Disclaimer:
The title of the story is taken from the song "Who you are" by "Jessie J".
I do not own the mentioned song all rights belong to their rightful owners.
I do not own the song "Terrible Love" by "The National" all rights belong to their rightful owners.
Unfortunately, I do not own any of the characters nor do I own "the Originals" or "the Vampire Diaries" all rights belong to their rightful owners.
Previously:
Here is just some useful information for this chapter about what happened lately, because it's been a while since my last update:
- Klaus and Rebekah had a moment in which he confessed to her that he is afraid of losing her.
- Rebekah promised Klaus that she would stay with him, always and forever.
- Ethan told Rebekah to leave New Orleans and threatened that he would hurt her family if she didn't leave.
- Rebekah didn't listen to Ethan.
- Klaus returned home suffering from a spell shortly after Ethan left.
- Elijah, who still didn't made up with Klaus, returned to the mansion from his beautiful life with Hayley, who is carrying Klaus' child, to help his brother.
- Rebekah stopped lying to Elijah and confessed that she has almost been raped the day before.
- Elijah comforted his little sister and took care of her.
- Rebekah found out that Ethan was responsible for Klaus' suffering, not the witches.
- Ethan threatened that he would hurt Elijah as well, if Rebekah wouldn't leave New Orleans.
- In order to protect the people she loves, Rebekah left New Orleans.
Chapter 25
It's been a year. It's been a whole year since I've left New Orleans …since I've left my family. To normal mortals time is precious. Sometimes it's everything to them… But if you can't age, time loses its meaning… a month… a year... a century... It has no meaning to you if your life has no natural date of expiry.
For a while I just travelled around, lived and had some fun. I was in Hong Kong, Tokyo, New York, Barcelona, Paris and London. But I never stayed much longer than a few days… No matter where I went, I've already been there at least once with my family. And although I enjoyed the freedom, I never felt truly happy…
When I was in Brisbane, I awoke in hospital. The doctors told me that I lost consciousness in a boutique and that I had a bleeding in my brain. One of them, a neurologist with perfect dark brown hair and kind, blue eyes, told me that it was there for quite a while and that I could have died if they hadn't found it. I silently thought of the monster that tried to rape me a month ago and that the bleeding in my brain was probably originated as my head hit a wall because of him… For a while I had to stay in hospital, because of my treatment, until I was perfectly healthy again.
After I got discharged, I couldn't stop thinking about all the poor, deathly ill humans I saw during my time in hospital and how hopeless some of them seemed. I couldn't stop thinking about all those poor young children I saw on the paediatric ward and how weak and sad they looked sometimes…
I still didn't know who I was and I still hadn't found my place in this world, but I knew that I wanted to help. During my time as an original vampire I killed countless of people without wasting a second thought on them… and although I knew that I could never make up for that, I wanted to at least try to. I wanted to help people. I wanted to heal people. I wanted to save lives instead of taking them. So I spend the rest of the year with studying medicine in Brisbane.
Although I was no longer an original vampire, I still knew almost everything and was very smart. I was one of the best students. I liked my professors …well, most of them… and I liked my fellow students. I even found a friend, Amelia.
Amy was a 20-year-old girl with dark brown hair, blue eyes and pale skin. Her outer appearance reminded me of April Young, but that was not the reason why we became friends. Amy was nice and kind and she accepted me the way I am. I could trust her. I always sat beside her during our lectures and helped her if she didn't understand something. Having a friend- Having a real friend was… nice.
I usually didn't have any friends…
I was living in a nice modern house at the beach and when I wasn't learning, I spend my time with relaxing on the white beach together with Amy. Although I couldn't get tan, I loved the feeling of the warm sun tickling my soft skin.
Of course not everything was perfect and nice…
Every time I tried to find love, I messed up… It was the same cycle over and over again. I found someone to care about. I fell in love. We snogged. But every time I believed that I got over what almost happened last year, and wanted to go further …I suddenly couldn't. I got flashbacks of how I got almost raped a year ago and got scared and panicked before I pushed my latest lover away…
But that wasn't the only thing that weighed heavily on my mind…
I still missed my family …terribly. Every day I thought of them and what they would be doing… Did they miss me too? Were they angry at me? What was my little niece doing? Did they tell her about her auntie? I changed my number one day after I left New Orleans. I wouldn't have been able to stay away if I had talked to my siblings… It would have made me miss them even more…
I was walking over the campus to our next lecture together with Amy when it happened. It was a nice sunny day and the light breeze stirred the hem of my light, white, spaghetti-strap summer dress above my knees. We were talking about one of our professors. Professor Ryan Brown. He was a good looking relatively young man with extraordinary green eyes and Amy fancied him. She just started to slobber over our professor as I heard him.
"Hello, sister." I heard his voice from behind me and I abruptly stopped in my tracks.
God. I didn't realise how much I've truly missed his voice until I heard it in that moment…
"Rebekah, what is it?" Amy, who, after a few further steps, noticed that I was no longer walking beside her, asked as she turned to look back at me.
She was so nice… so kind. She could make me laugh even when I was sad… She liked me for who I was… She accepted me with all my flaws… She was the only friend I had on this earth. My only true friend… I couldn't let her get caught up in my family drama. She didn't deserve that. She was my friend.
"Nothing, I just forgot my books in the lecture theatre." I lied. And it hurt me so much to lie to my only friend… "Why don't you go ahead and I'll come after?" I suggested with a faked smile.
"Ok, see ya." She said in her happy, cheery voice with one of her typical charismatic smiles on her face, before she turned around and continued to walk over the busy campus to our next lecture.
Amy was one of those people who always smile. A genuine and happy smile. Who are always nice and helpful to everyone. Who would never judge over a person and who could cheer you up with their mere presence. Oh, how I wished I could be like her… carefree and happy.
As I turned around to see him walking over to where I was standing, his hands folded behind his back, he commented "I see you found yourself a little playfellow." There was an undertone in his faked kind voice that told me that he didn't like it at all.
"Nik…" I gasped. Nik. It felt so strange but also so familiar to let his name roll off my tongue after so much time… It stirred up so many emotions inside of me...
Oh, how I've missed seeing his all too familiar face… The face I've known since I can think…
But what I didn't like was that expression on his face… I knew that look on his face. That calmness… No matter how good he was at hiding his anger, his eyes would always betray it. Although… this time there was also something else in his blue eyes... Something I wasn't able to put my finger on…
"What are you doing here?" I asked as he stopped in front of me and I found my voice again.
He looked so out of place. Everyone was wearing shorts, T-shirts and summer dresses to escape the heat while he was standing there in his black leather jacket, one of his typical leather necklaces, a black V-neck pullover and jeans. Another perk of being a hybrid or a vampire, you can't feel the heat nor can you freeze.
"I think the better question would be, what are you doing here?" He asked with that look on his face and anger traceable in his voice.
I just silently looked down to my feet. Of course I felt guilty for abandoning my family… But it was the only way to protect them. Who knows what Ethan would have done to them if I had stayed?
But I couldn't tell my brother about it… Who knows how Ethan would react if I told my siblings about his threats and that he was the one who is responsible for the spell that had been put on Nik a year ago? Although… actually it was my fault. I underestimated Ethan and didn't leave town when he told me to the first time…
"Do you have any idea how hard it was to find you?" He asked a mixture of accusation and anger traceable in his voice.
"Apparently not hard enough…" I muttered under my breath, my gaze still cast down.
Of course I love my family and leaving them was the hardest thing I have ever done, but… I had my reasons why I broke contact to them. If I had talked to them and heard their voices or if I had seen them, I'm not sure if I would have been able to stay away…
He just chuckled amusedly at my remark and shook his head.
"What do you want, Nik?" I asked honestly as I looked up at him.
"Oh nothing really, I just came here to bring you back to New Orleans." He said it in a light tone with a smile of faked kindness on his lips as if it was the most natural thing in the world. As if it was a suggestion. But we both knew that it was anything but a suggestion.
Although I terribly missed my family, I couldn't go back. Because of Ethan... …and because of my life here. I just started to feel like I found my place in this world. I build a life for me here. I had a true friend and found something I really loved and was passionate about. Something that would make me be able to help people. Something that would give me a purpose.
After a short moment of silence, I tried my best to hide all the mixed emotions I was feeling and forced myself to say "I'm not coming with you."
Seeing him made me miss my family much more than I could have ever thought possible and if I had talked to him for one more second I might wouldn't have been able to stay in Brisbane.
Love for my family… Sadness… Homesickness… and a dozen of other emotions I couldn't name were wrapped around my heart, lacing it up in my chest, making it feel indescribably heavy and tight…
I wasn't able to make even five steps after I turned around and left when I was stopped by the grip of Nik's hand on my almost bare shoulder as he suddenly stepped menacingly in front of me. His grip around my shoulder was tight. Not so tight that it would make me scream in pain but just tight enough to make it hurt a bit. To get my attention.
"Let me rephrase, little sister. You will come back with me or I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you back to New Orleans myself." My controlling, over-abrasive brother threatened in a serious and deadly voice accompanied with a lethal look in his eyes as he stared down at me.
I jutted out my chin in defiance as I looked up at him with the same lethal glare he was giving me. He was the only person on this earth that could make me feel sad and emotional in the one second, and then angry and defensive in the other.
I weighed out my options before I realised that there was no way he would let me stay there. There was no point in fighting for my life here. My big brother was an original hybrid and just as stubborn as I, perhaps even more... No matter what I would do, I would lose.
"Fine." I sighed eventually in reluctant acceptance. "I'm coming with you…" I muttered.
Who knows, perhaps Ethan or the people he worked for gave up on whatever they wanted from my family? It's been a year.
My brother's tight grip around my shoulder loosened and his face lit up as he said in a light tone, as if he was talking to a child "See? It wasn't that hard, was it, love?"
I just silently looked up at him with sad eyes in response. This was typical for my big brother. As soon as he gets bored and unhappy he wants to make sure that everyone else doesn't get to be happy, too.
As he gently placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me to his car with a content smile on his lips, I already started to miss my life here before I was even out of the country...
4 hours later…
We've spend the last three and a half hours in silence on our families' private jet on our 15 hour flight back to New Orleans.
A few years ago Nik decided that our family needed its own private jet, because he hated flying with commercial aircrafts. He said that he loathed it to be in confined spaces with a large amount of humans and that he couldn't bear all the talking and the wailing of the children from the economy class. So he just had to have a private jet made. I think it was an Airbus A380 or something like that, I didn't really care. All I knew was that the thing looked like a portable palace and that we had our own bedrooms in it.
I originally flopped into one of the couches in our large living room that was kept in a modern design, but Nik deliberately sat down on the opposite couch although I made it more than clear that I was angry at him on our way to the airport. So I got up, took one of the armchairs in the corner of the room and spend the last three and a half hours with silently staring out of the cabin window so that I wouldn't have to look at him.
Of course I've terribly missed my family and my home… and I would have felt much more excited to come back if Nik hadn't, once again, taken a decision away from me by using threats to make me do what he wants. Besides, I just found my place in this world and then had to give it up again together with the only true friend I had on this earth without even saying goodbye to her…
I wasn't just angry at my brother, I was hurt.
"You can't spend the next 11 hours with pouting, you know?" I heard him saying from where he was lolling on one of the couches near the centre of the cabin.
I knew that it was an attempt to make peace again, but I didn't care. "I'm not pouting." I objected instead, my gaze still lingering on the clouds and the sea outside the window.
Although I wasn't looking at him, I could practically feel him rolling his eyes at me.
I was awoken by someone lightly tugging at my shoulder.
"Miss Mikaelson?" I could hear a female voice addressing me as I slowly opened my eyes to bright light.
My eyes needed a moment to adjust to the bright light of my environment as I slowly sat up. I noticed that I was no longer in the living room of the plane but half sitting half lying in the modern king size bed of my bedroom.
"We've landed." The stewardess informed me as she stood beside the bed.
"How long have I been sleeping?" I asked in a croaky voice, pulling the covers off me as I rearranged the soft, white fabric of my summer dress.
"Something about 10 hours, I think." The slim, uniformed woman replied in a kind voice.
As I took a closer look at her I couldn't believe that she managed to get me from the living room on the other end of the plane into my bedroom. She was so skinny.
She must have figured what I was thinking by the look I gave her, because she explained in her kind voice "Your brother carried you."
"Ah." I only managed to say not wanting her to notice the anger that came up in me. I didn't want him to take care of me, I was still angry at him!
Handing me a hair comb she informed me "He's waiting in the car. Is there anything else I can do for you, Miss?"
"No, you may leave." I replied, combing my long, golden hair that probably looked like a total mess after a 10 hour slumber before I got off the plane.
"Still pouting, I see." Nik commented as I got into the front passenger seat of his black SUV without saying a word, giving him nothing but the devil's eye.
I was just silently glaring at him for a moment as he started the engine before I clarified in a firm tone of voice "Like I told you before: I'm not pouting."
Although he turned his head to look at me with a raised brow that was supposed to let me believe that he thought I was behaving childishly, there was a hint of emotion traceable in his blue eyes that told me that he knew exactly how unfair and disrespectful it was of him to force me to come back home. He was just too pride and too stubborn to admit, let alone apologize for it.
But there was also something else traceable in his eyes… something sad… Something I wasn't able to put my finger on… I had the feeling that something might be wrong…
The rest of the ride home was spent in silence. Just after Nik parked the car in front of our mansion, I immediately got out of it and quickly walked into the house without even bothering to wait for him as I slammed the door shut behind me.
It was so infuriating! Couldn't he just admit that he did a mistake and apologize for it!?
As I was about to ascend the stairs to go and lock myself up in my room, so that I wouldn't have to see the face of that miserable excuse for a sibling that would walk through the front door by any second, I was suddenly interrupted as the air got knocked out of my lungs by someone's strong arms crashing my slim frame to his chest and hugging me so tight I couldn't breathe.
"Rebekah, thank god you're alive…" I heard Elijah's voice sighing in relieve.
"Elijah… I can't breathe…" I complained in a choky little voice.
"I'm sorry, sister." He apologized as he quickly pulled back, one hand still resting on my almost bare shoulder as he scanned me for any injuries.
Seeing that I was perfectly fine he pulled me into another hug, this time being more careful.
I could hear the front door being opened and shut in the background before I heard someone, probably Nik, disappearing into one of the other rooms.
"Don't you ever do this to me again…" Elijah whispered, not wanting to let ever go of me again.
In that very moment I realised how much pain I must have brought upon my poor big brother. The reason why I left was to protect him not to make him feel miserable… But… I somehow felt as if there was a bit more to his emotionality… I didn't know what it was. But I just had that feeling that something wasn't right…
I slowly pulled back, looking up into his kind, brown eyes with my big, watery, blue ones from the suffocating feeling of guilt in my chest as I whispered apologetically "Elijah… I am so, so sorry… I-"
"What? Are my siblings being cuddly without me?" I heard a too familiar voice filled with faked, childish disappointment asking. A voice I thought I'd never hear again…
"Kol!" I squealed with glee as I ran over to where he was standing and threw myself at him, almost throwing him off balance.
"I've missed you too, baby sister." My only immature brother laughed as he hugged me back.
"How is this possible?" I asked as I pulled back after a moment and took a closer look at him.
He was in his original body. He was looking down at me with the face I've known my whole life… I thought I'd never see him again after that bloody Gilbert boy killed him…
"Ah, you know me. No matter how dramatic and messed up this family is I can never manage to stay away for much long." He explained with one of his typical mischievous smiles on his face.
As I looked back over my shoulder, I noticed that Elijah has left.
I just couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong with him so I turned back to Kol and asked carefully "Did something happen? I think something is wrong with Elijah… and earlier I somehow had the feeling that something was troubling Nik as well."
The look on Kol's face dampened and I instantly knew that something was wrong indeed.
"You don't know?" He asked in a mixture of surprise and confusion. "How could you… you were gone for a year."
He silently looked down for a moment, causing my mind to race with thoughts of what could have happened, before he looked at me again and said "Hayley is dead."
"What?" I gasped in shock. "No. No, she can't be." I said more to myself than to him in denial as my eyes slowly got watery.
I kicked her out of the mansion because I was jealous of her being pregnant, while I lost my child. I never apologised to her… I always thought that I'd have all the time in the world to apologise for the way I treated her and now it was too late…
Poor Elijah… He loved her. He loved her with all his heart and now she is dead… How could he ever recover from that? He deserves to be happy! Why does this always happen to my family?
I knew that I said I felt like Amy was my only true friend on this earth… but despite our argument, Hayley was the closest thing to the sister I always wanted but never had…
As I looked around, I suddenly realised that something was missing. The mansion was silent and there were no cuddly toys or anything like that lying around… A ball of dread formed in the pit of my stomach as I forced myself to ask "Where is our niece?"
For a moment, Kol's gaze dropped to the floor again, before he looked back at me with so much sadness in his chocolate brown eyes, the same eyes Elijah had, and said "…It happened a few months ago. Hayley died one week before her due date … Our niece is dead, Bex."
I didn't know what to say. All I knew is that I could no longer hold back my tears and started crying.
My youngest older brother was there in an instant, taking me into his arms and holding my head to his chest. I could feel that the loss of our sweet, little niece hurt him just as much as it hurt me.
Oh my god… I couldn't imagine how hard it must be for Nik.
Well… actually I knew exactly how he must be feeling. I've lost my children too. The first one when I was turned and the second one the night Jason died… Losing your child is an indescribably painful experience… It changes you forever… You never stop grieving. Of course you grow and develop as a person, but… you never completely process the loss.
I suddenly felt terrible for being so mean to Nik on our way back home… If I had known what happened, I wouldn't have been so harsh to him…
After I had stopped crying, I pulled back, looked up at Kol and asked in a voice thick of concern and guilt "How is Nik dealing with it?"
Kol just silently shook his head in response as his gaze wandered back to the floor for a brief moment.
It was obvious. He was worried about our brother, too.
"Elijah told me that Nik lost it and smashed up the mansion when he found out that you left. Then he locked himself up in the mansion for months and grew colder and more indifferent by the day… I know that our brother is anything but a warm-hearted person, but Elijah said that one day he realised that Nik wasn't hiding his humanity like he always does, he turned it off."
Tears came to my eyes again and a knot of unbearable guilt formed in the pit of my stomach as Kol told me what happened while I was gone…
"When our niece died, he left the mansion for the first time in months only to go on a killing spree and kill everyone that he crossed paths with. …That was the first time I saw our brother feeling emotions since I got back." Kol told me in a voice thick of concern and grieve.
I felt so terrible… I should have been there for him… But I had to go. Leaving was the only way to save him from the suffering Ethan brought upon him…
"I-… I need some time to process this." I told Kol with watery blue eyes, before I went upstairs.
Song recommendation:
"Terrible Love" by "The National" (play it in the next scene)
On my way to my room I walked past the opened French doors to Nik's studio in the back of the mansion. I couldn't help but stop in the threshold and take a look into the room.
It was full of canvases. Wet once and dried once filling the corners of the room. Framed paintings decorated the walls. I couldn't help but walk into the studio.
I always knew that my brother was an amazing, talented artist… Tears came to my eyes as I admired his paintings…
There were paintings that showed Nik holding a little baby girl in his arms. His little baby girl. They showed so much joy… love… anger… sadness… darkness… and paranoia at the same time… He probably made them after his daughter- my niece- died…
There was one painting that showed all of us. Nik in the centre together with Hayley as they held their daughter in their arms, Elijah on the left beside Hayley with one arm around her shoulder, me on the right, right next to Nik and even Kol was there with one of his classic, mischievous smirks gracing his face. We looked so happy… so peaceful… It was probably made before I left… Before everything fell apart…
There were paintings of me… Sad paintings… kept in cold, dark colours… I looked sad and scared on them… I looked lonely and lost… I often felt like that after I left…
There were oil paintings, kept in dark colours… some of them were still wet… They expressed unspeakable pain and loneliness… darkness… They showed exactly how I was feeling when I was sitting all alone in my house at the beach, in Brisbane, in the evenings… when I got sad and homesick and missed my family terribly... Nik must have felt the same way…
"You shouldn't be in here." I heard Nik's so familiar but also so broken voice saying half-heartedly from the doorway.
I turned around with watery eyes, because of all the feelings his paintings stirred up in me, to find him standing in the doorway with a nearly empty bottle of bourbon in his hand.
"Nik, I had no idea… I am so sorry about your little baby girl…" I apologised with a voice full of sympathy and compassion.
"How could you? You weren't here." He said coldly in his lightly drunk state, anger traceable in his voice and eyes.
"I-" I started with the same soft voice.
"NO!" He cut me off loudly, his voice thick with anger. "All day you were angry at me and behaved like you are the victim," He hissed with an accusing finger pointed at me, taking one step into the room "when I'm the one who was betrayed!"
"I'M THE WRONGED ONE!" He bellowed at me with so many emotions displayed on his face and an empathizing finger pressed to his chest.
I tried my best to fight back my tears of guilt as I listened to him.
"You left me…" He said with so much pain in his voice as he took another step towards me from the other side of the room. "YOU LEFT ME!" My hybrid brother exclaimed in a lethal mixture of pain and anger. „I tried my best to be nice and behave as if I got over it on our way back, because it was clear to me that leaving that petty city on the other end of the world was hard for you... But I can't do this anymore! YOU LEFT ME!" My upset brother yelled in a voice shaking with emotion.
All I could do was trying not to cry as I felt a huge ball of guilt mixed with a hint of angst growing in the pit of my stomach.
"The day I confessed my fear of losing you to you, the day I told you how much you mean to me, the day you promised me that you weren't going anywhere, in the moment I was the weakest and needed you the most… YOU ABANDONED ME!" He bellowed at me again in a voice filled with countless different emotions.
"I told you how much you mean to me…" he said in a sad trembling voice and with watery blue eyes as he slowly approached me again stopping about two feet in front of me. "You knew it and you still LEFT ME!" Nik smashed the almost empty bottle of bourbon against one of the walls causing it to shatter into little pieces and me to wince.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was about you!? The last time you ran away you got robbed, injured and nearly raped! I didn't hear anything from you for a whole year! I couldn't find you! I FEARED YOU WERE DEAD!" He bellowed at me in a loud voice vibrating with hot anger and pain as he menacingly came closer and closer, causing me to move backwards until my back was pressed flat against one of the walls of the room.
I was shaking with fear, winced and shut my eyes tightly as Nik grabbed me by my almost bare shoulders and nearly yelled into my face "YOU ABANDONED ME! ...YOU ABANDONED ME!"
He got silent for a moment as the expression on his face hardened. Letting go of my shoulders, but not moving an inch back to gain some space between us, my hybrid brother looked down his nose at me, his face mere inches from mine, as he said in a much calmer, menacing voice. "The only reason why I brought you back here was so that I wouldn't have to worry about you anymore… But from this moment on, you are no longer my sister." He paused for a brief moment, his hatred filled eyes never leaving my wet, angst-filled ones as he continued. "You will stay in this mansion and you are only allowed to leave it with either Elijah or Kol, but from now on you will never speak to me again. You've relinquished that right, the moment you decided to walk out of that door a year ago."
Nik stared down at me for a few more seconds, probably relishing the visible feeling of fear he brought upon my face, before he turned on his heel and walked out of the room.
I couldn't fight against my tears anymore as I felt them escaping my eyes and rolling down my cheeks while that feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach turned into a mixture of unbearable sadness and grieve.
I just lost my brother…
I withdrew from the wall and walked out of the room as I was suddenly pulled aside by my forearm.
"Hey, Bex, are you ok?" I heard Kol asking, concern audible in his voice.
I looked up into his brown eyes with my own teary blue ones to find a pitying look in them that told me that he heard what Nik said about me nearly getting raped last year. "Oh, just shut up, Kol." I hissed bitterly at him, yanking my arm free from his grasp before I disappeared into my room.
'When I asked Nik a year ago to not tell anyone that I nearly got raped, he apparently thought I meant I want him to tell everyone what happened!' I thought sarcastically as I slammed the door to my room shut behind me.
Author's Note:
Hey everyone, :)
First of all I would like to apologise to you, my lovely readers, for the delay. I actually planned to update this chapter two weeks ago but then I got ill and couldn't write it. But now I'm healthy again and back with this new chapter!
So thank you for being patient with me and for spending your precious time on reading it. I hope you liked it, if so, please leave a review!
A BIG THANK YOU goes out to the lovely reviewer "ilovemustard" as well as the lovely mystery reviewers "Yasmindb" and "KlebekahLove"! :)
WOW! I am thrilled by the fact that this story has over 100 reviews! I would never have dreamed that I get 100 reviews on this fanfic and I would like to thank every one of you, who has ever reviewed on this story, for your feedback! I'm so grateful that some people still take the time to write reviews. You are the reason why I don't quit writing! :D
As always: PLEASE REVIEW!