AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just started up a youtube channel and one of my first LPs is of Mass Effect. Just search for The Tired Dad Plays.

You can also follow me on twitter here: /ShawnHerndon1


Kylie Jones was terrified. There had been no warning. The day started like any other. She was getting ready for work, grabbing her breakfast on her way out of the door. Suddenly, alarms started going off everywhere and ships were dropping out of the sky. She wasn't prepared for this kind of thing. She's seen enough Alliance PSAs to know this was a pirate slave grab. But that was the kind of thing unaffiliated colonies had to worry about. This wasn't supposed to happen to her. She had a safe job on a safe colony and the Alliance was supposed to protect them.

Now there was a shock collar around her neck and she was forced to march along with all her neighbors. The ones that hadn't been killed at least. There was no sign of rescue and her mind raced with the horrors she might face as a slave. The only thing she was thankful for was she was still on the colony. Already, two ships had been loaded and taken off in the distance. But now it was her turn. She panicked when she saw the dirty conditions of the ship's cages. Stains of several different colors were splashed on the walls and floor. In a mad scramble, she tried to run away, until her collar shocked her back into submission. She fell into a fetal position on the floor when a strange alien with four eyes glared down at her.

"Stupid cunt. You won't be getting away. Fresh meat like you always brings in a good price. So you don't want to do that again. Unless you'd like to be taken off the market, and handed over to the boys." She felt revolted by the sounds of gruff laughter. But then she heard a new sound. It sounded like something slicing through air, followed by a wet thump. Then she felt a great weight crash onto her, forcing her breath out and popping her eyes open. It was the pirate, and blood was flowing from a hole in his head, dripping onto her face. There were shouts and screams, pirates and her neighbors both. The sounds mounted, overwhelming her. She tried to cover her ears but she couldn't move her arms. The best she could do was clench her eyes shut. But almost as suddenly as it began, it was silent again.

She opened her eyes as she saw a woman with large muscles, bigger than most men, lift the body off of her with one hand, offering her other to help Kylie up.

"My name is Urdnot Shard. I'm here to fight for you." Kylie tried to not look as confused as she felt, but she was pretty sure she failed. She let the woman help her up, and was stunned by the power that pulled her to her feet. She got a better look at her savior now. She towered over her, had a type of armor different than the ones she was used to seeing around the colony and shockingly, had a stunning smile. With a quick motion, Shard removed Kylie's shock collar.

"Um…I…" It was the best Kylie could do. Shard turned away from her to talk to two other armed women. One of them was another alien, but different than the ones who attacked them. There was another human with them as well, shorter than Shard, but somehow scarier looking. They were taking the collars off her neighbors' necks now. Around them, there were at least a dozen bodies, all pirates. They looked like someone had chewed them up and spit them out. Kylie could only hope she was safer now than she was before.

Shard stepped up to Jaq. "That the last collar?"

"That's it. Honestly I expected a better fight. We took out several dozen of the fuckers on our way here, but somehow it still left me wanting more."

Tali grumbled behind her. "Always knew you were insatiable Jaq." Jaq just smiled up at Shard.

"I'm gonna have to teach that one a lesson when we get through all this. Looks like we saved at least 50 people, mostly women and children. Where are the rest of them? This can't be everyone from that residential area we made our way through."

An impish looking woman with dark skin and braided hair stepped forward, clearing her throat. "Uh yeah, hey, thanks for saving us. Um…they uh took a bunch of people already. Thanks for stopping them from taking us. I'm uh, Kylie Jones by the way. Who are you?"

Tali spoke up for the group. "We're Maw Company, hired as reserves by the Alliance to help fight off any attacks." Jaq braced her shotgun over her shoulder.

"In other words lady, you should be thanking your lucky stars we were here to save your asses. Shard, I don't mind a hard fight, but if we try to make our way back to the colony with all these people, we won't be able to protect them."

Shard nodded before looking out at the people who had gathered around. "Look, we're not going to leave you alone but we don't know this area well. Is there any place around here we can bunker down?"

After a few moments, a hesitant voice piped up. "Well there is a military barrack not too far from here. My brother worked in construction around the colony and he told me those things were built to survive attacks, going deep into the dirt. There might even be a few guns there."

"Sounds as good a place as any, lead the way. And if we do find guns, I need anyone who thinks they can fight to help out. Unless you want to end up dead or enslaved, we'll need all the help we can get."

Tali moved next to Shard as they were about to move out, her eyes watching figures wearing Alliance armor coming their way. "Shard, we got company."


Private Samuel Franks was looking forward to his future. All he had to do was capture three women and he'd be on the fast track. It was easy to follow them once they made their way past the destruction the women left behind. And now they were finally in sight. Along with several dozen civilians.

"Shit, Sam. Can't believe those bitches actually saved them. What do you think, we just roll in with guns trained? We might be able to take them with so many people around them."

With a disgusted look in his eye, Franks slapped the man upside his head. "What are you, a fucking moron? You want to kill all those witnesses while we're at it? We're in the badlands now gents. And if you want to make it back we gotta play this smart. Now as far as these cunts know, we're all on the same side. So we play things close to our chest. And when the Alliance fucks up the alien scum attacking us, we'll have our opening to take these bitches in. And then its medals and promotions for the god damn heroes."

They slowed down when they got closer to the civilians. Franks whispered to his men to let him do the talking when they finally got up to Shard.

"Hey girls. Heard you might need a little help out here. Well don't worry. Your knights in shining armor are here to protect you." He tried to lay on his most charming smile. Shard glared down at him.

"I remember you. The weak male from the bar. I don't know how much help you can be after that pitiful display the other night, but I'll use you anyway. We're making our way to a nearby barrack. Show us the fastest route." The private nodded with a smile, moving to the front of the group along with his men. Shard leaned down to Tali and Jaq. "Keep your eyes on those pyjaks. I don't trust them."

"Fuckers try anything, I'll finish what they started last night. They'll find out what happens when you interrupt a krogan party."


Caelvia Ignamus just got confirmation from the battle above her that another dropship docked with the main slave ship. It was breaking off and making a quick escape so they would be sure to hold onto their precious cargo. Apparently the fight wasn't going as well as Elanos had hoped. They couldn't break through the Alliance line, and she only had half of her forces down here in the dirt. And the first wave was already repelled once. Now she was organizing the next wave, and she'd take part in it herself.

One of her underlings ran up to her, out of breath and dirty looking. He was one of the lucky ones to get out of the way of the falling building.

"Caelvia, I just got word. A group stopped the last cargo ship from taking off. Apparently it was three women. Somehow they have broken through the frontlines, and killed everyone in their way."

The turian's eyes dilated at the promise of a good fight. She pulled the batarian closer, her talons tracing a dangerous line near his eyes. "Are you telling me that these women fought through our hardened, blood drunk savage pirate scum, and are currently taking back the slaves we fought so hard to take?"

"Uh…," the man started to sweat, shaking nervously. Something behind the turian's eyes scared him. He knew the type, had tried really hard to avoid working with them. She was the kind who enjoyed the fight more than winning. And now she was in command of him and the rest of the forces on the ground.

"Oh this is wonderful," with a quick motion she ripped her talons deep into the man's throat, slashing across. His eyes widened and he tried to pull his gun up but she just pulled it from his weakening grasp. "I just had a great idea. We'll be taking half of our people out to find them. And I'm going to use my last two dropships to close in around them. And when we capture them, I'm going to hurt them so bad until they tell me how they got around us. Then we can sneak into the colony and finish off the scum." She pushed the man down, his body collapsing near another batarian who tried not to look down.

"You! You are now my number 2, and I want you to send out the orders. Well what are you waiting for, quickly now!" She clicked her talons together in impatience. The man moved to pass the word along. He didn't give much thought to the man who had just recently died at his feet. The less survivors, the more loot he'd enjoy.


Tali finished her scan of the perimeter of the barrack they had found. It looked like a normal building from the outside, but inside it lent itself well to defense. People could take up positions along the windows on platforms that could be folded out. There was only one entrance into it, making it easy to keep enemies from overwhelming the position.

Shard had handed out weapons to anyone who could fight, sending the others down into the lower levels to stay safe until the fighting was over. She made sure all the children moved down, including some of the teens who wanted to help. She simply said they were too important and dismissed them. After several hours of setting up, they were ready to wait out the attack. Tali hoped at least. But then her scanners began to pick up movement around the building and she laughed at herself for even bothering with the hope.

"Shard, we've got incoming. A lot of incoming. They're coming in from all directions," Tali screamed over to Shard who was standing near the entrance. She had decided to defend that area herself. Jaq was next to Tali, with the Alliance reserve that had shown up on the wall across from them.

"This is it everyone. Either they all die, or we all die. I want you to tear them down until they drown on their friends' blood. Get ready!"

"Fuckin' about time Red!"

It was quiet for some time after that. Then they could hear a few dozen explosions all around them where Jaq had used the last of her ordinance. Shard looked up at Tali, but the quarian just shook her head to indicate they were still coming. Now Shard could hear screaming, that got louder with each passing second.

Shard trained her rifle, waiting for the first enemy to come in her crosshairs. Suddenly shots began to ring out all around her, her troops shooting anyone they saw. Finally someone crossed Shard's sights and she began shooting as well. The bullet slammed into his shoulder with enough force to tear his arm off. For a second, Shard thought she felt an itch in her robotic arm. She didn't slow down, taking down everyone who came within her sights. Soon she had to take out her shotgun, and she felt herself get hit several times but did her best to shrug it off, hoping her regeneration could keep up. But then she felt her stomach get pierced, the bullet sending her crashing to the ground. A pirate started to climb over the small barricade she had placed across the doorway. She didn't give him time to get over, firing at him from the ground. Half of his helmet was blasted away, leaving nothing but shredded meat in her wake.

With a grunt she forced her way back up, just in time to take another shot to her organic arm and another to her knee. She pushed through the pain, moving her shotgun to her metal arm and taking out the assholes giving her issues. She had just enough time to tap into her biotics to reinforce her barrier to protect herself from shots as more pirates tried to force their way past the pile of corpses she added to her barricade.

She could tell the fighting was just as fierce all around her. Already a few of the civilians had been murdered. A woman was laying on the ground, trying to keep her intestines from spilling out more than they already were. Her whimpers ended not too long after. The marines and Private Franks were still fighting but kept glancing over at Shard and Jaq both. They were interrupted from their musings when a blast suddenly tore a hole in the back wall. Shard backed away from the door to try and make her way towards it as pirates flooded into the building.

Jaq screamed as she leapt down at them. She crashed into them, using her biotics to rip many of them to shreds. Her blue enhanced strength helped her punch through metal and flesh but she was overwhelmed, forced to kneel behind quickly crumbling cover. Tali sent out several explosive drones to help her friend, but then Shard saw a turian woman point towards her and several troops fired at her position. She had to abandon her perch, crashing down next to Jaq. Shard ran towards them but was hit with several shots from the turian woman. She fell to the ground, her blood draining from her body.

When Shard glanced over to her left she saw the pirate who attacked her slowly making her way over to her friends. All around her, pirates were either slaughtering the civilians or ripping the weapons out of their hands and pulling them through the breach they had created. But as the battle raged all around her, Shard felt something she had never felt before.

It was as if the fog of battle was suddenly lifted. She felt hot all over, like she was on fire. But she didn't feel pain any longer. Despite her wounds, she was suddenly on her feet. She didn't remember pulling herself up. She thought she wanted to be standing and then she was standing. Everything looked too crisp, and she felt like she could see an orange blur just on the edge of her vision. After that, all she could make out in her head, was the death and destruction of her enemies.

Jaq's curses against the turian woman heading their way seemed never ending, but then Tali saw the turian look away and if she wasn't mistaken, she looked afraid. Suddenly the pirates all pointed their guns away from them and started to fire in several directions. Tali looked to see what they were so afraid of, and she saw it. Jaq saw it too, and for once the brave woman was left speechless. Her captain currently had her arm down a pirate's throat, and when she pulled it back it was drenched in blood. Suddenly she was no longer there, but at another pirate, crushing his skull between her hands. Her scars were glowing bright red and she looked like she was sweating. It was hard to tell with all the red, chunky flesh covering her body. She continued her single-handed slaughter, laying waste to every pirate in the building.

The turian woman was firing frantically, but if Tali didn't know better, she was laughing as well. It ended when Shard was on her suddenly, twisting her hand until it snapped and dangled uselessly from her arm. Tali was about to get up when she suddenly heard something that sounded like a bomb falling. She slammed her body to the ground, yelling for Jaq to hit the deck.


Koto was feeling quite impressed with himself. He had been able to survive this long by picking his targets carefully. Now, he finally was able to take down something even more powerful. The pirate frigate had been on its last legs after several volleys from the Alliance. Prime pickings for him to finish the job. He could tell it wouldn't be long for the world of the living. It was already beginning to burn up as it was pulled into Elysium's orbit. When it landed, everyone would see the results of Urdnot Koto's fighting skills.