25. Magnetic North
Joham arrived sometime before dawn of the following morning. Bella was sitting in a camp chair in front of the tent she was sharing with Edward, a blazing fire burning in the pit and a sleeping Alexander cradled in her arms. A murmur of sound and scent filled the air around them, as more than a hundred vampires moved about, gossiping, playing games, or simply wandering the woods behind the Cullen home. But one set of footsteps echoed in Bella's ears, and when the breeze carried the scent to her, her stomach clenched.
"He's here," she whispered to Edward.
Edward paused, then nodded. "He didn't bring his friends."
Bella considered leaving. Again. It seemed so much easier to run away from Joham than to face him. It made her feel like a coward, but was a coward really such an awful thing to be? Maybe she could hide in the attic like Carlisle's friend Alistair.
"Hey." Edward reached out and gripped her shoulder. "It's going to be fine. Listen to them."
As though she could help it. Bella had a feeling she would always be hyper-aware of anything happening near Joham. And right now, Carlisle and Esme were moving to intercept him.
"You made it, I see," Bella heard Carlisle say. She noted with petty satisfaction that he didn't sound at all welcoming. Joham, who hadn't heard the warm greetings everyone else had received, might not realize just how significant that was.
"I want to see my son," Joham barked at him.
"No." It was Esme's voice this time, low and firm.
"Excuse me?"
"No, you may not see Alexander."
Joham snarled loudly. "Do you think you can keep him from me?"
"Yes," Carlisle said, as unflappable as ever. "Come. We'll show you to your tent."
"How dare you?" Joham yelled, his voice rising. "Alexander is my son—"
"Alexander isn't your anything. You ceded control of your coven to me."
"If Alexander wants to see you, he can ask Bella," Esme added. "Otherwise, you'll need to leave them alone."
"You've got some nerve, ordering me around—"
"Watch your tone when you speak to my wife," Carlisle snapped. "You are tolerated here because you are a vampire and you have a stake in the future of our government, but don't imagine for a second that you're welcome. The way you treated Bella and the other girls—your own daughters, for god's sake—is appalling. I've never been so disgusted."
Bella squeezed Edward's hand, and felt the tightening of his own grip in return.
"You won't get a second chance," Esme told Joham. "If you harass Alexander or any of those girls, even once, you'll be dismissed."
There was silence from Joham.
"Good," Carlisle said. "Your tent is this way. Follow me please."
Bella was glad to hear that their footsteps were taking them to the far side of the makeshift campground. Avoiding Joham might not be so difficult after all.
"Are you still mad at Carlisle?" Edward asked her with a small smile.
"Yes." Her answer was a little sharper than she had intended it to be, so she softened it with a shrug. "But maybe not quite as much as I was a minute ago."
"He didn't want to invite Joham. There are a few people he'd like to be rid of, in fact. He just feels such a responsibility to be fair, despite his own feelings."
"I know. I get it. But don't expect me to be happy about it."
Edward grinned. "Fair enough." He was about to say something more, but he was cut off by a loud cry of pain and a heavy body hitting the ground a few yards away. They both looked over their shoulders to see Kate standing proudly over a moaning Garrett, electricity sparking at her fingertips.
"Take that, playboy," she said, turning haughtily away and shaking her long blonde hair behind her as she strode off.
Garrett pushed himself to his feet with some effort and, noticing Edward and Bella watching him, grinned at them. "I think she just restarted my heart."
Edward laughed quietly. "You're barking up the wrong tree, Garrett. Katie's not really into vampires."
"I wouldn't be either, if I all I had to choose from were vegetarians." Garrett winked at him and trotted after Kate, calling for her to wait.
"She might actually kill him," Edward mused. "Carlisle will be so disappointed."
Bella smiled and looked down at Alexander. He was sleeping peacefully, despite all the activity around them. She was grateful for that. If he had been a light sleeper, she doubted he'd get any rest for a long time. How long . . . it was hard to say. Would this gathering last days? Weeks? Longer? No one seemed to know, or even care very much. Carlisle was the only one with social responsibilities, and he seemed unconcerned about his ability to extend his vacation as long as he liked. She wondered how he'd managed to get that kind of preferential treatment. Sizeable donations to the hospital, maybe?
"You should put Alexander in the tent," Edward murmured.
She glanced up at him. "Why?"
"He was excited about camping. I think he'd like it if he got to sleep in the tent for a while."
She nodded and stood, moving to the tent. She unzipped the door and crawled inside, settling Alexander into the blankets they had brought out for him. He stirred, but settled quickly back into sleep.
He looked very young like this. Like a child who needed to be fed and rocked and held, and not a boy who protected his sisters against a monstrous father, or who struggled to understand the moral implications of drinking blood. Bella brushed the dark curls off of his forehead and kissed his cheek. She wished she could give him more of a childhood.
She felt a tug on the waistband of her jeans and looked back to see Edward leaning into the tent, pulling on her belt loop. He jerked his head, beckoning her after him, and she backed out of the tent and zipped the screen closed.
Edward pulled her to her feet and into his arms. "You know what I keep thinking about?" he murmured in her ear.
"What?"
"We have Charlie's permission."
Bella smiled and leaned closer. She ran her hands up and down his sides, waiting for him to take advantage of their new license.
But he didn't. For several long moments he stood with his arms wrapped around her, his head bent low, lips hovering near her ear, and did nothing.
Was he waiting for her? To . . . what? She peeked up at him to try to read his face, and he let out a sheepish laugh.
"Uh." He released her and ran a hand through his hair.
"What?"
"I . . . suddenly don't know what to do."
The perplexed look on his face made Bella giggle. "So you're only good for a few stolen kisses?"
His eyes widened at her teasing.
"Or are you bored with me? Now that the lure of forbidden fruit is gone?"
"No! Bella, I—that's not it—"
She didn't leave him stuttering for long. She bent down and plucked a pinecone from the ground, lobbing it lightly at his chest. "Tag. You're it."
She took off running before Edward could collect himself, keeping one eye on the tent where Alexander slept but still darting between trees and dodging around other tents.
Edward was after her in an instant. He dove for her, but she jumped out of his reach, using a high tree limb to spin herself around and head back the way she had come—a part of her mind always focused on staying near her son. But Edward anticipated her move and sprang for her again, catching her ankle just before she could twist away from him. They hit the ground hard, both landing on their hands and knees, laughing as they struggled. Bella tried to wriggle away, but Edward had her ankle in an iron grip. He jerked back, dragging her through the bracken, and Bella just had time to spare a rueful sigh for yet another ruined blouse before Edward was crawling over her and pinning her to the ground.
"That was a very serious accusation," he growled in her ear.
She arched beneath him, her backside pushing back against his hips, and she was rewarded with Edward's very intriguing reaction.
His response was abrupt. He pushed off of the ground on either side of her in an attempt to back away, but Bella knocked his hands out from under him and grinned when he tumbled down on top of her again.
She ground back against him, her body instinctively searching for that intriguing sensation again. "Tell me more about this very serious accusation."
"I don't take kindly to having my devotion challenged," he murmured, nipping lightly at the skin at the crook of her neck.
"I suppose I can understand that. But I'm not sure why you had to take it out on my shirt."
His lips stilled against her neck. "Your shirt?"
"It's all torn."
"Is it? I may have to investigate this little problem." He pushed his hands beneath her, seeking out the somewhat exaggerated snags in the fabric. He took his time, exploring every inch of the fabric—and the contours of the flesh beneath it.
"You're right," he murmured. "Your shirt is a little worse for the wear. Pants too, I would imagine. We should get you out of them."
"Is that how it works? Maybe I should check your clothes for tears, too." She wriggled against him and he groaned.
"I don't know whether to tell you to stop that or to tell you to do it again."
"If you let me up, you might see what else I can do."
Edward pushed off of her just long enough to slide a hand beneath her and flip her over. Her legs fell open and cradled him when he settled on top of her again—and suddenly that intriguing sensation was being pressed just there, and Bella let out a whimper.
Someone whistled and Bella's eyes snapped open. She glanced around, noticing for the first time how much attention their play had garnered.
Edward smirked. "You can all go about your business," he called out. "I've got this."
There were chuckles, but Bella noticed that no one turned away. Which didn't seem to bother Edward. He leaned in and kissed her deeply, his hips shifting ever so slightly. His hands sought hers, fingers twining as he brought them above her head and pressed them into the forest floor.
It was fantastic. It was the most thrilling moment Bella could remember, and it was suddenly interrupted by the only thing that could possibly have mattered more. Alexander yelled, his angry voice mingling with the sound of ripping fabric, and Bella felt Edward stiffen above her. He suddenly went limp, falling bonelessly on top of her.
"No!" Alexander shouted, his little body colliding with Edward and attempting to shove him off of her. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"
"Alexander?" Bella asked, startled. The little boy's fists were beating against Edward's unresponsive body.
"I know what he's doing!" Alexander cried, his fists still pounding ineffectually against Edward. "He can't! I won't let him! He can't do that to my mother!"
Bella shook off her surprise and pushed Edward off of her. He made no protest, just rolled senselessly onto the ground beside her. Bella's concern was torn, but her son's needs came first, even over those of the man she was growing more and more attached to. She stood and swept Alexander up in her arms, cradling him against her chest.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she cooed, smoothing his curls back from his face. "I thought you were asleep."
"I waked up! And Edward was being bad!"
"Bad? No, sweetie, he wasn't."
"Yes-huh, I saw him!" Edward started to stir and Alexander scowled fiercely. "I saw him, and he's not allowed to do that to my mother!"
Edward groaned and sat up, rubbing his forehead. "That's so weird," he mumbled.
"I hate you!" Alexander yelled. "You're a bad man!"
"Alexander," Bella began, but the rest of her admonishment was interrupted by Carlisle, who suddenly appeared at Edward's side and looked him over with concern.
"Are you all right?" he asked. "Can you stand?"
"No! He's bad, Carwile!"
Carlisle looked up at Bella, his brow furrowed. "What happened?"
"Um." She suddenly felt awkward about what she had just been doing.
"We were . . . kind of making out," Edward said.
Carlisle still looked confused, but satisfied that Edward was unharmed, he stood and reached for Alexander. "May I?" he asked Bella, and at her nod he took Alexander from her. He moved to a chair in front of the torn door of the tent and settled the little boy onto his lap.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"Edward pushed my mother on the ground and laid on top of her."
"And that upset you?"
"It's bad," he insisted, pointing an accusatory finger at Edward. "He was being mean to her, just like Father."
"I see." Carlisle nodded thoughtfully. "So you think Edward was hurting your mother?"
"He was. I know. Father and Russell and David did that, and it made my sisters cry."
Carlisle nodded slowly and sat back in his chair. "I understand why you're concerned. I certainly wouldn't want to see your mother hurt that way again. But I have something I want you to consider."
Alexander cocked his head.
"Most actions aren't inherently wrong or right."
"What's 'inherently'?"
"It means by their nature. Very few actions are naturally bad or naturally good. Their virtue depends on the intention behind them and on their reception."
Alexander's eyebrows pulled together, and his thumb found its way to his mouth.
"Let's consider an example," Carlisle said. "Do you remember when your mother threw you across the river and Edward caught you?"
He nodded.
Bella moved to Edward's side and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Are you okay?" she whispered.
He nodded. "It doesn't hurt. It's just weird."
"You're a strong boy," Carlisle was saying to Alexander, "so there was little danger of you getting hurt. And you enjoyed it, didn't you?"
"Yes," he said around his thumb.
"But what if you didn't want them to throw you? What if you were afraid of water or of being thrown in the air?"
He popped his thumb out of his mouth. "Why would I be afraid?"
Bella couldn't help but smile at his perplexed question.
"Some people are," Carlisle said. "If you were, and your mother threw you anyway, that would be cruel, wouldn't it?"
He nodded.
"So throwing you across the river isn't right or wrong. It's how you feel about it that makes it right or wrong. Or how your mother intends to make you feel. Do you understand?"
He nodded again, his lips puckering as he considered it.
"Physical intimacy—what you saw your mother and Edward doing—is an especially sensitive kind of act, and that makes intention very important. You know I love my wife very much, don't you?"
"Yes."
"Sometimes when we both feel like it, we go to our bedroom and spend some time being intimate together. And because it's something we both want, it's a beautiful and precious experience."
"Doesn't it hurt her, though?"
"I'm very careful with Esme, and she's very careful with me. We don't do anything to hurt each other."
Alexander looked at Bella, then back at Carlisle. "Jennifer said it hurts."
"Her experience was quite different," Carlisle said with a grimace. "She didn't want to be intimate with your father's friends, but they disregarded her feelings. They weren't concerned about taking care of her. Intimacy, because it is so sensitive, can be very traumatic when it's forced on someone."
"What's 'traumatic'?"
"Trauma is physical or emotional pain that has effects that linger beyond the source of the pain. The cruelty that has been inflicted on your mother and sisters could potentially make them unhappy for a very long time."
"I know," he said, his voice uncertain. "That's why Edward shouldn't do it."
"Remember, though," Carlisle said, "that intimacy can be a good thing. Do you think your mother might have liked being with Edward that way?"
Alexander met Bella's anxious gaze. "I don't know."
"Why don't we ask her?"
Carlisle turned his gaze on Bella, and she tucked herself closer to Edward.
"I wanted to be with Edward," she told Alexander. "He's very important to me."
"You won't cry?" Alexander asked.
"No, I won't cry."
"Will you get another baby?"
Bella smiled and shook her head. "I can't have any more babies. You're my only one."
"I'm not a baby anymore. I'm a young man." He reached for Bella and she lifted him into her arms.
"That's right, you are." She took a deep breath, trying to channel Carlisle's cool, logical demeanor. "And young men take responsibility for their actions, right?"
He nodded.
"I think maybe you should apologize to Edward for—" she stopped. Was there a name for what Alexander had done? "For stopping him."
"But I was trying to help."
"It was just a misunderstanding. But when we have misunderstandings we have to do our best to correct them."
"I'm sorry," Edward said, placing his hand on Bella's shoulder. "I didn't think about how much it would upset you to see your mother and me like that. And I think it was very brave of you to protect her the way you did."
Alexander didn't seem to know how to respond. He looked at Bella and she nodded toward Edward.
"You should say you're sorry too."
"I'm sorry I made you go to sleep," he said to Edward.
Edward grinned ruefully. "You know, it wasn't so bad. It's been decades since I've slept." He met Alexander's tentative smile and ruffled his hair. "One of these days I'll have you do that on purpose. I want to see if I can dream."
"That would be interesting," Carlisle said, sitting forward. His eyes were alight with curiosity, and Bella had no doubt that Edward would have a partner in his experimentation.
"I wonder if there are cycles," Edward said. "And how you would measure them if—" He broke off, stiffened, and for a moment he stared blankly over Carlisle's shoulder. Then he leaned down and whispered in Carlisle's ear.
Carlisle's eyes narrowed. "Bella, take Alexander into the house, please. Aro!" he rose and started jogging into the trees as he called out, and a moment later Aro approached, his expression wary.
"We have some new guests who will be arriving shortly. Will you come with us to greet them?"
"Go on," Edward murmured, nudging Bella toward the house. "They're Volturi. We don't want them to see Alexander before we can talk to them."
That was all the explanation she needed. She tucked her son close to her chest and ran for the house.
"What's 'Volturi'?" Alexander asked her.
"They're . . . they're like the police for vampires. Carlisle's friend Aro used to be their leader."
"Why did he stop?"
They reached the house and Bella hurried up the stairs. She wasn't sure how much risk there was, but she wasn't going to chance anyone glimpsing Alexander through the full-length windows.
"Someone attacked them," Bella said as she went. "A lot of them died, but I guess there were a few survivors."
Jasper and Alice were in the library when Bella reached it, surrounded by large, complicated-looking machines. A box and packing material lay scattered around them, and they were assembling what looked like a padded table.
"What are you doing?" Alexander asked them.
"Building an exam table," Alice said. She glanced up at Bella and blinked in surprise. "You ruined another shirt?"
Bella gave her an apologetic shrug.
"Oh well. We'll just have to do some more shopping. What a tragedy!" She giggled, and Bella smiled back.
"Mother, I want to look at the books," Alexander said, trying to wriggle free from Bella's grasp.
She happily set him down between the stacks where the shelves of books would hide him from anyone looking in. "Find something you like and I'll read it to you," she told him.
"Okay."
Alice smiled fondly at him. "He's so sweet, Bella. And you'll just die when you see the clothes I ordered for him. I might have cleaned out a boutique or two."
Bella grinned and moved closer to watch their work. "Does Carlisle ever set limits on how much you can spend on clothes?"
Jasper snorted. "Alice brings in a hell of a lot more money than Carlisle does."
"You do?" Bella asked Alice. "I didn't know you had a job."
"I don't. I invest. I take that small-town doctor salary and buy shares in companies that are about to bring in major returns. And I buy a few losers, too, to keep the SEC off our backs."
"Since she manages the portfolio," Jasper said, tightening a screw, "she gets to do the budget. And it just so happens that she reserves a rather large portion of the returns for wardrobe replacement."
Alice sighed. "Anyway, I did. That may not last much longer."
"Why not?" Bella asked.
"I can't see anything." She tossed down a screwdriver in frustration. "I got some of it back when we went out with Peter and Charlotte, but now everything's blank again. I just don't get it."
"Interference," Jasper said, and Bella thought it sounded like he had said it before. "There are a lot of vampires here. Someone's talent is counteracting yours."
"Do you really think so?"
"I do." He stood and moved around the half-built table to where Alice sat, taking her hands and pulling her to her feet. "Your visions will come back. But until things settle down again, just enjoy the break. We ask too much of you, expecting you to know about everything that's going to happen. Just think of this as a long overdue vacation."
Alice melted against Jasper, and Bella thought it seemed like a very good moment to check on Alexander. He was halfway down the row of shelves, tugging at a book that was nearly as big as he was.
"Did you find something?" she asked him.
"Yes." He gave the book another tug and it tumbled to the floor in front of him. "I want this one."
Bella settled down next to him and read the title of the book. "Biological Mechanisms of the Human Brain." She blinked and looked back at Alexander. "This is the one you want to read?"
"Yes, please." He climbed onto her lap, settling himself into the crook of her arm, and she shrugged. If he got bored, she had no doubt he'd let her know. She opened the book and started reading the dense scientific prose.
Alexander was more engaged than she expected him to be. He interrupted occasionally to ask about words he didn't know, he carefully examined the diagrams, and he asked related questions that Bella didn't know the answers to.
"I'm not sure," she had to keep telling him. "If the book doesn't explain it, maybe we can ask Carlisle."
It wasn't long before Carlisle appeared, leading Edward, Aro, and two strangers in his wake. Alice and Jasper had finished building the table by that time, and were arranging the new equipment around it.
"Ah, here they are," Carlisle said, smiling down at Bella and Alexander.
Alexander looked up at him. "Carwile, we have a lot of questions about this book."
"What's that you're reading?" one of the strangers asked, squatting down a few feet away from them.
Bella bristled. She didn't like that he was blocking the aisle, and she had to remind herself that the way behind her was still clear, and that she could simply go up and over the shelves if she needed to. There was nothing to worry about. Anyway, Carlisle and Edward were here, and they wouldn't allow this red-eyed stranger to hurt her son. Everything was fine. She just had to keep telling herself that everything was fine.
Alexander didn't have the same qualms. He had flipped the book closed so the man could see the cover.
"Neurobiology? At your age? You are a bright little fellow, aren't you?"
"Yep," he said, but then glanced up at Bella and amended, "I mean, thank you."
The stranger chuckled and rose, moving back to the group again. "You're right, Carlisle, he's a remarkable boy. I can see why the others might be anxious, though. You couldn't pass him off as a human savant."
"No, I agree. He'll require careful and constant supervision." Carlisle smiled down at them. "Bella, Alexander, I'd like you to meet some old friends of mine. This is Demetri," the man who had just spoken nodded his head, "and this is Alec."
Alec was surprisingly young for a vampire. He could have been a pre-teen, maybe slightly older, and he stood next to Aro looking overwhelmingly bored. He barely glanced at them when he was introduced, and he didn't bother looking at Jasper or Alice at all.
Demetri, however, was interested enough for the both of them. "You'll be giving the other girls exams in here, then?" he asked Carlisle.
"Yes. Jasper and Alice were kind enough to get the room ready. It's late now, but as soon as the girls wake up I'll see what I can learn about the development of the fetuses."
"Carlisle!" A voice called from one of the bedrooms down the hall. There were soft moans and a rustling of blankets, and a few moments later Jennifer appeared in the doorway of the library, half-carrying Maysun.
"Do it now," Maysun said, looking desperate and disturbingly frail. "I want this thing out of me."
Which was the last thing Bella wanted Alexander to be present for. "Time to go," she whispered, sweeping him up in her arms as she stood.
"Why?
"Maysun needs privacy," she said, already heading for the stairs.
"But my book. Mother! My book!" He squirmed in her arms, reaching back over her shoulder for the volume she had left on the floor in her haste to get out of there. But Jennifer was helping Maysun onto the table and Bella wanted to be far away from that room before they started talking about what Maysun wanted to do.
"Catch," Demetri said from behind her. She turned long enough to allow him to toss her the massive book, then darted down the stairs and out of the house.
It wasn't fast enough, though. Alexander's endless curiosity was already piqued.
"Why does Maysun need privacy?" he asked.
"Um . . . Carlisle wants to do an ultrasound."
"What's 'ultrasound'?"
"It helps you see a fetus before it's born."
"They're going to look at Maysun's baby?"
Bella nodded.
"Why?"
That was precisely the question she didn't want to answer. She didn't have Carlisle's finesse, and even if she did, she wasn't sure it would be enough for this discussion. But at the same time, she didn't want to lie to Alexander or dismiss his questions. He was more than a baby in so many ways, and yet it was only a handful of weeks since . . .
Since Bella would have made the same choice that Maysun was making now.
She hesitated while she ran, but Alexander was perceptive, and her avoidance made him all the more curious. "Is Maysun sick?"
Bella sighed as she ducked into her tent and settled Alexander down in his blankets. "Yes, sweetie, she's sick. Having a vampire baby is . . . it's very hard. It makes you hurt all over."
"Were you sick when I was in your tummy?"
"Yes. I almost died."
"But I made you better." He pulled the book into his lap. "Maysun's baby will make her better too. Right, mother?"
"Well . . . I don't know. Maysun's not human. She's half vampire, like you. Do you know what would happen if a vampire bit you?"
He shook his head.
"I don't know either. Maybe it wouldn't work the same. And maybe her baby won't have venom, like Maysun and Jennifer. Then a bite wouldn't do anything at all."
"Someone else could bite her, though."
"Maybe. But it's a big risk, and . . ." She took a fortifying breath. "Maysun doesn't really want to have a baby."
"I know. She told Father, but he said she had to."
"Well . . . your father can't force her to do it anymore."
"But she already has a baby in her tummy."
"Yes. And she wants Carlisle to take it out."
Alexander had opened the book and was looking at the pages, but now he looked up at her, his face screwed up in concentration. "Father says if a baby comes out too early, it will die."
Bella nodded. "That's right."
"Does Maysun want her baby to die?" he asked, still looking confused.
She scraped her teeth over her lip, searching for the right words. "It's a really hard choice for someone to make. Maysun didn't want to have a baby, but your father and his friends forced her to get pregnant anyway. And now she has to decide whether she wants to stop the fetus inside her from growing into a baby."
"Oh." He fell silent for a moment, his fingers tracing a diagram of a cross-sectioned amygdala on the page of his book. "You didn't want to have a baby either, did you, Mother?"
Bella swallowed against the tightening in her throat. "No."
"Did you want to stop me from growing?"
"I . . . no. I wasn't given the choice, so I guess I never really thought about it." It was a bald-faced lie, but even honesty had its limits. Bella wasn't going to tell her son that she once wished him dead with every miserable, shallow breath she took.
He looked up at her, his deep brown eyes imploring. "But you want me now, right?"
She nodded and wrapped an arm around his little shoulders, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. "I want you more than anything else in the world. I can't live without you."
"Maybe Maysun will want her baby too, after it gets born."
She ran her fingers through his glossy curls. "It doesn't always go like that."
"Why?"
"Emotions are complicated things, sweetie. They don't always work the way you want them to."
"But why doesn't she try? She could have the baby and try to want it."
"Yes, but what if she doesn't? Then what? There would be a baby stuck with a mother who didn't love it. Would you want to be with a mother who didn't love you?"
"Father would take it."
Bella shuddered. "That might be even worse. You remember how he treated Jennifer and Maysun? Do you think he's the kind of person who should be raising children?"
"I don't know." He frowned down at his book. "I have to think about things." He pushed the book off of his lap and wrapped himself up in his blankets, his thumb drifting to his mouth again.
"Okay, sweetie. I'm going to go sit outside by the fire. If you have any more questions, you can ask me.
She was letting herself out through the torn screen door when Alexander called after her.
"Mother?"
"Yes, sweetie."
"You won't leave me again, right?"
She smiled sadly. "No, baby, never again."
"What if you don't want me anymore?"
She crawled back into the tent and scooted close to him. "I'm always, always, always going to want you."
"Do you promise?"
"I promise. Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?"
He nodded.
Bella stretched out next to him and snuggled him against her chest. She hummed softly to him, trying to be calm and soothing on the outside, while inside her head was filled with turmoil. What Joham had done was awful, but this? This belonged to her. Alexander obviously worried about being abandoned, and that was entirely Bella's fault. She made a promise to herself then that she would fix it, no matter what it took. If she had to be the last thing he saw when he fell asleep at night and the first thing he saw when he woke up in the morning, she would be. If she had to stay close to him every minute of every day, so that he could look up at any moment and reassure himself that she was near, she would do it.
Which had the potential to complicate things with Edward. How would he handle it if he was never allowed a moment alone with her? How long would he be willing to wait for her? When Charlie had told him that a baby changed things, Edward had denied it. But was that really true? All of the other couples in his family could put their mates first, but Bella couldn't do that. She couldn't make Edward her first priority because that position was spoken for. He would always come second, and it wasn't fair to him.
Bella remembered what it was like, lying on her cot in Mexico, waiting to die. She remembered how badly she had wanted to be loved, held, cherished like a heroine in one of her novels. That was within her reach now, but she was still separated from it by the responsibilities of motherhood. Charlie was right after all. Having Alexander made everything much more complicated.
She rubbed a hand over her son's small back, thrilling over the warmth of his body and his tiny, fluttering heartbeat. "I love you the most," she whispered to him, just loudly enough that he could hear her if he was still awake. "I always will."
She had to hope that Edward would understand.