First, I understand that the PRS 25th Anniversary Dragon was NOT around back in season 3 of House. They probably didn't even have a prototype for the guitar or a design ready back then but I decided to mess with time because that's just how I roll! =D Enjoy anyway!
House me no own-ee
Chapter 25
Though House had told Cuddy to wait a few minutes before joining him in the car as to quell any suspicions, he heard the passenger door open thirty seconds after he had already started the car.
"Someone seems eager," House said, putting the car in gear.
"Where are we going?" she asked as she put on her belt and dropped her purse on the floor.
"Far far away…" House said dramatically.
Cuddy breathed loudly through her nose but said nothing. House couldn't help but laugh. "Are you mad at me?" he asked, finding it impossible to fight off his amusement. "For taking you away from work? Most people would appreciate such a noble and thoughtful gesture--"
"Shut up."
"Come on. Where else do you want to go? What's the next best thing since the hospital's off limits?" When Cuddy didn't say anything for a few moments, House laughed. "Seriously? You can't figure out anything you'd like to do that has nothing to do with work?"
"I can!" Cuddy argued lamely. "I…just can't pick something right now."
House scoffed. "Yeah, right…If you don't pick a place to go, I will, and I promise you, you'll hate it."
Cuddy raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "You had a place in mind?"
"Princeton mall - I ordered a blue Paul Reed Smith 25th Anniversary Dragon."
"Okay…" Cuddy said slowly, these words having absolutely no meaning in Cuddy's mind.
"It's a guitar," House explained. Cuddy nodded and rolled her eyes. "So why didn't you just say that?"
"Because guitar doesn't sound nearly as impressive as 'Paul Reed Smith 25th Anniversary Dragon'. And it cost me sixteen thousand dollars."
Cuddy's eyes widened from surprise and she was literally speechless for a few seconds. "You bought a guitar for sixteen thousand dollars?!" she exclaimed. "You can't even buy yourself lunch and you were willing to drop down sixteen grand for a guitar?"
House winced, thinking. "Well…" he started slowly. "I haven't paid for it yet. What you don't understand is that this is that the 25th anniversary of PRS isn't for a few years…so this guitar isn't even supposed to be on the market."
"Well, apparently it is on the market since people are selling it," Cuddy said. When House said nothing, his revelation hit him. "Oh my God, it's not on the market, is it?"
House grinned. "It leaked."
"How the hell does a single guitar leak?"
"Who cares? And it's not a single guitar that leaked – about a dozen of them did. The point is, I got it off an auction, so I'm going to go pick it up. I was going to get it after work but I might as well pick it up now."
Cuddy shook her head at how excited House was over a single guitar. He had a bunch at home anyway, what the hell did he need another one for?
"Told you wouldn't want to go," House said after some time, "So where do you want to go?"
"Are you kidding?" she exclaimed, causing House to look at her for a moment before focusing on the road ahead of him. "You're willing to buy a single instrument for sixteen thousand dollars. I have got to see this."
House grinned and signaled, making his way towards Princeton Mall.
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The manager of the small music store next to the main entrance of the mall made his way to the back to bring out the legendary guitar. Cuddy personally didn't see what the big deal was but was equally excited – not because of the guitar, but because of how excited House was to pick it up. Honestly, he looks like a third grader in a candy store. She smiled.
"Here we are," the manager said, finally arriving after almost five minutes. He brought out a trench black guitar case and opened it up before pulling out the majestic electric guitar.
"Yes…!" House exclaimed as the manager handed it to him to try out.
It was impressive, even Cuddy thought so despite her subpar…er, nonexistent…knowledge of guitars. The body was deep, royal blue and the design printed upon the neck was a dragon. Yet, the design wasn't ridiculously loud or bold, but more subtle and elegant. Was it worth sixteen thousand dollars? In Cuddy's naive opinion, not really. But House seemed happy with it. Already, he was tuning it to his satisfaction. He looked up at Cuddy's bewildered expression.
"What?" he asked, not allowing her indifference to faze him. His tone wasn't harsh but more curiosity driven, slightly suspicious.
She shook her head. "Sixteen grand…" was all she said. It was enough.
"Yeah, and if you don't pay for it now I'm going to up the price…" the manager warned, wanting his money.
House put the guitar aside and dug into his inner jacket pocket. Cuddy was expecting him to insult the manager for his impatience but she was surprised when no jab escaped his mouth. Hmm, she thought. This Reed Smith Dragon…thing …this guitar has the potential to be a great source of leverage…
Cuddy breathed in sharply when House slapped three wads of cash on the counter.
"What the…in cash?" Cuddy hissed.
"I'm only taking cash for this one," the manager told her, not bothering to make sure it was the correct amount.
"Who carries sixteen grand in their pockets anyway?" she whispered, leaning towards him angrily.
"Not me, that's for sure," House said, unable to hide a smirk. "You should have seen the teller at the bank when I asked for the withdrawal…"
Cuddy frowned, squinting at him. "Why…what did you do?"
House shrugged. "I…might have mentioned something about mary-jane, and I might have popped a few Vicodin pills dry just to send a message across."
"House!"
"And then the manager had to come over and I had to explain that Mary and Jane were my nieces who were both graduating from college so I wanted to surprise them and give them eight grand a piece…"
"Yeah, I'm sure he bought that," Cuddy said, rolling her eyes. She didn't really want to hear the rest of his story, anyway. She looked back at the guitar. "Well, it's nice to know all those paychecks I sign get spent on items like this." She nodded at the guitar the man was packing up.
"What? It's a valid and reasonable purchase," House defended as the two of them walked out of the store.
"You want to know what costs sixteen grand? Cars. Cars cost sixteen grand."
"But I already have one."
"You could have bought yourself a new, decent car with that money," Cuddy said, as she opened the trunk of her car. House carefully placed guitar inside. "Now I know that you at least have the money. So why do you still have that piece of crap you call a vehicle?"
"Because it is a functioning vehicle," House stressed, closing the trunk once he was finished. "Why should I get another one? Besides, I use my bike more often."
"So keep the bike and buy another car!" she exclaimed as she walked over to the passenger side of the car. Meanwhile, House was making his way back to the mall. He stopped abruptly once he realized Cuddy wasn't following.
"Where are you going?" House asked.
Cuddy pointed behind her. "We're…finished…aren't we going back to the hospital?"
House shook his head emphatically. "No way, woman! We're at a mall…how could you possibly want to go back to work? There's got to be something an administrator such as yourself can enjoy…"
She couldn't say no. Especially when he made a cute, face like that. She bit her bottom lip in mock contemplation but couldn't hold her pretense for long. In an instant, she was at House's side.
5 PM
"What did I do wrong?!" House exclaimed, though the grin on his face and his tone was proof that he knew exactly what he had done wrong. He just wasn't remorseful. He was carrying two bags of clothes that Cuddy had purchased in one hand and his cane in the other.
"You know what you did!" Cuddy said back. "You didn't have to make that poor assistant manager miserable…and practically wet himself!"
"He was being cocky," House defended. "It was my duty to show him his rightful place."
"Right, by threatening to tell his girlfriend he's cheating on her and saying that you were going to tell his boss that he was watching porn on the computers?"
"Well, is he supposed to be doing that? What would you do if you found out I was cheating on you?"
Cuddy thought about it for a moment. "Cut off your balls."
"That seems to be your answer for everything. 'House is cheating on you? Cut off his balls! House is worrying too much? Cut off his balls!'" He said everything in a high pitched, annoying voice that caused Cuddy to splutter in laughter. "Really, Cuddy…it gets old."
"I don't even talk like that!"
"That's what it sounds like to me every time you tell me 'no' and then explain why."
Cuddy swiftly smacked his shoulder, causing House to cringe slightly. "Ow…!"
She pointed at him threateningly, wagging her finger as if scolding a child. "I can hurt you, you know. Don't test me. And give me that!" she quickly grabbed her bags from his hand and sauntered off like a child throwing a fit.
"Hey, where are you going?!"
"I'm mad at you!" she yelled back simply.
"Hey!" House said, finally deciding to negotiate, he managed to catch up and took her hand, stopping her. "Okay fine, I'll be good." At this he made an innocent looking face that managed to get her to smile. "And…I won't even say a word. Next store we go in, I won't say anything."
She frowned, inspecting him to find a hint of sarcasm. "You won't say a single word?" This could be interesting…
"Nothing," he promised.
"And if you do say something…I'll make you return your precious guitar."
House's face fell thirty stories. Cuddy laughed at his expression – you would have thought you had just told him his mother had died with a face that looked like that. "Okay, okay! I won't take your guitar…I'll think of another punishment."
He sighed, relieved. "That wasn't very nice. Don't ever threaten her again!"
"You're never nice! And your guitar is a girl?"
"Psh…well, I couldn't make it a guy…" Then through the side of his mouth, he muttered, "That would be weird…"
Cuddy waved off the topic. "Okay, how about this. You say anything…a single word, House! If you say anything then…" she grinned, as the idea came into her head. "Then you need to call Wilson and tell him that you appreciate him for always being there for you."
For a moment, Cuddy wasn't so sure which one of the two punishments he would take – sacrificing his guitar or confessing his feelings. His face looked equally pained when she suggested her second idea.
"What the--!" House started.
"Hey, it's either the guitar or Wilson. Pick one!"
House whimpered. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"
"Of course I am."
"Fine, my turn," House announced. "If I do stay quiet the entire time then…" House eyes lit up like a thousand white bulbs and Cuddy suddenly wasn't so sure if her designated punishment would be harsh enough. "If I say nothing then we're going to Victoria's Secret and I get to pick out a matching set of panties and bra!"
Yup. Her punishment definitely wasn't harsh enough. "Hell, no!"
"Uh-uh! No take-backs. You already picked your weapon and now I've picked mine. I'm gonna wi-in!" House sang childishly.
"I am not going to let you pick out my underwear," Cuddy warned him, whispering in his ear.
House simply nodded. "Yeah. I am. When I win! Lead the way, mistress!"
Cuddy sighed loudly and walked into the nearest department store. She was going to have to win this bet – her sanity depended on it. House gladly followed, determined.
Half an hour later…
3…2…1… House held up the respective fingers each second they made their way closer to the exit of the store until they had at last stepped out.
"Victory!" House exclaimed, waving his cane around.
Cuddy rolled her eyes. She couldn't quite believe House had gone half an hour without saying a single word. And she had been certain he was going to break when one of the cashiers started complaining about her love life, her mother and her last three ex boyfriends. She was a teenager and Cuddy knew House wanted to tell her to shut up but he refused to say a single word, instead making funny faces behind her back and pantomiming.
"So…where's the nearest Victoria's Secret?" he asked, looking this way and that.
"Mmm…let's eat first, I'm hungry," Cuddy quickly said as they approached the food court.
"Not so fast!" House said, pointing just down the hall with his cane. Cuddy rolled her eyes when she read the name of the store. She had the most rotten luck.
"Don't look so disappointed! As soon as we're done here I'll buy you all the food in the world! But not too much…wouldn't want you to not fit into your panties all of a sudden."
"Ha ha ha…" Cuddy said dryly as she reluctantly walked into the store.
"Oooh! This one!" House practically squealed, limping towards a rack of panties. Cuddy dashed after him, praying he wouldn't make a scene.
"I don't care," Cuddy hissed. "Just pick something so we can get out."
"Don't rush me," he whined, replacing the pink panties. If she was going to rush him like this then he'd just be extra slow, now wouldn't he?
"What about this one….or this one…or this one…?"
"Stop it and just--"
"Ah ha!" House exclaimed, startling a few people around them. He lifted up his fine, a pair of red and lacy panties.
"Yeah, sure, can we go now?" Cuddy begged.
"No, I have to find a bra to match!"
"You know, they have sets. Just pick up a set and we can go."
"But that's no fun!"
At that exact moment, House's cell phone started ringing and from the ring tone, he could tell that it was House's team.
"Hello?"
"Uh….House?" Foreman asked hesitantly. It was the first time in months House hadn't answered with the regular, "What!"
"What?" House asked.
House could practically see Foreman and the rest of the team nod, realizing that their boss wasn't in any particular mood.
"We've got elevated red blood cell count," Cameron spoke up. "We guessed carbon monoxide poisoning due to a broken gas fireplace in her home. We put her in a hyperbaric chamber but she had a heart attack."
"Nice…" House said, lifting up red bra. Cuddy slapped her forehead and closed her eyes. She was going to kill him if he didn't hurry up.
"The heart attack?" Chase asked.
"Hmm…what?" House asked Chase, not really paying attention to him.
"Carbon monoxide poisoning, hyperbaric chamber, heart attack," Foreman reminded him.
"Well, why didn't you just say so?" House asked.
"We did…"
"Takayasu's syndrome," Cameron suggested.
"Not without a rash and a fever," Chase said. "Whipple's."
"But no abdominal pain," Foreman pointed out.
"Cardiomyopathy," House said, as he lifted up the bra he decided he wanted. "Structural abnormality causes the heart attack and throws clot to the brain, leading to synaesthesia. Go do a transeosphageal echo and don't bug me again unless she's dying."
"But she is--"
"Where's Cuddy?" Cameron quickly blurted before House had time to hang up.
That definitely stopped him. "Why do you want to know where Cuddy is? I'm not doing anything illegal! A transeosphageal echo is perfectly safe!" One of Cuddy's eyebrows rose up, wondering what he was talking about after hearing her name.
"No, I'm just wondering…she wasn't in her room," Cameron started.
"Did you check…gee…I don't know…her office?"
"She's been discharged?"
"Yeah, this morning, I think. If she asks where I am, tell her…my mom died," he decided.
House quickly hung up and stuffed his phone back into his pocket. "Finished!" he announced to Cuddy, holding up the set he had finally chosen. Cuddy quickly forced his hand down.
"Okay. Fine, you picked something, let's go now."
House smirked as he went over to the cashier to pay. He decided to make the cashier's job easy and didn't say a single word. No insults, no sarcasm, no asking the cashier if she would willingly wear the set he had just picked out. Cuddy had suffered enough, he decided.
"Happy now?" House asked as they left and started towards the food court.
"Purely ecstatic," Cuddy said sarcastically, causing House to chuckle at her expression.
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An hour later, Cuddy walked through the front entrance of the hospital. Not one person was suspicious – after all, she walked in with a cup of coffee and obviously in a hurry. House on the other hand, came in from the back of the hospital. He wasn't even in sight.
"It's Von Hippel Lindau," Chase announced, once House reached his office.
"Where have you been?" Cameron asked him.
"Boob job showed cysts?" House asked, talking to Chase. Earlier, House had decided to do an exploratory surgery to see what was wrong with her lungs and in order to make NASA not suspicious, they put it in the paper work as a boob job. Pure genius in House's opinion…after all, he had thought of it.
"Three of them total. One of them was a pheochromocytoma – caused the synaesthesia and the heart attack."
"Where were you?" Cameron repeated.
"You!" House exclaimed pointing at her with his cane. "You need to start focusing on cases more often. Otherwise, you're pretty much useless to me and you're going to be out of a job." Then to Chase he said, "You thought of Von Hippel Lindau?"
Chase shrugged but nodded.
"That's a very nice idea," House said, smiling as he left the room. Cameron rolled her eyes but Chase seemed pleased with himself.
Cuddy's Office
Wilson wasn't very eager to badger Cuddy just yet about everything – the poisoning, House…but he couldn't help it. It was what he did, and she hadn't been at the hospital for hours now. Badgering was necessary procedure during situations like this.
"Where have you been?" Wilson asked once he entered her office. She looked like she had just gotten here. Coffee cup in her hand, just about to sit down, but something was different. She…looked like she was in a relatively good mood.
"Hi, Mom," Cuddy said simply.
"Your phone's been ringing off the hook, everyone's been looking for you, and if this was your plan to try and hide what happened to you yesterday, it definitely failed. I think the entire hospital knows now."
"Okay," she said, showing complete apathy. Right now, she didn't really care if everyone knew she had been poisoned.
Wilson blinked a few times. What was with the lack of emotion? "Where have you been?"
"Out," she said simply, walking out of her office.
"You want to know what House told me?" Wilson goaded. Actually, House hadn't told him anything because he hadn't seen him yet but he asked the question to see Cuddy's reaction. And her reaction was enough for him. Her ears perked up and she looked at him, honestly curious but still saying nothing. Wilson snapped his fingers. "Ah ha! So it had something to do with House!"
"Shut up!" Cuddy exclaimed, leading him to an elevator. She quickly shut the doors behind them so that it was only the two of them in the elevator and turned to face Wilson. "Okay. Yes, I've been with House all day! You happy now?"
"Where did you go?" Wilson asked, honestly curious.
"We went to Princeton Mall. He picked up a guitar that he had ordered and he followed me around shopping." She was careful not to mention Victoria's Secret though. Wilson may be House's best friend but he definitely didn't need to know about that.
"So…like a date?"
She was about to answer but she closed her mouth abruptly. She hadn't really thought about it like that but now as she thought back, it really was a date. "Yeah…yeah, it was a date." Wow. She had been on a date with Gregory House. And she hadn't even realized it.
"And he bought everything?"
Cuddy thought of his $16,000 guitar but didn't mention it, knowing Wilson was demand all the money House owed him immediately. The dresses she had bought, the shoes. She smiled. "Yup. He paid for everything."
"So…what else?" Wilson asked.
"What do you mean what else? That's it."
Wilson shook his head emphatically. "With House there's always more. It's never that simple."
"Actually, Wilson," Cuddy said as the doors opened, thinking about the last few hours. "Sometimes it is."
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After work, House and Cuddy drove down to House's apartment to drop off the guitar. Once inside, House rested his new prized possession on the couch and looked around the wall where the rest of his guitars rested.
"So where do you want to put this one?" Cuddy asked, also staring at the wall.
"I…have no idea," House said. "And right now it doesn't really matter because I don't feel like hanging it up there anyway."
"Whoa, let me get this straight," Cuddy said stopping him before he could limp away. "You bought a guitar that's not even supposed to be on the market for sixteen grand and you don't intend to play it?"
"If I played it then it would get ruined!"
"I don't get you," she said, poking him in the chest. "The least you could do with something that expensive is use it."
"It's a practically priceless guitar!" House argued.
"Yeah, well, the guy working at that store had no problem sticking a price on it," Cuddy pointed out, smiling at House's pout. Out of the blue, she told him, "Thanks…for today. I had fun." And she had. They hadn't done anything most people would call super exciting, but it had been a while since she had done, as House liked to put it, nothing constructive. And boy, she could get used to it. Especially when she was doing nothing constructive with him around.
House nodded, smiling ever so slightly. "Good," he said, and he kissed her on the lips once. "Told you it's not so hard." He kissed her again but Cuddy took his face in her hands before he could lean away, kissing him back deeply. His arm wrapped her waist and he let go of his cane, caressing her cheek. She continued to lean toward him until he was forced to take a few steps back and his back hit the wall behind him. They were kissing now with increasing frenzy, the fabric between them becoming stifling and oppressive. His jacket came off first, falling to the floor and her fingers found the buttons of his shirt…
And it was all a hallucination – NOT! I promise, guys, it's not. And here begins my contemplation….
To smut or not to smut? I'm leaning towards not but if you guys REALLY want it and manage to convince me I might change my mind. Or if someone is willing to write it for me... Seriously guys, if I write it it's going to suck so I'm too scared to try. If you want it and want to write it, PM me and we'll figure something out ;)
Oh, and if there are typos, my bad. It's one in the morning over here and I have school tomorrow! Oops…
So what do you do know? Why, you click that pretty looking green and white button right underneath here and leave me your opinion/review, that's what! REVIEW! SEE YA!