Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. I apologize for the longer than I wanted lag between updates. I had to finish a few of my other stories and a secret project (look for goodies from me on December 24). Also my parents came to visit which took away one of my weekends for prime writing time. However, I am now back to four stories and only a chapter away from finishing The Truth about Love. Therefore, I hope to stay on schedule again (barring getting distracted by another story).
From the comments for the last chapter I know some of you are very excited for the end of the email sections. There will probably only be one more section of all emails for the rest of the story, if I stick to my outline. Also if I stick to the outline we are probably only five or six chapters from the end of the story. Yes people, the end is near. Because much like last time what I had planned originally has been tossed out the window because the Muse wants what the Muse wants.
Can We Really Have This Conversation Sober?
Is Spock surprised his husband abandoned him at the first sign of his brother's presence? No. Such actions were completely logical given the fact that James was to meet Leonard McCoy in 3.2 minutes time at the establishment next door. Also considering recent arguments between the brothers, any interaction would take more than the 3.2 minutes allowed. In addition, Spock enjoys this particular coffee establishment and prefers not to be banned due to an altercation between brothers.
Is Spock deeply regretting his decision to come here instead of getting a manicure? No. He dislikes anyone else touching him other than James or Nyota. Being forced to make polite conversation with an individual that dislikes him is still preferable.
Spock is well aware that James' brother does not like him. They spent enough time together during James' incapacitation and hospitalization for that point to be very clear. He is well aware that the young man blames him for James' almost-death. Maybe during the worst of his depression he felt that it was completely his fault and therefore would allow Kevin to flagellate him without defending himself.
But with the assistance of Dr. Suarez and the realization that the volcano incident was purposely designed to entice both him and James to do something to jeopardize their Starfleet careers and subsequently allow for reassignment, thereby creating a situation that would facilitate war with the Klingons, Spock no longer sees the situation in those terms. He did not participate in the conspiracy; therefore he is not responsible for James' death. (The current cocktail of antidepressants he was on was helping immensely, along with repeating that at regular intervals as well.)
At the same time, Spock is logical enough to know that time with Kevin would undo all progress made with Dr. Suarez regarding his guilt. However, after 16 years with hostile peers that saw his human heritage as a disadvantage, Spock was well prepared to interact with people who dislike him. Therefore Spock went into the establishment, passed by Kevin without acknowledging him, ordered a hot chocolate with a double shot of syrup and a chocolate swirl on top along with a triple chocolate chunk brownie, and sat off to the side with PADD in hand. He hoped Kevin would just ignore him until James returned. He had several emails to return regarding the Vengeance Incident anyway. Work would keep him highly distracted.
Of course, halfway into his brownie, a young woman with curly hair, who had been sitting with Cadet Kirk, sat down in the seat across from him. Spock vaguely remembered Cadet Simmons from his Intro to Computer Programming class three semesters ago. He also remembered she was the only student upset by the fact that, in lieu of a final, they would all be graded on their work in the course so far, due to extenuating circumstances (also known as the fact that a great portion of their older classmates died in one of the greatest acts of terrorism in the Federation history). Spock also remembered her from James' hospital room. He believed that on two occasions she brought Kevin sandwiches and a change of clothes.
"So is it true that Vulcans can get completely wasted on hot chocolate or is that one of those culturally inappropriate urban legends?" Cadet Simmons finally asked. This question doesn't surprise him. If he remembers correctly, she was always one of his more inquisitive students.
"There is some truth to that. However, being partially of human heritage, I have a higher tolerance than most Vulcans. Also, because of that, I am slightly susceptible to alcohol," Spock replied curtly, taking another bite of brownie.
"So a mudslide is your drink?" the cadet smirked.
"Perhaps." He took another drink of hot chocolate.
"So how many brownies would it take for you to be able to have a civil conversation with your future brother-in-law?"
'7.3,' Spock thought to himself, but he does not say this out loud. "I have been civil."
Cadet Simmons gave Spock the exact same expression Nyota does when she does not believe him. It was slightly disconcerting to see the expression on the face of someone else.
"I mean, for you to be able to have him yell at you and not punch back or do that nerve pinch thing. Is that another urban legend?" the cadet asked parenthetically.
"There is some truth. I have no desire to use such a move on James' brother." 'Unless he does something ill-advised like make another pass at Nyota.' Again, that part was left unsaid.
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'm well aware he's been a dick," she said a little bit louder than necessary.
There was a mumbled "I can hear you," from Kevin in the background. Cadet Simmons proceeded to glare at him.
"I can understand why he was upset and blamed me for James' incapacitation. It is the number one responsibility of the First Officer to protect his or her Captain and I am the first one to acknowledge that I was remiss in this duty," Spock said as a means to excuse Kevin's behavior.
"Due to a major conspiracy and the fact that your fiancé has a death wish," the cadet added quickly. Spock wondered exactly how she knew this highly classified information. "My guardian is a Starfleet admiral. Actually, she is the Starfleet admiral right now, Ming-Na Chan. No, she didn't actually tell me anything. I still live at home, partially because my guardian believes I will do better not living in the dorms. Anyway, you'd be amazed what you overhear in the middle of the night when everyone thinks you are sleeping," she explained without prompting.
"That still does not change…" Spock began, but he was cut off by Cadet Simmons.
"Yes, it does Professor -I mean Commander Spock. I know that you know that, but you're afraid to admit that to yourself. Kevin knows that as well, but he is the most stubborn individual I have ever met in my entire existence," the cadet said in frustration.
"Have you met his brother?" Because if Kevin is more stubborn than James, this could be problematic.
"Several times. He was my 'big brother' freshman year and I've been friends with Kevin for 13-going-on-14 years. I would argue it was a genetic trait but…" She trailed off, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that Kevin and James were not related by blood. The fact that Cadet Simmons knew Kevin for so long most likely meant that she either knew him prior to the Tarsus incident or she was there. The latter seems more likely considering she refers to Admiral Chan as her guardian, not parent.
"In this case it would obviously have to be a learned behavior," Spock commented, deciding not to ask her where she had made Kevin's acquaintance. Such a question would be extremely rude at the very least.
"Yes, a learned behavior that is making my best friend completely miserable. Kevin looked like someone stole his puppy when Jim ran out of here without even bothering to say hi," she half joked.
"I did not." Spock heard an annoyed Kevin remark in the background. That caused Cadet Simmons to turn around and face Kevin directly.
"Either come over here and join this conversation like the adult you're supposed to be and let Spock know why you're so frightened by his presence in your brother's life, or let me do all the dirty work because you have the emotional maturity of a toddler." She practically yelled that at Kevin. Most of the other patrons in the coffee bar were looking at them strangely. However, Kevin made no move to get up from the table.
"I thought so. Because it would be a miracle if Kevin Kirk acknowledged that he is afraid to lose his brother to his shiny new husband," she mumbled under her breath, but Spock felt there was a vast amount of truth in that statement. That would explain Kevin's behavior. It did contain some elements of jealousy.
"I am…" Kevin started to splutter out but didn't continue.
"Kevin, go back to drinking your latte and let the grown-ups work this out," she said just before returning her attention to Spock. Kevin made an inappropriate gesture at her that means 'fuck you' on at least seven planets in the Federation.
"Actually, he's going to keep listening in and I need to say my piece. Do you want to take a walk? There is a park nearby and I feel like feeding some ducks," she suggested.
Spock mostly agrees to go with her so that he does not have to deal with Kevin staring at him. Also, she may be one of the few people who has true insight into Kevin's mind.
"How much do you know about the circumstances of Kevin joining the Kirk family?" the cadet asked once they reached the duck pond, although Spock does not believe that there are any actual ducks in it. However, Spock does not have time to catalog the species of birds in the vicinity.
"He was adopted by Winona Kirk after her return from a mission on Tarsus IV and her decision to retire from Starfleet." Spock felt relatively comfortable telling her this since it was obvious that Simmons already knew this much.
"I don't know if I would see being forced out due to medical reasons as retirement," she said taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
"I am aware of what those medical reasons were," Spock replied darkly.
"Unless you were there, you have no idea what Tarsus was like." She tossed more corn into the pond. "Last semester I went over what happened in one of my command track classes. The whole account was so sugarcoated it made me sick. Sure, they talked about the famine, but they neglected to mention the rapes, murderers, and Starfleet only responding when they did because Mommy Chan told command to get fucked."
"You were there." Spock did not even bother to phrase this as a question.
"Yes." Simmons stared blankly at the birds for a moment before she started speaking again. "Back then, Admiral Chan was still Captain Chan and she defied Starfleet to get aid to the planet sooner. Just in time for Winona to kill Kodos for killing Sam. Kevin and I both saw that." She concluded by throwing another handful of grain at the birds.
"It's not even the worst thing I've seen and no, I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, after the dust settled, the captain became an admiral due to her willingness to do the right thing when her superiors decided to keep their head in the sand. She also became my foster mom because let's just say I was the only member of my family to survive and leave it at that." Cadet Simmons just continued to look at the birds as she spoke. Considering what he had read in the Tarsus file, what she most likely witnessed was traumatizing.
"And Kevin went with Winona?"
"Yes. Just like me, no one else in his family survived. During the chaos, Winona and Kevin latched onto each other. She needed a son and he needed a mom and I think they found that in each other. Sometimes, I think taking care of Kevin was the only thing that kept her grounded after her son was murdered.
"Afterwards, Kevin, Jim and Winona created this strange new little family together. Although considering everything with Winona, Jim and Kevin became very close. For a long time it was just the two of them, and then you came along and now the dynamic is different. Maybe Kevin is just a little afraid that now that Jim has you, Jim won't need him."
"I see." As he had predicted earlier, Kevin was afraid that Spock would take his place. That was a ridiculous notion.
"I don't think it's possible to understand unless you have lived through something like that. To lose everything, your entire family, and then get some of it back only to become terrified at the mere thought of losing everything again. You can't know what it's like until you've lived through it." That statement angered Spock because although he was not there on Tarsus, he had lost everything.
"I watched helplessly as the planet of my childhood was destroyed along with most of my species. Moments earlier I beamed down to the planet to rescue my mother only to have her slip out of my grasp seconds before we were beamed away to safety. After dealing with such a profound loss, I started to put my life together again and I fell in love with James Kirk. Then, because of people like Alexander Marcus, I almost…" Spock stopped speaking. They were essentially forbidden to talk about James' death, not only because of the means used to bring him back, but because of the ongoing investigation.
"I know what happened to your Jim."
"Another conversation of your guardian that you overheard?" Spock questioned.
"Kevin told me. He kind of spent the night crying in my bed." Spock gave her a strange look.
"Not like that. We have known each other for too long to see each other like that, or at least for him to see me like that. He still sees himself as God's Gift to Womankind." Cadets Simmons rolled her eyes again.
"So I have been informed."
"I know about that too. And you're right, you do get where we are coming from more than a lot of people. And because you get what's really going on, I implore you to reach out or at the very least be patient with him."
"I'm not sure if there is time to be patient. James and I will be going to the courthouse in two days' time for a civil ceremony," Spock explained.
"For tandem assignments right?"
"Yes."
"Good idea. That will make it a lot harder for – – never mind. It's better that you don't know." The young cadet shook her head.
"I believe you are right."
"I'm always right." She smirked at Spock.
"What else can I do to convince your friend that I do not plan to take his brother away from him?"
"I'm not sure, although making sure he is invited to the civil ceremony would likely be a good step," she said just before looking at her communicator.
"I feel that James should make that overture. However, I am not opposed to Kevin being there."
"Valid point. And where is your future husband?" Simmons asked.
"In the restaurant next door to the café, having appetizers with Dr. McCoy."
"Perfect," she said before placing a call.
"Hey Kevin… Seriously, Kevin! You are acting like a toddler… Your future brother-in-law is not the devil. He is kind of nice… No, he's not trying to take your brother away from you." At that point Simmons is rolling her eyes. She also mouthing the words 'see what I have to deal with.'
"I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Ming is going to be busy tonight doing admiral things and I don't want to cook. Do you want to get some take away from next-door, my treat?" Simmons suggested.
"Yes, you can get up and go over there to order for me. You owe me for talking to the big bad brother-in-law. Just order me the honey maple boneless wings with the sweet potato fries and you can get whatever you want. Okay, and I want chocolate lava cake. Thank you." She was smirking by the time she hung up.
"What did you just do?" Spock asked concerned.
"Forced Kevin to deal with his life head-on. We should probably take a few more laps around the pond."
Spock decided it was best to agree with her. James needed a few minutes alone with his brother.
Jim always felt that he and Bones have a really easy relationship. There was never really any awkwardness between them (as long as you don't count that time that Jim was convinced that Bones was fucking Spock's girlfriend, due to Spock's legendary bad communication skills). There couldn't be any awkwardness when the first time you met somebody involved them throwing up all over you because they're a complete mess from the divorce from hell. There's just no way you can beat that in the grand scale of awkward things.
They've gone through a lot together, from custody battles to dysfunctional family meltdowns. They've shared secrets and honestly, Leonard McCoy is one of the few people that he actually trusts that he is not related to by marriage or adoption. For the last four years Bones has been his other brother. The only people Jim is closer to are Kevin and Spock, and Kevin is being a dick right now.
And yet here they are, staring at a plate of super spicy maple glazed wings at the good bar, unsure of what to say to one another. Jim doesn't want to talk about the fight that broke out before everything happened. Dying sort of changes your perspective on a lot of things. And it was stupid, just so stupid. Jim doesn't even remember what they were really fighting about, although it probably involved Jim being reckless. Now, he agrees that he was reckless, stupid even. Way too full of himself. You can't be like that when you're the captain. It took losing Chris and the warp core fiasco to get that through his head.
Jim definitely doesn't want to talk about dying. He wants to forget that entire mess ever happened. But he really can't forget about it because something like that changes you from the inside. It makes you reevaluate what's important. At the same time, Jim knows that he will dream about the warp core incident for the rest of eternity. Jim will always remember the pain of radiation poisoning and the broken expression on Spock's face as they said their goodbyes. He definitely didn't want to talk about that. It felt too fresh.
He couldn't even ask about Nyota because that was an emotional landmine even before the miscarriage. Okay, that may have been what caused the original fallout, or at least a contributing factor to the original fallout. And it didn't help that Bones is convinced that Jim took Nyota's side.
Now all these weeks later, things were even more complicated. Extremely unbelievably complicated. Of course, losing a child complicates things and maybe it's even a little worse because there is part of Jim that blames himself. He shouldn't have taken her on that mission. Yes, she didn't lose the baby until weeks after the Klingon incident, but still... It's been over a decade since Sam died and Jim still blames himself. Why should the situation with Nyota be any different?
It's not like Jim doesn't like Nyota, because he adores her. As he said in his letter earlier today, if she hadn't fallen in love with Bones, they would have tried to convince her to give polyandry a try. But she did fall in love with a grouchy doctor and Jim wanted them to work things out. They are good for each other. Jim knows that. In the four years that they've known each other, he has not seen Leonard as happy as he is when he is with Nyota.
Jim knows that they love each other; otherwise Nyota wouldn't have been as miserable as she was those first couple of days on planet before things went to hell. Jim is wise enough to know that what they feel for each other is deep and unconditional. He just wishes they would acknowledge it. Jim just wishes they would stop pretending that whatever they're doing is just fucking around, because it never has been. Okay, he wants to slap Bones upside the head and force him to get it back together, but this isn't the time for a forced intervention. Things were too messy and Nyota needed space.
He definitely does not want to start this conversation with a discussion about Spock. Okay, he would like to get it out of the way, but how exactly do you start that conversation? Can Jim just ask, 'Are you jealous of my almost husband because you want to fuck me?' He wasn't sure if he could, if he should ask that question. Also, he doubted that he would get an honest answer. Or if he did get an answer, it may not be something he would want to hear. What would he do if he found out that Bones really hated Spock because he wanted things to be more? Jim wasn't ready for that answer, at least not sober.
"This would be going so much easier if I could have a drink," Jim mumbled to himself as he grabbed one of the wings. Maybe they should have ordered the coconut shrimp instead. Technically there's a 50-50 chance that the coconut shrimp could trigger an allergic reaction, but if he did swell up like a balloon, at least this awkward meeting would be over.
"Probably," Bones said, taking another drink of the virginal fruit juice concoction that the bartender brought over. "But you can't have alcohol in your body until your entire system is better. Same with your favorite hobgoblin activities."
"So you're drinking virginal daiquiris or whatever as a sign of solidarity," Jim joked, because he wasn't touching the no sex thing.
"Because if I pick up a drink right now, I may not be able to stop, and I cannot afford to be out of it right now." Bones looked a little too long at the glass of wine the woman at the next table was sipping.
"Even with a hangover hypo?"
"That's not what it's about. I just feel like running away but…"
"But you can't run away because Nyota needs you."
"That and I have to deal with the vulture's lawyers in the morning. Shawn has been helpful." Bones took another drink. That may be the closest the doctor was ever going to get to apologizing for flipping out about getting baby Jojo a lawyer.
"I'm glad he could help. Shawn is brilliant like that."
"He's helping you with Winona?" Bones asked.
"He has been for years, every time she has an episode. Unlike you, she doesn't know when not to drown her sorrow in a nice bottle of Johnny Walker… Or Jim Beam or José Cuervo. That would be nice right now." Jim looked at his glass of juice. The silence was back.
"The wings are good but we should've ordered the mozzarella balls or at least the combo platter. I have to place an order of that for Spock..." Jim started to babble in hopes of starting another conversation. As soon as Jim said his sort-of-husband's name, Bones frowned just a little bit.
"I had to bribe Spock with food for him not to follow us. He's kind of emotionally needy and convinced that if I walk outside by myself I'm going to get hit by a …They have really good chocolate chip lava cake. Actually they have really good regular lava cake. You should bring one for…" That's when Jim Kirk realized that he was being a complete coward. That was not him. He was going to deal with all this fucked up emotional stuff head on.
"Okay I'm going to have to bring your girlfriend…" Bones started giving Jim a weird look. "Or rather not-a-girlfriend Lava cake after bringing this up, but we're both kind of wondering if you're so pissed off at Spock because…"Jim paused for a moment trying to figure out the best way to phrase this and then decided to just go for it. The worst thing that could happen would be Bones walking away and then this awkward dinner would be over. It was really a win-win.
"Do you want to fuck me and that's why you're pissed about Spock?" Jim was expecting a lot of possible responses to that, but uncontrollable laughter was not one of them. Bones didn't laugh like this.
"I was being honest. It wasn't that ridiculous of a question. You always get upset when I spend time with Spock. You also believe the stupid rumors…"
"I do not believe the stupid rumors, although I wonder if I should considering you propositioned Nyota."
"I was joking." Bones just gave him that angry look again. "Mostly. You would've been invited."
"Contrary to what you might think, not everybody wants to sleep with you and I'm one of those people. We are not all like you." The way he worded that just annoyed Jim.
"Contrary to what you think, wanting to have a four-way does not make me a slut. Actually, I've never been the slut you make me out to be. Just because I kissed a lot of people pre-Spock, everybody just assumes that I'm an easy target who has no trouble whatsoever getting down on his knees…" Jim was cut off by Bones.
"I know better than that. I also know about Gary." Honestly, Jim's chest tightened up just a little bit when he heard that name.
"I don't want to talk about Gary. How the fuck do you even know about Gary?" Shawn worked out a deal where Jim would not sue Starfleet Academy for their lax security and they would seal everything relating to the incident. Of course, that decision almost led to Gary becoming his commanding officer. Okay, maybe that was a bad deal, but Jim really did not want the entire campus to find out he was almost raped again.
"It came out during the hearings." Of course it was going to come out during the hearings. There were certain people in Starfleet that were trying to make this process as humiliating as possible.
"That's lovely. Now everybody knows about me getting almost raped by that sanctimonious asshole." Good thing Spock already knew and didn't care. That was one silver lining.
"I'm not everybody," Bones pointed out angrily. "I'm supposed to be your best friend and I didn't know."
"Maybe I didn't tell you about Gary because you think I'm screwing half the fucking ship," Jim told him defensively.
"I never believed that. That's just an excuse. The hobgoblin did know," Bones yelled. "He knows all your deep dark secrets and he knows all of Nyota's deep dark secrets, so what is there left for me to know? Everybody prefers him over me." Okay maybe there was something to this jealousy thing.
"Can I get you guys anything else?" their waiter interrupted, keeping things from exploding.
"A screwdriver," Jim mumbled under his breath.
"Without the screw, making that an orange juice and some Sprite," Bones shot right back.
"I really really hate you." Jim said it with a smile. Turning to the waiter, he added, "Also, can you get me 2 orders of the mozzarella balls, an order of the fried zucchini, the boneless honey maple wings, the coconut shrimp, and a chocolate lava cake. Actually, make that three lava cakes. That asshole over here has a lot of groveling to do."
"I would argue, but that's probably true. Actually better make that four. Carol and her girlfriend are most likely in the living room acting sugary sweet and probably would want food." That didn't surprise Jim. Rebecca coming back was probably one of the few things keeping Carol grounded. Everything with her father has been so fucked up. Finding out that she hadn't lost Rebecca forever obviously helped her deal with the pain.
"Add one of the pizzas too. Does Carol eat meat?" Jim asked Bones.
"You have been with the hobgoblin way too long." The doctor shook his head.
"40% of contemporary society is vegetarian or vegan," Jim retorted. This back-and-forth almost seemed normal, even if they were only talking about food. Anything was better than talking about Gary. He'd rather talk about dying than Gary.
"I saw her eating a hamburger. I don't know how she's so skinny. Make that two pizzas. One cheese lover and one Italian specialty. Nyota will devour the entire pizza on her own. If I can get her to eat." The frown from earlier returned.
"She hasn't been eating?" Jim asked in concern.
"Not well. Losing the baby has been…" Bones is cut off by the inpatient waiter.
"Anything else guys?"
"Make it to go," Jim directed. This way once the food arrived they would have an excuse to leave.
"Except for the screwless screwdriver?" the waiter queried.
"Of course. Although I wish you did a mudslide to go since I just left my boyfriend and my brother in the coffee shop next door." Bones laughed at that.
"You're going to need an extra cake," the doctor suggested.
"Which is why I ordered what I did. Put one lava cake, mozzarella balls, and zucchini in a bag for me. He gets everything else, but put it on my account." As soon as he said that the waiter left. Actually he ran. If they were not ordering so much and Jim hadn't had a reputation for being a really good tipper, they probably would gotten kicked out for their earlier argument.
"You don't have to. I can pay for…" Jim held up a hand to stop him. They really did not need another money argument right now.
"I know you're proud, but when I pay for stuff, I'm not doing it because I think you cannot afford it. Trust me, I know exactly how much you make. And even though child-support takes a giant chunk of it, because you're old lawyer was a joke..."
"No argument there," Bones interjected.
"I know you can afford a bunch of junk food for your not-a-girlfriend and her housemates, but think of this as my 'sorry my stupidity managed to lose you a kid' present," Jim joked, sort of.
"Christ, you're not actually blaming yourself for what happened? Things like this just happen."
For some reason Jim found those words hollow. "Dealing with this mess caused by..."
"Alexander Marcus being an asshole," Bones supplied.
"And my mom going off the wagon and me dyi…"
"Despite all our major advancements, 8% of all pregnancies still end in miscarriage. Was stress a factor? Probably. But you were no worse of a stressor than anyone else. Personally, I blame her mom and dad more than I blame you for the stress. I really don't blame you at all."
"So you don't blame me?" Jim asked again just to be sure.
"The only thing I blame you for is being a reckless fool who doesn't tell me anything," Bones deadpanned.
"That's not true," Jim said defensively
"You didn't tell me about Gary or your nightmares. I should have at least known about your history of past sexual assault for medical reasons. Plus those deep dark secrets were what the bastards used against you in this entire cluster fuck." Bones had a point there.
"I didn't tell anybody about the nightmares except for Dr. Suarez. I didn't even really tell Spock; he found out…"
"By reading your diary." The doctor snorted.
"No, reading my emails," Jim corrected.
"Same thing," Bones snickered. "By the way, thanks to your revenge payback, there are some things I now know about Nyota that I don't want to know."
"Weren't you just pissed off at Nyota and me for not telling you stuff?" Jim asked incredulously. "Did you ever think that her writing those letters to you was her way of telling you stuff, knowing full well that you may see it eventually? Unlike me, she actually knew it was possible you were reading this almost the entire time, yet she kept writing."
"That's not the point," the doctor spluttered. "I was pissed off at the fact that you tell the hobgoblin stuff that you don't tell me."
"Probably- definitely, but you're not exactly the most sharing person in the world." Bones just took another drink of his juice.
"You say you don't blame me, but how do you really feel about losing the baby?" Jim knew this was a loaded question, but this evening had been full of loaded questions.
"I told you that I couldn't drink anything. That's how I felt." Bones did not make eye contact.
"Then you stopped speaking and didn't go any farther. You barely tell me about anything going on with the custody fight or anything else like that. Communication is supposed to be a two-way street. I assumed that you were jealous of my boyfriend because you wanted to sleep with me because it was so hard for you to explain the real reason why you're jealous." Jim literally threw his hands in the air.
"I'm not jealous of the hobgoblin," the doctor scoffed. Jim just shook his head. He did not believe that for a second.
"I'm not. I just don't…" Bones just suddenly stopped speaking.
"What Bones? What are you afraid of?"
"Losing you, you gigantic toddler!" the doctor finally screamed. Okay, Jim was not expecting that response.
"What?" he asked, slightly surprised.
"I had to…" Bones closed his eyes. "You were dead."
"I know, but I'm not anymore."
"But you died. That's not something I can just let go of."
"I know."
"You know you're my best friend. Sometimes I think you're my only friend," the doctor said sadly.
"That's not true. You're very likable." Mentally Jim was coming up with a list of people that liked Bones. Surprisingly it was a long list.
"I think Carol likes you. Also I think her girlfriend really likes you."
"People I've known for barely a month do not count. I had lots of friends before the great divorce fiasco." Okay, that's what this was really about. Jim swore if he ever met Leonard's ex-wife he was going to knock her unconscious.
"Well, they weren't really your friends if they believe that bitch over you. Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I'm leaving you behind. I will always be your friend."
"You didn't send me a letter." Bones was not angry, just sad.
"I email you all the time," Jim told him, deliberately misunderstanding.
"That's not what I'm talking about. You did not send me one of your special letters before you decided to play big damn hero in the fucking warp core." Those letters would never stop biting Jim in the ass.
"I tried to write one. I couldn't do it." He had tried for a good 15 minutes, but he just couldn't do it and then it was time to leave. "It would just make things too…"
"Final."
"Yes, if I really did write that letter to you, that meant I was giving up and I wasn't ready to give up," Jim explained.
"Not until you walked into the warp core chamber anyway."
"Not even then. I was kind of hoping for a miracle and I got one."
"Despite an army of tests, we don't know all the side effects yet." Bones is such a doctor sometimes.
"I feel fine. Seeing no side effects. It's fine. I'm alive. I wish I could have sex again and some alcohol but…"
"You can't have kids." Bones cut him off with those shocking words.
"What?"
"I was going to wait on telling you until after your next appointment, after I get another set of data, but I don't want you to keep thinking that you escaped this unscathed. Your sperm count is..."
"Nonexistent, right?" Jim phrased it as a question.
"Essentially. It's one of those side effects of radiation poisoning."
"The serum didn't take care of it?" Jim asked, because he thought the miracle drug fixed everything.
"Not yet. But it could. That's why I didn't want to say anything until I could take another set of readings," the doctor explained.
"Still better than being dead." Jim finished his drink, seriously wishing it was something harder. So he couldn't have kids? That was okay. Babies are cute but starships are not child friendly, and he's already having enough trouble getting Starfleet to recognize his marriage to Spock. And even if Kevin turned out a little okay, he didn't share any of Jim's DNA. Anyway, Spock was the one who needed to reproduce, not Jim, and there are ways around that. They could deal with that later.
"A lot of things are better than being dead. It still doesn't mean that this is a good thing."
"It doesn't matter. I'm marrying Spock. Chances are we will be doing this the genetic engineering way anyway. Actually the wedding is going to be in two days. Do you have to wear a suit if you're getting married at the courthouse?" Jim said, changing the subject. You know things are bad when this is the alternative.
"You should. Was this the hobgoblin's idea? Is he terrified that you'll change your mind now that you are back on earth with more options?" Okay, that just pissed Jim off.
"And this is why I didn't tell you about Gary. You still think I'm a slut when…"
"I'm an asshole, don't take what I say seriously."
"I get that. It's not Spock pushing for this. It's me and the Bastards That Be," Jim explained with a sigh. "The ceremony is a legal maneuver to make sure we still get tandem assignments."
"I get it. If there was something I could do or someone I could marry to make sure I get custody of JoJo I would do it." Okay, maybe Bones understood this better than Jim thought he would.
"Legal maneuver or not, I still want you there as my Best Man. And you're right, you're wearing a suit because Spock's Best Person will be upset otherwise."
"You want me to be your Best Man and not Kevin?" Bones seemed genuinely shocked. "I thought that was the plan."
"No, you were always the plan. Besides Kevin is not… Kevin is less okay with Spock then you are and you refer to my future spouse as a hobgoblin," Jim said darkly.
"I think he's just as uncertain of his place in your life as I was."
"I'm trying to tell you that you're always going to have a place," Jim said exasperatedly.
"I get that. But tell him that." That's when Bones pointed to the door. Kevin was standing there with a latte in one hand and a take away menu in the other. Jim really hoped he wasn't coming in here after picking a fight with Spock or doing something stupid enough to get him kicked out of the coffee bar. Okay, Jim wished they had gone to the coffee bar for this slow conference because coffee is so much better than screwless screwdrivers.
"I'm going to go pick up my offering of junk food and you're going to go talk to your brother."
"Do I have to?" Jim whined like a toddler.
"Yes,"
"Can I have a regular screwdriver?" Bones just gets up from the table as he shakes his head no.
"So are we good?" Jim asked just as he started to walk away.
"No, but we are better."
"That's really all I can ask for." Jim smiled sadly.
"Go talk to your brother and send me an email with the wedding details tomorrow." He was literally pulled out of his seat and pushed towards Kevin. This was going to be such a 'fun' conversation. The lack of alcohol was so unfair.
XXXXX
To be continued