From age three to 12, I've been suffering from grief and sorrow over my parents' death until this day when Brutus explains something to me to sorta help soothe the sonic emotional blow of my grief and also a little memory quote from my father that triggers me to realize that life goes on and that when people you love die, they'll always be with you. Something I never even realized or have ever been taught before.

Chapter 25: Letting Go of My Grief

Another year has passed by and I'm still in my room, trying to find peace within myself while doing yoga. Also, I'm reaching a new factor in my life that I am 12 years old. It kinda feels scary knowing that this is the age I'm in and how I'm that close to be a teenager.

I was meditating, hoping to find some inner peace as I keep thinking about so many peaceful thoughts. Although, it's been nine years since my parents' death, I think I'm trying to move forward with it because I spent most of my childhood grieving over the loss of my parents, but often times it's kinda hard for me to move on.

I opened my eyes and stood up for a while and just went out of the room for a second and just took a walk and then, I went to the picnic table and just sat there under the tree watching the other kids play. I'm kinda too shy to be around people somewhat closer to my age or some that are older than me, because who would accept me for me?

Not even growing older will help me get over the scars that have been left behind since my parents died as well as bad memories of being teased and tormented by bullies since I've been here. Those kind of feelings will never go away.

Suddenly, Eli walks past me and then told me, "Hey, worthless!"

I didn't even turn around or even cared to respond, so I just said nothing and then he kept calling me and calling me and calling me and I still remained quiet because unlike him, I've been a little more mature than him. He grew more angrier and then, he did the unthinkable-he punched me in the nose and in the face and I fell down on the ground.

He stood up, went in front of me and got up in my face and said, "Are you deaf or something?"

I just stood silent while looking at him in the eye and I knew that if I would respond, that would mean he would win this situation, but I was determined not to let it get to my head and try to stay cool. He stared at me and asked, "Are you gonna say something?"

My response was only a nod and he didn't take that very well. He breathed sharply and started growling at me and as soon as I walked away from him, he quickly grabbed my ankle and dragged me off to the tree and he started beating me up and just bashed my head against a tree.

I groaned in pain and then he threw me across the yard and landed on the ground. Eli quickly pounced on my back and grabbed my neck and I started screaming in pain.

"Let me go! It hurts!" I cried out.

"Oh, now you can talk? This is what will happen if you don't do a single thing I said!"

He grabbed my leg and tried to twist it and I screamed in deep pain and agony and I just felt completely helpless and I said, "Leave me alone!"

Then, Brutus came over and saw me being tortured by him, so he ran up to Eli, pushed him down and said, "Let go of him!"

"Who says?"

He picks Eli up and looks at him in the eye and said, "Me and my brother have been watching you make Musaki's life miserable and it makes me mad."

"Who do you think you are? You don't even know me. "

"You better watch who you're talking to. And don't tell me I never saw you harming Musaki or any other orphan. I've seen you bullying him and saying that he'll never be adopted because of the way he is. You think it's cool of you to do these kinds of things? I don't! So, you have clearly messed with the wrong person who's been through a lot. Next time, if I see or hear you bother Musaki again, trust me when I say it ain't gonna be pretty. Got that?"

Eli just scoffs and said, "Whatever."

He sets him down and just walks off but not before looking at me and said, "You're just lucky you got off easy, you ugly piece of trash!"

"Leave!" Brutus exclaims.

As soon as he leaves, Brutus looks at me and asked, "You okay, kid? That guy is bad news."

I got up and dusted myself off and said, "Well, I've taken many beatings from him for two years along with him and some tigers."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'll make sure that if they do that again, they'll definitely get what's coming to them. I mean, I can't believe he called you 'ugly.'"

"Maybe that's how I am."

Brutus was actually shocked to hear that and he said, "You're not ugly. Why would you think that?"

"For the past several years, I've been called 'ugly' to my face by bullies, saying that no family will adopt me because I'm a skinny panda."

"Don't you know that a family will love you for only you? Who cares what they think? What matters is that you are perfect just the way you are. You just have to believe in that and someone will adopt you, but you have to let go of the past so you can have a future."

I sighed sadly and said, " I know, I know. Sometimes...I feel like...I'm just not good enough for them. I just don't wanna forget about my parents."

"And you won't. Because you know why? They're looking down on you in the sky, just watching over you in heaven."

I looked up and all I could see were clouds. I was thinking that it wasn't really true, but Brutus told me to look again and as I looked up, something clicked me and I can remember my dad saying something to me when I was a baby cub that might've helped me a little.

'My son, look at the sky. All of those stars that are shining are your ancestors. They're all looking down on us, knowing that they are here for us. Even though we can't see them in person, we can feel their spirit. So whenever you feel alone, know that those stars will be there to look after you...and so will me and your mother. And when one of us goes up in the sky, we will be waiting for you and we'll be together again.'

It's like one part of my past has been forgotten and when it went in my head, it made sense. I widened my eyes and whispered, "That's right. I remember it now."

Then, I turned to Brutus and asked, "Are they really looking down on me from heaven?"

"When a loved one passes, they watch over you and they're waiting for you until you reunite them and you'll be together forever...in spirit."

I was definitely most amazed when Brutus told me that I can see my parents when I die. My eyes were welling up with tears and I was completely blown away by this. I gave Brutus a hug and just cried in his arms. He whispered, "They're looking down at you in the sky."

Then, I went back to my room and started playing my flute, hoping to sort of ease my pain a little bit. It was the first time that I was able to really see that my parents are no longer here, but I felt like they were here in spirit. As I was playing, I kept imagine what it would be like if I went to heaven and saw my parents. That would be cool because I've been through so much.

After that, I looked up the window and looked to the sky, just thinking about my parents. For a long time, I felt like this emotional pain of my parents' death wasn't gonna stop, but after what Brutus told me, I felt like no matter what, my parents will be there for me while they're in heaven.

Brutus then came in and said, "How you holding up?"

"Fine, I guess."

"Musaki, I've been through that same road before about not getting over someone that you love has been dead. The pain feels worse and sometimes it's very hard to get over it. But Shakur told me that they may be gone, but we can still feel their spirit. We miss them, but they wouldn't want to see us be sorrowful and sad all the time. They want us to move forward and just be happy. Most times, I was scared that one day I might forget about them, but I never did. Shakur told me that we'll keep the memories of our parents alive and just...live life and not miss out on anything."

What he said pretty much made sense to me. Just talking about it still hurts, but at least it'll help me deal with the loss. I looked at him and asked, "What should I do?"

"Just move forward. I'm gonna give you a little quote that my father gave me and Shakur. The quote is, 'Even though things happen for a reason and we may not know why, don't let this situation get you down. Just be strong and overcome whatever life throws at you.' You have overcame a lot since you've been here and I'm confident that someone will adopt you. It'll happen someday. I promise. Sometimes, it's hard to accept that they're not here anymore, but you have to remember-it's just a part of life. And I know that your parents will be proud of you for having a happy life."

I nodded my head and he patted my head and walked off the room. As soon as he left, I just felt like there has always been this big wound inside of me that has been there when I was three when I saw my parents die and it left me really sad and lonely for so many years, but after hearing what Brutus said, I know that my parents wouldn't want me to be sad over this. I looked down on my necklace and read what it said on the back, 'You Are Not Alone for I am here with you, though we're far away, I am here to say for you are not alone for I am here with you, though we're far apart, we're always in your heart for you are not alone'.

It kinda helped me heal all the hurt I've been through since I've been at the orphanage just dealing with a lot of things that I've been through in my life. The necklace lets me know that they're still alive in my heart and that I should accept it. I don't wanna live my life in sadness over my parents' death anymore and I decided to just get used to the fact that they're gone but never forgotten.

I sat down on the floor and started meditating. While doing that, it's safe to say that I'm gonna be okay even though it's been nine years. Still, it hurts to even talk about it, but at least I know I'll make it through the day and they're at peace now and they would want me to live in peace. Hopefully, a family will adopt me, but I still have my doubts. I don't know yet, but I hope that it'll happen.

Animation Universe: I guess it stuck with you, huh?

Musaki: Yeah. I never understood it then, but now I do. Even though it may be hard for me, I know that I will see my parents again when I die.

Animation Universe: Look where you're at now. You've come a long way.

Musaki: I've been through so much, but it was worth it in the end.

Animation Universe: If anyone has ever lost a loved one before, you know how Musaki feels. I hope you liked this chapter and we will have more, so stick around. Don't forget to read and review, please!