şafaktan önce karanlık

Blair rolled over in her bed, seeking the heat that had kept her so wonderfully warm all night. A dull throbbing in her temples as she turned her head, she only felt a little hungover. Then, her eyes flew open.

Gone.

Chuck was gone. She felt the sheets, looking for proof he had been here. There was the faintest trace of his heat from where he had laid behind her; he had stayed the whole night. Her mind spun backwards, through the up and down of intense emotions that last night had been. Under the cold morning light, none of it made anymore sense. The teasing, the kissing, the ravishing in the hallway, the argument; Blair clutched her head. And now he was gone. The coward!

Tossing her covers aside, Blair grabbed her hairbrush and tugged it through her hair. She watched it in the mirror, bouncing back, fairytale princess-like, into a neat cascade of curls. Dropping the brush, she grabbed her ruby ring from her vanity and shoved it on, at the same time as her pumps from last night. Pulling a long winter coat from her closet, she flew down the stairs and out of her building.

Fate must have been on her side today. As she stormed down the hallway of the 18th floor of the Palace, room service was leaving his suite. She pushed past the person before his door swung shut and stood center stage in front of his sofa set, blocking the TV.

He and Nate were laid out, a cloud of smoke above their heads. The food was spread on the coffee table, including their mandatory bowls of Lucky Charms, and The Godfather played on the large screen TV. Blair didn't care about that; she only saw Chuck in her fury. Of course he was smoking, hiding from her, from them. She began to pop open the small row of buttons on her pretty red coat, his eyes gazing up at her, confused by her sudden appearance.

"I don't understand what you are trying to do anymore." Blair threw the coat off of her shoulders, the heavy wool falling to the ground.

Chuck swallowed hard. Her underwear matched her dress from last night; the same black lace pattern over nude material. The strapless bra cupping her breasts, the pretty underwear was black underneath black lace fabric that hung down from the garter belt, the soft edging stopping short a few inches of bare skin before her black stocking began to run down her legs.

Chuck sat quiet, stuck between being baked and shocked. Nate was shocked too, but that didn't stop him from whispering, "Uh, dude. Blair looks hot. I don't… I don't really think I should be seeing this? Serena would kill me."

"You don't speak to me- you don't even look at me!" Blair gestured to her beautiful body. "Then we go to this ball at your request, and at rehearsals you acted like a person- like you cared! And…last night. What was that? You kiss me like that, ask me if I can be the girl worthy of being your girlfriend. Prove it, you told me. Prove what? Do you even know anymore? And respect? Because that's what this is, is it? You felt respect for me when you took me home, carried me to my bed and let me fall asleep in your arms?"

Blair was disgusted; he just laid there, showing nothing- had he even heard her? She hastily picked up her coat. Her fury wasn't waning in the least, "And it was all for what? So you could leave!"

Saying all this out loud, to his face, only made it all worse, made it all the more real. Even more enraged in the end, she picked up a fist full of Lucky Charms and hurled them at Chuck. Not to forget how polite she was expected to be, she turned, slipping her coat back over her shoulders and said with a pretty smile, "Good to see you, Nate," before leaving as quickly as she had arrived.

"Man." Nate muttered a couple minutes later.

"What?" Chuck grumbled.

"You…left that?" Nate sounded floored.

"Do you need to go find Serena?" He replied before taking a long draw of his joint.

"Maybe…"

The truth was Chuck felt torn. Even more so after her little appearance in his suite. That was his Blair- but was that really her? They had stumbled a bit at the ball, but their teasing, their passion, even her outburst. It made his heart race to see her in her unrestrained perfection at his side. But would she be meek when Monday arrived? Was she finding her own small happiness to hold on to when he wasn't there? Chuck was determined to look for a sign.

That week after the ball showed Blair coming back to herself. She wasn't about to defy Queen Serena, but she pushed back harder against the minions when they tried to come after her. And the minions? They backed down. Blair walked down the hallway with her shoulders straight and her head held high. As he watched her, he knew something was still missing…

Valentine's Day. Blair could never remember it sucking so much before. But then, she supposed that's because she never wanted to be with anyone before. And Chuck was still aloof; she was so fed up with that whole thing. But she still tried to treat herself well on this day of love. Red little pumps, white stockings, her school skirt, and a warm, tasteful black cardigan buttoned all the way up.

She held her breath, waiting for disappointment when she opened her locker that morning. While exhaling, she let the door swing free and then promptly quirked her eyebrow, confused. A slim box waited for her inside. Opening it, a thin, bright red headband laid inside.

The Queen has been

missing something lately.

x

Blair slid the headband into place and tucked the note in her bag. She had not planned to risk exposing herself to him today. The ball had left her feeling weary of her masochism. But now…she felt like maybe The Queen should thank him for his gift?

At lunch, Chuck caught Bruna…something or another, trying to catch his eye. Casually, he walked down the hallway he had seen her heading towards. She was leaning against the wall by the men's room at the end of the hall.

"Bruna, I didn't think you were one of those girls." He smiled. He didn't think she was, so really he was just curious.

"I…I'm not! But I think you might need to…" Her eyes flickered to the door.

"Do I?" Chuck smiled in thanks. It was cute how flushed she had become just having to talk to him.

He pushed through the door, half expecting one of the sluttier girls to be sitting on the counter with her underwear already on the floor. But… he didn't see anyone at the counter. He really didn't see anything except a blur of black and white before he was being kissed. Kissed by a mouth he knew better than any other. He sighed a little, "Blair…"

He slid his hands around her waist and moaned at the feel of her skin. She had unbuttoned her demur little cardigan for him. He kissed her harder for it.

"How did you know," Blair breathed between kisses, "That it matched my lingerie?"

Chuck pulled his head back long enough to get a proper look at her. The headband in her hair perfectly matched the beautiful red balconette pushing up her breasts.

"Fuck, Blair." He leaned down and began kissing her again.

She let him for another minute, before her hands curled around his and pushed them from her waist. "Thank you, Bass."

He was so dazed, he barely opened his eyes in time to see her buttoning up the cardigan as she sauntered out of the men's room. Chuck growled at himself and pulled a hand through his hair. What was he going to do?

Another week began. Blair focused on herself and tried not to think about whatever it was going on with Chuck. Chuck? He just kept waiting for a sign. He didn't want to cave in only to watch it all turn to ash.

And then, something interesting happened that Tuesday. Because Blair had always had her high status, everything was a trade. Even exiled, escaping the minions was trading threat for threat. No one did anything just because. You did it because. But that Tuesday…

She went to touch up her lipstick and lipgloss in the bathroom only to discover it occupied a sobbing mess she vaguely recognized as Sabrina McMillan.

"Um, I'll only be a minute…" Blair mumbled as she pulled out her new Chanel lipstick.

"What is this haircut? And these highlights? They are suppose to be caramel highlights!" The girl bemoaned in the mirror.

"Let me see?" Blair pulled the girl towards her, "Hmm, you should go somewhere and have it fixed- this length isn't good, and the color could be better. But for now…"

She looked thoughtfully at the girl for a moment. Since Chuck had given her the red headband, Blair had begun wearing headbands again. The white one she was wearing today would help. She pulled it from her head and tucked it over the other girl's hair. Turning her back to the mirror, Blair said, "There. Better! You should pass any scrutiny for the rest of the day at the least."

Sabrina watered up again, "Blair…"

Then it hit like Cyrus. Sabrina was hugging her tight, "Thank you so much!"

With the flash of a smile, Blair watched the other girl exhale happily and walk back into the hallway. Alone at last, Blair returned to the task at hand. But as soon as her pout was perfect once more, she found herself smiling. It had felt good helping Sabrina.

That happiness had carried Blair through the day. The feeling must have been magnetic, because Chuck had felt it. What he saw when he snuck into the auditorium that afternoon was bright and beautiful.

Blair was trying something new. The projector screen had dropped and she had hooked up her laptop to stream video. She sat next to the screen, playing along with another cellist. Well, the video of another cellist, playing an adaptation of the Bach Prélude. He had such joy on his face, a happiness and passion for his music while he played. And as Chuck glimpsed from the screen to Blair playing along, he saw the same expression on her face. If she tripped over a note, she laughed, her whole being light in this little world she had made on stage. He watched her, completely enraptured; her movements, the beautiful music, the light playing in her hair as she bowed to the delightful sounds she made.

Quite simply put, he was stunned by her brightness; never had he seen her shine like this. As the piece came to a close, Chuck stumbled back into the hallway before Blair might notice him. Having escaped discovery, he leaned back against the wall, and stared at nothing in particular. All he could think was that Blair was happy. No scheme, no cruelty, nothing to do with anyone but herself and she was…happy.

The next morning, Chuck approached the Queen, where she sat perched above her minions on the Met steps. The oddity of it was not lost on anyone as they gaze down at him.

Serena spoke, as was her right, "Chuck Bass."

"I thought you should know," he met her gaze, "soon."

Serena stood and dismissed her minions. "Talk amongst yourself, think of some punishment for Kati. This is private business."

The pair walked to one of the stone benches along the edge of the park and 5th Ave.

"It took you long enough," Serena teased.

"It wasn't exactly up to me, was it?" Chuck rebuffed.

"How soon?" Serena's voice almost sounded pleading.

"I don't know. I'm still a bit at a loss. Yesterday…" Chuck saw Blair so brightly in his mind, the smile on her face.

"Yesterday?"

"I don't ever think I've seen her that happy, Serena." Chuck shoved his hands in his pockets as he leaned back.

"She's grown then? Our sweet Blair has come out of hiding?" The blonde smiled at the thought of having her best friend back.

"Whatever is happening, I can tell you I'm weakening. Ten weeks of hell is what I've been through. She grows more beautiful everyday and I can't take this separation much longer. Years, Serena. We were so close before either of us knew it and I miss her." Chuck looked much cooler than he sounded.

Serena tried to check his feelings a little, "You missed her well before this blew up. And it's been hard on all of us. Either way," she gave a devious little smile, "I'm going to enjoy watching you crack."

Chuck groaned.

Serena elbowed him in reply, "Oh, the headaches you two are going to cause me!"

"Right, we're done now." Chuck stood up, giving the Queen a small little smile for truly, she was happy at his news and all that it meant was coming.

Thursday morning, the minions were busy with their tasks and Serena was enjoying being in love. She and Nate made a shining, almost sickening, scene in the courtyard together. He sat on one of the tabletops while Serena leaned happily into him. Blair still gave the Queen plenty of space, so as she arrived at school, she skirted around them, hiding in the shadows, to avoid any potential confrontations. Her ears were keenly listening for any threats as she edged past their table. But it wasn't a threat that began to make her ears burn.

"… I love who I am with you, Nate Archibald."

Blair's feet slowed to a stop at Serena's words, causing her to instantly think of Chuck.

"You've never made me something I'm not; you've only made me stronger, you've made me better."

Blair held her head low as she as she eavesdropped, turning a little to watch as Serena dropped sweet kisses onto Nate's mouth. She felt her mouth tug into a small smile, a little bit of empathy mixed in with her envy at the sight. Lifting her eyes, she saw Chuck standing across from her, on the other side of the courtyard. That tiny smile gave up its hope as she stared at him. All she could think was why isn't that us?

Chuck pulled back into his shadows, breaking their gaze. He felt the pain of it shooting through his heart. That should be us. Oh, her face… He saw what he felt inside reflected on her face. Soon. So very soon.

The day felt a bit shaky under her feet after that. By the time classes were through, she tried to play her cello. But it wouldn't work; she couldn't focus. So she gave up and setting her cello aside, she turned on some music. She laid on the stage and closed her eyes, trying to escape as she let her thoughts float on the waves of Beethoven's soothing Piano Concerto Number Five.

With a deep breath, Chuck pushed the auditorium door open. Instantly, he was startled to not find Blair playing her cello. The gentle sound of a piano playing wafted over the sound system, swells of orchestration accompanying it, and he gazed at the odd sight of Blair lying on the stage. She seemed to be somewhere else, not registering his presence at all as he walked towards the stage.

He had heard once that Beethoven's composition were considered scandalous and erotic during their day, but Chuck had never really understood it before. However, as he gazed at Blair, the rise and fall of her chest under her simple white blouse, and the way the pleated skirt fell against her legs, the music seemed to be urging him on. He found himself deep in a fantasy as he looked at her.

In his mind, she lay there, oblivious to him, just like now. Only she opened her shirt, possessed by her desire, she needed to touch herself, feel herself. Her hands skimmed over her breasts, her stomach, her need only growing stronger from the attention. She spread her legs wide and mercilessly plunged her fingers into her wanton body. He saw the pleasure on her face, the pink tinging her cheeks. But it wasn't enough and he imagined tasting her again. His hands on her thighs, his mouth on her, his tongue buried deep inside her, drinking her in. The moans he would draw from her, how he would make her squirm with delight.

The music in his ears began a slow, throbbing ascent. And now that wasn't enough for him. He knelt over her on that very stage, the bright lights shining in her eyes as she gazed up at him. The notes pulsed in his ears, pulsed in his blood as he imagined being between her thighs, her body open to him, waiting for him. His movement matched the driving sound of the music. He pushed into her, a little bit. Then, a little more, gentle but more, a little deeper…and deeper still, he grew closer. The music intensified and he sighed in the moment, imagining that right then, it had finally happened. He had joined with her.

Chuck's eyes blinked open and he felt a little dizzy, the music having grown softer and a little hazy. Blair still laid their quietly, untouched, in her own world. He drew back into the shadows, afraid of the severity of his desire. Could he really do this? Chuck was suddenly very afraid of himself.

Blair had hoped the music would help her relax and untangle her thoughts; but it didn't. As much as she wanted Chuck, she felt weary with all of it and half wondered if she should give up and move on. Trying to 'prove it' for over two months had gotten her nothing short of a frustrating, confusing night with him at the Opera Ball.

She walked home trying to come to some sort of a decision. As she climbed in the elevator, she pulled out her phone.

"Mom."

"Blair!"

"I'm sorry, I know it's getting late…"

"No, I was just leaving the atelier. Is something wrong?"

"I…don't know."

"Either it is or it isn't usually." Eleanor chuckled a little.

"It's a boy."

Eleanor cleared her throat, taken a little by surprised, "Okay."

"We've been back and forth and… we've never even been a couple or anything and," Blair sighed. "I don't know if I should just give up at this point."

"I'm going to give you the best advice there is when it comes to people- especially those you care for. You need to talk to him. If anything to say your part, to share your feelings. At least then, if nothing comes of it, you will have said your part and can be at peace with it."

Blair kept quiet as she turned this idea over. The last time they had spoken, she had yelled at Chuck while he was high. That…wasn't really a conversation.

"Thank you, Mom. I think I might try that. Say 'hi' to Cyrus for me?"

"Of course. If he's what you want, don't let him get away."

Blair smiled as she hung up the phone. She had just walked into her room and as she looked around, she pondered her next move.

Straightening her shoulders and giving her wrist a little shake, the feel of her charm bracelet giving her strength, Blair stepped into Victrola. Friday night, the club was throbbing with bass and hormones. She felt she had chosen an interesting balance for her ensemble: Chuck's blue headband, a tight white dress, sexy yet innocent, and towering heels to make her feel stronger.

She didn't give herself time to hesitate, ordering a dirty martini and walking straight to Chuck's table. Blair was already nervous, but the sight of Chuck with his arm draped around some pretty little thing made the bile rise up her throat. The confidence she exuded sliding into his booth was most certainly not her own.

"Chuck."

"Blair?" The sudden hard-on in his trousers had nothing to do with the girl next to him.

"I thought it was time maybe we talked?" Her eyes slid to the third wheel.

Chuck drained his drink, fear causing him to panic. He had been so worried about Blair being strong enough, he was terrified to think he wasn't. "Then talk."

"Chuck…" She pleaded a little that the other girl be asked to leave. Fine, whatever. "It's been two months. I've tried to make amends, tried to be better. But I won't stay down forever- I won't wait forever. If you can't forgive me, tell me. Tell me so I can move on and stop playing this game." Blair had turned her attention as she spoke to the charm bracelet, stroking the blue enamel bow that matched the one on her headband.

He looked at her indirectly, still hiding in indifference. Chuck saw all of it- the headband, the charm, and heard her candid plea. She was exposing herself completely to him- he should know, he had done it to her months ago. Time to balance the scale at last. "After everything, I really don't know what you were expecting, Blair. I'd rather like to get on with my Friday night, personally."

Blair couldn't look away when he turned towards the rail thin blonde and kissed her. She gulped her martini to distract the riot of emotions tearing at her. Slamming the glass down, she left the table quickly, before Chuck and his female did anything more beyond sticking their tongues down each other's throats in front of her.

The thought occurred to her briefly to go home, but she didn't make it past the bar. Shots. Those sounded fun! The cute bartender seemed just to know exactly what she needed too, and in a few minutes all the boys were watching her. The attention was nice- she kind of it got now, why Serena enjoyed this so much.

The night soon became a bit of a blur and all the boys were so nice, dancing with her and having fun with her. At one point, she was up on the tabletop dancing with a particularly tasty one. Maybe he would do? After a little while, she found herself in a dark corner with him, not entirely sure how she ended up there. His hands were on her, he had her back up against a wall, and she swore there was more to this dress…

He went in to kiss her, and Blair in that moment saw it wasn't what she wanted. She was trying, but she liked who she was with Chuck. And this boy wasn't Chuck. "No."

"Come on, baby girl." He goaded her on.

"No!" Blair shook her head and tried to push against him. Damn, he was big, and her head was spinning.

"Don't play hard to get, you know you want some of this." He snaked an arm around her waist so she had to stop squirming so much.

"I'm not playing- it's about self respect! And I'd never go home with a sweaty oaf like you!" She shoved him hard and tried to kick at him.

Blair had some help as the jerk suddenly backed away. One of the bouncers had wrenched his arm back and it felt good to see him wiggle in discomfort. She hadn't expected to hear what she heard next.

"I think it might be time for you to leave my club. And I don't expect we'll be seeing you again." Chuck was standing off to her side, his eyes dark and dangerous as he took in the other guy.

At the sight of Chuck, the room really began to spin. Her breathing felt funny and…she just wanted to go; right now. "I…I need to go home."

Blair stumbled in her too tall heels and Chuck caught her. "Hold on. You probably shouldn't be alone tonight."

He lifted her effortlessly into his arms and she felt her head easily roll into his chest. She mumbled, "Alone is all I have," before everything went black.

AN: Just my poor edits this time. Chapter title translated into Turkish by desirecullen here on fanfiction, meaning 'Blackest before'. Lingerie is posted on my Tumblr, tagged with the story title to make it easier to find. On the Beethoven: Concerto No. 5 in E Flat Major for Piano and Orchestra, Op. 73 "Emperor": II. Adagio un poco moto. I was listening to Bernstein conduct, who is always preferable except, in my case, when Eugene Ormandy is conducting :)

Phew, rough chapter huh? Or was it just slow? I've read it too many times to know! If you're thinking Chuck was harsh at the end, try to remember what Blair had put him through. And his 'balancing the scales' thought isn't just talking about this scene, but what's to come in the next chapter, too. I know, I'm a tricky, mean old cow like that, lol. Any favorite lines this time? Or were you just enjoying Chuck fantasizing about doing Blair on the auditorium stage? -_^ Until next time- when you probably want to bring a fan. And perhaps a box of tissues? xoxo ~K