Hello there!

Just wanted to say sorry for falling behind on posting. See, I had a plan. I was going to get you guys all caught up once I started my winter break and then my computer decided to flip out on me, so now my hard-drive that has my story on it is in the computer hospital and I have to go back and copy my material from the other site that this is posted on and it's just a hot mess. Lol. But yeah, I'm so disappointed that my computer is on the fritz right now because I had some creative mo-jo goin' on and it's just all crappy. Oh well. Hopefully, I'll still have it at the beginning of the week. That's the estimated fixing time for my puter. So fingers crossed!

Anyway...

These next few chapters are going to be a whirlwind of drama. But I promise I can only do Tommy/Jude endings. I think those two characters were meant for each other and I can't have it any other way. It's just not in me to write her off with anybody else--not even with her music. Lol. So I know that it's going to be a teensy frustrating, but their relationship will be figured out soon. I promise!

So after a long awaited update, here's the newest chapter of There And Back Again and I hope you all enjoy it. Please review and let me know what you think! I love reading all of them :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Instant Star.... obviously.

Chapter 24

Jude felt all the color drain from her face.

Wife.

Had this girl really just said 'wife'? Was her boyfriend of almost a month married? Was this the secret he'd been so adamant to not tell her about?

"Are you okay, miss?"

Jude stared and blinked a few times before realizing she should probably answer this woman. "Wife?" her voice cracked and was shaky; she didn't think she could manage to form any other words.

"Well, on paper, we're still married. It's a minor technicality. But for all intents and purposes, we're no longer together… I'm sorry, you look really familiar, what's your name?"

"Jude," she breathed quietly. "Jude Harrison."

The girl's eyes widened and now her face paled. "Oh no. You're Jude? You're Tom's Jude?"

"Angie?" a booming voice said over the chaotic lobby. Jude turned around to see Tommy looking angrier than she'd ever seen him. He quickly strode over to them and glared at his wife. "What the hell are you doing here? I thought we agreed that you weren't going to come to G-Major and that we were going to finish this through our lawyers?"

This Angie girl looked like she was near tears. She really did look sorry. "Tom, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize—"

"Save it. I need to speak with Jude. Privately."

Angie nodded and quietly walked away, no longer looking like the confident girl Jude had met just mere minutes ago.

"You didn't have to be so rude to the girl, Tommy," Jude said numbly. Inwardly she cringed as she heard how dead her voice sounded—it was almost unrecognizable. "I'm sorry, let me correct myself. You didn't have to be so rude to your wife," she said bitterly.

Tommy winced and tried reaching out to her, but she quickly evaded his touch and hugged herself tightly, trying to deal with this revelation as maturely as her broken heart could handle.

"Jude, let me explain…"

She stared blankly at him, waiting for him to try and spit out some pathetic attempt at an explanation.

But as she waited, she realized that Tommy was obviously having trouble coming up with an acceptable excuse. They were standing in silence, the hustle and bustle of the lobby forgotten, faded out.

"You said you wanted to explain and now you're not going to say anything?" she said dully.

He sighed and ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair. "It's like I told you last night at the apartment. So many times I wanted to tell you, but I just could never bring myself to do it. Not when I didn't feel like I was married. I've not seen her for over two years, Jude. Please—tell me how that constitutes a marriage?" She didn't say anything, but just stood there, her face void of any and all emotions that she was positive were raging somewhere inside of her; she just couldn't feel any of it at the moment. "I wasn't going to risk losing you because of Angie—not when it took us so long to get together in the first place. I didn't tell you because she wasn't important to me, not anymore. I was afraid and I'm sorry."

She still didn't say anything; she really didn't know what to say. She could understand his way of thinking, though, and she could even understand him wanting to protect their relationship and she was grateful that he cared so much, so fiercely about it. And if she were honest with herself, she might have actually done the same thing if the situation had been reversed.

As that thought crossed her mind, Jude blinked in surprise at herself. She didn't understand why she was being so rational about this, so levelheaded. She was never this way—she usually blamed everybody and everything around her first and asked questions later.

And the fact that she was being so calm about Tommy having a wife that he had neglected to tell her about scared her a little bit.

She willed herself to look into his eyes and when she finally found the strength to do that, she saw regret, sadness, worry, panic… fear. She knew he was sorry and she could tell that he was dealing with his own pain right now, but that didn't change anything—it didn't change the fact that he had lied to her. It didn't change that she had become what she had vowed to never become. She had made that promise to herself when she was sixteen and now, even though Tommy said he hadn't seen Angie in years, he was still a married man, which, therefore, compromised the values she had placed in herself.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say, Tommy?"

"Something. Anything. Yell, scream, get angry—hit me. Do something. Anything would be better than this."

"You don't want that. Trust me."

"I do want it. Because any emotion at all would give me hope that in time, we'll be okay."

"I can't…" she trailed off and tightly shut her eyes, trying to feel again. She wanted to feel the emotion. It was scaring her that she was this deadpan about everything at the moment. This wasn't like her.

"I can't even look at you right now. You lied to me. And it's not even like you lied about something as stupid as saying you're working but you're really going out with friends to drink or something ridiculous like that. This is different."

"I know," he said quietly. "But I did what I thought was best in the long run…"

"No. You did what you thought was best for you."

"That's not true—I did what I thought was best for both of us. I didn't want to tell you because I knew things would change between us. We were finally at a good place—a great place—and I didn't want to ruin it."

She shook her head sadly. "You still should have told me, Tommy."

He let out a bitter chuckle and folded his arms angrily. "And you would have listened? You wouldn't have become your usual stubborn and pigheaded self and you actually would have given me a chance to explain had I told you the truth about Angie?" She stayed completely quiet; she knew he had her there. Honestly, she didn't even know why she was listening to him now. It was completely against her nature. "See… I know you. I knew we would have been over before we even got started and I didn't want to risk that. Can you please try to understand that?"

"That's the thing. I do understand that and had the situations been reversed, I might have done the same thing." She saw relief flood his features, and she knew she had to finish quickly or she might give him false hope. "But that doesn't change anything, Tommy. We're finished," she said, barely above a whisper.

"Jude, no, please listen—"

"No, you listen. I did my listening, now it's your turn." He wisely kept his mouth shut after that simply nodded, waiting for her to continue.

She took a deep breath and readied herself. She was going to get through her explanation. "Look, I can't expect for you to understand why I'm ending us over this. So I'll try my best to explain it to you so that you can see why I would have much rather had you tell me than keep this to yourself.

"When I was sixteen, I made a promise to myself to never cheat on anybody. Not after what Shay had done to me—that hurt a lot. It screwed with my head for a while. And then, to make matters worse, not long after I found out about Shay, I found my dad screwing his travel agent on our living room couch," she said bitterly, not even noticing Tommy grimace at her confession.

"I've already broken the promise that I would never cheat when I kissed you while I was still with Jamie. And now, to put the icing on the cake, you made me become the one thing I swore I'd never be—not ever."

"I don't understand…"

Tears pooled in her eyes and she didn't bother blinking them back. Those feelings she had wished for minutes ago were slowly starting to push their way through her barriers she had put up.

"I've become the other woman, Tommy," she choked out.

She saw his outstretched hand and once again, evaded his touch. "Jude, no. What I have—had with Angie is over. It has been for a long time. You had nothing to do with it," he said, obviously trying to sooth her.

"Legally, you're still married, though. You pointing out that you've not seen or heard from her in years doesn't change anything. I still had a relationship with a married man."

Silence passed once more between them. She could see that he was trying to hold back tears and it nearly killed her.

"Just tell me what to do. Tell me what to do so I can fix this," he pleaded.

"I don't know if you can," she said sadly. "Just give me time."

"Jude—"

"I have to go," she added quickly.

She turned on her heal and hurriedly headed out the doors of G-Major, ignoring the perplexed looks that passersby were giving her as she ignored the shouts of her name.

Once she made it to the safety of the outdoors and arrived to her mustang, she broke down, feeling all of the emotions she had suppressed back inside. She was bent over, clutching her stomach, trying to breathe.

As she took in the blurry ground below her, she suddenly wished that she could become numb again. What had she been thinking? Why had she wanted all of this pain she was feeling?

If she had been paying attention, she would have heard heels clicking on the concrete and she would have smelled the perfume permeating the air. But she wasn't paying attention, so she was startled when she heard her name being called.

"Jude?"

She looked up reluctantly and through teary eyes, she saw Karma standing there with concern all over her face.

"Please don't mistake my prying for genuine concern, but what's wrong with you?"

Jude tried desperately to pull herself together—she sure as hell didn't want Karma seeing her fall to pieces.

"Nothing," she lied.

"And that's why you're out here, hunched over like you're barfing?"

Jude glared at the R&B diva and frowned. "It's nothing that concerns you. Like I'd talk to you about this anyway."

"Like it or not, in case you haven't looked around and noticed, I'm all you've got right now," she pointed out.

Sighing, she sunk to the ground and let her head rest against the car, not even noticing that quite possibly one of the most shallow girls on the planet followed her to the ground and placed a supporting arm around her shoulder, forgetting about the dirt that could possibly get on her jeans.

She cried as Karma whispered words of comfort in her ear and leaned into the other girl for some feeling of comfort.

This must be what rock bottom felt like...


An hour later after trying relentlessly to get a hold of Jude, Tommy sat as his desk with his head in his hands. He really screwed things up this time. And he had no one to blame but himself. He'd had plenty of opportunities to tell Jude the truth, but every time, he had backed out. Stupid.

Of course, he hadn't expected her to show up at the label, unannounced.

When she had called last night, oh when she had called, it had definitely come as a shock. About a week ago, he had finally gotten a lead on her and the PI had told him that they were closer to finding her than they had ever been and that he would be closing in on her location soon. But it turned out that he really didn't have to bother with hiring that PI that Darius had suggested because in the end, Angie had contacted him all on her own.

He'd asked how she'd gotten his new number and she'd told him that she still had mutual contacts; she refused to say who it was, though.

He'd then demanded to know what she wanted and she'd replied, "To give you what you want. Your divorce."

The news had come as a shock to him. He'd been wanting to get out from this disastrous marriage for years and now it was finally staring him in the face. She had just dangled the one thing he wanted the most right in front of him.

It had been a very heated discussion and it had left him feeling irritated and annoyed. They hadn't seen or talked to each other in years and one phone call later, it felt like they were still married. Well, technically, they were still married, but that was just according to a piece of paper.

As much as he had wanted to grill her as to why she had up and vanished and just left him hanging, he had known that they couldn't have that conversation with Jude in the next room. Not when his emotions would have likely gotten the better of him. Angie had wanted to keep the conversation going, but when he'd explained that his girlfriend was in the other room, she had quickly agreed that they shouldn't continue the phone call.

Instead, they had agreed that they wouldn't meet unless it was through their lawyers. They both wanted it all to be over now, so she wasn't putting up a fight, which he was thankful for.

He rubbed his face tiredly, dejectedly and sunk back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. Everything was such a fucking mess right now.

"Tom?" a sweet, honey, smooth voice said. Reluctantly, he looked up to see a very apologetic Angie, looking like she would get down on her knees and beg forgiveness if that's what it took.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair; it was habit of his—he always did that when he was nervous or on edge. "I'm not mad at you, Ang," he said quietly. He knew that was what she wanted; reassurance. Even when they had gotten into the very few fights they'd had when they had first been married and she had been positive she was right, she had still always gotten insecure; she couldn't stand it when people were mad at her. She loved making people happy.

"You're not?" she asked, sounding like a little kid who was nervous that they were in trouble.

He offered a very weak, half smile and shook his head. And it was true—he wasn't mad at her. Despite his determination to keep all of that anger he'd developed over the years and take it out on her, he just couldn't seem to do it. Not to Angie. He supposed he would always have a soft spot for her; it was practically impossible to stay angry with her. And if he hadn't believed it over the last two, three years, he definitely did now. His anger had broken almost as soon as he saw how upset she was when he'd walked into his office.

"No. It's not your fault. It's mine. I screwed up…"

Her eyebrows rose and she gave him an incredulous stare. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Tom Quincy?"

He was surprised that even though he was in a sour mood, he managed a chuckle and threw a genuine grin at her. She seemed to always have this affect on him and he hated that she could still make him feel more at ease with himself. "This is the real me, Ang. I promise. Scary, isn't it?"

"Huh. Well… who'd have thunk it? Lil' Tommy Q's all grown up," she said with a smirk. "I believe that's what some people would call an anomaly."

"I know, right? If you'd asked me nearly a year ago if I thought I'd change this much, I'd have laughed right in your face. At the time, I was just… being an asshole to everybody was easier, I guess."

She nodded in understanding and looked down at the ground, which was odd, because he'd never known Angie to ever once do that. "I'm sorry, Tom. I didn't mean to blow the whistle on you."

"I already told you—I'm not mad at you Angie."

"But I'm the reason that Jude left y—here."

"You can say it. She didn't just leave here… she left me."

It was a reality he was slowly starting to deal with. He didn't like it, but he had been expecting it, so he supposed that softened the blow somehow. "And you're not the reason she left. I am. I messed it up, just like I always do."

"Yeah, but I didn't help anything by coming to the label. I should have just stayed away like we had agreed to last night."

"It's seriously fine. It's not your fault. I would have done something to screw everything up eventually, anyway."

He looked at Angie warily as she walked around his desk with a scolding glare in her eyes. It shouldn't have been all that surprising to him when he felt her hand connecting with the back of his head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?" he asked as he rubbed the spot she had just hit.

Her scowl deepened and she punched him in the shoulder. "Jesus, would you stop hitting me, woman? What did I do now?" He wasn't sure which spot to rub now—they both hurt like a bitch. Angie had always been one to hit pretty hard.

"Stop wallowing in your over-played self-loathing routine, okay? It's getting old."

"Angie—"

She cut him off and started mocking him. "Oh, look at me, I'm Tom and I always screw everything up and blah, blah, blah." She returned to her normal, annoying self and rolled her eyes. "Please. Get a new line because that one is seriously overused."

"Thanks for all the support, Ang," he said with a frown. "I can always count on you to kick me while I'm down."

"Oh get over it. You're just pissed because I'm one of the very few people in this world that call you on your shit." She sighed and sat down in one of his spare chairs and her gaze finally turned sympathetic. "Look, you're always bitching about how you always screw everything up in the end and quite honestly, I'm tired of hearing it."

"Well if you're tired of hearing it, then I'm definitely tired of it happening all the time!" he said angrily.

"So do something about it, then! Quit wallowing in your pathetic self-pity and get off your ass and change it."

"And please, tell me how I'm supposed to do that because I'm open to suggestions! She would barely look at me before she left G-Major and now she's not answering my phone calls. I'm kind of running out of options here."

Angie quirked an eyebrow and folded her arms. "And that's going to stop you? Since when have you ever given up on anything?"

"I didn't say I was giving up, okay? It's just… I know Jude and she needs her space right now."

The brunette shook her head stubbornly and lifted her chin ever so slightly. "That is the last thing you need to give her. If you give her space, she's just going to drift further away and you know it."

"Ang, you don't understand. This… it crushed her. More than I ever thought it could have. She doesn't want to be around me right now."

Her eyes turned sympathetic and she nodded. "I know you keep saying it's not my fault, but I am sorry. I wish I could help make this right. Hell, the whole reason I came here was because I saw a picture of you and Jude in some photo spread. You looked so happy. Happier than you ever were with me," she finished with a small, sad smile.

And that gave him the perfect opportunity to ask the one question that had been bugging him since she called him last night. He was surprised that he'd actually found himself wanting to avoid this conversation, but he had to know. He couldn't put it off any longer; he was afraid she might slip into the shadows again.

"Why, Angie?"

He didn't have to elaborate. He could tell by her skin paling that she understood the question just fine.

She bit her lip and he forced himself to keep his gaze firm when tears pooled in her eyes. One large droplet of water fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away, sniffling in the process.

"Sorry," she mumbled as she began searching for her handkerchief that she undoubtedly still carried. In all the time that he'd known her, she'd never gone anywhere without one.

He kept his firm posture and waited for her to get herself together to explain a conversation that was long overdue.

"I really don't know where to begin," she replied honestly.

"How 'bout the part where you decided to leave without a word?" he said bitterly. And he could tell it was starting. That anger that had dissipated almost instantly at the sight of Angie's wide, apologetic eyes, was slowly starting to return.

"Well," she started as she shifted uncomfortably in the overly cushy chair, "I had actually been thinking about leaving for a while. Probably about," she scrunched her face and crinkled her nose, doing apparent calculations in her head. "Oh, I don't know, two weeks prior to the night I left?"

"Two weeks?!" he asked, alarmed. How could he have been so oblivious to have not seen the signs at all? "Why?"

She sighed and lifted her chin, almost defiantly. "Because you were pulling away, almost to the point where you were practically begging for me to leave. Do you not remember those last few weeks we had together? No? Well I do. You would come home, smelling like a brewery and that was if I was lucky. Sometimes you didn't bother coming home at all until the next morning."

He looked away in shame. That sounded about right. "I'm sorry Ang. You didn't deserve that," he said quietly.

"Just let me finish," she said as she put her hand up to stop him. "You definitely don't deserve the blame for this…"

She trailed off, leaving him feeling more confused than ever. From the sounds of it, this was entirely his fault.

"I never wanted you to find out like this," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "In fact, I never wanted you to find out at all. But you deserve to know." She cleared her throat and held his gaze with determination. "I don't know if you remember or not, but before you started your weekly drinking binges, we had started having talks."

He nodded and tried to suppress the memories. Those were often not very happy conversations. "I remember. What about them?"

Her eyes faltered and her face soon became consumed with guilt. "Well, when we had started talking about kids, you made your feelings on the subject very clear…"

Dread filled the pit of his stomach. He didn't like where she was going with this. "Angie… what did you do?"

"Tommy, I was pregnant."