A/N: I'm very grateful to everyone who took the time to read this story. Also thank you to those who left comments and kudos. Now I know this ending may not be what some of you wanted but it felt like the right way to end it for now. I enjoyed writing these characters together so I may revisit their story in the future!
"I don't know if you remember but about three years ago my mom passed away." Ashley started and turned her head back to face Shay.
Shay nodded, "Breast cancer, I remember your tattoos." She said pointing to Ashley's chest. The tattoo's were visible because of the tank top.
Ashley smiled slightly then continued, "All of us kids were closer with our mom than our dad." Ashley then paused anticipating Shay's question.
Shay simply asked, "Kids?"
"Obviously you've met Kyla. We also had a brother and my best friend was considered another sister." Ashley answered.
Given the way Ashley worded her response Shay remained silent. She had a horrible feeling about where this was going.
Ashley noticed Shay wasn't going to say anything so she continued, "Our dad is a kiss ass ladder climber in the MFD who happened to hate the idea of female firefighters. He's a complete asshole so after mom was gone my firehouse became the only family I acknowledged, besides Kyla of course."
Shay just nodded and smiled hoping to encourage Ashley to continue.
"My brother Mike and my best friend Spencer were on squad with me so it was easy to think of the guys at my firehouse as my family. Luckily our Battalion Chief was willing to overlook the fact that Mike was my brother as well as my Lieutenant." Ashley said with a sad smile. "It helped that our squad was the best in the city. We proved it in charity competitions the MFD would hold, not to mention our work on scene."
"Well I've seen you in action so I can imagine." Shay said encouragingly.
"It was a great few years with them on squad." She smiled slightly then sighed. "But that's not exactly what I wanted to tell you."
Shay remained silent. Ashley turned and walked closer to the window so she couldn't see Shay. She wasn't sure if she could get this story out but she knew her best shot would be by avoiding looking at Shay.
As Ashley stared out the window she continued. "The day I left your apartment I couldn't seem to get you out of my head. As I said before after I put Tyler to bed I raced home, but not just for work. I wanted to talk to Spencer about you because she knew me better than anyone so I figured she could help me make sense of what was going through my head. The only problem was she wasn't home. She had left me a note saying she had met someone over the weekend and was having a sleep over but that she would see me at work. I knew at some point during our 24 hour shift we would find time to catch up on what happened over the weekend.
Ashley took a couple of shaky breaths before continuing. "When I got to work the next morning Spencer wasn't there yet so I went and got changed. Then I helped Mike check the rig but when we were done Spencer still hadn't shown up. I called her but she didn't answer. Over the next fifteen or twenty minutes I tried to call her a couple more times and still only got her voicemail. I was starting to get worried because Spencer was the type of person who was habitually early for everything." Ashley quickly said as she continued to stare out the window. She tried to shut everything around her out, she just needed to get this story out.
Ashley gave no indication that she had noticed the door to her room open. Nor did she show any sign that she knew Severide and Rafferty had entered.
Shay on the other hand noticed the disturbance and immediately put her finger to her lips so they would hopefully be quiet. Shay couldn't see Ashley's face and she wasn't sure if Ashley wanted them there but figured Ashley would say something if their presence was a problem.
Ashley continued, "A few minutes after our shift officially started we got a call of a jumper on the Hoan Bridge which was unfortunately a common call for our house given our location in the city and our squad training. We had the most certified divers of any other squad crew in the city. We were told in route there were two people in the water." Ashley said then stopped and took a couple deep breaths to fight the emotions that were threatening to surface.
Shay felt her stomach drop as Ashley spoke. Given what she had told Ashley about her own struggles and the reaction Ashley had she knew what came next was bad. She was about to say something but Rafferty put a hand on her shoulder. When Shay looked up at her new partner she noticed two things: Rafferty had a sad look in her eyes and she was shaking her head. As if to emphasize her head shake she put a finger up to her lips then pointed to Ashley. She was clearly telling Shay to be quiet and let Ashley get her story out.
"My brother and I were the best divers on our squad so when we got on scene we suited up and went into Lake Michigan. My brother instructed me to head for the smaller person who was further from shore. He pulled a large male to shore and the paramedics immediately tried to revive him. I figured the person I was going for was a woman because all I could see was long blond hair, the face was in the water. I reached the person, grabbed under the arm pits and leaned back. When the persons face came out of the water I froze. The face that had been in the water belonged to my best friend Spencer." Ashley said and couldn't contain her tears any longer. In a weak voice she continued, "I snapped out of my shock and got to shore faster than I thought possible. I carried her out of the water, laid her down and started CPR. My brother came over to help and we tried to bring her back but we couldn't."
Shay couldn't help herself, she quietly asked, "Oh my god, what happened?"
Ashley didn't move, as if she was on auto pilot she continued, "From what the cops could gather from witnesses Spencer had pulled over when she saw a man standing on the outside of the guard rail on the bridge. She apparently tried to talk him down. According to a witness whatever she said seemed to work because the man turned back towards the bridge. When she tried to help him back over the guard rail he slipped sending them both off the bridge and into the lake."
Shay could hear the pain in Ashley's voice but she didn't know what to say. Everything that popped into her head sounded cliché or impersonal.
"What I hadn't seen at first was that she had a wound on her head and the cops found evidence that she had hit her head on the bridge when she got pulled over. She probably never had a chance to save herself." After she said that Ashley took a few moments to compose herself before she continued, "When we got back to the house there was already a relief squad crew there and we were sent home. I went home with Mike because I couldn't face the apartment Spencer and I shared."
As Ashley paused Rafferty looked at Shay then Severide. Though she didn't really know these two she knew this part of Ashley's story would hit these two hard. She wasn't surprised to see tears in both their eyes, no doubt the friends thoughts flashed to the possibility that something like this could happen to them. Rafferty looked back to Shay and noticed she was about to stand up. Rafferty again put her hand on Shay's shoulder, when she looked up Rafferty mouthed, 'Just wait there's more.'
Shay nodded and relaxed in her chair awaiting Ashley to continue.
"We were offered a few days off but none of us took them. We all felt being together at work was the best way to honor Spencer. But if we only knew what the next shift would bring we probably would have taken the offered days off." Ashley said sadly but kept going. "Half way through the next shift we responded to an apartment fire. It didn't look too bad as we approached so squad and truck went in to search the units, the fire was similar to the one we responded to which lead to me being here." Ashley couldn't help but pause for a moment. She knew her pauses may seem dramatic to some but she hoped Shay and Severide, who she had seen come in with Rafferty in the reflection of the window, would understand this was just tough for her to tell. "Truck took the upstairs apartments and squad took the lower ones. My brother and two guys took one side so I was on the other side with the rest of our guys. We quickly cleared our side and were gonna check on the other side but we got the call to get out before we could. Everyone from truck and squad replied that they were on their way out. Once me and my guys were out and by our rig we turned to wait for my brother and his guys to come out. Guys from truck came pouring out of the building but our guys weren't with them. I called over the radio to my brother and he answered, 'Just found a kid, we'll be there in a sec sis.' But…" Ashley's voice caught in her throat. She dropped her head and her shoulders started to shake.
Shay looked up at Rafferty who nodded towards Ashley, she wasted no time in getting up and moving towards her. She carefully put her arm around Ashley, not sure how the brunette would react.
It took Ashley a bit to compose herself. She didn't shy away from Shay's contact but she didn't lean into the contact either. Finally she spoke, "There was a sharp explosion seconds after my brother responded from an upper apartment on the side he was searching. We lost all three of them plus the little girl they had found."
After saying that Shay felt Ashley weaken a bit, "Why don't you come sit down Ashley?"
Ashley nodded and backed up to the chair she had been sitting in earlier. Without turning around she said, "No need to hide or escape guys. I know you're here Raff and Severide."
"How'd you know?" Severide asked. "You've been looking out the window the whole time we've been here."
Ashley turned, "I heard the door and saw you guys reflected in the window."
Severide quickly replied, "I'm sorry Ashley. I didn't mean to intrude."
"No need to be sorry Severide. We've had our issues but I'm glad you were here to hear my story." Ashley admitted.
He walked over to Ashley and sat in the chair Shay had vacated. "I lost one of my best friends in a fire a couple years ago. I know how tough it was for me to process that loss. I can't even imagine what you have gone through and what you're still going through. Just remember you now have a family at 51 who are here for you, no matter what."
"I appreciate that Severide but I don't want anyone's pity." Ashley replied.
Severide nodded, "I get that. But you've already earned the respect of the guys between how you dealt with Driver then how you've performed since then on scene. I don't think any of the guys have the balls to pity you at all. I know I don't."
Rafferty chimed in, "I hope you know that I know better than to pity you in any way shape or form. Plus I'd smack anyone if they did pity you."
"And I'm with Severide, I don't have to balls to pity you either." Shay added. "If anything I envy your strength."
Ashley couldn't help but laugh, "Thanks guys."
Severide nodded and stood, "Well now that Rafferty and I know where Shay is I think it's time for us to head out." He turned back towards Shay and said, "Let me know if you want me to stop by later."
Shay smiled at her best friend, "I'll text you later Kelly."
He smiled and walked towards the door, nodding at Rafferty as he passed her.
Rafferty took the hint and said, "I'll be around later to check on you ladies."
"Bye guys." Shay said with a wave.
Ashley smiled at the pair, "Thank you guys for stopping by."
Ashley and Shay remained silent for a long while after their friends left. Neither woman really knew what to say.
After about twenty minutes Ashley finally broke the silence. "I know that was a lot to lay on you all at once Shay, especially after what you told me about your struggles. I could tell that was hard for you to share and then I laid my emotional load on top of that. It's just hard for me to talk about so when I do talk about that week it just all comes out at once."
"I'm glad you told me Ashley." Shay said quietly. She was hesitant to speak up because she wasn't sure what Ashley might say now that they were alone. After hearing Ashley talk about what happened to her best friend she felt guilty about telling Ashley about her own suicidal thoughts on a bridge.
Ashley kept talking not having heard Shay, "I know I should probably talk about one person at a time. It would probably be easier for other people to handle emotionally."
"Ashley!" Shay said more loudly causing Ashley to turn her head towards Shay. "I'm glad you told me. Thank you for sharing that with me especially because I can tell it was hard for you."
Ashley didn't know what to say so she just nodded and smiled slightly. Then she said, "I guess I feel bad that I made you and Severide cry."
"You have no reason to feel bad Ashley." Shay said as she shook her head. "I can't imagine anyone hearing what you went through and not tearing up. Especially anyone who has been on calls like you described."
"I guess." Ashley said with a shrug. "The only other people I've talked to about that week at work that didn't live it have been Rafferty and Boden."
Shay wasn't sure what to say. She was saved from coming up with something when Ashley continued, "I'll admit I'm confused because I don't normally trust easily but I feel like I can trust you Shay and that honestly scares me a bit."
"I appreciate knowing that." Shay replied with a smile.
"So where do we go from here?" Ashley asked.
Shay thought for a moment then said, "Well here's how I look at us after everything we've shared today. We met that night at the club and had a great time together. Since then, in different ways, we've gone through situations that were our own personal hells. Now we're on the other side of those and we're in the same place at the same time again." Shay explained. "I'd like to take this second chance and get to know you. I have no expectations of anything beyond a possible friendship. I can't predict anything in the future, I just know that I want to get to know you better Ashley."
Ashley smiled, "I'd like to get to know you too Shay."
"Good." Shay said with a huge smile.
"I can't think of a better thing to do during our time off from work." Ashley said matching Shay's smile.
THE END