August 5, Summer, year 36

Obon is a new one for me. Apparently we're supposed to do nothing, in remembrance of the dead. Seems… dreary, to say the least. At least at home with festivals for the dead there's bright colors, or something. Lots of talking at least, because that's how so many of us deal with the pain, by sharing it out amongst ourselves.

But no, apparently they all but sequester themselves in their quarters to… I'm not even certain I understand, and it's been less than two weeks since Skye's father was made into ashes, so I don't know who it's safe to ask either.

Skye… is being odd. He's shifting between his usual self and being overly-possessive. I've actually had to hit him hard enough to make him step back so that I could get some space! I'm a little worried…. Okay, really worried.

I wonder if it's a side effect of having to be here and play King until he can officially hand the duties over? I keep trying to ask him, but the jackass keeps brushing it off as though it's nothing!

It's not nothing when I get hugged hard enough to actually bruise. Apologies or not, that hurt!

I guess on the plus side, Obon means I can catch up on my writing. Though admittedly, not much has happened. While not exactly on best behavior, none of us have stirred up any troubles deliberately.

Ah! I just learned that there's going to be dancing later! Maybe this will cheer Skye up! He likes dancing almost as much as I do, and he doesn't pop at the joints!

Not that I do, yet, but I don't have the same stamina I had at twenty. But that's still several hours from now, so I still have plenty of time to write.

I… Well, I haven't been dreaming of death, but that damned knife still hovers there at the outset of most of them. It's waiting now, I can tell. Waiting for something or maybe someone? I'm not sure it's for a new victim, but maybe for help. I know that I certainly don't want to touch it ever, in dreams or in life.

I think though, there might actually be some of those blades around here. I might have been hysterical—and gods all stupid—after the dream where I was the murdered instead of the murderer, but I'm not blind. Skye recognized the description of the knife. He didn't seem happy that I was describing it in such clear detail.

I find myself wondering how many secrets we're keeping from each other, even by omission? One part of me wants t have a good long talk to clear the air—hell, even a fight would be more welcome than this current state of affairs—but the other part of me wonders if I should mention anything at all. I don't want to add to his stress.

Even if other things are called off, court is still in session after all. Bah, I think if it's a holiday it should be a damn holiday, and let everyone off the hook who can get it.

…As Alan and Mirei knock over their block fort. Silly kiddos, they did that on purpose. I think they're playing with some of the other dolls in a game of 'take the castle' or something similar. Jamie is reading, he actually found a book that's in our language, and Lauren's drawing. Meri's… oh, I see her now. She built a tiny blanket fort between the beds and is playing with Hoshi. Hehe. She apparently escaped her keepers and came to play, and who am I to naysay a cutie like her? Besides, Meri needs someone her size to play with, there's only so many times I can tell Mirei or Alan to play with her before they all start getting grumpy.

Sometimes I wish I'd been a little more… restrained in starting this family. Ah well, too late to do anything about it now. Besides, big families are fun, even if there's something of a lack of privacy. I've been thinking of adding a second floor to the house so that the kids can have their own rooms. I know Lauren would like it, getting the ground floor room to herself. Especially now that it's bigger.

It's going to take a lot of work, since I have no idea how much damage summer and winter storms are and will do to the farm. Maybe I should have told Jamie and Lauren to stay behind, let them run the farm in my absence? On the other hand, having them here now means that I'm not worrying about them and what they might be getting up to while I'm gone.

Ah, a mother's worries. Yet again I wonder if Mom ever felt this way when she let me go haring off on my own? I mean there's not too much trouble possible in the Valley, but there's usually enough to be created. The disaster of the Egg Festival certainly proves that. And to Ming City… how did she feel when I started going there, I wonder.

Oh, Miharu's been keeping her promise. Every third day we meet and I get lessons both in healing and in the language of the PoM. Language learning is going slow, but…

Well, I guess being around magic all my life has been good for something. I'm pretty much absorbing everything she can teach me like water. I like it! I can see why Trent, Elli and Hardy all got into this medicine thing.

Not that I'm allowed to do anything, in truth we're just going over theories and medical related texts. She's been explaining that just because the power is there doesn't mean it's controlled or even controllable, so I shouldn't get depressed if I can't actually heal anything by the end of next month.

I think she's being generous, I doubt I'll be good enough until almost all the time we're supposed to spend here has passed, if then. Aptitude I may have, but natural talent… that's another story entirely.

No, I'm not complaining, I'm used to this actually. I'd like to be able to heal, but my more rational self tells me that it's not going to be as easy as all that. If wishes were fishes and so on…

Ironic that Skye's birthday is five days past Obon. Can't kick him out of the kitchen to attempt to cook that damn curry—which I'm actually good at now—bake a birthday cake, or even find him a present from the odds and ends at Uncle Carter's dig sites. I don't really know what I'm going to do.

If were we at home I could cheerfully toss the kids out to friends and family and make it our night. Like our anniversary. Here I don't dare. Though I guess it doesn't matter considering, they never seem to hear the ah… 'bedroom activities' from this room as it is.

At least as far as I know. And I'm fairly certain that I'm not going to ask, and if I did, they wouldn't answer. Ever. If that's not embarrassing, I don't know exactly what is.

Mmm… my thoughts keep circling. Not so much on the knife but on who of Skye's family I can trust. Kaemon… I think he's a definite, he'd make a good friend. He reminds me a little bit of Lauren, just more reserved. I don't even notice the arm or limp to be honest. I embarrassed myself this way the other day by holding out my left hand. Felt like a proper idiot I did, but he just smiled. I think he was… pleased that I'd forgotten.

I'm not to sure with the girls. Hoshi is too young, and both Hotaru and Yukiko seem so… easily swayed by anything their mother might say. Hotaru's nice and all; I know she kinda likes me, but she's like her older sister, too easy to lead around by the hand.

Skye keeps telling me that Yukiko comes up with some of the best delayed traps ever, but I haven't seen anything yet. I find it hard to believe that she's got the guts to do that when sometimes she seems to lack all spine in general.

Well, okay, not spine, but… I don't know. She's passive. It's annoying. Not when the robes are off, but when they're on she just goes along with the highest authority figure in the room.

Hotaru's mostly just quiet. I like her a bit, she's sweet but she's also pretty passive. On her though I think it's an act, I keep hearing how she goes missing for hours at a time.

Good for her.

The boys…. Well, I've already covered Kaemon. I want to trust him, but I'm still not sure.

Daisuke… actually, he surprises me. Since Kaemon talked to me about how Yasuo required perfection from those two, I was expecting someone who might look down on Skye for giving up the throne, but instead, now that things are moving he seems pleased.

Oh sure he's not happy that Skye has to play temporary king, but he was here all those years Skye wasn't, so naturally he as a greater love for his people. And apparently he vehemently opposes the wearing of the robes. That was amusing, hearing that debate for hours the other day.

Akio… is a little unnerving, to be honest. Not creepy, and I lay the blame at the feet of his military training. He has a way of staring that makes you wonder if you've got something on your face. He actually gets embarrassed when it's mentioned though, which is cute. Apparently he's married as well, to a Princess… H… Oh! Haruka! That's right. No kids for him though.

I wonder why he's still here at Tranquility palace? I thought… oh right, his 'Father' isn't ready to give up his throne yet, mostly because Akio hasn't produced any heirs. They blame that on his military fixation too…

I almost feel sorry for the guy. He's good with this stuff, but it's absorbed so much of his life that he's neglected the rest of it.

Toshihiro…. He's a ball to mess with. He's made it quite clear that he dislikes Skye and actually wonders about my sanity. We trade barbs. It's fun! More so than messing with the Queen who just sticks with her comments about my inferiority. I think she's realized that she's not going to be able to force the issue with Skye until I die.

Smart woman. It only took her half a month…

Yue's just a kid… like Hoshi. Kids are easy to trust, they're pretty straightforward in everything. Then again I might just be blessed with good luck in the regard, my kids are all honest. For the most part anyways. Lying by omission has happened a couple of times, but it usually isn't for anything big. Not that I would tell any other the little ones some of the secrets I've had, they are children, prone to blurting things out at the most inopportune times.

Hah… I can't talk, I have const—

Ah, Skye's back. Says we should hurry if we want to catch the dancing!