[+]

Scene 25: A Judgment is Passed

or

"sans."

Welp. Things were going too fast again. Time to slow them down.

Sans felt for the point five cycle class as he walked. The familiar pattern tickled his awareness, something like color and something like flavor, but not really quite either. After a half second, he felt the passage of his favorite half cycle: 201.5. He didn't have a reason it was his favorite—he just knew it was, 'cause he'd told himself once in a note. As the sequence of 256 repeated, Sans felt the pinprick of 201.5 each time, once per second, until he was flinching slightly each time it came around. His footsteps grew regular. Once the pattern was nice and easy, he hitched himself to the half cycle and felt things slow down, just like always. Technically he was speeding up, but it always felt more natural to think of it as the world slowing down. He repeated the procedure twice more, until he was hitting on eight times as many cycles as normal. Now it finally felt comfortable to walk.

Sans moseyed through the catacombs until he reached the wall. The way through was too small for him, so he had to use another trick, but he was used to that by now. He'd been getting used to the idea that the Ruins were his new home—that Snowdin was gone and the world was just smaller now, and that was okay. It felt right. But now there were three, and three was a crowd, and because of that Sans just couldn't stop going places, even when there was no point going anywhere anymore.

The rock wasn't there for every part of every cycle. It regenerated on every cycle, but it did it by spawning right from the lath points, so if he stood left of a lath and moved just a tiny bit at the end of each cycle, he could get through the rock. It wasn't pleasant, but neither was feeling cooped in. So he concentrated for long enough to get through the wall, and then he was in the snow forest where things were cold again, like he liked them these days.

Thoughts? Didn't need 'em. He had trees, and snow, and frigidity, and time. Whenever he heard someone nearby, he took the long route and skirted around. Sans didn't want to run into anyone just now except his friend. That gave him plenty of time to empty his head out along the way. If there wasn't enough time? He could just make more.

The river sounded strange at one eighth speed. It was like an avalanche in the distance, but with extra texture laced through, as if speeding it up would make it resolve into a familiar song. Sans had wondered, once, whether the river's babbling really was a song at some speed, but no matter how much he experimented, he never quite got music from it.

Still. the Wrong Number Song had to come from somewhere, didn't it? No one could have invented that melody. If it wasn't the river, it had to be the wind, or the rain, or the bursting of magma somewhere else in the Underground. Someday, he'd find its source.

These were thoughts, sure. But they were so well worn they barely counted. For the most part, Sans' skull was so empty he reached the outlet before he even knew it. He walked to the bank of the river and spent a few moments shedding the extra cycles that kept catching on his consciousness until he was back to normal. It was way easier to drop a cycle class than to pick it up. A lot of things were like that, really. Socks, for example.

Then it was time to concentrate on how much he wanted to travel on the river. He'd found that it didn't work to pretend. He had to have a real reason for wanting to go somewhere, and for better or worse, current events had given him one. Sans wasn't a big fan of concentration, though, so thankfully it wasn't long before his old friend appeared in the distance. The raft skipped for a while over the waves before settling into an easy drift that carried it to a halt. Sure enough, it stopped right in front of Sans, the riverman looming over him.

"Care for a ride?"

"yeah," said Sans, getting on. "thanks for stopping by. i was starting to think i might have to swim."

The boatman pushed off, not answering. That was fine. He didn't always answer right away. Sans knew what it was like not wanting to talk. It didn't matter anyway, since the funny thing about these trips was that they were always exactly the right length.

"Where will we go today?" asked the riverman.

"the castle. you heard about the big shindig they're having up there?"

"Shindig?"

"you know. celebration of the life of the royal scientist? girl who bumped herself off the other day?"

The figure straightened as he poled the raft a bit faster, now headed downstream. "The state funeral."

"yeah, that's the one. so you did hear about it."

"I've carried dozens of monsters there since early this morning."

"well. then i guess you must have an opinion of it by now."

The riverman was silent. Riverperson, whatever. If Sans didn't know the guy was a man, he definitely wouldn't be able to tell from when he acted like this.

"don't suppose you knew the deceased?"

"No better than she knew herself."

Sans was dumbfounded for a moment. "kind of a high bar to set. don't most people know themselves best?"

"Tra la la," said the riverman. Snowy banks rolled by.

Well, when the boatman broke out his Tra la la line, it was time to change the subject. Even if he was harder to know these days, Sans still knew him that well. "so. you heard about how the souls got lost, right?"

"The six human children? Where could they be by now? Making friends with clouds?"

"yeah, i dunno. i doubt that. but when the kid took asgore out, they either took the souls with 'em or set 'em free. must be a bit of a relief, huh?"

The riverman looked ominously at Sans. "Seven little flies in a spider's web. Do you think number one feels any safer than number seven?"

So he was talking in riddles now. Well, Sans was used to that, and he got the meaning. Sure, the boatman's soul wouldn't be number seven anymore if anyone ever found out he was secretly human, but with Undyne in charge, it still wasn't like he'd be allowed to live. "still nervous, huh?"

"In a way, one's brain is all nerves."

"well. i used to be nervous too, i guess. what i'm feeling these days? it's different. but it's not any better."

The cowled head turned from the water to Sans. "Are you all out of hope?"

Good question. Was he? "hope for what? for happiness? yeah, i just might be."

The riverman turned back toward the water. They were racing along now.

"…for other people's happiness?" Sans continued. "i don't think so. there's still hope for that."

"Does it matter?" asked the riverman.

Well, how was he supposed to take that? "of course it matters. if i can't be happy, at least someone ought to be."

"Does it make you happy when others are?"

That, Sans had to think about. For sure, it used to make him happy when Papyrus was. Really, that had been his greatest joy. "i guess. but it's not the same as being happy myself."

The riverman was silent a while. "A bag of flour was made into a cake," he eventually said. "But it wasn't the same as being a cake in the first place."

Sans shook his head. "that doesn't make a ton of sense, geldegarde."

But the boatman was silent, just as the racing black water was. They were in Waterfall now.

"how can anything be a cake in the first place?"

There wasn't any answer.

"no cake starts out a cake. you've got to make it one. what's the metaphor here?"

No answer.

Well, what was the difference between now and before, anyway? Between taking happiness in Papyrus's antics and… being happy that Toriel was happy? Or even… or even Alphys? Was that really so different?

The way he'd cared about his brother… he wasn't going to have that kind of bond ever again with anyone, he knew. But that didn't make caring about him any different from caring about anyone else. Aside from that Papyrus had been special.

But everyone was special in some way.

"i guess i'm not out of hope, no," he admitted. "it's just… there's a lot less now to hope for. that's all."

"Never fear. Maybe you'll turn into a butterfly! The water is looking wet today."

"it's water, geldegarde. being wet is what it does. and i'm not gonna turn into anything. i'm too old for that." With Asgore gone, Sans realized, the riverman was the only person left who knew how old he really was.

"One monster turned into an empress. Another turned into a splotch at the bottom of a waterfall. Who knows what you could turn into?"

Yeah, right. "well, as it happens, i'm on my way to go check on that empress. see how she's doing. but don't worry. i won't spill your secret."

"That I used to operate an elevator?"

"sure. let's go with that."

There were times Sans regretted introducing the fallen human he'd met to his grandfather. Sans had been just a kid; he figured if anyone could help his scared new friend find a way to hide himself from Asgore, Grandpa could. But the process had messed the riverman up… even more than Sans had been. At least all Grandpa had done to Sans was to educate him. That was bad enough. But the riverman was changed from the core up. Personality-wise, Sans barely recognized him anymore.

Everyone had their own ways of coping, but Sans was better at it than most. He'd managed to stay more or less the same as he'd always been. He was just a little heavier with secrets now than he'd used to be. But technically he was middle aged now, and a little dumpiness was normal in middle age, right?

They'd reached Hotland. The raft was coming to a speedy halt. Sans could see monsters milling around in crowds, some of them wearing black. The funeral couldn't be far off.

"Tra la la. Glad I could help!

"yeah. i dunno if you helped, but it was good to talk. take care, okay?"

"Come again some time!"

"count on it," said Sans. True, part of him wanted to just disappear into the Ruins forever, but how could he abandon his oldest friend? He knew he'd be back next time he had an excuse to ride the river.

The raft moved off, and Sans paused to hook up with his familiar cycle classes again. Half phase, quarter phase, tenths, thirtieths. If he wanted to stay unseen in a populated place, he had to slow things down a lot more. It meant extra work, but it was worth it. Soon, Sans was doing things in a jiffy—a sixtieth of a second—that would normally take a whole second to get through.

So. Time to find Undyne. He checked the castle first, of course. There were guards there, but not a ton—leave it to a skeleton to evade a skeleton crew. But Undyne wasn't there, so Sans followed the crowds. Which is to say, he went where the nearly immobile clumps of monsters were thickest.

That led him to the Core, which was a place he didn't like going. It made him uncomfortable for a few reasons. Still, he'd come this far—it'd be a shame to give up now. Monsters were wandering the halls of the Core in pairs and groups, chatting and watching something on TV screens set in the walls. Looked like Mettaton's show. Sans paused to watch for a while, but it was just random contestants doing puzzles he guessed had been designed by Dr. Alphys. No Undyne there either.

So he watched the guards. In particular, he watched their eyes. The little movements that showed where their minds were, which direction their attentions lay. Even if they weren't guarding the empress directly, if they knew where she was, they'd reflect that in the way they moved. And when they were moving this slowly, a guy like Sans could take in all the details.

There it was. Got it. Undyne was someplace in the Core, but she was watching from higher up. Maybe a balcony—more likely a private room. He climbed the first ladder he could find and wandered on the second level for a while. Up another ladder. More wandering. Finally, he found a couple of guards in an unlikely place, slipped past them, and there she was.

It was probably a conference room when there wasn't a state funeral going on. Long table, big TV screen on one wall, giant window at the end of the room looking down on the crowds—Sans was guessing it was made of one way glass. Mettaton's show was on the screen. Some mouse in gray overalls was trying to maneuver a giant robotic diamond through a maze of triangles before it got splintered by crabs. She kept clicking a remote control that made it turn and slide. Undyne was way more rapt than Sans would've expected her to be. Since when did she like puzzles? Or watch Mettaton's show?

"hey," he said.

Undyne whipped around like she'd been wound about five times too tight. She swung magic energy spears humming in every direction. "WHO'S THERE?"

Sans decoupled himself down to triple time and lifted a hand. "just me. what's up?" It wasn't hard to talk at a third his normal speed—he just had to be extra lazy.

The piscine eye flashed and the spear went up. "Pap's brother! What was it… Sans! What are you doing here?!"

"just paying a visit. you can put the spear down, by the way. no one here's getting hurt today."

The empress cautiously lowered her weapon. Half her left ear was missing—probably happened in the battle somehow after he'd had to disappear. "How did you get past my guards?" she demanded. Wow. Double question marks on the heels of question-exclamation. At this rate, she'd be breaking out the interrobangs soon.

"they were kinda slow, so i slipped past. how's the whole supreme ruler thing working out for you?"

She flashed him a toothy look of consternation. Most people weren't toothy and consternated at the same time, but Undyne's expressions were usually pretty tooth-heavy. "What do you think?" She gestured to the television. The contestants' and host's podiums were all emblazoned with Alphys's face, to remind everyone who the event was for.

"i think things must've gone pretty sideways, for you to be all buddy-buddy with mettaton. i thought you didn't like him."

"I don't. But he can be funny sometimes, and besides, he's all I've got."

"would've thought a bigshot guard like you would have friends."

As she stared at the screen, the base of her spear pounded resonantly against the floor. "I used to. Until recently." Those words weren't easy to get out. "Now all I've got is fans."

"fans, huh? sounds like mettaton's way of doing things."

She shrugged hard. "I'm willing to let him run the empire if he wants to. All I want to do is break out and start wreaking havoc on the surface."

"really? that's all you want to do? you don't want to, i don't know… kick back at a bar somewhere and have a hot dog?"

She glared at him, but there was confusion and longing in her glare—Sans picked up a trace of it on the third-cycle. "No!" she shouted. "I want to take humanity to task for who they are!"

"and who's that?" asked Sans.

"…I don't have a word for how bad they are. If I called them something ugly—something like ravaging murderers or soul-eating terrors—I'd just be insulting murderers and terrors. There's no way to describe them except by what they are. More awful than anyone can imagine."

"wow, undyne. why don't you say how you really feel."

She stood there in misery, staring at the screen. "I can't."

Sans stood there thinking for a minute. He was kind of impressed by the height of Undyne's hatred. It was making it tough for him, though—he wanted to get a read on the empress, but it's hard to tell the shape of something if there's a spire sticking up so high you can't see the end of it.

"is that why you threw out the queen? so you could get back at humanity?"

She glowered and breathed harder. "Yeah. Because she wasn't going to do it."

Sans paused. "she loves humans, huh?"

Undyne grasped her spear so hard it quivered and nearly broke. "She thinks so, anyway."

That was interesting. "you think maybe she didn't really love her kids?"

Undyne turned her eyes to Sans, full of negativity. Fear, shame, anger, a good dose of wanting him gone. "Let's get one thing straight. Those kids? They were never her kids. They were never going to grow up the way she wanted. They were going to grow up their own way, no matter what she did with them! Maybe they made her think they loved her. That's just the way they are. They fool you into letting down your guard. Honestly, she's lucky none of them ever stuck around long enough to kill her."

She didn't pull punches, Sans had to give her that. "but even if they didn't really love her, that doesn't mean she didn't love them."

Undyne's face twisted as she returned her attention to the monitor. "I don't even know what it means to love something like that."

Welp, this case was looking pretty cut and dried. But Sans still wanted to know what else was in there besides hatred. "so tell me, undyne. say you break through. say we go to the surface and you field an army against humans, and you win. you vanquish the world. wipe them out, one and all. what then?"

She grunted. "Then we live in peace. Use the land for our own purposes! Till our own crops! Plant our own dirt! We get to finally breathe out… and relax."

Sans processed this. "fair enough. but what about you? what will you do?"

The piscine shoulders slumped. "I'll be done, I guess. I'll let someone else run things."

"sure. and then?"

She looked at him with angry disgust. "And then what?"

Sans stood his ground. "what'll you do then?"

Undyne blinked. "How should I know? That's a world away! Maybe I'll take up cross-stitch or something boring like that!"

"nah. you wouldn't do something for fun if you thought it was boring."

She blasted the floor next to Sans with a glowing spear. "Well, what do you think I should do, then?"

Sans shrugged. "it's not up to me. you really saying you've got no idea?"

Undyne shivered and leaned forward. She clutched her spear, the real one, to her chest. "Maybe I'll take a look around. See what the surface has to offer."

"any idea what that might be?'

She shut her eyes. "Long sloping beaches… rocky flats by the water, for running over… deep sunsets and quiet nights… aside from the wind rustling through the tall grass…"

Sans was impressed. "you been thinking about that a while?"

But Undyne didn't answer right away. She only opened her eyes after a minute had passed. "Hell. I guess I must have."

"not bad," said Sans. But Undyne stayed in thought a while more, and Sans didn't interrupt.

"You know what I wouldn't mind doing, Sans?"

"what's that?"

Her ears rose to their full, wounded splendor. "Swimming in the ocean. Now that'd probably be something."

It probably would. But he stayed quiet. And Undyne was quiet too. For half a minute, they stood there, imagining someplace far away that probably didn't exist at all.

A bell chimed thrice.

Undyne's spear was at the ready, her body glowing with energy, eyes wide and betrayed. "What the hell!?"

Sans held up a hand. "it's nothing. don't worry, that happens around me now and then."

She kept searching for the source of the bells. Then she jerked in surprise and looked at Sans. "You… you're the one who judged me, all those years back. When I was just starting out as captain! That was YOU!"

Sans held up his other hand. "guilty. guess i just couldn't help myself, since i came back for more."

"You just judged me AGAIN!"

He nodded. "wasn't hard. you're kind of an open book right now."

"Well, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? An open book is what the monsters need right now!"

"i'm not disagreeing. something to be said for transparency. and to your credit…"

He spotted the release of Undyne's spear on the two-thirds cycle and scrambled for a grip on any class he could get. Equipped with a messy hodge-podge of cycles, he leapt aside, grinning, then let go of everything but the thirds again. Luckily, it fell away without getting tangled… this time. Undyne's thrown spear clattered on the floor where he'd been.

"… to your credit," he continued, "you are the person you say you are. i was worried you might've chucked toriel out just so you could have power. but that wasn't it at all."

"No," spat Undyne. "That wasn't it! I never wanted to be in charge! I just REALLY DO HATE HUMANS THAT MUCH!" Her fists and biceps tensed in angry frustration.

"yeah," said Sans. "and it looks like you could use some comfort. so i'll give you a reward for being honest." He didn't know if this was the smart thing to do, but his better nature wouldn't let him walk away without offering.

Undyne stood straight, but her expression sagged. "What?"

"i'll tell you something. you just have to promise not to do anything dumb about it."

She stared. "Do you really think I can keep a promise like that?"

"doesn't matter, so long as you make it and mean it."

She sighed. "I promise. What do you have to tell me?"

"alphys isn't dead. i'm not saying she'll ever come back… she probably won't. that waterfall's pretty deep. but she's alive out there, somewhere."

That expression of amazement… not just at what she'd been told, but at the fact that anything could bring her such unexpected joy… well, it was what Sans lived for. Maybe the riverman had been right. Maybe bringing happiness to others really was as good as being happy himself.

"She's alive?! She's really alive? Have you seen her?!"

"yeah. i've seen her. she's in good health. can't tell you where, though, so don't ask."

Undyne's face was wild. "You have to bring her back here!"

"can't do that," he replied, shaking his head.

She stepped forward, falling to one knee. "Then you have to take me to where she is!"

He shook his head again. "sorry. can't do that either."

She looked like she wanted to cry, to exult, to punch the world in the gut. "Alphys…"

"so. there you go. you're welcome."

He turned to leave, but she cried, "Wait!"

"yeah?"

"…Is she happy?"

That, he had to think about. She'd seemed pretty overwrought when he'd talked to her. But at least she was letting all her troubles out. That was a big deal, he knew. "you know what? i think she's getting there."

Undyne bent over on her knees and clasped her hands, her chest convulsing.

"by the way, i like the new look. one and a half ears really suits you. goes with the whole one eye thing."

She looked up angrily and hovered an energy spear to her side.

"well," said Sans. "be seeing you." He stepped out of the room.

Sans took the ladder down again and found a nook to hide in, just in case Undyne followed. But she didn't. So he worked his way back up to thirtieths and got to work edging his way out of the Core. It was tricky, since the walls there regenerated twice as fast as the ones in the Ruins, but he didn't want to risk just walking out in case Undyne had notified the guards. When someone was looking for you, even jiffy-cycles sometimes weren't enough to stay unseen.

Once outside, he wandered over to the MTT soundstage. The show was still going on, so he slipped inside and stood unnoticed among the crowd for a while. He figured while he was here, he might as well watch the festivities in progress. The competition he'd seen on the screen had just ended; the mouse was the proud winner, grinning on a podium with a gold ribbon clutched in her hands. From there, Mettaton segued into a poem he'd written about Alphys. He performed it dramatically while gesturing broadly on a rising platform while being sprayed by illuminated gold fountains. The flared collar he had on was so huge and dramatic that it sometimes upstaged him. But Sans paid attention to the words of the poem. He caught all the fat gobs of irony Mettaton had worked in, and that he figured most monsters would probably miss. Mettaton wasn't so much talking about Alphys as he was talking about his own complex feelings about her. From that alone, Sans could tell he was a real mess inside. But he wasn't doing another judgment today, so that was something the robot would have to work out on his own.

The poem ended, the audience cheered, and Sans slipped out again. He found his way back to Hotland and walked until the crowds were behind him. It was too soon to bother the riverman again, so he'd take the long way back. Well, not the really long way Toriel had walked. Sans really did know a few shortcuts.

Once he reached Snowdin, he loitered a while. The question he had to decide was: was he willing to be seen here? If he was, folks might start asking where'd he been the last few days. But that was no problem—he could just tell them he'd been napping. It was more or less true. There were problems with being seen, but probably bigger problems if he just disappeared entirely. People would ask what happened to the little skeleton. Did he get dusted along with his brother? Did he follow the old queen into the Ruins? Nah, probably better to hang out and keep pretending things were more or less the way they'd always been.

So he dropped all his extra cycles and moseyed over to Grillby's. Like the town itself, it was almost empty. Grillby was there, and Bettina was on the big table next to a half-eaten platter of onion cubes and buffalo antennae. She looked unhappy until her big ears heard Sans and she whirled around to greet him. "Sansy! You're here! I've been s-s-so lonely, Sansy—come in and keep me company!"

Sans shrugged and sat down next to the disembodied rabbit head. "i guess everyone went off to the funeral, huh?"

"Y-y-yeah, nobody wanted to carry me!" Bettina bounced spitefully. "I don't know wh-wh-why—I'm a b-bundle of fun!"

Grillby's huge radio had been wheeled out, and it was playing a slow dirge of a ballad—some tenor singing about a lost love. Judging by the occasional crowd noises, it was probably the end of the funeral. "but at least you got to listen to it, huh?" said Sans, indicating the radio.

"Well, yeaah… but if you can't see the expressions on the p-p-p-people's faces, it's just not the same!"

"you a fan of funerals, betty?"

"You know me, Sansy! I'm a fan of anything that sh-sh-sh-shakes things up! I've had Grillbz mixing up new cocktails for me all day!"

"`\/\/`';~|." contributed Grillby from behind the bar.

"What's he saying, Sans? You kn-kn-know I can't understand him."

"i think he's saying it's easy to mix new drinks, but most of them aren't any good."

"Well of COURSE they're no good! We don't have any fresh ingredients here, so it's the s-same ingredients, day after day! I have GOT to get to the overworld someday!"

"eh. probably not all its cracked up to be."

"Well, NO, but at least it'd be NEW!" countered Bettina, hopping about the surface of the table.

"sure. i guess there's that," said Sans. He wandered over to the bar. "hey grillbz. i'm thinking of selling the house. it's too big for just me. know anyone who might be interested?"

Grillby had to think a bit, for once. "-=+$[|]=?-.;"

"eh, maybe i'd pay off my tab. about time i did that, right? or maybe i'd just leave that tab open and use it to start a new tab."

"+o-|::.'{}", said the proprietor.

"well, there's not a lot else i feel like doing these days. to be honest, there wasn't a lot i felt like doing even before it… you know… happened. now there's even less. but hey, i'll always have grillby's right?"

"[…]-`;,-\\|:"

"yeah. oh and hey, grillby? if i start not coming around as much… don't take it personally, ok? i'm not spending as much time in snowdin these days."

".-?-,~}|-,:'

"oh, here and there. you know how sometimes you just can't stay put? you go someplace familiar and you just can't stay there any longer?"

":|]|/(*-"

"nah, you're right. maybe you wouldn't know. you've been here basically forever, haven't you, grillbz?"

"I know how that feels!" interjected Bettina from the big table. "I get wanderlust all the t-t-time!"

"~~ . ~~\-/||" said Grillby.

"You aren't gonna leave us, are you Sans? The f-f-folks around here are so boring, I don't know wh-what I'd do without you!"

"eh, you'd get by," said Sans, strolling back over to give the bunny a pat between the ears. "you make your own fun."

"Well, sure I do! But if you meet any h-h-hot guys wherever you're going, send 'em my way!"

"will do," Sans promised. Funny how making promises didn't bother him when he knew he'd never have to make good.

He left the bar and was back in the cold. It felt good. Before leaving town, he stopped at his house to pack a sloppy box of random things—he'd bring them to the Ruins one poorly organized boxload at a time. Then he headed down into the tundra for a stroll beside the cliffs. He thought about stopping to build a mound of snow and put his name on it, but without Papyrus around to bug, he didn't see the point.

The cliffs led him to the Ruins wall, and instead of bothering to climb up, he just hooked cycle two-oh-one and a half again and slipped back inside, then took a few minutes to warm up. A little wandering around the catacombs and he found some stairs. Sans wasn't in any hurry to get back to the house, aside from being a little tired of lugging the box.

But he didn't have anything really pressing to spend his time thinking about, either, so it seemed like almost no time at all before he arrived at the yard with the sweeping wind and dead tree. Could have stayed back in Snowdin, he reminded himself. If I come here, it's because I like it here. So why I am I afraid to walk though that door?

He didn't have an answer. So, shrugging mentally against what might come, he set the box of stuff down outside the door and moseyed inside.

There was a big banner strung up over the staircase in the foyer. "PLEASE FORGIVE US, SANS!" The letters were made from cut-out scraps of cloth. The scientist was on a meditation mat and bent down quickly with a hoot when she saw Sans come in. Toriel hurried hastily out of the kitchen and knelt down on a matching mat. Both their heads touched the floor at the same time, just as the sound of sacred chants emanated from somewhere. What in the hell?

The two ladies raised their heads together. "We have done you wrong, Sans," they said in unison. "Is there any path to forgiveness?"

This was really weird. Sans stared. "uh. you, uh. you really put some work into this, huh?"

Toriel smiled humbly. "We are willing to put quite a bit more work into it, if it is necessary."

"Yeah!" chimed Alphys. "W-we'll do penance for you! Whatever punishment you think is fair."

"It was our foolishness that cost your brother's life," said Toriel, "and we have resolved ourselves to paying the price."

"I'll do anything," said Alphys. "A-a-anything you say!"

What. The. Flip. Sans' preliminary shrug hadn't fortified him against this. Sure, it was kind of funny and kind of touching, but it angered him, too. "so you decided we'd have a little penance party? just to get rid of all that pesky guilt? where's that chanting coming from? someone hidden in the rafters?" He stepped forward and looked up. Sure enough, two rows of monsters were perched on the open roof beams over the staircase. Migospels were doing the chanting, while Moldessas and Parsniks provided the background ambience. Their intonations and hisses petered out when they saw Sans' disapproval.

"Alphys and I wanted to surprise you with something," said Toriel. "And our desire to make things right between us is genuine. Is there nothing we can do to help you feel better?"

It's not about you, Sans wanted to snap. No penance can bring Papyrus back, so how am I supposed to feel better? But he stopped himself. Part of his anguish really was the fact that he had to co-exist with Alphys now, after her childish fangirl approach to a human invader had ruined his life. "i've got no truck with you, toriel. it's this lizard i'm mad at."

Alphys slumped in shame. Toriel straightened, though she was still on her knees. "I understand, Sans. But I would like to perform any penance that you give Alphys as well. I am equally guilty, and I would not like her to feel that she is alone."

Possible punishments flashed through the skeleton's mind. Jog around the house until you're so queasy you throw up. Go to the part of the catacombs with the holes and fall through the ground a hundred times. Ask one of these Parsniks to flog you within an inch of your life. Foremost among his thoughts, though, was: Leave. Go back to the world and tell them you're still around, that you faked your death. Never come back here.

But he couldn't say that, could he? In fact, he couldn't in good conscience say any of those things, knowing that Toriel was going to do them too. Aside from the fact that, deep down, he didn't want to be the cause of someone getting hurt. He was angry, more angry than he'd realized—blisteringly angry. But that was a step up, wasn't it? He'd hated Alphys. When you hate someone, you don't care about their internal struggles; you just want them gone. Now, the fact he was so indescribably angry at this stammering weeaboo dork… meant he wanted her to change. And that meant that on some level, he did want her around.

And with that, he felt his eyes going dark. Oh well. Might as well roll with it. "go into snowdin town with a disguise. visit the pub, the inn, the library, everywhere. ask the monsters what papyrus was like. don't stop until you've asked everyone you can find. then come back here and tell me what you've learned."

They both stared at him in shock. Were they unsettled by his 'serious' voice, or was the punishment not what they were expecting?

"I-I-I'll do it," said Alphys. "I… I'll need some time to make a good disguise, so they don't know it's me. But I'll go… I'll spend a whole day there. I'll listen to everyone."

"And I will go as well," declared Toriel.

Sans closed his eyes.

Toriel gently touched his shoulder. "I think this is an excellent idea," she said. "Thank you, Sans, for giving us this chance."

He slumped in place. "no problem."

The small monsters flocked out, now chanting and singing again, some of the Migospels giving sermons over each other. Sans just stood there, barely watching them leave. He was in pain again, even though he wasn't the one who was going to have to suffer through a day being stabbed by guilt again and again. Because if Alphys really did this… he was going to have to forgive her. Somehow, he really was going to have to find a way.

It had to happen, though. Because these two weren't going to be happy until they'd had a chance to make things square. And he really did want them to be happy, whatever it took.

The riverman had been right, he realized. There really wasn't any difference between wanting others to be happy and being happy yourself. No more than between a cake that had been a bag of flour and one that'd been a cake in the first place.

Something on the air caught his attention. Speaking of cake, what was in the oven? "toriel?" he asked, walking into the kitchen. "you think something might be burning?"

Toriel gasped and hurried into the kitchen. "Sans, you arrived home at just the wrong time!"

The cake wound up fine, just a little singed around the bottom corners. It was decorated like a skeleton wearing sunglasses on his biceps. "CoolSkeleton95," said the icing across his blazer.

"This is all I could remember about what he looked like," said Alphys apologetically.

There were candles burning in his eyes, and another at the tip of his grinning thumbs-up. "don't worry about it," said Sans, as Toriel lovingly cut the first slice. "it's perfect."

A/N: I would have represented Sans' 'dark speech' by putting spaces between all the letters instead of using bold, but this site strips out single-letter words. I have no idea why.

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