with you you'll wish you were never born.

Sirius looked down at his little brother who returned his gaze with the sparkle still in his eyes. Sirius quickly dismissed the anger at Snape. He wanted to see Reg's eyes shining again, wanted those tears gone. "It's been a bitch to learn it, I swear. I had to hold a leaf of a mandrake in my mouth for a month." Sirius grimaced at the memory. "It was so disgusting… took me and James three tries to get used to the taste, I mean, for a day or so, they're okay, but then the leaves begin to smell and taste funny… Ew. Eventually, we figured out that lemon juice helped against the bad breath at least. Oh, and Peter's an animagus too, you know. You probably haven't seen him because he's so small, though."

"What animal is h-he?" Regulus' sobs had decreased in intensity and his breathing slowly began to go back to normal.

"He's a rat. That's why we call him wormtail, get it?" Sirius smiled a bit. "At first, I think he was a bit disappointed, but you know, being a rat can be pretty awesome too. He can sneak in everywhere, and I mean literally everywhere." Sirius laughed, remembering the many pranks they'd only been able to carry out because Peter had sussed everything out before. Not to mention the amount of knowledge they had gained about places a teenaged boy at Hogwarts usually only dreamed of.

Regulus listened, fascinated. Of course he was still a bit angry that Sirius hadn't told him about all that before but at least now he wasn't being left out anymore.

"He's pretty fast, you almost can't see him in the dark," Sirius grinned and ran with the fingertips of his right hand up Regulus' back and neck, then, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, ruffled his little brother's hair until it was all messy and the long black strands of hair stood in all directions.

The corners of Regulus' mouth quirked upwards ever so slightly.

Sirius reached out to the blanket he'd dropped earlier. "Do you want the second blanket? Or you could lie down in the living room for a bit, it's already cosily warm in there," he suggested shyly.

"Living room," Regulus responded. Sirius couldn't keep the small smile from lighting up his face. He was so relieved that Reg was not that angry with him that he would avoid him all day. But that Regulus would even join him in the living room, it was almost like a peace offering.

"Then hop to it," Sirius said. He got up. "It's freezing in here."

Regulus didn't need to be told twice. Sirius snatched up Regulus' covers and pillow as well, carrying them into the living room and there spread them out on the couch, creating a nice, warm place for his brother to rest on and sleep a bit. As Regulus lay down on his stomach, Sirius tucked the covers around him, then he sat down on the wooden floor next to the couch, crossing his legs, gazing in abstraction at the prickling fire that gently warmed the both of them.

He became once more aware of his sore hand, the earlier stinging sensation had turned into a deeper, duller ache, his hand still a bit warm to the touch and reddened but not half as much as a few minutes earlier. He used his other hand to massage it a bit, flexing his fingers now and then, lost in thought. Lost in those waves of guilt and extreme emotional exhaustion. He only wanted to hug his little brother, make everything good again between them. Because he realized that punishment alone didn't solve any of their deeper lying problems. It would, hopefully, keep Reg from endangering his life again, but that was all. He couldn't order his brother to like him or his friends. He couldn't expect Reg to love him. Or to forgive him.

Sirius tilted his head backwards and leaned it against the neck-roll pillow at the end of the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling, feeling the weight of his bones, feeling earth's gravity pushing him against the couch, having no strength left to sit up straight.

"I'm not your enemy," he said, barely audibly. "Even though to you, it might not seem like it at this moment, but I'm not your enemy." Sirius could hear the covers rustling closely behind him but he didn't turn around. He knew Reg was still awake and listening. "I'm on your side." Maybe one day, you will be on my side too.

tbc...