CPR (Capricious Parental Relationships)
~()~
One minute, he's in excruciating pain. He's writhing on the floor and squeezing his eyes shut, feeling like someone was taking a hammer to his head. The next, someone lifts him off the floor, and he feels lips meeting his own, bringing water and a pill into his mouth.
Tsuna swallows on instinct.
"What the hell," he says through the pain. What kind of sane person gives someone medicine through a kiss?
Sadly, he already knows the answer before looking into a pair of stern eyes.
"What have we said about changing the timeline?" he is asked in a tone that sounds like a mother chiding her child. Tsuna refuses to be that naughty child.
"No. No, first of all, what have we said about giving me medicine?" Tsuna remembers having a fever and asking for medicine when he was sixteen, and what did he get? A kiss!
Not his first kiss though. That was when he was six and drunk and decided that Reborn had really nice lips. That was also when Tsuna was still not over his maybe-minor crush on the man. And some people took photos.
(Chronologically speaking, his first kiss was when he was physically fourteen. Because of that stupid mistletoe and Dino knocking him under it while Chrome was standing there.)
Anyway, after being sixteen and asking for medicine multiple times and then being twenty-eight and asking for medicine multiple times, each time getting kissed, Tsuna was understandably getting tired of being kissed. He reads shoujo manga. He has this notion that kisses are meant to be romantic. Contrary to expectations, though, he kept getting all these unromantic kisses. So he made the other person promise to stop doing this.
It took less than three years for that promise to be broken.
"You broke your promise first."
Tsuna throws his hands up in the air. "Not changing the timeline was definitely not part of the not kissing deal! Nowhere in the contract did it say that."
The mafia world has taught Tsuna many things, one of them being that some people are "forgetful" enough to "forget" about the peace treaty or the money they owed, so best to write out a contract and make them sign it and cheerfully "forget" to remind them to read the fine print.
"You were convinced to add it on when you were younger."
What.
"You were nine, I believe."
This piece of—
"I'm filing a divorce!" Tsuna yells. What kind of person tricks kids? This person!
"Good! But I'm keeping the kids," his spouse replies.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
And then they go their separate ways to their separate bedrooms to sleep. But not before Tsuna turns around and yells, "Thank you for the painkillers!"
He's still mad, though.
Then morning comes and they have to meet up at the dining table for breakfast, and Iemochi takes one look at his parents, who refuse to look at each other, and says, "If you two divorce, I'm disowning myself."
Akira chooses that moment to sleepily walk into the dining room, and without thinking, repeats his brother's words. "Disowning myself."
~()~
AN: ...Well, I couldn't leave poor Tsuna in pain for all eternity. Look, it's hard for Tsuna to suffer as an adult because he has good ol' spouse to take care of him...Maybe.
(These two have a big house with lots of bedrooms. One for each kid, two for guests, one that they share, and two that they use when they're fighting—which happens frequently—or when Tsuna's young—which also happens frequently.)
Mochi's great. Mochi's a lifesaver. Mochi also hates the name Mom gave him, so there's that. Akira just had a dream of being a hero, so there's that too. Oh, and Tsuna's 58. Have I mentioned that?
I'd say this would be the last of this odd string of weekly updates, but, uh...no, not really. You guys don't know how mad I am at finally getting writing inspiration when I'm supposed to be doing schoolwork. Is this escapism? I think it's escapism.