Dean's POV

"You have to fix it Dean." I mutter to myself under my breath has a slam another cupboard shut. Where the hell do they all get off telling me off! And where does Sam get off telling me I do dumb shit like this to push people away? Dammit he says it because it's true. So what do they want from me? For me to go up there get on my knees and tell her I love her. Great idea Dean the morning after you slept with someone else.

I pour the milk into the bowl and start to mix the eggs. If there is one thing that girl likes it's food and I am going to bribe her with it if I have too. I don't cook a lot and if anyone ever asks me I don't cook at all but I can make something's and French toast is one of them. I honestly don't know if she'll forgive me and eat it. If I were her I would throw it back in my face and tell me to leave.

What could she have possibly been dreaming about last night the second time? Cas is right. When I think back she told me not to look at her or touch her because she was gross and disgusting. Why would she say such a thing? She one of the kindest most beautiful people I have ever meet. Don't you dare go chick flick on me now Dean! I put the French toast on a plate and pour some syrup on it. I put it on a tray with a cup of cranberry juice and I leave the kitchen. I stop at the bottom of the stairs. I should have flowers.

There isn't much growing outside of Bobby's house except weeds but I guess they will do. I pick a few dandelions and bring them back inside and put them in a juice cup and put them on the tray. Sam looks at me and smiles as I take the tray upstairs. I open the door and I see that she is sound asleep. If Cas didn't order me to get her out of here for her own good I wouldn't wake her up. I put the tray down on my side of the bed and walk over to hers. Her necks is still bruised and it makes me guilty all over again. I shake her shoulder lightly and wait for her to wake up.

Her eyes slowly open and I'm hit with their beauty but I notice the sadness and despair in them too. "Hey Lara, I brought you some breakfast. When you're up we got to talk. Cas came by and he needs us to leave immediately." She sits up in bed and looks around frantically.

"What's wrong? Why do we need to leave?" She asks me on the verge of a panic attack.

"It's ok, nothing is wrong right now. Cas said that he needs us to leave town for a few days until he comes up with a plan. He found out the demons want you so they can use your body to hold the souls of purgatory." I can see she is about to start panicking. "Don't worry I won't let anything happen to you. We are just going to leave for a bit and wait for Cas to tell us the plan."

She slowly starts to calm down and she looks at the tray next to her and she smiles. "Did you make me breakfast?"

I can't help but turn deep red. "Yes, it's French toast. If it's not good you don't have to eat it." She picks up the plate and takes a bite and moans like she does when she likes a new food. She puts the plate down and takes a sip of the cranberry juice and notices the dandelions. She picks them up and smiles. "Lara I wanted to say sorry about…"

"Not right now Dean. I just want to enjoy the moment. We can talk about the other stuff later. So where are we going?" She asks trying to change the subject.

I start to pull stuff out of my drawers and put them in my bag. "He said we can go anywhere as long as there isn't a lot of demon activity. Anywhere you always wanted to go?"

Her eyes get large with excitement and she yells out "Seattle!"

"Seattle? What you got a Kurt Cobain fetish I don't know about?"

She gives me a confused look. "Kurt Cobain? Who is that? I just saw a picture of it once and I liked it. It had the ocean, mountains, and that strange looking building. I've never been in the mountains and I've never been in the ocean. This way I can do both!"

She is too excited for me to say no. "Ok Seattle it is. But just so you know the water there is freezing. It's not like Florida."

She smiles at me and stands up. "We'll I'll just have to be happy with putting me toes in then. Can we go on a boat too? I've never been on one of those before. Oh and can we go into the mountains? Oh and that weird looking building can we go up into that?" Her excitement is very catchy.

"We can do whatever you want." I say with a smile.

She gave me a quick hug to my surprise and made a loud squeal and started to pack her bag. "Tell Sammy to print me pages of stuff to do. I want to do everything." Did she hug me? How can she want to hug me after what I did?

"Will do." I say has I leave the room. She doesn't seem mad at me and that makes me nervous. The little I know about women's emotions is telling me that when she does decide to get angry it's going to be on a nuclear scale. Sam is still sitting on the couch playing on his laptop. "Hey Sammy! Lara wants you to print out some pages on things to do in Seattle. Think you can handle it?"

He gives me a pissed off look. "If you stop calling me Sammy I might."

"What? You let her call you Sammy!"

He looks exasperating. "She doesn't do it just to piss me off. It sounds different coming from her like something a little sister would call their older brother. Not something an older brother says to his little brother just to make him mad."

I put my hands up in front of me signaling a truce but we both know I'm not going to stop calling him whatever the hell I want to. I go out front and start to load up the car with my stuff. I do a quick check of my weapons and I stop. I don't need weapons. I am going on a vacation. Well shit. I don't know how to plan for one of those. I should just bring everything because you never know what could attack you on the road. I go back inside and start to collect different weapons that I have been using to train Lara with and put them back in the trunk. I might has well put her sword in there too. She sure as hell won't be using any knives.

I hear her before I see her. "Thanks Sammy! Bye Uncle Bobby I love you both!" Then I hear a pause they must be talking. "Don't worry we'll be safe and you two better be safe as well." Then I see her come out the door. She is wearing another turtleneck. I know she doesn't want me to see her neck. This one is light pink. With a pair of jeans that are tucked into a pair of knee high boots. Her hair is pulled up into a loose bun and when she turns around to wave at Sam and Bobby I see that she put the dandelions I gave her into the bun. Then I notice a long shiny object in her left hand.

"What's that?" I ask pointing to it.

She throws her bag in the trunk and lifts up the object. "Cas gave this to me just a few moments ago. He said it is an angel blade and that I should practice with it. Even though and I quote Dean sucks at swords." She welds it experimentally in her hands and hands it off to me. "Might has well put it in the trunk for now. I don't think I can wear that thing around with getting a little attention." Cas must be worried if he's giving her one those.

We get situated in the car and Sam and Bobby both come out to say bye to us one last time. Then we can hit the road. She looks happy but I can tell she's tired. She didn't sleep well last night. I can't believe she put the flowers in her hair. Before I know what I am doing I reach out and lightly touch one. She blushes. "I never got flowers before so I didn't want to waste them."

"They're just weeds. You don't have to like them." Now I feel guilty. The first flowers she gets shouldn't be weeds poking out from some gravel in Bobby's driveway.

Her hands flutter to her hair and she lightly touches one of them. "No, I like them. They look like little suns. They're beautiful."

We drive in silence for a few hours. She enjoys just watching the scenery has we drive. I feel like I should try and explain myself now but I'm too nervous to bring it up. The nerves are making me want to throw up. "Lara" she looks over at me "I feel like I need to explain what happened."

She frowns, I hate being the reason she's frowning. "It's ok Dean. You don't need to explain anything. I saw you guys together. You are a family. I know you love her and I know that if I wasn't too afraid to be on my own you would have left with them today." I can see tears start to well up in her eyes again.

I pull the car off to the side of the road and turn of the engine and look at her. "Well apparently I do need to explain because that's not it at all." She gives me a puzzled look and wipes her eyes. "There was a time when I did love her and I will always love Ben like a son but they aren't my family. You are." Shit did I just say that? "You and Sam and Bobby you guys are my family. I tried with them and it didn't work because it wasn't meant to work. Even if you weren't here I wouldn't have left with them today because we don't fit together quite right. I did sleep with her but it's because I am an asshole. While I was doing it I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't seem…"

Lara silenced me by putting her finger over my mouth. "Dean I don't want to hear about you and her together. I know you regret it because it hurt her."

"Not because it hurt her Lara, it's because it hurt you."

She stops for a moment and I can see the color rise to her face. "I'm fine Dean." She pauses for a moment and I can see she is getting nervous."You don't have to worry about hurting me or upsetting me ok." I try to respond but she gives me a glance that tells me to be quiet. "You saved me from a life of living hell. I owe you my life."

I want to say something but I feel like right now isn't the time to start yapping. "You, Sam, Bobby, and Jody, and hell even Cas are my family too. I would do anything for you guys. The last thing I ever want to do is cause you to feel guilty or angry. Because it's the last feeling I have when I think of you. So please don't try to apologize. Trust me I've done a lot of similar things that I am ashamed of too."

So this is what Cas was trying to tell me about. "You were being possessed at the time. There was nothing you could have done." I tell her gently.

She smirks and looks out the window. "I may have been possessed but I was awake for it. I remember everything I have done. Every person I killed, every person I slept with, everyone person I hurt. There are always choices Dean. I could have killed myself and been done with it but I was too weak to. They told me if I killed myself that I would go to hell where they would torture me every day for eternity." She stops and looks at me with tears in her eyes. "I tried once. About six years ago I had come back from a mission where the demon had me kill mothers and their children. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't even talk for awhile because of the grief. They allowed me to work out for 1 hour every day and there were all kinds of ropes and stuff in there. I tried to hang myself. The demon that found me cut me free and I was punished. But I wanted to die I felt so horrible about what my hands had done I couldn't take it. And I could have stopped it and made sure I didn't hurt anyone ever again."

I put my hand on her shoulder. I'm not sure if she wants me to touch her or not. If she had killed herself then there may have been a chance I would seen her in hell. There may have been a chance I would had tortured her in hell. "None of that was your fault Lara. You need to let it go."

"It was Dean. I could have pushed the demon out. I'm learning how to do it and if I had tried then I could have taken control." To my delight she moves across the seat and lets me hold her.

"Cas just started to teach you that and it almost killed you the first time you did it and he wasn't even resisting you. What I did I was in full control of my body the entire time. There is a very big difference."

She doesn't move for a moment. "It doesn't matter who did what we are good and let's just write it off to a mistake and move on from it. Ok?"

I want to apologize to her over and over again but I can tell she doesn't want that. "Yea, it was a mistake and we won't talk about it again." She seems to relax and she lays back into the seat. I want to talk to her about what she said last night about being gross and disgusting but I think we shouldn't try to tackle every problem in one day.

"I'm starving can we stop for some food soon?" I laugh and shake my head yes. This girl is the only person who can keep up with my appetite.

We had left early in the morning so we got into Seattle pretty late at night. On the car ride we decided to spend a two days in the city and two days in the mountains but she wants a hotel where the room has a soaker tub. That shouldn't be too difficult right? Um that would be a negative. Apparently hotels only have regular tubs these days. It's getting really late and we can't seem to find one. "Dean, it's fine let's just get a room. I don't need a soaker tub. It was just something I said." I can tell she is getting tired.

"No Lara. You said you wanted one so I am going to find it. It shouldn't be this difficult." I had decided we weren't going to stay in our regular run down motels. I have never been on a vacation before and it was going on Jesse Erps credit card. More importantly she has never been on a vacation before and it should be nicer than a charge by the hour motel where you share your room with rats and roaches.

We're driving by the pier and it's late. I'm about to head back into the city when I hear her gasp. I stop since there isn't any traffic and try to see what she's looking at. "Can we stay there? It's right on the water!" She looks too excited for me to say no.

The sign said the Edgewater. You have got to be kidding me. This is where Led Zeppelin had the Red Snapper incident. Sure why the hell not. "If this is what you want sure. I'm not promising anything by the way of a tub though."

"I don't care anymore. The hotel is literally over the water." I pull up and we park out front and grab our bags and head into the lobby. Well this sure has hell beats the shitty motels I usually stay in. We make out way over to the check in desk where an elderly man is working.

When he sees us he smiles and waves us up. "How can I help you both this evening?"

Lara looks positively giddy and keeps moving and looking at everything. "I was hoping for a room for the next two days." The man smiles and starts to clatter away at his computer.

"I'm out of regular rooms but for a nice couple like yourself I will upgrade you to the waterfront suite." The old man gives me a wink while Lara runs off to the fireplace in the lobby. "I think she'll like it."

"That would be great. We've been driving almost all day is there anywhere to get a bite to eat this late?"

"Oh no sir. Most places are closed but we have a room service menu that you can find in your room."

I hand over Jesse Erps credit card and he rings it through. Lara is staring out the window completely transfixed on the view of the moon over the water. "That space needle, is there anything to do there?" I remember her going on and on about it from the papers Sam printed out.

The man smiles at me. "There is a restaurant but you'll want to make reservations and there is a dress code for dinner if you were interested in going."

"Can you make us reservations for tomorrow night?" The man shakes his head yes. "I'll leave you a note under your door."

I pick up our bags and take the room key. "Thanks for your help." And I go collect Lara who can't stop staring outside. "Come on, I'm exhausted." She follows me to the elevator and we go up to our room.

I let her put the key in the door and open it and we are both shocked. "This might be the nicest place I have ever slept."

Lara drops the key card on the floor and starts exploring the room. The guy wasn't kidding when he said a suite. "Dean we have a sitting room with a fire place." Then she disappears into the bedroom. "There's a fire place in the bedroom" then a sort pause. "Dean there is a tub!" She yells at me from the bathroom. I'm glad she is happy. It's been a rough last few days and she needs a good one.

I drop the bags on the bed and she runs back to the sitting room and opens the curtains. "There is a balcony and it looks right over the water!" She squeals at me as I hear the door to the outside open. "You have to come out here it is beautiful." She tells me from the balcony.

Wow it is. The moon is sparkling over the water but I can't stop staring at her. The moon is sparkling off her eyes and she looks so happy and peaceful. She looks at me and pushes into my side with her hip until I put my arm around her. "I'm really glad we came here Dean."

I look down at her. "I am really glad we did too. Let's get some room service and head to bed. The list of things you wanted to do tomorrow is a mile long."

After a very late dinner we both change and get ready for bed. I salt the doors and the windows and come back into the bedroom. She's wearing a night gown I have never seen before. It must have been something Jody made her pick up the day we all went shopping. It's a silk night gown the color of her eyes with a plunging neck line. She has no clue how sexy she looks in and how much I want to jump her right now but the cut is just highlighting what I did to her neck so I am not sure what to expect tonight. I'm not sure if she wants me to sleep on the edge of the bed or possibly even take the couch. Lara starts the fire in the fire place in the bedroom and starts to pull back the covers and get into bed. "Lara do you want me to sleep in here or on the couch?"

She looks at me and laughs while turning off the light. "Open the curtains and get into bed silly. I want to see the sunrise on the water when it happens. And crack the window a bit I want to be able to hear the ocean. The fire is lit so we shouldn't get to cold." I guess that means she doesn't want me to sleep on the couch. I open the curtains and crack the window. I crawl in to the other side of the bed.

I lay there not moving closer to her. The last time we were in bed she told me not to touch her so I'm not going to push my luck. I can hear the water lapping under the window. Her breathing sounds are peaceful but I can tell she's thinking about something. I really hope it's not kicking me out of bed because I'm really comfortable at this moment. After about 15 minutes I feel her start to move and I'm worried she's going to ask me to leave but instead and she moves closer to me and snuggles into my side. "I'm scared. I know we can fight them but I'm still scared. What if they find us and take me back there?" She whispers to me.

I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. "I won't let them take you. And with your shooting skills you won't let them take you either."

She laughs for a second then gets serious again. "If they take me don't come after me. They will kill you. I promise I will end it somehow just don't risk your life or anyone else."

I pull her closer to me. "I'm not going to promise that Lara. I will come after you. Cas, Sam, and Bobby will be right next to me. You're part of this family now and we don't leave a man behind."

She relaxes into me. "Thanks Dean. I've never been part of a family before." I smile, I don't think she's mad at me and despite the fact I think she should keep away from me. She trusts me. Perhaps those assholes are right. I need to just let go and stop trying to push her away because right now it sure feels good to pull her closer.

a/n sorry this chapter was kind of gushy. I really didn't intend it to happen but it morphed into it. And for anyone who doesn't know about the red snapper Led Zeppelin incident I recommend looking it up just for a laugh.