Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go, with all that distance between us, I am afraid that this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inwardly.
— Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
Danni returned to the farm-house which was now bathed in the silver light of the moon. It was after midnight when she entered the silent, sleeping house unnoticed and slipped through the shadows into the back bedroom. She took a seat in the wing chair again, Squirrel perched on the chair's high back behind her head. She drew her knees up to her chest and looked at Daryl, so vulnerable in his sleep. She started processing the day causing everything inside to hurt. She'd forgotten the pain that inevitably came with loving someone. She almost lost him today. She'd always seen him as invincible because of his swagger, insolence and survival skills. He was tough as nails, but he was still a man and the thought of life without him seemed desolate. She had never worried about him before today. The tears had begun before she realized it. Everything crashed down on her at once. Daryl almost dying, Sophia missing, the thing with Shane, being on the run, living in the woods, pretending not to be afraid every day. She'd held everything in for so long; since that first day back on the highway. She wished she could get drunk like she used to, but knew that wouldn't work anymore. Her choking sobs woke him.
"Hey, what did I do now?" He rasped softly.
"You almost died on me you son of a bitch, that's what."
"But I didn't.
"I'm afraid of losing you." There, she'd said it.
"Come here." He motioned for her to join him on the bed. She hesitated before laying down. "You ain't gonna lose me." His husky voice had a gentle lightness she didn't often hear, surprising her. They lay side by side staring at the ceiling.
"How can you be so strong all the time? I try, I really do, I just can't be right now."
"You're strong, hell you talking about?" He was still speaking softly, no touch of gruffness.
"Yeah right, look at me, crying like a helpless little bitch. I hate to cry."
"Don't matter. Probably the strongest girl I ever met. " He tilted her chin toward his face. "I mean it."
"Thanks." She said, wiping her tears with her shirt. She composed herself. "I'm okay."
"I know."
... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .
Danni sat in a white, paint chipped rocking chair on the front porch. It was past dusk and she was keeping her date with the full moon. She cradled the baby in her arms and had a shotgun at her side. She nestled down into her leather jacket against the evening chill. She gazed at the moon thanking the Goddess for strength and safety and imploring her to offer more. When the little one started to stir and fuss she adjusted the blanket around him. With her voice low, soft and slightly husky she sang to quiet him. It was the lullaby her Nan had sung to her and Tara.
Over in Killarney
Many years ago,
Me Mither sang a song to me
In tones so sweet and low.
Just a simple little ditty,
In her good 'ould' Irish way,
And I'd give the world if she could sing
That song to me this day.
"Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, hush now, don't you cry!
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, that's an Irish lullaby."
Oft in dreams I wander
To that cot again,
I feel her arms a-huggin' me
As when she held me then.
And I hear her voice a-hummin'
To me as in days of yore,
When she used to rock me fast asleep
Outside the cabin door.
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
Hush, now don't you cry!
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
That's an Irish Lullaby.
He was sleeping again. She continued to hum softly, feeling the moonlight's embrace.
Daryl let the screen door slam as he came out to join them.
"Shhh. I just got him to sleep."
He winced.
"Sorry." He sat on the top step, his back to her. "You never sing me to sleep no more."
She kicked him gently. "You never ask anymore."
She broke their pensive silence. "Do you ever think about them?" she asked.
He shrugged. "What's the point?
"Well, if we made it, maybe Rick did too. Maybe he's okay, somewhere."
"Why are you bringing all this up again?"
"I had a dream about him the other night. Carl was in it too. The First one I've had in ages."
He turned his head. "No shit?"
Daryl had come to take stock in her dreams, after all, that had happened.
When Danni opened her eyes, she couldn't believe morning had not yet come. It felt like the longest night of her life and two dreams scared her a little. Still, the sleep and her earlier emotional release left her calm and solid again.
When Daryl felt her turn over beside him, he moved his face to kiss her neck, stopping her analysis of the dreams.
"You're in no condition right now, so just stop what you're doing." She said feeling a twinge between her legs when his tongue moved up her neck to her ear. "I'm serious."
He smiled when her pelvis slightly undulated as his tongue continued to tease her ear. "Daryl, I will kill you if you start something you can't finish."
He didn't stop.
"You can hardly move."
"But you can move just fine." He said pulling her up to straddle him.
"We shouldn't, not here." She remembered where they were. "What if someone comes in or hears us?"
"We ain't teenagers." He surprised her. Usually, he was the inhibited one.
"C'mon." He said it with such a growl, she couldn't refuse him. He pushed at her shirt, wanting it off.
'Let me then. Just lie down." She placed a hand carefully, on the bandage around his waist.
Danni moved back over his lap and leaned down, her raven hair falling over her shoulders brushing his stomach teasingly. As her head dipped down, he jerked against his pants. His breath caught when she opened them and released him. Danni tilted her head to look up his body as her tongue brushed against his base. As she started to move her tongue up his length, Daryl's eyes closed and his head tilted back. His hands gripped the sheets as his back arched slightly.
She licked along him, from base to tip. At the head, she swirled her tongue around a second before she took him completely in her mouth. His stomach hitched, hard, and he let his breath out with a groan. His shoulders and head came off the bed slightly. She closed her eyes to savor his smooth skin and hardness against her lips and tongue. When she took him in deep, he jerked inside her mouth. Her hands came to his side she dug her nails in. He grabbed her hair and guided her up then back down his length expelling harsh breaths of satisfaction. She could tell it was almost over for him when she felt his fingers dig into her scalp. She let him slip from her mouth and rose up on his body. Tonight was her turn to be in control, his turn to beg. She kneeled beside him and pulled her jeans and panties off. He gripped her hips, pulling her up and positioning her directly over him, his eyes narrow and his face flushed. Again, his upper body was up and off his bed. His stomach was tight.
"Please." He begged. "Now."
"You need to stay still; your stitches."
"Fuck that. Please.'
She nodded and sank down on him carefully, taking him in deep. He lay back on the bed, his hands loose on her hips. Her fingers came to rest on his chest and her eyes closed. Neither one moved, both needed some time to adjust to the perfect sensation.
"Okay?" She whispered after swallowing hard, hoping it wasn't too much for his injured body. "I'm going to move now." She said softly. "Let me know if I hurt you."
"Yeah, move, please." He whispered hoarsely. Danni rocked her hips so that he was against the pulsing nerves of her most sensitive spot. She whimpered at the slow movement, her fingers spreading out on his chest. "Shit." Daryl whispered as his eyes opened to small slits.
She was beautiful, above him, her lips parted, eyes closed and her dark hair framing her face and falling over her delicate shoulders. Her hips picked up their pace. He watched her draw her fingers over her taut abdomen and massage her breasts, shutting her eyes tightly and chewing her bottom lip. She looked too good above him and felt too good inside him. Daryl knew he wasn't going to last much longer. When he held her hips steady and started thrusting up, she leaned forward her palms flat against the wall over the bed bracing herself. She worried about his broken body but only until he grabbed her thighs and started pumping into her as hard and fast as he could from below. She jolted and then moaned louder than she meant to as an orgasm rushed her before she was ready. She fell on his chest, burying her face in his neck, her fingers clawing the sheets beside his head.
So much for hurting him. Danni licked the sweat off his neck and begged him to do it harder.
Heat and chills raced through him as his climax owned him. He pulled her tightly to him burying himself beneath her while his back arched. His stomach contracted as his chest heaved and he shuddered to his finish.
As the feeling finally started to die down, she lay spent on him. She closed her eyes and smiled as she moved from him and laid back down.
" You didn't...we didn't use a condom." He whispered.
" No." She answered.
" You alright?"
"I don't know." They hadn't had any condoms with them. She didn't plan on sex tonight with his injuries. It was stupid and irresponsible, especially with the dreams. It sounded like a weak excuse, but she just couldn't stop once they started.
"Should we be worried?" he asked.
"I don't think so." For some reason, she felt calm.
"Okay." He didn't say another word after that. Boys.
When she pressed against him in her usual way, he reached his arm behind her shoulders and he held her, for the first time after sex.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ...
When Carol opened the door, Danni sprung up, caught by surprise. They'd fallen asleep. She grabbed her shirt and threw it on, looking for her pants.
Carol quickly backed out, closing the door.
'I think they need a minute or two." She said to Rick and Herschel waiting to check on Daryl.
"He probably ripped out those stitches." Herschel commented annoyed.
Rick shook his head and chuckled. "Boys will be boys, I guess."
"Thank goodness I only have daughters." Herschel gave him a wry smile raising his bushy white eyebrows.
After a good five minutes to compose themselves, Carol knocked before entering.
Danni had dressed and sat in the wing chair when the three came in.
"I brought you something to eat." Carol told Daryl. She put a plate on the nightstand as he raised himself up and leaned back against the headboard.
"Here take this antibiotic once a day with food." Herschel handed him a Tupperware container of amoxicillin capsules. "How are those stitches feeling this morning."
"Fine." Daryl lied. He had overdone it last night, but it had been worth it.
"Good, then I want to ask you what happened to my horse?"
"The one that tried to kill me? If it's smart it left the country." Daryl answered.
"We call that one Nellie. As in Nervous Nellie. I could have told you that if you'd bothered to ask." Herschel scolded adjusting his suspenders.
Rick glared at Daryl, who just huffed and shrugged like a little kid, and said, "I was under the impression that it had been cleared with you."
"It wasn't."
Daryl looked more than uncomfortable as Herschel unwrapped the bandage from his head and cleaned the scabbed graze with a betadine solution.
"That other wrap needs be on at least a week. The stitches will come out in about 10 days."
Daryl just nodded. "You going out to look today?" He asked Rick.
He nodded. I've organized groups. I wanted to ask you what ground you covered yesterday and if you don't mind telling me, what the hell happened to you?"
Danni decided to let them talk alone. She put Squirrel on the bed beside Daryl saying, "Keep him company okay?' The cat's motor started its rhythmic purrs and he rubbed his cheek against Daryl's hand.
She caught Daryl rolling his eyes as she and Carol left the room.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooo
"Here you go." Carol said handing Danni, a folded pile of her clean laundry she left on the line the previous day.
"You didn't have to." Danni said but felt something warm stir inside at the care and thoughtfulness Carol had shown her.
They walked to the RV where Carol was staying. The interior was immaculate. Dishes washed, pillows fluffed not a piece of trash or clutter anywhere.
"Thought I was in the wrong place for a minute. It looks beautiful." Danni sat across from her at the small table in the rear of the camper.
"I cleaned up. I want it to be nice for her when she gets back." Carol's voice cracked when she said it. Danni hated seeing tears welling in Carol's eyes. She wanted to tell her about the spell, but instead said, "Daryl will find her. As soon as he's on his feet. You can depend on him."
She felt a chill when Carol said, "I know. He's done more for my little girl in one day than her daddy ever did in his whole life."
She nodded.
"Have you eaten anything?" Carol asked her eyes softly questioned.
Danni felt a mixture of longing and fear ricochet around her chest. A mother's love had been something she'd denied she wanted or needed her whole life.
When she shook her head, Carol went to the kitchenette and brought her back a peach and a piece of bread spread with peanut butter."
"You are losing weight honey. I can see it."
You always make me want to cry. "I'm okay."
Danni took a couple of bites of the bread then asked, "Did you know you were going to be a good mom? I mean before you had Sophia?"
"I know I wanted to be."
"Were you scared?"
"Sometimes, of course." Carol smiled. "Why are you asking me these things?"
"I had a horrible mother." She shook her head. "I didn't have anyone to teach me how to do it, you know?"
"Being a good mom is something you learn by practicing. No one can teach you. Honestly, it's a lot of trial and error. Danni why are you asking me? "
The girl's eyes were huge, speaking as loud as her voice. "I've had dreams. That's all. Weird dreams."
"Dreams. Are you sure?" It wasn't really an explanation.
"Yeah, of course."
"You can talk to me about anything. If you need to."
Danni feared she'd said too much. "No, there's nothing."
Carol nodded.
"Oh wait there is one thing. Can you teach me how to cook a few things? I'm going to have to make food for Daryl. He usually does all that. "
"Yesterday we tackled the laundry. Today I'll make a cook out of you."
"Got a challenge ahead us." Danni smiled.
.. ... ... . ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .
"Hey, are you supposed to be up." Danni asked as she entered the back bedroom later that afternoon. Daryl was tying his boot laces, Squirrel pulling them undone after he'd finished. "Cat." He muttered. He had on dark gray cargo pants and a plaid sleeveless flannel that she had washed yesterday. Carol must have left it for him.
"I'm fine."
"What did Herschel say?"
He didn't answer.
"You didn't ask him did you?"
"I'm fine and I need to get out of here."
She knew it was no use to argue. As they walked through the house, the beautiful antique craftsman style furniture and architectural detail of the archways and molding struck her. She'd never been in a house like this before. She'd seen the southern country-style decor in old movies. She was reminded of the houses in "To Kill a Mockingbird." One of her favorites.
"This house is amazing." She commented.
"I guess." He said.
"Where are you going?" Herschel and Rick stopped Daryl, leaning on Danni as they cleared the last step of the front porch. He winced.
"You're in no shape to leave yet. You have to rest and that bandage needs a change once a day for the next week." Herschel said. "Ideally you'd be here, for me to tend to it, but if not you've got to come back here for it every day."
"No need, Danni will do it.'
I will? She looked at him, eyebrow raised.
"Do you know how? Keeping it sterile is important."
"I never..." she began but when Daryl painfully squeezed and pinched her wrist she went on "have any problem with bandage changing, I love it. I do it all the time." She enthused.
Rick and Herschel, looked skeptical. Daryl kicked her, pretending to be unsteady on his feet.
"When it needs to be done, I mean. When somebody's injured, I have the best time changing all the bandages."
After a confused moment of silence at her ridiculous statement. She said. "Give me the supplies and we'll get out of your way."
Daryl and Danni sat on the steps waiting for Herschel to prepare the bandage materials.
She picked up the kitten and settled him on her lap. "What was that? I have no idea how to change bandages."
"I'm not coming down here every day." He answered and turning to her added, "You'll figure it out."
"Or maybe you'll just end up doing it yourself, you jerk."
He gave her the smallest of smiles. She was sure she was the only one who could even see it.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 000000000
After three days of inactivity, Daryl announced he was going out to look for Sophia. He was lying back on his sleeping bag head propped up by two pillows poking arrows through the plastic wall of the tent.
"Are you ready for that?" Danni looked up from her journal, where she was recording the past two dreams. She extended her legs and massaged her calves over the black stretch denim jeans that hugged them. They were cramping from sitting cross-legged too long. She was wearing a t-shirt he hadn't seen before. It was another short tight kid's little league top. This one was dark blue withWildcats written across the front and number three on the back. Of course, she's cut the collar off in the style of all the others. She cut her collars off the way he cut his sleeves off.
"Hell yes. I am not spending one more minute up here playing with that damn cat."
Squirrel was pouncing on Daryl's feet and biting his toes through his socks. " And I need to get us some meat. Can't eat one more bowl of oatmeal. Are you trying to kill me?"
"It's all I can make."
"Not trying to starve me on purpose?"
"You're the one that won't go down to the main camp. Carol's a really good cook. It's your own fault. She brightened and added. "You have clean clothes though. I did laundry the other day."
"You want a medal or something?"
"Yeah actually, I do." She hit him over his bandage."
"Hey, watch that."
They both hid smiles.
"I'll go with you. On foot okay?"
"Fine." He wanted her with him this time. "Keep up. I'm not slowing down for you."
"Yeah, yeah I know."
... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .
Daryl told Danni that before Herschel's horse bucked him he had seen an abandoned house he wanted to check out. It was close to the creek bed where he'd found Sophia's doll. She could be holed up there, too afraid to come out. The early morning sun was fading in and out behind gathering clouds, the humid air thick with moisture as they emerged from the trees and trudged through the tall grass and weeds toward the gray clapboard house. Daryl grabbed an arrow and loaded the crossbow as they got closer to the neglected structure. Gauze curtains fluttered in the broken windows, the screen door was hanging on one hinge.
Daryl kicked open the front door loudly. Danni followed behind as he cautiously cleared each downstairs room crossbow aimed and ready.
The wooden floor creaked under their feet and weak sunlight filtered through the dusty windows. Most of the furniture was broken and overturned. Flies buzzed around a garbage can. Daryl heard a noise from a kitchen cupboard and approached slowly, aiming as he flung open the door. Danni saw a blanket and pillow on the closet's floor. She pushed past him and crouched to get a better look. There was an imprint on the pillow.
"She could have been here." She turned to him. He nodded, feeling hopeful.
"I'll go upstairs, you check closets down here." He told her.
After a fruitless search of all the closets and cabinets, she headed upstairs. When he heard, the steps creaking he called out.
"Danni don't come up here! Stay where you are!"
Why, I'm almost..."
"I mean it, stay there!"
His voice sounded strange.
He felt her behind him
"Damnit! I told you! He tried to back her body out the door again, but she pushed around him.
"Aw, no...no."
A dead mother cat and a litter of 6 kittens lay in the early stages of decay.
She realized he was trying to spare her from the heartbreaking scene probably because of Squirrel. "Are you going soft on me now?"
It was a horribly sad sight, but her relief that it wasn't a Walker version of Sophia tempered her emotion.
He huffed. "Nah, just didn't want you seeing this and crying all the rest of the damn day driving me crazy."
She touched his shoulder, letting her hand linger. "Thanks."
"She ain't here." He said.
"Can you just check the closets up here, one more time?"
He shrugged and nodded.
"I'll be on the porch. I really need some air." She turned and headed down.
He thought of telling her to wait for him, but there'd been no sign of Walkers since they'd shown up at the old house.
"Be a minute." He said.
Danni realized how sweet Daryl's gesture had been; it was unlike him to try to protect her from ugly, frightening things. He was tough; he expected her to be tough, and she could take it. She stepped out on the porch and looked at the clouds gathering. It had threatened rain all morning. Maybe a thunderstorm would break the heat.
Suddenly she felt a hand on her mouth and an arm around her waist yanked her roughly back on her feet. She tried to elbow her unseen attacker in the gut, but he pivoted back, knowing her moves. He pulled the knife from her belt holster and readjusted his grip around her middle pinning her arms against her sides. Before he immobilized her right arm, she pulled her bandana from her pocket and dropped it on the dirt in front of the bottom porch step. She tried desperately to bite the hand covering her mouth, but it was too large and pressed too hard against her lips. He dragged her behind the house into the woods.
Satisfied but disappointed that Sophia had probably never been in the run down house, Daryl reached the front porch, surprised Danni wasn't waiting for him. He turned and headed back inside to find her, when something red flashed him from the front path. It was her bandana.
He bent down to pick it up, and saw the footprints in the loose dry dirt. Her boot prints left the ground, then the heels made drag marks, surrounded by larger footprints-athletic shoes? The pressure of the tread was human, not Walker. A knot of dread took over his stomach at the realization. Walkers were one thing, but people worried him more, always had. Panic started to rise in his chest, but he beat it down by studying the tracks on the ground before him. Whoever took her didn't have any kind of head start.
.. ... ... ... .. .. .. ... ... .. .. .. .. .
She still hadn't seen her captor's face when he shoved her toward a dented, beat up, black car.
"Look what I found." He said to a second man who stood up from the driver's seat. He was an overweight white guy whose nylon track jacket, gold chains, and accent signified New Jersey or New York City. She'd toured the entire country and knew regional styles. This guy looked like a Jersey boy. He'd be a perfect extra on The Sopranos.
She couldn't get a look at the one holding her.
"Is she one of them? She don't look like it." The large guy asked.
"She was with that Rambo guy just now, so yeah, she's one of them. Think I'm stupid or something?"
Danni studied the accents; Jersey or maybe Philly?"
"Thought you said they were a bunch of hicks She don't look like no hick to me."
"She's one all right, and she'll lead us back to wherever they're set up. Good timing too, we're out of food. From seeing them around in the woods they don't look like they've missed too many meals."
"What if she won't coöperate?"
"She'll be a bargaining tool then. Jeez, Dave, for somebody with two years of college you are really stupid. No common sense. Now come on, let's get out of here before that freaky Robin Hood guy shows up."
The entire time the two men argued Danni twisted frantically trying to free her arms or at least kick the guy holding her.
"Watch it honey. I know where you're trying to aim that knee, it's not happening."
The driver tossed a couple of bungee cords to Danni's captor. He pushed her against the car immobilizing her as he tied her wrists together behind her back
When his hand was off of her mouth, she screamed "Daryl!" Knowing he was nearby.
"Dumb bitch." was the last thing she heard before feeling a sharp pain at the back of her head.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .
Daryl had followed the tracks through woods, able to tell she'd been dragged then carried. Before he knew it, he'd reached the edge of the trees and found himself on the road. She'd been taken in a car. He saw the scuffle in the dirt and fresh tire tracks.
It was Merle all over again. He stalked the edge of the pavement, every muscle tense, anger overpowering him, his breathing harsh and uneven. He hadn't been able to find Merle. Now he'd lost Danni too. Helplessness paralyzed him when he realized her track ended. When tears fought to escape his squinting eyes, he let them fall. There was no one to hide it from. Daryl fell on his knees and hit the ground letting himself cry. He cried for Danni and he wept for Merle. His face contorted and the sobs came from deep in his chest. He'd told her she wouldn't lose him. He'd never considered the possibility that he'd lose her. Thunder began to roll in across the sky, drowning out his low, pained almost animal cries. The downpour hit, rain mixing with his tears.