I feel emo right now so I decided to update, and it cheered me up some. Hurray for the power of writing.

Chapter twenty-five

The first ride offered was from an old woman. I didn't know where I was going but when she turned I told her to let me off. I was following instinct, but no matter what, even with my bad sense of direction I knew I wasn't lost.

My second ride was from around someone my own age. He was nice in the way of me being a complete stranger. Asked where I was headed, I told him I was following my gut. I didn't stay with him for long.

My third day, I think, was spent in hunger, I had only a little change in my pockets, but I continued walking. I wasn't sure on the day all I knew was it was cold. I didn't have anything but the clothes on my back, I had left my coat in my rush. It was snowing lightly when someone pulled up next to me. A woman in her mid-twenties open the door and offered a ride.

She like all the others asked where I was going. I gave the same response as I had given to the others.

A small voice piped up from the back, I hadn't noticed the little girl before, "How can you not know where you're goin'?"

I turned to look at her, she looked about eight or nine, "I just don't. I'm following a feeling I have and hoping I'm right."

My stomach had taken the brief silence to speak up. My chauffeur asked when I had last eaten. I didn't know, I had slept for what felt like so long that I had lost concepts of time.

The woman was nice enough to buy me a meal, she wouldn't take no for an answer. After I had finished eating we went our separate ways. She was going in a direction that didn't feel right. I went into the restaurant's bathroom feeling the urge to clean up a little. It was looking in the mirror that I noticed the difference in my hair.

It was longer, just past my shoulder blades. How had I not noticed? I couldn't remember getting it cut since before I had met Itachi. I didn't hate my hair being long, it was just too much to deal with. Again, how had I not noticed?

I went to the restaurants counter and asked if they had any scissors, saying I had some loose strings on my clothes. It earned me a look of disbelief but the instrument was handed over anyways.

Once in the bathroom again I took to cutting my hair. I almost felt like a child as I was doing it. I had no idea what I was doing, and like this trip I was following instinct.

I had to admit that I liked the way it looked when I was done. The back was only a few inches long in some places. In short it was, well short. I had left my bangs mostly the same except now they only came to my shoulders.

I almost laughed when I thought of what Ino would say if she saw it, but the laugh wouldn't come. I cut a few more pieces here and there before cleaning up the mess of hair. Definitely a health code violation.

It had taken almost two hours for me to finish, and when I gave the scissors back the worker looked a bit confused. I ignored him and continued on my way to wherever I was going.

'Sakura are you paying attention,' the voice was familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. I heard myself respond positively.

'Are you sure? it looked to me as if you were watching the fish,' that voice was so familiar.

Before I heard a response this time my world was jarred and I woke up.

"You can't sleep here girly, best get a move on," I nodded allusively, not paying attention. The dream kept running through my mind as I left the bus stop bench. When had I ever had fish? And who had I been talking to? Maybe I was getting sick, it didn't feel like it. So I ignored the dream and continued on.

The nights were slowly getting warmer, fewer and fewer people were offering rides. Every once in a while I'd scavenge for food. The idea was unappealing but I had to eat.

Most of the time I'd do a 'grab an sit' as my gang friends had called it. The work was simple and I didn't have to pay. All I'd do is walk into a food place and steal the left overs that would other wise be thrown away.

My final ride was from a middle aged man and his three year old nephew.

The man had started by asking what I was doing in the middle of no where. I gave my usual response.

"Running away are you?" I hadn't said that, but the man continued befor I could correct him, "It won't solve your problems, but I know what you mean. Just to get away from everything and all. Me and my nephew here are going to the ocean-"

The rest of his words were cut off when I heard ocean. I knew I was close to it, I could smell it in the air. That wonderfully salty smell that reminded me so much of my father.

"Hey are you still there? I just asked if that's where you were going."

I shocked myself by answering that I was. The dream was slowly making sense. I remember going to the ocean with my dad before he got sick. My mom almost never went, it was just me and him. We spent most of the summer there while my mom was in New York. Our tiny little Sunfish that could fit at least two full grown adults.

I remembered then, I had been learning to control it that day my father caught me looking at the fish. I had only been five. By the time I was seven I could fully control her with only a little help in strong winds.

My mother had been planning on selling the boat after my dad had died, but she never got around to it. She just had too many things to do. So now the boat just sat there. I had no doubts that my fathers friend, who worked nearby, wouldn't let any thing bad happen to it. I think it was yellow, it was always hard to tell since there was an irregular mix of colors on it.

It was almost dark when we arrived. The early spring air was cold. I had walked most of the way here, having to get out of most cars after only a few miles. So this is where instinct had lead me. I had spent s lot of time sleeping when I was supposed to be walking, by car it took almost two days to get here. I didn't know how long it had taken me.

Despite the chill I took off my shoes when I reached the sand. I saw my ride looking at me, concerned, before turning away and walking up the street his nephew in tow. The smells around me took my thoughts away to happier times.

Before dad had died, before I had run away, before Temari had been killed. Times when I was happy, truly happy, instead of the facade I put up for everyone else's sake. I just couldn't be happy now, too many bad things had happened, and the worst were my fault. I didn't deserve to be happy.

But now that I remembered the feeling I realized that I was happy, and I didn't know why. I hadn't noticed before, there had been so much going on. The breakup, Itachi, being kidnaped, my mother's wedding. But for some reason, something had happened to me inside when my mom announced we were moving. A lurching that caused me to fall so fast, and I could still feel it. Chipping away, until there was nothing left. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the move.

The tide was coming in now, and I walked towards it. The water was no doubt colder then the air around me. I felt the first wave crash over me, I immediately began shivering but didn't step back. This was why I was here.

To drown my sorrows.

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So tell me what you think, if you don't I won't update for three weeks.

Just Kidding.

Or am I.