Cancer
Sleepless Lack of Understanding

Nothing felt right after hearing the news of something growing in his brain, and that the monster in his head resulted from his body attacking his own body. The dreadful feeling didn't feel as deep when the thought of Karin and his former taicho staying with him remained at the front of his mind, but then Karin informed him that she wouldn't be able to stay.

Eventually Isshin came back, and the man told him the way to treat the brain tumor was surgery. Toshiro found himself unable to look the man in the eye. "So, after this surgery everything will go away?"

The man took a deep breath. "I can't promise anything. While there is a chance that your problems will go away, they might not at all. There is a chance the cancer's spread to the rest of your body and more treatment will be needed. We're also talking brain surgery here Toshiro. Your brain is what helps you think, and helps you control your bodily functions."

"There..." Toshiro's bright teal eyes darted away from Isshin. "That doesn't sound good despite the fact I don't really understand what it means." The young taicho took a deep breath. "So, doesn't... isn't there another option."

"No, there isn't."

The young taicho looked away. "I... you two are leaving soon?"

"Yeah." Isshin took a deep breath. "Toshiro, hey, why don't you not think of that. We'll be back to see you?"

"Do I really have to stay here?" The young taicho looked the man in the face, but found himself unable to take the pained look in the man's face. Toshiro's bright teal eyes darted away.

"Sorry kiddo, but you've got to stay here so we can prep you for surgery. Ryuken will be seeing that you're cared for."

"Yeah, but..." Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times. "I feel like there is something I should be doing."

"No, the only thing you should be doing here is resting up to make sure you get better. If you don't rest up..." Isshin stopped speaking, and then looked at Karin.

"Look, I'll leave so you two can have a serious talk. What ever."

Toshiro swallowed as he saw the girl leave, and he looked up at Isshin. The man's eyes still remained filled with pain. Isshin obviously wanted to say something to him, but the young taicho found the man unable to say something. "Taicho..."

"I'm not your taicho anymore?"

"Shiba-san?"

"To-chan or oji-san." Isshin let out a deep breath. "That's all right because you are after all dating my daughter, and..." The man shook his head. "Never mind. I doubt you knew about that, so it's best to just..."

"You're upset about something." Toshiro continued to watch the man look at him with that pained look in his eyes, and the young taicho didn't like the feeling one bit. Without realizing what he was doing the young taicho reached out and wrapped his arms around the man. He felt Isshin tense up, and then reach up to brush his hand across Toshiro's white head of hair. The young taicho didn't say anything more.

"Toshiro, no matter what treatment you go through there is still the chance you'll die, or that something really bad will happen. There's even a chance the cancer won't go away, and that it will be the cancer which will kill you."

The young taicho's breath drew in tightly, and his eyes snapped shut. One of his bone thin hands gripped Isshin's clothes tightly, and the man rubbed the boy's back. "That's what he, and others did when I got really sick. We're they scared those times as well? Taicho's scared?"

Toshiro pulled away, and his eyes opened up to look at the man. "Taicho, are you scared? You're never scared though."

A deep breath escaped Isshin's mouth, and a hand reached up to ruffle Toshiro's white head of hair. "Toshiro, there are a lot of things I'm scared of. Loosing one of my kiddos, and that includes you, is one of them." The man remained silent for a few minutes. "Also, to do the surgery, we're going to need to shave your head."

Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "What does that matter? You know I don't like the color of my hair, so it's not that big of a deal."

"Toshiro, there are people who like your hair just the way it is, so for them it's going to be a big deal." Isshin tried smiling at him, but the pain kept showing through. "I'm going to leave you in Ryuken's care now, and that's because I trust him, so that means since you trust me that you should trust him to. Alright? We'll be sure to stop by during visiting hours. Your surgery is in a couple of days. Be good."

The man got up and left. After a few minutes Toshiro realized one of his bone thing hands reached out for the man in an attempt to hold onto something. "Why is it everything leaves me?"

"Your taicho's not abandoning you. He'll be back. I'm here to. I never abandoned you."

"Not the same. You're a part of me." Toshiro leaned back into the bed, and one bone thin hand reached up to touch the top of his head in an attempt to ease the headache and nausea he felt. Someone knocked at the door, and his bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "You're Ryuken, Doctor Ryuken."

"Actually, it's Ishida Sensei." The man came in with a couple of cups with pills in them. "I need you to take some medicine Toshiro. Isshin's told me that..."

"That name's familiar."

"So, you're having problems recollecting things?"

Toshiro worried his bottom lip and then finally nodded his had.

"Don't worry. This medicine will hopefully help with that, the headache you're likely feeling as well as the nausea. You'll be sleeping for a bit, and then a nurse will come up here with some food for you. She'll wake you up, and stay to make sure you eat the food. Do you understand?"

"Not really. I mean, I know I should understand, but I don't." Toshiro took the plastic cups and swallowed the medicine. His face wrinkled up slightly, and then he shook his head. "I guess that you have to leave to?"

Ryuken looked at him with a look that bothered Toshiro, and the boy looked away. The man reached out for a red button. "See this? If you need anything, then push this button. What you really need now is rest, and you'll find yourself nodding off soon."

"Yeah..." A yawn escaped Toshiro's mouth as the man pulled the covers up to the boy's chin.

"Isshin hasn't abandoned you. There are just rules and regulations that hospitals need to follow, and we're going to make you as comfortable as possible."

"You make it sound as if I'm dying." The words came out unheeded, and Toshiro felt like mentally slapping himself. "Well, duh he's talking about you dying, 'cause you know full well that is what is going on."

The man patted his leg before standing up. "Remember, need anything there is the button. A nurse will wake you up to make sure you eat something. You need not worry about anything, as Isshin and I are handling everything. What you're able to do is rest up, and not leave your bed for anything. I've heard you've got a habit of escaping the forth to do paperwork, and we'll have none of that here. So behave."

The man left and Toshiro nodded off. The light was turned off, and the feeling of dread wouldn't leave the young taicho's mind as he looked around the place. His stomach also ached, but soon that went away, and he drifted off to sleep.