A/N: Thank you to Wenrom31, rohwyn, TinyToes, and bkwrm for reviewing the previous chapter. To bkwrm, especially, for leaving the 100th review to this story and for choosing the name and attributes of Allan's new lady friend, Rebecca.
Safe
Robin and the gang were returning from Clun and Nettlestone in very good spirits. The sun was shining, their deliveries had all gone well and so the hard-working villagers who depended on them had the help they would need in order to get through another few days, and the gang had even come up with a possible solution for handling the Marian situation. In short, life was good.
"Catch up with 'ya later then." Allan said as they approached the road to Nottingham Castle, where he would part from the rest of the group.
"I don't get it, Allan." Will said. "What's so special about the girls in the kitchen? It seems like every time I turn around these days you're running off to the castle."
"What? I like kitchen girls." Allan replied. "They're nice, they always seem to find a few scraps to spare, and they're privy to all the castle gossip."
"I thought that tavern girls were a little more your speed, Allan. They always seem so much more eager to—"
"Robin!" Much scolded.
"I was going to say socialize, Much." Robin grinned.
"Yeah, well maybe I'm not only looking for eager these days," Allan answered.
The gang all looked at him quizzically for a moment and then laughed heartily at his joke.
Only...he wasn't exactly joking.
Not that he was opposed to a little eagerness in a woman. Hell, the time was when that was all he'd been looking for. But lately, things had changed.
Fiery red hair and stormy hazel-brown eyes danced through his mind...mocking him.
He wasn't sure how or when—although he had his suspicions—but he'd kinda started to want...more. Or at least he'd started to think that maybe more was possible. He knew that the others would laugh even harder, though, if he tried to explain it. So he laughed along and said nothing.
Suddenly all laughter stopped when Robin said, "What the...Oh don't tell me."
Everyone turned to look in the direction he was staring.
"Is that Marian?" Much asked, although they could all see that it was, indeed, Marian riding towards them.
"She didn't!" Robin said angrily.
"Looks like she did, mate." Allan replied.
"I specifically ordered her to go with Djaq and meet us at the camp later on! Will the woman never learn? How is it possible for anyone to be so obsti—" Robin abruptly stopped when Marian got closer and he saw the state she was in.
Her clothes were torn and smeared with blood and she was absolutely filthy. She was crying and riding so fast that she could barely keep herself up in the saddle.
"Robin! Oh Robin! Thank God I found you!" She dismounted before the horse even came to a complete stop. Once free of its rider, the horse immediately turned around and galloped off, presumably back to its owner.
The gang rushed toward Marian with Robin in the lead. He grabbed her and pulled her close. She was shaking violently. "Marian, what in God's name happened to you? You're hurt. Who—"
"No, not me." She managed to choke out. "I'm fine. It's Djaq!"
"What about Djaq?" Will demanded as he instinctively reached for the axe at his waist. He could feel his blood start to run cold as fear wrapped its clammy hands around his heart.
"Oh Will! I'm so sorry!" Marian sobbed.
Djaq was dead...Allan had the distinct impression that someone had just reached into his chest and torn his heart out. He squeezed his eyes shut but all he could see were her laughing eyes and playful smile. How could they have let this happen? Had she been captured? Probably tortured if Marian's appearance was anything to go by. He felt sick. How much had she suffered?
Had she remained characteristically strong and stubborn until the end? Refusing to give up their stupid secrets? Or had she begged for her life and the life of her unborn child? He knew then that if it took him the rest of his life, he would find whoever was responsible for taking her life and he would make them pay. If Djaq was gone then what was the point of anything?
Allan's attention was immediately drawn to the strangled whimper that had been the only sound so far uttered by the man beside him. Will...
"Wh...what?" Much stammered. "It...it can't be." Not Djaq. She...she couldn't be dead. He'd just seen her this morning. She'd been eating her breakfast...and...and quietly talking to her belly. And now she was...
"No!" John shook his head. "No!" He balled his fists and railed at the heavens in a voice that shook with rage and despair.
"Marian, how?" Robin tried to calmly ask what the others must be thinking, but he was stunned and the hoarseness of his voice reflected that. He was also torn between grieving for Djaq and being incredibly relieved that the woman in his arms had somehow escaped the same fate and was still alive—and he felt horrible for it.
"No. Oh no. I'm sorry. She's not...she's not dead." Marian amended quickly, realizing her mistake and what they must be thinking. "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you think...but she's...she's trapped." Marian explained through her tears.
"Trapped where?" Robin asked, his instincts kicking in once he realized Djaq was alive. His gang needed him to focus and be strong. He knew that, wherever she was, they would get her back. He never allowed himself to forget the last time she'd been captured...the time the Sheriff had held her at the castle not long after she'd joined them...the time he'd let her and the rest of them down so badly. He'd vowed that it would never happen again!
Marian began to offer a very quick explanation for where Djaq was, including how and why they'd ended up trapped, how she'd managed to get out—accounting for her current disheveled appearance—and also why Djaq hadn't. Everyone was incredibly relieved to hear that Djaq was, at least, alive; but they were also extremely worried as they listened to Marian describe the predicament she was in.
But Will wasn't listening.
He hadn't heard a word that'd been spoken by anyone since Marian had sobbed that she was sorry. Djaq was dead. That was all he knew. She was dead and he may as well just lie down and join her. He'd failed her. Her and their child. He'd failed them both. They were his family and he should've kept them safe. That was suppose to be his job.
He'd been a fool. Walking around feeling so mature and so very proud of himself for letting Djaq decide everything for herself. 'Enlightening' the others as to how a good husband behaved toward his wife. Trusting her to keep herself out of danger. Trusting that she would keep herself and their baby safe. But how could she when he'd kept them trapped in a life fraught with danger? Where they lived every day as hunted animals? What kind of an existence was that for them? They'd deserved so much better.
He'd known that this life wasn't safe for a family but he'd simply chosen to ignore it. He'd figured they could handle it. But he now knew that he should've taken her far away from Nottingham months ago. He should have taken her to Scarborough...or somewhere else. Anywhere. He shouldn't have stopped her from going back to the Holy Land when she'd first told him she was carrying his child.
Oh...his child...
He'd been wrong to guilt her into staying. He knew that now. He should have let her leave. He would've missed her and it would've broken his heart to be without her everyday and to miss their child growing up...but at least they would be alive. Alive.
But she was dead.
That was all his mind could process. That he would never see her again. He couldn't possibly go on without her. Not now that he knew how it felt to be loved by her. To feel the warmth of her arms around him. To feel her cling to him when they made love. To look deep into her eyes and see...everything.
But he hadn't deserved her. Plain and simple. If he had, he would've protected her better. Instead he thought that he could have it all...Stay with Robin...fight for justice...be with Djaq...keep their baby safe...but he should've put them first. He didn't.
And so he'd lost them both.
All his thoughts began swimming together and nothing made any sense. Everything was blurry, sounds were muffled, he couldn't feel his hands and feet anymore. It was all...becoming...nothingness. He thought he could feel himself swaying...or maybe he was floating...
Then suddenly the ground tilted on its side and rushed up to meet him.
But before the expected impact, he was grabbed, tightly, and he heard a voice that he knew he was suppose to recognize.
"Hey hey. I gotcha. It's alright. You're alright." It was Allan. Allan was holding him upright and speaking soothingly...but he sounded so very far away. "Take a deep breath and calm down. We're gonna get her out. Nothing's gonna happen to her. Nothing."
"She...she's dead, Allan." Came Will's feeble and mindless reply from somewhere inside of himself. "Djaq's dead."
"No! No she's not. I promise you she's not! We just have to get to her, that's all." Allan was incredibly worried about his friend. He was, of course, also extremely worried about Djaq. More than he would even let on. But he'd seen the look on Will's face when Marian had blurted out that she was sorry.
Allan never wanted to see that look again as long as he lived. Even now, when he was trying to tell Will that Djaq was alive but she needed their help, he wasn't sure that there was enough of Will left in there to hear him or to understand. Allan remembered all too well Will's reaction when his father had been killed, and this must be so much worse.
"Snap out of, Will." Robin was saying gently but firmly. "Djaq's in trouble and she needs us. She needs you to focus and not fall apart. Okay?"
Will nodded his head slowly and tried to process what was being said all around him. "She's alive?" Was all he could manage to get out.
"Yes! But we have to get to Locksley Manor and make sure she's safe." Robin answered.
Djaq was alive. That was all Will needed to know. She was alive. He took off at a run toward Locksley and the others followed.
"Will, please. Wait up. We have to stop and think." Robin cautioned.
But Will only knew that he had to get to her.
"There's no time for that, Robin." Marian warned. "Guy or one of his guards locked us down there for who knows what purpose and they could come back at any time." The others all shuddered at the possibilities.
"No one locked you down there, Marian." Robin insisted impatiently as he jogged to keep up with Will. The others did the same.
"What do you mean? I just explained to you that—"
"That door locks on its own as soon as it closes. It always has. I knew what must have happened as soon as you told us about finding the door locked."
"Robin's right." Much confirmed. "We used to have to put something against the door to keep it from closing whenever anyone went down there. I remember once, when I went out after Robin one night, I forgot to put something in the door for when I came home and I ended up sleeping in the basement until a maid found me in the morning."
"But...why would anyone have a door that locks on its own?" Marian knew that the question was stupid and irrelevant at such a time, but it suddenly seemed so absurd and illogical to her that she and Djaq had spent hours fearing some unseen enemy, only to find out that he didn't really exist.
"I don't know, Marian. The basement was probably used as a dungeon of some sort generations ago. It doesn't matter anyway. Djaq is smart and she's got better instincts than most people I know." Robin said with a pointed look at Marian, who met his gaze with a look that she hoped conveyed how truly sorry she was. "So even if someone does end up going down there before we reach her, she'll stay out of sight. No one knows she's there and they won't be looking for her. We'll come up with a plan and we'll get her out."
Almost everyone slowed their pace the tiniest bit upon hearing and considering Robin's statements. They knew that they needed to think and plan before rushing in there and possibly putting Djaq and the baby in further danger.
Robin's words did very little to relieve Will's anxiety, however. Now that he knew that Djaq was alive, his only priority became getting to her and getting her out of there. Now. And it wasn't only the danger posed by Gisbourne or anyone else. It was also the fact that she was stuck down there in the dark...all alone... with no idea how or when she'd be free. He knew how much she hated being closed in. She had never said so, but he knew. He'd always known.
He remembered when they had spent that very first night in their new camp, right after it'd been built. She'd laughed and rejoiced and celebrated right along with everybody else, but when the time had come to close the hatch for the night, he'd seen the look of apprehension that briefly flashed behind her eyes. She'd shaken it off almost instantly, and he doubted whether any of the others had even noticed, but he'd noticed. And he'd never forgotten.
Even a couple of months ago, just after they'd reconciled, when they were hiding together in the closet in Djaq's chamber at the castle while they waited for Rashid to bring in the chests of money, Will had sensed how uneasy she was having to keep the door shut while they were in there.
She hadn't said so, but he'd known.
The combination of a small space, darkness, and a closed door was something that Djaq had a very hard time with. And now she'd been trapped in just such a situation for hours and he knew that he had to get to her.
As the group headed in the direction of Locksley, Marian answered everyone's questions and filled in the blanks left by her earlier hasty explanations. Robin gave up on trying to slow Will down and eventually just settled for trying to keep up with him as he and the gang sorted out a plan for the rescue.
"The worst thing we could do would be to storm in there. We'd be putting Djaq directly in harm's way and she's really in no condition to properly defend herself." Robin advised, mostly for Will's benefit.
"But we don't have time for some complicated and intricate plan right now, Robin." Will argued, slowing down at last to face him. "We need to get to her. Fast."
"I realize that. And we will get to her. I promise you we will. But it would be much better for everyone if we can figure out a way to get her out of there without a fight breaking out."
"How?" Much asked.
"Yeah. No offense, Robin, but I highly doubt Gisbourne's just gonna stand aside and let us through." Allan said.
"What about a distraction?" John offered.
"Good, John. That's good." Robin said. "A distraction is exactly what we need. But it has to be something that Gisbourne won't associate with us. If thinks we're anywhere nearby while he's got money stashed in his basement, he's going to send guards down to make sure we don't get our hands on it. And that's precisely what we're trying to avoid."
"I could send word to him saying that I've just got back to town and wish to see him." Marian said. "I could ask him to come to Knighton Hall. That would probably draw him away from Locksley long enough to—"
"Absolutely not, Marian." Robin said, shaking his head. "You're going straight to the camp and waiting for me there. I mean it."
"Robin, I know that I've been terribly difficult these last few weeks, and I don't mean to argue with you. Really I don't. But it's all my fault that Djaq's in this mess and I want to do whatever I can to help."
"You've done enough." Will spat.
"Will, I understand how you must be feeling, but this is not the time for blame. All that matters now is getting Djaq out of there safely. And we will." Robin counseled with a hand on Will's shoulder. "Marian, we don't have time for this. Please just do as I ask."
John placed a firm but gentle hand on Marian's arm and said, "It's better this way, Lass. Let us take it from here. The best way for you to help Djaq is to do as Robin says."
Marian nodded, raised her hood, and reluctantly turned toward the direction of the camp.
Robin watched her until she was completely hidden by the trees and hoped that she would actually obey him this time. "What about a fire?" he asked, turning back to the gang. "Something small enough that it won't pose any real threat, but will still get Gisbourne's attention."
"The stables." Will said quickly. "We release the horses and start a small fire. The panic and confusion would give me enough time go get in and get Djaq to safety."
"Good, that's good. John, Much and I will deal with the horses and setting the fire. You and Allan concentrate on nothing but getting Djaq out of there. Leave everything else to us." Robin told the pair.
Djaq waited. That was really all that she could do at this point. Wait. Either wait for Will or Robin or one of the others to come for her...or wait for someone far less welcome to come through that door. She had stood by the wall and listened at the spot where she and Marian had removed the stones for quite a while after Marian had gone, just to reassure herself that Marian had, indeed, gotten away clean without being spotted.
It had been such a relief to have even the tiny bit of sunlight afforded by the small opening in the wall, as the darkness had only served to underscore her hopelessness. But she knew that if someone other than the gang did come down those steps, the last thing she needed was for them to see sunlight streaming in through a gaping hole in the wall. If they didn't already know that she was down there, that would surely be a dead giveaway.
So she had very reluctantly replaced the stones in the wall and the room was immediately plunged into almost total darkness once again. At least there was still a flicker of light from the torch on the wall, she reminded herself. Just like there was now the tiniest flicker of hope alive within her. Now that Marian had gone for the others, it would only be a matter of time before they showed up.
She knew for certain that nothing on earth could keep them from her. They loved her and she felt confident that they would do everything within their power—and then some—in order to get to her. The only question was whether they would get there before Gisbourne decided what to do with her. If he was even aware of her presence down there at all. Djaq was beginning to wonder. So she did the only thing that she could do...she sat with her sword in her hand and she waited for the gang.
And for Will...
She did not want to think about what he must be going through...knowing that she and their baby were in danger. He'd lost so much already and he must be absolutely panicked at the thought of what might be happening to her. She only hoped that he didn't do anything rash...anything that he would regret later.
Prompted by the gentle stirring in her belly, Djaq said softly, "You probably do not mind the darkness at all, do you Little One? I am sure that it is always dark in there where you are and you probably prefer it that way. No?"
She realized with surprise that this was probably the first time that she had spoken to her baby in the English tongue. She did not know why, but it had always seemed almost natural to speak with him or her in Arabic before now. But of course, her baby would be an English baby, after all, and she may as well get used to addressing him or her as such.
"Do you sense my fear? Is that what has you so active in there? Rest assured that I will do everything that I can to protect you. I am sorry for putting us in this situation. I should not have done so. I knew better than to come in here after Marian. I only hope that your father and the others get to us in time."
She sighed and covered her belly protectively with both hands.
"Is it wrong for me to speak to you of my fear? I do not know how this is suppose to work...this motherhood thing. Should I lie to you, Little One? Would that ease your mind? Perhaps good mothers always tell their children that everything will be alright even when they do not feel confident in the truth of such words. Is that what I should do then? I never had a mother of my own. Well, of course I did. You must think me foolish for saying such a thing. Everyone has a mother. But mine died when we were still very small. So I do not know what she might have said or done in such a situation as this."
"Now you must not think that we had an unhappy childhood without her. For we did not. We did not miss our mother simply because we never knew her. But my father was a great man and a good and caring father. And he never lied to us. He always spoke the truth to us even when it was unpleasant...even brutal. He believed that we could only be prepared for something if we knew the truth of what we faced. And he was right. So I will speak to you in the same manner, for it is the only way that I know."
Djaq wondered how long it had been since Marian had gone for help. Surely, if all had gone well for her, someone would have been there by now.
"I am worried about what will become of your father if he does not reach us in time. He has lost so much already...and he loves us so very much. That is something that I do not have to tell you about, am I right? Surely you must know how much your father adores you. He has not even met you yet and already he lives everyday for you. Surely you must sense that whenever he speaks to you in there. Yes?" She smiled as she thought about Will's habit of talking to the baby and making plans with him or her for all of the things they would do together once he or she was born.
"We are both so fortunate to have him in our life, Little One. Do you know, there was a time when I feared his love. Is that not the most foolish confession that you have ever heard? But I have learned a great deal from him since then and I now know that love does not weaken you...it helps you to be strong. Like now. We must be strong for him. He needs for us to get through this. He can not lose us."
She shook her head and tried to get rid of her feelings of worry over Will.
"Yes, your father has lost many loved ones just as I have. But he still has a brother that you will meet one day. His name is Luke and your father loves him very much. Brothers are very special, you know. And we also have a whole family now that almost makes up for our losses. You will meet all of them soon enough as well. Though I suspect that you have already heard more of them than you care to at times, even from in there. They can be quite loud, I know. But they are good and kind and brave and they will love you almost as much as your father and I do. Of that I am certain."
She leaned her head closer to her stomach and said in a quiet voice, "I know how we may pass the time. I will tell you a bit about each of them so that the next time that you hear them speaking you will know who is saying what. Let me see. There is Allan, of course. He is very special. He is funny and brave and he tells terrible jokes and stories that make everyone roll their eyes. And he can talk anyone into or out of anything he wishes. That may sound like a bad thing to you right now, but one day you will find that such a talent can be very useful. Allan is the kind of man who will surprise you and even himself with his goodness and you will love him just as I do, I am certain. From him, you will learn the value of loyalty and friendship."
"And then there is Robin. Robin Hood, as he is known to most. He is our leader and a better man there never was. He is much like your grandfather...my father. My father was also a man who believed in people more than rules. Who helped those in need even at great cost to himself. Robin is skilled with a bow and he is the kind of man whom people naturally choose to follow. He is also proud and hopelessly daring, but he would lay down his life to prevent the suffering of others and you will grow to respect and admire him. And from him, you will learn the importance of determination and that even just a few people, if they are willing to stand up for something, can make a huge difference in the world."
"And Much, of course. He is the one who is always fussing over whether or not I am eating enough. He talks a lot about food, you will find. But I suspect that it is not really food that he craves, but rather security. He has not had that in a very long time and I think that food is his way of reminding himself of simpler days. He is also kind and brave...and you must be very nice to him for he is a sensitive sort. Often we tease him but you must not think that we love him less because of that. He is a good man and he cares for all of us very much...especially Robin. From him you will surely learn great compassion for all people."
"Then there is John. Little John he is called, although he is anything but little, you will find. He is a giant bear of a man and he may seem rather frightening to you at first, but you will soon find that he is gentle and kind and that he cares for others even more than he cares for himself. That is a rare thing to find in a man. He once had a family of his own, but he lost them. Not in the way that I did, or your father did. His family has simply moved on without him and I sometimes wonder if that might not be worse for him to live with. So there is often a sadness to him. But he is good and you will come to rely upon him and learn from him the value of sacrifice."
Djaq heard the door creak open and she jumped to her feet with her sword at the ready. She stepped back into the shadows and tried to silence her ragged breathing and her pounding heart.
"Djaq?"
"Will!" She sheathed her weapon as she ran from her hiding place and was happier than she had ever been to see Will and Allan bounding down the steps, taking four at a time, toward her.
Relief flooded through her as two pairs of strong arms enveloped her and held her close. Allan muttered incoherently into her hair—words of comfort and reassurance—although whether to her, Will, or himself, she was uncertain. Will did not speak, and only held her securely against his chest. Between the two of them she was hugged so tightly that she nearly couldn't breathe. But she did not mind at all.
"We'd better get outta here." Allan said after just a few seconds as he released her and headed carefully back up the steps. Will still said nothing, only wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulder and led her out.
It was hard to tell in the darkness, but she could just make out the fear in his eyes. But it was more than fear. "I am alright," she whispered, to which he nodded stoically.
As they came out into the main part of the house, it was hard to see because her eyes had grown accustomed to the dark and she now found the light rather blinding. She could smell smoke and hear the panicked and angry voices of people shouting in the distance. Will and Allan seemed barely to notice and knew exactly where to go as they steered her through the house and out the back door.
She was safe.
Once they had reached the outside, Djaq turned to inquire after Marian and the others but before any words could pass her lips, Will bent down and slid one arm behind her knees, with the other just beneath her arms and around her back. He gently hoisted her up in his arms, being careful not to jostle her, as if she weighed no more than a child—although she was certain that she must be quite heavy for him in her current condition. She was startled by the gesture and even more so when he whisked her swiftly away from Locksley Manor, a worried Allan, and all of the commotion going on around them and instead carried her off in what she assumed was the direction of the forest.
She wrapped her arms about his neck and clung to him, worried over his demeanor. "Will? Where are we going?...Where are the others?...I am perfectly able to walk, you know....Are you alright?"
No answer.
In fact, she hadn't heard him say a word since calling her name at the top of the basement steps. When they'd reached what he seemed to feel was an appropriate spot within the safety of the forest, he gently put her down, dropped to his knees in front of her, buried his face against her belly, and sobbed like a lost child.
"I thought I lost you...I thought I lost you," he repeated over and over again through his tears.
Djaq sunk down to the ground with him, placing her arms firmly around his body and she held him, kissing his face, as he wept. "I am here now. It's alright. I am here now and everything is fine."
She did not know what else to say. She had expected him to be relieved or even perhaps angry with her for getting into such a situation, but she hadn't expected this. Her heart broke for him and all that he must have suffered. The practical side of her wanted to tell him that there was no cause for tears. That she and the baby were safe and that everything had worked out in the end.
But the side of her that was ruled more and more often by her emotions these days silently scolded her for such limited thinking and instead understood all too well what he must be feeling. If their situations had been reversed...if he had been the one in danger, she knew that she would have stayed strong and fought with all of her might to get to him, but that afterwards—once she no longer had to focus on saving him and being strong—she would have broken down just as he was doing and wept for all that she almost lost.
After what seemed like an eternity—and oceans of tears shed—he finally kissed her belly and looked up at her through red and swollen eyes. His crying had subsided and was reduced to a few infrequent sniffles. "I'm sorry," he offered softly.
"Do not apologize, my love. I understand. I can only imagine what it was like for you," she said, placing gentle kisses on his cheeks and eyelids.
"You shouldn't have to comfort me, though. You were the one stuck down there all day. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should be comforting you. Are you alright?" he asked, looking her over.
"I am fine. I promise you that I am."
"You're all dirty," he said, as if seeing her properly for the first time since rescuing her. "And your hands are all cut up." He tried to wipe some of the dirt from her face, but only succeeded in smearing it further. He kissed her fingers and shook his head at the myriad of little cuts and scratches they displayed.
"From the digging. But it is of no consequence." She ran a hand through his hair and tried to soothe him as best she could. "You found me before Gisbourne could come for me. That is all that matters."
"I don't think he was ever coming. At least not for you and Marian." He sniffled as he attempted to shake some of the dirt out of her hair. "Robin said that door locks on its own. So no one probably even knew you two were down there."
"Oh." She thought for a moment. "That explains quite a lot, actually."
"But still, someone would have come down eventually, and who knows who it might've been. And you would have been trapped down there until they did. I'm so sorry." He shook his head.
"What for? None of this is your fault."
"I should have protected you better."
"Nonsense!" she told him. "This was not your doing. You said yourself that the door locks on its own. So it was all a big accident, nothing more."
"We have to get away from here," he said suddenly, surprising her.
"What? From where?"
"From here. From here! Nottingham," he said as he frantically gestured, indicating the area around them. "We'll pack up tonight and leave at first light."
"Why? What has happened?"
"What has—? Djaq, are you mad? You almost died today. I should never have let you stay here. I should have taken you away from here months ago. We'll go someplace and start over. Someplace safe where we can have a normal life."
"Will, this is not the best time to make such a decision. You are still shaken over what has happened and you are not in your right state of mind. Let us calm down and think this through."
"There's nothing to think about." He said firmly. "We're going and that's it. I won't risk your life or the baby's again."
"Just stop and think for—"
"No Dammit! Why won't you listen to me? Why won't you let me take care of you? I love you so much, Djaq. Why can't you just let me protect you like I'm suppose to?" His voice was strained and his eyes were wild.
"What are you talking about? You do take care of me. I know that you love me and I love you. You are not making sense. Please just calm down and let us talk this over."
"The others were right. They were right. You won't listen to me...even when I'm only trying to do what's best for us."
"What others? I do not understand what you are saying, Will. Of course I will listen to you. Am I not always willing to hear anything that you have to say? But you are overreacting. I know that you are upset...that you must have been very frightened, but let us not make more of this than it is."
"Upset? Upset? Frightened? I thought you were dead, Djaq!" he shouted. "I thought you were dead and all I could think of was how I'd failed you and the baby. Of how I would never get to hold you again...or see our child born. I'm more than upset." His voice cracked.
"Oh." Was all she could say. She had been very worried about his reaction to hearing that she was in trouble but she had never even considered that he might have believed that she had died. Poor Will. She leaned in and kissed him tenderly, hoping to reassure him that she was alive and real and still with him.
He hesitated for a spit second and then slowly yielded to her mouth as it moved gently over his. They fit together so perfectly and just the soft brush of her lips against his or the light touch of her tongue brought him unimaginable comfort. So he momentarily let himself get lost in her.
After a moment of opening himself up to her kiss, though, Djaq felt him stiffen as he abruptly broke apart from her and pushed her forcibly away from him.
"Don't do that!" he said angrily.
"What? Why?" She was hurt and confused.
"It's not fair. You know how much I love you...how much I've always loved you. Don't you dare you use my love for you as a weapon against me, Djaq."
"Is that what you think that I was doing?" she asked in a voice that trembled with anger and hurt.
"That's what it felt like. You don't like what I have to say so you kiss me in the hope that I'll give in and do things your way," he said without meeting her eyes.
"How dare you!"
A part of her wished for nothing so much as to slap his face at that moment, so stung was she by his venomous words. For most of her life, her reaction to hurt had always been anger, and it took great effort to remind herself that he had been through a terrible ordeal today as well, and that while she had been frightened and had even felt hopeless at times, she had also known that she was, for the moment at least, safe. He'd had no such assurances about her safety and had, in fact, believed her to be dead already.
So she knew that he was speaking out of fear and she calmed herself and readied herself to try to reason with him. After all, she told herself, this is what happens when you open yourself up to someone completely. They have the power to hurt you in ways that no one else ever could.
She took a very deep breath.
"I would never use your love for me as a weapon, Will," she spoke his name as if it were a curse. "If you really want to leave Nottingham, then we will go. I have no idea where you think that we could go and have a normal life together, but I would go anywhere with you. I mean that. All I was saying was that we should not decide something so important while our feelings over today's events are still so fresh. I merely asked you to calm down and to let us take a few days to discuss everything properly." She tried to let reason and rational thought guide her where her emotions threatened to take over.
Will didn't respond. He only looked at her guiltily.
"When you told me that you thought that I had died, I felt horrible inside at the thought of what that must have been like for you and I only wanted to comfort you. So I kissed you. I love you and I wanted to be close with you while you were hurting. Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do in the middle of such a serious discussion. If so, then I am sorry. I cannot bear to see you in pain and it was my instinct to reach out to you. That is all."
"I—" He began.
"But you have no right to accuse me of trying to trick you or to distract you or whatever you were implying. I have never given you any reason to speak to me in such a way. I have been more open with you and shared more of myself with you than I ever have been with anyone...even more than I have been completely comfortable with at times, and I do not deserve that."
"I'm sorry. You're right and I'm sorry." He took her face gently in his hands and he kissed her softly.
He could tell that, while she allowed the kiss and didn't pull away, she was not completely committed to it either. She was obviously still hurt over the cruel things he'd said and he really couldn't blame her.
She'd spent the afternoon terrified of either being discovered by their enemies or facing starvation in a locked basement. She'd then had to comfort him once she'd been freed, and then he had behaved like an irrational child and accused her of not listening to him and trying to have her own way. He'd been very unfair to her and he knew it.
"I love you and I am sorry." He repeated. "I still want to leave here, but you're right, we can discuss all of that later. Right now, let's get you cleaned up and fed. You must be hungry by now."
He stood and offered her his hand which she took, not so much in affection, as for the simple fact that she could not get up without assistance. But once she was standing, she held tightly to it and entwined their fingers as they walked toward the camp.
Meanwhile, after Allan had informed the rest of the gang that Djaq was safe and that Will had taken her off to the forest, they had all been able to get away from Gisbourne's house without further incident. They were now back at the camp with Marian and were engaged in various ways of trying to recover from the day's harrowing events.
"It's not fair, though." Much was saying—and not for the first time. "She doesn't just belong to Will, you know. She belongs to all of us."
"I think that's the dumbest thing you've ever said." John told him as he cleaned his boots and tried to ignore the tension around him.
"Djaq doesn't belong to anyone, Much. She's a person and she belongs only to herself." Marian said. "And I'm sure that Will just wanted some time alone with her, that's all. He is her husband and he was worried about her today."
"Well I was worried too! Maybe I might like some time with her, or John or Allan might. Or Robin. Will had no right to just pick her up and carry her off that way. Djaq doesn't like anyone fussing over her like that anyhow, you know. She's very independent."
"Then maybe you should stop doing it before she comes back and yells at you for it," Allan said. Much had been going on this way since they'd returned and Allan was starting get a headache.
"I'm not fussing. I'm just saying that Will shouldn't be so selfish is all. Djaq and the baby probably haven't eaten anything since lunch and she must be hungry by now." Much knew that everyone made fun of him for worrying over Djaq getting enough to eat. But they just didn't understand her the way that he did.
He knew that she was the type of person who would try to make sure that everyone had what they needed from her before she ever looked after herself. That was her way. People rarely had to ask her for anything because she almost always volunteered before they got the chance. She would never tell Will that she wanted to go back to camp because she was hungry, Much knew that. And he knew that he needed to make sure that she and the baby were healthy. It was important.
"Will won't let her starve, Much. Try to relax," Marian said with what she hoped was soothing smile.
"I'll relax when she's back," he answered in a huff.
"Then worry quietly! Because I, for one, am sick of hearing it." Robin ordered. "And Marian, just leave him be! He likes to fret over things...it makes him feel like he's helping."
Robin had been more shaken by the day's events than he had so far let on to the others. They had almost lost one of their own today. Well, two of their own. It was just dumb luck that Much had mentioned those loose stones to Djaq and that she'd remembered. Otherwise, who knows what would have become of her and Marian. If Gisbourne would have found them hiding down there, he wouldn't have stopped to ask questions. Despite Marian's frequent arguments to the contrary, Robin didn't doubt for a moment that the man was a brutal and ruthless killer.
For the past couple of weeks Robin had been frustrated over Marian's constant attempts to do things her own way, but he hadn't really seen her behavior as anything more than inconvenient and aggravating. It had never occurred to him that she might get herself into a situation where her life would be in jeopardy. And, what was worse, she had put Djaq and her baby in jeopardy as well. Robin knew how protective the lads were over Djaq now that she was pregnant and he feared that, despite their fondness for Marian, today's fiasco might just create added tensions within the group.
And he didn't know if he'd be able to smooth things over for her with them. Or if she'd even want him to. Obviously the whole idea of Marian coming out to the forest with him had been a bad one from the start. But Sir Edward would be gone for weeks still—perhaps even longer—and Robin did not want Marian to feel unwelcome for the duration of her stay.
"May I say something?" Marian began.
Everyone stopped and gave her their full attention.
"I've been waiting for someone to bring up what happened today. To confront me on my actions and my poor judgment. I at least expected you, Robin, to have something to say. But, clearly, no one is going to, so I may as well start the conversation myself."
"Marian, maybe this is something that should wait." Robin advised.
"No." John said. "Let her speak if she has something to say."
To Robin's surprise, Marian looked at him for approval before continuing. He nodded.
"Thank you. I actually thought that I should wait until Will and Djaq got back before saying this, but seeing as—"
"We're here." Will announced.
"Oh." Marian suddenly felt very apprehensive. The last words she had exchanged with Will had not been pleasant ones and, judging by the look on his face, he was still rather angry.
The rest of the gang seemed to have just as much apprehension over Will's demeanor as Marian. Perhaps they were remembering his murderous reaction to his father's death...or perhaps it was the way in which he'd carried Djaq off without a word to anyone...or perhaps it was simply the fact that he looked as if one wrong word from someone might unleash a fury from him that no one was particularly keen to deal with.
"You alright?" John asked, although whether he was asking Will, Djaq or both was unclear.
Djaq nodded.
"H-Have you eaten?" Much asked her.
"No Much and I am quite hungry, actually. But I wish to bathe first and then I will return and eat something, alright?" Much nodded. "Go ahead, Marian. We did not mean to interrupt what you were saying."
"I just wanted to say how sorry I am. Not only for today, but for the way I've been acting. I haven't adjusted to this life nearly as well as I'd expected, and I know that I've made things rather difficult. I want all of you to know that I get it now. All of the planning and teamwork and all of that. I understand why someone has to be in charge and why everyone else has to follow. I didn't get it, but I do now. And things will be different from now on. You have my word."
"Luckily, no one was hurt today, so I think we can all accept this as a lesson learned and just move on." Robin said, looking at Will hopefully.
"Will, I know how upset you are and I don't blame you." Marian said.
"Robin's right, I suppose. No one was hurt this time. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt Djaq or anyone else deliberately. I was scared earlier and I just wanted to get to Djaq. I'm sorry if I wasn't as kind as I could've been." Will said.
Djaq was curious as to what had transpired between Will and Marian, but she decided that she would leave it to Will to bring up if he wanted her to know.
"Thank you, Will." Marian said. "You can't even imagine how relieved I am to see you, Djaq." And she got up and hugged the other woman, startling her.
"I am relieved to see you as well." Djaq said, patting Marian's back awkwardly. "I see that you have already gotten cleaned up. I need a wash very badly myself."
"I'll get your soap and stuff." Will offered.
"And I'll put your supper on to warm up." Much said.
"I may have something you can put on after your bath instead of those." Marian said, indicating Djaq's dirty clothes. And she went to rummage through her stash of forest clothes—which numbered far greater than Djaq's did even before she had out grown everything.
"Thank you."
"Well, as long as you're back safe and sound, I'm gonna head out. Maybe I can still make the appointment I missed this afternoon." Allan said, earning him a knowing smile from Djaq.
"Have fun." She told him.
"I plan to. I'll be back in time for my watch." And with that he exited the camp.
"Here you are." Marian said, handing Djaq a bundle of clothes. "There's a dress there and a pair of trousers with very loose-fitting laces, so one of them should do at least for today."
"Oh, that reminds me. I forgot to get Matilda's dresses out of Gisbourne's basement. I do not suppose that any of you happened to pick them up when you took the money did you?" Djaq addressed the group.
"The money!" Robin said, slapping his forehead. "In all of the mad rush to distract Gisbourne and get you out of there, we didn't even think about the tax money!"
"Are you serious?" she asked. They all groaned and nodded. "Sorry. Surely Gisbourne has moved the money by now after all of the chaos today. I know how disappointed you must be, Robin."
But Robin waved her concern away. "Nah. Anyone stupid enough to hide money in their basement with outlaws on the loose is just begging for us to rob him," he grinned. "There's always next time."
Djaq looked around at their little group. She knew that she and Will still had a lot to discuss regarding leaving Nottingham, and that his point about their baby being in danger was a valid one. But just for tonight, she allowed herself to enjoy being home...with the people who loved her...where she felt safer than she had in years.
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