A/N: a bit thanks to Anifan1 for a useful and thorough beta-read!

At first, Yalran's plan for the following afternoon had been to take me to the mall.

We'd talked about it on-and-off all morning. She was going to take me there and let go of my body, and then let me just wander around for a couple of hours. I could buy a snack or a book or some clothes or whatever, trade a few words with people in the process, and slowly get used to being in control around my fellow humans again.

I suppose it wasn't much, but it was certainly a start, and I was honestly looking forward to it. After lunchtime, though, the plan changed. Yalran had mentioned to my friends where she was going, and they'd asked if they could come along too, and Yalran had no real reason to say "no". I'd been disappointed at first - I assumed Yalran would just stay in control if my friends were there - but my disappointment faded as the day went on. There were worse ways to spend a few hours, after all, and I was sure I'd get another chance soon enough.

And so, that afternoon, I found myself being walked towards the mall with Helen and Caleb both in tow, my yeerk trading small-talk with them all the while. The thought of spending time with my friends had Yalran in a wonderful mood, and she happily chatted away to me even as she maintained conversation with those around her. She chatted so much so, in fact, that I could barely make out the words that Yalran was making me say.

((We'll have to get a cinnamon bun or two,)) she said to me, as the mall's entrance loomed in front of us. ((Or a burger. Or…hey, you think I should play Caleb in the arcade and not hold back this time? And what about…))

She went on and on, and I couldn't help but smile inside as I listened, even though I was barely able to get a word in edge-wise. She just seemed so happy to be doing this that I couldn't not be happy in turn, even with my actions still firmly under her control.

I hoped vaguely to myself that Yalran would walk around in the mall enough to make up for all the extra food.

This was how she wanted to live: as a human being, living a human life, far away from the struggles of war. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like, had that been the only thing Yalran did with me. Would I have been okay with her being there in that case? Would I have been happy to be controlled, at least occasionally, had I merely been given the chance to choose?

I was asking myself those things right then, in the mall, until I felt Yalran abruptly nudge at my mind.

((Hey, Beth? Want to play?))

We were in the arcade now, I saw: Helen, Caleb, my yeerk, and myself. There were arcade machines around us making an absolute racket, and I'm sure I'd have struggled to hear Yalran had she been physically talking to me. We were on the move, heading towards a row of game cabinets near the back. All those cabinets were for the same racing game - the sort with pedals and a steering wheel and a big seat - and I saw at once that I'd need way more than my hands to properly take part.

I'd need most of my body to take part in this, in fact. Was she really offering to…?

I felt Yalran smile eagerly at my realisation. ((Well? Want control?))

She was offering this! She really was! I beamed inside at the realisation, and Yalran beamed right back at me in turn. She was sitting down now with Helen and Caleb either side of her, and all three of them were busily filling their respective machine with quarters.

((Y-yeah,)) I stammered. ((Yeah! But, how much control are you going to-))

She let go of my body in one big go, her presence around my thoughts suddenly retreating away. Like before, I hadn't even fully noticed that presence before it was already gone: those faint traces of emotions, those faint impressions of thoughts that were not my was surprisingly disorientating to lose it, and I almost reached out to her right there and then, before reminding myself that she'd surely be back all too soon.

I blinked a few timed, and then I focussed on the screen in front me. I gripped the steering wheel and toyed with the pedals beneath my fit. I tried tensing my arms and legs, and even played with blinking my eyes one-by-one. She'd really given me everything! She'd given me everything, right out here in the open, right next to-

I saw and felt myself twist my neck, taking in Caleb and Helen in turn. And then, I heard myself speak: 'So? Everyone ready?'

'I guess,' Helen replied, sounding anything but "ready".

'Ready,' Caleb said, a confident grin plastered over his face.

And then, I was looking straight ahead again, all-too-aware now of the limitations my yeerk had placed upon me. She had my neck, as well as most of my face, leaving me no way to easily communicate. I was free to move, it seemed, but not to talk.

I resisting the urge to roll my eyes. ((Really, Yalran?))

((Really.))

She said it gently, with a little mental smile thrown in for good measure, but it was obvious that there'd be no arguing with her here. Her presence around my mind was back now, and I somehow knew that it wouldn't recede a second time. And so, I just settled down and played, intent on enjoying this little moment for however long it lasted.

The moment lasted awhile, as it turned out. And I did enjoy it, very much. In almost no time at all, my inability to talk barely felt like it mattered. I was too busy pressing pedals to the floor, too busy swerving around corners, too busy doing my utmost to pass Caleb and wipe that grin of his right off of his face. I didn't manage it, as it turned out, but I had a great time trying.

Helen was quiet while we played, too busy concentrating to do much else, but Caleb and Yalran both kept right on talking. It was strange to hear my voice used like that, but it was easy enough to put up with. It was strange to hear Caleb speak so much, too. He was so quiet, normally, but he wasn't at all quiet now. He seemed comfortable, just then, and far moreso than he almost ever was.

Exactly once, I turned my attention to Yalran herself. I could feel her there, observing me from within my brain, but she was being strangely quiet with me - and when I did reach out, she backed off without saying a word, like a frightened animal retreating from a human hand. She came back as soon as I turned my focus away, and I decided to just ignore her as best I could - one more little thing for me to put up with.

We all decided to move on, after a while, and in barely any time at all we were standing in front of a completely different cabinet. Yalran had let me keep my body as we moved over, though she continued to handle all the talking. Through the screen, we watched hoards of fake-looking zombies were run toward the camera, making a range of roars and groans. A pair of plastic guns sat in holsters at the front of the cabinet, just waiting to picked up and used.

((Hey, can I play this one?)) Yalran asked. She was trying to sound casual, but she was failing - and badly.

((Uh, sure,)) I went. ((Go ahead.))

Yalran practically crashed into me in her scramble to take control. She took my entire body in an instant without saying a word to me, and then eagerly filled the machine with coins. Soon after that, she pulled the gun prop out of its of holder and happily took aim, as a fresh wave of zombies began to fill the screen.

((Hey, Yalran?)) I asked. ((What was that about?))

((What was?)) she replied, a little bashfully.

((You're almost never that quiet. And you seemed in such a hurry to take over, just then. What's up?))

She kept on playing as we spoke. She bit my lip softly and kept my eyes completely focussed on the screen in front of us, a true picture of concentration.

((Oh, nothing's up,)) she said

She was trying to sound casual again, and she was doing a much better job this time. Even so, I wasn't fooled even for a second.

((You were nervous, weren't you? Because I had my body where people could notice me, right))

She shot down a trio of zombies with three perfect shots to the head.

((Pretty much,)) she replied. She shrugged my shoulders a little, apparently forgetting for a moment that we were still out in the open. ((But, hey: it all worked out, right?))

After that, I let her focus on the game for a while. She ended up going way faster than I could follow, and I soon let myself zone out rather than trying to keep track.

It struck me as she kept playing that she'd fought in real battles, once upon a time. She'd fought many times as a Hork-Bajir Controller, from what little she'd told me, with both her own life and that of her Hork-Bajir slave on the line. What she was doing now must have seemed like heaven, after that.

I felt Yalran touch my mind again for a moment, and I could have sworn my head made a slight nod. ((Yeah, that was…this is better. Much better.)) She missed a shot, and found herself staring at a "game over" screen soon after, but she didn't seem to mind. ((Look, I'm going to let go once we're done here. I mean, fully let go. Just…don't try anything, okay?))

I nodded mentally. ((You know I won't.))

And so I waited patiently as Caleb took a spin against the zombies on his own. Yalran's thoughts were distant but present, and I could feel her steeling herself for what she was about to do. The prospect of handing full control to me here honestly seemed to frighten her, but I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Had I not already shown her that she could trust me with this? Did she truly still think I might try to rebel in some way?

But even in spite of her fear, Yalran did let go.

We were leaving the arcade by then, and I was ready for her when she did it. I managed to keep walking at exactly her pace, making the transition between us totally seamless. I walked along quietly and listened to Helen and Caleb talk, still not quite able to believe that I was really doing this.

'Want to go into the book shop later?' Helen said. 'I feel like I could spent half my life in there, sometimes. There always seems to be something new to read.'

'Yeah. Okay,' Caleb said after a short delay, having apparently now reverted to his usual quite self.

'Hey, you go to the movies often?' Helen asked him. 'Maybe we could all go one day.'

I opened my mouth to speak, but Caleb got in before me. 'Sounds good,' he said.

Ok, I thought. This is good. I can start talking soon. I can easily do this.

'Maybe on Sunday?' Helen went on. 'I don't think I'm doing much that day. And we'll probably be at the Sharing for most of Saturday, so that's out.'

I opened my mouth and then closed it, my heart beginning to race.

Helen turned her head towards me. 'Hey, so, about that.'

Oh, no.

Yalran took over immediately, shunting my consciousness aside and leaving me not the slightest time to protest. 'What about it?' she made me say.

'I've been thinking about full membership,' Helen said. 'And I want to sign up.' She sounded tentative at first, but became less and less tentative as she went on. 'Like, properly. I want to be a full member. Just like you!'

((NO YOU DON'T!)) I screamed. ((YOU DON'T WANT THAT! YOU DON'T-))

((Shush!))

I went quiet at once, cowed away by my yeerk's tone, even as Yalran forced my face to beam in mock happiness. 'Really?' she made me say. 'For real?'

'Yeah! For real!' Helen replied. 'I'm not going to stop going, so I should really join properly. And the full members all seem so nice!'

This was happening. This was really, finally happening. And there was nothing at all I could do to make it stop.

Yalran, when she next spoke to me, sounded like she wanted to run away and hide. ((You think I'm happy with this, Beth!? You think I want to be doing this? Now!?))

((Then don't do it! Just stop it, Yalran! Stop!))

But she didn't stop. And she wasn't going to stop. She was still making me smile easily, still making me describe all the ways in which the Sharing had changed me for the better.

Oh God, did I want to fight just then. I wanted so much to push through her control and shout out some warning, any and all consequences be damned. I wanted to tell everyone what was going on under this town, of the screaming desperate people huddled in their cages, of the threat facing each and every person on this tiny blue planet.

'You're coming this Thursday, right?' I heard myself say. 'You could become a full member then. Just ask me on the night.'

'Alright, I will!' Helen said. 'Thanks!'

'Caleb?' Yalran said 'You coming then?'

Caleb nodded. 'Sure. Sounds good.'

I waited for him to say more, to say that he too wanted to be a full member right away. He said nothing of the sort, though, and Yalran seemed happy to leave things at that.

They reached the food court soon afterwards. Everyone bought drinks, and Yalran bought one of her precious cinnamon buns. She probed at my thoughts as they went to sit down, keeping her own thoughts firmly locked away.

((Beth, I need to recruit. We need hosts. It's that simple.))

I didn't bother answering her. Right then, I didn't even care anymore.

((Man, what a drag,)) Yalran said, lightly swinging my arms. ((This was going to be such a good day, you know? You and I were just going to go here and…and then your friends were coming with us and we were just going to…and then she had to bring up the stupid Sharing! She had to do that today, of all days! Why couldn't she just forget about it for once?))

I'd have been clenching my teeth hard, had I been capable of such things. Could Yalran really be that obtuse?

((Because you made her like it? Because you've been working towards exactly this? Come on, Yalran: what did you think was going to happen!?))

We were on our own now. Yalran was walking steadily away from the mall, but I assume she'd have let me do it if I'd asked. She, Helen and Caleb had all gone their separate ways, following a seemingly-perfectly-pleasant afternoon.

Yalran shrugged my shoulders. ((Well, whatever.)) Her voice, just then, sounded almost bored. ((It was bound to happen sooner or later, right?))

((Not if you hadn't gone and…and why do it, anyway? You wanted to be their friend, Yalran! And friends don't go around infesting each other or-))

((You think I don't know that? Come on, Beth, you know I can't just-))

((So you don't even want it,)) I told her bitterly. ((But you're going to do it, because some stupid sub-visser ordered you to recruit and you're too much of a stinking coward to…and would you quit that!? Just pick a level of control and stick to it already!))

Her level of control had been shifting like crazy, going from one extreme to the other in an single instant. One moment, I'd be completely numb, viewing the world through my eyes like a distant observer through the scene; the next, I'd be able to feel the slightest shift of my clothes against my skin, almost as if I was in control myself.

Yalran went still for a moment, as she settled on her usual loose grip on my actions. ((So, what, I'm supposed to not do it? I'm supposed to let myself get investigated? I'm supposed to let myself be starved?))

She kept my body relaxed as she spoke to me, even though she was clearly feeling anything but relaxed.

((And how else are we supposed to get enough hosts?)) she added sullenly. ((Seriously: how?))

((Oh, I dunno, share? Actually be honest? Let people go if they want to go?))

((Oh, sure, that'd totally work,)) Yalran replied in the most sardonic tone imaginable. ((If we want to be stuck as blind little slugs in the pools, anyway.))

She made me gaze up at the sky, then, as if to emphasise her point.

((Why would you be stuck there, though?)) I asked. ((People would just come to you. They-))

((Well you might, sometimes. But you're…you. And you hardly like being controlled, do you?))

((No, I don't,)) I answered. ((But…Yalran, it's like I said yesterday. It's not the control that bothers me; it's what you can do with it that bothers me! Like…like just now, in the mall!))

((So, what? You'd be okay with having me if I didn't recruit people? You wouldn't run away?))

That was a question I'd asked myself many times in the preceding days. It is a question I still ask myself now.

((Well, you'd have to actually share,)) I told her. ((And you'd have to let me be in control around people. And I would want to be on my own, sometimes. But…no. I wouldn't run.))

Yalran crossed my arms then, her hold on my movement still loose enough for me to feel it easily. ((I don't know. I still think you would.)) She watched a car on the road next to us as it passed by, her walk slowing almost to a stop. ((I mean, you're not really sure, are you?))

I could hardly deny it. After all, she was in my head just then; she couldn't not know exactly what I was thinking.

((Besides,)) Yalran went on. ((You're only saying it now because you've been with me. You didn't want it at the start. You tried to run when you found out about yeerks, remember?))

((Well, yeah! That was a lot to drop on me at once, don't you think? We're space slugs! And we run the Sharing! And we want your body! What was I supposed to do? Accept it?))

Yalran shrugged my shoulders. ((Others did.))

((Well maybe I'd have done too if I'd known at the start! And if you weren't trying to take us all over! And if you-ah! Yalran!))

She was digging into my mind, and digging hard. Her presence was everywhere, inside my mind and out. The world around me seemed more and more distant. It was a sensation I knew all too well.

((Hey, Yalran, what-HEY!))

I must have angered her! She was going to punish me! She wasn't even letting me say "sorry"! She was…she was…

She was doing nothing of the sort, I realised. The usual rush of memories was nowhere to be found. In their place was an image of a yeerk: a green-grey yeerk, swimming through clear liquid, slowly propelling itself forward with little scrunch-thrust motions. It seemed to twist in front of me, revealing long wriggling palms along its underside.

((Yalran, what is this?))

This was no memory, nor was it even a daydream. I'd only ever caught the briefest glimpses of yeerks outside of their hosts; I'd never seen them at anywhere near this level of detail.

((It's what you'd see if you actually looked at us,)) Yalran said, her tone distinctly bitter. ((It's what you'd know we looked like: a big disgusting slug, swimming in the sludge. A big fat slug that can control your movements and see your thoughts!))

The yeerk turned to face me. It pushed itself closer to me, and then closer still.

((You're saying you'd let this in, Beth? You really believe, even for a moment, that you'd let this in? That you'd see this thing, and let it into your ear? That you'd let it into your brain?))

Her voice was dripping with contempt, but I didn't think for a moment it was directed at me. Somehow, I just knew those feelings were directed at the yeerk - at herself, at her very own natural body.

((I…)) I said. ((I'd…I mean…))

And then, as soon as it had started, it was finished. I was back in the real world watching Yalran pilot my body. There was a little bus stop in front of us - one I often used when coming back from he mall - and Yalran was heading straight for it.

((Of course you wouldn't,)) Yalran told me. ((No-one would. Why would they? Why share perfectly good body when you can just keep it for yourself?))

I tried to sigh, having honest-to-God forgotten that Yalran was still in charge of such things. Yalran noticed that, and immediately stopped in her tracks.

((Hey, want control right now?)) she asked, her tone suddenly gentle.

((Please.))

Yalran slipped back, and I smoothly took over. I sighed to myself - for real this time, and went to sit down at the bus stop. Much as I'd have loved to just walk my way home and stay in control longer, it was already getting late.

((Want to get on, when the time comes?)) Yalran said.

((The bus?)) I asked, my mood suddenly brightening.

((Yeah. That.))

I replied to her immediately that, yes, I did.

And so, when the bus arrived, I was standing ready for it with a big fistful of change. I hurried onto the bus and then stopped abruptly in front of the driver.

'I'll have a one-way ticket, please,' I said.

I was smiling way too much as I said those words. That driver must have thought I was out of my mind. And right then, I didn't care about that one single bit.