author's notes: update time! been busy catching New Moon (my 3rd time today! who else loved it as much as i did??) in cinemas, so there probably won't be an preview in my comment back. but i still hope you let me know what you think. enjoy this new chapter ;) super-special thanks to my beta helaluvE.

characters (this chapter): Edward/Bella, James/Victoria (POVs are underlined)

warnings: au. wip. all vampire. all canon pairings/characters. changing POVs.

disclaimer: i don't own Twilight, or any of the characters.

IN THE SHADOWS

chapter 25: show and tell (3)

(Bella POV)

I didn't know how to start. Edward had told me that I could remember anything if I wanted it bad enough. My paintings of the little girl were proof enough that the memories existed somewhere in my mind, and I was a vampire after all. If anyone could be made to remember, right now that person would be me.

I took a deep breath; part of me felt stupid closing my eyes again, but it really was easier to rearrange my thoughts that way. All I had to do was think back to when I first saw the baby, but I knew that wasn't going to happen if I couldn't first remember what Victoria's face looked like. So instead of thinking about the little girl I was dying to know, I went back to the first time James had taken me to his Victoria. The night he broke my heart.

I had pushed away that memory so vigorously that it was almost unreachable; it only proved how strong a mind could truly be. I remembered how it had started, James letting me go, even though I protested, an apathy in his eyes that suddenly did have me scared. Another woman stepping out of the shadows, red wavy hair flowing almost graciously in the wind. And then James kissing her greedily. My world had stopped spinning around me.

"Who are you?" I asked, literally glued in place by a paralyzing fear. Her eyes were blood-red. What was going on? Why was he...? The way they acted around one another made me believe that they had known each other for a very long time; how he touched her in a way he had never touched me. He wasn't careful around her either. So all of it was pretend? He pretended to love me? Why? Did he ever even care? After what I just shared with him, he was just going to drop me?

"Always the same inane questions," the woman answered, and she took a step towards me. It was only then that I noticed that her complexion matched James' perfectly; they were both pale-white. She was a vampire too. "We tend not to answer them at the risk of spooking our prey," she stood so close I could smell her; the same sweet smell James had. "But since you're giving us such an amazing gift," her icy hand brushed my hair aside and I felt her breath caress my ear. My own hand went to cover my stomach automatically.

My heartbeat rattled my entire body, my breathing frenzied with fear, but I couldn't move, I couldn't will my body to do anything. The redhead vampire grabbed James by his jacket and pulled him closer, pushing him violently up against the wall, tracing her tongue up his neck. And he took pleasure in it.

I stopped breathing.

My eyes snapped open reflexively, willing the terrible fear to go away. I sat up in the grass and gasped, only then realising I didn't need oxygen anymore. God that memory, so vivid and clear through my human eyes. I knew it was the fear that had kept it strong in my mind for such a long time. It wasn't that I felt bad about it still, getting my heart broken by James. I had after all found a much stronger love that would never leave me.

"Bella, calm down," one of Edward's hands was on my shoulder quickly, his other rubbing my back gently. "It's okay. You're okay," he kissed my hair, but it didn't make me feel okay at all. Something Victoria had said. "Parts of your memory are coming back," Edward said, and it shook me out of my thoughts. "That's good, it means the answers are there." All of a sudden though, I wasn't so sure the answers would be all that pleasant.

"Victoria," I whispered, but my voice gained in momentum when I remember exactly what she had said to me. "She said I was giving them a gift," I frowned, not knowing what to think of the statement. Humans knowing about vampires was forbidden, so why did Victoria so freely offer me the information? Unless... unless she knew I was going to either die or get turned into a vampire.

"She did," Edward rested his chin on my shoulder, affirming again that I heard what I thought I heard. I had given them a gift? My very existence as a vampire seemed to proof that James and Victoria had gotten what they wanted from me. I had woken up alone after I was turned, and they hadn't bothered with me for the past five years. "What did that make you feel? Do you remember that?"

"I felt fear," I remembered how my hand had protected my stomach. Why did I do that? It wasn't fear of dying, it had been something much more instinctual than that. Deeper. "Like she was taking something from me she had no right to."

"Hold on to that feeling. Let it guide you."

Remember the fear, not exactly the most pleasant request anyone had made me, but if it was what needed to be done to get my answers, I would push through. Edward was there to take care of me, to remind me it was all in the past and it couldn't really hurt me. That was enough.

Fear. The thought of dying suddenly did come to mind, but in a very unexpected way. In the memory, I didn't fear death. I couldn't make sense of it; why wasn't I afraid for my own life? It seemed that someone had taken that precedent; I was gladly giving up my life if it meant...

"Get out of here," Victoria snarled and pushed James away from me. Where was I? I was laying down on a bed with Victoria hovering over me. James lingered, even though Victoria was keeping him at arm's length. "We didn't come this far for you to kill her now," she looked back at James, his eyes blood-red. It's then that the smell caught my attention; a strong coppery scent. Blood. "Go!" Victoria shouted.

James ran out of the room, my human eyes barely registering the movement. Why was he going? Wasn't this what they wanted? Me dead?

A high-pitched scream cut through the air. I realised quickly it was my own.

"Stay with me now Bella," Victoria said, and I saw her toss aside a scalpel drenched in blood. My blood. I felt like I knew what was happening all too well, but it didn't reach my conscious mind. "We need him to be safe, yes?" her tone was belittling, like she was talking to a child that didn't understand the brevity of the situation. Part of me didn't, of course, but I had to. I had to remember.

There was a disgusting ripping sound, and I felt something snap inside my body, a bone breaking because too much pressure was being applied. "Save her," I whimpered, feeling my body slip away beyond my control, my head drowsy and spinning at the same time. How did I know it would be a her instead of a him? What was going on?

"Hi baby," Victoria's voice only just reached my human ears. I heard another cry, but this one brought tears to my eyes; to my surprise they were tears of joy. I had gladly surrendered what life I had left to save her. She was alive. My baby was alive.

"NO!" my eyes snapped open violently, and I reached out for something that wasn't even there. My last human memory; I had just seen my last human memory. The last thing I ever saw before I died, before an eternal night took hold of me, before my heart stopped beating entirely; my baby.

"Bella," I had shaken off Edward's hands when I had snapped out of my memory; he didn't put them back on my shoulders. He probably didn't even know what to think right about now. If he witnessed that memory along with me, he knew just how confused I was feeling right now. I had a daughter. I was a mother. "You have..."

"I have a daughter," I turned around and looked him in the eyes. For the first time in my vampire existence, I wished I could cry, at least that seemed like an appropriate way to deal with this right now. "That's why he wanted me. To take my baby," I buried my face in my hands.

Edward had his arms around me in an instant, rocking my body back and forth; the sensation calmed me only slightly. James had never been a darker mark in my life. He had taken everything from me: my love, my life, and now my daughter. I wanted to be able to cry so I could break down, but I couldn't will my brain to do it, because for the first time in my life, I saw my fate clearer than ever before.

This was the life I had spend my vampire existence looking for, here with the Cullens and Edward, relying on the blood of animals instead of feeling guilt-ridden by taking a human life. This is where I belonged, in this life, this place. With Edward. Only now with my daughter as well.

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next chapter: family ties