A/N: This fic began in September with an author note suggesting the pocky game. I originally intended that to be their first kiss, but I got side-tracked. So, this one is for you, past-me!

"Whis?"

The angel stood in the kitchen, cupboards all open, just staring ahead.

"Oh, my lord, did you need something?" Whis asked, not used to Beerus ever being in the kitchen at the same time as him, but after the saiyans arrived, there weren't many other places Beerus could have total privacy. Fortunately, Whis had made the kitchen absolutely off-limits to the saiyans from the moment they arrived; not only had he seen how poor Vegeta's cooking was, but he was also well-aware they could consume as much as the destroyer.

"Yes, you, actually." He stepped forward and slid his arms around Whis's waist, nuzzling into the angel's back.

"Oh? Anything I can do for you?"

"I miss you," Beerus muttered into his back.

"Sorry, have I been ignoring you? Do you need more attention?"

"What were you doing in here?"

"Finding out how much food we don't have." Whis narrowed his eyes. "Are you trying to butter me up so I'll slip you a little something extra?"

"Nothing like that, my love. I, uh… Well, I…" Beerus squeezed the angel tighter in place of the words he was missing. "Whis, are you bored of me?"

That threw the angel; he was sure Beerus had come for another reason. "What makes you think that?"

"I heard you offered my job to Goku and Vegeta. You must be pretty desperate to get rid of me."

"Of course not. It's not often we've come across mortals half as qualified as those two. In fact, they're more ready than you were when you first became a destroyer."

"Thanks, great to hear."

Whis turned to face Beerus, gently caressing the back of his head. "Come, my lord, don't be offended. I'm merely looking for a back-up in case I do lose you. I certainly don't want a repeat of the manner in which I found you."

"Yeah, but I'm how old now? I'm never gonna die, right?" Beerus laughed, but well aware that he had been very lucky so far.

"Ever since our universe fell in-line with everyone else with a single Supreme Kai, I've been on the look-out for a back-up. At first I thought I could trust you to look after him, but… Well, you've been a bit lax recently."

"Yeah, but he hasn't died yet, has he?"

"Hmm, two close calls with the same entity? I'd file for negligence."

"Oh, come on! It was you who said I shouldn't get involved with Buu!" Beerus huffed. "And it was you who didn't wake me up when I was in danger."

"I was only obeying –"

"I mean, what else am I supposed to think, Whis? Seems like you're more than ready to get rid of me. Were you eyeing up the saiyans since then?"

"Perhaps I did think about it…" Whis admitted. "But I want you to know that I didn't know until after the fact. I'm sure the Supreme Kai already explained it, but the 'Buu debacle' was over in a matter of days, and I wasn't notified of it. I don't keep tabs on Buu or the Supreme Kai."

"Maybe you should."

"If that is your wish. I would much prefer the kais to contact us if they require assistance. In any case, it is not for me to meddle in these affairs."

"I know," Beerus whispered. Sometimes he had a hard time remembering that Whis wasn't everything he wanted him to be. "But they're fun, right? The kids, I mean."

"The kids?!" Whis laughed. "I suppose that's one way to view them. Yes, they are quite amusing. And, admittedly, it's also fun to watch them wind you up occasionally."

"Because I'm boring otherwise?"

Whis tilted Beerus's chin up to stop him looking away. "I'm not bored of you, my lord. I'm merely offering to keep one of them in Otherworld for as many thuds as it takes for you to die. But neither of them seem overly keen on the idea…"

"And… Would you love them too?"

"What a horrible question," Whis said. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Beerus grimaced. "Yes and no." He burst into a laugh, breaking the tension. "Come on, Whis, I mean, Goku. Could you imagine – I mean -!" Beerus burst into another fit. "How'd he get a wife? Let alone two kids?!"

"Do you not find Goku to be a sweet and gentle soul at heart?" Whis asked.

"He's such a goofball! I just can't imagine him being serious about…" Beerus coughed and straightened up. "You know what, you're right. I don't want to know. But Vegeta…"

Whis kept eye contact with Beerus, not giving away his thoughts.

"I'd fuck Vegeta," Beerus said, completely seriously.

"My lord!" Whis was shocked, not expecting Beerus to actually say it.

"I've got him wrapped around my finger, walking around in that silly little apron. If I ordered him to bend over, you bet he would."

"Yes, I have no doubt. So, I guess I should ask if it's you who has lost interest in me?" Whis asked. "Again."

"No one's watching us, right?" Beerus asked.

Whis shook his head, and Beerus tip-toed so he could kiss him. "Like I've said before, I'm not bored of you, I'm just…interested in something else. I'm never bored of that amazing chocolate cake you make, but sometimes I just want some ice cream, you know? And, actually, I like cake and ice cream together, so that's a really good example, because – oh, no, Whis, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant I can like more than one person at once." Beerus face-palmed. "Bad example, but you know what I mean. Urgh. Are they both asleep?"

"I believe so."

"Can we go cuddle on the sofa then?" Beerus asked. "I can't believe I have to ask to go and chill out in my own home."

"You could stop hiding the fact we've been like this since before they were born. I have them change your sheets while you sleep, you know; you've looked a lot more vulnerable and less intimidating than if they saw you snuggling with me."

"What I do in my sleep doesn't count. I've got to keep up my scary destroyer persona a little longer." He sat on the sofa and pulled Whis into his arms.

"Mm, I'm sure they're very scared when you come out in nothing but your night robe, rubbing your eyes and yawning," Whis said sarcastically. "Actually, no, you're right. It's best we keep this from them; if they know how much you dote on me they might be afraid to lay a finger on me."

"As if they'll ever manage to hit you anyway."

"If any mortal can, it'll be Goku, closely followed by Vegeta the next day."

Beerus chuckled. "Yes, quite the pair."

They lapsed into silence, enjoying this time of peace without the saiyans running amuck. To Beerus it felt like an age since he'd last held Whis like this, and now he thought about it, he hadn't since Vegeta had arrived here many months ago. He leaned in to peck Whis on the cheek, trusting that the angel would tell him if either of the children were wandering about at this hour.

"I'm surprised you haven't tired of them yet," Whis commented.

"I'll admit, since Goku arrived my patience has started to wear thin. Having Vegeta around was fine; he's not nearly as much of a pest."

"Well, if you are looking for a break, you could always ask your other half if he'd like to take you elsewhere. Maybe you can get me a little something too – it's been a while since you surprised me."

"Huh?" Beerus looked down to see if Whis was hiding a cheeky grin. "Aren't you meant to be getting me something to say sorry for ignoring me in favour of the monkeys?"

"I don't see why I should. You've ignored me a lot more in the past."

"Past-shmast! Are you trying to get rid of me so you can be extra noisy or something?" Beerus asked. "Going to destroy my planet and rebuild it before I get back?"

Whis shrugged. "I wasn't planning to, but I figured it would be better for you to be out of the way and not being disturbed while I give the boys some more rigorous training."

"How about you take them to whatever planet I haven't destroyed yet that I'm meant to before the next meeting? Then they can really go wild."

"Sounds like you're trying to get out of a job, my lord."

"No, I'm trying to get out of spending time on that boring-ass planet they call a home. I wouldn't mind if it was just Shin, or Kibishin – whatever their fusion is called, but now that old bastard's back it's the last place I want to go. Especially without you to take me home."

"Well, just don't complain when they wake you up again tomorrow."

Beerus yawned and nuzzled his cheek against Whis's. "The things I suffer for you. Call the Seer for me."

Whis did as he was bid, using his staff so he needn't yell like Beerus usually did.

"How can I help?" the Seer asked.

"Am I going to be woken up tomorrow?" Beerus asked.

"Yep!"

"Don't say it so cheerily!"

The fish shrugged. "It's going to be good though. You'll –"

Beerus cut her off. "Don't tell me. I want it to be a surprise."

"Since when did you like surprises?" Whis asked.

"If it's a good one, I don't mind a bit of anticipation. Besides, tomorrow will arrive before I know it." He got up and stretched. "Better get some sleep while I can then. Goodnight, dear Whis." He bent down to give him a parting kiss.

"Sleep well, darling."

Beerus smiled, always pleased when Whis dropped formalities.

"You can tell me, though," Whis said to the Seer once Beerus was out of range.

"His brother's going to visit!"

"Oh good!" Whis clapped. "It's been a while, hasn't it? I look forward to seeing both Lord Champa and my sister."

Ooo

"How the fuck?!" Beerus yelled when he saw Goku waltz into his living room, Vegeta a few steps behind.

The saiyan smiled sheepishly as he gave Beerus a wave. "S'up, Lord Beerus!"

The destroyer narrowed his eyes at Goku, and shot a look at Whis. "Please don't tell me you've finally learned to lock onto my energy." That was the last thing he wanted Goku to learn, and although he hadn't forbade Whis from teaching him, he hoped the angel would allow him that small mercy.

"Oh, I wish! We got a ride from someone else." Goku didn't pause to allow Beerus to ask who, "But anyway, will you – I mean, Whis, will you – with your permission of course, Lord Beerus – will you train us again?"

Vegeta stepped forward. "We have an offering." There were a few small boxes in his hands.

Beerus turned his nose up. "How good can something that small be? Besides, I need to know who you're catching rides with to my planet before I accept any kind of bribe."

Goku fumbled nervously. "We made a promise not to tell on him…" But the secret was standing in his way of training and it was hard not to just blurt it out.

"Would I destroy him if I found out?" Beerus pondered aloud. "Have you been pestering Monaka?!" It was his first conclusion when he thought of someone who visited both his planet and Earth. There weren't many others, surely –

"Monaka?!" Goku beamed. "Is he here? Does he come here a lot? Oh man, Lord Beerus, please, please you gotta tell me if he comes while we're here!"

Beerus made a mental note to make sure Monaka was banned from delivering anything to the planet again. If Whis wasn't so busy training the saiyans he wouldn't have been forced to try out delivery services anyway, but at the same time, he'd finally found a way to buy things behind Whis's back without the help of –

"That bastard."

"Huh?" Goku cocked his head, not sure if Beerus was talking about Monaka.

"I know who brought you. Is he still here?"

"Nah, he said he had things to do."

"Hmph, of course, always busy aren't they? Supreme Kais, I mean."

"Yeah, I –" Goku doubled forward when Vegeta's palm collided with his head. "Hey, what's that for, Vegeta?!"

Beerus laughed. "I'll have to pay that little sprout a visit. I mean, I knew you were on good terms, but that's very, very cheeky of you to ask him."

"Well, we did save the world once." Goku smiled, carefree as ever despite the displeasure in Beerus's face.

The destroyer strode forward, and grabbed the front of Goku's shirt. If he ever did make a wish on the Super Dragon Balls again, he'd probably ask that Goku was made a couple of inches shorter so Beerus could have the upper edge when threatening him. "I know you have no idea what respect means, Goku, but just because you do the universe a small favour, doesn't mean you should go around using the Supreme Kai for lifts to my world. Uninvited! You'd do well to pay my other half more respect and leave him alone."

If it wasn't for the fact Beerus still struck fear into Vegeta, the prince might have let out his snigger at the use of the term 'other half.' Naturally, it went over Goku's head.

"Actually, he offered," Goku pointed out.

Beerus's other hand twitched and formed a fist, but Vegeta spoke up before a punch could be thrown. "Sorry, Lord Beerus, but Kakarot is telling the truth – we went to see who else can travel to your planet, and he just offered to take us."

Beerus's teeth ground together in anger – of course he'd offer! Always so eager to please people, and yet the little shit wouldn't even stick around to say hi! Was that because he knew Beerus would be angry at the saiyan's arrival, or because they just weren't on good terms? If he was Shin, he certainly wouldn't stick around for an awkward cup of tea.

With that in mind he released his grip on Goku, taking a deep breath.

"Well, my lord, would you like me to escort the saiyans back to Earth, or…?" Whis asked, having quite enjoyed the show. It had been too many years since someone as wonderfully obtuse as Goku had come into their lives. And to have a god-fearing friend like Vegeta next to him? Comedic gold for Whis every day the saiyans spent on the planet.

"No, let's not be hasty." Beerus absent-mindedly patted Goku's shirt back into place. "Let's see what they have to offer."

Vegeta handed a box to Goku, who was already beaming – that was as good as Beerus saying yes to Goku's ears. "We call it pocky! It's food you can play a game with." That caught Beerus's attention. "You have to see who can eat it the fastest!" Goku pulled out a stick from the box, and Beerus immediately snatched it from his hand.

"Biscuit dipped in chocolate?" He inspected the thin stick before biting half off. "It's nothing special, but I do appreciate that the bottom is left undipped to avoid messy fingers. I bet I could eat the whole box in seconds."

"No, that's not how you play!" Goku pulled out another stick and poked it into Vegeta's unwilling mouth. "Vegeta has one end, I bite the other end, and then we both eat as much as we can!" Goku bit his half, about to play, but Vegeta let go.

"And you play it with someone you like," Vegeta huffed. "I'm not playing with you, Kakarot."

"Aw, c'mon, Vegeta, just to show –"

"The game sounds simple enough," Beerus said, pulling out another stick and walking over to Whis. "When I say." He bent down and carefully took hold of the other end between his teeth. "Now!"

It was over in a moment, ending with his lips pressed firmly against Whis's as he fought for the last bit of the pocky. Then he realised exactly why Vegeta had been unwilling to play the game with Goku. Beerus stood up as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred – which it hadn't – he kissed Whis all the time after all.

"Who won?"

Vegeta was still speechless over the fact Beerus had actually played the pocky game before his eyes.

"I dunno," Goku said. "It was very fast. Whoever got more than half wins, right, Vegeta?"

"Actually, if it ends in a kiss, it's considered a tie."

Goku laughed. "Well, then you're both winners! I've never played before to be honest, but I saw it somewhere recently."

Vegeta wasn't going to remind Goku of the New Year's party. "And we have more flavours if you'd like to try!" He held forth a variety of different ones.

The different colours pleased Beerus, and he agreed that Whis could train them. "I expect a better offering next time. Something more filling." But god was this a good way to get Whis to come to him for a kiss – not that he'd tell the saiyans that.

Ooo

Beerus lounged on the sofa with a stick of pocky dangling from his mouth – banana flavoured this time. When Whis walked in he took the bait, all according to plan.

"How many more of those do you have?" Whis asked, surprised that Beerus hadn't eaten all five boxes already.

"I don't know. Enough." His tail patted the sofa, and Whis took the offer to sit. "They're not to be wasted by eating them all at once."

"Well, this must be the most valuable gift so far if it's lasted this long."

Beerus scoffed. "It's because they're so terribly plain that I see no point in eating the whole box at once. A kiss from you far outweighs the sweet itself."

"You could just ask for a kiss, dear."

"Now where's the fun in that?" Beerus asked as he laid his legs across Whis's lap. "I want them gone before I finish all the pocky. Can you do that?"

"Of course. Although, it would be very useful to know how many sticks are left, and if you plan to increase the frequency of their use."

"Unfortunately there's quite a lot of sticks in one box. I still haven't finished a whole box, although I have been switching the flavours every day. Say, which is your favourite?"

"I'm quite partial to the strawberry."

Beerus took note. "I'll make sure I save that for special occasions."

Whis narrowed his eyes, unsure what Beerus meant by that. "But please, my lord, feel free to tell me my fun with the saiyans is over whenever you please."

Naturally he would wait until they were driving him completely nuts before he took Whis's fun away. He was hard-pressed to remember a time when Whis had this much fun with a mortal, and certainly this was the first time the angel had requested they bring one home.

"Well, if you can't do it, I'll just add it to the list of things you can't do."

"Oh?" Whis smirked. "You still add to that list do you?"

"Of course. But, naturally, I've had a hard time adding to it after I made the initial list. It's not a very long list after all."

"What's on it? I never asked. And, to be honest, I thought it was all a bit of a joke."

"Oh no, it's quite real. I even have some notes somewhere, just in case I forget."

Whis cocked a brow. "What could you possibly forget?"

"Well, I doubt I would ever forget that you can't sleep – that one stuck with me for a while. I remember a few times I woke up in the night – I purposely drank a bucket of water to make sure I did – to try and catch you out. But it was true, and you never showed any fatigue. Now, this next one is one I've forgotten a few times, but I'm pretty sure it's stuck now; you can't sing. At first I gave you the benefit of the doubt at that pub karaoke, thinking you were just matching the poor quality of the locals. But then I realised you are just that bad."

"Ouch. I didn't think that would be on the list. After all, I can sing, just not very well."

"I added it to remind myself in the future." Beerus leaned in so he could caress Whis's cheek. "I love your voice – you know that. But, god, when you sing… It just reminds me that angels aren't perfect."

"Perhaps that's a good thing."

"Clearly I know that, otherwise I wouldn't have this list!"

"Yes, and what else is on it? I want to know."

Beerus scratched his head. "Uh… Let's talk about something else."

"Oh no, that definitely means I want to know."

"Look, Whis, I added some… Some stupid additions. Much like how I'm threatening to add 'Whis cannot get rid of two saiyans from my planet' – they're silly points and not true."

"I'll just have to root around in your room then."

"I'll buy you ten boxes of sushi if you forget about this for a century."

Whis hummed. "Deal."

"For real?" Beerus asked.

"Of course. Something to look forward to. And I'll know if you really did add the thing about the saiyans."

Beerus sighed in relief. He should probably re-write the list and burn the old one with all its corrections. The last thing he wanted was for Whis to see that he'd scribbled out 'Whis doesn't like sex' and written next to it 'WHIS CAN'T HAVE SEX!' only for that too to be scribbled out, and a more accurate description written. He may also have been a little aggressive when he wrote about Whis being unable to wake him when his life was in danger. That could have been worded better and more concisely. Well, that was a problem for later.

Beerus changed position so he could rest his head in Whis's lap. "But the list of things you can do… It goes on and on! Even after all these millions of years, sometimes I wake up and I think wow! I can't believe the universe gave me a literal angel who can do everything – almost. I'm… I'm really grateful, you know."

"Have you been drinking, my lord?"

"No! Whis! How can you think – that's harsh!"

Whis shrugged. "Odd of you to be so sentimental when we have guests potentially wandering about and –"

"Is Vegeta eavesdropping?!"

"No, no, but he is still awake at this hour it seems."

Beerus frowned. "For everything I like about that man, I will never understand how he can function on such little sleep. Because unlike you, he needs it."

"Perhaps that's why he's often in a foul mood. But please, my lord, continue to wax lyrical about how much you adore me."

"My dear Whis, I could go on for hours, you know, about how beautiful you are, about how beautiful your cooking is, how wonderfully attentive you are. But really, right now, I'd like to remind you of how you know this little trick where you caress me between the ears and send me off to sleep almost instantly."

"How unfortunate. I doubt you'll be as talkative when you wake." Still, his hand took up its position as requested. "Sleep well, honey."

Beerus chuckled softly. "Thank you, my love."

A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm done with this fic! It went on way longer than I ever could have imagined, but I've hit all the points I wanted to, and it does well to lead into my other fic, Magnetic Today, if I leave it here. And really, where do you end with these two? They're endless.